TED2013
Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head
Eleanor Longden: Glasovi u mojoj glavi
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Po svim izgledima Eleanor Longden je bila kao i svaki student, učeći na koledžu punom nade i bez brige o svijetu.
To je trajalo sve dok se glasovi u njenoj glavi nisu počeli javljati. U početku neškodljivi, ovi unutarnji naratori postali su sve više anagnostični i diktatorski, pretvarajući njen život u noćnu moru. Dijagnostikovana šizofrenom, hospitalizirana, drogirana, Longdenova je bila odbačena od sistema koji nije znao kako joj pomoći. Longden priča dirljivu priču o svom dugogodišnjem putovanju do mentalnog zdravlja i predstavlja slučaj u kome je bilo teško učiti slušati svoje glasove kako bi preživjela.
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
The day I left home for the first time
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Dan kada sam napustila kuću
po prvi put
po prvi put
00:14
to go to university was a bright day
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da bih otišla na fakultet,
bio je sunčan,
bio je sunčan,
00:16
brimming with hope and optimism.
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pun nade i optimizma
00:19
I'd done well at school. Expectations for me were high,
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Bila sam dobar učenik u školi.
Očekivalo se mnogo od mene,
Očekivalo se mnogo od mene,
00:22
and I gleefully entered the student life
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i sa slavljem sam počela
svoj studentski život
svoj studentski život
00:24
of lectures, parties and traffic cone theft.
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sa magistarskim studijama, zabavama,
životom pod punim gasom.
životom pod punim gasom.
00:28
Now appearances, of course, can be deceptive,
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Izgled može,naravno, da zavara,
00:30
and to an extent, this feisty, energetic persona
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i u nekim količinama,
ta vatrena,energična ličnost,
ta vatrena,energična ličnost,
00:34
of lecture-going and traffic cone stealing was a veneer,
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koja je pratila magistarske studije
i živjela pod punim gasom, bila je fasada
i živjela pod punim gasom, bila je fasada
00:37
albeit a very well-crafted and convincing one.
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prilično dobro ubjedljiva i
dobro namjenjena.
dobro namjenjena.
00:40
Underneath, I was actually deeply unhappy, insecure
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Ispod maske,ja sam istinski bila
nesretna, nedostajala mi je sigurnost
nesretna, nedostajala mi je sigurnost
00:43
and fundamentally frightened --
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i bila sam totalno prestrašena -
00:45
frightened of other people, of the future, of failure
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od drugih ljudi, od budućnosti, poraza,
00:49
and of the emptiness that I felt was within me.
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i praznine koju sam osjećala u sebi.
00:51
But I was skilled at hiding it, and from the outside
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Ali sam je to osjećanje krila,
i na prvi pogled
i na prvi pogled
00:54
appeared to be someone with everything to hope for
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izgledala sam kao neko ko je mogao
da ispuni velike nade
da ispuni velike nade
00:56
and aspire to.
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i velike ambicije.
00:57
This fantasy of invulnerability was so complete
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Ta fantazija neosetljivosti bila je
toliko kompleksna
toliko kompleksna
01:01
that I even deceived myself,
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da sam prevarila samu sebe,
01:02
and as the first semester ended and the second began,
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i od kada je prvi semestar završen,
a drugi počeo
a drugi počeo
01:05
there was no way that anyone could have predicted
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niko nije mogao da pretpostavi
01:07
what was just about to happen.
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šta će se dogoditi.
01:10
I was leaving a seminar when it started,
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Napustila sam seminar kada
je počeo,
je počeo,
01:13
humming to myself, fumbling with my bag
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prepuštena pretrazi po svojoj
torbi,
torbi,
01:15
just as I'd done a hundred times before,
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kao što sam i ranije ponekad radila,
01:18
when suddenly I heard a voice calmly observe,
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kad sam odjednom čula glas
koji šapuće:
koji šapuće:
01:20
"She is leaving the room."
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"Napušta salu."
01:23
I looked around, and there was no one there,
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Gledala sam oko sebe, nije
bilo nikoga
bilo nikoga
01:24
but the clarity and decisiveness of the comment
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ali čistoća i jasnost komentara
01:27
was unmistakable.
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je svakako postojala.
01:28
Shaken, I left my books on the stairs and hurried home,
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Uznemirena, ispustila sam knjige na
stepenice i otrčala kući
stepenice i otrčala kući
01:31
and there it was again.
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a glas se vratio.
01:32
"She is opening the door."
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"Ona otvara vrata."
01:34
This was the beginning. The voice had arrived.
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To je bio početak. Glas se vratio.
01:38
And the voice persisted,
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I glas je nastavio
01:41
days and then weeks of it, on and on,
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danima i nedeljama, sve više
i više
i više
01:43
narrating everything I did in the third person.
