ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.”

Why you should listen
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
 
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
More profile about the speaker
Eleanor Longden | Speaker | TED.com
TED2013

Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head

艾蓮娜.朗登 (Eleanor Longden): 在我頭腦中的各種聲音

Filmed:
4,913,445 views

無論從哪方面來看,艾蓮娜.朗登都和其他的學生一樣,興高采烈地大步邁向大學校園,一點也不關心世界上發生的大小事,直到頭腦中出現各種聲音開始對她說話的那一刻。一開始語氣平順,後來這些內在評論員漸漸變得充滿敵意、蠻橫獨斷,讓她的生活變成了活生生的惡夢。被診斷為精神分裂症患者、服用藥物後,最後朗登被不知道該如何協助她的體制遺棄了。在此,朗登與我們分享這個動人故事,敘述她長達數年重拾心理健康的旅程,並且告訴我們,一直到透過學習傾聽那些聲音,才讓她得以倖存。
- Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
The day I left home for the first time
0
934
1857
我第一次離家去唸大學的那一天
00:14
to go to university大學 was a bright day
1
2791
2181
是個風光明媚的日子,
前途樂觀,充滿希望。
00:16
brimming充滿 with hope希望 and optimism樂觀.
2
4972
2544
00:19
I'd doneDONE well at school學校. Expectations期望 for me were high,
3
7516
2947
當時我在學校表現不錯,
大家對我的期望都很高。
00:22
and I gleefully興高采烈地 entered進入 the student學生 life
4
10463
2175
於是我興高采烈地開始了我的校園生活,
00:24
of lectures講座, parties派對 and traffic交通 cone錐體 theft盜竊.
5
12638
3599
上課、參加派對、偷交通錐。
當然事情不能只看表面,
00:28
Now appearances出場, of course課程, can be deceptive騙人的,
6
16237
2677
00:30
and to an extent程度, this feisty易怒的, energetic有活力 persona人物
7
18914
3115
某種程度上來說,上課和偷交通錐,
00:34
of lecture-going演講持續 and traffic交通 cone錐體 stealing偷竊行為 was a veneer單板,
8
22029
3155
這樣好強活躍的形象是一種偽裝,
00:37
albeit儘管 a very well-crafted精心設計的 and convincing使人信服 one.
9
25184
3039
儘管技巧非常高超又有說服力。
00:40
Underneath, I was actually其實 deeply unhappy不快樂, insecure不安全
10
28223
3426
其實我內心非常憂鬱不安,
00:43
and fundamentally從根本上 frightened受驚 --
11
31649
2214
骨子裡非常害怕,
00:45
frightened受驚 of other people, of the future未來, of failure失敗
12
33863
3623
對其他人、未來、
可能面臨的失敗,
00:49
and of the emptiness空虛 that I felt was within me.
13
37486
2353
及內心的空虛感,都感到害怕。
00:51
But I was skilled技能的 at hiding it, and from the outside
14
39839
2456
但我隱藏得很好,外表看起來
00:54
appeared出現 to be someone有人 with everything to hope希望 for
15
42295
2187
就像是對一切都充滿希望、
00:56
and aspire立志 to.
16
44482
1514
胸懷大志,
00:57
This fantasy幻想 of invulnerability刀槍不入 was so complete完成
17
45996
3206
這種刀槍不入的幻想太真實,
01:01
that I even deceived被騙 myself,
18
49202
1712
我甚至信以為真。
01:02
and as the first semester學期 ended結束 and the second第二 began開始,
19
50914
2542
在上學期結束,第二學期開始時,
01:05
there was no way that anyone任何人 could have predicted預料到的
20
53456
2538
沒人預料的到
01:07
what was just about to happen發生.
21
55994
2623
將會發生什麼事。
01:10
I was leaving離開 a seminar研討會 when it started開始,
22
58617
3133
當研討會開始,我就離開,
01:13
humming低唱 to myself, fumbling摸索 with my bag
23
61750
2161
哼著歌,一邊收拾東西,
01:15
just as I'd doneDONE a hundred times before,
24
63911
2423
就像已經預演了一百遍,
01:18
when suddenly突然 I heard聽說 a voice語音 calmly平心靜氣 observe,
25
66334
2476
突然間,我聽見有個聲音冷靜地說:
01:20
"She is leaving離開 the room房間."
26
68810
2192
「她正要離開房間。」
01:23
I looked看著 around, and there was no one there,
27
71002
1415
我環顧四周,卻沒半個人影,
01:24
but the clarity明晰 and decisiveness決斷 of the comment評論
28
72417
2674
但那聲音清楚明確,
01:27
was unmistakable明白的.
29
75091
1844
不可能聽錯。
01:28
Shaken動搖, I left my books圖書 on the stairs樓梯 and hurried慌忙 home,
30
76935
2610
我嚇到了,把書留在樓梯上就衝回家,
01:31
and there it was again.
31
79545
1273
但那聲音又出現了:
01:32
"She is opening開盤 the door."
32
80818
2063
「她正在開門。」
01:34
This was the beginning開始. The voice語音 had arrived到達.
33
82881
3972
這就是事情的開端,聲音不斷在耳邊環繞,
01:38
And the voice語音 persisted堅持,
34
86853
2247
聲音不斷地持續著,
01:41
days and then weeks of it, on and on,
35
89100
2465
一連好幾天,持續好幾周,揮之不去,
01:43
narrating話外音 everything I did in the third第三 person.
