TEDxNewYork
Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself
آدام گالینسکی: چطور نظراتمان را ابراز کنیم.
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ابراز نظر و عقایدمان حتی در موارد ضروری سخت و دشوار است. در این ویدیو، با راهنمایی‌های حکیمانه روانشناس اجتماعی اقای آدام گالینسکی، راه حل های دفاع از خود، هدایت کردن موقعیت های اجتماعی سخت و افزایش قدرت شخصی اموزش داده میشود.
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologist
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Speaking up is hard to do.
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ابراز عقیده کردن کار سختی است.
00:16
I understood the true meaning
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
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من معنی دقیق این حرف را یک ماه پیش فهمیدم
00:21
when my wife and I became new parents.
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وقتی که من و همسرم صاحب بچه ای شدیم.
00:25
It was an amazing moment.
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و اون لحظه واقعا شگفت انگیز،
00:26
It was exhilarating and elating,
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خوشحال کننده و هیجان‌آوری بود.
00:29
but it was also scary and terrifying.
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ولی درکنارش حس ترس و وحشت هم داشت.
00:32
And it got particularly terrifying
when we got home from the hospital,
when we got home from the hospital,
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وقتی از بیمارستان به خونه برگشیم ترسناکتر شد؛
00:36
and we were unsure
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چون ما دقیقا نمیدونستیم که
00:38
whether our little baby boy was getting
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
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پسرمون از شیرمادر به مقدارکافی تغذیه میکنه.
00:42
And we wanted to call our pediatrician,
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و ما قصد داشتیم به پزشک کودک زنگ بزنیم،
00:45
but we also didn't want
to make a bad first impression
to make a bad first impression
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ولی نمیخواستیم دیدار اولمون بد باشه.
00:48
or come across as a crazy,
neurotic parent.
neurotic parent.
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و فکرکنند ما والدین وسواسی و احمقی هستیم.
00:51
So we worried.
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پس هم نگران بودیم.
00:52
And we waited.
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و صبر کردیم.
00:54
When we got to the doctor's office
the next day,
the next day,
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وقتی که فردای اون روز به دکتر مراجعه کردیم
00:56
she immediately gave him formula
because he was pretty dehydrated.
because he was pretty dehydrated.
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وبه بچه سرُم داد چون اب بدنش کم شده بود.
01:01
Our son is fine now,
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خب الان پسر ما حالش خوبه،
01:02
and our doctor has reassured us
we can always contact her.
we can always contact her.
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دکتربه ما گفت همیشه میتونیم بهش زنگ بزنیم.
01:06
But in that moment,
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اما نکته اینجاست که من اون لحظه
01:07
I should've spoken up, but I didn't.
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باید حرفمو میزدم. ولی نزدم.
01:10
But sometimes we speak up
when we shouldn't,
when we shouldn't,
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بعضی وقتا هم نباید نظرمونوبگیم ولی میگیم.
01:14
and I learned that over 10 years ago
when I let my twin brother down.
when I let my twin brother down.
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مثلا ده سال پیش من باعث شکست برادرم شدم.
01:18
My twin brother
is a documentary filmmaker,
is a documentary filmmaker,
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برادر دوقلوی من یه مستندسازه،
01:21
and for one of his first films,
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و برای یکی از اولین فیلمهایش
01:22
he got an offer
from a distribution company.
from a distribution company.
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از یه شرکت پخش بهش پیشنهاد کاری دادن.
01:25
He was excited,
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اون هیجان زده بود،
01:26
and he was inclined to accept the offer.
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و دوست داشت پیشنهادشون رو قبول کنه.
01:29
But as a negotiations researcher,
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ولی من بعنوان پژوهشگر مذاکرات،
01:31
I insisted he make a counteroffer,
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اصرارکردم درخواست پیشنهاد متقابل بده،
01:34
and I helped him craft the perfect one.
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و من کمکش کردم یه پیشنهاد عالی بده.
01:37
And it was perfect --
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و واقعا عالی بود.
01:39
it was perfectly insulting.
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واقعا یه پیشنهاد توهین امیزتمام عیار بود.
01:42
The company was so offended,
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اون شرکت از این پیشنهاد ناراحت شد،
01:44
they literally withdrew the offer
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و از تصمیمش منصرف شد.
01:46
and my brother was left with nothing.
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و برادرم اینجا یه بازنده شد.
01:48
And I've asked people all over the world
about this dilemma of speaking up:
about this dilemma of speaking up:
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مردم دنیا درمورد ابرازعقیده بامن صحبت کردن
01:52
when they can assert themselves,
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و گفتن یعنی بتونن از خودشون دفاع کنن،
01:54
when they can push their interests,
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بتونن علایقشونو برهمه چیز مسلط کنن،
01:55
when they can express an opinion,
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و بتونن افکارشونو بیان کنن،
01:58
when they can make an ambitious ask.
