TEDxKC
Martin Pistorius: How my mind came back to life — and no one knew
馬丁．皮斯托里爾斯: 我重新拾回神智的經歷 － 在無人知曉的情況下
Filmed:
Readability: 3.4
2,460,653 views
想像不能表達「我餓了」、「我很不舒服」、「謝謝」或者「我愛妳」－ 喪失溝通的能力、被困鎖在自己的軀殼裡，被人群包圍卻極度地孤寂。那是馬丁．皮斯托里爾斯長達 13 年的遭遇。12 歲大腦感染之後，皮斯托里爾斯失去了行動以及說話的能力，沒有通過任何心智感知的測試。他成為了沒有知覺的鬼魂。但奇異的事情發生了 － 他的心智重新連結。在這場動人的演說裡，皮斯托里爾斯講訴他如何從困鎖於自身軀殼的生活中救出自己。
Martin Pistorius - Author, designer
At age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story. Full bio
At age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Imagine being unable to say,
"I am hungry," "I am in pain,"
"I am hungry," "I am in pain,"
0
960
5296
想像一下無法表達「我餓了」、
「我很不舒服」、
「我很不舒服」、
00:18
"thank you," or "I love you."
1
6280
2536
「謝謝」或者「我愛妳」，
00:20
Being trapped inside your body,
2
8840
2096
被困在無法執行大腦指令的軀殼裡
00:22
a body that doesn't respond to commands.
3
10960
3136
被困在無法執行大腦指令的軀殼裡
00:26
Surrounded by people,
4
14120
1656
被人群包圍
00:27
yet utterly alone.
5
15800
1616
卻極度地孤寂。
00:29
Wishing you could reach out,
6
17440
1696
一心指望自己能與外界接觸、
00:31
to connect, to comfort, to participate.
7
19160
4216
和人有連結、給人慰藉、一同參與，
00:35
For 13 long years, that was my reality.
8
23400
3080
那是我長達 13 年的遭遇。
00:39
Most of us never think twice
about talking, about communicating.
about talking, about communicating.
9
27520
5536
大多數人都把表達與溝通視為理所當然，
00:45
I've thought a lot about it.
10
33080
2136
我卻已經想過不知幾回了，
00:47
I've had a lot of time to think.
11
35240
2656
我有很長的時間可以思考。
00:49
For the first 12 years of my life,
12
37920
2096
在我生命的頭 12 年裡
00:52
I was a normal, happy, healthy little boy.
13
40040
2696
我是個平凡、快樂、健康的小男孩，
00:54
Then everything changed.
14
42760
2136
後來所有事情都改變了 ，
00:56
I contracted a brain infection.
15
44920
2256
我的大腦受了感染，
00:59
The doctors weren't sure what it was,
16
47200
2296
醫生們不確定那是什麼東西，
01:01
but they treated me the best they could.
17
49520
2496
不過他們竭盡所能治療我。
01:04
However, I progressively got worse.
18
52040
3376
然而我的狀況日漸惡化，
01:07
Eventually, I lost my ability
to control my movements,
to control my movements,
19
55440
4176
最後，我失去行為能力，
01:11
make eye contact,
20
59640
1336
眼神交集，和說話
01:13
and finally, my ability to speak.
21
61000
3239
的能力。
01:17
While in hospital,
22
65280
1216
在醫院時，
01:18
I desperately wanted to go home.
23
66520
2576
我極度渴望回家。
01:21
I said to my mother, "When home?"
24
69120
3296
我跟母親說：「何時、家？」，
01:24
Those were the last words
I ever spoke with my own voice.
I ever spoke with my own voice.
25
72440
4456
這是我迄今以我自己的聲音
最後說出的詞彙，
最後說出的詞彙，
01:28
I would eventually fail every test
for mental awareness.
for mental awareness.
26
76920
3816
我通過不了
所有對心智感知的測試。
所有對心智感知的測試。
01:32
My parents were told
I was as good as not there.
I was as good as not there.
27
80760
2816
他們告訴我的父母，
我就像不存在一樣，
我就像不存在一樣，
01:35
A vegetable, having the intelligence
of a three-month-old baby.
of a three-month-old baby.