36
91565
2179
以旁觀者的口吻描述我做的每一件事:
01:45
"She is going to the library圖書館."
37
93744
1742
「她正要去圖書館。」
01:47
"She is going to a lecture演講."
38
95486
1595
「她正要去上課。」
01:49
It was neutral中性, impassive冷漠 and even, after a while,
39
97081
3336
一開始語氣平穩不帶感情,一陣子之後,
01:52
strangely奇怪 companionate夥伴式 and reassuring令人欣慰,
40
100417
2582
卻莫名溫暖又安撫人心。
01:54
although雖然 I did notice注意 that its calm冷靜 exterior外觀 sometimes有時 slipped下滑
41
102999
3441
雖然我確實發現,冷靜的外表有時悄悄溜走
01:58
and that it occasionally偶爾 mirrored鏡像 my own擁有 unexpressed未表達 emotion情感.
42
106440
3101
偶爾反映我內在隱藏的情緒。
02:01
So, for example, if I was angry憤怒 and had to hide隱藏 it,
43
109541
2612
所以舉例來說,如果我很憤怒但必須藏著怒氣,
02:04
which哪一個 I often經常 did, being存在 very adept拿手 at concealing隱瞞 how I really felt,
44
112153
3366
我常常這麼做,當我隱藏真正的感受,
02:07
then the voice語音 would sound聲音 frustrated受挫.
45
115519
2337
那個聲音就會聽起來很挫折。
02:09
Otherwise除此以外, it was neither也不 sinister險惡 nor也不 disturbing煩擾的,
46
117856
2813
不然它聽起來沒有惡意,也不煩人,
02:12
although雖然 even at that point it was clear明確
47
120669
2110
雖然即使在那當下聲音很清晰,
02:14
that it had something to communicate通信 to me
48
122779
1826
它要告訴我某些關於我情緒的東西,
02:16
about my emotions情緒, particularly尤其 emotions情緒
49
124605
2569
尤其是那些情緒
02:19
which哪一個 were remote遠程 and inaccessible人跡罕至.
50
127174
3086
遙不可及。
就在那個當下,我犯了致命的錯誤,
02:22
Now it was then that I made製作 a fatal致命 mistake錯誤,
51
130260
3123
02:25
in that I told a friend朋友 about the voice語音, and she was horrified嚇壞了.
52
133383
3203
我跟一個朋友提起這個聲音,她嚇壞了。
02:28
A subtle微妙 conditioning空調 process處理 had begun開始,
53
136586
2245
一種隱而不顯的氛圍開始形成,
02:30
the implication意義 that normal正常 people don't hear voices聲音
54
138831
3689
暗示我正常人不會聽到各式各樣的聲音,
02:34
and the fact事實 that I did meant意味著 that something was very seriously認真地 wrong錯誤.
55
142520
3353
一定是哪裡出了大問題。
02:37
Such這樣 fear恐懼 and mistrust不信任 was infectious傳染病.
56
145873
3393
這種害怕和懷疑是會傳染的。
02:41
Suddenly突然 the voice語音 didn't seem似乎 quite相當 so benign良性 anymore,
57
149266
3065
突然間,這個聲音聽起來不再那麼和善了,
02:44
and when she insisted堅持 that I seek尋求 medical attention注意,
58
152331
2112
當她堅持我應該尋求治療,
02:46
I duly適時地 complied編譯過, and which哪一個 proved證實 to be
59
154443
2460
我百分之百的服從了,這也成了
02:48
mistake錯誤 number two.
60
156903
1747
我犯的第二個錯誤。
02:50
I spent花費 some time telling告訴 the college學院 G.P.
61
158650
2146
我花了一些時間向校醫說明
02:52
about what I perceived感知 to be the real真實 problem問題:
62
160796
2169
我認為真正的問題可能出在哪:
02:54
anxiety焦慮, low self-worth自我價值, fears恐懼 about the future未來,
63
162965
2902
焦慮、自卑、對未來感到恐懼,
02:57
and was met會見 with bored無聊 indifference漠不關心
64
165867
1773
他看起來覺得無趣又冷淡,
02:59
until直到 I mentioned提到 the voice語音,
65
167640
1794
直到我提到那個聲音,
03:01
upon which哪一個 he dropped下降 his pen鋼筆, swung揮動 round回合
66
169434
1951
他放下筆,突然轉身,
03:03
and began開始 to question me with a show顯示 of real真實 interest利益.
67
171385
2784
露出一臉興趣的質問我。
03:06
And to be fair公平, I was desperate殊死 for interest利益 and help,
68
174169
2644
老實說,我也急著想要得到關心和協助,
03:08
and I began開始 to tell him about my strange奇怪 commentator評論員.
69
176813
2846
所以告訴他那個詭異播報員。
03:11
And I always wish希望, at this point, the voice語音 had said,
70
179659
1928
我總是希望,那個聲音當時說:
03:13
"She is digging挖掘 her own擁有 grave."
71
181587
2312
「她在自掘墳墓。」
03:15
I was referred簡稱 to a psychiatrist心理醫生, who likewise同樣
72
183899
3525
我被轉給精神科醫師,他同樣地
03:19
took a grim嚴峻 view視圖 of the voice's音色 presence存在,
73
187424
2557
用異樣的眼光看待聲音出現這件事,
03:21
subsequently後來 interpreting解讀 everything I said
74
189981
1874
後來我說的每件事都被用
03:23
through通過 a lens鏡片 of latent insanity瘋狂.