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یا یه درخواست جاه طلبانه مطرح کنن.
02:00
And the range of stories
are varied and diverse,
are varied and diverse,
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داستان ها متفاوت و متنوعه،
02:05
but they also make up
a universal tapestry.
a universal tapestry.
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بااین حال همشون یک مدل یکسان دارن:
02:07
Can I correct my boss
when they make a mistake?
when they make a mistake?
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میتونم حرف اشتباه رئیسمو اصلاح کنم؟
02:10
Can I confront my coworker
who keeps stepping on my toes?
who keeps stepping on my toes?
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یا با همکارم که همیشه مزاحممه صحبت کنم؟
02:14
Can I challenge my friend's
insensitive joke?
insensitive joke?
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میتونم به شوخی های بیمزه دوستم اعتراض کنم؟
02:18
Can I tell the person I love the most
my deepest insecurities?
my deepest insecurities?
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میتونم نگرانی هامو با محبوبم درمیون بذارم؟
02:22
And through these experiences,
I've come to recognize
I've come to recognize
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و بعد از این تجربیات بود که من فهمیدم،
02:25
that each of us have something called
a range of acceptable behavior.
a range of acceptable behavior.
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ما یک دامنه رفتارهای قابل قبول داریم.
02:29
Now, sometimes we're too strong;
we push ourselves too much.
we push ourselves too much.
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گاهی احساس قدرت و شجاعت میکنیم.
02:34
That's what happened with my brother.
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مثل برادرم که پیشنهاد دادن
02:36
Even making an offer was outside
his range of acceptable behavior.
his range of acceptable behavior.
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خارج از دامنه رفتارهای قابل قبولش بود.
02:41
But sometimes we're too weak.
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گاهی برای بیان نظراتمون ناتوانیم.
02:43
That's what happened with my wife and I.
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مثل اتفاقی که برای من و همسرم افتاد.
02:45
And this range of acceptable behaviors --
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و اگه دردامنه قابل قبول،
02:47
when we stay within our range,
we're rewarded.
we're rewarded.
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باقی بمونیم، پاداش میگیریم.
02:50
When we step outside that range,
we get punished in a variety of ways.
we get punished in a variety of ways.
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و اگه خارج بشیم، تنبیه میشیم.
02:54
We get dismissed or demeaned
or even ostracized.
or even ostracized.
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ممکنه اخراج، تحقیر یاحتی طرد بشیم.
02:58
Or we lose that raise
or that promotion or that deal.
or that promotion or that deal.
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و ارتقاء، پاداش یا قراردادیو ازدست بدیم.
03:01
Now, the first thing we need to know is:
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خب حالا اولین چیزی که باید بدونیم اینه که:
03:04
What is my range?
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دامنه رفتارهای من چیه؟
03:06
But the key thing is,
our range isn't fixed;
our range isn't fixed;
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اما باید بدونیم محدوده ما ثابت نیست،
03:11
it's actually pretty dynamic.
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و درواقع بسیارپویا و متغیره.
03:12
It expands and it narrows
based on the context.
based on the context.
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و براساس موقعیت گسترده یا محدود میشه.
03:17
And there's one thing that determines
that range more than anything else,
that range more than anything else,
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و فقط یک عامل در میزان دامنه موثره،
03:22
and that's your power.
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که همون قدرت شماست.
03:23
Your power determines your range.
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قدرت شما دامنه ی شما رو مشخص میکنه.
03:25
What is power?
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قدرت چیه؟
03:26
Power comes in lots of forms.
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قدرت شکل های زیادی داره.
03:28
In negotiations, it comes
in the form of alternatives.
in the form of alternatives.
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در مذاکرات به شکل یک جایگزین ظاهر میشه.
03:31
So my brother had no alternatives;
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خب برادر من جایگزین دیگه ای نداشت،
03:33
he lacked power.
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پس قدرتی هم نداشت.
03:35
The company had lots of alternatives;
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اما شرکت جایگزین های زیادی داشت،
03:36
they had power.
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پس قدرت دست اون بود.
03:38
Sometimes it's being new
to a country, like an immigrant,
to a country, like an immigrant,
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یه دلیل دیگه، جدید بودنه. مثل مهاجرها،
03:41
or new to an organization
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یا کارمند جدید یک سازمان،
03:42
or new to an experience,
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یا کسب یه تجربه جدید،
03:44
like my wife and I as new parents.