28
83600
4616
一個有著三個月大嬰兒智力的植物人，
01:40
They were told to take me home
and try to keep me comfortable
and try to keep me comfortable
29
88240
3656
他們請我的父母帶我回家，
01:43
until I died.
30
91920
1200
儘量保持我舒適，直到死亡。
01:46
My parents, in fact
my entire family's lives,
my entire family's lives,
31
94000
3536
我的父母，我的家庭生活，
01:49
became consumed by taking care of me
the best they knew how.
the best they knew how.
32
97560
4296
都被他們如何能更好地照顧我這件事影響。
01:53
Their friends drifted away.
33
101880
2336
他們的朋友逐漸疏遠他們。
01:56
One year turned to two,
34
104240
1816
一年變成兩年，
01:58
two turned to three.
35
106080
1320
兩年變成三年。
02:00
It seemed like the person I once was
began to disappear.
began to disappear.
36
108240
4416
就像曾經的我逐漸消失；
02:04
The Lego blocks and electronic circuits
I'd loved as a boy were put away.
I'd loved as a boy were put away.
37
112680
4896
我喜愛的樂高積木和電子迴路被拿走，
02:09
I had been moved out of my bedroom
into another more practical one.
into another more practical one.
38
117600
4456
我從原本的臥房
搬到一個對我來說更實際的房間，
搬到一個對我來說更實際的房間，
02:14
I had become a ghost,
39
122080
1696
我成了一個鬼魂，
02:15
a faded memory of a boy
people once knew and loved.
people once knew and loved.
40
123800
4375
一個人們曾經認識、喜愛的孩子的影子。
02:20
Meanwhile, my mind began
knitting itself back together.
knitting itself back together.
41
128199
4257
同時，我的神智正開始自我縫合，
02:24
Gradually, my awareness started to return.
42
132480
3016
我的認知逐漸恢復，
02:27
But no one realized
that I had come back to life.
that I had come back to life.
43
135520
3336
但是沒有人知道我已經回魂。
02:30
I was aware of everything,
44
138880
1816
我意識到每一件事，
02:32
just like any normal person.
45
140720
2016
像正常人一樣，
02:34
I could see and understand everything,
46
142760
2296
我看見及懂得每一件事，
02:37
but I couldn't find a way
to let anybody know.
to let anybody know.
47
145080
2840
但是我無法讓別人知道。
02:40
My personality was entombed
within a seemingly silent body,
within a seemingly silent body,
48
148560
3976
我的人格被埋藏在看似沉默的軀殼裡，
02:44
a vibrant mind hidden in plain sight
within a chrysalis.
within a chrysalis.
49
152560
3720
活力充沛的思考虛掩在蛹繭裡。
02:48
The stark reality hit me
that I was going to spend
that I was going to spend
50
156920
2736
我終於意識到，
02:51
the rest of my life locked inside myself,
51
159680
2656
我將會困鎖在自己的軀殼裡度過餘生，
02:54
totally alone.
52
162360
1696
全然孤獨。
02:56
I was trapped with only
my thoughts for company.
my thoughts for company.
53
164080
3616
只有我的想法陪伴我，
02:59
I would never be rescued.
54
167720
2176
我將永遠無法獲救，
03:01
No one would ever show me tenderness.
55
169920
2936
沒有人會再對我顯現溫柔。
03:04
I would never talk to a friend.
56
172880
2256
我將永遠不能跟朋友說話。
03:07
No one would ever love me.
57
175160
1920
沒有人會愛我。
03:09
I had no dreams, no hope,
nothing to look forward to.
nothing to look forward to.
58
177920
4136
我沒有夢想、希望、期許的東西，
03:14
Well, nothing pleasant.
59
182080
2496
沒有任何喜樂。
03:16
I lived in fear,
60
184600
1336
我活在恐懼裡，
03:17
and, to put it bluntly,
61
185960
1536
簡單來說，
03:19
was waiting for death
to finally release me,
to finally release me,
62
187520
3056
等著死亡來釋放我，
03:22
expecting to die all alone in a care home.
63
190600
3896
等著全然孤寂的死於安養所。
03:26
I don't know if it's truly possible
to express in words
to express in words
64
194520
3376
我不知道是否真的有可能
03:29
what it's like not to be able
to communicate.
to communicate.
