TED Salon Brightline Initiative
Heidi Grant: How to ask for help -- and get a "yes"
海蒂·格兰特: 如何寻求并得到帮助
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开口寻求帮助很难。但是要度过一生，我们必须一直这样做。我们怎么才能舒心地寻求帮助呢？在这场指导实践的演讲中，社会心理学家海蒂·格兰特分享了寻求并得到帮助——同时也让帮助我们的人得到更多回报——的四个简单规则。
Heidi Grant - Social psychologist
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
So, asking for help
is basically the worst, right?
is basically the worst, right?
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求助可以说是最糟糕的事了，对吗？
它却没有被列入人们最害怕的
00:18
I've actually never seen it
on one of those top ten lists
on one of those top ten lists
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十大事物之中，
00:22
of things people fear,
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比如公众演讲
00:24
like public speaking
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和死亡，
00:26
and death,
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但我非常确定它
属于这类事物。
属于这类事物。
00:27
but I'm pretty sure
it actually belongs there.
it actually belongs there.
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00:31
Even though in many ways it's foolish
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
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尽管不愿承认我们
需要帮助是愚蠢的，
需要帮助是愚蠢的，
无论是向爱人，
朋友，同事，
朋友，同事，
00:36
whether it's from a loved one
or a friend or from a coworker
or a friend or from a coworker
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甚至陌生人求助。
00:40
or even from a stranger,
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求助总会让我们感到
00:42
somehow it always feel just a little bit
uncomfortable and embarrassing
uncomfortable and embarrassing
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有点不适和尴尬，
00:47
to actually ask for help,
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当然，这也是我们
大多数人尽可能
大多数人尽可能
00:50
which is, of course, why most of us
try to avoid asking for help
try to avoid asking for help
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避免求助的原因。
00:53
whenever humanly possible.
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00:55
My father was one of those
legions of fathers
legions of fathers
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我父亲就是那
“父亲军团”的一员，
“父亲军团”的一员，
00:58
who, I swear, would rather drive
through an alligator-infested swamp
through an alligator-infested swamp
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我发誓，他宁愿开车
穿过鳄鱼出没的沼泽，
穿过鳄鱼出没的沼泽，
也不愿意找人
帮助他开回大路。
帮助他开回大路。
01:04
than actually ask someone for help
getting back to the road.
getting back to the road.
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我记得小时候有一次
全家出去度假。
全家出去度假。
01:07
When I was a kid,
we took a family vacation.
we took a family vacation.
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从位于南新泽西州的家驱车
前往前殖民地威廉斯堡。
前往前殖民地威廉斯堡。
01:10
We drove from our home in South Jersey
to Colonial Williamsburg.
to Colonial Williamsburg.
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01:14
And I remember we got really badly lost.
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我记得我们完全迷路了。
我和妈妈恳求他
01:17
My mother and I pleaded with him
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把车停在路边，
向别人询问回高速公路的路，
向别人询问回高速公路的路，
01:20
to please just pull over and ask someone
for directions back to the highway,
for directions back to the highway,
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他直接拒绝了，
01:24
and he absolutely refused,
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事实上他向我们
保证他没有迷路，
保证他没有迷路，
01:26
and, in fact, assured us
that we were not lost,
that we were not lost,
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他只是想四处看看。
01:29
he had just always wanted to know
what was over here.
what was over here.
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（笑声）
01:32
(Laughter)
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因此如果我们要求助——
01:34
So if we're going to ask for help --
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01:37
and we have to, we all do,
practically every day --
practically every day --
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这是我们几乎每天都会做，
而且需要做的——
而且需要做的——
我们适应它的方法
01:41
the only way we're going to even begin
to get comfortable with it
to get comfortable with it
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是变得善于求助，
01:45
is to get good at it,
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去增加我们求助时
01:46
to actually increase the chances
that when you ask for help from someone,
that when you ask for help from someone,
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别人答应帮助的概率。
01:50
they're actually going to say yes.
