TEDMED 2013
Andrew Solomon: Love, no matter what
Endru Solomon (Andrew Solomon): Ljubav, bez obzira na sve
Filmed:
Readability: 3.6
4,969,430 views
Kako izgleda odgajiti dete koje je različito od vas na nekakav suštinski način (kao, na primer genijalca ili dete sa drugačijim sposobnostima ili kriminalca)? U ovom dirljivom govoru, pisac Endru Solomon deli sa nama ono što je naučio razgovarajući sa velikim brojem roditelja i pitajući ih: Gde je granica između bezuslovne lubavi i bezuslovnog prihvatanja?
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
"Even in purely non-religious terms,
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"Čak i u čisto nereligioznom smislu,
00:16
homosexuality represents a misuse of the sexual faculty.
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homoseksualnost predstavlja
zloupotrebu seksualne sposobnosti.
zloupotrebu seksualne sposobnosti.
00:22
It is a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality --
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To je patetična, loša
zamena za realnost -
zamena za realnost -
00:27
a pitiable flight from life.
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jadno bekstvo od života.
00:29
As such, it deserves no compassion,
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Kao takvo, ne zaslužuje
nikakvo sažaljenje,
nikakvo sažaljenje,
00:33
it deserves no treatment
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ne zaslužuje
nikakvo lečenje
nikakvo lečenje
00:36
as minority martyrdom,
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kao mučeništvo manjine
00:38
and it deserves not to be deemed anything but a pernicious sickness."
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i ne zaslužuje da se smatra
ni za šta drugo, osim za opasnu bolest."
ni za šta drugo, osim za opasnu bolest."
00:45
That's from Time magazine in 1966, when I was three years old.
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Ovo je iz časopisa Tajm iz 1966.,
kada sam imao tri godine.
kada sam imao tri godine.
00:50
And last year, the president of the United States
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A prošle godine,
predsednik Sjedinjenih Država
predsednik Sjedinjenih Država
00:54
came out in favor of gay marriage.
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je podržao gej brakove.
00:57
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
01:04
And my question is, how did we get from there to here?
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I moje pitanje je: kako smo
stigli odande dovde?
stigli odande dovde?
01:10
How did an illness become an identity?
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Kako je bolest postala identitet?
01:15
When I was perhaps six years old,
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Kada sam imao
možda šest godina
možda šest godina
01:18
I went to a shoe store with my mother and my brother.
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otišao sam u prodavnicu cipela
sa mojom majkom i mojim bratom.
sa mojom majkom i mojim bratom.
01:21
And at the end of buying our shoes,
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I na kraju kupovine cipela
01:23
the salesman said to us that we could each have a balloon to take home.
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prodavac nam je rekao da možemo
da dobijemo svako po jedan balon.
da dobijemo svako po jedan balon.
01:27
My brother wanted a red balloon, and I wanted a pink balloon.
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Moj brat je želeo crveni balon,
a ja sam želeo ružičasti.
a ja sam želeo ružičasti.
01:32
My mother said that she thought I'd really rather have a blue balloon.
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Moja majka je rekla da misli
da bi bilo bolje da uzmem plavi balon.
da bi bilo bolje da uzmem plavi balon.
01:37
But I said that I definitely wanted the pink one.
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Ali ja sam rekao
da definitivno hoću ružičasti.
da definitivno hoću ružičasti.
01:40
And she reminded me that my favorite color was blue.
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I ona me je podsetila
da je moja omiljena boja plava.
da je moja omiljena boja plava.
01:46
The fact that my favorite color now is blue, but I'm still gay --
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Činjenica da je sada moja omiljena boja plava,
ali da sam i dalje gej -
ali da sam i dalje gej -
01:51
(Laughter) --
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(Smeh) -
01:54
is evidence of both my mother's influence and its limits.
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je dokaz i majčinog uticaja
i njegovog ograničenja.
i njegovog ograničenja.
01:58
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:00
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
02:07
When I was little, my mother used to say,
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Kad sam bio mali,
moja majka je govorila:
moja majka je govorila:
02:10
"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling in the world.
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"Ljubav koju osećaš prema svojoj deci
je kao nijedno drugo osećanje na svetu.
je kao nijedno drugo osećanje na svetu.
02:14
And until you have children, you don't know what it's like."
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I dok nemaš dece,
ne znaš kako je to."
ne znaš kako je to."
02:17
And when I was little, I took it as the greatest compliment in the world
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Kad sam bio mali, shvatio sam to
kao najveći kompliment na svetu
kao najveći kompliment na svetu
02:21
that she would say that about parenting my brother and me.
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koji bi mogla da kaže
o odgajanju mog brata i mene.
o odgajanju mog brata i mene.
02:24
And when I was an adolescent, I thought
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I kad sam bio adolescent,
mislio sam,
mislio sam,
02:26
that I'm gay, and so I probably can't have a family.
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ja sam gej i verovatno
ne mogu imati porodicu.
ne mogu imati porodicu.
02:30
And when she said it, it made me anxious.
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I kad je to rekla,
to je unelo nemir u mene.
to je unelo nemir u mene.
02:32
And after I came out of the closet,
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I kasnije pošto
sam se izjasnio kao gej,
sam se izjasnio kao gej,
02:33
when she continued to say it, it made me furious.
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kada je nastavila to da govori,
besneo sam od toga.
besneo sam od toga.
02:37
I said, "I'm gay. That's not the direction that I'm headed in.
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Rekao sam: "Ja sam gej.
To nije pravac u kome idem.
To nije pravac u kome idem.
02:41
And I want you to stop saying that."
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I hoću da prestaneš
to da govoriš."
to da govoriš."
02:47
About 20 years ago, I was asked by my editors at The New York Times Magazine
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Pre nekih 20 godina, moji izdavači
u Njujork Tajmsu su me zamolili
u Njujork Tajmsu su me zamolili
02:52
to write a piece about deaf culture.
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da napišem članak
o kulturi gluvih.
o kulturi gluvih.
02:54
And I was rather taken aback.
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I bio sam prilično zbunjen.
02:56
I had thought of deafness entirely as an illness.
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Mislio sam o gluvoći
kao o bolesti.
kao o bolesti.
02:58
Those poor people, they couldn't hear.
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Jadnici, oni ne mogu da čuju.
03:00
They lacked hearing, and what could we do for them?
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Nedostaje im sluh,
i šta mi možemo da učinimo za njih?
i šta mi možemo da učinimo za njih?
03:03
And then I went out into the deaf world.
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I onda sam izašao
u svet gluvih.
u svet gluvih.
03:05
I went to deaf clubs.
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Otišao sam
u klubove gluvih.
u klubove gluvih.
03:07
I saw performances of deaf theater and of deaf poetry.
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Video sam predstave teatra gluvih
i poezije gluvih.
i poezije gluvih.
03:11
I even went to the Miss Deaf America contest in Nashville, Tennessee
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Čak sam otišao na takmičenje
za gluvu mis Amerike u Nešvilu u Tenesiju,
za gluvu mis Amerike u Nešvilu u Tenesiju,
03:17
where people complained about that slurry Southern signing.
