TEDMED 2016
Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story
苏·克莱伯德: 我儿子是哥伦拜恩校园事件的枪击者。这是我的故事。
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苏·克莱伯德是迪伦·克莱伯德的母亲，迪伦是哥伦拜恩校园惨案两名枪击者之一，导致12名学生和1名教师死亡。她花费数年挖掘她家庭生活的每一个细节，尝试理解她曾经能做什么来让儿子远离暴力。在这个艰难的不和谐的演讲中，克莱伯德探讨了心理健康与暴力之间的交集，倡导家长和专业人士继续研究自杀和杀人思维之间的联系。
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:26
The last time I heard my son's voice
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我最后一次听到我儿子的声音
00:28
was when he walked out the front door
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是在他走出家门
00:30
on his way to school.
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去学校时
00:33
He called out one word in the darkness:
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黑暗中他只说了一个字
00:36
"Bye."
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“拜”。
00:38
It was April 20, 1999.
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那是1999年的4月20日。
00:41
Later that morning,
at Columbine High School,
at Columbine High School,
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那天早上晚些时候，在哥伦拜恩高中
00:44
my son Dylan and his friend Eric
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我儿子迪伦和他的朋友埃里克
00:47
killed 12 students and a teacher
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枪杀了12名学生和1名老师
00:51
and wounded more than 20 others
before taking their own lives.
before taking their own lives.
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并且在他们两人自杀之前还造成20多人受伤。
00:56
Thirteen innocent people were killed,
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13个无辜的人丧失了性命，
00:59
leaving their loved ones
in a state of grief and trauma.
in a state of grief and trauma.
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让深爱他们人陷入深深的悲痛之中
01:03
Others sustained injuries,
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另外有一些人受了伤，
01:05
some resulting in disfigurement
and permanent disability.
and permanent disability.
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有一个些人毁容或是终身残疾。
01:10
But the enormity of the tragedy
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但是悲剧的深重程度
01:12
can't be measured only by the number
of deaths and injuries that took place.
of deaths and injuries that took place.
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是无法仅仅通过死亡和受伤人数来衡量的
01:17
There's no way to quantify
the psychological damage
the psychological damage
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当时在学校里的人受到的心理伤害
01:21
of those who were in the school,
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是无法量化地体现出来的
01:23
or who took part
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
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对于参与救援或清理工作的人员也是如此
01:27
There's no way to assess
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
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我们没有办法评估像哥伦拜恩事件的严重程度
01:31
especially when it can be a blueprint
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特别当这件事可能会被
01:33
for other shooters who go on
to commit atrocities of their own.
to commit atrocities of their own.
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其他谋划暴行的枪击者当成范例
01:38
Columbine was a tidal wave,
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哥伦拜恩事件就像一个浪潮，
01:41
and when the crash ended,
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即便悲剧结束以后，
01:42
it would take years
for the community and for society
for the community and for society
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当地社区和整个社会
还需要通过很长一段时间
还需要通过很长一段时间
01:46
to comprehend its impact.
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来理解这件事真实的影响力
01:49
It has taken me years
to try to accept my son's legacy.
to try to accept my son's legacy.
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我花了许多年的时间
才接受我儿子留下的一切
才接受我儿子留下的一切
01:54
The cruel behavior
that defined the end of his life
that defined the end of his life
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他用残忍的方式来结束自己的生命
01:57
showed me that he was a completely
different person from the one I knew.
different person from the one I knew.
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让我发现
这完全不是我所熟悉的那个人
这完全不是我所熟悉的那个人
02:02
Afterwards people asked,
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在那之后有很多人问我，
02:05
"How could you not know?
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“你怎么可能不知道你儿子要枪杀别人？
02:07
What kind of a mother were you?"
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你这是什么样的母亲？“
02:10
I still ask myself those same questions.
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直到现在
我仍旧会问自己相同的问题
我仍旧会问自己相同的问题
02:14
Before the shootings,
I thought of myself as a good mom.
I thought of myself as a good mom.
