TED2010
Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"
Julia Sweeney vorbeşte cu fiica ei despre "Barză"
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Comicul Julia Sweeney se vede nevoită să-i spună o minciună nevinovată fetiţei ei de 8 ani când aceasta invaţă despre reproducerea la broaşte şi începe să pună nişte întrebări foarte isteţe.
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I have a daughter, Mulan.
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Am o fiică, Mulan.
00:17
And when she was eight, last year,
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Şi când avea opt ani, anul trecut,
00:20
she was doing a report for school
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avea de făcut un referat pentru şcoală,
00:22
or she had some homework about frogs.
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sau avea temă de casă despre broaşte.
00:24
And we were at this restaurant,
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Şi eram la un restaurant.
00:26
and she said, "So, basically,
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Şi mi-a spus, "Deci,
00:28
frogs lay eggs
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broaştele depun ouă
00:30
and the eggs turn into tadpoles,
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şi ouăle devin mormoloci,
00:32
and tadpoles turn into frogs."
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şi mormolocii devin broaşte."
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much.
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Iar eu i-am spus, "Ştii, nu sunt la curent cu ultimele noutăţi despre reproducerea la broaşte.
00:37
It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs,
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Cred că femelele depun ouăle.
00:39
and then the males fertilize them.
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Şi masculii le fertilizează.
00:41
And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
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Şi apoi devin momoloci şi broaşte."
00:43
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
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Şi ea zice, "Cum? Doar femelele au ouă?"
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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Şi eu spun, "Da."
00:47
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
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Şi ea continuă, "Şi ce e fertilizarea?"
00:49
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient,
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La care eu am spus, "Păi e un ingredient în plus,
00:51
you know, that you need
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ştii tu, de care ai nevoie
00:53
to create a new frog
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pentru a crea o broască nouă
00:55
from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
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din broasca mamă si broasca tată."
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
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Şi ea spune, "Ah, şi asta e valabil şi la oameni?"
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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Şi m-am gândit, "Bun, am ajuns şi aici."
01:03
I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight.
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Nu ştiam că o să se întample atat de repede, la opt ani.
01:05
I was trying to remember all the guidebooks,
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Încercam să îmi aduc aminte despre toate ghidurile de instruire,
01:07
and all I could remember was,
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şi mi-am amintit doar,
01:09
"Only answer the question they're asking.
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"Răspunde doar la întrebarea pe care o pun.
01:11
Don't give any more information." (Laughter)
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Nu le da mai multe informaţii."
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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Şi am spus, "Da."
01:16
And she said, "And where do, um,
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Şi ea a spus, "Şi unde,
01:19
where do human women,
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femelele om unde,
01:21
like, where do women lay their eggs?"
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femelele om unde îşi depun ouăle?"
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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Şi am spus, "Păi,
01:25
funny you should ask. (Laughter)
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ciudat că mă întrebi.
01:28
We have evolved to have our own pond.
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Noi am evoluat şi am avem "lacul" nostru.
01:31
We have our very own pond inside our bodies.
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Avem lacul nostru în corpurile noastre.
01:34
And we lay our eggs there,
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Şi ne depunem ouăle acolo.
01:36
we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that.
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Nu trebuie să ne facem griji despre alte ouă.
01:39
It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
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Este lacul nostru. Şi aşa se întâmplă."
01:42
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
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Şi ea spune, "Şi cum sunt fertilizate?"
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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Iar eu zic, "Păi,
01:46
Men, through their penis,
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Bărbaţii, cu penisul lor,
01:49
they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out.
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fertilizează ouăle prin spermă.
01:52
And you go through the woman's vagina."
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Şi trec prin vaginul femeii."
01:55
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops,
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Noi tocmai mâncam, iar ei îi pică faţa,
01:57
and she goes, "Mom!
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şi izbucneşte, "Mami!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
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Adică pe unde ne facem treburile?"
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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Iar eu, "Ştiu, ştiu."
02:04
I know."
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Ştiu."
02:06
(Laughter)
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(Râsete)
02:12
That's how we evolved. It does seem odd.
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Aşa am evoluat. Deşi pare ciudat.
02:14
It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant
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E ca şi cum ai avea fabrica de tratare a deşeurilor
02:17
right next to an amusement park ...
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lânga parcul de distracţii.
02:20
Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
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Zonare rea. Dar...
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom,
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Şi ea, "Ce?" Şi continuă, "Dar Mami,
02:25
but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom.
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bărbaţii şi femeile nu se pot vedea dezbrăcaţi unii pe alţii, mami.
02:28
So how could that ever happen?"
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Cum s-ar putea ca aşa ceva să se întâmple?"
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on.
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La care eu m-am transformat în călugăriţă.
02:34
"Human males and females
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"Bărbaţii si femeile
02:36
develop a special bond,
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îşi crează o legătură specială,
02:39
and when they're much older, much, much older than you,
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şi când sunt mult mai în vârstă, mult, mult mai în vârstă decât tine,
02:42
and they have a very special feeling,
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au un sentiment special,
02:44
then they can be naked together."
