TEDxKC
Martin Pistorius: How my mind came back to life — and no one knew
Martin Pistorius: Kako se moj um vratio u život, a da nitko nije znao
Filmed:
Readability: 3.4
2,460,653 views
Zamislite kako bi bilo da ne možete reći: "Gladan sam", "Boli me", "Hvala ti" ili "Volim te” - zamislite kako bi bilo da izgubite sposobnost komunikacije, da ste zarobljeni u vlastitom tijelu, okruženi ljudima, a opet posve sami. Trinaest dugih godina to je bila stvarnost našeg govornika. Nakon što je s dvanaest godina obolio od upale mozga, Pistorius je izgubio kontrolu nad svojim pokretima, kao i mogućnost govorenja te je pao na svakom testu kojim se ispitivala mentalna svijest. Postao je duh, no onda se nešto neobično počelo događati - um mu se ponovno počeo spajati. U ovom dirljivom govoru Pistorius govori o tome kako se oslobodio života u kojemu je bio zaključan u vlastitom tijelu.
Martin Pistorius - Author, designer
At age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story. Full bio
At age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Imagine being unable to say,
"I am hungry," "I am in pain,"
"I am hungry," "I am in pain,"
0
960
5296
Zamislite da ne možete reći:
"Gladan sam", "Boli me",
"Gladan sam", "Boli me",
00:18
"thank you," or "I love you."
1
6280
2536
"Hvala ti" ili "Volim te."
00:20
Being trapped inside your body,
2
8840
2096
Zamislite da ste zatočeni
u vlastitom tijelu,
u vlastitom tijelu,
00:22
a body that doesn't respond to commands.
3
10960
3136
u tijelu koje ne reagira na zapovjedi.
00:26
Surrounded by people,
4
14120
1656
Okruženi ljudima,
00:27
yet utterly alone.
5
15800
1616
a potpuno sami.
00:29
Wishing you could reach out,
6
17440
1696
Želite potražiti pomoć,
00:31
to connect, to comfort, to participate.
7
19160
4216
povezati se s drugima,
utješiti, sudjelovati.
utješiti, sudjelovati.
00:35
For 13 long years, that was my reality.
8
23400
3080
Trinaest godina to je bila moja stvarnost.
00:39
Most of us never think twice
about talking, about communicating.
about talking, about communicating.
9
27520
5536
Većina nas uopće ne obraća pažnju
na govor i komunikaciju.
na govor i komunikaciju.
00:45
I've thought a lot about it.
10
33080
2136
Ja sam puno razmišljao o tome.
00:47
I've had a lot of time to think.
11
35240
2656
Imao sam puno vremena za to.
00:49
For the first 12 years of my life,
12
37920
2096
Prvih dvanaest godina života
00:52
I was a normal, happy, healthy little boy.
13
40040
2696
bio sam normalan, sretan, zdrav dječak.
00:54
Then everything changed.
14
42760
2136
I onda se sve promijenilo.
00:56
I contracted a brain infection.
15
44920
2256
Zaradio sam upalu mozga.
00:59
The doctors weren't sure what it was,
16
47200
2296
Doktori nisu bili sigurni što je to,
01:01
but they treated me the best they could.
17
49520
2496
ali liječili su me najbolje što su mogli,
01:04
However, I progressively got worse.
18
52040
3376
no bilo mi je sve gore.
01:07
Eventually, I lost my ability
to control my movements,
to control my movements,
19
55440
4176
Naposljetku sam izgubio kontrolu
nad vlastitim pokretima,
nad vlastitim pokretima,
01:11
make eye contact,
20
59640
1336
očima
01:13
and finally, my ability to speak.
21
61000
3239
i sposobnošću govora.
01:17
While in hospital,
22
65280
1216
Dok sam bio u bolnici,
01:18
I desperately wanted to go home.
23
66520
2576
očajnički sam htio kući.
01:21
I said to my mother, "When home?"
24
69120
3296
Rekao sam majci: "Kad kući?"
01:24
Those were the last words
I ever spoke with my own voice.
I ever spoke with my own voice.
25
72440
4456
To su bile zadnje riječi
koje sam izrekao svojim glasom.
koje sam izrekao svojim glasom.
01:28
I would eventually fail every test
for mental awareness.
for mental awareness.
26
76920
3816
Kasnije sam pao
na svakom testu mentalne svijesti.
na svakom testu mentalne svijesti.
01:32
My parents were told
I was as good as not there.
I was as good as not there.
27
80760
2816
Mojim su roditeljima rekli
da je to kao da me nema.
da je to kao da me nema.
01:35
A vegetable, having the intelligence
of a three-month-old baby.
of a three-month-old baby.
28
83600
4616
Biljka, inteligencije tromjesečnog djeteta.
01:40
They were told to take me home
and try to keep me comfortable
and try to keep me comfortable
29
88240
3656
Rekli su im da me odvedu kući
i da paze da imam sve što mi treba
i da paze da imam sve što mi treba
01:43
until I died.