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在枪击案前，
我自认为是一个很好的母亲
我自认为是一个很好的母亲
02:17
Helping my children become caring,
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帮助我的孩子们懂得如何关心他人，
02:20
healthy, responsible adults
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如何成为健康和有责任感的人
02:22
was the most important role of my life.
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是我毕生最重要的事情。
02:26
But the tragedy convinced me
that I failed as a parent,
that I failed as a parent,
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但是这个惨剧让我意识到
自己是一个失败的家长
自己是一个失败的家长
02:30
and it's partially this sense of failure
that brings me here today.
that brings me here today.
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正是缘于这种挫败感
让我今天站到了这里
让我今天站到了这里
02:36
Aside from his father,
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除了他的父亲，
02:37
I was the one person
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
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我曾是最了解和深爱迪伦的人
02:41
If anyone could have known
what was happening,
what was happening,
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如果有任何人有机会知道那起枪杀案
02:44
it should have been me, right?
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那应该是我，不是吗？
02:47
But I didn't know.
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但是我却一无所知。
02:50
Today, I'm here to share the experience
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今天，我就来分享自己
02:52
of what it's like to be the mother
of someone who kills and hurts.
of someone who kills and hurts.
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作为一个杀害他人的孩子的母亲的经历
02:57
For years after the tragedy,
I combed through memories,
I combed through memories,
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在悲剧发生后的这些年里，
我梳理了记忆
我梳理了记忆
03:01
trying to figure out
exactly where I failed as a parent.
exactly where I failed as a parent.
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试图弄明白
我作为家长的失败之处
我作为家长的失败之处
03:05
But there are no simple answers.
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但是这个问题并没有简单的答案
03:08
I can't give you any solutions.
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我无法给你们任何解决方案
03:10
All I can do
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我力所能及的
03:12
is share what I have learned.
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只有分享我从这件事中学到的东西
03:16
When I talk to people
who didn't know me before the shootings,
who didn't know me before the shootings,
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当我与那些在枪击案前不认识我的人谈话时
03:20
I have three challenges to meet.
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我面临着三个挑战
03:22
First, when I walk into a room like this,
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第一，当我走进这样一个房间，
03:26
I never know if someone there
has experienced loss
has experienced loss
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我永远无法知道其中是否有人
因为我儿子的所作所为
因为我儿子的所作所为
03:30
because of what my son did.
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正经历着丧亲之痛
03:33
I feel a need to acknowledge the suffering
caused by a member of my family
caused by a member of my family
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我觉得我必须承担
由于我的家庭成员造成的痛苦
由于我的家庭成员造成的痛苦
03:37
who isn't here to do it for himself.
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即便他已无法亲自偿还
03:40
So first, with all of my heart,
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因此，如果我的伤害对你造成过上海
03:43
I'm sorry if my son has caused you pain.
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我深表歉意
03:48
The second challenge I have
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我面临的第二个挑战
03:51
is that I must ask for understanding
and even compassion
and even compassion
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是当我谈及我的儿子是自杀而亡的时候
03:55
when I talk about
my son's death as a suicide.
my son's death as a suicide.
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我必须请求他人的理解
甚至是同情
甚至是同情
03:59
Two years before he died,
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在他过世两年以前
04:01
he wrote on a piece of paper in a notebook
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他的笔记本上有一页写着
04:03
that he was cutting himself.
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他正在割伤自己
04:06
He said that he was in agony
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他说他很痛苦
04:07
and wanted to get a gun
so he could end his life.
so he could end his life.
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希望用枪来结束自己的生命
04:11
I didn't know about any of this
until months after his death.
until months after his death.
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我直到他死后的数月才发现这些
04:15
When I talk about his death as a suicide,
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当我谈及他是死于自杀时，
04:19
I'm not trying to downplay the viciousness
he showed at the end of his life.
he showed at the end of his life.
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我并非想故意淡化他在生命尽头时
所展现出来的残忍恶意
所展现出来的残忍恶意
04:23
I'm trying to understand
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我尝试理解
04:25
how his suicidal thinking
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为什么他的自杀念想
04:27
led to murder.