65
197920
2816
把無力溝通的經歷化為文字，
03:32
Your personality appears
to vanish into a heavy fog
to vanish into a heavy fog
66
200760
3416
那就像你的人格消失在大霧中，
03:36
and all of your emotions and desires are
constricted, stifled and muted within you.
constricted, stifled and muted within you.
67
204200
5776
你所有的情緒和欲望，
都被限制、窒息、閉鎖在內心。
都被限制、窒息、閉鎖在內心。
03:42
For me, the worst was the feeling
of utter powerlessness.
of utter powerlessness.
68
210000
4496
我認為，最糟的是無力可施的感受，
03:46
I simply existed.
69
214520
1440
僅僅只是苟活在世。
03:48
It's a very dark place to find yourself
70
216680
2456
這是一種很黑暗的感受，
03:51
because in a sense, you have vanished.
71
219160
2680
某個程度上說，你已經消失了。
03:55
Other people controlled
every aspect of my life.
every aspect of my life.
72
223000
3216
其他人掌握著我各方面的生活 －
03:58
They decided what I ate and when.
73
226240
2296
他們決定我何時吃以及吃些什麼，
04:00
Whether I was laid on my side
or strapped into my wheelchair.
or strapped into my wheelchair.
74
228560
3976
我該側躺還是綁在輪椅裡。
04:04
I often spent my days
positioned in front of the TV
positioned in front of the TV
75
232560
3376
我經常被擺置在電視前
04:07
watching Barney reruns.
76
235960
1840
看「小博士邦尼」的重播。
04:10
I think because Barney
is so happy and jolly,
is so happy and jolly,
77
238440
2896
而「小博士邦尼」是如此快樂愉悅，
04:13
and I absolutely wasn't,
78
241360
1736
就像在諷刺我，
04:15
it made it so much worse.
79
243120
1680
簡直是雪上加霜。
04:17
I was completely powerless
to change anything in my life
to change anything in my life
80
245800
3416
我全然無力改變生活裡的任何事，
04:21
or people's perceptions of me.
81
249240
2456
或是旁人對我的認知。
04:23
I was a silent, invisible observer
of how people behaved
of how people behaved
82
251720
3576
我是人們以為沒人看到的時候，
04:27
when they thought no one was watching.
83
255320
2376
那個沈默，隱形的觀察者。
04:29
Unfortunately, I wasn't only an observer.
84
257720
3696
不幸地，我不只是個觀察者。
04:33
With no way to communicate,
I became the perfect victim:
I became the perfect victim:
85
261440
3976
無法表達讓我成了最好下手的目標，
04:37
a defenseless object,
seemingly devoid of feelings
seemingly devoid of feelings
86
265440
3976
一個無法自保的受害者，看似缺乏知覺，
04:41
that people used
to play out their darkest desires.
to play out their darkest desires.
87
269440
3736
用來宣洩人們最陰暗的慾望。
04:45
For more than 10 years,
people who were charged with my care
people who were charged with my care
88
273200
3656
長達十年以上的時光，
負責照料我的人
負責照料我的人
04:48
abused me physically,
verbally and sexually.
verbally and sexually.
89
276880
3160
傷害我的身體，責罵、性侵，
04:52
Despite what they thought, I did feel.
90
280760
2760
或許他們不知道，但我是有知覺的。
04:56
The first time it happened,
91
284400
1736
這些事第一次發生時
04:58
I was shocked and filled with disbelief.
92
286160
2656
我既吃驚且不可置信，
05:00
How could they do this to me?
93
288840
1520
他們怎麼能夠對我做這些事呢？
05:03
I was confused.
94
291120
1576
我感到困惑，
05:04
What had I done to deserve this?
95
292720
2120
我造了什麼孽而活該如此？
05:07
Part of me wanted to cry
and another part wanted to fight.
and another part wanted to fight.
96
295440
4056
我一方面很想哭出來，
另一方面又想要挺身而戰，
另一方面又想要挺身而戰，
05:11
Hurt, sadness and anger
flooded through me.
flooded through me.
97
299520
3736
疼痛、悲傷和憤怒淹沒了我。
05:15
I felt worthless.
98
303280
1776
我感到卑賤，
05:17
There was no one to comfort me.
99
305080
1920
沒有人來慰藉我，
05:20
But neither of my parents
knew this was happening.
knew this was happening.
