ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.

Why you should listen

Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.

Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.

More profile about the speaker
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com
TED2010

Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"

Julia Sweeney té "La Xerrada"

Filmed:
3,719,405 views

Tot i els seus millors esforços, la comedianta Julia Sweeney es veu obligada a explicar una mentida pietosa quan la seva filla de 8 anys comença a aprendre coses sobre la reproducció de les granotes (i comença a fer preguntes més intel·ligents).
- Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:15
I have a daughterfilla, MulanMulan.
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Tinc una filla, la Mulan.
00:17
And when she was eightvuit, last yearcurs,
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I l'any passat, quan en tenia vuit,
00:20
she was doing a reportinforme for schoolescola
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estava fent un treball de l'escola
00:22
or she had some homeworkdeures about frogsgranotes.
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o tenia uns deures sobre les granotes.
00:24
And we were at this restaurantrestaurant,
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I estàvem en un restaurant,
00:26
and she said, "So, basicallybàsicament,
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i ella va dir: "O sigui que
00:28
frogsgranotes layposar eggsous
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les granotes ponen ous,
00:30
and the eggsous turngirar into tadpolescapgrossos,
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els ous es tornen capgrossos
00:32
and tadpolescapgrossos turngirar into frogsgranotes."
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i els capgrossos es tornen granotes".
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my froggranota reproductionreproducció that much.
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I jo vaig dir: "Sí. Saps? No estic pas gaire
al cas de la reproducció de les granotes.
00:37
It's the femalesfemelles, I think, that layposar the eggsous,
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Són les femelles, em sembla, que ponen els ous,
00:39
and then the malesmascles fertilizefertilitzar them.
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i després els mascles les fecunden.
00:41
And then they becomeconvertir-se en tadpolescapgrossos and frogsgranotes."
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I després es tornen capgrossos i granotes".
00:43
And she saysdiu, "What? Only the femalesfemelles have eggsous?"
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I ella diu: "Què? Només les femelles tenen ous?"
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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I jo vaig dir: "Sí".
00:47
And she goesva, "And what's this fertilizingfertilitzants?"
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I ella: "I què és això de fecundar?"
00:49
So I kindamable of said, "Oh, it's this extraextra ingredientingredient,
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I jo vaig dir com: "Oh, és aquell ingredient extra,
00:51
you know, that you need
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saps, que necessites
00:53
to createcrear a newnou froggranota
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per crear una granota nova
00:55
from the mommare and dadpare froggranota." (LaughterRiure)
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de la mama i el papa granotes". (Riure)
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that trueveritat for humansels éssers humans too?"
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I ella va dir: "Oh, doncs és el mateix
pels homes, també?"
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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I vaig pensar: "Molt bé, som-hi".
01:03
I didn't know it would happenpassar so quickràpid, at eightvuit.
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No sabia que passaria tan ràpid, als vuit anys.
01:05
I was tryingintentant to rememberrecorda all the guidebooksguies,
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Intentava recordar tots els manuals,
01:07
and all I could rememberrecorda was,
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i l'únic que vaig poder recordar va ser:
01:09
"Only answerresposta the questionpregunta they're askingpreguntant.
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"Responeu només la pregunta que fan.
01:11
Don't give any more informationinformació." (LaughterRiure)
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No doneu cap més informació". (Riure)
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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Per tant, vaig dir: "Sí".
01:16
And she said, "And where do, umel MU,
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I va dir: "I on, hmm,
01:19
where do humanhumà womendones,
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les dones humanes on...
01:21
like, where do womendones layposar theirels seus eggsous?"
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o sigui, on ponen els ous les dones?"
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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I vaig dir: "Bé,
01:25
funnydivertida you should askpreguntar. (LaughterRiure)
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fa gràcia que ho preguntis. (Riure)
01:28
We have evolvedevolucionat to have our ownpropi pondestany.
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Hem evolucionat fins a tenir el nostre propi estany.
01:31
We have our very ownpropi pondestany insidedins our bodiescossos.
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Tenim el nostre estany particular dins el cos.
01:34
And we layposar our eggsous there,
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I ponem els ous allà,
01:36
we don't have to worrypreocupació about other eggsous or anything like that.
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no ens hem de preocupar pels ous
dels altres ni res d'això.
01:39
It's our ownpropi pondestany. And that's how it happenspassa."
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És el nostre estany. I així és com va."
01:42
And she goesva, "Then how do they get fertilizedfecundat?"
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I ella: "Així doncs, com són fecundades?"