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gde su se ljudi žalili na
otegnut južnjački znakovni govor.
otegnut južnjački znakovni govor.
03:21
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:25
And as I plunged deeper and deeper into the deaf world,
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I kako sam ulazio
sve dublje u svet gluvih,
sve dublje u svet gluvih,
03:29
I become convinced that deafness was a culture
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postao sam ubeđen
da je gluvoća kultura
da je gluvoća kultura
03:32
and that the people in the deaf world who said,
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i da su ljudi u svetu gluvih
koji su rekli:
koji su rekli:
03:35
"We don't lack hearing, we have membership in a culture,"
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"Nama ne nedostaje sluh,
mi imamo članstvo u kulturi",
mi imamo članstvo u kulturi",
03:38
were saying something that was viable.
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govorili nešto
što je ostvarivo.
što je ostvarivo.
03:41
It wasn't my culture,
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To nije bila moja kultura
03:42
and I didn't particularly want to rush off and join it,
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i nisam naročito želeo
da požurim i pridružim se,
da požurim i pridružim se,
03:45
but I appreciated that it was a culture
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ali sam priznavao
da je to kultura
da je to kultura
03:48
and that for the people who were members of it,
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i to je, za ljude
koji su bili njeni članovi,
koji su bili njeni članovi,
03:50
it felt as valuable as Latino culture or gay culture or Jewish culture.
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bilo tako vredno kao što je i Latino kultura
ili gej kultura ili jevrejska kultura.
ili gej kultura ili jevrejska kultura.
03:56
It felt as valid perhaps even as American culture.
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Činilo sa da je možda čak
isto tako važeća kao i američka kultura.
isto tako važeća kao i američka kultura.
04:01
Then a friend of a friend of mine had a daughter who was a dwarf.
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Prijateljica moje prijateljice
je imala ćerku koja je patuljak.
je imala ćerku koja je patuljak.
04:04
And when her daughter was born,
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I kad se njena ćerka rodila,
04:06
she suddenly found herself confronting questions
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ona se iznenada
suočila sa pitanjima
suočila sa pitanjima
04:08
that now began to seem quite resonant to me.
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koja sada počinju prilično
da odjekuju u meni.
da odjekuju u meni.
04:11
She was facing the question of what to do with this child.
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Ona se suočila sa pitanjem
šta da radi sa tim detetom.
šta da radi sa tim detetom.
04:15
Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?"
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Da li je trebalo da kaže:
"Ti si kao i svi drugi, samo malo niža?"
"Ti si kao i svi drugi, samo malo niža?"
04:18
Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity,
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Ili je trebalo da izgradi
neku vrstu identiteta patuljka,
neku vrstu identiteta patuljka,
04:22
get involved in the Little People of America,
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da se učlani u
"Male ljude Amerike",
"Male ljude Amerike",
04:24
become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?
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postane svesna onoga
što se dešava patuljcima?
što se dešava patuljcima?
04:27
And I suddenly thought,
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I iznenada sam pomislio
04:28
most deaf children are born to hearing parents.
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da je većina gluve dece rođena
u porodicama roditelja koji čuju.
u porodicama roditelja koji čuju.
04:31
Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them.
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Ti roditelji koji čuju, obično
pokušavaju da ih izleče.
pokušavaju da ih izleče.
04:34
Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence.
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Ti gluvi ljudi otkrivaju zajednicu
nekako u adolescenciji.
nekako u adolescenciji.
04:38
Most gay people are born to straight parents.
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Većinu gej ljudi su rodili
strejt roditelji.
strejt roditelji.
04:40
Those straight parents often want them to function
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Ovi strejt roditelji često
hoće da oni funkcionišu
hoće da oni funkcionišu
04:42
in what they think of as the mainstream world,
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u onome što oni misle
da je mejnstrim svet
da je mejnstrim svet
04:45
and those gay people have to discover identity later on.
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i ti gej ljudi moraju
da pronađu svoj identitet kasnije.
da pronađu svoj identitet kasnije.
04:48
And here was this friend of mine
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I ta moja prijateljica
04:50
looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter.
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je razmatrala ova pitanja identiteta
sa svojom patuljastom ćerkom.
sa svojom patuljastom ćerkom.
04:53
And I thought, there it is again:
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I pomislio sam,
evo ga opet:
evo ga opet:
04:55
A family that perceives itself to be normal
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porodica koja smatra
sebe za normalnu,
sebe za normalnu,
04:58
with a child who seems to be extraordinary.
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sa detetom koje
je izgleda posebno.
je izgleda posebno.
05:00
And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.
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I rodila mi se ideja da u stvari
postoje dve vrste identiteta.
postoje dve vrste identiteta.
05:05
There are vertical identities,
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Vertikalni identiteti,
05:06
which are passed down generationally from parent to child.
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koji se prenose generacijski
sa roditelja na dete.
sa roditelja na dete.
05:09
Those are things like ethnicity, frequently nationality, language, often religion.
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To su stvari kao: narodnost,
obično nacionalnost, jezik, često religija.
obično nacionalnost, jezik, često religija.
05:15
Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children.
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To su stvari koje su zajedničke
vašim roditeljima i deci.
vašim roditeljima i deci.
05:20
And while some of them can be difficult,
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I iako neke od njih
mogu biti teške,
mogu biti teške,
05:22
there's no attempt to cure them.
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ne pokušavate
da ih izlečite.
da ih izlečite.
05:24
You can argue that it's harder in the United States --
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Možete zaključivati da je
teže u Sjedinjenim Državama -
teže u Sjedinjenim Državama -
05:27
our current presidency notwithstanding --
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uprkos našem
sadašnjem predsedništvu -
sadašnjem predsedništvu -
05:29
to be a person of color.
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biti "obojena" osoba.
05:31
And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure
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Pa ipak, nema nikog
ko pokušava da obezbedi
ko pokušava da obezbedi
05:34
that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians
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da sledeća generacija dece rođene
u afro-američkim i azijskim porodicama
u afro-američkim i azijskim porodicama
05:38
come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
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bude sa kožom boje mleka
i plavom kosom.
i plavom kosom.
05:41
There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group.
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Drugi su identiteti koje morate
da naučite od vršnjačke grupe.
da naučite od vršnjačke grupe.
05:45
And I call them horizontal identities,
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I ja ih nazivam
horizontalni identiteti
horizontalni identiteti
05:48
because the peer group is the horizontal experience.
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jer je vršnjačka grupa
horizontalno iskustvo.
horizontalno iskustvo.
05:51
These are identities that are alien to your parents
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Ovo su identiteti koji su
strani vašim roditeljima
strani vašim roditeljima
05:53
and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers.
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i koje morate da otkrijete
kad ih prepoznate kod vršnjaka.
kad ih prepoznate kod vršnjaka.
05:57
And those identities, those horizontal identities,
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I ove identitete,
ove horizontalne identitete
ove horizontalne identitete
06:00
people have almost always tried to cure.
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ljudi skoro uvek
pokušavaju da izleče.
pokušavaju da izleče.
06:04
And I wanted to look at what the process is
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I ja želim da pogledam
kakav je proces
kakav je proces
06:07
through which people who have those identities
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kroz koji ljudi koji
imaju ove identitete
imaju ove identitete
06:09
come to a good relationship with them.