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pričajući sve šta sam radila
u trećem licu.
u trećem licu.
01:45
"She is going to the library."
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"Ide u biblioteku."
01:47
"She is going to a lecture."
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"ide na čas."
01:49
It was neutral, impassive and even, after a while,
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Bio je neutralan, nezaustavljiv,
čak na trenutke,
čak na trenutke,
01:52
strangely companionate and reassuring,
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čudno prijateljski i uvjerujući,
01:54
although I did notice that its calm exterior sometimes slipped
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iako sam primijetila da je taj
smirujući ton ponekad bio usitnjen,
smirujući ton ponekad bio usitnjen,
01:58
and that it occasionally mirrored my own unexpressed emotion.
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i da je reflektirao moja osobne
neiskazane osjećaje.
neiskazane osjećaje.
02:01
So, for example, if I was angry and had to hide it,
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Također, na primjer, kada bih bila
bijesna i kada bih morala to kriti,
bijesna i kada bih morala to kriti,
02:04
which I often did, being very adept at concealing how I really felt,
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ono što se često javljalo, jer sam bila
profesionalac u prikrivanju osjećaja,
profesionalac u prikrivanju osjećaja,
02:07
then the voice would sound frustrated.
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tako da je glas zvučao frustrirano.
02:09
Otherwise, it was neither sinister nor disturbing,
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Inače, nije bio ni opak i uzrujavajući
02:12
although even at that point it was clear
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iako je u to vrijeme bilo jasno
02:14
that it had something to communicate to me
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da je on imao nešto da mi kaže
o mojim osjećajima
o mojim osjećajima
02:16
about my emotions, particularly emotions
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posebno osjećajima
02:19
which were remote and inaccessible.
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koji su bili daleki i nepristupačni.
02:22
Now it was then that I made a fatal mistake,
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Dakle, napravila sam fatalnu pogrešku,
02:25
in that I told a friend about the voice, and she was horrified.
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pričajući o glasu prijateljici:
Bila je prestravljena.
Bila je prestravljena.
02:28
A subtle conditioning process had begun,
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Suptilan proces uslovljavanja
je počeo,
je počeo,
02:30
the implication that normal people don't hear voices
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činjenica da obični ljudi
ne čuju glas,
ne čuju glas,
02:34
and the fact that I did meant that something was very seriously wrong.
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dok ga ja čujem, pokazuje da
nešto ne valja.
nešto ne valja.
02:37
Such fear and mistrust was infectious.
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Strah i nepovjenje je bilo zarazno.
02:41
Suddenly the voice didn't seem quite so benign anymore,
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Iznenada, glas nije više djelovao
benigno,
benigno,
02:44
and when she insisted that I seek medical attention,
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i dok je moja prijateljica insistirala
da konsultujem doktora,
da konsultujem doktora,
02:46
I duly complied, and which proved to be
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prilagodila sam se tome,
a otkriće toga
a otkriće toga
02:48
mistake number two.
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je bila druga pogreška.
02:50
I spent some time telling the college G.P.
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Provodila sam neko vreme objašnjavajući
doktoru opšte prakse na fakultetu
doktoru opšte prakse na fakultetu
02:52
about what I perceived to be the real problem:
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da sam kao istinski problem
osećala:
osećala:
02:54
anxiety, low self-worth, fears about the future,
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nervoza, slabo pouzdanje u sebe,
strah od budućnosti,
strah od budućnosti,
02:57
and was met with bored indifference
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ali sam samo primijetila pristojnu
indiferentnost
indiferentnost
02:59
until I mentioned the voice,
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do momenta kada sam pomenula
glas,
glas,
03:01
upon which he dropped his pen, swung round
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kada je ispustio svoju olovku, napravio
je začuđujuću facu,
je začuđujuću facu,
03:03
and began to question me with a show of real interest.
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i počeo da me ispituje
03:06
And to be fair, I was desperate for interest and help,
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Da budem iskrena, trebala sam pomoć
i kada se zainteresovao za moj slučaj,
i kada se zainteresovao za moj slučaj,
03:08
and I began to tell him about my strange commentator.
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počela sam mu pričati o
mom stranom komentatoru.
mom stranom komentatoru.
03:11
And I always wish, at this point, the voice had said,
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Uvijek sam željela da je u tom
momentu glas rekao:
momentu glas rekao:
03:13
"She is digging her own grave."
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"Ona sama sebi kopa grob."
03:15
I was referred to a psychiatrist, who likewise
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Uputili su me psihijatru, koji je
također
također
03:19
took a grim view of the voice's presence,
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shvatio negativnu stranu glasa,
03:21
subsequently interpreting everything I said
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i interpretirao je logično sve što
sam govorila
sam govorila
03:23
through a lens of latent insanity.