75
191855
2534
潛在精神異常的鏡片檢視著。
03:26
For example, I was part部分 of a student學生 TV電視 station
76
194389
2933
比如說,我是學生電台的一員,
03:29
that broadcast廣播 news新聞 bulletins公告 around the campus校園,
77
197322
2552
負責播報校園裡的新聞和公告,
03:31
and during an appointment約定 which哪一個 was running賽跑 very late晚了,
78
199874
2050
因此在某次聊得較晚的面談中,
03:33
I said, "I'm sorry, doctor醫生, I've got to go.
79
201924
1249
我說:「醫生,不好意思,我得離開了。
03:35
I'm reading the news新聞 at six."
80
203173
1518
我六點要播新聞。」
03:36
Now it's down on my medical records記錄 that Eleanor埃莉諾
81
204691
1443
然後我的病歷上就記錄著
03:38
has delusions妄想 that she's a television電視 news新聞 broadcaster廣播員.
82
206134
4041
艾蓮娜妄想她是電視新聞主播。
03:42
It was at this point that events事件 began開始
83
210175
3449
從那時起,這件事
03:45
to rapidly急速 overtake超過 me.
84
213624
2230
迅速地壓垮了我。
03:47
A hospital醫院 admission入場 followed其次, the first of many許多,
85
215854
2396
眾多事情中的第一件事就是接到入院通知,
03:50
a diagnosis診斷 of schizophrenia精神分裂症 came來了 next下一個,
86
218250
2912
接著是精神分裂症的診斷,
03:53
and then, worst最差 of all, a toxic有毒的, tormenting折磨 sense
87
221162
3608
然後,最糟的是,我開始
有一種像是中毒的痛苦感受,
03:56
of hopelessness絕望, humiliation屈辱 and despair絕望
88
224770
3378
我對自己和前景
04:00
about myself and my prospects前途.
89
228148
2535
感到絕望、羞恥、喪失信心。
04:02
But having been encouraged鼓勵 to see the voice語音
90
230683
2433
然而我一直被慫恿著把這個聲音看做
04:05
not as an experience經驗 but as a symptom症狀,
91
233116
2556
是一種症狀而非經驗,
04:07
my fear恐懼 and resistance抵抗性 towards it intensified愈演愈烈.
92
235672
3096
讓我的恐懼和抗拒更為強烈。
04:10
Now essentially實質上, this represented代表 taking服用
93
238768
2084
基本上,這代表了
04:12
an aggressive侵略性 stance姿態 towards my own擁有 mind心神,
94
240852
2052
對我的內心採取一種挑釁的立場,
04:14
a kind of psychic精神 civil國內 war戰爭,
95
242904
2391
就像是一種內心戰,
04:17
and in turn this caused造成 the number of voices聲音 to increase增加
96
245295
2934
結果反而讓聲音出現的次數愈來愈多,
04:20
and grow增長 progressively逐步 hostile敵對 and menacing來勢洶洶.
97
248229
3385
而且變得更有敵意也更加憤恨。
04:23
Helplessly無奈 and hopelessly絕望地, I began開始 to retreat撤退
98
251614
3480
在無助和絕望之下,我開始把自己退到
04:27
into this nightmarish噩夢 inner world世界
99
255094
2139
這個惡夢般的內心世界,
04:29
in which哪一個 the voices聲音 were destined注定 to become成為
100
257233
1908
在那裡這個聲音必然就此成為
04:31
both my persecutors迫害 and my only perceived感知 companions同伴.
101
259141
4186
迫害者,同時也是我的心靈伴侶。
04:35
They told me, for example, that if I proved證實 myself worthy值得
102
263327
3079
他們告訴我,舉例來說,
如果我證明自己值得
04:38
of their help, then they could change更改 my life
103
266406
1958
得到他們的幫助,
那麼他們可以改變我的生活,
04:40
back to how it had been,
104
268364
1406
讓它變回原來的樣子。
04:41
and a series系列 of increasingly日益 bizarre奇異的 tasks任務 was set,
105
269770
2740
然後一連串愈來愈詭異的任務就出現了,
04:44
a kind of labor勞動 of Hercules大力神.
106
272510
2025
就像是一些極艱巨的工作。
04:46
It started開始 off quite相當 small, for example,
107
274535
1961
從很小的事情開始,像是
04:48
pull out three strands of hair頭髮,
108
276496
1716
拔掉三把頭髮,
04:50
but gradually逐漸 it grew成長 more extreme極端,
109
278212
1574
但是任務逐漸變得偏激,
04:51
culminating高潮 in commands命令 to harm危害 myself,
110
279786
2337
最後要求我傷害自己。
04:54
and a particularly尤其 dramatic戲劇性 instruction指令:
111
282123
2170
最戲劇化的指令是:
04:56
"You see that tutor導師 over there?
112
284293
1713
「你有看到那邊那個助教吧?
04:58
You see that glass玻璃 of water?
113
286006
1298
你有看到那杯水吧?
04:59
Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front面前 of the other students學生們."