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ostvare dobar
odnos sa njima.
odnos sa njima.
06:12
And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance
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Izgledalo mi je da ima
tri nivoa prihvatanja
tri nivoa prihvatanja
06:16
that needed to take place.
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koji treba da se dese.
06:17
There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance.
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To su: samoprihvatanje, prihvatanje
porodice i društveno prihvatanje.
porodice i društveno prihvatanje.
06:23
And they don't always coincide.
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I oni se ne poklapaju uvek.
06:25
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry
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I u velikom broju slučajeva,
ljudi koji imaju ovakva stanja su vrlo ljuti
ljudi koji imaju ovakva stanja su vrlo ljuti
06:29
because they feel as though their parents don't love them,
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jer osećaju kao
da ih roditelji ne vole,
da ih roditelji ne vole,
06:32
when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them.
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a u stvari se dešava
da ih roditelji ne prihvataju.
da ih roditelji ne prihvataju.
06:36
Love is something that ideally is there unconditionally
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Ljubav je nešto što je
u idealnom slučaju tu bezuslovno
u idealnom slučaju tu bezuslovno
06:40
throughout the relationship between a parent and a child.
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kroz odnos između
roditelja i deteta.
roditelja i deteta.
06:43
But acceptance is something that takes time.
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Ali prihvatanje je nešto
što zahteva vreme.
što zahteva vreme.
06:46
It always takes time.
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Uvek zahteva vreme.
06:48
One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown.
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Jedan od patuljaka koje sam upoznao
bio je momak po imenu Klinton Braun.
bio je momak po imenu Klinton Braun.
06:53
When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,
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Kad se rodio dijagnostifikovali
su mu distrofični dvorfizam,
su mu distrofični dvorfizam,
06:56
a very disabling condition,
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veoma invalidno
stanje,
stanje,
06:58
and his parents were told that he would never walk, he would never talk,
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njegovim roditeljima su rekli
da neće nikada moći da hoda i govori,
da neće nikada moći da hoda i govori,
07:02
he would have no intellectual capacity,
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neće imati nikakvog
intelektualnog kapaciteta,
intelektualnog kapaciteta,
07:04
and he would probably not even recognize them.
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i verovatno čak neće moći
ni da ih prepoznaje.
ni da ih prepoznaje.
07:06
And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital
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Savetovali su im
da ga ostave u bolnici
da ga ostave u bolnici
07:10
so that he could die there quietly.
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da može tamo da
umre na miru.
umre na miru.
07:12
And his mother said she wasn't going to do it.
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Njegova majka je rekla
da neće to da uradi.
da neće to da uradi.
07:14
And she took her son home.
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I odvela je svog sina kući.
07:16
And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,
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I iako nije imala velikih obrazovnih
ili finansijskih mogućnosti,
ili finansijskih mogućnosti,
07:19
she found the best doctor in the country
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našla je najboljeg doktora
u zemlji
u zemlji
07:21
for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,
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za distrofični dvorfizam
07:24
and she got Clinton enrolled with him.
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i upisala Klintona kod njega.
07:26
And in the course of his childhood,
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I u toku svog detinjstva
07:28
he had 30 major surgical procedures.
133
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on je imao 30 velikih
hirurških zahvata.
hirurških zahvata.
07:31
And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital
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Proveo je sve to vreme
zaglavljen u bolnici
zaglavljen u bolnici
07:33
while he was having those procedures,
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dok su mu radili te zahvate
07:35
as a result of which he now can walk.
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zbog kojih sada može da hoda.
07:37
And while he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his school work.
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I dok je bio tamo, slali su mu učitelje
da mu pomognu sa školskim zadacima.
da mu pomognu sa školskim zadacima.
07:41
And he worked very hard because there was nothing else to do.
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I radio je vredno jer nije imao
ništa drugo da radi.
ništa drugo da radi.
07:44
And he ended up achieving at a level
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I završio je dostigavši nivo
07:46
that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family.
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koji nikad ranije niko
u njegovoj porodici nije zamišljao.
u njegovoj porodici nije zamišljao.
07:50
He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college,
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U stvari, on je bio prvi u porodici
koji je otišao na koledž,
koji je otišao na koledž,
07:53
where he lived on campus and drove a specially-fitted car
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gde je živeo u studentskom domu
i vozio specijalno prerađen auto
i vozio specijalno prerađen auto
07:56
that accommodated his unusual body.
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koji je prilagođen
njegovom neobičnom telu.
njegovom neobičnom telu.
07:59
And his mother told me this story of coming home one day --
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Njegova majka mi je ispričala priču
o tome, kad je došla jednog dana kući -
o tome, kad je došla jednog dana kući -
08:02
and he went to college nearby --
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a on je otišao na koledž
u blizini -
u blizini -
08:04
and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize,
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i ona je rekla: "Videla sam taj auto,
koji uvek možete da prepoznate,
koji uvek možete da prepoznate,
08:07
in the parking lot of a bar," she said. (Laughter)
147
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na parkingu ispred bara,"
rekla je. (Smeh)
rekla je. (Smeh)
08:11
"And I thought to myself, they're six feet tall, he's three feet tall.
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"I pomislila sam, oni su visoki 180,
on je 100 centimetara.
on je 100 centimetara.
08:16
Two beers for them is four beers for him."
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Dva piva za njih
je četiri piva za njega."
je četiri piva za njega."
08:18
She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him,
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Rekla je: "Znala sam da ne mogu
da odem tamo i prekinem ga,
da odem tamo i prekinem ga,
08:21
but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone."
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već sam otišla kući i ostavila mu
osam poruka na mobilnom."
osam poruka na mobilnom."
08:25
She said, "And then I thought,
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Rekla je: "I onda sam pomislila,
08:27
if someone had said to me when he was born
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da mi je neko rekao
kad se rodio,
kad se rodio,
08:29
that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving with his college buddies -- "
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da će moja buduća briga biti to što
odlazi da pije i vozi sa drugarima sa koledža..."
odlazi da pije i vozi sa drugarima sa koledža..."
08:34
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
08:43
And I said to her, "What do you think you did
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Pitao sam je: "Šta misliš
da si uradila
da si uradila
08:45
that helped him to emerge as this charming, accomplished, wonderful person?"
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što mu je pomoglo da izraste u ovu
šarmantnu, ispunjenu, divnu osobu?"
šarmantnu, ispunjenu, divnu osobu?"
08:50
And she said, "What did I do? I loved him, that's all.
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Ona je rekla: "Šta sam uradila?
Volela sam ga, to je sve.
Volela sam ga, to je sve.
08:54
Clinton just always had that light in him.
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Klinton je prosto uvek imao
to svetlo u sebi.
to svetlo u sebi.
08:57
And his father and I were lucky enough to be the first to see it there."
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I njegov otac i ja smo imali sreće
da budemo prvi koji su to videli."
da budemo prvi koji su to videli."
09:04
I'm going to quote from another magazine of the '60s.
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Citiraću još jedan članak
iz časopisa iz '60-ih.
iz časopisa iz '60-ih.