100
308080
3256
我的雙親並不知道這些事，
05:23
I lived in terror, knowing
it would happen again and again.
it would happen again and again.
101
311360
4056
我活在恐懼裡，
知道它會一而再、再而三的發生，
知道它會一而再、再而三的發生，
05:27
I just never knew when.
102
315440
2096
我只是永遠不知道是什麼時候，
05:29
All I knew was that I would
never be the same.
never be the same.
103
317560
2760
我知道的一切就是
我將永遠不再是原樣了。
我將永遠不再是原樣了。
05:33
I remember once listening
to Whitney Houston singing,
to Whitney Houston singing,
104
321360
3616
我記得曾經聽過惠妮．休士頓唱道：
05:37
"No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my dignity."
they can't take away my dignity."
105
325000
4856
「不論他們從我這帶走什麼，
他們無法帶走我的尊嚴」，
他們無法帶走我的尊嚴」，
05:41
And I thought to myself,
"You want to bet?"
"You want to bet?"
106
329880
2920
我想：「妳要賭一下嗎?」。
05:47
Perhaps my parents could have
found out and could have helped.
found out and could have helped.
107
335120
3736
或許我的雙親能夠發現、可以幫上忙，
05:50
But the years of constant caretaking,
108
338880
2256
不過長年下不間斷的照護
05:53
having to wake up
every two hours to turn me,
every two hours to turn me,
109
341160
2896
每兩個鐘頭起床一次幫我翻身，
05:56
combined with them essentially
grieving the loss of their son,
grieving the loss of their son,
110
344080
3376
加上失去兒子的痛苦，
05:59
had taken a toll on my mother and father.
111
347480
3336
對我父母造成無可挽回的傷害。
06:02
Following yet another heated argument
between my parents,
between my parents,
112
350840
3576
在某個激烈的爭吵中，
06:06
in a moment of despair and desperation,
113
354440
2616
一個絕望和衝動的時刻，
06:09
my mother turned to me
and told me that I should die.
and told me that I should die.
114
357080
3320
我母親轉向我，告訴我我該死，
06:14
I was shocked, but as I thought
about what she had said,
about what she had said,
115
362160
3136
我很吃驚。但是當我認真思考她的話，
06:17
I was filled with enormous compassion
and love for my mother,
and love for my mother,
116
365320
4016
我對我母親充滿了無盡的憐憫和愛意，
06:21
yet I could do nothing about it.
117
369360
1960
然而我卻無能為力。
06:24
There were many moments when I gave up,
118
372640
2376
許多次我放棄了自己，
06:27
sinking into a dark abyss.
119
375040
2376
陷入黑暗的深淵。
06:29
I remember one particularly low moment.
120
377440
3136
我記得一個特別低潮的時候，
06:32
My dad left me alone in the car
121
380600
2256
當我父親衝進商店買個東西，
06:34
while he quickly went
to buy something from the store.
to buy something from the store.
122
382880
3576
把我單獨留在車內，
06:38
A random stranger walked past,
123
386480
2616
一個奇怪的陌生人路過
06:41
looked at me and he smiled.
124
389120
2840
看著我，然後微笑，
06:44
I may never know why, but that simple act,
125
392880
3136
我也許永遠不知道為什麼，
不過這個簡單的動作，
不過這個簡單的動作，
06:48
the fleeting moment of human connection,
126
396040
2296
這一閃即逝的交流，
06:50
transformed how I was feeling,
127
398360
2376
改變了我當時的感受，
06:52
making me want to keep going.
128
400760
1920
讓我想堅持下去。
06:55
My existence was tortured by monotony,
129
403760
2936
我的生活被百無新意所荼害，
06:58
a reality that was often too much to bear.
130
406720
3016
一個不可承受之重的現實。
07:01
Alone with my thoughts,
I constructed intricate fantasies
I constructed intricate fantasies
131
409760
4136
在我的思緒中，
我架構出錯綜複雜的幻想，
我架構出錯綜複雜的幻想，
07:05
about ants running across the floor.
132
413920
3376
像是螞蟻橫越地板。
07:09
I taught myself to tell the time
by noticing where the shadows were.
by noticing where the shadows were.
