TED2010
Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"
Julia Sweeney ir "Pokalbis"
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Nepaisant didžiausių pastangų, komikė Julia Sweeney priversta baltai pameluoti, kai jos 8 metų dukrelė pradeda domėtis varlių dauginimusi -- ir tai nuveda iki kitų labai subtilių klausimų.
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I have a daughter, Mulan.
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Turiu dukterį, Mulan.
00:17
And when she was eight, last year,
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Kai jai buvo aštuoneri, praeitais metais,
00:20
she was doing a report for school
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ji ruošė pristatymą mokyklai
00:22
or she had some homework about frogs.
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ar tiesiog darė namų darbus apie varles.
00:24
And we were at this restaurant,
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Tuo metu lankėmės restorane.
00:26
and she said, "So, basically,
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Ir ji paklausė: "Kaip čia yra,
00:28
frogs lay eggs
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varlės padeda kiaušinėlius,
00:30
and the eggs turn into tadpoles,
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tada kiaušinėliai virsta buožgalviais
00:32
and tadpoles turn into frogs."
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ir tada buožgalviai virsta varlėmis?"
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much.
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Aš atsakiau: "Taip. Nors, išties, aš nelabai daug žinau apie varlių dauginimąsi.
00:37
It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs,
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Manau, varlių patelės deda kiaušinėlius.
00:39
and then the males fertilize them.
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Tuomet patinėliai juos apvaisina.
00:41
And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
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Tada kiaušinėliai tampa buožgalviais, o vėliau varlėmis."
00:43
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
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Ji tarė: "Ką? Tik patelės turi kiaušinėlius?"
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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Aš atsakiau: "Taip."
00:47
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
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O ji tęsia: "O tai ką reiškia tas apvaisinimas?"
00:49
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient,
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Aš pasakiau maždaug: "Ai, tai toks ypatingas ingredientas,
00:51
you know, that you need
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supranti, kurio reikia
00:53
to create a new frog
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sukurti naujai varlei
00:55
from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
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iš varlės mamos ir varlės tėčio."
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
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Ir ji tęsia: "Hm, o tai galioja ir žmonėms?"
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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Tada aš pamąsčiau: "Na štai, prasideda."
01:03
I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight.
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Nenumaniau, kad tai atsitiks taip greitai, jai būnant aštuonerių.
01:05
I was trying to remember all the guidebooks,
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Tuo metu bandžiau prisiminti visus patarimus,
01:07
and all I could remember was,
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bet viskas, ką sugebėjau prisiminti buvo:
01:09
"Only answer the question they're asking.
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"Tiesiog atsakyk į klausimą, kurio klausiama.
01:11
Don't give any more information." (Laughter)
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Neduok daugiau jokios papildomos informacijos."
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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Taigi atsakiau: "Taip."
01:16
And she said, "And where do, um,
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Ji vėl klausia: "O kur,
01:19
where do human women,
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kur moterys,
01:21
like, where do women lay their eggs?"
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kur jos deda savo kiaušinėlius?"
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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Atsakiau: "Matai,
01:25
funny you should ask. (Laughter)
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smagu, kad paklausei.
01:28
We have evolved to have our own pond.
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Mes išsivystėm taip, kad turime savo pačių kūdrą.
01:31
We have our very own pond inside our bodies.
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Mes turime savo asmeninę kūdrą kūno viduje.
01:34
And we lay our eggs there,
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Ten ir dedame savo kiaušinėlius.
01:36
we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that.
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Mums nereikia rūpintis jokiais kitais kiaušinėliais, nieko panašaus.
01:39
It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
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Tai mūsų nuosava kūdra. Štai kaip yra."
01:42
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
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O ji vis tęsia: "O tai kaip jie apvaisinami?"
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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Atsakiau: "Nagi,
01:46
Men, through their penis,
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vyrai, per penį,
01:49
they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out.
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jie apvaisina kiaušinėlius sperma.
01:52
And you go through the woman's vagina."
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Ten patenkama per moters makštį."
01:55
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops,
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Tuo metu mes tiesiog valgome ir jos žandikaulis atvėpsta,
01:57
and she goes, "Mom!
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ir ji taria: "Mam!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
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Turi omeny, per ten, kur einam į tualetą?"
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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Aš atsakau: "Žinau.
02:04
I know."
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Žinau..."
02:06
(Laughter)
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(Juokas)
02:12
That's how we evolved. It does seem odd.
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Taip mes jau išsivystėme. Suprantu, kad tai atrodo keista.
02:14
It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant
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Tai tarsi turėti nuotekų valymo įrenginį
02:17
right next to an amusement park ...
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visai šalia atrakcionų parko.
02:20
Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
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Prastas išdėstymas. Bet...
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom,
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Ji: "Ką?" Ir tęsia: "Bet, mama,
02:25
but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom.
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juk vyrai ir moterys negali matyti vieni kitų nuogų, mama.
02:28
So how could that ever happen?"
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Tai kaip tai išvis gali nutikti?"
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on.
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Tada nutaisau Margaret Mead išraišką.