09:07
This one is from 1968 -- The Atlantic Monthly, voice of liberal America --
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Ovaj je iz 1968. - mesečni list
Atlantik, glas liberalne Amerike -
Atlantik, glas liberalne Amerike -
09:13
written by an important bioethicist.
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i napisao ga je
značajni bioetičar.
značajni bioetičar.
09:15
He said, "There is no reason to feel guilty
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On kaže: "Nema razloga
za osećanje krivice
za osećanje krivice
09:19
about putting a Down syndrome child away,
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zbog napuštanja deteta
sa Daunovim sindromom,
sa Daunovim sindromom,
09:22
whether it is put away in the sense of hidden in a sanitarium
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bilo da je ostavljen u smislu
sakrivanja u sanatorijum
sakrivanja u sanatorijum
09:27
or in a more responsible, lethal sense.
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ili u odgovornijem,
smrtonosnom smislu.
smrtonosnom smislu.
09:31
It is sad, yes -- dreadful. But it carries no guilt.
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Da, tužno je. Užasno.
Ali ne nosi nikakvu krivicu.
Ali ne nosi nikakvu krivicu.
09:36
True guilt arises only from an offense against a person,
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Prava krivica nastaje
samo kad uvredite osobu,
samo kad uvredite osobu,
09:40
and a Down's is not a person."
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a daunovac nije osoba."
09:45
There's been a lot of ink given to the enormous progress that we've made
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Puno je mastila potrošeno
u ogromnom napretku koji smo napravili
u ogromnom napretku koji smo napravili
09:49
in the treatment of gay people.
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u odnosu prema
gej ljudima.
gej ljudima.
09:51
The fact that our attitude has changed is in the headlines every day.
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Činjenica da se naš stav promenio
vidi se u novinskim naslovima svakodnevno.
vidi se u novinskim naslovima svakodnevno.
09:55
But we forget how we used to see people who had other differences,
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Ali zaboravljamo kako smo
gledali ljude sa drugim razlikama,
gledali ljude sa drugim razlikama,
10:00
how we used to see people who were disabled,
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kako smo gledali na ljude
koji su invalidi,
koji su invalidi,
10:02
how inhuman we held people to be.
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kako smo ih videli
kao neljude.
kao neljude.
10:05
And the change that's been accomplished there,
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I promena koja je
tu postignuta,
tu postignuta,
10:07
which is almost equally radical,
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koja je skoro
jednako radikalna,
jednako radikalna,
10:09
is one that we pay not very much attention to.
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je ona na koju
ne obraćamo mnogo pažnju.
ne obraćamo mnogo pažnju.
10:11
One of the families I interviewed, Tom and Karen Robards,
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Jedna od porodica koje sam
intervjuisao, Tom i Karen Robards,
intervjuisao, Tom i Karen Robards,
10:15
were taken aback when, as young and successful New Yorkers,
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bili su zaprepašćeni,
kao mladi i uspešni Njujorčani,
kao mladi i uspešni Njujorčani,
10:19
their first child was diagnosed with Down syndrome.
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kad je njihovom prvom detetu
dijagnostikovan Daunov sindrom.
dijagnostikovan Daunov sindrom.
10:23
They thought the educational opportunities for him were not what they should be,
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Mislili su da mogućnosti za njegovo
obrazovanje nisu bile kao što bi trebalo
obrazovanje nisu bile kao što bi trebalo
10:27
and so they decided they would build a little center --
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i odlučili su da
naprave mali centar -
naprave mali centar -
10:31
two classrooms that they started with a few other parents --
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dve učionice u kojima su počeli
sa još nekoliko drugih roditelja -
sa još nekoliko drugih roditelja -
10:34
to educate kids with D.S.
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da obrazuju decu
sa Daunovim sindromom.
sa Daunovim sindromom.
10:37
And over the years, that center grew into something called the Cooke Center,
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I tokom godina, centar je izrastao
u nešto što se zove Kuk centar,
u nešto što se zove Kuk centar,
10:41
where there are now thousands upon thousands
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gde sada ima
na hiljade
na hiljade
10:43
of children with intellectual disabilities who are being taught.
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dece sa intelektualnim
ograničenjima koja se obrazuju.
ograničenjima koja se obrazuju.
10:47
In the time since that Atlantic Monthly story ran,
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U vremenu od izlaska
priče u mesečniku Atlantik
priče u mesečniku Atlantik
10:50
the life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has tripled.
191
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prosečno trajanje života ljudi
sa Daunovim sindromom se uvećalo tri puta.
sa Daunovim sindromom se uvećalo tri puta.
10:54
The experience of Down syndrome people includes those who are actors,
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U iskustvu ljudi sa Daunovim sindromom
ima onih koji su glumci,
ima onih koji su glumci,
10:59
those who are writers, some who are able to live fully independently in adulthood.
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onih koji su pisci, nekih koji mogu
da žive potpuno samostalno kad odrastu.
da žive potpuno samostalno kad odrastu.
11:05
The Robards had a lot to do with that.
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Robardsovi imaju
puno zasluge u tome.
puno zasluge u tome.
11:07
And I said, "Do you regret it?
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Pitao sam: "Da li vam je
žao zbog toga?"
žao zbog toga?"
11:08
Do you wish your child didn't have Down syndrome?
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Da li biste želeli da vaše dete
nema Daunov sindrom?
nema Daunov sindrom?
11:11
Do you wish you'd never heard of it?"
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1849
Da li biste želeli
da nikad niste čuli za to?"
da nikad niste čuli za to?"
11:12
And interestingly his father said,
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I, interesantno,
njegov otac je rekao:
njegov otac je rekao:
11:15
"Well, for David, our son, I regret it,
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"Pa zbog Dejvida,
našeg sina, mi je žao
našeg sina, mi je žao
11:17
because for David, it's a difficult way to be in the world,
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jer za njega je
teško biti u svetu
teško biti u svetu
11:21
and I'd like to give David an easier life.
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i voleo bih da omogućim
Dejvidu lakši život.
Dejvidu lakši život.
11:24
But I think if we lost everyone with Down syndrome, it would be a catastrophic loss."
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Ali mislim da bi, da smo izgubili sve one sa
Daunovim sindromom, to bio katastrofalan gubitak."
Daunovim sindromom, to bio katastrofalan gubitak."
11:29
And Karen Robards said to me, "I'm with Tom.
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I Karen Robards mi je rekla:
"Slažem se s Tomom.
"Slažem se s Tomom.
11:32
For David, I would cure it in an instant to give him an easier life.
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Zbog Dejvida, izlečila bih ga odmah
da bi mu omogućila lakši život.
da bi mu omogućila lakši život.
11:36
But speaking for myself -- well, I would never have believed 23 years ago when he was born
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Ali govoreći u svoje ime - ne bih nikad
verovala pre 23 godine kad je rođen
verovala pre 23 godine kad je rođen
11:41
that I could come to such a point --
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2010
da ću doći do momenta -
11:43
speaking for myself, it's made me so much better and so much kinder
207
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4348
govoreći u svoje ime, to me je učinilo
mnogo boljom i mnogo plemenitijom
mnogo boljom i mnogo plemenitijom
11:48
and so much more purposeful in my whole life,
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3034
i sa mnogo više svrhe
u mom celom životu,
u mom celom životu,
11:51
that speaking for myself, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."