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01:52
And not only that, but they're going
to find it actually satisfying
to find it actually satisfying
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不仅如此，他们还会发现自己
能够在帮助我们的过程中
能够在帮助我们的过程中
获得满足和回报，
01:56
and rewarding to help you,
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01:57
because that way, they'll be motivated
to continue to help you into the future.
to continue to help you into the future.
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因此他们就有动力
继续在将来帮助我们。
继续在将来帮助我们。
02:02
So research that I
and some of my colleagues have done
and some of my colleagues have done
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我和我同事做的一些研究
对人们为什么
有时会伸出援手，
有时会伸出援手，
02:05
has shed a lot of light on why it is
that sometimes people say yes
that sometimes people say yes
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有时候则不，
02:09
to our requests for help
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提供了一些解释。
02:10
and why sometimes they say no.
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02:13
Now let me just start by saying right now:
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现在让我们进入主题：
如果我们需要帮助，
02:16
if you need help,
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我们就得开口。
02:18
you are going to have to ask for it.
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大声说出来。
02:21
Out loud.
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可以吗？
02:22
OK?
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我们在某种程度上
都有心理学家常说的
都有心理学家常说的
02:23
We all, to some extent, suffer
from something that psychologists call
from something that psychologists call
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“被洞悉错觉”——
02:27
"the illusion of transparency" --
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02:29
basically, the mistaken belief
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这说的是我们的
一种错觉，
一种错觉，
我们总觉得自己的
思想、感觉和需要
思想、感觉和需要
02:31
that our thoughts
and our feelings and our needs
and our feelings and our needs
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对他人而言很明显。
02:33
are really obvious to other people.
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02:37
This is not true, but we believe it.
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事实并非如此，
但我们相信这点。
但我们相信这点。
所以我们只是干等在那儿，
等待有人注意到我们的需求，
等待有人注意到我们的需求，
02:39
And so, we just mostly stand around
waiting for someone to notice our needs
waiting for someone to notice our needs
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然后主动提出帮助我们。
02:43
and then spontaneously offer
to help us with it.
to help us with it.
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这是一个非常糟糕的假设。
02:46
This is a really, really bad assumption.
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事实上，不仅说出
我们的需求很难，
我们的需求很难，
02:48
In fact, not only is it very difficult
to tell what your needs are,
to tell what your needs are,
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而且我们身边的人
也往往琢磨不透
也往往琢磨不透
02:52
but even the people close to you
often struggle to understand
often struggle to understand
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应该如何支持我们。
02:55
how they can support you.
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我的伴侣不得不
养成一个习惯，
养成一个习惯，
02:57
My partner has actually
had to adopt a habit
had to adopt a habit
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每天问我很多次，
03:00
of asking me multiple times a day,
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“现在怎样？
你需要什么吗？”
你需要什么吗？”
03:03
"Are you OK? Do you need anything?"
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因为在需要帮助时，
我太不擅长发出信号。
我太不擅长发出信号。
03:05
because I am so, so bad at signaling
when I need someone's help.
when I need someone's help.
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现在，他给予了我更多耐心，
03:10
Now, he is more patient than I deserve
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更积极主动，
更乐于助人，
更乐于助人，
03:12
and much more proactive,
much more, about helping
much more, about helping
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我们通常没有权利要求
别人这样对我们。
别人这样对我们。
03:16
than any of us have any right
to expect other people to be.
to expect other people to be.
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03:20
So if you need help, you're going
to have to ask for it.
to have to ask for it.
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所以如果我们需要帮助，
我们必须开口。
我们必须开口。
另外，即便有人
看出来我们需要帮助，
看出来我们需要帮助，
03:22
And by the way, even when someone
can tell that you need help,
can tell that you need help,
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03:26
how do they know that you want it?