114
287304
2798
在其他學生面前把那杯水倒在他頭上。」
05:02
Which哪一個 I actually其實 did, and which哪一個 needless不必要 to say
115
290102
1947
我真的做了,不用說
05:04
did not endear愛戴 me to the faculty學院.
116
292049
1997
教職員並沒有因此喜歡我。
05:06
In effect影響, a vicious惡毒 cycle週期 of fear恐懼, avoidance躲避,
117
294046
4304
實際上,形成了一種由恐懼、逃避、
05:10
mistrust不信任 and misunderstanding誤解 had been established既定,
118
298350
2858
猜忌和誤解組合的惡性循環,
05:13
and this was a battle戰鬥 in which哪一個 I felt powerless無力
119
301208
2752
這種抗爭讓我感到無力,
05:15
and incapable無法 of establishing建立 any kind of peace和平 or reconciliation和解.
120
303960
4377
無法建立任何形式的平靜與和諧。
05:20
Two years年份 later後來, and the deterioration惡化 was dramatic戲劇性.
121
308337
3658
兩年後,情況突然惡化了。
05:23
By now, I had the whole整個 frenzied喪心病狂 repertoire劇目:
122
311995
3708
到現在,我有各式各樣的瘋狂劇本:
05:27
terrifying可怕的 voices聲音, grotesque奇怪的 visions願景,
123
315703
2989
恐嚇的聲音、怪異的念頭、
05:30
bizarre奇異的, intractable棘手 delusions妄想.
124
318692
2768
古怪又難搞的妄想。
05:33
My mental心理 health健康 status狀態 had been a catalyst催化劑
125
321460
2196
我的心理健康狀態變成了
05:35
for discrimination區別, verbal口頭 abuse濫用,
126
323656
2589
被歧視、謾罵、
05:38
and physical物理 and sexual有性 assault突擊,
127
326245
2155
霸凌和性侵的導火線。
05:40
and I'd been told by my psychiatrist心理醫生,
128
328400
1763
精神科醫生告訴我:
05:42
"Eleanor埃莉諾, you'd be better off with cancer癌症,
129
330163
2432
「艾蓮娜,你得了癌症還好一點,
05:44
because cancer癌症 is easier更輕鬆 to cure治愈 than schizophrenia精神分裂症."
130
332595
3753
因為癌症比精神分裂症還容易痊癒。」
05:48
I'd been diagnosed確診, drugged迷藥 and discarded丟棄,
131
336348
3392
我接受診斷、服藥、被遺棄,
05:51
and was by now so tormented折磨 by the voices聲音
132
339740
2076
當時我被那些聲音折磨到
05:53
that I attempted嘗試 to drill鑽頭 a hole in my head
133
341816
2205
想在頭上鑽一個洞,
05:56
in order訂購 to get them out.
134
344021
2856
把它們趕出我的腦袋。
05:58
Now looking back on the wreckage殘骸 and despair絕望 of those years年份,
135
346877
4101
如今回首過去那些年的碎裂和絕望,
06:02
it seems似乎 to me now as if someone有人 died死亡 in that place地點,
136
350978
3070
現在對我來說就好像有人在那裡死了,
06:06
and yet然而, someone有人 else其他 was saved保存.
137
354048
3717
然而,另一人獲救了。
06:09
A broken破碎 and haunted鬧鬼 person began開始 that journey旅程,
138
357765
3314
一個支離破碎、擔心受怕的人
展開了那趟旅程,
06:13
but the person who emerged出現 was a survivor倖存者
139
361079
2933
但那個從困境中擺脫的卻是個倖存者,
06:16
and would ultimately最終 grow增長 into the person
140
364012
2274
最終將變成我注定
06:18
I was destined注定 to be.
141
366286
2124
要成為的那個人。
06:20
Many許多 people have harmed傷害 me in my life,
142
368410
2688
在我的生命中有許多人曾傷害我,
06:23
and I remember記得 them all,
143
371098
1494
每一個我都記得,
06:24
but the memories回憶 grow增長 pale蒼白 and faint
144
372592
2801
但是這些記憶會逐漸淡去,
06:27
in comparison對照 with the people who've誰一直 helped幫助 me.
145
375393
3692
而幫助我的人們則一直存在我心裡。
06:31
The fellow同伴 survivors倖存者, the fellow同伴 voice-hearers語音聽眾,
146
379085
2620
倖存的人們、有幻聽的人們,
06:33
the comrades同志 and collaborators合作者;
147
381705
2272
我的朋友和合作夥伴;
06:35
the mother母親 who never gave up on me,
148
383977
2328
永不放棄我的母親,
06:38
who knew知道 that one day I would come back to her
149
386305
2608
她知道總有一天我會回到她身邊,
06:40
and was willing願意 to wait for me for as long as it took;
150
388913
3670
不管要花多久的時間她都願意等候我;
06:44
the doctor醫生 who only worked工作 with me for a brief簡要 time
151
392583
2537
還有雖然只有短暫幫助我的醫生,
06:47
but who reinforced加強 his belief信仰 that recovery復甦
152
395120
1954
但是他強化他的信念,讓我知道復元
06:49
was not only possible可能 but inevitable必然,
153
397074
2432
不只是可能,而是必然的。
06:51
and during a devastating破壞性的 period of relapse復發
154
399506
2403
在歷經復發的毀滅期,
06:53
told my terrified family家庭, "Don't give up hope希望.
