TEDGlobal 2011
Pamela Meyer: How to spot a liar
Pamela Meyer: Si te identifikosh nje genjeshtar
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Cdo dite, ne jemi te genjyer nga te tjeret mesatarisht nga 10 deri ne 100 here, dhe mundesite qe ta zbulosh se eshte e tille jane gati te pamundura, delikate dhe kunder-intuitive. Pamela Meyer, autore e bestsellerit "Liespotting", e cila merret me teknikat per te zbuluar mashtrimet, tregon menyrat dhe pikat delikate te njerezve qe jane trajnuar per te gjetur mashtrimet -- edhe ajo argumenton qe ndershmeria eshte nje virtyt qe ja vlen ta ruash.
Pamela Meyer - Lie detector
Pamela Meyer thinks we’re facing a pandemic of deception, but she’s arming people with tools that can help take back the truth. Full bio
Pamela Meyer thinks we’re facing a pandemic of deception, but she’s arming people with tools that can help take back the truth. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room,
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Ok, sa per fillim nuk dua qe asnjeri nga ju ketu ne salle te filloje panikun
00:20
but it's just come to my attention
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por ja qe me ka shkuar neper mendje ideja
00:22
that the person to your right is a liar.
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qe personi ne te djathten tuaj eshte thjesht nje genjeshtar.
00:24
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
00:26
Also, the person to your left is a liar.
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Gjithashtu, edhe ai ne te majten tuaj eshte nje genjeshtar.
00:29
Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar.
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Edhe ai qe eshte ulur ne karrigen tuaj mban nje epitet te tille.
00:32
We're all liars.
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Ne te gjithe jemi genjeshtare.
00:34
What I'm going to do today
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Ajo cka une do te bej sot
00:36
is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars,
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eshte se do t`ju tregoj se pse studimet e fundit na bejne te gjitheve genjeshtare
00:39
how you can become a liespotter
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si mund te shnderrohesh ne nje kapes genjeshtrash
00:41
and why you might want to go the extra mile
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dhe pse ndoshta do ta kerkosh edhe me shume te verteten
00:44
and go from liespotting to truth seeking,
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duke kaluar nga nje kapes i genjeshtrave ne nje kerkues te vetem te te vertetes
00:47
and ultimately to trust building.
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dhe ne fund te krijosh ate qe quhet besim.
00:49
Now speaking of trust,
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Dhe per te folur rreth besimit,
00:52
ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting,"
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qekur e kam shkruar librin "Liespotting,"
00:55
no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no.
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askush sdeshiron te me takoje me personalisht, jo jo jo jo,jo.
00:58
They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."
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Ata thone "Pa problem, ta dergojme me e-mail".
01:01
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
01:03
I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks.
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Madje nuk mund as te pij nje kafe ne Starbuck.
01:07
My husband's like, "Honey, deception?
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Burri im me thote "He zemer, ndonje mashtrim?
01:09
Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"
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Ndoshta me mire do kish qene te fokusoheshe tek gatimi. Si mendon rreth gatimit te ushqimit francez?"
01:12
So before I get started, what I'm going to do
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Keshtu qe para se te filloj, ajo cfare do te bej
01:14
is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,
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eshte se do te bej te qarte synimin tim
01:17
which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.
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qe nuk eshte rreth te mesuarit te ndonje loje.
01:19
Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,
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Mashtruesit nuk jane vetem ata femijet e llastuar,
01:21
those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!
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qe ne fund te dhomes bertasin "Gotcha,Gotcha"
01:24
Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril.
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Vetulla jote menjere ngrihet. Je prekur aty ku nuk duhet.
01:27
I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying."
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Une e shikoj ate TV show "Me genje mua" ose "E di qe po me genjen".
01:30
No, liespotters are armed
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Jo, mashtruesit jane te armatosur
01:32
with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception.
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me nje dije shkencerisht te madhe si ta qendisin me se miri mashtrimin
01:35
They use it to get to the truth,
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Ata e perdorin mashtrimin per te arritur shpejt tek e verteta
01:37
and they do what mature leaders do everyday;
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dhe bejne pikerisht ate qe bejne cdo dite lideret boterore;
01:39
they have difficult conversations with difficult people,
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ata kane biseda te veshtira me njerez te veshtire
01:42
sometimes during very difficult times.
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shpesh edhe ne kohera te veshtira.
01:44
And they start up that path
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Dhe kshtu ata e fillojne kete udhetim
01:46
by accepting a core proposition,
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duke e pranuar nje propozim te rendesishem
01:48
and that proposition is the following:
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i cili eshte:
01:50
Lying is a cooperative act.
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Genjeshtra eshte nje akt bashkepunimi.
01:53
Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance.
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Mendoje pak, genjeshtra ska asnjehere fuqi, cfaredo qofte menyra e te shprehurit dhe e te folurit.
01:57
Its power emerges
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"Fuqia" e saj zbarkon
01:59
when someone else agrees to believe the lie.
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vetem kur dikush tjeter pranon per ta besuar genjeshtren.