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aludirajući na prizmu skrivene
ludosti.
ludosti.
03:26
For example, I was part of a student TV station
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Na primjer, bila sam član uredničkog
tima studentske TV stanice
tima studentske TV stanice
03:29
that broadcast news bulletins around the campus,
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koja je prenosila novosti i informacije
o fakultetu
o fakultetu
03:31
and during an appointment which was running very late,
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i tokom jedne posjete doktoru koja
se odužila,
se odužila,
03:33
I said, "I'm sorry, doctor, I've got to go.
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rekla sam mu: "Oprostite, doktore,
ali moram ići.
ali moram ići.
03:35
I'm reading the news at six."
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Prezentujem novosti u 6 sati."
03:36
Now it's down on my medical records that Eleanor
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U mom zdravstvenom kartonu
pisalo je
pisalo je
03:38
has delusions that she's a television news broadcaster.
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da se Eleonora pretvara da je
voditelj vijesti.
voditelj vijesti.
03:42
It was at this point that events began
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U tom stadijumu su događaji
počeli
počeli
03:45
to rapidly overtake me.
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se brzo odvijati.
03:47
A hospital admission followed, the first of many,
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Pratio ih je odlazak u bolnicu,
prvi u dugoj seriji događaja,
prvi u dugoj seriji događaja,
03:50
a diagnosis of schizophrenia came next,
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dijagnoza šizofrenije je uslijedila,
03:53
and then, worst of all, a toxic, tormenting sense
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a potom, još gore, mučni i
zagađujući osjećaj
zagađujući osjećaj
03:56
of hopelessness, humiliation and despair
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beznađa, poniženja i odbačenosti
04:00
about myself and my prospects.
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vezano za mene i moju
budućnosti.
budućnosti.
04:02
But having been encouraged to see the voice
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Ali, dok sam bila ohrabrivana
da gledam na glas
da gledam na glas
04:05
not as an experience but as a symptom,
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ne kao iskustvo, već kao simptom
04:07
my fear and resistance towards it intensified.
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moj strah i otpornost na njega
su se pojačavali.
su se pojačavali.
04:10
Now essentially, this represented taking
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Najbitnije, sve to se ispoljilo
04:12
an aggressive stance towards my own mind,
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agresivno pozicijom nasuprot moje
duše
duše
04:14
a kind of psychic civil war,
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kao neke vrst fizičkog civilnog
rata,
rata,
04:17
and in turn this caused the number of voices to increase
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i na svoj način, to je prouzrokovalo
brojne glasove,
brojne glasove,
04:20
and grow progressively hostile and menacing.
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koji su progresivno postajali
neprijateljski i prijeteći.
neprijateljski i prijeteći.
04:23
Helplessly and hopelessly, I began to retreat
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Beznadežna i očajna, počela
sam se povlačiti
sam se povlačiti
04:27
into this nightmarish inner world
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u taj unutarnji košmarni svijet,
04:29
in which the voices were destined to become
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u kojem su glasovi bili
predviđeni da postanu
predviđeni da postanu
04:31
both my persecutors and my only perceived companions.
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na momente moji goniči
i jedino društvo koje sam slušala.
i jedino društvo koje sam slušala.
04:35
They told me, for example, that if I proved myself worthy
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Govorili smo mi, na primjer,
ako bih poludjela
ako bih poludjela
04:38
of their help, then they could change my life
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oni bi mogli mi vratiti
04:40
back to how it had been,
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moj prijeđašnji život
04:41
and a series of increasingly bizarre tasks was set,
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i stvorili su mi seriju mučenja
sve čudnijih i čudnijih
sve čudnijih i čudnijih
04:44
a kind of labor of Hercules.
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neke vrste Herkulovih poslova.
04:46
It started off quite small, for example,
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Sve je to počelo polahko,
04:48
pull out three strands of hair,
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na primjer, trebalo je da iščupam
tri dlake svoje kose
tri dlake svoje kose
04:50
but gradually it grew more extreme,
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ali vremenom postajalo je
sve ekstremnije,
sve ekstremnije,
04:51
culminating in commands to harm myself,
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dok nisam dobila naredbu
da sebi naudim
da sebi naudim
04:54
and a particularly dramatic instruction:
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sa tačnim spektakularnim
instrukcijama:
instrukcijama:
04:56
"You see that tutor over there?
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"Vidiš onog profesora tamo?
04:58
You see that glass of water?
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Vidiš li tu čašu vode?
04:59
Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front of the other students."
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Super, moraš da odeš tamo i da je
istreseš na glavu pred studentima."
istreseš na glavu pred studentima."
05:02
Which I actually did, and which needless to say
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Ono što sam zaista uradila,
i ne moram ni da vam kažem,
i ne moram ni da vam kažem,
05:04
did not endear me to the faculty.
