Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story
سو كليبولد: ابني كان مطلق نار في كولومبين. هذه هي قصتي.
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
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at Columbine High School,
في مدرسة كولومباين الثانوية،
before taking their own lives.
قبيل انتحارهما.
in a state of grief and trauma.
من الحزن والأسى.
and permanent disability.
وإعاقاتٍ مستديمة.
of deaths and injuries that took place.
والإصابات التي حدثت فحسب.
the psychological damage
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
في أعمال الإغاثة والتنظيف.
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
مثل كولومباين،
to commit atrocities of their own.
يمضون في اقتراف وحشيتهم.
for the community and for society
to try to accept my son's legacy.
لتقبل ما أورثه لي ابني.
that defined the end of his life
different person from the one I knew.
عن الشخص الذي أعرفه.
I thought of myself as a good mom.
that I failed as a parent,
that brings me here today.
التي جاءت بي هنا اليوم.
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
الذي عرف "ديلان" وأحبه كثيرًا.
what was happening,
of someone who kills and hurts.
I combed through memories,
exactly where I failed as a parent.
who didn't know me before the shootings,
الذين لم يكونوا يعرفوني قبل إطلاق النار،
has experienced loss
قد فقد عزيزًا
caused by a member of my family
التي سببها أحد أفراد أسرتي،
and even compassion
my son's death as a suicide.
so he could end his life.
حتى يتمكن من إنهاء حياته.
until months after his death.
حتى أشهر بعد وفاته.
he showed at the end of his life.
الذي ارتكبه في نهاية حياته.
and talking with experts,
was rooted not in his desire to kill
لا يعود إلى رغبته في القتل،
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
عن جريمة ابني وانتحاره
because it's more concrete.
لأنها أكثر واقعية.
I'm talking about violence.
أنا أتحدث عن العنف.
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
هو أن أساهم في الفهم الخاطئ
who have a mental illness
to maybe more than 90 percent
mental health condition of some kind.
is not equipped to help everyone,
ليس مجهزًا لمساعدة الجميع،
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
إلا إذا وصلوا إلى أزمة سلوكية.
to two percent of all suicides
as they are rising for some populations,
عند بعض الفئات السكانية،
will rise as well.
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
في عقل "ديلان" قبل وفاته،
from other survivors of suicide loss.
من الناجين الآخرين من مأساة الانتحار.
to help with fund-raising events,
survived their own suicidal crisis
الأزمة الانتحارية الخاصة بهم
conversations I had
that Dylan could not have loved me
بأن "ديلان" لم يستطع أن يحبني
as horrible as he did.
فظيعًا كالذي فعله.
that conversation,
a young, single mother
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
وتم نقلها إلى المستشفى للحفاظ على سلامتها.
would be better off if she died,
was the strongest bond on Earth,
هو أقوى رابطة على الأرض،
more than anything in the world,
أكثر من أي شيء في العالم،
would be better off without her.
سيكونون أفضل حالًا بدونها.
I've learned from others
the so-called decision or choice
that we choose what car to drive
نوع السيارة لقيادتها
in an extremely suicidal state,
في قمة الرغبة بالانتحار،
medical health emergency.
رعاية صحية طارئة.
lost access to tools of self-governance.
لأدوات التحكم بالذات.
make a plan and act with logic,
والتصرف بمنطقية،
is distorted by a filter of pain
بواسطة مُرشِّح الألم،
interpret their reality.
at hiding this state,
في إخفاء هذه الحالة،
good reasons for doing that.
للقيام بذلك.
suicidal thoughts at some point,
ongoing thoughts of suicide
recognized and treated
was not purely a suicide.
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
أصبح تفكيره الانتحاري هو القتل.
and there are no simple answers.
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
كما كان يعتمد على ذاته،
to seek help from others.
طلبه المساعدة من الآخرين.
triggering events at the school
debased and humiliated and mad.
of rage and alienation,
مشاعر الغضب والاختلال،
owned any in our home.
لأي منها في المنزل.
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
أن يقوم بشراء أسلحة
without my permission or knowledge.
دون إذني أو معرفتي.
and many school shootings later,
تعرضت لإطلاق النار لاحقًا،
I got breast cancer,
أصِبتُ بسرطان الصدر،
I began to have mental health problems.
بدأت أعاني من مشاكل في الصحة العقلية.
into a family member
أي من أفراد العائلة لأحد ضحايا "ديلان"،
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
بالأم الفظيعة أو الشخص المثير للاشمئزاز.
four years after the shootings,
أربع سنوات من إطلاق النار،
for the depositions
the victims' families face to face.
الضحايا وجهًا لوجه.
six years after the shootings,
ست سنوات من إطلاق النار،
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
عن القتل والانتحار
into this spinning cycle of terror
موجة الذعر المتكررة هذه،
or reason my way out of it,
بعيدًا عن ذلك،
was trying to kill me,
to have a malfunctioning mind,
عندما يصيبك عطل في العقل.
became a brain health advocate.
المدافع عن صحة الدماغ.
as normal under the circumstances.
في ظل هذه الظروف.
on all that had happened,
spiral into dysfunction
خلال الخلل الوظيفي
over a period of about two years,
that he needed help
قد عرف أنه يحتاج إلى مساعدة
and taps into my feelings of guilt
ويلامس أعماق شعوري بالذنب
التي خضعت لها
how much we want to believe we can,
بأننا نستطيع،
that we are somehow different,
would never think of hurting themselves
لا يمكن أن يفكر أبدًا في إيذاء نفسه
do come to pass,
وأردنا أن نتجاوزها،
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
مسامحة أنفسنا لعدم المعرفة،
to what the other families lost.
مع ما فقدته العائلات الأخرى.
doesn't make theirs any easier.
لا يمكنه تخفيف ذلك أبدًا.
I don't have the right to any pain,
أنه ليس لي الحق بأن أتألم،
من التكفير الدائم عن الذنب.
the most vigilant and responsible of us
الناس الحذرين والمسؤولين منا
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - ActivistSue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.
Why you should listen
Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com