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مثل من وهمسرم که جدیدا مادروپدر شده بودیم.
03:46
Sometimes it's at work,
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گاهی سر کار اتفاق میفته،
03:47
where someone's the boss
and someone's the subordinate.
and someone's the subordinate.
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که یکی رئیسه و دیگری کارمنده.
03:50
Sometimes it's in relationships,
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گاهی توی روابط وجود داره،
03:52
where one person's more invested
than the other person.
than the other person.
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که یکی توانایی های بیشتری دارد.
03:55
And the key thing is that when
we have lots of power,
we have lots of power,
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و نکته اصلی اینه که وقتی قدرت زیادی داریم،
03:58
our range is very wide.
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دامنه رفتارمون گسترده تر میشه.
04:00
We have a lot of leeway in how to behave.
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و رفتارهای مختلفی داشته باشیم.
04:03
But when we lack power, our range narrows.
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اماوقتی قدرت کم باشه، دامنه تنگ تر میشه.
04:06
We have very little leeway.
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تنوع رفتاری خیلی کم میشه.
04:08
The problem is that when
our range narrows,
our range narrows,
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مشکل اینه که با تنگ شدن این دامنه،
04:11
that produces something called
the low-power double bind.
the low-power double bind.
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" کم قدرتی و گرفتاری دوسره" پیش میاد.
04:16
The low-power double bind happens
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وقتی این مسئله پیش میاد یعنی اینکه
04:19
when, if we don't speak up,
we go unnoticed,
we go unnoticed,
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اگه نظرمونو نگیم نادیده گرفته میشیم،
04:22
but if we do speak up, we get punished.
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ولی اگرهم نظرمونوبگیم مجازات میشیم.
04:25
Now, many of you have heard
the phrase the "double bind"
the phrase the "double bind"
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اکثرا این عبارت "گرفتاری دوسره" رو شنیدین
04:28
and connected it with one thing,
and that's gender.
and that's gender.
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و به جنسیت افراد ربطش دادین. یعنی زنان.
04:31
The gender double bind is women
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
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که با عدم ابرازعقیده، بهشون بی توجهی میشه،
04:35
and women who do speak up get punished.
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و با ابراز عقیده هم مورد مجازات واقع میشن.
04:38
And the key thing is that women have
the same need as men to speak up,
the same need as men to speak up,
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زنان مثل مردان نیاز به اظهارعقیده دارن.
04:43
but they have barriers to doing so.
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اما با مشکلاتی مواجه هستن.
04:46
But what my research has shown
over the last two decades
over the last two decades
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تحقیق من طی این دوسال نشون داده که
04:49
is that what looks
like a gender difference
like a gender difference
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چیزی که در ظاهراختلاف جنسیتی دیده میشه
04:53
is not really a gender double bind,
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در حقیقت یک گرفتاری دوطرفه جنسیتی نیست،
04:55
it's a really a low-power double bind.
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بلکه مسئله کم قدرتی و گرفتاری دو طرفه است.
04:57
And what looks like a gender difference
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و چیزی که به نظراختلاف جنسیتی میاد
04:59
are really often just power
differences in disguise.
differences in disguise.
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درواقع اغلب اختلاف قدرتهاست.
05:03
Oftentimes we see a difference
between a man and a woman
between a man and a woman
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ما اغلب تفاوتهایی بین یک مرد و یک زن
05:06
or men and women,
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یا مردها و زن ها میبینیم،
05:07
and think, "Biological cause.
There's something fundamentally different
There's something fundamentally different
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و به دلایل زیستی انها فکر میکنیم. به اینکه
05:10
about the sexes."
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دوجنس اختلافی اساسی دارن.
05:12
But in study after study,
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ولی مطالعات فراوان من نشون داد که
05:14
I've found that a better explanation
for many sex differences
for many sex differences
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که توجیه بهتربرای این اختلاف جنسیت ها
05:18
is really power.
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در واقع همون اختلاف قدرته.
05:20
And so it's the low-power double bind.
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پس این همون کم قدرتی و گرفتاری دوطرفه است.
05:23
And the low-power double bind
means that we have a narrow range,
means that we have a narrow range,
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یعنی ما درکناردامنه رفتاری کم،
05:28
and we lack power.
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قدرت کمی هم داریم.
05:30
We have a narrow range,
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ما محدوده ی کمی داریم،
05:31
and our double bind is very large.
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و گرفتاری دوطرفه ما زیاده.
05:34
So we need to find ways
to expand our range.
to expand our range.
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پس راه های افزایش این دامنه چیه؟
05:36
And over the last couple decades,
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طی چند دهه اخیر،
05:38
my colleagues and I have found
two things really matter.
two things really matter.