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da mi nije bilo bitno
ni da me profesori poštuju.
ni da me profesori poštuju.
05:06
In effect, a vicious cycle of fear, avoidance,
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Konkretno, razvratni krug straha
izbjegavanja,
izbjegavanja,
05:10
mistrust and misunderstanding had been established,
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nepovjerenja i nerazumjevanja su
se konstituisala
se konstituisala
05:13
and this was a battle in which I felt powerless
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te je to postala bitka u kojoj
sam se osjetila bespomoćno,
sam se osjetila bespomoćno,
05:15
and incapable of establishing any kind of peace or reconciliation.
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i nemoćnom da uspostavim bilo
kakvu vrstu mira ili sklada.
kakvu vrstu mira ili sklada.
05:20
Two years later, and the deterioration was dramatic.
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Dvije godine kasnije, degradacija
je dosegla svoj zenit.
je dosegla svoj zenit.
05:23
By now, I had the whole frenzied repertoire:
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Dostigla sam sam vrh repertoara:
05:27
terrifying voices, grotesque visions,
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zastrašujući glasovi, groteskne vizije,
05:30
bizarre, intractable delusions.
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čudni i nezaustavljivi ushićaji.
05:33
My mental health status had been a catalyst
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Stanje mog mentalnog zdravlja
bilo je iziritirano
bilo je iziritirano
05:35
for discrimination, verbal abuse,
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diskriminacijom, uvrijedama,
05:38
and physical and sexual assault,
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i fizičkom i seksualnom agresijom,
05:40
and I'd been told by my psychiatrist,
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a moj psihijatar mi je rekao:
05:42
"Eleanor, you'd be better off with cancer,
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"Eleanor, bolje bi prošla sa
kancerom,
kancerom,
05:44
because cancer is easier to cure than schizophrenia."
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jer je kancer mnogo lakše
liječiti nego šizofreniju."
liječiti nego šizofreniju."
05:48
I'd been diagnosed, drugged and discarded,
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Dijagnostikovana sam, drogirana i
odbačena,
odbačena,
05:51
and was by now so tormented by the voices
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a još sam bila mučena od strane
tih glasova
tih glasova
05:53
that I attempted to drill a hole in my head
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da sam si poželjela izbušiti rupu
u glavi
u glavi
05:56
in order to get them out.
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kako bih izvukla vani.
05:58
Now looking back on the wreckage and despair of those years,
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Danas, kada razmišljam o tom
brodolomu i beznađu tih godina,
brodolomu i beznađu tih godina,
06:02
it seems to me now as if someone died in that place,
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čini mi se kao da je neko
umro u tom prostoru
umro u tom prostoru
06:06
and yet, someone else was saved.
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i zbog toga, i neko drugi je
bio spašen.
bio spašen.
06:09
A broken and haunted person began that journey,
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Slomljena i ukleta osoba je
preuzela to putovanje,
preuzela to putovanje,
06:13
but the person who emerged was a survivor
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a osoba koja je napusitla bila
je spasilac,
je spasilac,
06:16
and would ultimately grow into the person
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i završila kao osoba
06:18
I was destined to be.
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koja mi je suđena da postanem.
06:20
Many people have harmed me in my life,
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Dosta ljudi mi je činila zlo tokom
života
života
06:23
and I remember them all,
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i sjećam se svih njih
06:24
but the memories grow pale and faint
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ali ta sjećanja blijede i iščezavaju
06:27
in comparison with the people who've helped me.
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u poređenju sa ljudima koji su mi
pomogli.
pomogli.
06:31
The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers,
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Moji prijatelji koji čuju glasove,
06:33
the comrades and collaborators;
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moje kolege i saradnici:
06:35
the mother who never gave up on me,
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majka koja me nikada nije
napustila,
napustila,
06:38
who knew that one day I would come back to her
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koja je znala da ću joj doći
jednog dana,
jednog dana,
06:40
and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;
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e koja je uvijek bila spremna
da me čeka koliko treba;
da me čeka koliko treba;
06:44
the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time
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doktor koji je sa mnom radio
veoma kratko,
veoma kratko,
06:47
but who reinforced his belief that recovery
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ali koji je je vjerovao još više
da ozdravljenje
da ozdravljenje
06:49
was not only possible but inevitable,
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nije bilo samo moguće već
neminovno,
neminovno,
06:51
and during a devastating period of relapse
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i koji je tokom razarajućeg povratka
06:53
told my terrified family, "Don't give up hope.
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rekao je mojoj prestrašenoj
porodici: "Ne gubite nadu.
porodici: "Ne gubite nadu.
06:56
I believe that Eleanor can get through this.
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Uvjeren sam da će Eleanor prevazići ovo.
06:59
Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May,
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Ponekad, znate, pada snijeg do maja,
07:02
but summer always comes eventually."