30
91920
1200
dok ne umrem.
01:46
My parents, in fact
my entire family's lives,
my entire family's lives,
31
94000
3536
Živote mojih roditelja
i cijele moje obitelji
i cijele moje obitelji
01:49
became consumed by taking care of me
the best they knew how.
the best they knew how.
32
97560
4296
obuzeli su pokušaji pružanja mi
najbolje njege.
najbolje njege.
01:53
Their friends drifted away.
33
101880
2336
Prijatelji su im nestali.
01:56
One year turned to two,
34
104240
1816
Godina se pretvorila u dvije,
01:58
two turned to three.
35
106080
1320
dvije u tri.
02:00
It seemed like the person I once was
began to disappear.
began to disappear.
36
108240
4416
Činilo se kao da je osoba
kakva sam nekoć bio, počela nestajati.
kakva sam nekoć bio, počela nestajati.
02:04
The Lego blocks and electronic circuits
I'd loved as a boy were put away.
I'd loved as a boy were put away.
37
112680
4896
Maknuli su lego-kocke i elektroničke
sklopove koje sam kao dijete obožavao.
sklopove koje sam kao dijete obožavao.
02:09
I had been moved out of my bedroom
into another more practical one.
into another more practical one.
38
117600
4456
Iselili su me iz moje sobu
u praktičniju sobu.
u praktičniju sobu.
02:14
I had become a ghost,
39
122080
1696
Postao sam duh,
02:15
a faded memory of a boy
people once knew and loved.
people once knew and loved.
40
123800
4375
izblijedjelo sjećanje na dječaka
kojeg su poznavali i voljeli.
kojeg su poznavali i voljeli.
02:20
Meanwhile, my mind began
knitting itself back together.
knitting itself back together.
41
128199
4257
U međuvremenu se moj um počeo
ponovno spajati.
ponovno spajati.
02:24
Gradually, my awareness started to return.
42
132480
3016
S vremenom se moja svijest počela vraćati,
02:27
But no one realized
that I had come back to life.
that I had come back to life.
43
135520
3336
ali nitko nije shvatio
da sam se vratio među žive.
da sam se vratio među žive.
02:30
I was aware of everything,
44
138880
1816
Bio sam svjestan svega,
02:32
just like any normal person.
45
140720
2016
baš poput normalne osobe.
02:34
I could see and understand everything,
46
142760
2296
Mogao sam vidjeti i razumjeti sve,
02:37
but I couldn't find a way
to let anybody know.
to let anybody know.
47
145080
2840
ali nisam znao kako druge
izvijestiti o tome.
izvijestiti o tome.
02:40
My personality was entombed
within a seemingly silent body,
within a seemingly silent body,
48
148560
3976
Moja je osobnost bila zatočena
u naizgled tihom tijelu,
u naizgled tihom tijelu,
02:44
a vibrant mind hidden in plain sight
within a chrysalis.
within a chrysalis.
49
152560
3720
rezonantan um, skriven
pred nosom, u kukuljici.
pred nosom, u kukuljici.
02:48
The stark reality hit me
that I was going to spend
that I was going to spend
50
156920
2736
Shvatio sam da ću provesti
02:51
the rest of my life locked inside myself,
51
159680
2656
ostatak života zaključan u sebi,
02:54
totally alone.
52
162360
1696
potpuno sam.
02:56
I was trapped with only
my thoughts for company.
my thoughts for company.
53
164080
3616
Bio sam zarobljen i samo su mi
vlastite misli pravile društvo.
vlastite misli pravile društvo.
02:59
I would never be rescued.
54
167720
2176
Nikad neću biti spašen.
03:01
No one would ever show me tenderness.
55
169920
2936
Nitko mi nikada neće pokazati nježnost.
03:04
I would never talk to a friend.
56
172880
2256
Nikad neću razgovarati s prijateljem.
03:07
No one would ever love me.
57
175160
1920
Nitko me nikada neće voljeti.
03:09
I had no dreams, no hope,
nothing to look forward to.
nothing to look forward to.
58
177920
4136
Nisam imao ni snova ni nade,
niti išta što bih iščekivao,
niti išta što bih iščekivao,
03:14
Well, nothing pleasant.
59
182080
2496
barem ne ništa pozitivno.
03:16
I lived in fear,
60
184600
1336
Živio sam u strahu
03:17
and, to put it bluntly,
61
185960
1536
i, grubo rečeno,
03:19
was waiting for death
to finally release me,
to finally release me,
62
187520
3056
čekao sam da me smrt konačno oslobodi
03:22
expecting to die all alone in a care home.
63
190600
3896
očekujući da ću umrijeti sam
u domu za njegu.
u domu za njegu.
03:26
I don't know if it's truly possible
to express in words
to express in words
64
194520
3376
Ne znam je li moguće riječima izraziti
03:29
what it's like not to be able
to communicate.
to communicate.