02:34
"Human males and females
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"Vyriškos ir moteriškos lyties žmonės
02:36
develop a special bond,
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išvysto ypatingą ryšį
02:39
and when they're much older, much, much older than you,
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ir, kai jie būna smarkiai vyresni, daug daug vyresni nei tu,
02:42
and they have a very special feeling,
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ir juos sieja tas specialus jausmas,
02:44
then they can be naked together."
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tada jie gali būti nuogi vienas šalia kito."
02:46
And she said, "Mom,
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Ji klausia: "Mama,
02:48
have you done this before?"
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ar tu esi kada tai dariusi?"
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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Aš atsakiau: "Taip."
02:53
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids."
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O ji taria: "Bet, mama, tu juk negali turėti vaikų."
02:55
Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
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Nes ji žino, jog aš ją įsivaikinau ir kad negaliu turėti vaikų.
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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Aš atsakiau: "Taip."
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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Ji taria: "Na, bent jau tau to nereikia daryti vėl."
03:01
And I said, "..."
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Tada aš: "..."
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together?
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Tada ji tęsia: "Bet kaip ten viskas vyksta, kai vyras ir moteris būna kartu?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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Kaip jie žino, kad jau laikas?
03:09
Mom, does the man just say,
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Mama, ar vyras tiesiog paklausia:
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
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"Ar jau metas man nusimauti kelnes?"
03:13
(Laughter)
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(Juokas)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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Aš atsakiau: "Taip."
03:17
(Laughter)
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(Juokas)
03:19
"That is exactly right.
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"Visiškai teisingai.
03:22
That's exactly how it happens."
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Būtent taip viskas ir vyksta."
03:24
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes,
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Ir jau mums grįžtant namo, dairydamasi pro langą, ji vėl paklausia:
03:27
"Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street,
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"Mama, o kas jei žmonės tiesiog pamato vienas kitą gatvėje,
03:29
like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
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vyras ir moteris, ir pradeda tai daryti. Ar taip būna?"
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private.
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Aš atsakiau: "O ne. Žmonės mėgsta privatumą.
03:35
Oh ..."
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Tikrai ne."
03:37
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party,
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Ji tęsia: "O jei vyktų vakarėlis.
03:39
and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys,
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Ir ten būtų būrys merginų ir būrys vaikinų.
03:41
and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom?
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Būtų daug vyrų ir moterų ir jie pradėtų tai daryti, mama?
03:44
Would that ever happen?"
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Ar taip gali atsitikti?"
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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Aš atsakiau: "O ne, ne.
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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Mes taip nedarome."
03:52
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes,
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Mums grįžus namo pamatome katę.
03:54
"Mom, how do cats do it?"
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"Mama, o kaip tai daro katės?"
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
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Aš: "Ai, taip pat. Praktiškai visai taip pat."
03:58
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom?
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Ir staiga ji labai susidomėjo kojomis. "Bet kur tada būna kojos, mama.
04:00
I don't understand the legs."
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Nesuprantu, kaip būna su kojom."
04:02
She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
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Ji tęsia: "Mam, juk ne kiekvienas gali padaryti špagatą."
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..."
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Aš atsakau: "Žinau, bet kojos..."
04:06
and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
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"Kojos netrukdo."
04:08
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
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O ji atsako: "Bet aš vistiek niekaip negaliu suprast."
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet,
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Aš atsakau: "Žinai ką, gal patikrinsime internete
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
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ir galbūt rasime..." pavyzdžiui, Vikipedijoje.
04:15
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating."
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Taigi mes naršyklėje įvedame "kačių poravimasis".
04:17
And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos.
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Ir, deja, Youtube yra daugybė filmukų apie kačių poravimąsi.
04:20
And we watched them and I'm so thankful,
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Mes juos pažiūrėjome ir man tikrai palengvėjo,
04:22
because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing."
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nes jai tai labai patiko: "Oho! Tai nuostabu."
04:24
She goes, "What about dogs?"
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Ir ji tęsia: "O kaipgi su šunimis?"
04:27
So we put in dogs mating, and,
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Mes surandame šunų poravimąsi ir,
04:29
you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
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žinote, mes žiūrime, o ji tiesiog susižavėjusi.
04:31
And then she goes, "Mom,
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Ir tada ji sako: "Mama,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the Internet,
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ar tu manai, kad internete būtų galima rasti
04:36
any humans mating?"
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žmonių poravimąsi?"
04:39
(Laughter)
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(Juokas)
04:41
And then I realized that
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Ir tuomet aš staiga supratau,
04:43
I had taken my little eight year old's hand,
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kad aš tiesiog paėmiau savo mažąją aštuonerių metų dukrytę
04:45
and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
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ir nukreipiau tiesiai į internetinį porno.
04:47
And I looked into this
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Tada pažiūrėjau į jos
04:49
trusting, loving face,
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pasitikintį ir mylintį veidą
04:51
and I said,
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ir tariau:
04:53
"Oh, no.
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"Oi, ne.
04:55
That would never happen."
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Tai tiesiog neįmanoma."
04:57
Thank you.
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Ačiū.
04:59
(Applause)
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(Plojimai)
05:01
Thank you.
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Labai ačiū.
05:03
(Applause)
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(Plojimai)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
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Ačiū. Labai džiaugiuosi čia būdama.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwrightJulia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.
Why you should listen
Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.
Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com