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ali se ljeto uvijek završava
dolaskom."
dolaskom."
07:06
Fourteen minutes is not enough time
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14 minuta nije bilo dovoljno
07:07
to fully credit those good and generous people
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da se skroz zahvalim tim dobrim i
predusretljivim osobama
predusretljivim osobama
07:10
who fought with me and for me
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koji su se borili sa mnom i
za mene
za mene
07:12
and who waited to welcome me back
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i koji su čekali da me ugoste
na povratku
na povratku
07:14
from that agonized, lonely place.
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iz tog slamajućeg i usamljeničkog
mjesta.
mjesta.
07:17
But together, they forged a blend of courage,
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Ali zajedno, oni su kreirali mješavinu
hrabrosti,
hrabrosti,
07:19
creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief
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kreativnosti, integriteta i nepokolebljive
vjere
vjere
07:22
that my shattered self could become healed and whole.
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u ozdravljenju i spajanju mene
slomljene na dijelove.
slomljene na dijelove.
07:26
I used to say that these people saved me,
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Imala sam naviku da kažem da su
me ti ljudi spasli,
me ti ljudi spasli,
07:28
but what I now know is they did something
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ali ono što znam sada je da su
oni učinili nešto
oni učinili nešto
07:30
even more important in that they empowered me
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mnogo važnije u smislu mogućnosti
07:32
to save myself,
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da me sačuvaju,
07:34
and crucially, they helped me to understand something
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i na čvrst način su mi pomogli
da shvatim nešto
da shvatim nešto
07:36
which I'd always suspected:
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u šta sam uvjiek sumnjala:
07:38
that my voices were a meaningful response
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da su moji glasovi bili neki
značajni odgovor
značajni odgovor
07:40
to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events,
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na traumatične događaje u mom
životu, posebno događaje iz detinjstva,
životu, posebno događaje iz detinjstva,
07:43
and as such were not my enemies
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i čak iako oni nisu bili
moji neprijatelji,
moji neprijatelji,
07:45
but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.
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već neki izvor prosvetljenja, od
razoravajućih emocionalnih problema.
razoravajućih emocionalnih problema.
07:50
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
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Na početku, bilo je teško povjerovati,
07:53
not least because the voices appeared so hostile
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posebno jer su se glasovi pojavljivali
toliko oholo i prijeteće,
toliko oholo i prijeteće,
07:55
and menacing, so in this respect, a vital first step
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takođe prva vitalna etapa
07:59
was learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning
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bila je shvatanje da treba izbaciti
metaforički osjećaj
metaforički osjećaj
08:01
from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth.
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onoga što sam interpretirala
ranije kao bukvalnu istinu.
ranije kao bukvalnu istinu.
08:05
So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home
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Na primjer, kada su glasovi pretili
da će napasti moju kuću
da će napasti moju kuću
08:08
I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear
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naučila sam da ih interpretiram kao
sopstveni osjećaj straha
sopstveni osjećaj straha
08:11
and insecurity in the world, rather than an actual, objective danger.
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i nesigurnosti, posebno kao
istinsku nevolju i cilj.
istinsku nevolju i cilj.
08:15
Now at first, I would have believed them.
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Na početku sam i vjerovala.
08:17
I remember, for example, sitting up one night
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Sjećam se, na primjer, jedne noći
08:18
on guard outside my parents' room to protect them
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sam digla gard ispred sobe svojih
roditelja, kako bih ih zaštitila
roditelja, kako bih ih zaštitila
08:21
from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices.
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od onoga što sam vjerovala da je
istinska prijetnja glasova.
istinska prijetnja glasova.
08:24
Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury
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2514
Kada sam imala toliko problema sa
samopovrijeđivanjem,
samopovrijeđivanjem,
08:27
that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden,
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najveći deo kućnog posuđa je bio sakriven,
08:29
so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork,
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povrijeđivala sam se plastičnim
vilicama,
vilicama,
08:32
kind of like picnic ware, and sort of sat outside the room
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opremom za roštilj, ostala sam
ispred sobe,
ispred sobe,
08:34
clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen.
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dobro naoružana, spremna da krenem
u akciju u slučaju da pokušaju nešto.
u akciju u slučaju da pokušaju nešto.
08:38
It was like, "Don't mess with me.
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U stilu: "Čuvajte se.
08:40
I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?"
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Imam plastičnu vilicu!"
08:43
Strategic.
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Strateški.