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من و همکارانم دو عامل مهم رو کشف کردیم.
05:41
The first: you seem powerful
in your own eyes.
in your own eyes.
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احساس قدرت شما از نظرخودتون شکل میگیره.
05:46
The second: you seem powerful
in the eyes of others.
in the eyes of others.
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احساس قدرت شما از نظردیگران شکل میگیره.
05:49
When I feel powerful,
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وقتی که من احساس قدرت میکنم،
05:52
I feel confident, not fearful;
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به خودم مطمئنم و دیگه نمیترسم،
05:54
I expand my own range.
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و اینطوری دامنه رفتارمو گسترده میکنم.
05:55
When other people see me as powerful,
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و وقتی هم بقیه مردم من رو قدرتمند ببینن،
05:58
they grant me a wider range.
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این دامنه بازهم گسترده تر میشه.
06:01
So we need tools to expand
our range of acceptable behavior.
our range of acceptable behavior.
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پس ما به ابزارهایی نیاز داریم.
06:05
And I'm going to give you
a set of tools today.
a set of tools today.
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که امروز چندتاشون رو معرفی میکنم.
06:08
Speaking up is risky,
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ابراز عقیده کردن یه رفتار پرخطره،
06:10
but these tools will lower
your risk of speaking up.
your risk of speaking up.
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اما این ابزارها خطرات رو کمتر میکنن.
06:15
The first tool I'm going to give you
got discovered in negotiations
got discovered in negotiations
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اولین ابزارطی مذاکراتی
06:20
in an important finding.
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درمورد یک یافته مهم کشف شد.
06:22
On average, women make
less ambitions offers
less ambitions offers
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زنان درخواست معاملات بلندپروازانه کمتر،
06:26
and get worse outcomes than men
at the bargaining table.
at the bargaining table.
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و نتایج بدتری نسبت به مردان دریافت میکنند.
06:30
But Hannah Riley Bowles
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
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اما هانا ریلی و امیلی امانتولا فهمیدن که
06:33
there's one situation
where women get the same outcomes as men
where women get the same outcomes as men
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فقط با یک شرط زنان هم مثل مردان موفق
06:37
and are just as ambitious.
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و بلندپرواز میشن.
06:39
That's when they advocate for others.
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این زمانیه که انها از دیگران حمایت میکنن.
06:43
When they advocate for others,
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وقتی زنان از دیگران حمایت و طرفداری میکنن،
06:45
they discover their own range
and expand it in their own mind.
and expand it in their own mind.
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باعث کشف و گسترش دامنه رفتارشون میشن.
06:50
They become more assertive.
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اعتماد به نفسشون بیشتر میشه.
06:51
This is sometimes called
"the mama bear effect."
"the mama bear effect."
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به این پدیده "اثر خرس مادر" میگن.
06:55
Like a mama bear defending her cubs,
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مثل خرس مادر که از توله هاش حمایت میکنه،
06:57
when we advocate for others,
we can discover our own voice.
we can discover our own voice.
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با حمایت دیگران، خودمونو پیدا میکنیم.
07:02
But sometimes, we have
to advocate for ourselves.
to advocate for ourselves.
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اما گاهی میخوایم خودمونو حمایت کنیم.
07:05
How do we do that?
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چطور اینکارو بکنیم؟
07:06
One of the most important tools
we have to advocate for ourselves
we have to advocate for ourselves
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یکی از راه های از خود حمایت کردن
07:10
is something called perspective-taking.
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بهش میگن "دگر اندیشی"
07:13
And perspective-taking is really simple:
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که تعریفش خیلی اسونه:
07:16
it's simply looking at the world
through the eyes of another person.
through the eyes of another person.
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یعنی دنیا رو از نگاه دیگری ببینیم.
07:21
It's one of the most important tools
we have to expand our range.
we have to expand our range.
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و از این راه دامنه رفتارمون رو گسترش بدیم.
07:24
When I take your perspective,
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وقتی من دیدگاه شما رو داشته باشم.
07:26
and I think about what you really want,
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و به فکر نیازهای واقعیتون باشم.
07:29
you're more likely to give me
what I really want.
what I really want.
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شما منوبه خواسته هام میرسونی.
07:33
But here's the problem:
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ولی مشکل اینجاست که
07:34
perspective-taking is hard to do.
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دگراندیشی کار سختیه.
07:37
So let's do a little experiment.
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پس یه ازمایش کوچیک انجام میدیم.
07:38
I want you all to hold
your hand just like this:
your hand just like this:
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ازتون میخوام انگشتتون رو اینطوری کنین:
07:41
your finger -- put it up.