133
417320
5096
我教我自己透過
注意陰影的位置來分辨時間，
注意陰影的位置來分辨時間，
07:14
As I learned how the shadows moved
as the hours of the day passed,
as the hours of the day passed,
134
422440
4136
當我學會當時間一小時一小時經過
影子如何移動時，
影子如何移動時，
07:18
I understood how long it would be
before I was picked up and taken home.
before I was picked up and taken home.
135
426600
4656
我搞懂了在我被人接走
還有帶回家前還有多長的時間，
還有帶回家前還有多長的時間，
07:23
Seeing my father walk
through the door to collect me
through the door to collect me
136
431280
3256
看著我的父親走進門來接我
07:26
was the best moment of the day.
137
434560
2160
是每天最棒的時刻。
07:29
My mind became a tool that I could use
138
437600
2336
我的心思變成一個工具，
07:31
to either close down
to retreat from my reality
to retreat from my reality
139
439960
2816
我可以封閉自己，逃避現實，
07:34
or enlarge into a gigantic space
that I could fill with fantasies.
that I could fill with fantasies.
140
442800
4976
也可以放大到
填塞我幻想之寬闊浩大的天地。
填塞我幻想之寬闊浩大的天地。
07:39
I hoped that my reality would change
141
447800
1976
我希望我的現實將會改變，
07:41
and someone would see
that I had come back to life.
that I had come back to life.
142
449800
2856
會有人知道我已經恢復神智了，
07:44
But I had been washed away
like a sand castle
like a sand castle
143
452680
2696
但是我就像個蓋得太靠近浪邊的沙堡，
07:47
built too close to the waves,
144
455400
2136
輕易地被沖走，
07:49
and in my place was the person
people expected me to be.
people expected me to be.
145
457560
4176
而在我原來的位置上，
是人們對我的想像。
是人們對我的想像。
07:53
To some I was Martin,
a vacant shell, the vegetable,
a vacant shell, the vegetable,
146
461760
3776
對有些人而言我是馬丁，
一個空蕩蕩的外殼、植物人、
一個空蕩蕩的外殼、植物人、
07:57
deserving of harsh words,
dismissal and even abuse.
dismissal and even abuse.
147
465560
4416
本該受冷言酸語、漠視、甚至是虐待。
08:02
To others, I was the tragically
brain-damaged boy
brain-damaged boy
148
470000
2936
對其他人而言，
我是兒時損傷了大腦，
我是兒時損傷了大腦，
08:04
who had grown to become a man.
149
472960
2216
悲慘地成長為男人的男孩。
08:07
Someone they were kind to and cared for.
150
475200
3176
他們所善待以及照顧的某人。
08:10
Good or bad, I was a blank canvas
151
478400
2496
無論好壞，
08:12
onto which different versions
of myself were projected.
of myself were projected.
152
480920
3320
我是一片上頭投射了
不同版本的空白畫布。
不同版本的空白畫布。
08:17
It took someone new
to see me in a different way.
to see me in a different way.
153
485160
3296
需要新的眼光，才能看到不同的我。
08:20
An aromatherapist began coming
to the care home about once a week.
to the care home about once a week.
154
488480
4256
一位香薰治療師，
開始一週一次來到安養所，
開始一週一次來到安養所，
08:24
Whether through intuition
or her attention to details
or her attention to details
155
492760
2976
不論是透過直覺，
08:27
that others failed to notice,
156
495760
2016
或是對他人忽略細節的觀察入微，
08:29
she became convinced that I could
understand what was being said.
understand what was being said.
157
497800
4136
她開始認為我能理解別人的話。
08:33
She urged my parents
to have me tested by experts
to have me tested by experts
158
501960
3496
她鼓勵我的雙親讓我接受專家測試，
08:37
in augmentative
and alternative communication.
and alternative communication.
159
505480
3296
以擴大與替代性的溝通方法。
08:40
And within a year,
160
508800
1216
不到一年，
08:42
I was beginning to use
a computer program to communicate.
a computer program to communicate.
161
510040
4056
我開始用電腦程式做溝通，
08:46
It was exhilarating,
but frustrating at times.
but frustrating at times.
162
514120
3736
多麼令人亢奮，
雖然有時也很惱人。
雖然有時也很惱人。
08:49
I had so many words in my mind,
163
517880
1976
我的腦海裡有這麼多文字，
08:51
that I couldn't wait
to be able to share them.
to be able to share them.