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最后变成了谋杀
04:30
After a lot of reading
and talking with experts,
and talking with experts,
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在大量的阅读和与专家咨询后
04:33
I have come to believe
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我逐渐相信
04:35
that his involvement in the shootings
was rooted not in his desire to kill
was rooted not in his desire to kill
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他参与枪杀
并非源于他想杀人
并非源于他想杀人
04:40
but in his desire to die.
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而是因为他的求死的欲望
04:43
The third challenge I have
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
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当我谈及我儿子的谋杀后自尽时
我面临的第三个挑战
我面临的第三个挑战
04:48
is that I'm talking about mental health --
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是心理健康－
04:52
excuse me --
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不好意思－
04:53
is that I'm talking about mental health,
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我要谈论的是精神健康，
04:56
or brain health, as I prefer to call it,
because it's more concrete.
because it's more concrete.
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或者用更具体的说法
我更愿意称之为脑健康
我更愿意称之为脑健康
05:00
And in the same breath,
I'm talking about violence.
I'm talking about violence.
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同时，我想谈及的是暴力
05:04
The last thing I want to do
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
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我最后一件想做的事是消除
05:08
that already exists around mental illness.
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人们关于精神疾病的误解。
05:11
Only a very small percent of those
who have a mental illness
who have a mental illness
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只有一小部分精神疾病患者
05:16
are violent toward other people,
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会对周围人产生暴力行为
05:19
but of those who die by suicide,
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但是据估计
对于自杀而亡的人
对于自杀而亡的人
05:22
it's estimated that about 75
to maybe more than 90 percent
to maybe more than 90 percent
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有75%到甚至超过90%的人
05:27
have a diagnosable
mental health condition of some kind.
mental health condition of some kind.
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都会被诊断出
患有某种程度的精神疾病
患有某种程度的精神疾病
05:31
As you all know very well,
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众所周知
05:32
our mental health care system
is not equipped to help everyone,
is not equipped to help everyone,
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我们的精神健康康复系统
并不能帮助每一个人
并不能帮助每一个人
05:37
and not everyone with destructive thoughts
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也不是每一个有破坏性思想的人
05:39
fits the criteria
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都完全符合
05:41
for a specific diagnosis.
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某些病症诊断的特定标准
05:44
Many who have ongoing feelings
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很多人正经受着无休止的
05:46
of fear or anger or hopelessness
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恐惧，愤怒，或是无助
05:50
are never assessed or treated.
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却永远无法得到诊断或治疗。
05:52
Too often, they get our attention
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
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太多时候，只有当这些人发生行为
危机时才能得到我们的注意
危机时才能得到我们的注意
05:58
If estimates are correct
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如果估计准确的话
06:00
that about one
to two percent of all suicides
to two percent of all suicides
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在1%到2%的自杀事件中
06:03
involves the murder of another person,
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都会涉及到谋杀另一个人
06:07
when suicide rates rise,
as they are rising for some populations,
as they are rising for some populations,
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当自杀率上升时
牵扯到的人数也同样上升，
牵扯到的人数也同样上升，
06:11
the murder-suicide rates
will rise as well.
will rise as well.
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谋杀后的自杀率也同样会上升
06:15
I wanted to understand what was going on
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
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我想知道在迪伦死之前
他到底在想什么
他到底在想什么
06:21
so I looked for answers
from other survivors of suicide loss.
from other survivors of suicide loss.
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所以我想要从其他自杀幸存者中寻求答案
06:26
I did research and volunteered
to help with fund-raising events,
to help with fund-raising events,
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我除了研究外
还志愿参加里协助筹款活动
还志愿参加里协助筹款活动
06:31
and whenever I could,
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只要我有时间
06:33
I talked with those who had
survived their own suicidal crisis
survived their own suicidal crisis
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我就会和那些在曾经经历自杀危机
06:37
or attempt.