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他们怎么知道
我们需要什么？
我们需要什么？
03:29
Did you ever try to give unsolicited help
to someone who, it turns out,
to someone who, it turns out,
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大家有没有试过
主动帮助别人，
主动帮助别人，
结果人家根本就
不想让你帮？
不想让你帮？
03:32
did not actually want your help
in the first place?
in the first place?
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他们很快就会厌恶，对吧？
03:35
They get nasty real quick, don't they?
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这是个真实的故事——
03:38
The other day -- true story --
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前些天，我十几岁的女儿
穿好衣服准备上学，
穿好衣服准备上学，
03:40
my teenage daughter
was getting dressed for school,
was getting dressed for school,
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我决定自发地
给她一些帮助。
给她一些帮助。
03:43
and I decided to give her
some unsolicited help about that.
some unsolicited help about that.
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（笑声）
03:46
(Laughter)
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我碰巧觉得她
穿亮色衣服好看。
穿亮色衣服好看。
03:47
I happen to think she looks amazing
in brighter colors.
in brighter colors.
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03:50
She tends to prefer sort of darker,
more neutral tones.
more neutral tones.
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但她通常喜欢偏深、
中性的色调。
中性的色调。
于是我试着说，
03:54
And so I said, very helpfully,
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也许她可以回到楼上，
03:56
that I thought maybe
she could go back upstairs
she could go back upstairs
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试着找件颜色
不那么阴沉的衣服穿。
不那么阴沉的衣服穿。
03:59
and try to find something
a little less somber.
a little less somber.
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（笑声）
04:02
(Laughter)
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如果眼神能杀人的话，
04:04
So, if looks could kill,
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我现在就不会
站在这里了。
站在这里了。
04:06
I would not be standing here right now.
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我们不能责怪别人
不主动帮助我们，
不主动帮助我们，
04:09
We really can't blame other people for not
just spontaneously offering to help us
just spontaneously offering to help us
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特别是当对方不知道
我们需要什么时。
我们需要什么时。
04:14
when we don't actually know
that that's what is wanted.
that that's what is wanted.
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事实上，研究显示
04:17
In fact, actually, research shows
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工作时同事之间
百分之九十的帮助
百分之九十的帮助
04:19
that 90 percent of the help that coworkers
give one another in the workplace
give one another in the workplace
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是响应明确的
求助请求的。
求助请求的。
04:24
is in response
to explicit requests for help.
to explicit requests for help.
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所以我们得说：
“我需要你的帮助“。
“我需要你的帮助“。
04:28
So you're going to have to say
the words "I need your help." Right?
the words "I need your help." Right?
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04:31
There's no getting around it.
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这是无法回避的。
想要做好它，
04:33
Now, to be good at it,
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确保当我们寻求帮助时，
人们会帮我们，
人们会帮我们，
04:34
to make sure that people actually do
help you when you ask for it,
help you when you ask for it,
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请记住一些非常有用的做法。
04:37
there are a few other things
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
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第一点：当我们求助时，
04:41
First thing: when you ask for help,
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一定要准确地阐述
我们要的帮助和原因。
我们要的帮助和原因。
04:44
be very, very specific
about the help you want and why.
about the help you want and why.
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04:49
Vague, sort of indirect requests for help
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含糊、间接的求助
对于帮助者其实
不是很有用，不是吗？
不是很有用，不是吗？
04:53
actually aren't very helpful
to the helper, right?
to the helper, right?
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他们的确不知道我们
想得到的帮助是什么，
想得到的帮助是什么，
04:56
We don't actually know
what it is you want from us,
what it is you want from us,
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同样重要的是，
04:59
and, just as important,
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他们不知道是否能够
05:01
we don't know whether or not
we can be successful
we can be successful
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成功帮助我们。
05:03
in giving you the help.
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05:05
Nobody wants to give bad help.