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بیارین بالا.
07:43
And I want you to draw
a capital letter E on your forehead
a capital letter E on your forehead
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و میخوام هرچه سریع تر روی پیشونیتون
07:48
as quickly as possible.
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حرف E رو بنویسین.
07:52
OK, it turns out that we can
draw this E in one of two ways,
draw this E in one of two ways,
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ما میتونیم به دو روش این حرف رو بنویسیم،
07:55
and this was originally designed
as a test of perspective-taking.
as a test of perspective-taking.
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این یک تست اندازه گیری میزان دگراندیشیه.
07:58
I'm going to show you two pictures
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حالا میخوام دو تصویر بهتون نشون بدم
08:00
of someone with an E on their forehead --
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شخصی که شکل E رو روی پیشونیش کشیده:
08:02
my former student, Erika Hall.
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دانشجوی سابق من، اریکا هاله.
08:05
And you can see over here,
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و شما دارین تو تصویر میبینین،
08:07
that's the correct E.
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که حرف E درست نوشته شد.
08:08
I drew the E so it looks like
an E to another person.
an E to another person.
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من طوری مینویسم که برای دیگری هم Eباشه.
08:12
That's the perspective-taking E
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این یعنی دگراندیشی حرف E.
08:14
because it looks like an E
from someone else's vantage point.
from someone else's vantage point.
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چون از دید شخص دیگر حرف Eدرست دیده میشه.
08:17
But this E over here
is the self-focused E.
is the self-focused E.
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اما حرفE دراین تصویر، یک Eخودمحوره.
08:20
We often get self-focused.
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رفتارهای ما معمولا خودمحوره.
08:22
And we particularly get
self-focused in a crisis.
self-focused in a crisis.
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ما معمولا در بحرانها دچار خودمحوری میشیم.
08:26
I want to tell you
about a particular crisis.
about a particular crisis.
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بذارید یه جریان جالب براتون بگم. مردی،
08:28
A man walks into a bank
in Watsonville, California.
in Watsonville, California.
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وارد بانکی در واتسونویل کالیفرنیا میشه.
08:32
And he says, "Give me $2,000,
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و میگه: "یا به من ۲٫۰۰۰ دلار میدین
08:34
or I'm blowing the whole bank
up with a bomb."
up with a bomb."
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یا همه بانک رو با یک بمب منفجرمیکنم."
08:37
Now, the bank manager
didn't give him the money.
didn't give him the money.
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خب مدیربانک بلافاصله پول رو بهش نداد.
08:40
She took a step back.
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بجاش یه قدم به عقب برداشت و
08:41
She took his perspective,
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موقعیت رو از دید اون مرد دید.
08:43
and she noticed something
really important.
really important.
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و به یه نتیجه مهمی رسید:
08:45
He asked for a specific amount of money.
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اون مبلغ پول مشخصی رو درخواست کرد
08:48
So she said,
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پس این سوالو پرسید:
08:50
"Why did you ask for $2,000?"
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"۲٫۰۰۰ دلار رو برای چی میخوای؟"
08:53
And he said, "My friend
is going to be evicted
is going to be evicted
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گفت:"اگه همین الان ۲٫۰۰۰ دلار به دوستم ندم
08:55
unless I get him $2,000 immediately."
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از کارش اخراج میشه."
08:57
And she said, "Oh! You don't want
to rob the bank --
to rob the bank --
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مدیرگفت:"پس شما نمیخواین ازبانک دزدی کنین
09:01
you want to take out a loan."
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میخواین وام بگیرین!"
09:02
(Laughter)
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(خنده حضار)
09:03
"Why don't you come back to my office,
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"پس بیا تو دفترم
09:05
and we can have you
fill out the paperwork."
fill out the paperwork."
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تا اونجا کارای کاغذیش رو انجام بدی."
09:07
(Laughter)
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(خنده حضار)
09:09
Now, her quick perspective-taking
defused a volatile situation.
defused a volatile situation.
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پس تغییر دیدگاه باعث رفع موقعیت خطرناک شد.
09:14
So when we take someone's perspective,
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بنابراین نتیجه میگیریم که با دگراندیشی
09:16
it allows us to be ambitious
and assertive, but still be likable.
and assertive, but still be likable.
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هم میشه جاه طلب و قاطع بود، هم محبوب.
09:21
Here's another way to be assertive
but still be likable,
but still be likable,
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یه راه دیگه برای قاطعیت و محبوب بودن،
09:24
and that is to signal flexibility.
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انعطاف نشون دادنه.
09:27
Now, imagine you're a car salesperson,
and you want to sell someone a car.
and you want to sell someone a car.