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6409
da, govoreći u svoje ime,
ne bih to menjala ni za šta na svetu."
ne bih to menjala ni za šta na svetu."
11:57
We live at a point when social acceptance for these and many other conditions
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Živimo u momentu kada je društveno
prihvatanje ovih i mnogih drugih stanja
prihvatanje ovih i mnogih drugih stanja
12:02
is on the up and up.
211
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1738
u porastu.
12:03
And yet we also live at the moment
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1836
Pa ipak, takođe
živimo u momentu
živimo u momentu
12:05
when our ability to eliminate those conditions
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2891
kada je naša sposobnost
da eliminišemo ova stanja
da eliminišemo ova stanja
12:08
has reached a height we never imagined before.
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2608
dostigla visine koje nikad
nismo zamišljali.
nismo zamišljali.
12:11
Most deaf infants born in the United States now
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3144
Većina gluve dece rođene
u Sjedinjenim Državama sada,
u Sjedinjenim Državama sada,
12:14
will receive Cochlear implants,
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1793
će dobiti implante
12:16
which are put into the brain and connected to a receiver,
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4815
koji se stavljaju u mozak
i povezani su sa prijemnikom
i povezani su sa prijemnikom
12:21
and which allow them to acquire a facsimile of hearing and to use oral speech.
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i koji im omogućavaju da dobiju
kopiju slušanja i koriste oralni govor.
kopiju slušanja i koriste oralni govor.
12:26
A compound that has been tested in mice, BMN-111,
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4299
Jedinjenje koje je testirano
na miševima, BMN-111,
na miševima, BMN-111,
12:30
is useful in preventing the action of the achondroplasia gene.
220
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5053
je korisno za sprečavanje
aktivnosti gena ahondroplazije.
aktivnosti gena ahondroplazije.
12:35
Achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism,
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2745
Ahondroplazija je najčešći
oblik patuljastog rasta
oblik patuljastog rasta
12:38
and mice who have been given that substance and who have the achondroplasia gene,
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i miševi kojima su dali tu supstancu
i koji su imali gen ahondroplazije
i koji su imali gen ahondroplazije
12:42
grow to full size.
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1918
su izrasli do
pune veličine.
pune veličine.
12:44
Testing in humans is around the corner.
224
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2551
Testiranje na ljudima
vreba iza ćoška.
vreba iza ćoška.
12:46
There are blood tests which are making progress
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2256
Postoje analize krvi
koje napreduju i
koje napreduju i
12:48
that would pick up Down syndrome more clearly and earlier in pregnancies than ever before,
226
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5495
koje pronalaze Daunov sindrom
u trudnoćama, jasnije i ranije nego ikada,
u trudnoćama, jasnije i ranije nego ikada,
12:54
making it easier and easier for people to eliminate those pregnancies,
227
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sve više olakšavajući ljudima
da eliminišu te trudnoće
da eliminišu te trudnoće
12:59
or to terminate them.
228
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1320
ili da ih prekinu.
13:00
And so we have both social progress and medical progress.
229
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4667
Tako imamo i društveni
i medicinski napredak.
i medicinski napredak.
13:05
And I believe in both of them.
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1852
I ja verujem u oba.
13:07
I believe the social progress is fantastic and meaningful and wonderful,
231
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4055
Verujem da je društveni napredak
fantastičan, smislen i sjajan
fantastičan, smislen i sjajan
13:11
and I think the same thing about the medical progress.
232
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3096
i isto mislim i za
medicinski napredak.
medicinski napredak.
13:14
But I think it's a tragedy when one of them doesn't see the other.
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4363
Ali mislim da je tragedija kad
jedan od njih ne vidi drugi.
jedan od njih ne vidi drugi.
13:18
And when I see the way they're intersecting
234
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2071
I kada vidim kako
se ukrštaju
se ukrštaju
13:20
in conditions like the three I've just described,
235
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2214
u uslovima kao ova tri
koja sam opisao,
koja sam opisao,
13:23
I sometimes think it's like those moments in grand opera
236
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3650
ponekad mislim da je to kao
oni momenti u velikoj operi
oni momenti u velikoj operi
13:26
when the hero realizes he loves the heroine
237
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2604
kad heroj shvata
da voli heroinu
da voli heroinu
13:29
at the exact moment that she lies expiring on a divan.
238
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4447
baš u onom trenutku
kad ona umire na sofi.
kad ona umire na sofi.
13:33
(Laughter)
239
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2799
(Smeh)
13:36
We have to think about how we feel about cures altogether.
240
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3882
Treba da razmislimo
šta mislimo o izlečenjima uopšte.
šta mislimo o izlečenjima uopšte.
13:40
And a lot of the time the question of parenthood is,
241
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Mnogo puta je pitanje
roditeljstva
roditeljstva
13:43
what do we validate in our children,
242
811436
1852
šta da cenimo
kod naše dece,
kod naše dece,
13:45
and what do we cure in them?
243
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1752
a šta da lečimo?
13:47
Jim Sinclair, a prominent autism activist, said,
244
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4171
Džim Sinkler, značajni
aktivista autizma, kaže:
aktivista autizma, kaže:
13:51
"When parents say 'I wish my child did not have autism,'
245
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4654
"Kad roditelji kažu: 'Voleo bih
da moje dete nema autizam',
da moje dete nema autizam',
13:55
what they're really saying is 'I wish the child I have did not exist
246
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4859
oni u stvari kažu: 'Voleo bih
da dete koje imam, ne postoji.
da dete koje imam, ne postoji.
14:00
and I had a different, non-autistic child instead.'
247
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4019
i da imam drugo,
neautistično dete umesto njega'.
neautistično dete umesto njega'.
14:04
Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence.
248
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4792
Pročitajte to ponovo. To je ono što čujemo
kad oplakujete naše postojanje.
kad oplakujete naše postojanje.
14:09
This is what we hear when you pray for a cure --
249
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3202
To je ono što čujemo
kad se molite za izlečenje -
kad se molite za izlečenje -
14:12
that your fondest wish for us
250
840737
1905
da je vaša najveća
želja u vezi sa nama
želja u vezi sa nama
14:14
is that someday we will cease to be
251
842642
2379
to da jednog dana
prestanemo da postojimo
prestanemo da postojimo
14:17
and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces."
252
845021
5555
i stranci koje možete da volite
se presele iza naših lica."
se presele iza naših lica."
14:22
It's a very extreme point of view,
253
850576
3066
To je vrlo
ekstreman pogled
ekstreman pogled
14:25
but it points to the reality that people engage with the life they have
254
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4129
ali on ukazuje na realnost
da se ljudi upuštaju u život koji imaju
da se ljudi upuštaju u život koji imaju
14:29
and they don't want to be cured or changed or eliminated.
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i ne žele da budu izlečeni
ili promenjeni ili eliminisani.
ili promenjeni ili eliminisani.