155
401909
2900
他告訴我嚇壞了的家人:
「不要放棄希望,
06:56
I believe that Eleanor埃莉諾 can get through通過 this.
156
404809
3013
我相信艾蓮娜可以撐過來。
06:59
Sometimes有時, you know, it snows下雪 as late晚了 as May可能,
157
407822
2838
有時候,你知道,雖然五月還在下雪,
07:02
but summer夏季 always comes eventually終於."
158
410660
3426
但是夏天終究會來臨。」
07:06
Fourteen十四 minutes分鐘 is not enough足夠 time
159
414086
1854
十四分鐘不夠
07:07
to fully充分 credit信用 those good and generous慷慨 people
160
415940
2936
我一一道出這些良善、寬容的人們,
07:10
who fought戰鬥 with me and for me
161
418876
1977
他們與我併肩作戰,為我付出,
07:12
and who waited等待 to welcome歡迎 me back
162
420853
1799
等待我、歡迎我從
07:14
from that agonized苦澀, lonely孤獨 place地點.
163
422652
2499
那個痛苦又孤獨的深淵回到他們身邊。
07:17
But together一起, they forged偽造的 a blend混合 of courage勇氣,
164
425151
2137
而且他們一同化為勇氣、
07:19
creativity創造力, integrity廉正, and an unshakeable雷打不動 belief信仰
165
427288
3616
創造力、正直,以及不可動搖的信念,
07:22
that my shattered破滅 self could become成為 healed癒合 and whole整個.
166
430904
3849
讓我心煩意亂的自我能夠得到療癒,
並且合而為一。
07:26
I used to say that these people saved保存 me,
167
434753
1900
我過去常說,這些人救了我,
07:28
but what I now know is they did something
168
436653
1370
但是我現在才了解,比他們當時的幫助
07:30
even more important重要 in that they empowered授權 me
169
438023
2648
更重要的其實是他們給了我力量,
07:32
to save保存 myself,
170
440671
1622
讓我能拯救自己。
07:34
and crucially關鍵, they helped幫助 me to understand理解 something
171
442293
2514
更關鍵的是,他們幫助我了解某件
07:36
which哪一個 I'd always suspected嫌疑:
172
444807
1614
我一直無法相信的事:
07:38
that my voices聲音 were a meaningful富有意義的 response響應
173
446421
2388
我的聲音是對生活的創傷經驗
07:40
to traumatic創傷 life events事件, particularly尤其 childhood童年 events事件,
174
448809
2950
做出有意義的回應,
尤其是兒時歲月,
07:43
and as such這樣 were not my enemies敵人
175
451759
1849
因此它不是我的敵人,
07:45
but a source資源 of insight眼光 into solvable可解 emotional情緒化 problems問題.
176
453608
4752
而是一種能夠解決情緒問題的洞察力。
07:50
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
177
458360
3070
一開始這很難相信,
07:53
not least最小 because the voices聲音 appeared出現 so hostile敵對
178
461430
2374
也難以持續,因為這些聲音如此不友善,
07:55
and menacing來勢洶洶, so in this respect尊重, a vital重要 first step
179
463804
3346
又會威脅我,因為這個緣故,
非常重要的第一步
07:59
was learning學習 to separate分離 out a metaphorical隱喻 meaning含義
180
467150
2715
就是學習去將隱涵的意義
08:01
from what I'd previously先前 interpreted解讀 to be a literal文字 truth真相.
181
469865
3778
和我先前會詮釋為事實的話語區分出來。
08:05
So for example, voices聲音 which哪一個 threatened受威脅 to attack攻擊 my home
182
473643
3150
例如,這些聲音會威脅我去攻擊我的家庭,
08:08
I learned學到了 to interpret as my own擁有 sense of fear恐懼
183
476793
2729
我學著去將它詮釋為我對世界的恐懼
08:11
and insecurity不安全 in the world世界, rather than an actual實際, objective目的 danger危險.
184
479522
3658
和不安,而非將它看為真實、客觀的危險。
08:15
Now at first, I would have believed相信 them.
185
483180
2156
首先,我得先相信它們。
08:17
I remember記得, for example, sitting坐在 up one night
186
485336
1572
比如說我記得有天晚上我熬夜
08:18
on guard守衛 outside my parents'父母' room房間 to protect保護 them
187
486908
2470
守在父母門前來保護他們
08:21
from what I thought was a genuine真正 threat威脅 from the voices聲音.
188
489378
3244
不會受到我從那個聲音中得知會受到的攻擊。
08:24
Because I'd had such這樣 a bad problem問題 with self-injury自傷
189
492622
2514
因為我有嚴重的自殘問題,
08:27
that most of the cutlery刀具 in the house had been hidden,
190
495136
2441
所以家裡大部分的刀具都被藏起來了,
08:29
so I ended結束 up arming武裝 myself with a plastic塑料 fork叉子,
191
497577
2649
結果是,我用塑膠叉子武裝自己,
08:32
kind of like picnic野餐 ware器具, and sort分類 of satSAT outside the room房間
192
500226
2607
有點像是野餐用的餐具,
然後我會坐在房門外
08:34
clutching抓著 it and waiting等候 to spring彈簧 into action行動 should anything happen發生.
193
502833
3893
緊抓住它,然後等著準備隨時採取行動,
看會發生什麼事。
08:38
It was like, "Don't mess食堂 with me.