65
197920
2816
kako je to ne moći komunicirati.
03:32
Your personality appears
to vanish into a heavy fog
to vanish into a heavy fog
66
200760
3416
Vaša osobnost nestaje pod gustom maglom
03:36
and all of your emotions and desires are
constricted, stifled and muted within you.
constricted, stifled and muted within you.
67
204200
5776
i sve se vaše emocije i želje sužavaju,
guše i prigušuju u vama.
guše i prigušuju u vama.
03:42
For me, the worst was the feeling
of utter powerlessness.
of utter powerlessness.
68
210000
4496
Meni je najgori bio osjećaj
strašne nemoći.
strašne nemoći.
03:46
I simply existed.
69
214520
1440
Samo sam postojao.
03:48
It's a very dark place to find yourself
70
216680
2456
Mračno je to stanje u kojem se zateknete
03:51
because in a sense, you have vanished.
71
219160
2680
jer ste na neki način nestali.
03:55
Other people controlled
every aspect of my life.
every aspect of my life.
72
223000
3216
Drugi ljudi kontrolirali su
svaki aspekt mog života.
svaki aspekt mog života.
03:58
They decided what I ate and when.
73
226240
2296
Odlučivali su što ću jesti i kada.
04:00
Whether I was laid on my side
or strapped into my wheelchair.
or strapped into my wheelchair.
74
228560
3976
Odlučivali su hoću li ležati na boku
ili ću biti u kolicima.
ili ću biti u kolicima.
04:04
I often spent my days
positioned in front of the TV
positioned in front of the TV
75
232560
3376
Često sam svoje dane provodio pred TV-om
04:07
watching Barney reruns.
76
235960
1840
gledajući reprize Barneya,
04:10
I think because Barney
is so happy and jolly,
is so happy and jolly,
77
238440
2896
vjerojatno zato što je Barney
bio toliko sretan, veseo,
bio toliko sretan, veseo,
04:13
and I absolutely wasn't,
78
241360
1736
a ja nimalo.
04:15
it made it so much worse.
79
243120
1680
Zbog toga je sve bilo još gore.
04:17
I was completely powerless
to change anything in my life
to change anything in my life
80
245800
3416
Bio sam potpuno nemoćan
promijeniti bilo što u svom životu
promijeniti bilo što u svom životu
04:21
or people's perceptions of me.
81
249240
2456
ili način na koji me drugi vide.
04:23
I was a silent, invisible observer
of how people behaved
of how people behaved
82
251720
3576
Tiho, nevidljivo sam promatrao
kako se ljudi ponašaju
kako se ljudi ponašaju
04:27
when they thought no one was watching.
83
255320
2376
kad misle da ih nitko ne gleda.
04:29
Unfortunately, I wasn't only an observer.
84
257720
3696
Nažalost, nisam bio samo promatrač.
04:33
With no way to communicate,
I became the perfect victim:
I became the perfect victim:
85
261440
3976
Budući da nisam imao kako komunicirati,
postao sam savršena žrtva:
postao sam savršena žrtva:
04:37
a defenseless object,
seemingly devoid of feelings
seemingly devoid of feelings
86
265440
3976
bespomoćan objekt naizgled lišen osjećaja
04:41
that people used
to play out their darkest desires.
to play out their darkest desires.
87
269440
3736
kojeg su ljudi koristili kako bi ostvarili
svoje najmračnije želje.
svoje najmračnije želje.
04:45
For more than 10 years,
people who were charged with my care
people who were charged with my care
88
273200
3656
Više od deset godina ljudi
koji su bili zaduženi za brigu o meni
koji su bili zaduženi za brigu o meni
04:48
abused me physically,
verbally and sexually.
verbally and sexually.
89
276880
3160
zlostavljali su me fizički,
verbalno i seksualno.
verbalno i seksualno.
04:52
Despite what they thought, I did feel.
90
280760
2760
Unatoč svemu što su oni mislili,
ja ipak jesam osjećao.
ja ipak jesam osjećao.
04:56
The first time it happened,
91
284400
1736
Kad se prvi put dogodilo,
04:58
I was shocked and filled with disbelief.
92
286160
2656
bio sam u strašnom šoku i nevjerici.
05:00
How could they do this to me?
93
288840
1520
Kako su mi to mogli učiniti?
05:03
I was confused.
94
291120
1576
Bio sam zbunjen.
05:04
What had I done to deserve this?
95
292720
2120
Čime sam to zaslužio?
05:07
Part of me wanted to cry
and another part wanted to fight.
and another part wanted to fight.
96
295440
4056
Dio mene htio je plakati,
a drugi se htio boriti.
a drugi se htio boriti.
05:11
Hurt, sadness and anger
flooded through me.
flooded through me.
97
299520
3736
Ispunili su me bol, tuga i ljutnja.
05:15
I felt worthless.
98
303280
1776
Osjećao sam se bezvrijedno.