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مثلا فروشنده هستین و میخواین ماشین بفروشین
09:31
You're going to more likely make the sale
if you give them two options.
if you give them two options.
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احتمال فروش با ارائه دو انتخاب بیشتر میشه.
09:36
Let's say option A:
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مثلا انتخاب اول اینه که
09:37
$24,000 for this car
and a five-year warranty.
and a five-year warranty.
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یه ماشین ۲۴٫۰۰۰ دلاری با پنج سال ضمانت،
09:41
Or option B:
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یا انتخاب دوم
09:42
$23,000 and a three-year warranty.
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یه ماشین ۲۳٫۰۰۰ دلاری با سه سال ضمانت.
09:45
My research shows that when you give
people a choice among options,
people a choice among options,
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تحقیقات نشون داد وقتی قدرت انتخاب باشه
09:49
it lowers their defenses,
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حالت تدافعی هم کمتر میشه.
09:51
and they're more likely
to accept your offer.
to accept your offer.
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و احتمال قبولی پیشنهاد شما بیشتر میشه.
09:54
And this doesn't just
work with salespeople;
work with salespeople;
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این مسئله فقط برای فروشنده ها صدق نمیکنه،
09:56
it works with parents.
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برای والدین هم تاثیرگذاره.
09:57
When my niece was four,
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وقتی دختر برادرم ۴ ساله بود،
09:58
she resisted getting dressed
and rejected everything.
and rejected everything.
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لباس نمیپوشید و همه رو پس میزد.
10:02
But then my sister-in-law
had a brilliant idea.
had a brilliant idea.
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ولی زن برادرم یه فکرعالی به سرش زد
10:05
What if I gave my daughter a choice?
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"چی میشه اگه به دخترم قدرت انتخاب بدم؟"
10:07
This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt.
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این لباس یا اون لباس؟ خوبه،اون لباس.
10:09
This pant or that pant? OK, that pant.
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این شلوار یا اون شلوار؟خوبه،اون شلوار.
10:11
And it worked brilliantly.
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و اثرش خارق العاده بود.
10:13
She got dressed quickly
and without resistance.
and without resistance.
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با اینکار دخترش راحت و سریع لباس پوشید.
10:17
When I've asked the question
around the world
around the world
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وقتی من از مردم پرسیدم
10:19
when people feel comfortable speaking up,
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کی احساس راحتی برای ابرازعقیده دارن،
10:21
the number one answer is:
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جواب شماره یک همه این بود:
10:23
"When I have social support
in my audience; when I have allies."
in my audience; when I have allies."
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"وقتی که شنوندگان منو حمایت کنن."
10:28
So we want to get allies on our side.
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پس ما نیازمند حامیانی برای خودمون هستیم.
10:31
How do we do that?
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چطور اینکار رو بکنیم؟
10:33
Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear.
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خب،یکی از راه هاش "خرس مادر" بودنه.
10:36
When we advocate for others,
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ماوقتی از دیگران دفاع میکنیم،
10:37
we expand our range in our own eyes
and the eyes of others,
and the eyes of others,
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این دامنه از نظر خودمون و دیگران بیشتر شده
10:41
but we also earn strong allies.
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و هم حامیانی قدرتمند به دست اوردیم.
10:43
Another way we can earn strong allies,
especially in high places,
especially in high places,
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یکی از راه های دیگه بخصوص در مقامات بالا
10:48
is by asking other people for advice.
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اینکه نظر دیگران رو بپرسیم.
10:51
When we ask others for advice,
they like us because we flatter them,
they like us because we flatter them,
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با این کار در واقع بهشون ارزش میدیم.
10:57
and we're expressing humility.
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و تواضع خودمون رو نشون دادیم.
10:59
And this really works to solve
another double bind.
another double bind.
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و این یه راه حل برای یه گرفتاری دوسره دیگه
11:02
And that's the self-promotion double bind.
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به اسم خود ارتقاییه.
11:05
The self-promotion double bind
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گرفتاری دوسره ی خودارتقایی
11:07
is that if we don't advertise
our accomplishments,
our accomplishments,
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یعنی اینکه اگرما موفقیتهامون رو نشون ندیم،
11:10
no one notices.
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به ما توجهی نمیشه.
11:11
And if we do, we're not likable.
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واگه نشون بدیم، دیگه محبوب نیستیم.
11:13
But if we ask for advice
about one of our accomplishments,
about one of our accomplishments,
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اما با پرسیدن نظربقیه درباره موفقیتهامون،
11:17
we are able to be competent
in their eyes but also be likeable.
in their eyes but also be likeable.
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باعث میشه درنگاهشون شایسته ومحبوب باشیم.