194
506726
1672
那就像是:「別煩我,
08:40
I've got a plastic塑料 fork叉子, don't you know?"
195
508398
2733
我有塑膠叉子,你不知道嗎?」
08:43
Strategic戰略.
196
511131
1480
嚴陣以待。
08:44
But a later後來 response響應, and much more useful有用,
197
512611
2606
但是後來我得到一個很有幫助的回應,
08:47
would be to try and deconstruct解構 the message信息 behind背後 the words,
198
515217
4419
那就是去解讀這些文字後面的訊息,
因此當聲音警告我不要離開房間,
08:51
so when the voices聲音 warned警告 me not to leave離開 the house,
199
519636
3021
08:54
then I would thank them for drawing畫畫 my attention注意
200
522657
2076
那麼我會感謝他們讓我注意到
08:56
to how unsafe不安全 I felt --
201
524733
1217
我感覺有多不安
08:57
because if I was aware知道的 of it, then I could do something positive about it --
202
525950
2893
──因為如果我意識到它,
我就能做比較正向的舉動──
09:00
but go on to reassure再保證 both them and myself
203
528843
2487
然後要持續向它和自己保證
09:03
that we were safe安全 and didn't need to feel frightened受驚 anymore.
204
531330
3499
我們很安全,而且再也不需要害怕了。
09:06
I would set boundaries邊界 for the voices聲音,
205
534829
1489
我會對聲音做出界線,
09:08
and try to interact相互作用 with them in a way that was assertive斷言的
206
536318
2250
試著和它們互動,用一種果斷的方式,
09:10
yet然而 respectful尊敬的, establishing建立 a slow process處理
207
538568
2745
但是尊重的,建立一種緩慢的
09:13
of communication通訊 and collaboration合作
208
541313
2356
溝通程序,
09:15
in which哪一個 we could learn學習 to work together一起 and support支持 one another另一個.
209
543669
3299
並且用我們可以學著一起互動、
彼此支持的方式合作。
09:18
Throughout始終 all of this, what I would ultimately最終 realize實現
210
546968
2381
在這整個過程中,我終於明白
09:21
was that each voice語音 was closely密切 related有關
211
549349
2147
每一個聲音都和我自己的每一面密不可分,
09:23
to aspects方面 of myself, and that each of them
212
551496
2309
而它們每一個
09:25
carried攜帶的 overwhelming壓倒 emotions情緒 that I'd never had
213
553805
2047
都承載著極端的情緒,那是我從未
09:27
an opportunity機會 to process處理 or resolve解決,
214
555852
2341
有機會去處理或解決的,
09:30
memories回憶 of sexual有性 trauma外傷 and abuse濫用,
215
558193
2560
性創傷和性侵的記憶,
09:32
of anger憤怒, shame恥辱, guilt有罪, low self-worth自我價值.
216
560753
2911
憤怒、羞恥、愧疚、自卑的記憶。
09:35
The voices聲音 took the place地點 of this pain疼痛
217
563664
2500
聲音代替了這些傷痛,
09:38
and gave words to it,
218
566164
1487
為它發言。
09:39
and possibly或者 one of the greatest最大 revelations啟示
219
567651
1839
最出乎意料的事實之一是:
09:41
was when I realized實現 that the most hostile敵對 and aggressive侵略性 voices聲音
220
569490
3000
當我了解那個最不友善和挑釁的聲音
09:44
actually其實 represented代表 the parts部分 of me
221
572490
1747
其實代表了那個部分的我
09:46
that had been hurt傷害 most profoundly深深,
222
574237
2237
曾經被重重地傷害過,
09:48
and as such這樣, it was these voices聲音
223
576474
2152
也因此這些聲音
09:50
that needed需要 to be shown顯示 the greatest最大 compassion同情 and care關心.
224
578626
3342
需要得到最深切的憐憫
和無微不至的關懷。
09:53
It was armed武裝 with this knowledge知識 that ultimately最終
225
581968
3015
帶著這樣的認知,最後
09:56
I would gather收集 together一起 my shattered破滅 self,
226
584983
2288
我就能拼湊回破碎的自我,
09:59
each fragment分段 represented代表 by a different不同 voice語音,
227
587271
2615
每一塊碎片代表一個不同的聲音。
10:01
gradually逐漸 withdraw收回 from all my medication藥物治療,
228
589886
2051
漸漸地,我停止服用藥物,
10:03
and return返回 to psychiatry精神病學, only this time from the other side.
229
591937
4688
回到精神治療,只是這一次的療程是往回走。
10:08
Ten years年份 after the voice語音 first came來了, I finally最後 graduated畢業,
230
596625
3598
在聲音首次出現的十年後,我終於畢業了,
10:12
this time with the highest最高 degree in psychology心理學
231
600223
1894
這一次我在心理學拿到最高的成績,
10:14
the university大學 had ever given特定, and one year later後來,
232
602117
2458
是這所學校前所未有的,一年後,
10:16
the highest最高 masters主人, which哪一個 shall we say
233
604575
1779
得到最高的碩士成績,我們應該說
10:18
isn't bad for a madwoman瘋女.
234
606354
1826
對一個瘋女人來說還不差。
10:20
In fact事實, one of the voices聲音 actually其實 dictated決定 the answers答案
235
608180
2409
事實上,其中一個聲音在考試中實際地
10:22
during the exam考試, which哪一個 technically技術上 possibly或者 counts計數 as cheating作弊.