05:17
There was no one to comfort me.
99
305080
1920
Nisam imao nikoga da me utješi.
05:20
But neither of my parents
knew this was happening.
knew this was happening.
100
308080
3256
Moji roditelji nisu znali da se to događa.
05:23
I lived in terror, knowing
it would happen again and again.
it would happen again and again.
101
311360
4056
Živio sam u strahu znajući
da će se to neprestano ponavljati,
da će se to neprestano ponavljati,
05:27
I just never knew when.
102
315440
2096
samo što nisam znao kada.
05:29
All I knew was that I would
never be the same.
never be the same.
103
317560
2760
Znao sam samo
da više nikada neću biti isti.
da više nikada neću biti isti.
05:33
I remember once listening
to Whitney Houston singing,
to Whitney Houston singing,
104
321360
3616
Sjećam se da sam jednom prilikom slušao
Whitney Houston kako pjeva:
Whitney Houston kako pjeva:
05:37
"No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my dignity."
they can't take away my dignity."
105
325000
4856
"Neka mi uzmu sve što hoće,
ali dostojanstvo mi uzeti neće."
ali dostojanstvo mi uzeti neće."
05:41
And I thought to myself,
"You want to bet?"
"You want to bet?"
106
329880
2920
I pomislih: "Jesi sigurna?"
05:47
Perhaps my parents could have
found out and could have helped.
found out and could have helped.
107
335120
3736
Možda su moji roditelji
i mogli sve otkriti i pomoći mi,
i mogli sve otkriti i pomoći mi,
05:50
But the years of constant caretaking,
108
338880
2256
ali godine pružanja konstantne skrbi,
05:53
having to wake up
every two hours to turn me,
every two hours to turn me,
109
341160
2896
to što su se morali svaka dva sata
buditi da me okrenu,
buditi da me okrenu,
05:56
combined with them essentially
grieving the loss of their son,
grieving the loss of their son,
110
344080
3376
u kombinaciji s onim što je zapravo bilo
oplakivanje sina
oplakivanje sina
05:59
had taken a toll on my mother and father.
111
347480
3336
ostavilo je posljedice na mami i tati.
06:02
Following yet another heated argument
between my parents,
between my parents,
112
350840
3576
Nakon još jedne žučne rasprave
između mojih roditelja,
između mojih roditelja,
06:06
in a moment of despair and desperation,
113
354440
2616
u trenutku očaja i očajavanja,
06:09
my mother turned to me
and told me that I should die.
and told me that I should die.
114
357080
3320
mama mi je prišla i rekla mi
da bih trebao umrijeti.
da bih trebao umrijeti.
06:14
I was shocked, but as I thought
about what she had said,
about what she had said,
115
362160
3136
Bio sam u šoku, ali razmislio sam
o tome što je rekla.
o tome što je rekla.
06:17
I was filled with enormous compassion
and love for my mother,
and love for my mother,
116
365320
4016
Osjetio sam snažno suosjećanje
i ljubav prema majci,
i ljubav prema majci,
06:21
yet I could do nothing about it.
117
369360
1960
a nisam joj nikako mogao pomoći.
06:24
There were many moments when I gave up,
118
372640
2376
Često sam odustajao
06:27
sinking into a dark abyss.
119
375040
2376
i padao u ponor.
06:29
I remember one particularly low moment.
120
377440
3136
Sjećam se jednog posebno mračnog trenutka.
06:32
My dad left me alone in the car
121
380600
2256
Tata me ostavio samog u autu
06:34
while he quickly went
to buy something from the store.
to buy something from the store.
122
382880
3576
i nabrzinu otišao po nešto u trgovinu.
06:38
A random stranger walked past,
123
386480
2616
Pored auta prošao je neki stranac,
06:41
looked at me and he smiled.
124
389120
2840
pogledao me i nasmiješio se.
06:44
I may never know why, but that simple act,
125
392880
3136
Možda nikad neću znati zašto,
ali taj jednostavan čin,
ali taj jednostavan čin,
06:48
the fleeting moment of human connection,
126
396040
2296
taj prolazni trenutak
povezanosti s drugima
povezanosti s drugima
06:50
transformed how I was feeling,
127
398360
2376
promijenio je moje raspoloženje,
06:52
making me want to keep going.
128
400760
1920
poželio sam ne odustati.
06:55
My existence was tortured by monotony,
129
403760
2936
Moje postojanje pratila je monotonija,
06:58
a reality that was often too much to bear.
130
406720
3016
stvarnost koju je
često bilo teško podnositi.
često bilo teško podnositi.
07:01
Alone with my thoughts,
I constructed intricate fantasies
I constructed intricate fantasies
131
409760
4136
Sam sa svojim mislima,
stvarao sam zamršene fantazije
stvarao sam zamršene fantazije
07:05
about ants running across the floor.
132
413920
3376
o mravima koji trče po podu.