11:22
And this is so powerful
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و این راه حل واقعا کاربردیه.
11:24
it even works when you see it coming.
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حتی مواقعی که در حال وقوعه.
11:27
There have been multiple times in life
when I have been forewarned
when I have been forewarned
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دفعات زیادی توزندگیم بهم گفتن
11:31
that a low-power person has been given
the advice to come ask me for advice.
the advice to come ask me for advice.
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که شخصی برای دونستن نظرم بهم مراجعه کرده
11:36
I want you to notice
three things about this:
three things about this:
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میخوام تو این مورد به سه نکته توجه کنین:
11:38
First, I knew they were going
to come ask me for advice.
to come ask me for advice.
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اولا میدونستم برای پرسیدن نظرم پیشم میان.
11:41
Two, I've actually done research
on the strategic benefits
on the strategic benefits
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دوما مزایای استراتژیک پرسیدن نظردیگران
11:45
of asking for advice.
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موضوع تحقیقات من بود.
11:47
And three, it still worked!
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و سوما هنوزاین روش اثربخشه!
11:50
I took their perspective,
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با دیدن شرایط از دیدگاه اونها،
11:51
I became more invested in their calls,
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به من اختیارات بیشتری دادن،
11:54
I became more committed to them
because they asked for advice.
because they asked for advice.
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من هم به اونها متعهدتر شدم.
11:58
Now, another time we feel
more confident speaking up
more confident speaking up
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اعتماد به نفس برای ابرازعقیده بیشتره وقتی
12:01
is when we have expertise.
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ما در کاری تخصص داشته باشیم.
12:04
Expertise gives us credibility.
252
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تخصص به انسان اعتبار میده.
12:06
When we have high power,
we already have credibility.
we already have credibility.
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برای قدرت بیشتر باید اعتباربیشتری هم داشت.
12:09
We only need good evidence.
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و فقط به شواهد خوب نیاز داریم.
12:11
When we lack power,
we don't have the credibility.
we don't have the credibility.
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وقتی قدرتی نداریم، پس اعتباری هم نداریم.
12:14
We need excellent evidence.
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پس نیاز به مدارک وشواهد عالی داریم.
12:17
And one of the ways
we can come across as an expert
we can come across as an expert
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ویکی از راه های متخصص شدن اینه که
12:21
is by tapping into our passion.
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به علایقمون مراجعه کنیم.
12:23
I want everyone in the next few days
to go up to friend of theirs
to go up to friend of theirs
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از همتون میخوام برید سراغ دوستاتون
12:27
and just say to them,
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و فقط بهشون بگین،
12:29
"I want you to describe
a passion of yours to me."
a passion of yours to me."
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"میخوام یکی ازعلایقتو برام توصیف کنی."
12:32
I've had people do this all over the world
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مردم زیادی این کارو برام انجام دادن
12:35
and I asked them,
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وبعدازاون ازشون پرسیدم:
12:36
"What did you notice
about the other person
about the other person
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"چی درمورد اون شخصی که
درمورد احساساتش میگفت
درمورد احساساتش میگفت
12:38
when they described their passion?"
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نظرتو جلب کرد؟"
12:40
And the answers are always the same.
266
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و جوابهای همیشه یکسانند.
12:42
"Their eyes lit up and got big."
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2008
"چشماشون میدرخشه و درشت میشه."
12:44
"They smiled a big beaming smile."
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"یه لبخند شاد به لبهاشونه."
12:47
"They used their hands all over --
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"از دستهاشون زیاد استفاده میکردن..
12:49
I had to duck because their
hands were coming at me."
hands were coming at me."
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به حدی که به عقب میرفتم که
دستهاشون بهم نخوره."
دستهاشون بهم نخوره."
12:51
"They talk quickly
with a little higher pitch."
with a little higher pitch."
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"تندتندصحبت میکنن و صداشون یکم بلند میشه."
12:54
(Laughter)
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(خنده حضار)
12:55
"They leaned in
as if telling me a secret."
as if telling me a secret."
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"اونا به سمتم خم میشن انگار
یه رازی میخوان بگن."
یه رازی میخوان بگن."
12:57
And then I said to them,
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و بعد ازشون پرسیدم:
12:58
"What happened to you
as you listened to their passion?"
as you listened to their passion?"
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"واکنش شما حین گوش کردن حرفاشون چی بود؟"
13:02
They said, "My eyes lit up.
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میگفتن، "چشمام میدرخشید،
13:04
I smiled.
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لبخند میزدم
13:05
I leaned in."
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و به سمت جلوخم میشدم."
