ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sofia Jawed-Wessel - Sex researcher
Sofia Jawed-Wessel's teachings utilize a sex-positive and pleasure-inclusive approach to providing medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality education.

Why you should listen

Dr. Sofia Jawed-Wessel teaches and generates new knowledge in the area of public health through scientific studies. Her research has focused on understanding and improving the sexual health of women and couples as they transition into parenthood by documenting sexual behaviors, sexual function, relationship adjustment and overall sexual changes during pregnancy and after childbirth. Jawed-Wessel's teachings utilize a sex-positive and pleasure-inclusive approach to providing medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality education to undergraduate students as well as in the local Omaha, Nebraska community. She teaches graduate level courses such as Research Methods, Health Behavior Theory, and Leadership and Advocacy. Jawed-Wessel also fights for women's rights and reproductive justice. She has provided expert testimony for the Nebraska Unicameral, the Nebraska School Board of Education and the Omaha Public School Board of Education. She has successfully argued in favor of comprehensive sex education in Omaha Public Schools and fought against restrictive anti-choice legislation in Nebraska.

Jawed-Wessel is an Assistant Professor in the School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation at the University of Nebraska at Omaha (UNO) and the Associate Director of the Midlands Sexual Health Research Collaborative. She also holds a joint appointment with the Women and Gender Studies program at UNO and a courtesy appointment in the College of Public Health at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. Jawed-Wessel holds both a Master of Science in Public Health (MPH) degree and a Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) degree in Health Behavior from the School of Public Health at Indiana University Bloomington. 


More profile about the speaker
Sofia Jawed-Wessel | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxOmaha

Sofia Jawed-Wessel: The lies we tell pregnant women

Filmed:
2,444,062 views

"When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy, what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter ... that she in fact doesn't matter," says sex researcher Sofia Jawed-Wessel. In this eye-opening talk, Jawed-Wessel mines our views about pregnancy and pleasure to lay bare the relationship between women, sex and systems of power.
- Sex researcher
Sofia Jawed-Wessel's teachings utilize a sex-positive and pleasure-inclusive approach to providing medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality education. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
We're going to share
a lot of secrets today, you and I,
0
876
2935
00:15
and in doing so, I hope that we can lift
1
3835
2456
00:18
some of the shame
many of us feel about sex.
2
6315
2600
00:22
How many here have ever been
catcalled by a stranger?
3
10915
3480
00:28
Lots of women.
4
16075
1560
00:30
For me, the time I remember best
5
18521
2657
00:33
is when that stranger
was a student of mine.
6
21202
3360
00:37
He came up to me after class that night
7
25595
2936
00:40
and his words confirmed
what I already knew:
8
28555
2856
00:43
"I am so sorry, professor.
9
31435
1776
00:45
If I had known it was you,
I would never have said those things."
10
33235
3896
00:49
(Laughter)
11
37155
2296
00:51
I wasn't a person to him
until I was his professor.
12
39475
4080
00:56
This concept, called objectification,
13
44515
2576
00:59
is the foundation of sexism,
14
47115
2056
01:01
and we see it reinforced
through every aspect of our lives.
15
49195
3520
01:07
We see it in the government
16
55635
2216
01:09
that refuses to punish men
17
57875
3416
01:13
for raping women.
18
61315
1736
01:15
We see it in advertisements.
19
63075
2296
01:17
How many of you have seen an advertisement
20
65395
2008
01:19
that uses a woman's breast
to sell an entirely unrelated product?
21
67427
5368
01:26
Or movie after movie after movie
22
74515
3776
01:30
that portrays women
as only love interests?
23
78315
2880
01:34
These examples might seem
inconsequential and harmless,
24
82195
3616
01:37
but they're insidious,
25
85835
1256
01:39
slowly building into a culture
that refuses to see women as people.
26
87115
4280
01:43
We see this in the school
that sends home a 10-year-old girl
27
91955
4190
01:48
because her clothes were
a distraction to boys trying to learn,
28
96169
3642
01:51
or the government that refuses
to punish men for raping women
29
99835
5176
01:57
over and over,
30
105035
1576
01:58
or the woman who is killed
31
106635
1456
02:00
because she asked a man to stop
grinding on her on the dance floor.
32
108115
4080
02:07
Media plays a large role in perpetuating
the objectification of women.
33
115515
4760
02:13
Let's consider
the classic romantic comedy.
34
121395
2816
02:16
We're typically introduced
to two kinds of women in these movies,
35
124235
3896
02:20
two kinds of desirable women, anyway.
36
128155
2736
02:22
The first is the sexy bombshell.
37
130915
2416
02:25
This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman
with the perfect body.
38
133355
3656
02:29
Our leading man
has no trouble identifying her
39
137035
2616
02:31
and even less trouble having sex with her.
40
139675
2360
02:34
The second is our leading lady,
41
142755
1856
02:36
the beautiful but demure woman
our leading man falls in love with
42
144635
3856
02:40
despite not noticing her at first
43
148515
2136
02:42
or not liking her if he did.
44
150675
2600
02:45
The first is the slut.
45
153835
2016
02:47
She is to be consumed and forgotten.
46
155875
2016
02:49
She is much too available.
47
157915
1280
02:51
The second is desirable but modest,
48
159795
3656
02:55
and therefore worthy
of our leading man's future babies.
49
163475
3456
02:58
Marriage material.
50
166955
1200
03:00
We're actually told
that women have two roles,
51
168755
2936
03:03
but these two roles have a difficult time
existing within the same woman.
52
171715
4240
03:08
On the rare occasion
that I share with a new acquaintance
53
176555
3656
03:12
that I study sex,
54
180235
1736
03:13
if they don't end
the conversation right then,
55
181995
2376
03:16
they're usually pretty intrigued.
56
184395
2000
03:19
"Oh. Tell me more."
57
187315
1776
03:21
So I do.
58
189115
1200
03:24
"I'm really interested
in studying the sexual behaviors
59
192195
2616
03:26
of pregnant and postpartum couples."
60
194835
1776
03:28
At this point I get
a different kind of response.
61
196635
3536
03:32
(Laughter)
62
200195
1976
03:34
"Oh. Huh.
63
202195
1800
03:36
Do pregnant people even have sex?
64
204675
2200
03:40
Have you thought
about studying sexual desire
65
208075
3936
03:44
or orgasms?
66
212035
1336
03:45
That would be interesting, and sexy."
67
213395
3000
03:50
Tell me. What are the first words
that come to mind
68
218115
2536
03:52
when you picture a pregnant woman?
69
220675
1800
03:55
I asked this question
in a survey of over 500 adults,
70
223275
3416
03:58
and most responded with "belly" or "round"
71
226715
3576
04:02
and "cute."
72
230315
2040
04:05
This didn't surprise me too much.
73
233035
1616
04:06
What else do we label as cute?
74
234675
1640
04:09
Babies. Puppies. Kittens.
75
237835
2496
04:12
The elderly. Right?
76
240355
1656
04:14
(Laughter)
77
242035
1720
04:17
When we label an adult as cute, though,
78
245050
2657
04:19
we take away a lot of their intelligence,
79
247731
2480
04:22
their complexity.
80
250235
1200
04:24
We reduce them to childlike qualities.
81
252195
2480
04:27