07:09
I taught myself to tell the time
by noticing where the shadows were.
by noticing where the shadows were.
133
417320
5096
Naučio sam se pogađati koliko je sati
primjećujući položaj sjena.
primjećujući položaj sjena.
07:14
As I learned how the shadows moved
as the hours of the day passed,
as the hours of the day passed,
134
422440
4136
Učeći pokrete sjena dok su prolazili sati,
07:18
I understood how long it would be
before I was picked up and taken home.
before I was picked up and taken home.
135
426600
4656
znao sam koliko još moram izdržati prije
nego me roditelji pokupe i odvezu kući.
nego me roditelji pokupe i odvezu kući.
07:23
Seeing my father walk
through the door to collect me
through the door to collect me
136
431280
3256
Prizor mog oca kako me dolazi pokupiti
07:26
was the best moment of the day.
137
434560
2160
bio mi je najbolji dio dana.
07:29
My mind became a tool that I could use
138
437600
2336
Moj je um postao alat
koji sam mogao koristiti
koji sam mogao koristiti
07:31
to either close down
to retreat from my reality
to retreat from my reality
139
439960
2816
ili da se zatvorim, da pobjegnem
od svoje stvarnosti
od svoje stvarnosti
07:34
or enlarge into a gigantic space
that I could fill with fantasies.
that I could fill with fantasies.
140
442800
4976
ili da ga pretvorim u ogroman prostor
koji bih napunio svojim maštarijama.
koji bih napunio svojim maštarijama.
07:39
I hoped that my reality would change
141
447800
1976
Nadao sam se promjeni moje stvarnosti,
07:41
and someone would see
that I had come back to life.
that I had come back to life.
142
449800
2856
da će netko primijetiti
da sam se vratio u život,
da sam se vratio u život,
07:44
But I had been washed away
like a sand castle
like a sand castle
143
452680
2696
no isprali su me poput kule u pijesku
07:47
built too close to the waves,
144
455400
2136
sagrađene preblizu valovima,
07:49
and in my place was the person
people expected me to be.
people expected me to be.
145
457560
4176
a umjesto mene postavljena je osoba
koju su ljudi očekivali da predstavljam.
koju su ljudi očekivali da predstavljam.
07:53
To some I was Martin,
a vacant shell, the vegetable,
a vacant shell, the vegetable,
146
461760
3776
Za neke sam bio Martin,
prazna ljuštura, biljka
prazna ljuštura, biljka
07:57
deserving of harsh words,
dismissal and even abuse.
dismissal and even abuse.
147
465560
4416
vrijedna grubih riječi, odbijanja,
pa čak i zlostavljanja.
pa čak i zlostavljanja.
08:02
To others, I was the tragically
brain-damaged boy
brain-damaged boy
148
470000
2936
Za druge sam bio dječak s tragičnom pričom
o poremećaju mozga
o poremećaju mozga
08:04
who had grown to become a man.
149
472960
2216
koji je odrastao u muškarca.
08:07
Someone they were kind to and cared for.
150
475200
3176
Netko prema kome su bili dragi
i za koga su brinuli.
i za koga su brinuli.
08:10
Good or bad, I was a blank canvas
151
478400
2496
Dobar ili loš, bio sam prazna ploča
08:12
onto which different versions
of myself were projected.
of myself were projected.
152
480920
3320
na koju su se projicirale
različite verzije mene.
različite verzije mene.
08:17
It took someone new
to see me in a different way.
to see me in a different way.
153
485160
3296
Da bih bio viđen u drugačijem svjetlu,
trebala je nova osoba.
trebala je nova osoba.
08:20
An aromatherapist began coming
to the care home about once a week.
to the care home about once a week.
154
488480
4256
U Dom za njegu jednom tjedno
počela je dolaziti aromaterapeutkinja
počela je dolaziti aromaterapeutkinja
08:24
Whether through intuition
or her attention to details
or her attention to details
155
492760
2976
koja je ili pomoću intuicije
ili pomoću oka za detalje
ili pomoću oka za detalje
08:27
that others failed to notice,
156
495760
2016
uočila ono što je drugima promicalo
08:29
she became convinced that I could
understand what was being said.
understand what was being said.
157
497800
4136
te je postala uvjerena da ja razumijem
što se govori.
što se govori.
08:33
She urged my parents
to have me tested by experts
to have me tested by experts
158
501960
3496
Nagovorila je moje roditelje
da me daju na stručno testiranje
da me daju na stručno testiranje
08:37
in augmentative
and alternative communication.
and alternative communication.
159
505480
3296
augmentativne i alternativne komunikacije.
08:40
And within a year,
160
508800
1216
Tijekom godine dana
08:42
I was beginning to use
a computer program to communicate.
a computer program to communicate.
161
510040
4056
počeo sam koristiti
računalni program za komunikaciju
računalni program za komunikaciju
08:46
It was exhilarating,
but frustrating at times.
but frustrating at times.