13:07
When we tap into our passion,
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وقتی احساسات همدیگه رو نشونه میگیریم،
13:09
we give ourselves the courage,
in our own eyes, to speak up,
in our own eyes, to speak up,
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این شجاعت رو به خودمون میدیم
که عقایدمون رو ابراز کنیم،
که عقایدمون رو ابراز کنیم،
13:12
but we also get the permission
from others to speak up.
from others to speak up.
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هم به دیگران اجازه میدیم که ابرازعقیده کنن
13:16
Tapping into our passion even works
when we come across as too weak.
when we come across as too weak.
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مراجعه به علایقمون حتی مواقعی که
تونایی کمی داریم موثره.
تونایی کمی داریم موثره.
13:22
Both men and women get punished
at work when they shed tears.
at work when they shed tears.
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زن و مرد وقتی درمحل کار گریه کنند
جریمه میشن.
جریمه میشن.
13:27
But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
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اما «لیزی ولف» ثابت کرد
وقتی احساسات قوی تبدیل به علایق بشن،
وقتی احساسات قوی تبدیل به علایق بشن،
13:33
the condemnation of our crying
disappears for both men and women.
disappears for both men and women.
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اعتراضات به گریه های زن و مرد کمتر میشه.
13:40
I want to end with a few words
from my late father
from my late father
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صحبتم رو با چندعبارت ازسخنرانی پدرمرحومم
13:44
that he spoke at my twin
brother's wedding.
brother's wedding.
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در مراسم ازدواج برادر دوقلوم، خاتمه میدم.
13:46
Here's a picture of us.
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این عکس ما سه تاست.
13:49
My dad was a psychologist like me,
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پدرم مثل من روانشناس بود.
13:51
but his real love and his real
passion was cinema,
passion was cinema,
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اما عشق و علاقه اصلیش سینما بود.
13:55
like my brother.
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مثل برادرم.
13:56
And so he wrote a speech
for my brother's wedding
for my brother's wedding
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پدرم برای این مراسم سخنرانی اماده کرده بود
13:59
about the roles we play
in the human comedy.
in the human comedy.
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درمورد نقش های کمدی ما در زندگیمون
14:02
And he said, "The lighter your touch,
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و اون گفت:"هرچه بیشتر احساس سبکی کنی،
14:04
the better you become at improving
and enriching your performance.
and enriching your performance.
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اجرایت بهتر و موفق تر میشود."
14:09
Those who embrace their roles
and work to improve their performance
and work to improve their performance
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کسانی که نقششون رو قبول میکنن
و برای بهبودش تلاش میکنن
و برای بهبودش تلاش میکنن
14:14
grow, change and expand the self.
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خودشون رو رشد و تغییر میدن.
14:17
Play it well,
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نقش هاتون رو خوب بازی کنین،
14:18
and your days will be mostly joyful."
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تا روزهای زندگیتون شاد بشه."
14:20
What my dad was saying
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چیزی که پدرم منظورش بود این بود که
14:22
is that we've all been assigned
ranges and roles in this world.
ranges and roles in this world.
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ما همه برای نقش های خاصی افریده شده ایم.
14:27
But he was also saying
the essence of this talk:
the essence of this talk:
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اما نکته اصلی این سخنرانی رو هم مطرح کرد:
14:31
those roles and ranges are constantly
expanding and evolving.
expanding and evolving.
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این نقش ها مدام درحال تغییر و گسترش هستن.
14:36
So when a scene calls for it,
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پس وقتی در یک صحنه ای قراردارین
14:39
be a ferocious mama bear
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یک خرس مادر نترس باشین
14:41
and a humble advice seeker.
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و متواضعانه به دنبال
نظرات دیگران باشین.
نظرات دیگران باشین.
14:43
Have excellent evidence and strong allies.
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شواهد عالی و حامیان قوی داشته باشین.
14:47
Be a passionate perspective taker.
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و به دنبال علایقتون برید و
از دید دیگران به شرایط نگاه کنین.
از دید دیگران به شرایط نگاه کنین.
14:50
And if you use those tools --
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و اگه از این ابزار استفاده کنین،
14:52
and each and every one of you
can use these tools --
can use these tools --
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و تک نک شما از اونها استفاده کنین،
14:56
you will expand your range
of acceptable behavior,
of acceptable behavior,
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میتونین دامنه رفتارهای قابل قبولتون رو
افزایش بدین و
افزایش بدین و
14:59
and your days will be mostly joyful.
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روزهای شادی در زندگیتون به ارمغان بیارید.
15:04
Thank you.
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متشکرم.
15:05
(Applause)
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(تشویق حضار)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologistAdam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.
Why you should listen
Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."
Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012).
Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages.
Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com