I also asked heterosexual men
82
255555
1656
04:29
to imagine a woman that they're
partnered with is pregnant,
83
257235
3136
04:32
and then asked women
to imagine that they are pregnant,
84
260395
2776
04:35
and then tell me
the first words that come to mind
85
263195
2616
04:37
when they imagine having sex.
86
265835
2040
04:40
Most of the responses were negative.
87
268955
2080
04:44
"Gross."
88
272242
1427
04:45
"Awkward."
89
273693
1373
04:47
"Not sexy." "Odd."
90
275090
2441
04:49
"Uncomfortable."
91
277555
1200
04:51
"How?"
92
279235
1256
04:52
(Laughter)
93
280515
2000
04:55
"Not worth the trouble."
"Not worth the risk."
94
283315
3096
04:58
That last one really stuck with me.
95
286435
2000
05:01
We might think that because we divorce
pregnant women and moms from sexuality,
96
289715
4736
05:06
we are removing the constraints
of sexual objectification.
97
294475
5016
05:11
They experience less sexism. Right?
98
299515
2040
05:14
Not exactly.
99
302235
1576
05:15
What happens instead
is a different kind of objectification.
100
303835
3120
05:19
In my efforts to explain this to others,
101
307755
2256
05:22
one conversation
led to the Venus of Willendorf,
102
310035
3776
05:25
a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed
was a goddess of love and beauty,
103
313835
4816
05:30
hence the name Venus.
104
318675
1440
05:32
This theory was later revised, though,
105
320515
2136
05:34
when scholars noted
the sculptor's obvious focus
106
322675
3696
05:38
on the figurine's reproductive features:
107
326395
3416
05:41
large breasts,
considered ideal for nursing;
108
329835
3256
05:45
a round, possibly pregnant belly;
109
333115
2616
05:47
the remnants of red dye,
alluding to menstruation or birth.
110
335755
3480
05:52
They also assumed that she was
meant to be held or placed lying down
111
340555
3535
05:56
because her tiny feet
don't allow her to be freestanding.
112
344114
4377
06:00
She also had no face.
113
348515
1480
06:02
For this reason, it was assumed
that she was a representation of fertility
114
350795
4096
06:06
and not a portrait of a person.
115
354915
2856
06:09
She was an object.
116
357795
1280
06:11
In the history of her interpretation,
117
359675
1816
06:13
she went from object
of ideal beauty and love
118
361515
3136
06:16
to object of reproduction.
119
364675
1840
06:19
I think this transition speaks more
120
367355
2456
06:21
about the scholars
who have interpreted her purpose
121
369835
3776
06:25
than the actual purpose
of the figurine herself.
122
373635
4000
06:30
When a woman becomes pregnant,
123
378355
2096
06:32
she leaves the realm
of men's sexual desire
124
380475
3736
06:36
and slides into her reproductive
and child-rearing role.
125
384235
4576
06:40
In doing so, she also becomes
126
388835
2616
06:43
the property of the community,
127
391475
1776
06:45
considered very important
but only because she's pregnant. Right?
128
393275
4480
06:50
I've taken to calling this
the Willendorf effect,
129
398315
2496
06:52
and once again we see it reinforced
in many aspects of her life.
130
400835
3680
06:57
Has anyone here
ever been visibly pregnant?
131
405218
2513
06:59
(Laughter)
132
407755
1216
07:00
Yeah. Lots of you, right?
133
408995
1256
07:02
So how many of you ever had a stranger
touch your belly during pregnancy,
134
410275
4136
07:06
maybe without even asking
your permission first?
135
414435
3336
07:09
Or told what you can and cannot eat
136
417795
2736
07:12
by somebody who is not your doctor,
your medical care provider?
137
420555
3616
07:16
Or asked private questions
about your birth plan?
138
424195
2920
07:20
And then told why
those choices are all wrong?
139
428075
2800
07:23
Yeah, me too.
140
431555
1216
07:24
Or had a server refuse
to bring you a glass of wine?
141
432795
4256
07:29
This one might give you pause,
I know, but stay with me.
142
437075
2736
07:31
This is a huge secret.
143
439835
2096
07:33
It is actually safe to drink
in moderation during pregnancy.
144
441955
3920
07:38
Many of us don't know this
145
446515
1536
07:40
because doctors don't trust
pregnant women with this secret --
146
448075
3736
07:43
(Laughter)
147
451835
1760
07:49
especially if she's less educated
or a woman of color.
148
457355
4256
07:53
What this tells us is,
149
461635
1736
07:55
this Willendorf effect,
it's also classist and racist.
150
463395
4216
07:59
It's present when
the government reminds women
151
467635
5896
08:05
with every new anti-choice bill
152
473555
2656
08:08
that the contents of her uterus
are not her own,
153
476235
2856
08:11
or when an ob-gyn says,
154
479115
2056
08:13
"While it's safe
to have sex during pregnancy,
155
481195
2296
08:15
sometimes you never know.
156
483515
1336
08:16
Better safe than sorry, right?"
157
484875
1640
08:19
She's denied basic privacy
and bodily autonomy
158
487395
4256
08:23
under the guise of "be a good mother."
159
491675
2000
08:26
We don't trust her
to make her own decisions.
160
494155
2440
08:29
She's cute, remember?
161
497115
1600
08:33
When we tell women
162
501795
2296
08:36
that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.
163
504115
2936
08:39
When we tell women that sex
isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,
164
507075
4816
08:43
what we're telling her is that
her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.
165
511915
4256
08:48
So what we are telling her
is that she in fact doesn't matter,
166
516195
3296
08:51
even though the needs of her fetus
are not at odds with her own needs.
167
519515
4720
08:57
So medical providers,
168
525195