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没人想帮倒忙。
05:07
Like me, you probably get
some of these requests
some of these requests
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大家或许像我一样，
在领英收到过
在领英收到过
来自非常友好的
陌生人的邀请，
陌生人的邀请，
05:10
from perfectly pleasant
strangers on LinkedIn
strangers on LinkedIn
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这些人想做一些
“喝杯咖啡、聊个天”
“喝杯咖啡、聊个天”
05:13
who want to do things like
"get together over coffee and connect"
"get together over coffee and connect"
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或“向你请教一下”
之类的事情。
之类的事情。
05:18
or "pick your brain."
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05:21
I ignore these requests
literally every time.
literally every time.
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我每次都忽略这些请求。
这并不是因为
我不够友好。
我不够友好。
05:24
And it's not that I'm not a nice person.
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只是我不知道他们
想从我这里得到什么，
想从我这里得到什么，
05:26
It's just that when I don't know
what it is you want from me,
what it is you want from me,
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以及希望我能
提供哪种帮助，
提供哪种帮助，
05:29
like the kind of help
you're hoping that can I provide,
you're hoping that can I provide,
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我就不感兴趣。
05:32
I'm not interested.
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没人会有兴趣。
05:34
Nobody is.
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如果他们能直接说出
任何他们想从我这里
任何他们想从我这里
05:35
I'd have been much more interested
if they had just come out and said
if they had just come out and said
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获得的帮助，我就会更有兴趣，
05:39
whatever it is was
they were hoping to get from me,
they were hoping to get from me,
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因为我很肯定他们有些具体的想法。
05:41
because I'm pretty sure they had
something specific in mind.
something specific in mind.
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所以要开口，
05:44
So go ahead and say,
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“我想和你谈谈贵司
有没有工作机会。”
有没有工作机会。”
05:45
"I'm hoping to discuss opportunities
to work in your company,"
to work in your company,"
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或“我想提出一个你一定
会非常感兴趣的领域的
会非常感兴趣的领域的
05:48
or, "I'd like to propose
a joint research project
a joint research project
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05:51
in an area I know you're interested in,"
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联合研究项目。”
或者，“我想听听你对
读医学院的建议。”
读医学院的建议。”
05:54
or, "I'd like your advice
on getting into medical school."
on getting into medical school."
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05:58
Technically, I can't help you
with that last one
with that last one
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说实话，我不能帮助
解决最后一个请求，
解决最后一个请求，
因为我不是医生，
06:00
because I'm not that kind of doctor,
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但我可以指明谁可以
提供帮助。
提供帮助。
06:02
but I could point you in the direction
of someone who could.
of someone who could.
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06:06
OK, second tip.
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好了，第二个技巧。
这点真的很重要：
06:07
This is really important:
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06:10
please avoid disclaimers,
apologies and bribes.
apologies and bribes.
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请不要用免责声明，
道歉和贿赂。
道歉和贿赂。
06:15
Really, really important.
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真的，这非常重要。
这些听起来熟悉吗？
06:16
Do any of these sound familiar?
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（清嗓子）
06:18
(Clears throat)
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06:20
'I'm so, so sorry
that I have to ask you for this."
that I have to ask you for this."
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“我非常、非常抱歉
要请求你件事情”。
要请求你件事情”。
“我真的非常不想麻烦你”。
06:25
"I really hate bothering you with this."
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“如果没有你能做成
这事的话，我一定会的”。
这事的话，我一定会的”。
06:28
"If I had any way of doing this
without your help, I would."
without your help, I would."
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（笑声）
06:34
(Laughter)
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有时候这让人感觉，
他们是如此渴望去证明
他们是如此渴望去证明
06:35
Sometimes it feels like people
are so eager to prove
are so eager to prove
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他们寻求帮助时，
不是因为软弱和贪婪，
不是因为软弱和贪婪，
06:38
that they're not weak and greedy
when they ask your for help,
when they ask your for help,
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但他们完全忽视了这样做会
06:41
they're completely missing out
on how uncomfortable
on how uncomfortable
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让我们感到不舒服。
06:44
they're making you feel.