02:01
So I know it may sound like tough love,
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E di qe mund te tingelloj si nje dashuri e veshtire,
02:03
but look, if at some point you got lied to,
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por, nese ndonjehere edhe ju keni qene pala e genjyer
02:07
it's because you agreed to get lied to.
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ka ndodhur sepse keni pranuar te jeni e tille.
02:09
Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act.
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Rregulla e pare per genjeshtren: Genjeshtra eshte veprim bashkepunimi.
02:12
Now not all lies are harmful.
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Tani, jo te gjitha genjeshtrat jane te demshme.
02:14
Sometimes we're willing participants in deception
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Ndonjehere, pa vetedije, ne jemi te gatshem te marrim pjese tek mashtrimi
02:17
for the sake of social dignity,
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per interesin e dinjitetit social,
02:20
maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret.
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vetem per arsyen qe ta ruajme sekretin, si sekret.
02:23
We say, "Nice song."
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Ne themi, " Kenge e mire."
02:25
"Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."
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"Zemer, nuk e dukesh e shendosh nen te, jo"
02:28
Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,
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Ose themi, kjo eshte e preferuara,
02:30
"You know, I just fished that email out of my spam folder.
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"E dini cfare, sapo e fshiva ate e-mail nga folderi spam.
02:33
So sorry."
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Me vjen keq."
02:36
But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception.
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Por ka edhe raste, kur ne sduam te jemi pjese ne mashtrim.
02:39
And that can have dramatic costs for us.
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Dhe kjo mund te na kushtoje ne menyre drastike.
02:42
Last year saw 997 billion dollars
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Vitin e kaluar u regjistruan 991 bilione dollare deme
02:45
in corporate fraud alone in the United States.
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vetem nga mashtrimet e korporatave ne Amerike.
02:49
That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars.
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Kjo eshte vetem nje pjesez e vogel nen nje trilion dollar.
02:51
That's seven percent of revenues.
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Kjo i bie te jete gati shtate perqind e totalit te te ardhurave.
02:53
Deception can cost billions.
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Ky eshte shembulli kur mashtrimi mund te kushtoje biliona.
02:55
Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.
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Mendoni rastin Enron, Madoff, krizen e hipotekave.
02:58
Or in the case of double agents and traitors,
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Ose ne rastin e agjenteve te dyfishte dhe tradhtare,
03:01
like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,
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si rastet e Robert Hanssen ose Aldrich Ames,
03:03
lies can betray our country,
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kur genjeshtra mund edhe ta tradhtoje shtetin tone
03:05
they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy,
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mund ta kompromentoje sigurine dhe mund ta minoje zhvillimin e demokracise,
03:08
they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.
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ato mund te shkaktojne vdekjen e atyre qe na mbrojne
03:11
Deception is actually serious business.
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Mashtrimi realisht eshte nje teme serioze
03:14
This con man, Henry Oberlander,
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Ky njeri batakçi, Henry Oberlander,
03:16
he was such an effective con man
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ishte nje mashtrues efektiv me diplome.
03:18
British authorities say
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Autoritetet britaneze thone se
03:20
he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world.
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ai mund te jete njeriu i cili ka demtuar gjith sistemin bankar te botes perendimore.
03:23
And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere.
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Dhe ju nuk mund ta gjeni kete njeri ne Google, nuk mund ta gjeni ne asnje vend.
03:25
He was interviewed once, and he said the following.
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Ate e kishin intervistuar njehere, dhe kishte thene:
03:28
He said, "Look, I've got one rule."
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"Shikoni, une e kam nje rregull."
03:30
And this was Henry's rule, he said,
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Dhe ky ishte rregulli i Henrit, ai tha,
03:33
"Look, everyone is willing to give you something.
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"Shikoni, cdokush eshte i gatshem t'ju jape juve dicka.
03:35
They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for."
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Ata jane te gatshem per t'ju dhene juve dicka per cfaredolloj gjeje qe ju jeni te etur per ta patur."
03:38
And that's the crux of it.
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Dhe ky eshte thelbi.
03:40
If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know,
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Nese nuk doni te jeni te mashtruar, duhet te dini
03:42
what is it that you're hungry for?
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se per cfare ju jeni te etur?
03:44
And we all kind of hate to admit it.
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Ky eshte fakti qe na vjen inat ta pranojme.
03:47
We wish we were better husbands, better wives,
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Ne do te donim te ishim bashkeshort me te mire, gra me te mira,
03:50
smarter, more powerful,
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me te mencur, me me shume fuqi,
03:52
taller, richer --
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me te gjate, me te pasur
03:54
the list goes on.
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dhe lista vazhdon pafundesisht.
03:56
Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,
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Genjeshtra eshte nje perpjekje per ta mbushur kete zbrazetire
03:58
to connect our wishes and our fantasies
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nje menyre per ti lidhur deshirat dhe fantazite tona
04:00
about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be,
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per ate cfare do te deshironim te ishim, dhe si do te deshironim te ishim,
04:03
with what we're really like.