162
514120
3736
Bilo je uzbudljivo,
ali ponekada i frustrirajuće.
ali ponekada i frustrirajuće.
08:49
I had so many words in my mind,
163
517880
1976
U mom umu bilo je toliko riječi
08:51
that I couldn't wait
to be able to share them.
to be able to share them.
164
519880
2816
koje sam jedva čekao podijeliti s nekim.
08:54
Sometimes, I would say things to myself
simply because I could.
simply because I could.
165
522720
4736
Ponekad bih si govorio nešto
samo zato što sam mogao.
samo zato što sam mogao.
08:59
In myself, I had a ready audience,
166
527480
2616
U sebi sam imao publiku
09:02
and I believed that by expressing
my thoughts and wishes,
my thoughts and wishes,
167
530120
3136
i vjerovao sam da ću izražavajući
svoje misli i želje
svoje misli i želje
09:05
others would listen, too.
168
533280
1736
i druge navesti da slušaju.
09:07
But as I began to communicate more,
169
535040
2256
No, kako sam počeo sve više komunicirati,
09:09
I realized that it was in fact
only just the beginning
only just the beginning
170
537320
3176
shvatio sam da je to tek početak
09:12
of creating a new voice for myself.
171
540520
2936
stvaranja mog novog glasa.
09:15
I was thrust into a world
I didn't quite know how to function in.
I didn't quite know how to function in.
172
543480
4336
Bačen sam u svijet
u kojem nisam znao funkcionirati.
u kojem nisam znao funkcionirati.
09:19
I stopped going to the care home
173
547840
1656
Prestao sam ići u Dom za njegu
09:21
and managed to get my first job
making photocopies.
making photocopies.
174
549520
3856
i dobio prvi posao u kopiraonici.
09:25
As simple as this may sound,
it was amazing.
it was amazing.
175
553400
3456
Zvuči jednostavno, ali bilo je sjajno.
09:28
My new world was really exciting
176
556880
2016
Moj novi svijet bio je uistinu uzbudljiv,
09:30
but often quite overwhelming
and frightening.
and frightening.
177
558920
2816
ali često mi je to bilo
i malo preteško i zastrašujuće.
i malo preteško i zastrašujuće.
09:33
I was like a man-child,
178
561760
1816
Bio sam dijete muškarac
09:35
and as liberating as it often was,
179
563600
2096
i koliko god je to
ponekad bilo oslobađajuće,
ponekad bilo oslobađajuće,
09:37
I struggled.
180
565720
1736
mučio sam se.
09:39
I also learned that many of those
who had known me for a long time
who had known me for a long time
181
567480
3536
Također sam shvatio
da mnogi koji su me dugo poznavali
da mnogi koji su me dugo poznavali
09:43
found it impossible to abandon the idea
of Martin they had in their heads.
of Martin they had in their heads.
182
571040
4656
nikako nisu mogli napustiti ideju Martina
koju su stvorili u svojim glavama,
koju su stvorili u svojim glavama,
09:47
While those I had only just met
183
575720
1616
no oni koje sam tek upoznao
09:49
struggled to look past the image
of a silent man in a wheelchair.
of a silent man in a wheelchair.
184
577360
3760
teško da su vidjeli dalje
od šutljivog muškarca u kolicima.
od šutljivog muškarca u kolicima.
09:54
I realized that some people
would only listen to me
would only listen to me
185
582000
2736
Shvatio sam da će me neki ljudi slušati
09:56
if what I said was in line
with what they expected.
with what they expected.
186
584760
3016
jedino ako kažem nešto u okviru
onoga što oni od mene očekuju.
onoga što oni od mene očekuju.
09:59
Otherwise, it was disregarded
187
587800
2016
U protivnom su me ignorirali
10:01
and they did what they felt was best.
188
589840
2656
i radili ono što su mislili
da je najbolje.
da je najbolje.
10:04
I discovered that true communication
189
592520
2016
Shvatio sam da je istinska komunikacija
10:06
is about more than merely
physically conveying a message.
physically conveying a message.
190
594560
3816
više od fizičkog prijenosa poruke -
10:10
It is about getting the message
heard and respected.
heard and respected.
191
598400
2960
poruka se mora čuti i poštovati.
10:14
Still, things were going well.
192
602960
2256
No, sve je išlo dobro.
10:17
My body was slowly getting stronger.
193
605240
2576
Moje je tijelo polako bivalo sve jače.
10:19
I had a job in computing that I loved,
194
607840
2456
Imao sam posao u računarstvu
koji sam obožavao,
koji sam obožavao,
10:22
and had even got Kojak, the dog
I had been dreaming about for years.
I had been dreaming about for years.
195
610320
4896
a čak sam imao i Kojaka,
psa o kojem sam godinama sanjao.
psa o kojem sam godinama sanjao.
10:27
However, I longed to share
my life with someone.
my life with someone.
196
615240
3936
Međutim, umirao sam od želje
da svoj život podijelim s nekim.
da svoj život podijelim s nekim.