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顺便问一句，
如果他们讨厌求助我，
如果他们讨厌求助我，
06:45
And by the way -- how am I supposed
to find it satisfying to help you
to find it satisfying to help you
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我怎会觉得帮助他们是
让我感到满足的事呢？
让我感到满足的事呢？
06:49
if you really hated
having to ask me for help?
having to ask me for help?
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06:53
And while it is perfectly,
perfectly acceptable
perfectly acceptable
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虽然付费给陌生人
帮我们做事情
帮我们做事情
是完全可以接受的，
06:56
to pay strangers to do things for you,
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当涉及到激励
我们的朋友和同事时，
我们的朋友和同事时，
06:59
you need to be very, very careful
when it comes to incentivizing
when it comes to incentivizing
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我们要非常小心。
07:03
your friends and coworkers.
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如果我们跟某人关系很好,
07:05
When you have a relationship with someone,
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彼此帮助就是那段关系
很自然的部分。
很自然的部分。
07:07
helping one another is actually
a natural part of that relationship.
a natural part of that relationship.
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这是我们展示
关心彼此的方式。
关心彼此的方式。
07:11
It's how we show one another that we care.
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如果我们在这种关系中
加入激励或者付费，
加入激励或者付费，
07:13
If you introduce incentives
or payments into that,
or payments into that,
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会让人觉得这不是段关系，
07:17
what can happen is, it starts to feel
like it isn't a relationship,
like it isn't a relationship,
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而是个交易。
07:21
it's a transaction.
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07:23
And that actually
is experienced as distancing,
is experienced as distancing,
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这其实会让人
产生一种距离感，
产生一种距离感，
更讽刺的事，这反而
会让人更不愿意帮助我们。
会让人更不愿意帮助我们。
07:25
which, ironically, makes people
less likely to help you.
less likely to help you.
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所以，在别人帮助我们后，
07:29
So a spontaneous gift
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我们可以用更淳朴的礼物
来表达感激之情——
来表达感激之情——
07:31
after someone gives you some help
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
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这样做就很好。
07:35
perfectly fine.
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07:37
An offer to pay your best friend
to help you move into your new apartment
to help you move into your new apartment
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付钱给帮我们
搬进新公寓的朋友
搬进新公寓的朋友
就不是好做法。
07:41
is not.
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07:42
OK, third rule,
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第三点，
我想说的是：
07:44
and I really mean this one:
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请不要通过邮件
或者短信
或者短信
07:45
please do not ask for help
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请求帮助。
07:48
over email or text.
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07:51
Really, seriously, please don't.
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我是认真的，
请不要那样做。
请不要那样做。
邮件和短信
很不正式。
很不正式。
07:53
Email and text are impersonal.
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我知道有时候没得选，
07:56
I realize sometimes
there's no alternative,
there's no alternative,
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但多数情况下，
07:58
but mostly what happens is,
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我们喜欢通过邮件
或短信求助，
或短信求助，
08:01
we like to ask for help
over email and text
over email and text
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是因为这样做我们
不会感到那么尴尬。
不会感到那么尴尬。
08:04
because it feels less awkward
for us to do so.
for us to do so.
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08:08
You know what else feels
less awkward over email and text?
less awkward over email and text?
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有什么比用邮件和短信
求助更尴尬的吗？
求助更尴尬的吗？
没有。
08:12
Telling you no.
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事实上，有研究
支持这个观点。
支持这个观点。
08:14
And it turns out, there's
research to support this.
research to support this.
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当面请求得到
帮助的可能性
帮助的可能性
08:17
In-person requests for help
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
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比发邮件高30倍。
08:22
than a request made by email.
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08:25
So when something is really important
and you really need someone's help,
and you really need someone's help,
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所以当一件事真的很重要，
我们需要人的帮助时，
我们需要人的帮助时，
当面提出这个请求，
08:28
make face time to make the request,
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或者只用手机通过打电话——
08:31
or use your phone as a phone --
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（笑声）
08:34
(Laughter)
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去寻求我们需要的帮助。
08:36
to ask for the help that you need.