14:34
They want to be whoever it is that they've come to be.
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Oni žele da budu
šta god da su.
šta god da su.
14:37
One of the families I interviewed for this project
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Jedna od porodica koje sam
intervjuisao za ovaj projekat
intervjuisao za ovaj projekat
14:41
was the family of Dylan Klebold who was one of the perpetrators of the Columbine massacre.
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bila je porodica Dilana Klibolda koji je bio
jedan od zločinaca u masakru u Kolumbajnu.
jedan od zločinaca u masakru u Kolumbajnu.
14:46
It took a long time to persuade them to talk to me,
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Trebalo je puno vremena
da ih ubedim da pričaju sa mnom
da ih ubedim da pričaju sa mnom
14:49
and once they agreed, they were so full of their story
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a kada su pristali, bili su
toliko ispunjeni svojom pričom
toliko ispunjeni svojom pričom
14:52
that they couldn't stop telling it.
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da nisu mogli da prestanu
da je pričaju.
da je pričaju.
14:53
And the first weekend I spent with them -- the first of many --
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Prvog vikenda koji sam proveo s njima -
prvi od mnogih
prvi od mnogih
14:56
I recorded more than 20 hours of conversation.
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snimio sam više od
20 sati razgovora.
20 sati razgovora.
14:59
And on Sunday night, we were all exhausted.
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I u nedelju uveče,
svi smo bili iscrpljeni.
svi smo bili iscrpljeni.
15:01
We were sitting in the kitchen. Sue Klebold was fixing dinner.
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Sedeli smo u kuhinji.
Su Klibold je spremala večeru.
Su Klibold je spremala večeru.
15:04
And I said, "If Dylan were here now,
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I ja sam pitao: "Da je Dilan
sada ovde,
sada ovde,
15:07
do you have a sense of what you'd want to ask him?"
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895276
2845
da li imate osećaj
šta biste želeli da ga pitate?"
šta biste želeli da ga pitate?"
15:10
And his father said, "I sure do.
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898121
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I njegov otac je rekao:
"Naravno da imam.
"Naravno da imam.
15:12
I'd want to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing."
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900489
3549
Želeo bih da ga pitam
šta je to dođavola mislio da radi."
šta je to dođavola mislio da radi."
15:16
And Sue looked at the floor, and she thought for a minute.
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904038
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Su je pogledala u pod
i razmislila na minut.
i razmislila na minut.
15:19
And then she looked back up and said,
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907676
2179
I onda je podigla pogled
i rekla:
i rekla:
15:21
"I would ask him to forgive me for being his mother
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909855
4063
"Ja bih ga pitala da mi oprosti što,
kao njegova majka,
kao njegova majka,
15:25
and never knowing what was going on inside his head."
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913918
4424
nikad nisam znala
šta se događa u njegovoj glavi."
šta se događa u njegovoj glavi."
15:30
When I had dinner with her a couple of years later --
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918342
2968
Kad sam večerao sa njom
nakon nekoliko godina -
nakon nekoliko godina -
15:33
one of many dinners that we had together --
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921310
1927
jedna od mnogih
zajedničkih večera -
zajedničkih večera -
15:35
she said, "You know, when it first happened,
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923237
3410
rekla je: "Znaš,
kad se to dogodilo,
kad se to dogodilo,
15:38
I used to wish that I had never married, that I had never had children.
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926647
3808
poželela sam da se nikad nisam udala
i da nikad nisam imala dece.
i da nikad nisam imala dece.
15:42
If I hadn't gone to Ohio State and crossed paths with Tom,
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930455
3492
Da nisam otišla u Ohajo
i ukrstila put sa Tomom,
i ukrstila put sa Tomom,
15:45
this child wouldn't have existed and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened.
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933947
3642
ovo dete ne bi postojalo
i ova užasna stvar se ne bi dogodila.
i ova užasna stvar se ne bi dogodila.
15:49
But I've come to feel that I love the children I had so much
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937589
4515
Ali osetila sam
da sam volela svoju decu toliko
da sam volela svoju decu toliko
15:54
that I don't want to imagine a life without them.
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942104
3303
da nisam htela da zamislim
život bez njih.
život bez njih.
15:57
I recognize the pain they caused to others, for which there can be no forgiveness,
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945407
4929
Prepoznajem bol koji su naneli drugima,
što ne može da se oprosti
što ne može da se oprosti
16:02
but the pain they caused to me, there is," she said.
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950336
3464
ali za bol koji su naneli meni,
može", rekla je.
može", rekla je.
16:05
"So while I recognize that it would have been better for the world
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953800
3792
"Iako priznajem
da bi bilo bolje za svet
da bi bilo bolje za svet
16:09
if Dylan had never been born,
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957592
2510
da se Dilan nije rodio,
16:12
I've decided that it would not have been better for me."
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960102
5482
odlučila sam da to ne bi bilo
bolje za mene."
bolje za mene."
16:17
I thought it was surprising how all of these families had all of these children with all of these problems,
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965584
6484
Mislio sam da je iznenađujuće kako su ove porodice
imale svu ovu decu sa svim ovim problemima,
imale svu ovu decu sa svim ovim problemima,
16:24
problems that they mostly would have done anything to avoid,
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972068
3033
problemima za koje bi uglavnom
uradili sve da ih izbegnu
uradili sve da ih izbegnu
16:27
and that they had all found so much meaning in that experience of parenting.
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975101
3819
i da su svi našli tako puno smisla
u tom iskustvu roditeljstva.
u tom iskustvu roditeljstva.
16:30
And then I thought, all of us who have children
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978920
3201
I onda sam pomislio
da svi mi koji imamo decu
da svi mi koji imamo decu
16:34
love the children we have, with their flaws.
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982121
2692
volimo ih
sa njihovim manama.
sa njihovim manama.
16:36
If some glorious angel suddenly descended through my living room ceiling
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984813
4256
Kad bi neki divni anđeo iznenada
sišao kroz plafon moje dnevne sobe
sišao kroz plafon moje dnevne sobe
16:41
and offered to take away the children I have
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989069
2210
i ponudio mi da
odvede moju decu
odvede moju decu
16:43
and give me other, better children -- more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --
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991279
6594
i dovede mi drugu, bolju decu -
učtiviju, zabavniju, finiju, pametniju -
učtiviju, zabavniju, finiju, pametniju -
16:49
I would cling to the children I have and pray away that atrocious spectacle.
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997873
5105
ja bih zadržao svoju decu i
oterao tu gnusnu predstavu.
oterao tu gnusnu predstavu.
16:54
And ultimately I feel
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1002978
1992
I konačno osećam
16:56
that in the same way that we test flame-retardant pajamas in an inferno
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1004970
3578
da na isti način kao što testiramo
pidžame otporne na vatru u paklu
pidžame otporne na vatru u paklu
17:00
to ensure they won't catch fire when our child reaches across the stove,
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1008548
4472
da bi bili sigurni da se neće zapaliti
kad se naša deca nagnu preko peći,
kad se naša deca nagnu preko peći,
17:05
so these stories of families negotiating these extreme differences
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1013020
4068
tako se ove priče o porodicama koje
savlađuju ove ekstremne razlike
savlađuju ove ekstremne razlike
17:09
reflect on the universal experience of parenting,
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1017088
2681
ogledaju u univerzalnom
iskustvu roditeljstva
iskustvu roditeljstva
17:11
which is always that sometimes you look at your child and you think,
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1019769
4134
što je uvek ono kad pogledate
svoje dete i pomislite,
svoje dete i pomislite,
17:15
where did you come from?