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或曾试图自杀的幸存者聊天
06:39
One of the most helpful
conversations I had
conversations I had
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其中最让我受益匪浅的
06:42
was with a coworker
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是和我同事的一次谈话
06:43
who overheard me talking to someone else
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她偶然听到我在办公室的
06:45
in my office cubicle.
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小隔间与其他人的谈话
06:47
She heard me say
that Dylan could not have loved me
that Dylan could not have loved me
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她听到我说
如果迪伦能做出如此可怕的事情
如果迪伦能做出如此可怕的事情
06:51
if he could do something
as horrible as he did.
as horrible as he did.
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他很可能从来就没有爱过我
06:55
Later, when she found me alone,
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之后，当她看我独自一人时
06:57
she apologized for overhearing
that conversation,
that conversation,
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她因为无意听到我与他人的谈话向我道歉，
07:00
but told me that I was wrong.
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但同时也告诉我我错了
07:02
She said that when she was
a young, single mother
a young, single mother
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她说当她还是一个年轻的单身母亲
07:05
with three small children,
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带着三个年幼的孩子时
07:07
she became severely depressed
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
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她变得极度沮丧
只有住院才能确保她的安全
只有住院才能确保她的安全
07:13
At the time, she was certain
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当时，她相当肯定的是
07:15
that her children
would be better off if she died,
would be better off if she died,
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如果她死了
孩子们将会过得更好
孩子们将会过得更好
07:18
so she had made a plan to end her life.
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所以她计划要结束自己的生命
07:21
She assured me that a mother's love
was the strongest bond on Earth,
was the strongest bond on Earth,
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她向我保证
母爱是世界上最强有力的纽带
母爱是世界上最强有力的纽带
07:25
and that she loved her children
more than anything in the world,
more than anything in the world,
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她爱自己的孩子
远胜于世界上的任何东西
远胜于世界上的任何东西
07:29
but because of her illness,
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但是因为她的疾病
07:31
she was sure that they
would be better off without her.
would be better off without her.
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她笃定没有她
孩子们会过得更好
孩子们会过得更好
07:36
What she said and what
I've learned from others
I've learned from others
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她所说的
以及我从其他人那了解到的
以及我从其他人那了解到的
07:39
is that we do not make
the so-called decision or choice
the so-called decision or choice
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是我们不能通过自杀的行为
做出所谓的
做出所谓的
07:43
to die by suicide
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决定或是选择
07:45
in the same way
that we choose what car to drive
that we choose what car to drive
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这不能和我们在周六晚上
选择开哪辆车
选择开哪辆车
07:48
or where to go on a Saturday night.
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或者去哪里的选择相提并论
07:51
When someone is
in an extremely suicidal state,
in an extremely suicidal state,
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当人们生活在一个
自杀率如此高的州
自杀率如此高的州
07:54
they are in a stage four
medical health emergency.
medical health emergency.
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他们处于医疗急救的第四个阶段
07:59
Their thinking is impaired and they've
lost access to tools of self-governance.
lost access to tools of self-governance.
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他们的思维受损
也丧失了自我管理的能力
也丧失了自我管理的能力
08:05
Even though they can
make a plan and act with logic,
make a plan and act with logic,
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即便他们可以做出计划
以及逻辑性地行动
以及逻辑性地行动
08:08
their sense of truth
is distorted by a filter of pain
is distorted by a filter of pain
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他们对真相的感知
已经被痛苦的过滤器扭曲
已经被痛苦的过滤器扭曲
08:12
through which they
interpret their reality.
interpret their reality.
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而这影响了他们
对于真实世界的解读
对于真实世界的解读
08:15
Some people can be very good
at hiding this state,
at hiding this state,
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有些人非常善于隐藏这些状态
08:19
and they often have
good reasons for doing that.
good reasons for doing that.