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好了。
08:39
OK.
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08:40
Last one, and this is actually
a really, really important one
a really, really important one
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最后一点也非常重要，
它可能是寻求帮助时
08:44
and probably the one
that is most overlooked
that is most overlooked
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最容易被忽视的一点：
08:46
when it comes to asking for help:
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当我们寻求别人的帮助
并得到肯定回答时，
并得到肯定回答时，
08:48
when you ask someone
for their help and they say yes,
for their help and they say yes,
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事后与他们保持联系。
08:51
follow up with them afterward.
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08:54
There's a common misconception
that what's rewarding about helping
that what's rewarding about helping
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人们普遍有种误解，
认为帮助别人的回报
认为帮助别人的回报
在于帮助本身。
08:57
is the act of helping itself.
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事实并非如此。
09:00
This is not true.
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帮助的回报是知道
你的帮助落实了，
你的帮助落实了，
09:01
What is rewarding about helping
is knowing that your help landed,
is knowing that your help landed,
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它产生了影响，
09:05
that it had impact,
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你的帮忙是有效的。
09:07
that you were effective.
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09:09
If I have no idea
how my help affected you,
how my help affected you,
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如果我根本不知道
我的帮助如何影响你，
我的帮助如何影响你，
我对这帮助
会有何感想？
会有何感想？
09:13
how am I supposed to feel about it?
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这种事情发生过：
我当大学教授很多年，
我当大学教授很多年，
09:14
This happened; I was a university
professor for many years,
professor for many years,
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写了很多的推荐信，
09:17
I wrote lots and lots
of letters of recommendation
of letters of recommendation
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帮学生找工作
或申请研究生院。
或申请研究生院。
09:20
for people to get jobs
or to go into graduate school.
or to go into graduate school.
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其中有大约95%
09:22
And probably about 95 percent of them,
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我都不知道之后
发生了什么。
发生了什么。
09:25
I have no idea what happened.
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当我不知道
我是否帮助了你，
我是否帮助了你，
09:27
Now, how do I feel about the time
and effort I took to do that,
and effort I took to do that,
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是否帮助你得到
你想要的东西时，
你想要的东西时，
09:30
when I really have no idea
if I helped you,
if I helped you,
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我该如何看待我花在
这件事上的时间和精力？
这件事上的时间和精力？
09:33
if it actually helped you
get the thing that you wanted?
get the thing that you wanted?
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事实上，这种
感觉有效的想法是
感觉有效的想法是
09:36
In fact, this idea of feeling effective
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某些捐助的呼吁
如此有说服力的原因，
如此有说服力的原因，
09:38
is part of why certain kinds
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
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因为它们能让
我们生动地想象
我们生动地想象
09:44
because they allow you
to really vividly imagine
to really vividly imagine
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2731
我们的帮助将产生的效果。
09:47
the effect that your help
is going to have.
is going to have.
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比如 DonorsChoose。
09:49
Take something like DonorsChoose.
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我们在网上选择
我们想给予帮助的
我们想给予帮助的
09:52
You go online, you can choose
the individual teacher by name
the individual teacher by name
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教室的老师的名字。
09:55
whose classroom you're going
to be able to help
to be able to help
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为他们购买他们
请求的特定商品，
请求的特定商品，
09:58
by literally buying the specific
items they've requested,
items they've requested,
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比如显微镜、笔记本电脑
和可调节高度的座椅。
和可调节高度的座椅。
10:01
like microscopes or laptops
or flexible seating.
or flexible seating.
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这就让我很容易想象
10:05
An appeal like that makes it
so easy for me to imagine
so easy for me to imagine
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我的钱将会起到的作用，
10:09
the good that my money will do,
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在我做出捐赠的那一刻，
10:10
that I actually get
an immediate sense of effectiveness
an immediate sense of effectiveness
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就感觉有一种
立竿见影的效果。
立竿见影的效果。
10:13
the minute I commit to giving.