164
519880
2816
我等不及有一天能分享它們；
08:54
Sometimes, I would say things to myself
simply because I could.
simply because I could.
165
522720
4736
有時我跟自己說話，
只是因為我能，
只是因為我能，
08:59
In myself, I had a ready audience,
166
527480
2616
在我自己內部早有個現成的聽眾，
09:02
and I believed that by expressing
my thoughts and wishes,
my thoughts and wishes,
167
530120
3136
我相信透過表達我的想法和心願，
09:05
others would listen, too.
168
533280
1736
其他人也會聽見。
09:07
But as I began to communicate more,
169
535040
2256
不過當我開始表達更多，
09:09
I realized that it was in fact
only just the beginning
only just the beginning
170
537320
3176
我發現這只是為自己
09:12
of creating a new voice for myself.
171
540520
2936
創造一個新聲音的開始。
09:15
I was thrust into a world
I didn't quite know how to function in.
I didn't quite know how to function in.
172
543480
4336
我被猛推進了一個
我不確定該如何運作的世界，
我不確定該如何運作的世界，
09:19
I stopped going to the care home
173
547840
1656
我不再去安養所，
09:21
and managed to get my first job
making photocopies.
making photocopies.
174
549520
3856
有了我的第一份工作 － 影印，
09:25
As simple as this may sound,
it was amazing.
it was amazing.
175
553400
3456
或許聽起來很簡單，
但實在太棒了。
但實在太棒了。
09:28
My new world was really exciting
176
556880
2016
我的新世界如此刺激，
09:30
but often quite overwhelming
and frightening.
and frightening.
177
558920
2816
但也很恐怖，有時難以承受。
09:33
I was like a man-child,
178
561760
1816
我像個大人模樣的小孩，
09:35
and as liberating as it often was,
179
563600
2096
在獲得解脫的同時
09:37
I struggled.
180
565720
1736
我也在掙扎努力。
09:39
I also learned that many of those
who had known me for a long time
who had known me for a long time
181
567480
3536
我也發現許多認識我有段時間的人，
09:43
found it impossible to abandon the idea
of Martin they had in their heads.
of Martin they had in their heads.
182
571040
4656
根本無法他們腦海裡對馬丁的概念。
09:47
While those I had only just met
183
575720
1616
而那些初次遇見的人
09:49
struggled to look past the image
of a silent man in a wheelchair.
of a silent man in a wheelchair.
184
577360
3760
也很難跨越我在輪椅上沈默的男子的形象。
09:54
I realized that some people
would only listen to me
would only listen to me
185
582000
2736
我明白到有些人只有在我所言之物
09:56
if what I said was in line
with what they expected.
with what they expected.
186
584760
3016
符合他們的預期時才會聽著我說。
09:59
Otherwise, it was disregarded
187
587800
2016
不然那些話只會被當成耳邊風，
10:01
and they did what they felt was best.
188
589840
2656
仍然依照他們認為適當的方式去做。
10:04
I discovered that true communication
189
592520
2016
我發現真正的溝通，
10:06
is about more than merely
physically conveying a message.
physically conveying a message.
190
594560
3816
不只是傳達字面訊息，
10:10
It is about getting the message
heard and respected.
heard and respected.
191
598400
2960
更是讓其中的意義被聽見，被尊重。
10:14
Still, things were going well.
192
602960
2256
就算如此，一切都發展的很好。
10:17
My body was slowly getting stronger.
193
605240
2576
我的身體慢慢地變得強壯。
10:19
I had a job in computing that I loved,
194
607840
2456
我做著喜歡的電腦運算的工作，
10:22
and had even got Kojak, the dog
I had been dreaming about for years.
I had been dreaming about for years.
195
610320
4896
甚至還有了我多年來
夢寐以求的小狗 － 「寇賈」。
夢寐以求的小狗 － 「寇賈」。
10:27
However, I longed to share
my life with someone.
my life with someone.
196
615240
3936
然而我渴求和某人分享我的生活。
10:31
I remember staring out the window
as my dad drove me home from work,
as my dad drove me home from work,
197
619200
4416
我記得在父親載我下班回家時，
我凝望窗外，
我凝望窗外，
10:35
thinking I have so much love inside of me
and nobody to give it to.
and nobody to give it to.