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他们经常为自己所做的事情找到很好的理由
08:23
Many of us have
suicidal thoughts at some point,
suicidal thoughts at some point,
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我们大多数人在某个时刻
都曾会有自杀的想法
都曾会有自杀的想法
08:27
but persistent,
ongoing thoughts of suicide
ongoing thoughts of suicide
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但是自杀念头持续在脑中萦绕
08:30
and devising a means to die
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和设计死亡的方式
08:32
are symptoms of pathology,
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是病理学的症状，
08:35
and like many illnesses,
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就像许多疾病一样，
08:37
the condition has to be
recognized and treated
recognized and treated
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这种状况必须及时发现
并给予治疗
并给予治疗
08:40
before a life is lost.
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在生命结束以前
08:43
But my son's death
was not purely a suicide.
was not purely a suicide.
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但是我儿子的死亡
并非纯粹的自杀
并非纯粹的自杀
08:47
It involved mass murder.
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它还涉及到了大规模的谋杀
08:50
I wanted to know how his
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
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我想知道他的自杀念头
如何变成了杀人
如何变成了杀人
08:56
But research is sparse
and there are no simple answers.
and there are no simple answers.
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但是相关的研究非常有限
这个问题同样也没有简单的答案
这个问题同样也没有简单的答案
09:01
Yes, he probably had ongoing depression.
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没错，他很可能不可自拔地沉浸于沮丧之中
09:05
He had a personality
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
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他追求完美主义
做事偏向独立
做事偏向独立
09:12
and that made him less likely
to seek help from others.
to seek help from others.
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因此他不太可能向他人寻求帮助
09:16
He had experienced
triggering events at the school
triggering events at the school
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他在学校曾经历过导火索事件
09:20
that left him feeling
debased and humiliated and mad.
debased and humiliated and mad.
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这让他觉得自己
因遭到鄙视和羞辱而愤怒
因遭到鄙视和羞辱而愤怒
09:27
And he had a complicated friendship
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他与一个和他一样
有着愤怒和被边缘化经历的男生
有着愤怒和被边缘化经历的男生
09:30
with a boy who shared his feelings
of rage and alienation,
of rage and alienation,
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有着复杂的交情
09:34
and who was seriously disturbed,
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这个男生心绪极度紊乱
09:37
controlling and homicidal.
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具有极强的控制欲和杀人倾向
09:41
And on top of this period in his life
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在他处于人生中最为异常
09:44
of extreme vulnerability and fragility,
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脆弱和不稳定的时期，
09:48
Dylan found access to guns
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迪伦开始设法获取枪支
09:50
even though we'd never
owned any in our home.
owned any in our home.
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即便我们家从来都没有出现过
09:53
It was appallingly easy
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
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没想到一个17岁的男生
能如此轻而易地举买到枪支
能如此轻而易地举买到枪支
09:59
both legally and illegally,
without my permission or knowledge.
without my permission or knowledge.
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不论是合法还是非法，
而且是在不需要我的允许或了解的情况下
而且是在不需要我的允许或了解的情况下
10:04
And somehow, 17 years
and many school shootings later,
and many school shootings later,
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在过去的17年间
仍然发生了很多校园枪击事件
仍然发生了很多校园枪击事件
10:10
it's still appallingly easy.
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它还是如此轻易地发生
10:14
What Dylan did that day broke my heart,
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迪伦当天所作所为伤透了我的心
10:18
and as trauma so often does,
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这痛苦就像创伤一样时常复发
10:20
it took a toll on my body and on my mind.
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它让我身心俱疲
10:24
Two years after the shootings,
I got breast cancer,
I got breast cancer,
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在枪击案发生后两年后
我得了乳腺癌
我得了乳腺癌
10:28
and two years after that,
I began to have mental health problems.
I began to have mental health problems.
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再之后的两年
我开始出现精神问题
我开始出现精神问题
10:33
On top of the constant, perpetual grief
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我沉浸在无尽的悲伤之中
10:36
I was terrified that I would run
into a family member
into a family member
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我非常害怕自己会不小心遇到
10:40
of someone Dylan had killed,
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被迪伦所杀害的人的家属
10:42
or be accosted by the press
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或者被媒体
10:45
or by an angry citizen.