2256
08:59
such as the American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
169
527475
2976
09:02
have the opportunity to educate
about the safety of sex during pregnancy.
170
530475
4896
09:07
So what do the experts say?
171
535395
1400
09:09
ACOG actually has
no public official statement
172
537755
2496
09:12
about the safety of sex during pregnancy.
173
540275
3160
09:16
Guidance from the Mayo Clinic
is generally positive
174
544078
3013
09:19
but presented with a caveat:
175
547115
2496
09:21
"Although most women can safely
have sex throughout pregnancy,
176
549635
3151
09:24
sometimes it's best to be cautious."
177
552810
2121
09:26
Some women don't want
to have sex during pregnancy,
178
554955
3096
09:30
and that's OK.
179
558075
1256
09:31
Some women do want
to have sex during pregnancy,
180
559355
2616
09:33
and that's OK, too.
181
561995
1416
09:35
What needs to stop
is society telling women
182
563435
2656
09:38
what they can and cannot do
with their bodies.
183
566115
2320
09:41
(Applause)
184
569475
2120
09:48
Pregnant women are not faceless,
identity-less vessels of reproduction
185
576035
4656
09:52
who can't stand on their own two feet.
186
580715
2120
09:56
But the truth is, the real secret is,
187
584115
2416
09:58
we tell all women that
their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.
188
586555
4256
10:02
We refuse to even acknowledge
that women who have sex with women
189
590835
3216
10:06
or women who don't
want children even exist.
190
594075
2320
10:08
"Oh, it's just a phase ...
191
596835
1696
10:10
she just needs the right man
to come along."
192
598555
2320
10:14
Every time a woman has sex
193
602155
2336
10:16
simply because it feels good,
194
604515
1976
10:18
it is revolutionary.
195
606515
1736
10:20
She is revolutionary.
196
608275
2176
10:22
She is pushing back
against society's insistence
197
610475
2576
10:25
that she exist simply for men's pleasure
198
613075
2216
10:27
or for reproduction.
199
615315
1320
10:30
A woman who prioritizes
her sexual needs is scary,
200
618435
3976
10:34
because a woman who prioritizes
her sexual needs prioritizes herself.
201
622435
5136
10:39
(Applause)
202
627595
3776
10:43
That is a woman demanding
that she be treated as an equal.
203
631395
4416
10:47
That is a woman who insists
204
635835
1536
10:49
that you make room for her
at the table of power,
205
637395
3336
10:52
and that is the most terrifying of all
206
640755
1896
10:54
because we can't make room for her
207
642675
2816
10:57
without some of us giving up
the extra space we hold.
208
645515
3520
11:02
(Applause)
209
650835
2200
11:08
I have one last secret for you.
210
656475
1640
11:10
I am the mother of two boys
211
658955
1856
11:12
and we could use your help.
212
660835
2000
11:15
Even though my boys hear me say regularly
213
663315
4696
11:20
that it's important for men
to recognize women as equals
214
668035
3536
11:23
and they see their father modeling this,
215
671595
2536
11:26
we need what happens in the world
to reinforce what happens in our home.
216
674155
4120
11:30
This is not a men's problem
or a women's problem.
217
678595
3296
11:33
This is everyone's problem,
218
681915
1576
11:35
and we all play a role
in dismantling systems of inequality.
219
683515
4400
11:40
For starters, we have got
to stop telling women
220
688515
2616
11:43
what they can and cannot do
with their bodies.
221
691155
2416
11:45
(Applause)
222
693595
3040
11:50
This includes not treating pregnant women
like community property.
223
698235
3896
11:54
If you don't know her,
don't even ask to touch her belly.
224
702155
3696
11:57
You wouldn't anybody else.
225
705875
1696
11:59
Don't tell her
what she can and cannot eat.
226
707595
2136
12:01
Don't ask her private details
about her medical decisions.
227
709755
3016
12:04
This also includes understanding
228
712795
1896
12:06
that even if you are
personally against abortion,
229
714715
2576
12:09
you can still fight
for a woman's right to choose.
230
717315
2680
12:12
When it comes to women's equality,
the two need not oppose one another.
231
720515
3760
12:16
If you're somebody who has sex with women,
232
724995
2256
12:19
prioritize her pleasure.
233
727275
1496
12:20
If you don't know how, ask.
234
728795
2400
12:24
If you have children --
235
732075
1496
12:25
(Laughter)
236
733595
1936
12:27
have conversations about sex
as early as possible,
237
735555
3776
12:31
because kids don't look up s-e-x
in the dictionary anymore.
238
739355
4376
12:35
They look it up on the internet.
239
743755
1640
12:38
And when you're having
those conversations about sex,
240
746355
2680
12:41
don't center them on reproduction only.
241
749795
1936
12:43
People have sex for many reasons,
242
751755
1656
12:45
some because they want a baby,
243
753435
1776
12:47
but most of us have sex
because it feels good.
244
755235
2936
12:50
Admit it.
245
758195
1200
12:52
And regardless of whether
you have children or not,
246
760795
2576
12:55
support comprehensive sex education
that doesn't shame our teenagers.
247
763395
4256
12:59
(Applause)
248
767675
2680
13:08
Nothing positive comes from shaming teens
249
776155
2576
13:10
for their sexual desires, behaviors,
250
778755
2600
13:14
other than positive STD
and pregnancy tests.
251
782155
3480
13:18
Every single day,
we are all given the opportunity
252
786635
3056
13:21
to disrupt patterns of inequality.
253
789715
2720
13:24
I think we can all agree
that it's worth the trouble to do so.
254
792995
3480
13:29
Thank you.
255
797235
1216
13:30
(Applause)
256
798475
6956