236
610589
3230
告訴我答案,技術上來說可能算作弊。
10:25
(Laughter笑聲)
237
613819
1683
(笑聲)
10:27
And to be honest誠實, sometimes有時 I quite相當 enjoyed享受 their attention注意 as well.
238
615502
2734
老實說,有時候我還蠻享受他們的關注。
10:30
As Oscar奧斯卡 Wilde王爾德 has said, the only thing worse更差
239
618236
1553
王爾德曾說:「唯一比被人談論還糟的事
10:31
than being存在 talked about is not being存在 talked about.
240
619789
3131
就是根本沒人談論你。」
10:34
It also makes品牌 you very good at eavesdropping竊聽,
241
622920
2072
而且也會讓你變得很擅於偷聽,
10:36
because you can listen to two conversations對話 simultaneously同時.
242
624992
2323
因為你可以同時聽兩段對話。
10:39
So it's not all bad.
243
627315
1895
所以還是有點好處的。
10:41
I worked工作 in mental心理 health健康 services服務,
244
629210
1543
我的工作是精神健康服務,
10:42
I spoke at conferences會議,
245
630753
2369
我在會議中演講,
10:45
I published發表 book chapters and academic學術的 articles用品,
246
633122
2268
出版書籍和學術論文,
10:47
and I argued爭論, and continue繼續 to do so,
247
635390
2832
而且我抗議並且繼續這麼做,
10:50
the relevance關聯 of the following以下 concept概念:
248
638222
2244
和以下所述有關的觀念:
10:52
that an important重要 question in psychiatry精神病學
249
640466
2252
一個精神方面的重要問題
10:54
shouldn't不能 be what's wrong錯誤 with you
250
642718
1543
不應該是你出了什麼問題,
10:56
but rather what's happened發生 to you.
251
644261
2705
而應該是什麼事發生在你身上。
10:58
And all the while, I listened聽了 to my voices聲音,
252
646966
2862
一直以來,我都傾聽著我的聲音,
11:01
with whom I'd finally最後 learned學到了 to live生活 with peace和平 and respect尊重
253
649828
2604
我終於學會以和平與尊重和它共處,
11:04
and which哪一個 in turn reflected反射的 a growing生長 sense
254
652432
2396
它就會回報我,讓我更加
11:06
of compassion同情, acceptance驗收 and respect尊重 towards myself.
255
654828
3663
憐憫、認同和尊重我自己。
11:10
And I remember記得 the most moving移動 and extraordinary非凡 moment時刻
256
658491
3158
我記得最感動、特別的時刻是在
11:13
when supporting支持 another另一個 young年輕 woman女人 who was terrorized恐嚇 by her voices聲音,
257
661649
2930
當我支持另一個因為幻聽
而受到驚嚇的年輕女性,
11:16
and becoming變得 fully充分 aware知道的, for the very first time,
258
664579
2599
那是第一次我變得能夠完全意識到
11:19
that I no longer felt that way myself
259
667178
2676
我不再有同樣的感覺了,
11:21
but was finally最後 able能夠 to help someone有人 else其他 who was.
260
669854
3724
相反的是,我終於能夠
幫助其他飽受其苦的人。
11:25
I'm now very proud驕傲 to be a part部分 of IntervoiceIntervoice公司,
261
673578
3568
現在,我很榮幸能夠成為
內在聲音組織 (Intervoice) 的一員,
11:29
the organizational組織 body身體 of the International國際 Hearing聽力 Voices聲音 Movement運動,
262
677146
3969
這個組織屬於國際幻聽者支持團體
(International Hearing Voices Movement),
11:33
an initiative倡議 inspired啟發 by the work of Professor教授 Marius馬呂斯 Romme距離Romme
263
681115
3383
由馬里斯.羅蒙 (Marius Romme) 教授
11:36
and Dr博士. Sandra桑德拉 Escher埃舍爾,
264
684498
1252
以及珊卓.艾薛爾 (Sandra Escher) 博士
發起的倡議,
11:37
which哪一個 locates所處 voice語音 hearing聽力 as a survival生存 strategy戰略,
265
685750
3196
將幻聽視為一種倖存的策略,
11:40
a sane明智的 reaction反應 to insane circumstances情況,
266
688946
3366
在瘋狂的情境中做出合乎情理的反應,
11:44
not as an aberrant異常 symptom症狀 of schizophrenia精神分裂症 to be endured忍受,
267
692312
3659
並非將它視為精神分裂症
需要忍受的異常徵兆,
11:47
but a complex複雜, significant重大 and meaningful富有意義的 experience經驗
268
695971
3264
而是一種複雜、重要且有意義的經驗,
11:51
to be explored探討.
269
699235
2324
等待著被發掘。
11:53
Together一起, we envisage設想 and enact制定 a society社會
270
701559
2283
同時,我們也期待建立一個
11:55
that understands理解 and respects尊重 voice語音 hearing聽力,
271
703842
2477
能理解與尊重幻聽的社會,
11:58
supports支持 the needs需求 of individuals個人 who hear voices聲音,
272
706319
2313
支持幻聽者的需求,
12:00
and which哪一個 values them as full充分 citizens公民.
273
708632
3373
把他們視為健全的公民。
12:04
This type類型 of society社會 is not only possible可能,
274
712005
2286
這種社會的出現不只是可能,
12:06
it's already已經 on its way.