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被愤怒的民众谴责
10:47
I was afraid to turn on the news,
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我不敢看新闻，
10:50
afraid to hear myself being called
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
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不敢听到自己被称为糟糕透顶的家长
或者令人作呕之人
或者令人作呕之人
10:58
I started having panic attacks.
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我开始患上急性焦虑发作的疾病
11:02
The first bout started
four years after the shootings,
four years after the shootings,
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在枪击案发生后的第四年
我的急性焦虑症第一次发作
我的急性焦虑症第一次发作
11:06
when I was getting ready
for the depositions
for the depositions
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是在准备出席法庭作证
11:09
and would have to meet
the victims' families face to face.
the victims' families face to face.
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与受害家属面对面的时候
11:12
The second round started
six years after the shootings,
six years after the shootings,
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第二次发作是在枪击案后的第六年
11:16
when I was preparing
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
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当我第一次准备面对公众
11:19
for the first time at a conference.
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做一场有关于谋杀后自尽的演讲时
11:22
Both episodes lasted several weeks.
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两次发作都持续数周
11:27
The attacks happened everywhere:
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急性焦虑症随时随地都能发作：
11:29
in the hardware store, in my office,
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在五金用品店，在我的办公室里，
甚至当我在床上看书时
11:32
or even while reading a book in bed.
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11:35
My mind would suddenly lock
into this spinning cycle of terror
into this spinning cycle of terror
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我的心绪
会忽然陷入恐惧的死循环中
会忽然陷入恐惧的死循环中
不管我多么努力地尝试
11:40
and no matter how I hard I tried
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11:42
to calm myself down
or reason my way out of it,
or reason my way out of it,
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让自己平静下来
说服自己脱离恐惧
说服自己脱离恐惧
11:46
I couldn't do it.
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也没有任何效果
11:49
It felt as if my brain
was trying to kill me,
was trying to kill me,
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我只感觉我的大脑要致我于死地
对恐惧本身的恐惧
11:52
and then, being afraid of being afraid
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11:55
consumed all of my thoughts.
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吞噬了我所有的思绪
11:58
That's when I learned firsthand
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这是第一次我亲身感受到
12:00
what it feels like
to have a malfunctioning mind,
to have a malfunctioning mind,
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心绪紊乱时的感觉
这也促使我
彻底成为脑健康的倡导者
彻底成为脑健康的倡导者
12:03
and that's when I truly
became a brain health advocate.
became a brain health advocate.
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通过治疗、药物和自我护理
12:08
With therapy and medication and self-care,
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12:11
life eventually returned
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生活最终会回归到
12:13
to whatever could be thought of
as normal under the circumstances.
as normal under the circumstances.
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我们所认为的正轨
12:18
When I looked back
on all that had happened,
on all that had happened,
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当我回顾这些年来发生的事情，
12:20
I could see that my son's
spiral into dysfunction
spiral into dysfunction
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我终于明白
早在事件发生的2年前
早在事件发生的2年前
我儿子很可能
已经陷入了功能紊乱的漩涡
已经陷入了功能紊乱的漩涡
12:24
probably occurred
over a period of about two years,
over a period of about two years,
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12:28
plenty of time to get him help,
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哪怕有一个人知道他需要帮助
知道如何帮助他
12:31
if only someone had known
that he needed help
that he needed help
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12:34
and known what to do.
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两年的时间是足够挽回这一切的
12:40
Every time someone asks me,
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每次有人问我，
“你怎么可能不知道呢？”的时候
12:43
"How could you not have known?",
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12:45
it feels like a punch in the gut.
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我就感觉心上被重重地打了一拳
12:48
It carries accusation
and taps into my feelings of guilt
and taps into my feelings of guilt
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这种带着谴责的质问
直捣我心底的内疚感
直捣我心底的内疚感
12:53
that no matter how much therapy I've had
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不论我接受过多少治疗
12:55
I will never fully eradicate.