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sofia Jawed-Wessel - Sex researcher
Sofia Jawed-Wessel's teachings utilize a sex-positive and pleasure-inclusive approach to providing medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality education.

Why you should listen

Dr. Sofia Jawed-Wessel teaches and generates new knowledge in the area of public health through scientific studies. Her research has focused on understanding and improving the sexual health of women and couples as they transition into parenthood by documenting sexual behaviors, sexual function, relationship adjustment and overall sexual changes during pregnancy and after childbirth. Jawed-Wessel's teachings utilize a sex-positive and pleasure-inclusive approach to providing medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality education to undergraduate students as well as in the local Omaha, Nebraska community. She teaches graduate level courses such as Research Methods, Health Behavior Theory, and Leadership and Advocacy. Jawed-Wessel also fights for women's rights and reproductive justice. She has provided expert testimony for the Nebraska Unicameral, the Nebraska School Board of Education and the Omaha Public School Board of Education. She has successfully argued in favor of comprehensive sex education in Omaha Public Schools and fought against restrictive anti-choice legislation in Nebraska.

Jawed-Wessel is an Assistant Professor in the School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation at the University of Nebraska at Omaha (UNO) and the Associate Director of the Midlands Sexual Health Research Collaborative. She also holds a joint appointment with the Women and Gender Studies program at UNO and a courtesy appointment in the College of Public Health at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. Jawed-Wessel holds both a Master of Science in Public Health (MPH) degree and a Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) degree in Health Behavior from the School of Public Health at Indiana University Bloomington. 


More profile about the speaker
Sofia Jawed-Wessel | Speaker | TED.com

Data provided by TED.

This site was created in May 2015 and the last update was on January 12, 2020. It will no longer be updated.

We are currently creating a new site called "eng.lish.video" and would be grateful if you could access it.

If you have any questions or suggestions, please feel free to write comments in your language on the contact form.

Privacy Policy

Developer's Blog

Buy Me A Coffee