Heidi Grant: How to ask for help -- and get a "yes"
Heidi Grant: Hogyan kérjünk sikerrel segítséget?
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
is basically the worst, right?
legkínosabb dolog, igaz?
on one of those top ten lists
tíz dolog listáján,
it actually belongs there.
hogy segítségre van szükségünk,
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
or a friend or from a coworker
baráttól vagy kollégától,
uncomfortable and embarrassing
érezzük magunkat,
try to avoid asking for help
igyekszünk ezt elkerülni,
legions of fathers
through an alligator-infested swamp
egy aligátor lepte mocsáron,
getting back to the road.
merre van az autóút.
we took a family vacation.
elutaztunk a családommal.
to Colonial Williamsburg.
elautóztunk Colonial Williamsburgbe,
for directions back to the highway,
that we were not lost,
what was over here.
mi van errefelé.
practically every day --
csaknem minden nap,
érezzük magunkat kényelmetlenül,
to get comfortable with it
that when you ask for help from someone,
hogy ha segítséget kérünk,
to find it actually satisfying
to continue to help you into the future.
szívesen segítenek majd.
and some of my colleagues have done
világosan rámutatott,
that sometimes people say yes
miért döntenek néha úgy,
from something that psychologists call
az átláthatóság illúziójának hívnak,
and our feelings and our needs
érzéseink és szükségleteink
waiting for someone to notice our needs
észrevegye, mire van szükségünk,
to help us with it.
to tell what your needs are,
kifejeznünk, mire van szükségünk,
often struggle to understand
állóknak is nehéz átlátniuk,
had to adopt a habit
when I need someone's help.
ha segítségre van szükségem.
mint amennyire megérdemlem,
much more, about helping
to expect other people to be.
bárkitől elvárhatná.
szükségünk, kérnünk kell .
to have to ask for it.
can tell that you need help,
hogy rászorulunk,
to someone who, it turns out,
valakinek, akiről kiderült,
in the first place?
was getting dressed for school,
iskolába készülve öltözködött,
some unsolicited help about that.
segítséget nyújtok neki ebben.
in brighter colors.
élénkebb színekben,
more neutral tones.
semleges színeket kedveli.
she could go back upstairs
a little less somber.
just spontaneously offering to help us
maguktól ajánlják fel a segítségüket,
that that's what is wanted.
hogy szükségünk van rá.
give one another in the workplace
to explicit requests for help.
the words "I need your help." Right?
hogy támogatásra van szükségünk.
help you when you ask for it,
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
about the help you want and why.
mire és miért van szükségünk.
to the helper, right?
what it is you want from us,
we can be successful
some of these requests
önöket is megtalálják
strangers on LinkedIn
"get together over coffee and connect"
"egy kávé mellett elbeszélgetni"
literally every time.
az ilyen felkéréseket.
what it is you want from me,
you're hoping that can I provide,
if they had just come out and said
they were hoping to get from me,
something specific in mind.
to work in your company,"
hogyan dolgozhatnék önöknél",
a joint research project
kutatási projektre
on getting into medical school."
egyetemi felvétellel kapcsolatban"!
with that last one
of someone who could.
apologies and bribes.
a magyarázkodást és a megvesztegetést!
that I have to ask you for this."
without your help, I would."
a segítségedre, nem kérnélek rá."
are so eager to prove
when they ask your for help,
vagy kapzsiságból kérnek segítséget,
on how uncomfortable
to find it satisfying to help you
having to ask me for help?
perfectly acceptable
when it comes to incentivizing
és kollégáinkat mivel ösztönözzük.
a natural part of that relationship.
or payments into that,
like it isn't a relationship,
hogy ez már nem kapcsolat,
is experienced as distancing,
less likely to help you.
kevésbé segítjük majd egymást.
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
to help you move into your new apartment
felajánlani a költöztetésünkért,
there's no alternative,
over email and text
for us to do so.
less awkward over email and text?
research to support this.
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
30%-kal többször mondanak igent,
and you really need someone's help,
telefonként kell használnunk,
a really, really important one
that is most overlooked
for their help and they say yes,
és ő rábólint,
that what's rewarding about helping
maga a segítés teszi örömtelivé.
is knowing that your help landed,
hogy célba ért a segítség,
how my help affected you,
professor for many years,
rengeteg ajánlólevelet írtam
of letters of recommendation
or to go into graduate school.
vagy egyetemi jelentkezésekhez.
and effort I took to do that,
fektetett időről és energiáról,
if I helped you,
get the thing that you wanted?
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
olyan hívogatóak,
to really vividly imagine
is going to have.
the individual teacher by name
rákeresünk az adott tanár nevére,
to be able to help
amelyeket a tanterembe kért,
items they've requested,
or flexible seating.
vagy flexibilis ülőhelyeket.
so easy for me to imagine
an immediate sense of effectiveness
érezhetjük magunkat,
from the kids in the classroom.
that they made a difference.
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
nekünk is tennünk,
to continue to give us help
távon is azt szeretnénk,
that the help that they gave you
hogy elmondjuk a kollégánknak,
jelentős üzletet,
that you were really hoping to get.
az áhított interjúra.
that the support they gave you
hogy a támogatása könnyítette meg
to get through a tough time.
that for some reason,
hogy valamilyen oknál fogva
anything while you were away,
törtek el a távollétünkben,
a really good job.
and modern life
have to rely on other people,
szükségünk van egymásra,
in order to be successful.
hogy sikeresek lehessünk.
ask for it out loud.
szükségünk, mondjuk ki!
that increases your chances
feel awesome for having helped you,
azzal, hogy nekünk segíthet,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Heidi Grant - Social psychologistHeidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making.
Why you should listen
Dr. Heidi Grant is the Chief Science Officer for the Neuroleadership Institute, Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University, and author of six best-selling books, including: Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, No One Understands You and What to Do About It and Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. In 2017, Grant was named one of Thinkers50's most influential management thinkers globally.
Heidi Grant | Speaker | TED.com