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1023903
2189
odakle li si ti došao?
17:18
(Laughter)
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1026092
2454
(Smeh)
17:20
It turns out that while each of these individual differences is siloed --
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1028546
4975
Izgleda da, dok je svaka
od ovih individualnih razlika uskladištena,
od ovih individualnih razlika uskladištena,
17:25
there are only so many families dealing with schizophrenia,
305
1033521
2545
ima puno porodica koje
su suočene sa šizofrenijom,
su suočene sa šizofrenijom,
17:28
there are only so many families of children who are transgender,
306
1036066
2637
ima puno porodica
dece koja su transrodna,
dece koja su transrodna,
17:30
there are only so many families of prodigies --
307
1038703
2194
ima puno porodica
sa izuzetno talentovanom decom,
sa izuzetno talentovanom decom,
17:32
who also face similar challenges in many ways --
308
1040897
2284
koje se isto suočavaju
sa sličnim izazovima,
sa sličnim izazovima,
17:35
there are only so many families in each of those categories --
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1043181
2690
ima puno porodica
u svakoj od ovih kategorija,
u svakoj od ovih kategorija,
17:37
but if you start to think
310
1045871
1432
ali ako počnete
da razmišljate
da razmišljate
17:39
that the experience of negotiating difference within your family
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1047303
3566
da je iskustvo savlađivanja
razlika u vašoj porodici
razlika u vašoj porodici
17:42
is what people are addressing,
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1050869
2030
ono o čemu ljudi govore,
17:44
then you discover that it's a nearly universal phenomenon.
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1052899
3737
onda otkrivate da je to skoro
univerzalni fenomen.
univerzalni fenomen.
17:48
Ironically, it turns out, that it's our differences, and our negotiation of difference,
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1056636
4635
Ironično, izgleda, da su naše razlike
i naše savlađivanje razlika
i naše savlađivanje razlika
17:53
that unite us.
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1061271
2428
ono što nas sjedinjuje.
17:55
I decided to have children while I was working on this project.
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1063699
5314
Odlučio sam da imam decu
dok sam radio na ovom projektu.
dok sam radio na ovom projektu.
18:01
And many people were astonished and said,
317
1069013
3116
I mnogi ljudi su bili
zaprepašćeni i rekli su:
zaprepašćeni i rekli su:
18:04
"But how can you decide to have children
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1072129
1848
"Ali kako možeš da
rešiš da imaš decu
rešiš da imaš decu
18:05
in the midst of studying everything that can go wrong?"
319
1073977
4106
usred proučavanja svega onoga
što tu može da krene po zlu?"
što tu može da krene po zlu?"
18:10
And I said, "I'm not studying everything that can go wrong.
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1078083
3230
Rekao sam: "Ne proučavam
ono što može da krene po zlu.
ono što može da krene po zlu.
18:13
What I'm studying is how much love there can be,
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1081313
3091
Proučavam koliko ljubavi
može da bude
može da bude
18:16
even when everything appears to be going wrong."
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1084404
4725
čak i ako sve izgleda
da ide po zlu."
da ide po zlu."
18:21
I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,
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1089129
5635
Razmišljao sam dosta o majci
jednog invalidnog deteta koje sam video,
jednog invalidnog deteta koje sam video,
18:26
a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.
324
1094764
3772
teško invalidnog deteta koje je umrlo
zbog nebrige osobe koja ga je negovala.
zbog nebrige osobe koja ga je negovala.
18:30
And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,
325
1098536
2810
I kad je njegov pepeo zakopan,
njegova majka je rekla:
njegova majka je rekla:
18:33
"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed,
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1101346
8034
"Molim se ovde sada, za oproštaj
što sam bila dvaput opljačkana,
što sam bila dvaput opljačkana,
18:41
once of the child I wanted and once of the son I loved."
327
1109380
6056
jedanput mi je uzeto dete koje sam htela
i jedanput sin kog sam volela."
i jedanput sin kog sam volela."
18:47
And I figured it was possible then for anyone to love any child
328
1115436
4636
I shvatio sam da je onda
moguće da svako voli bilo koje dete
moguće da svako voli bilo koje dete
18:52
if they had the effective will to do so.
329
1120072
2532
ako ima stvarnu
volju za to.
volju za to.
18:54
So my husband is the biological father of two children
330
1122604
5025
Moj muž je
biološki otac dvoje dece
biološki otac dvoje dece
18:59
with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
331
1127629
2761
sa nekim prijateljicama
lezbejkama u Mineapolisu.
lezbejkama u Mineapolisu.
19:02
I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce and wanted to have children.
332
1130390
5824
Ja imam prijateljicu sa koledža
koja se razvela i htela da ima decu.
koja se razvela i htela da ima decu.
19:08
And so she and I have a daughter,
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1136214
1898
I ona i ja imamo ćerku
19:10
and mother and daughter live in Texas.
334
1138112
2211
i majka i ćerka
žive u Teksasu.
žive u Teksasu.
19:12
And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time
335
1140323
3239
A moj muž i ja imamo sina
koji živi sa nama,
koji živi sa nama,
19:15
of whom I am the biological father,
336
1143562
2384
kome sam ja biološki otac
19:17
and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,
337
1145946
3920
a naš surogat za trudnoću
je bila Lora,
je bila Lora,
19:21
the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
338
1149881
3048
lezbejka majka Olivera
i Lusi u Mineapolisu.
i Lusi u Mineapolisu.
19:24
(Applause)
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1152929
8655
(Aplauz)
19:33
So the shorthand is five parents of four children in three states.
340
1161584
5464
Ukratko, pet roditelja četvoro dece
u tri države.
u tri države.
19:39
And there are people who think that the existence of my family
341
1167048
3356
I ima ljudi koji misle da
postojanje moje porodice
postojanje moje porodice
19:42
somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.
342
1170404
4665
na neki način podriva ili slabi
ili šteti njihovoj porodici.
ili šteti njihovoj porodici.
19:47
And there are people who think that families like mine
343
1175069
3628
I ima ljudi koji misle
da porodicama kao što je moja
da porodicama kao što je moja
19:50
shouldn't be allowed to exist.
344
1178697
1684
ne bi trebalo
da se dozvoli da postoje.
da se dozvoli da postoje.
19:52
And I don't accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones.
345
1180381
5655
A ja ne prihvatam oduzimajuće
modele ljubavi, već samo dodajuće.
modele ljubavi, već samo dodajuće.
19:58
And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity
346
1186036
3526
I verujem da, na isti način
kao što nam je potrebna različitost vrsta
kao što nam je potrebna različitost vrsta
20:01
to ensure that the planet can go on,
347
1189562
2251
da obezbedimo
dalje postojanje planete,
dalje postojanje planete,
20:03
so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family
348
1191813
4201
tako nam treba i ova različitost
afiniteta i različitost porodica
afiniteta i različitost porodica
20:08
in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
349
1196014
4681
da bismo ojačali biosferu
plemenitosti.
plemenitosti.