10:31
I remember staring out the window
as my dad drove me home from work,
as my dad drove me home from work,
197
619200
4416
Jednom sam gledao kroz prozor
dok me tata vozio s posla
dok me tata vozio s posla
10:35
thinking I have so much love inside of me
and nobody to give it to.
and nobody to give it to.
198
623640
4696
i razmišljao o tome koliko ljubavi imam
koju nemam kome dati.
koju nemam kome dati.
10:40
Just as I had resigned myself
to being single for the rest of my life,
to being single for the rest of my life,
199
628360
4456
Baš kad sam se pomirio s tim
da ću biti sam do kraja života,
da ću biti sam do kraja života,
10:44
I met Joan.
200
632840
1776
upoznao sam Joan.
10:46
Not only is she the best thing
that has ever happened to me,
that has ever happened to me,
201
634640
3456
Joan, ne samo da je najbolja stvar
koja mi se ikad dogodila
koja mi se ikad dogodila
10:50
but Joan helped me to challenge
my own misconceptions about myself.
my own misconceptions about myself.
202
638120
4896
već mi je i pomogla razbiti vlastite
zablude koje sam imao o sebi.
zablude koje sam imao o sebi.
10:55
Joan said it was through my words
that she fell in love with me.
that she fell in love with me.
203
643040
4616
Rekla je da se u mene zaljubila
kroz moje riječi,
kroz moje riječi,
10:59
However, after all I had been through,
204
647680
2776
no nakon svega što sam prošao,
11:02
I still couldn't shake the belief
205
650480
1736
teško mi je bilo povjerovati
11:04
that nobody could truly see
beyond my disability
beyond my disability
206
652240
3216
da bi itko mogao vidjeti dalje
od mog invaliditeta
od mog invaliditeta
11:07
and accept me for who I am.
207
655480
2576
i prihvatiti me takvog kakav jesam.
11:10
I also really struggled
to comprehend that I was a man.
to comprehend that I was a man.
208
658080
4176
Također mi je bilo teško
shvatiti da sam muškarac.
shvatiti da sam muškarac.
11:14
The first time someone
referred to me as a man,
referred to me as a man,
209
662280
2816
Kad su me prvi put oslovili kao muškarca,
11:17
it stopped me in my tracks.
210
665120
2296
smrznuo sam se.
11:19
I felt like looking around
and asking, "Who, me?"
and asking, "Who, me?"
211
667440
4616
Poželio sam pogledati uokolo
i pitati: "Tko, ja?"
i pitati: "Tko, ja?"
11:24
That all changed with Joan.
212
672080
2176
Sve se to promijenilo
kad sam upoznao Joan.
kad sam upoznao Joan.
11:26
We have an amazing connection
213
674280
1576
Imamo nevjerojatnu povezanost
11:27
and I learned how important it is
to communicate openly and honestly.
to communicate openly and honestly.
214
675880
4656
i naučio sam koliko je važno
komunicirati otvoreno i iskreno.
komunicirati otvoreno i iskreno.
11:32
I felt safe, and it gave me the confidence
to truly say what I thought.
to truly say what I thought.
215
680560
4936
Osjećao sam se sigurno, a to mi je dalo
hrabrost da govorim što zaista mislim.
hrabrost da govorim što zaista mislim.
11:37
I started to feel whole again,
a man worthy of love.
a man worthy of love.
216
685520
4296
Ponovno sam se počeo osjećati potpuno,
kao muškarac vrijedan ljubavi.
kao muškarac vrijedan ljubavi.
11:41
I began to reshape my destiny.
217
689840
2456
Počeo sam preoblikovati svoju sudbinu.
11:44
I spoke up a little more at work.
218
692320
2216
Počeo sam se
više zauzimati za sebe na poslu,
više zauzimati za sebe na poslu,
11:46
I asserted my need for independence
to the people around me.
to the people around me.
219
694560
4376
ljudima oko sebe izrazio sam
svoju potrebu za neovisnošću.
svoju potrebu za neovisnošću.
11:50
Being given a means of communication
changed everything.
changed everything.
220
698960
3856
To što sam dobio sredstvo komuniciranja
promijenilo je sve.
promijenilo je sve.
11:54
I used the power of words and will
to challenge the preconceptions
to challenge the preconceptions
221
702840
4216
Pomoću moći riječi i volje
razbijao sam predrasude
razbijao sam predrasude
11:59
of those around me
and those I had of myself.
and those I had of myself.
222
707080
3576
koje su imali ljudi oko mene,
pa čak i ja sam.
pa čak i ja sam.
12:02
Communication is what makes us human,
223
710680
2696
Komunikacija nas čini ljudima,
12:05
enabling us to connect
on the deepest level
on the deepest level
224
713400
2296
omogućava nam da se povezujemo
na najvišoj razini
na najvišoj razini
12:07
with those around us --
225
715720
1936
s onima oko nas -
12:09
telling our own stories,
226
717680
1576
pričajući vlastite priče,
12:11
expressing wants, needs and desires,
227
719280
3616
izražavajući želje, potrebe i težnje
12:14
or hearing those of others
by really listening.
by really listening.