275
714291
2012
而是已經逐漸形成了。
12:08
To paraphrase意譯 Chavez查韋斯, once一旦 social社會 change更改 begins開始,
276
716303
3794
套句查維斯 (Cesar Chavez) 說過的話:
「當社會開始改變,
12:12
it cannot不能 be reversed反向的.
277
720097
2092
就無法回頭。
12:14
You cannot不能 humiliate羞辱 the person who feels感覺 pride自豪.
278
722189
3227
你無法羞辱有自尊的人;
12:17
You cannot不能 oppress壓迫 the people
279
725416
1791
你無法壓迫
12:19
who are not afraid害怕 anymore.
280
727207
2484
不再畏懼的人。」
12:21
For me, the achievements成就 of the Hearing聽力 Voices聲音 Movement運動
281
729691
2559
對我而言,幻聽者支持團體的成就是
12:24
are a reminder提醒 that empathy同情, fellowship獎學金,
282
732250
2519
提醒我們同情、夥伴、
12:26
justice正義 and respect尊重 are more than words;
283
734769
2744
正義和尊重比言語更重要;
12:29
they are convictions信念 and beliefs信仰,
284
737513
2611
它們是各樣的信念,
12:32
and that beliefs信仰 can change更改 the world世界.
285
740124
2486
而那些信念可以改變世界。
12:34
In the last 20 years年份, the Hearing聽力 Voices聲音 Movement運動
286
742610
2775
在過去的 20 年中,幻聽者支持團體
12:37
has established既定 hearing聽力 voices聲音 networks網絡
287
745385
2212
已建立了幻聽者支持網絡
(hearing voices networks),
12:39
in 26 countries國家 across橫過 five continents大陸,
288
747597
2991
遍布五大洲,26 個國家,
12:42
working加工 together一起 to promote促進 dignity尊嚴, solidarity團結
289
750588
3369
共同努力提倡尊嚴、團結,
12:45
and empowerment權力 for individuals個人 in mental心理 distress苦難,
290
753957
3066
以及為受到精神疾病所苦的人們增權,
12:49
to create創建 a new language語言 and practice實踐 of hope希望,
291
757023
3265
重新建立希望的語言和實踐,
12:52
which哪一個, at its very center中央, lies an unshakable不可動搖 belief信仰
292
760288
3944
其中的核心思想是
一種存在個體的力量中
12:56
in the power功率 of the individual個人.
293
764232
2890
不可動搖的信念。
12:59
As Peter彼得 Levine萊文 has said, the human人的 animal動物
294
767122
2921
彼得.列文 (Peter A. Levine) 曾說:
13:02
is a unique獨特 being存在
295
770043
1652
「人類是唯一
13:03
endowed天賦 with an instinctual本能 capacity容量 to heal癒合
296
771695
3374
具有療癒本能的物種,
13:07
and the intellectual知識分子 spirit精神 to harness馬俱 this innate先天 capacity容量.
297
775069
4211
而且有智能來控制
這個與生俱來的能力。」
13:11
In this respect尊重, for members會員 of society社會,
298
779280
2484
由此,我想告訴社會大眾,
13:13
there is no greater更大 honor榮譽 or privilege特權
299
781764
2493
這份榮耀和榮幸之大,
13:16
than facilitating促進 that process處理 of healing復原 for someone有人,
300
784257
2660
沒有比幫助他人痊癒、
13:18
to bear witness見證, to reach達到 out a hand,
301
786917
2946
支持、伸出援手、
13:21
to share分享 the burden負擔 of someone's誰家 suffering痛苦,
302
789863
2363
分擔他人之苦,
13:24
and to hold保持 the hope希望 for their recovery復甦.
303
792226
3074
對他們能康復的事永存希望
來得更棒了。
13:27
And likewise同樣, for survivors倖存者 of distress苦難 and adversity逆境,
304
795300
2529
同樣地,我想告訴悲傷和逆境的倖存者,
13:29
that we remember記得 we don't have to live生活 our lives生活
305
797829
2579
記得我們不需要一輩子
13:32
forever永遠 defined定義 by the damaging有害 things that have happened發生 to us.
306
800408
3712
永遠用那些曾經遭遇的苦痛來定義自己。
13:36
We are unique獨特. We are irreplaceable不可替代.
307
804120
2509
我們都是獨一無二、不可取代的。
13:38
What lies within us can never be truly colonized拓殖,
308
806629
2717
在我們體內的東西
永遠不會真正的被佔據、
13:41
contorted扭曲, or taken採取 away.
309
809346
2356
被扭曲或是被拿走。
13:43
The light never goes out.
310
811702
4098
那道光永遠不會熄滅。
13:47
As a very wonderful精彩 doctor醫生 once一旦 said to me,
311
815800
2110
曾有一位很棒的醫生對我說:
13:49
"Don't tell me what other people have told you about yourself你自己.
312
817910
3251
「不要告訴我別人怎麼說你,
13:53
Tell me about you."
313
821161
3051
跟我說說你自己。」
13:56
Thank you.
314
824212
1806
謝謝!
13:58
(Applause掌聲)
315
826018
5524
(掌聲)
Translated by Marssi Draw
Reviewed by William Choi

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.”

Why you should listen
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
 
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
More profile about the speaker
Eleanor Longden | Speaker | TED.com