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şi pot fi dezbrăcaţi impreună."
02:46
And she said, "Mom,
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Iar ea zice, "Mami,
02:48
have you done this before?"
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tu ai făcut asta?"
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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Şi i-am spus, "Da."
02:53
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids."
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Iar ea, "Dar Mami, tu nu poţi avea copii."
02:55
Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
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Fiindcă ştie că am adoptat-o şi că nu pot avea copii.
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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Şi i-am spus, "Da."
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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Iar ea, "Deci, nu trebuie să mai faci asta din nou."
03:01
And I said, "..."
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Şi eu, "..."
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together?
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Apoi a spus, "Dar ce se întâmplă când un bărbat şi o femeie sunt împreună?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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Adică de unde ştiu că e timpul potrivit?
03:09
Mom, does the man just say,
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Mami, oare bărbatul zice,
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
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"E timpul să-mi dau jos pantalonii?"
03:13
(Laughter)
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(Râsete)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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Şi i-am spus, "Da."
03:17
(Laughter)
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(Râsete)
03:19
"That is exactly right.
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"Chiar aşa este.
03:22
That's exactly how it happens."
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Exact aşa se întâmplă."
03:24
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes,
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Şi apoi conduceam în drum spre casă, şi ea se uită pe geam, şi zice,
03:27
"Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street,
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"Mami, cum ar fi dacă doi oameni s-ar întâlni pe stradă,
03:29
like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
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un bărbat şi o femeie, şi ar face-o acolo. S-ar putea întâmpla?
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private.
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Şi i-am spus, "Ah, nu. Oamenii sunt foarte intimi.
03:35
Oh ..."
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Nu nu."
03:37
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party,
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Iar ea zice, "Dar dacă ar fi o petrecere.
03:39
and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys,
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Şi ar fi o grămadă de fete si baieţi.
03:41
and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom?
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Şi ar fi o grămada de bărbaţi şi femei şi ar începe să o facă, mami?
03:44
Would that ever happen?"
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S-ar putea asta întâmpla?
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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Iar eu i-am zis, "Ah, nu, nu.
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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Nu aşa o facem."
03:52
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes,
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Iar apoi am ajuns acasă şi vedem pisica. Şi ea zice,
03:54
"Mom, how do cats do it?"
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"Mami, cum o fac pisicile?"
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
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Iar eu, "Ah, e la fel. E practic la fel."
03:58
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom?
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Ş-apoi a început cu picioarele. "Dar ce fac cu picioarele, Mami.
04:00
I don't understand the legs."
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Nu înţeleg picioarele."
04:02
She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
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"Nu toată lumea poate face şpagatul."
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..."
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Iar eu, "Ştiu, dar picioarele..."
04:06
and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
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"Picioarele se rezolvă."
04:08
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
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Iar ea, "Dar nu înteleg."
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet,
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Şi îi spun, "Ştii, hai să mergem pe Internet,
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
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şi poate vedem ... " pe Wikipedia.
04:15
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating."
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Şi mergem online, scriem împerecherea la pisici.
04:17
And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos.
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Iar, din păcate, pe Youtube, sunt o gramadă de clipuri cu pisici în călduri.
04:20
And we watched them and I'm so thankful,
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Ne uităm, şi sunt recunoscătoare,
04:22
because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing."
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pentru că ea spune, "Oau! Fascinant."
04:24
She goes, "What about dogs?"
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Iar apoi zice, "Dar câinii?"
04:27
So we put in dogs mating, and,
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Şi punem împerecherea la câini, şi,
04:29
you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
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ne uităm, şi ea e complet absorbită.
04:31
And then she goes, "Mom,
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Ş-apoi zice, "Mami,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the Internet,
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crezi că ar putea fi pe Internet,
04:36
any humans mating?"
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împerecherea la oameni?"
04:39
(Laughter)
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(Râsete)
04:41
And then I realized that
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Şi apoi mi-am dat seama că
04:43
I had taken my little eight year old's hand,
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îmi conduceam fiica de 8 ani,
04:45
and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
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direct înspre pornografia pe Internet.
04:47
And I looked into this
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Aşa că uitându-mă
04:49
trusting, loving face,
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la faţa ei plină de încredere si iubire
04:51
and I said,
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i-am spus,
04:53
"Oh, no.
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"Ah, nu.
04:55
That would never happen."
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Aşa ceva nu s-ar putea întâmpla."
04:57
Thank you.
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Mulţumesc.
04:59
(Applause)
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(Aplauze)
05:01
Thank you.
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Mulţumesc.
05:03
(Applause)
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(Aplauze)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
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Mulţumesc. Sunt fericită să mă aflu aici.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwrightJulia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.
Why you should listen
Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.
Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com