Heidi Grant: How to ask for help -- and get a "yes"
Heidi Grant: Come chiedere – e ottenere – aiuto
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
is basically the worst, right?
è tremendo, vero?
on one of those top ten lists
nelle "top ten" di cose
it actually belongs there.
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
ammetere di aver bisogno di aiuto
or a friend or from a coworker
un amico, un collega,
uncomfortable and embarrassing
a disagio o in imbarazzo
try to avoid asking for help
cerca di evitarlo
legions of fathers
through an alligator-infested swamp
uno stagno pieno di alligatori
getting back to the road.
per tornare in strada.
we took a family vacation.
to Colonial Williamsburg.
a Colonial Williamsburg.
for directions back to the highway,
come tornare in autostrada,
that we were not lost,
che non ci eravamo persi,
what was over here.
cosa ci fosse da quelle parti.
practically every day --
quasi tutti i giorni –
to get comfortable with it
più a nostro agio
that when you ask for help from someone,
to find it actually satisfying
si senta soddisfatto
to continue to help you into the future.
anche in futuro.
and some of my colleagues have done
con alcuni colleghi
that sometimes people say yes
per cui a volte la gente
from something that psychologists call
di ciò che in psicologia è chiamato
and our feelings and our needs
waiting for someone to notice our needs
to help us with it.
to tell what your needs are,
è così difficile
often struggle to understand
fanno fatica a sapere
had to adopt a habit
preso l'abitudine
when I need someone's help.
a chiedere una mano.
much more, about helping
nell'offrire aiuto
to expect other people to be.
aspettare dagli altri.
to have to ask for it.
lo dovete chiedere.
can tell that you need help,
vede che avete bisogno,
to someone who, it turns out,
in the first place?
was getting dressed for school,
some unsolicited help about that.
cosa mettersi.
in brighter colors.
more neutral tones.
toni scuri o più neutri.
she could go back upstairs
a little less somber.
just spontaneously offering to help us
gli altri non ci offrono una mano
that that's what is wanted.
give one another in the workplace
to explicit requests for help.
the words "I need your help." Right?
"Ho bisogno del tuo aiuto". Ok?
help you when you ask for it,
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
about the help you want and why.
su che aiuto volete e perché.
to the helper, right?
what it is you want from us,
we can be successful
some of these requests
strangers on LinkedIn
"get together over coffee and connect"
e conoscervi meglio"
literally every time.
what it is you want from me,
you're hoping that can I provide,
if they had just come out and said
cosa sperano di ottenere da me,
they were hoping to get from me,
something specific in mind.
hanno qualcosa in mente.
to work in your company,"
per me nella tua azienda",
a joint research project
on getting into medical school."
sulla scuola di medicina".
with that last one
of someone who could.
apologies and bribes.
that I have to ask you for this."
without your help, I would."
senza il tuo aiuto, lo farei".
are so eager to prove
when they ask your for help,
quando chiediamo aiuto,
on how uncomfortable
di quanto mettiamo gli altri
to find it satisfying to help you
having to ask me for help?
è stato così tremendo?
perfectly acceptable
perché faccia qualcosa per noi,
when it comes to incentivizing
agli incentivi che offriamo
a natural part of that relationship.
di quel rapporto.
di volerci bene.
or payments into that,
o pagamenti all'equazione
like it isn't a relationship,
is experienced as distancing,
less likely to help you.
fa passare la voglia di aiutarci.
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
to help you move into your new apartment
che ci aiuta a traslocare
there's no alternative,
non ci siano alternative,
over email and text
con questi mezzi
for us to do so.
less awkward over email and text?
è anche più facile
research to support this.
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
ha 30 volte più probabilità
and you really need someone's help,
una mano per una cosa importante,
a really, really important one
that is most overlooked
for their help and they say yes,
that what's rewarding about helping
di chi vi aiuta
is knowing that your help landed,
è arrivato a destinazione,
how my help affected you,
professor for many years,
of letters of recommendation
di raccomandazione
or to go into graduate school.
o che volevano un master.
and effort I took to do that,
if I helped you,
get the thing that you wanted?
ottenere quello che volevano.
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
certi appelli alla donazione:
to really vividly imagine
is going to have.
the individual teacher by name
to be able to help
items they've requested,
di cui hanno bisogno:
or flexible seating.
o delle sedie nuove.
so easy for me to imagine
mi aiuta a immaginare
an immediate sense of effectiveness
from the kids in the classroom.
dai bambini della classe.
that they made a difference.
ha fatto la differenza.
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
nella vita quotidiana,
to continue to give us help
che gli altri continuino ad aiutarci
that the help that they gave you
quel vostro affare
that you were really hoping to get.
that the support they gave you
per dire al vostro compagno
to get through a tough time.
di superare un momento buio.
that for some reason,
un ottimo lavoro,
anything while you were away,
i gatti non hanno rotto niente
a really good job.
and modern life
in isolamento.
have to rely on other people,
più che mai,
in order to be successful.
e della loro collaborazione.
ask for it out loud.
chiedetelo forte e chiaro.
that increases your chances
aumentare le chance
feel awesome for having helped you,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Heidi Grant - Social psychologistHeidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making.
Why you should listen
Dr. Heidi Grant is the Chief Science Officer for the Neuroleadership Institute, Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University, and author of six best-selling books, including: Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, No One Understands You and What to Do About It and Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. In 2017, Grant was named one of Thinkers50's most influential management thinkers globally.
Heidi Grant | Speaker | TED.com