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但你知道他们
还会做什么吗？
还会做什么吗？
10:15
But you know what else they do?
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10:16
They follow up.
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他们还会跟捐助者
保持联系。
保持联系。
捐赠者会收到教室里
学生的来信。
学生的来信。
10:18
Donors actually get letters
from the kids in the classroom.
from the kids in the classroom.
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他们会收到照片。
10:22
They get pictures.
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他们知道他们对别人
产生了影响。
产生了影响。
10:23
They get to know
that they made a difference.
that they made a difference.
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这是我们在生活中
都应该做的事情，
都应该做的事情，
10:26
And this is something we need
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
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尤其当我们想要人们
10:29
especially if we want people
to continue to give us help
to continue to give us help
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长期帮助我们时。
10:32
over the long term.
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10:34
Take time to tell your colleague
that the help that they gave you
that the help that they gave you
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花时间告诉我们的同事
他们给予的帮助
他们给予的帮助
帮助我们谈成了
那笔大买卖，
那笔大买卖，
10:37
really helped you land that big sale,
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2060
或帮助我们得到了
很想要的面试机会。
很想要的面试机会。
10:39
or helped you get that interview
that you were really hoping to get.
that you were really hoping to get.
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3463
10:43
Take time to tell your partner
that the support they gave you
that the support they gave you
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花时间告诉我们的伴侣
他们给予的帮助
他们给予的帮助
帮助我们度过了
艰难的时光。
艰难的时光。
10:46
really made it possible for you
to get through a tough time.
to get through a tough time.
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10:50
Take time to tell your catsitter
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花点时间告诉帮助你照顾猫的人，
我们很高兴，
10:52
that you're super happy
that for some reason,
that for some reason,
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因为这次我们不在的时候，
猫没有打坏任何东西，
猫没有打坏任何东西，
10:55
this time the cats didn't break
anything while you were away,
anything while you were away,
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他们做得棒极了。
10:58
and so they must have done
a really good job.
a really good job.
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11:02
The bottom line is:
225
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归根结底：
相信我——我知道——
11:03
I know -- believe me, I know --
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寻求帮助并不容易。
11:05
that it is not easy to ask for help.
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2482
11:09
We are all a little bit afraid to do it.
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我们都有点害怕这样做。
这让我们感到脆弱。
11:11
It makes us feel vulnerable.
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11:13
But the reality of modern work
and modern life
and modern life
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但现代的工作和生活
不是我们可以
独自应对的。
独自应对的。
11:18
is that nobody does it alone.
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2330
11:20
Nobody succeeds in a vacuum.
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2003
没人能独自成功。
事实上，我们比以往
更需要依靠他人，
更需要依靠他人，
11:22
More than ever, we actually do
have to rely on other people,
have to rely on other people,
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有了他们的支持和配合，
我们才能成功。
我们才能成功。
11:26
on their support and collaboration,
in order to be successful.
in order to be successful.
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11:30
So when you need help,
ask for it out loud.
ask for it out loud.
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所以需要帮助时，
大声说出来。
大声说出来。
用可以提高
得到肯定回答概率
得到肯定回答概率
11:35
And when you do, do it in a way
that increases your chances
that increases your chances
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的方法去做，
11:38
that you'll get a yes
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另外，确保他人因为
帮助我们而感到快乐，
帮助我们而感到快乐，
11:39
and makes the other person
feel awesome for having helped you,
feel awesome for having helped you,
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因为这是帮助者应得的。
11:44
because you both deserve it.
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11:46
Thank you.
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谢谢。
（掌声）
11:47
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Heidi Grant - Social psychologistHeidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making.
Why you should listen
Dr. Heidi Grant is the Chief Science Officer for the Neuroleadership Institute, Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University, and author of six best-selling books, including: Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, No One Understands You and What to Do About It and Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. In 2017, Grant was named one of Thinkers50's most influential management thinkers globally.
Heidi Grant | Speaker | TED.com