198
623640
4696
想著在我內心裡有著如此之多的愛，
卻沒有給予的對象，
卻沒有給予的對象，
10:40
Just as I had resigned myself
to being single for the rest of my life,
to being single for the rest of my life,
199
628360
4456
正當我認命我將形單影隻度過餘生時，
10:44
I met Joan.
200
632840
1776
我遇見了瓊恩。
10:46
Not only is she the best thing
that has ever happened to me,
that has ever happened to me,
201
634640
3456
她不但是我生命中最美好的事，
10:50
but Joan helped me to challenge
my own misconceptions about myself.
my own misconceptions about myself.
202
638120
4896
瓊恩更幫助我重新思考我對自己的誤解。
10:55
Joan said it was through my words
that she fell in love with me.
that she fell in love with me.
203
643040
4616
瓊恩，她是透過我的文字愛上我的。
10:59
However, after all I had been through,
204
647680
2776
然而，在我歷經這一切之後，
11:02
I still couldn't shake the belief
205
650480
1736
我無法相信
11:04
that nobody could truly see
beyond my disability
beyond my disability
206
652240
3216
有人能忽略我的殘疾，
11:07
and accept me for who I am.
207
655480
2576
真正地看見我、接納我。
11:10
I also really struggled
to comprehend that I was a man.
to comprehend that I was a man.
208
658080
4176
我很難接受，我是個男人的事實。
11:14
The first time someone
referred to me as a man,
referred to me as a man,
209
662280
2816
第一次有人這樣稱呼我，
11:17
it stopped me in my tracks.
210
665120
2296
我停下手邊的事，
11:19
I felt like looking around
and asking, "Who, me?"
and asking, "Who, me?"
211
667440
4616
感覺就像在四下張望，
並詢問：「誰？我嗎？」
並詢問：「誰？我嗎？」
11:24
That all changed with Joan.
212
672080
2176
一切都因為瓊恩改變了。
11:26
We have an amazing connection
213
674280
1576
我們不但心靈相通，
11:27
and I learned how important it is
to communicate openly and honestly.
to communicate openly and honestly.
214
675880
4656
而且我領會到開放、
誠實地溝通有多麼重要，
誠實地溝通有多麼重要，
11:32
I felt safe, and it gave me the confidence
to truly say what I thought.
to truly say what I thought.
215
680560
4936
我覺得安全，
安全感讓我能自信誠實地說出想法。
安全感讓我能自信誠實地說出想法。
11:37
I started to feel whole again,
a man worthy of love.
a man worthy of love.
216
685520
4296
我再次感覺完整，
一個值得被愛的男人。
一個值得被愛的男人。
11:41
I began to reshape my destiny.
217
689840
2456
我開始重新塑造我的命運，
11:44
I spoke up a little more at work.
218
692320
2216
在工作上表達更多想法。
11:46
I asserted my need for independence
to the people around me.
to the people around me.
219
694560
4376
我對周遭的人堅定說出
我對獨立自強的需求，
我對獨立自強的需求，
11:50
Being given a means of communication
changed everything.
changed everything.
220
698960
3856
一旦有了溝通的意義，一切都改變了。
11:54
I used the power of words and will
to challenge the preconceptions
to challenge the preconceptions
221
702840
4216
我運用文字的力量和意志來質疑
11:59
of those around me
and those I had of myself.
and those I had of myself.
222
707080
3576
那些在我週遭的人
以及我對自己的成見。
以及我對自己的成見。
12:02
Communication is what makes us human,
223
710680
2696
溝通讓我們成為一個人，
12:05
enabling us to connect
on the deepest level
on the deepest level
224
713400
2296
讓我們能與身邊的人
12:07
with those around us --
225
715720
1936
深入對談，相互理解 －
12:09
telling our own stories,
226
717680
1576
訴說我們的故事，
12:11
expressing wants, needs and desires,
227
719280
3616
表達欲望、需求和渴求；
12:14
or hearing those of others
by really listening.
by really listening.
228
722920
3136
或是真心聆聽別人的故事、
欲望、需求和渴求，
欲望、需求和渴求，
12:18
All this is how the world
knows who we are.
knows who we are.