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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I jo vaig dir: "Bé,
01:46
MenHomes, througha través theirels seus penispenis,
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Els homes, a través del penis,
01:49
they fertilizefertilitzar the eggsous by the spermespermatozoides comingarribant out.
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fecunden els ous amb l'esperma que surt
01:52
And you go througha través the woman'sdona vaginavagina."
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i passa a través de la vagina de la dona".
01:55
And so we're just eatingmenjant, and her jawmandíbula just dropsgotes,
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I estàvem allà menjant,
ella es queda amb la boca oberta
01:57
and she goesva, "MomMare!
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i diu: "Mama!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroombany?"
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Igual que per on vas al lavabo?"
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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I vaig dir: "Ja ho sé.
02:04
I know."
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Ja ho sé".
02:06
(LaughterRiure)
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(Riure)
02:12
That's how we evolvedevolucionat. It does seemsembla oddestrany.
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Hem evolucionat així. És ben estrany.
02:14
It is a little bitpoc like havingtenint a wastemalbaratament treatmenttractament plantplanta
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És com tenir una deixalleria
02:17
right nextPròxim to an amusementatraccions parkparc ...
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just al costat d'un parc d'atraccions...
02:20
BadDolent zoningzonificació, but ..." (LaughterRiure)
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Mal situat, però..." (Riure)
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goesva, "But MomMare,
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Ella estava com: "Què?" I diu: "Però mama,
02:25
but menhomes and womendones can't ever see eachcadascun other nakednu, MomMare.
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però els homes i les dones
mai no es poden veure despullats, mama.
02:28
So how could that ever happenpassar?"
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O sigui que com pot passar?"
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my MargaretMargaret MeadMead hatbarret on.
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I després jo: "Bé", i em vaig posar
el meu barret d'educadora sexual.
02:34
"HumanHumà malesmascles and femalesfemelles
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Els homes i les dones
02:36
developdesenvolupar a specialespecial bondllaç,
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desenvolupen un vincle especial,
02:39
and when they're much oldermés vell, much, much oldermés vell than you,
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i quan són més grans, molt molt més grans que tu,
02:42
and they have a very specialespecial feelingsensació,
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i tenen un sentiment molt especial,
02:44
then they can be nakednu togetherjunts."
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després poden estar despullats junts".
02:46
And she said, "MomMare,
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I va dir: "Mama,
02:48
have you donefet this before?"
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tu ho has fet mai abans?"
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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I vaig dir: "Sí".
02:53
And she said, "But MomMare, you can't have kidsnens."
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I va dir: "Però mama, tu no pots tenir fills".
02:55
Because she knowssap that I adoptedaprovat her and that I can't have kidsnens.
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Perquè sap que l'he adoptada i que no puc tenir fills.
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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I vaig dir: "Sí".
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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I ella: "Bé, doncs així no cal que ho tornis a fer".
03:01
And I said, "..."
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I jo: "..."
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happenpassar when a man and womandona are togetherjunts?
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I després va dir: "Però com va quan un home
i una dona estan junts?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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O sigui, com saben quan és el moment?
03:09
MomMare, does the man just say,
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Mama, l'home va i pregunta:
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pantspantalons?'"
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'Ara és el moment de treure'm els pantalons?'"
03:13
(LaughterRiure)
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(Riure)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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I vaig dir: "Sí".
03:17
(LaughterRiure)
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(Riure)
03:19
"That is exactlyexactament right.
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"És exactament això.
03:22
That's exactlyexactament how it happenspassa."
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Funciona just així".
03:24
So we're drivingconduir home and she's looking out the windowfinestra, and she goesva,
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Després tornàvem a casa amb cotxe,
ella mirava per la finestra i va dir:
03:27
"MomMare. What if two just people saw eachcadascun other on the streetcarrer,
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"Mama. I si dues persones es veiessin al carrer,
03:29
like a man and a womandona, they just startedva començar doing it. Would that ever happenpassar?"
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un home i una dona, i comencessin a fer-ho.
Pot ser que passi mai?"
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. HumansÉssers humans are so privateprivat.
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I jo vaig dir: "Oh, no.
Els humans són molt reservats.