08:44
But a later response, and much more useful,
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2606
Ali kasniji odgovor, dosta korisniji,
08:47
would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words,
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4419
bio je da pokušam da dešifrujem
poruku koja se krije iza riječi,
poruku koja se krije iza riječi,
08:51
so when the voices warned me not to leave the house,
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onaj,kada su me glasovi
upozoravali da ne izlazim iz kuće,
upozoravali da ne izlazim iz kuće,
08:54
then I would thank them for drawing my attention
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mogla sam da im zahvalim što
mi je pažnju privukao
mi je pažnju privukao
08:56
to how unsafe I felt --
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ogroman osjećaj nesigurnosti -
08:57
because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it --
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2893
jer da sam ga bila svjesna,
mogla sam učiniti nešto pozitivno -
mogla sam učiniti nešto pozitivno -
09:00
but go on to reassure both them and myself
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2487
nastavljajući da ih podstičem,
oni i ja,
oni i ja,
09:03
that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.
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da smo bili na sigurnom i da nismo imali
potrebe da se osećamo prestrašenima.
potrebe da se osećamo prestrašenima.
09:06
I would set boundaries for the voices,
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Ja sam sama postavila
granice glasovima,
granice glasovima,
09:08
and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive
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2250
i počela sam da sarađujem
sa sigurnošću
sa sigurnošću
09:10
yet respectful, establishing a slow process
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ostajući respektabilna,
podešavajući sporu brzinu
podešavajući sporu brzinu
09:13
of communication and collaboration
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komunikacije i saradnje
09:15
in which we could learn to work together and support one another.
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u kojoj smo mogli da naučimo da radimo
zajedno i da pomažemo jedni drugima.
zajedno i da pomažemo jedni drugima.
09:18
Throughout all of this, what I would ultimately realize
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Povodom svega toga, ono što
sam konačno shvatila,
sam konačno shvatila,
09:21
was that each voice was closely related
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2147
je da svaki glas je bio lično povezan
09:23
to aspects of myself, and that each of them
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sa aspektima moje ličnosti,
i da svaki od njih
i da svaki od njih
09:25
carried overwhelming emotions that I'd never had
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2047
je prikazivao razarajuće osjećaje
koje nikada nisam imala mogućnosti
koje nikada nisam imala mogućnosti
09:27
an opportunity to process or resolve,
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da shvatim i prihvatim,
09:30
memories of sexual trauma and abuse,
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2560
sećanja trauma i seksualnih
uznemiravanja,
uznemiravanja,
09:32
of anger, shame, guilt, low self-worth.
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2911
bijesa, stida, krivice, manjka
vjere u sebe.
vjere u sebe.
09:35
The voices took the place of this pain
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2500
Glasovi su preuzeli ulogu te
patnje,
patnje,
09:38
and gave words to it,
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1487
i dali joj riječi.
09:39
and possibly one of the greatest revelations
219
567651
1839
Jedno od najvećih otkrića bez
sumnje bio je
sumnje bio je
09:41
was when I realized that the most hostile and aggressive voices
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premda sam shvatila da su glasovi bili
sve okrutniji i agresivniji,
sve okrutniji i agresivniji,
09:44
actually represented the parts of me
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1747
predstavljajući dijelove mene,
09:46
that had been hurt most profoundly,
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koji su imali duboke rane,
09:48
and as such, it was these voices
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2152
i pri tom su ti glasovi koji
09:50
that needed to be shown the greatest compassion and care.
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su imali potrebu da se manifestuju
kao najsamilosniji i najpažljiviji.
kao najsamilosniji i najpažljiviji.
09:53
It was armed with this knowledge that ultimately
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Treba napomjenuti da sam završila
09:56
I would gather together my shattered self,
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sa skupljanjem svojih dijelova,
09:59
each fragment represented by a different voice,
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svaki fragment je predstavljen
različitim glasom
različitim glasom
10:01
gradually withdraw from all my medication,
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koji sam odvajala pomalo od
svojih lijekova,
svojih lijekova,
10:03
and return to psychiatry, only this time from the other side.
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i vratila sam se psihijatru, ali ovaj put
sa druge strane granice.
sa druge strane granice.
10:08
Ten years after the voice first came, I finally graduated,
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10 godina nakon pojavljivanja glasova,
konačno sam dobila diplomu
konačno sam dobila diplomu
10:12
this time with the highest degree in psychology
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ovaj put sa najvišom ocjenom
iz psihologije
iz psihologije
10:14
the university had ever given, and one year later,
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koju je fakultet ikada dao,
i godinu dana kasnije,
i godinu dana kasnije,
10:16
the highest masters, which shall we say
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najviši master, koji, recimo,
10:18
isn't bad for a madwoman.
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nije tako loš za ludaču.
10:20
In fact, one of the voices actually dictated the answers
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Zapravo, jedan od glasova mi je
diktirao odgovore tokom ispita
diktirao odgovore tokom ispita
10:22
during the exam, which technically possibly counts as cheating.
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što se tehnički to može
smatrati varanjem.
smatrati varanjem.