228
722920
3136
ili slušajući druge, zaista slušajući.
12:18
All this is how the world
knows who we are.
knows who we are.
229
726080
3336
Tako svijet zna tko smo mi.
12:21
So who are we without it?
230
729440
1800
Tko smo mi bez nje?
12:24
True communication increases understanding
231
732480
3176
Istinska komunikacija
povećava razumijevanje
povećava razumijevanje
12:27
and creates a more caring
and compassionate world.
and compassionate world.
232
735680
3040
i stvara brižniji i suosjećajniji svijet.
12:31
Once, I was perceived
to be an inanimate object,
to be an inanimate object,
233
739800
3096
Nekoć su na mene gledali
kao na neživo biće,
kao na neživo biće,
12:34
a mindless phantom
of a boy in a wheelchair.
of a boy in a wheelchair.
234
742920
3296
nesvjesnog fantoma dječaka u kolicima.
12:38
Today, I am so much more.
235
746240
2256
Danas sam puno više -
12:40
A husband, a son, a friend,
236
748520
2416
muž, sin, prijatelj,
12:42
a brother, a business owner,
a first-class honors graduate,
a first-class honors graduate,
237
750960
4256
brat, vlasnik poduzeća,
diplomirani student počasne prve klase,
diplomirani student počasne prve klase,
12:47
a keen amateur photographer.
238
755240
2336
vješt fotograf amater.
12:49
It is my ability to communicate
that has given me all this.
that has given me all this.
239
757600
3840
Moja sposobnost komunikacije
pružila mi je sve to.
pružila mi je sve to.
12:54
We are told that actions
speak louder than words.
speak louder than words.
240
762320
3696
Govore nam da djela govore više od riječi,
12:58
But I wonder,
241
766040
1936
ali ja se pitam
13:00
do they?
242
768000
1200
je li to uistinu tako.
13:02
Our words, however we communicate them,
243
770880
2656
Naše riječi, bez obzira
na to kako ih prenosimo.
na to kako ih prenosimo.
13:05
are just as powerful.
244
773560
2096
jednako su moćne.
13:07
Whether we speak the words
with our own voices,
with our own voices,
245
775680
2736
Bez obzira na to izgovaramo li ih
vlastitim glasom,
vlastitim glasom,
13:10
type them with our eyes,
246
778440
1336
istipkamo ih očima
13:11
or communicate them non-verbally
to someone who speaks them for us,
to someone who speaks them for us,
247
779800
4256
ili ih prenosimo neverbalno nekome
tko ih izgovara za nas,
tko ih izgovara za nas,
13:16
words are among our most powerful tools.
248
784080
2880
riječi su jedno od naših
najmoćnijih alata.
najmoćnijih alata.
13:20
I have come to you through
a terrible darkness,
a terrible darkness,
249
788400
2816
Došao sam vam kroz strašnu tamu
13:23
pulled from it by caring souls
250
791240
2096
iz koje su me izvukle brižne duše
13:25
and by language itself.
251
793360
2336
i sam jezik.
13:27
The act of you listening to me today
brings me farther into the light.
brings me farther into the light.
252
795720
4016
To što me vi danas slušate
još me više približava svjetlu.
još me više približava svjetlu.
13:31
We are shining here together.
253
799760
2296
Ovdje zajedno svijetlimo.
13:34
If there is one most difficult obstacle
to my way of communicating,
to my way of communicating,
254
802080
4296
Jedina preostala poteškoća
u mom načinu komunikacije
u mom načinu komunikacije
13:38
it is that sometimes I want to shout
255
806400
1936
jest to što ponekad želim vikati,
13:40
and other times simply to whisper
a word of love or gratitude.
a word of love or gratitude.
256
808360
4296
a ponekad želim samo prošaptati
riječ ljubavi ili zahvalnosti.
riječ ljubavi ili zahvalnosti.
13:44
It all sounds the same.
257
812680
2256
Sve zvuči isto.
13:46
But if you will,
258
814960
1416
No, molim vas,
13:48
please imagine these next two words
as warmly as you can:
as warmly as you can:
259
816400
3760
zamislite sljedeće dvije riječi
najtoplije što možete:
najtoplije što možete:
13:54
Thank you.
260
822480
1200
Hvala vam.
13:56
(Applause)
261
824280
10800
(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Martin Pistorius - Author, designerAt age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story.
Why you should listen
Martin Pistorius is a web designer and author whose personal story borders on the unimaginable. In his book Ghost Boy, he tells the story of his return to consciousness after a horrible illness ... and his struggle to tell the world that he was still there, inside his body, hoping to communicate.
More profile about the speakerMartin Pistorius | Speaker | TED.com