20:12
The day after our son was born,
350
1200695
2370
Dan pošto se naš sin rodio
20:15
the pediatrician came into the hospital room and said she was concerned.
351
1203065
4572
doktorka, pedijatar, je došla
u bolničku sobu i rekla da je zabrinuta.
u bolničku sobu i rekla da je zabrinuta.
20:19
He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.
352
1207637
3133
On nije ispravljao noge
kako treba.
kako treba.
20:22
She said that might mean that he had brain damage.
353
1210770
2909
Rekla je da to može da znači
da ima oštećenje mozga.
da ima oštećenje mozga.
20:25
In so far as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,
354
1213679
3361
Kako ih je do sada ispravljao,
radio je to asimetrično,
radio je to asimetrično,
20:29
which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.
355
1217040
3863
što je ona mislila da može da znači
da postoji neki tumor.
da postoji neki tumor.
20:32
And he had a very large head, which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
356
1220903
4783
I imao je veliku glavu, za šta je mislila
da može da bude višak tečnosti u lobanji.
da može da bude višak tečnosti u lobanji.
20:37
And as she told me all of these things,
357
1225686
1630
I kad mi je rekla sve ovo
20:39
I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.
358
1227316
3995
osećao sam da se središte
mog bića prosipa na pod.
mog bića prosipa na pod.
20:43
And I thought, here I had been working for years
359
1231311
2343
I mislio sam,
radio sam godinama
radio sam godinama
20:45
on a book about how much meaning people had found
360
1233654
2549
na knjizi o tome
koliko smisla ljudi nalaze
koliko smisla ljudi nalaze
20:48
in the experience of parenting children who are disabled,
361
1236203
3533
u iskustvu odgajanja
dece koja su invalidi
dece koja su invalidi
20:51
and I didn't want to join their number.
362
1239736
3900
i nisam hteo
da im se pridružim.
da im se pridružim.
20:55
Because what I was encountering was an idea of illness.
363
1243636
2695
Jer ono što sam nalazio
bila je ideja o bolesti.
bila je ideja o bolesti.
20:58
And like all parents since the dawn of time,
364
1246331
2250
I kao svi roditelji
od početka vremena,
od početka vremena,
21:00
I wanted to protect my child from illness.
365
1248581
3346
želeo sam da zaštitim
svoje dete od bolesti.
svoje dete od bolesti.
21:03
And I wanted also to protect myself from illness.
366
1251927
3211
I želeo sam takođe
da zaštitim sebe od bolesti.
da zaštitim sebe od bolesti.
21:07
And yet, I knew from the work I had done
367
1255138
2560
Pa ipak, znao sam
iz rada koji sam uradio da,
iz rada koji sam uradio da,
21:09
that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,
368
1257698
4107
da je imao bilo šta od onoga
na šta smo se spremili da ga testiramo,
na šta smo se spremili da ga testiramo,
21:13
that those would ultimately be his identity,
369
1261805
3073
to bi bio na kraju
njegov identitet
njegov identitet
21:16
and if they were his identity they would become my identity,
370
1264878
4234
i ako bi to bio njegov identitet,
to bi postalo i moj identitet,
to bi postalo i moj identitet,
21:21
that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
371
1269112
4157
da će ta bolest, kako se razvija,
imati vrlo drugačiji oblik.
imati vrlo drugačiji oblik.
21:25
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,
372
1273269
3031
Odveli smo ga na magnetnu rezonancu,
odveli smo ga na CT skener,
odveli smo ga na CT skener,
21:28
we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.
373
1276300
3998
uzeli smo ovo dete staro jedan dan
i dali ga na vađenje krvi.
i dali ga na vađenje krvi.
21:32
We felt helpless.
374
1280298
1194
Osećali smo se
bespomoćno.
bespomoćno.
21:33
And at the end of five hours,
375
1281492
1478
I posle pet sati
21:34
they said that his brain was completely clear
376
1282970
2224
rekli su da je njegov mozak
potpuno čist
potpuno čist
21:37
and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.
377
1285194
3010
i da je do tada već počeo
da ispravlja noge pravilno.
da ispravlja noge pravilno.
21:40
And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,
378
1288204
2932
I kada sam pitao pedijatra
šta se to onda desilo,
šta se to onda desilo,
21:43
she said she thought in the morning he had probably had a cramp.
379
1291136
4335
rekla je da je jutros
verovatno imao grč.
verovatno imao grč.
21:47
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
21:51
But I thought how my mother was right.
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Ali pomislio sam koliko
je moja majka bila u pravu.
je moja majka bila u pravu.
21:58
I thought, the love you have for your children
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Pomislio sam da je
ljubav prema svojoj deci
ljubav prema svojoj deci
22:02
is unlike any other feeling in the world,
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kao nijedno drugo
osećanje na svetu
osećanje na svetu
22:05
and until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
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i dok nemaš dece,
ne znaš kako je to.
ne znaš kako je to.
22:11
I think children had ensnared me
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Mislim da su me deca
uhvatila u zamku
uhvatila u zamku
22:14
the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.
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u trenutku kad sam povezao
očinstvo sa gubitkom.
očinstvo sa gubitkom.
22:17
But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
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Ali nisam siguran
da bih to primetio
da bih to primetio
22:19
if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.
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da nisam bio toliko duboko
u ovom mom istraživačkom projektu.
u ovom mom istraživačkom projektu.
22:25
I'd encountered so much strange love,
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Našao sam toliko mnogo
neobične ljubavi
neobične ljubavi
22:28
and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.
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i osetio sam se vrlo prirodno
u njenim omamljujućim obrascima.
u njenim omamljujućim obrascima.
22:32
And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
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I video sam kako sjaj može
da obasja i najbednije ranjivosti.
da obasja i najbednije ranjivosti.
22:38
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned
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Tokom ovih 10 godina
bio sam svedok i naučio
bio sam svedok i naučio
22:42
the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,
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zastrašujuću radost
nepodnošljive odgovornosti
nepodnošljive odgovornosti
22:46
and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.
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i video sam kako ona
osvaja sve drugo.
osvaja sve drugo.
22:49
And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,
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I dok sam ponekad mislio da su roditelji
koje sam intervjuisao budale
koje sam intervjuisao budale
22:54
enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children
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koje se zarobljavaju doživotno
sa svojom nezahvalnom decom
sa svojom nezahvalnom decom
22:58
and trying to breed identity out of misery,
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pokušavajući da stvore
identitet od bede,
identitet od bede,
23:01
I realized that day that my research had built me a plank
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shvatio sam tog dana da mi je
moje istraživanje napravilo dasku za hodanje
moje istraživanje napravilo dasku za hodanje
23:06
and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
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i bio sam spreman
da im se pridružim na njihovom brodu.
da im se pridružim na njihovom brodu.
23:09
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
23:11
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - WriterAndrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.
Why you should listen
Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.
Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.
Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.
Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com