10:25
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:27
And to be honest, sometimes I quite enjoyed their attention as well.
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I da budem iskrena, prijala mi je
njihova pažnja.
njihova pažnja.
10:30
As Oscar Wilde has said, the only thing worse
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Kao što je rekao Oscar Wilde:
Postoji samo jedna stvar na svijetu
Postoji samo jedna stvar na svijetu
10:31
than being talked about is not being talked about.
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koja je gora od toga da budete meta
tračeva, je da to uopšte ne budete.
tračeva, je da to uopšte ne budete.
10:34
It also makes you very good at eavesdropping,
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10:36
because you can listen to two conversations simultaneously.
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To vam takođe pomaže da budete
dobri u špijuniranju,
dobri u špijuniranju,
10:39
So it's not all bad.
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jer možete slušati dva razgovora
paralelno.
paralelno.
10:41
I worked in mental health services,
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Radila sam u službi mentalnog zdravlja,
10:42
I spoke at conferences,
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Držala sam govor na konferencijama,
10:45
I published book chapters and academic articles,
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Objavljivala sam paragrafe u
knjigama i naučne članke
knjigama i naučne članke
10:47
and I argued, and continue to do so,
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imala sam podršku i nastavila
sam da radim
sam da radim
10:50
the relevance of the following concept:
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na važnosti sljedećeg koncepta:
10:52
that an important question in psychiatry
249
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2252
jedno od važnih pitanja u
psihijatriji
psihijatriji
10:54
shouldn't be what's wrong with you
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1543
ne bi trebalo da bude šta ne valja
kod vas
kod vas
10:56
but rather what's happened to you.
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već više šta vam se dešava.
10:58
And all the while, I listened to my voices,
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Tokom svog tog vremena, slušala sam
svoje glasove,
svoje glasove,
11:01
with whom I'd finally learned to live with peace and respect
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sa kojima sam konačno naučila da
živim u miru i sa poštovanjem
živim u miru i sa poštovanjem
11:04
and which in turn reflected a growing sense
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652432
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i koji su u zamenu toga predstavljali
mi nadolazeća osjećanja
mi nadolazeća osjećanja
11:06
of compassion, acceptance and respect towards myself.
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654828
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samilosti, prihvatanja i poštovanja prema
sebi samoj.
sebi samoj.
11:10
And I remember the most moving and extraordinary moment
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Sjećam se tog emotivnog i neobičnog
osjećanja
osjećanja
11:13
when supporting another young woman who was terrorized by her voices,
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kada sam podržavala drugu mladu
ženu, mučenuo svojim glasovima
ženu, mučenuo svojim glasovima
11:16
and becoming fully aware, for the very first time,
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664579
2599
gde sam postala totalno svjesna
po prvi prvcati put
po prvi prvcati put
11:19
that I no longer felt that way myself
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da se nisam osjećala usamljeno
11:21
but was finally able to help someone else who was.
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već da sam konačno bila sposobna da
pomognem nekome u takvoj situaciji.
pomognem nekome u takvoj situaciji.
11:25
I'm now very proud to be a part of Intervoice,
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Danas sam veoma ponosna da
učestvujem u"Intervoice"-u,
učestvujem u"Intervoice"-u,
11:29
the organizational body of the International Hearing Voices Movement,
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internacionalnoj organizaciji pokreta
"Hearing Voices"
"Hearing Voices"
11:33
an initiative inspired by the work of Professor Marius Romme
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681115
3383
inicijative inspirisane poslovima
profesora Marius Rommea
profesora Marius Rommea
11:36
and Dr. Sandra Escher,
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1252
i doktora Sandre Escher,
11:37
which locates voice hearing as a survival strategy,
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685750
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koji pojavljivanje glasova tretira
kao stategiju preživljavanja,
kao stategiju preživljavanja,
11:40
a sane reaction to insane circumstances,
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kao zdravu reakciju na lude pojave,
11:44
not as an aberrant symptom of schizophrenia to be endured,
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3659
ne kao čudan simtom šizofrenije
koji se mora liječiti,
koji se mora liječiti,
11:47
but a complex, significant and meaningful experience
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već kao kompleksno iskustvo,
važno i posebno,
važno i posebno,
11:51
to be explored.
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koje se mora istražiti.
11:53
Together, we envisage and enact a society
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Zajedno, mi otkrivamo i označavamo društvo
11:55
that understands and respects voice hearing,
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2477
koje shvata i poštuje one koji
čuju glasove,
čuju glasove,
11:58
supports the needs of individuals who hear voices,
272
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2313
koji preuzimaju svoje potrebe,
12:00
and which values them as full citizens.
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3373
i koji ih smatraju stanovnicima
cijele zajednice.
cijele zajednice.
12:04
This type of society is not only possible,
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2286
Taj tip društva nije samo moguć,
12:06
it's already on its way.