229
726080
3336
這就是世界認識我們的方法。
12:21
So who are we without it?
230
729440
1800
要是不能溝通我們又是誰呢?
12:24
True communication increases understanding
231
732480
3176
真正的溝通增進理解，
12:27
and creates a more caring
and compassionate world.
and compassionate world.
232
735680
3040
創造一個更溫暖，更有同理心的世界。
12:31
Once, I was perceived
to be an inanimate object,
to be an inanimate object,
233
739800
3096
曾經，我被當作一件沒有生命的物體，
12:34
a mindless phantom
of a boy in a wheelchair.
of a boy in a wheelchair.
234
742920
3296
一個沒有靈魂的鬼影，
附身於輪椅上的小男孩。
附身於輪椅上的小男孩。
12:38
Today, I am so much more.
235
746240
2256
今天，我改頭換面，
12:40
A husband, a son, a friend,
236
748520
2416
我是一位丈夫、兒子、朋友、
12:42
a brother, a business owner,
a first-class honors graduate,
a first-class honors graduate,
237
750960
4256
兄弟、企業家、一級榮譽學位畢業生、
12:47
a keen amateur photographer.
238
755240
2336
熱情的業餘攝影師。
12:49
It is my ability to communicate
that has given me all this.
that has given me all this.
239
757600
3840
我的溝通能力讓我獲得這些。
12:54
We are told that actions
speak louder than words.
speak louder than words.
240
762320
3696
我們常聽人講「說的比做的容易」，
12:58
But I wonder,
241
766040
1936
但我懷疑，
13:00
do they?
242
768000
1200
是這樣嗎？
13:02
Our words, however we communicate them,
243
770880
2656
我們的文字，
無論我們用什摩方法來溝通，
無論我們用什摩方法來溝通，
13:05
are just as powerful.
244
773560
2096
都是飽含力量的。
13:07
Whether we speak the words
with our own voices,
with our own voices,
245
775680
2736
不論我們是用自己的聲音說，
13:10
type them with our eyes,
246
778440
1336
還是用眼睛打字，
13:11
or communicate them non-verbally
to someone who speaks them for us,
to someone who speaks them for us,
247
779800
4256
又或是用言語以外的方法，
讓他人幫助我們說，
讓他人幫助我們說，
13:16
words are among our most powerful tools.
248
784080
2880
文字是我們最有力的工具之一。
13:20
I have come to you through
a terrible darkness,
a terrible darkness,
249
788400
2816
我來到你的面前，
穿越恐怖的黑暗，
穿越恐怖的黑暗，
被關愛我的靈魂和語言本身，
13:23
pulled from it by caring souls
250
791240
2096
從黑暗中被拉了出來。
13:25
and by language itself.
251
793360
2336
僅僅只是你的聆聽，
讓我離光明更近，
讓我離光明更近，
13:27
The act of you listening to me today
brings me farther into the light.
brings me farther into the light.
252
795720
4016
我們在這裡，一起發光。
13:31
We are shining here together.
253
799760
2296
在我溝通的方式裡最困難的是，
13:34
If there is one most difficult obstacle
to my way of communicating,
to my way of communicating,
254
802080
4296
有時我想要大叫，
13:38
it is that sometimes I want to shout
255
806400
1936
有時我只是想要輕聲表達愛與感恩，
13:40
and other times simply to whisper
a word of love or gratitude.
a word of love or gratitude.
256
808360
4296
卻只能發出同樣的一種聲音。
13:44
It all sounds the same.
257
812680
2256
但如果你能，
13:46
But if you will,
258
814960
1416
請以最溫暖溫柔的方式，
想像以下的兩個字：
想像以下的兩個字：
13:48
please imagine these next two words
as warmly as you can:
as warmly as you can:
259
816400
3760
謝謝。
13:54
Thank you.
260
822480
1200
（掌聲）
13:56
(Applause)
261
824280
10800
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Martin Pistorius - Author, designerAt age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story.
Why you should listen
Martin Pistorius is a web designer and author whose personal story borders on the unimaginable. In his book Ghost Boy, he tells the story of his return to consciousness after a horrible illness ... and his struggle to tell the world that he was still there, inside his body, hoping to communicate.
More profile about the speakerMartin Pistorius | Speaker | TED.com