03:35
Oh ..."
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Oh..."
03:37
And then she goesva, "What if there was like a partyfesta,
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I ella: "I si per exemple hi hagués una festa
03:39
and there was just like a wholetot bunchgrup of girlsnoies and a wholetot bunchgrup of boysnois,
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i hi hagués un grup de noies i un grup de nois,
03:41
and there was a bunchgrup of menhomes and womendones and they just startedva començar doing it, MomMare?
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i hi hagués un pilot d'homes i dones
i comencessin a fer-ho, mama?
03:44
Would that ever happenpassar?"
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Podria passar mai?"
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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I jo: "Oh, no, no.
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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No ho fem pas així".
03:52
Then we got home and we see the catgat. And she goesva,
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Després vam anar a casa
i vam veure el gat. I ella va dir:
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"MomMare, how do catsgats do it?"
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"Mama, com ho fan els gats?"
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the samemateix. It's basicallybàsicament the samemateix."
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I jo: "Oh, és el mateix. És bàsicament el mateix".
03:58
And then she got all caughtatrapat up in the legscames. "But how would the legscames go, MomMare?
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I ella es va obsessionar amb les cames.
"Però com anirien les cames, mama?
04:00
I don't understandentendre the legscames."
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No entenc això de les cames".
04:02
She goesva, "MomMare, everyonetothom can't do the splitses divideix."
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Deia: "Mama, no tothom pot fer l'espagat".
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legscames ..."
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I jo: "Ja ho sé, però les cames..."
04:06
and I'm probablyProbablement like, "The legscames get workedtreballat out."
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i vaig dir com: "Les cames no són problema".
04:08
And she goesva, "But I just can't understandentendre it."
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I ella: "És que no ho puc entendre".
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the InternetInternet,
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I vaig dir: "Mira, perquè no anem a Internet,
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on WikipediaWikipedia." (LaughterRiure)
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i potser ho podem veure.. com a Wikipedia". (Riure)
04:15
So we go onlineen línia, and we put in "catsgats matingaparellament."
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I ens vam connectar
i vam posar "gats aparellant-se".
04:17
And, unfortunatelyper desgràcia, on YouTubeYouTube, there's manymolts catsgats matingaparellament videosvídeos.
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I, per desgràcia, a YouTube hi ha molts vídeos
de gats aparellant-se.
04:20
And we watchedobservat them and I'm so thankfulagraït,
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I ho vam mirar i jo estava molt agraïda,
04:22
because she's just like, "WowSorpresa! This is so amazingsorprenent."
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perquè estava com: "Uau! Això és increïble!"
04:24
She goesva, "What about dogsgossos?"
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I diu: "I els gossos?"
04:27
So we put in dogsgossos matingaparellament, and,
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I vam posar gossos aparellant-se i,
04:29
you know, we're watchingvigilant it, and she's totallytotalment absorbedabsorbit.
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sabeu, ho estàvem mirant
i ella estava totalment concentrada.
04:31
And then she goesva, "MomMare,
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I després diu: "Mama,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the InternetInternet,
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creus que a Internet hi haurà
04:36
any humansels éssers humans matingaparellament?"
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humans aparellant-se?"
04:39
(LaughterRiure)
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(Riure)
04:41
And then I realizedadonar-se'n that
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I de cop em vaig adonar
04:43
I had takenpresa my little eightvuit yearcurs old'sdel vell hand,
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que havia agafat la meva nena de vuit anys de la mà
04:45
and takenpresa her right into InternetInternet pornporno. (LaughterRiure)
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i l'havia portat directe al porno d'Internet. (Riure)
04:47
And I lookedmirava into this
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I vaig mirar la seva cara
04:49
trustingconfiar en, lovingestimant facecara,
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ingènua i tendra
04:51
and I said,
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i vaig dir:
04:53
"Oh, no.
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"Oh, no.
04:55
That would never happenpassar."
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Això no passarà mai".
04:57
Thank you.
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Gràcies.
04:59
(ApplauseAplaudiments)
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(Aplaudiments)
05:01
Thank you.
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Gràcies.
05:03
(ApplauseAplaudiments)
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(Aplaudiments)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happyfeliç to be here.
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Gràcies. Estic molt contenta d'estar aquí.
Translated by Ricard Soler
Reviewed by Fran Ontanaya

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.

Why you should listen

Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.

Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.

More profile about the speaker
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com