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2012
već se uveliko stvara.
12:08
To paraphrase Chavez, once social change begins,
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3794
Parafraziraću Chavez-a, jednom
kada društvena promjena počne,
kada društvena promjena počne,
12:12
it cannot be reversed.
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2092
ne može se preokrenuti.
12:14
You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.
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3227
Ne možemo poniziti osoba
koja se osjeća ponosno.
koja se osjeća ponosno.
12:17
You cannot oppress the people
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1791
Ne možemo suzbiti ljude
12:19
who are not afraid anymore.
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koji nemaju straha.
12:21
For me, the achievements of the Hearing Voices Movement
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729691
2559
Po mom mišljenju, realizacija
pokreta "Hearing Voices"
pokreta "Hearing Voices"
12:24
are a reminder that empathy, fellowship,
282
732250
2519
podsjeća nas da empatija,
prijateljstvo,
prijateljstvo,
12:26
justice and respect are more than words;
283
734769
2744
pravda i poštovanje su više
od riječi;
od riječi;
12:29
they are convictions and beliefs,
284
737513
2611
to su ubijeđenja i vjerovanja,
12:32
and that beliefs can change the world.
285
740124
2486
i da uvjerenja mogu promeniti
svijet.
svijet.
12:34
In the last 20 years, the Hearing Voices Movement
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Tokom posljednjih 20 godina,
pokret "Hearing Voices"
pokret "Hearing Voices"
12:37
has established hearing voices networks
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stvorio je mrežu slušalaca
12:39
in 26 countries across five continents,
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u 26 zemalja, na 5 kontinenata,
12:42
working together to promote dignity, solidarity
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radeći zajedno kako bi promovisali
dostojanstvo, solidarnost
dostojanstvo, solidarnost
12:45
and empowerment for individuals in mental distress,
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i autonomizaciju osoba sa
mentalnim poremećajem,
mentalnim poremećajem,
12:49
to create a new language and practice of hope,
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i kako bi stvorili novi jezik i
novu praksu nade,
novu praksu nade,
12:52
which, at its very center, lies an unshakable belief
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u centru u kome se nalazi
stabilna vera,
stabilna vera,
12:56
in the power of the individual.
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u snazi individue.
12:59
As Peter Levine has said, the human animal
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Kao što je Peter Levine rekao,
ljudska životinja
ljudska životinja
13:02
is a unique being
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je jedinstveno biće
13:03
endowed with an instinctual capacity to heal
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sa instiktivnim kapacitetom
da se bori,
da se bori,
13:07
and the intellectual spirit to harness this innate capacity.
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i sa neophodnom intelektualnom snagom
za iskazivanje tog unutarnjeg kapaciteta.
za iskazivanje tog unutarnjeg kapaciteta.
13:11
In this respect, for members of society,
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U tom smislu, za članove jednog
društva,
društva,
13:13
there is no greater honor or privilege
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ne postoji veća čast ili privliegija,
13:16
than facilitating that process of healing for someone,
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od olakšanja nečijeg procesa
ozdravljenja,
ozdravljenja,
13:18
to bear witness, to reach out a hand,
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da mu se ispovedi, da
ga podrži,
ga podrži,
13:21
to share the burden of someone's suffering,
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podijeli bol od koje osoba
pati,
pati,
13:24
and to hold the hope for their recovery.
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i pruži mu nadu za ozdravljenje.
13:27
And likewise, for survivors of distress and adversity,
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takođe, za one koji su preživjeli
poremećaj i nedaće
poremećaj i nedaće
13:29
that we remember we don't have to live our lives
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setimo se da nismo u obavezi
da živimo živote
da živimo živote
13:32
forever defined by the damaging things that have happened to us.
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zauvjek određen destruktivnim
stvarima koje nam se dešavaju.
stvarima koje nam se dešavaju.
13:36
We are unique. We are irreplaceable.
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Jedinstveni smo. Nezamenljivi.
13:38
What lies within us can never be truly colonized,
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Ono što se nalazi u nama ne bi
se moglo nikada kolonizovati,
se moglo nikada kolonizovati,
13:41
contorted, or taken away.
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deformisati ili oduzeti.
13:43
The light never goes out.
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Svjetlo je uvijek na kraju
tunela.
tunela.
13:47
As a very wonderful doctor once said to me,
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Kao što mi je jedan sjajan
doktor rekao jednom prilikom,
doktor rekao jednom prilikom,
13:49
"Don't tell me what other people have told you about yourself.
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"Ne govorite mi šta su drugi rekli o vama.
13:53
Tell me about you."
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Pričajte mi o sebi."
13:56
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
13:58
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologistEleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.”
Why you should listen
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
More profile about the speakerLongden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
Eleanor Longden | Speaker | TED.com