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我也永远无法做到不为所动
12:58
But here's something I've learned:
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但同时我也学习到
13:01
if love were enough
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如果我们有足够的爱
13:03
to stop someone who is suicidal
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就能够阻止那些有自杀念想的人
13:05
from hurting themselves,
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对自己进行伤害
13:08
suicides would hardly ever happen.
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自杀将几乎不再发生
13:11
But love is not enough,
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但是光有爱还不够，
自杀是如此普遍的一件事情
13:14
and suicide is prevalent.
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13:16
It's the second leading cause of death
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自杀是导致10岁到34岁的人群
13:19
for people age 10 to 34,
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死亡的第二大原因
13:22
and 15 percent of American youth
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其中有15%的美国青少年
13:25
report having made a suicide plan
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表示自己仅仅在去年
13:28
in the last year.
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就有过自杀的计划
13:31
I've learned that no matter
how much we want to believe we can,
how much we want to believe we can,
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我意识到
不管我们如何坚信
不管我们如何坚信
13:36
we cannot know or control
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自己可以了解所爱之人的想法和感受
13:38
everything our loved ones think and feel,
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实际上也无法感知或掌握他们的所思所感
13:41
and the stubborn belief
that we are somehow different,
that we are somehow different,
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每个人固执地相信
自己多少有些与众不同
自己多少有些与众不同
13:45
that someone we love
would never think of hurting themselves
would never think of hurting themselves
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我们爱的人
从未有过伤害自己
从未有过伤害自己
13:49
or someone else,
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或者伤害他人的想法
13:51
can cause us to miss
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2016
这会让我们错过那些隐藏着的
13:53
what's hidden in plain sight.
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本应轻易被发现的事实。
13:56
And if worst case scenarios
do come to pass,
do come to pass,
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如果当最坏的情况真的发生了，
14:01
we'll have to learn
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
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我们一定要学会
原谅自己的不知情
原谅自己的不知情
14:05
or for not asking the right questions
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没有正确地发问
14:08
or not finding the right treatment.
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或是没有使用合理的解决办法
14:12
We should always assume
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我们应该常常假设
14:13
that someone we love may be suffering,
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我们所爱之人也许正处在痛苦之中，
14:16
regardless of what they say
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不管他们说什么
14:19
or how they act.
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或者他们如何表现
14:21
We should listen with our whole being,
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我们必须全身心投入地倾听他们
14:24
without judgments,
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不带丝毫批判
14:26
and without offering solutions.
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不提供任何解决方式
14:32
I know that I will live with this tragedy,
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我知道我将一直背负着这个悲剧
14:35
with these multiple tragedies,
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这些悲剧会
14:37
for the rest of my life.
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充斥着我的余生
14:40
I know that in the minds of many,
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我知道在很多人心中，
14:46
what I lost can't compare
to what the other families lost.
to what the other families lost.
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我所失去的
无法与其他家庭的损失相提并论
无法与其他家庭的损失相提并论
14:51
I know my struggle
doesn't make theirs any easier.
doesn't make theirs any easier.
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我知道我内心的煎熬
并不会减轻他们一丝一毫的痛苦
并不会减轻他们一丝一毫的痛苦
14:56
I know there are even some who think
I don't have the right to any pain,
I don't have the right to any pain,
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我知道很多人甚至觉得
我都不配有痛苦的权利
我都不配有痛苦的权利
15:01
but only to a life of permanent penance.
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唯一能做的仅仅是无尽的忏悔
15:06
In the end what I know comes down to this:
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最后我想说的是：
15:10
the tragic fact is that even
the most vigilant and responsible of us
the most vigilant and responsible of us
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最可悲的事其实是
即便我们中最有洞察力和责任心的人
即便我们中最有洞察力和责任心的人
15:16
may not be able to help,
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也可能无法提供帮助，
15:19
but for love's sake,
262
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但是为了爱，
15:22
we must never stop trying
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我们必须永不放弃
15:24
to know the unknowable.
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去了解那些未解之谜。
15:26
Thank you.
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谢谢大家。
15:27
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - ActivistSue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.
Why you should listen
Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com