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me ate qe ne jemi ne te vertete.
04:06
And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.
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Dhe eshte absurde nese keto zbrazetira duam ti mbushim me shtirje e genjeshtra
04:09
On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to
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Ketyre diteve, disa studime konkluduan se ju mund te genjeheni
04:12
anywhere from 10 to 200 times.
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ne cdo vend e kohe, nga 10 deri ne 200 here.
04:14
Now granted, many of those are white lies.
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E keni te sigurt, qe shumica prej ketyre jane genjeshtra te bardha.
04:17
But in another study,
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Por ne nje studimin tjeter,
04:19
it showed that strangers lied three times
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thuhet se te huajt genjejne mbi tre here
04:21
within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.
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ne 10 minuteshin e pare te takimit te tyre.
04:23
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
04:25
Now when we first hear this data, we recoil.
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Dhe kur i degjojme per here te pare keto te dhena, ne terhiqemi.
04:28
We can't believe how prevalent lying is.
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Ne smund te besojme se sa mbizoteron kudo genjeshtra.
04:30
We're essentially against lying.
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Ne esence te gjithe jemi kunder saj.
04:32
But if you look more closely,
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Por nese shikon pak me thelle
04:34
the plot actually thickens.
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komploti vetem sa shkon e trashet.
04:36
We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers.
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Ne genjejme me shume te huajt sesa koleget tane.
04:39
Extroverts lie more than introverts.
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Njerezit me te gjalle genjejne me shume se ata qe jane me pak te socializuar.
04:43
Men lie eight times more about themselves
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Meshkujt genjejne tete here me shume per veten e tyre
04:46
than they do other people.
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sesa per te tjeret.
04:48
Women lie more to protect other people.
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Ndersa femrat genjejne me shume per te mbrojtur te tjeret.
04:51
If you're an average married couple,
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Nese ju jeni nje cift i martuar me jete mesatare,
04:54
you're going to lie to your spouse
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do ta genjeni partnerin
04:56
in one out of every 10 interactions.
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ne nje nga 10 raste te ndryshme.
04:58
Now you may think that's bad.
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Tani ju mund ta mendoni se kjo eshte dicka e gabuar.
05:00
If you're unmarried, that number drops to three.
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E ndersa jeni i pamartuar, numri shkon ne tre.
05:02
Lying's complex.
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Genjeshtra eshte e kompleksuar.
05:04
It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives.
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Ajo eshte e fabrikuar ne fabriken e perditshmerise sone, jetes private e personale.
05:07
We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.
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Ne jemi thellesit te irrituar nga ky realitet.
05:09
We parse it out on an as-needed basis,
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Genjeshtren madje e kemi futur si nje baze te nevojshme ditore,
05:11
sometimes for very good reasons,
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ndonjehere per arsye te mira,
05:13
other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives.
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e ndonjehere vetem sepse nuk i kuptojme hapesirat e jetes tone.
05:16
That's truth number two about lying.
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Kjo eshte e verteta e dyte e hidhur mbi genjeshtren.
05:18
We're against lying,
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Ne jemi kunder te genjyerit,
05:20
but we're covertly for it
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por ne menyre te fshehte jemi pro saj
05:22
in ways that our society has sanctioned
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ne menyrat te cilat shoqeria jone i ka denuar
05:24
for centuries and centuries and centuries.
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per shekuj e shekuj e shekuj me rradhe.
05:26
It's as old as breathing.
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Genjeshtra eshte aq e vjeter sa edhe frymemarrja e njerezimit.
05:28
It's part of our culture, it's part of our history.
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Eshte pjese e kultures sone, e historise sone.
05:30
Think Dante, Shakespeare,
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Mendoni Danten, Shekspirin,
05:33
the Bible, News of the World.
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Biblen, Te rejat e Botes.
05:36
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
05:38
Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.
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Genjeshtra ka nje vlere shume perparimtare per ne si qenie njerezore.
05:40
Researchers have long known
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Kerkuesit kane njohuri te medha
05:42
that the more intelligent the species,
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se sa me inteligjente te jene speciet,
05:44
the larger the neocortex,
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aq me tru te zhvilluar kane,
05:46
the more likely it is to be deceptive.
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aq me te prirur per te mashtruar e genjyer jane.
05:48
Now you might remember Koko.
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Tani ju mund te kujtoni Kokon.
05:50
Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language?
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A ka ndonjeri qe kujton Kokon, Kokoja, gorilles qe iu mesua gjuha e shenjave?
05:53
Koko was taught to communicate via sign language.
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Koko ishte trajnuar per te komunikuar me gjuhen e shenjave.
05:56
Here's Koko with her kitten.
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Ketu eshte Koko me kotelen e saj.
05:58
It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.
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Eshte kotelja e saj simpatike, plot gezof.
06:01
Koko once blamed her pet kitten
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Koko njehere ka fajesuar kotelen e saj
06:03
for ripping a sink out of the wall.
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per problemet me shkelqimin e lavamanit nga muri i saj.
06:05
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
06:07
We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack.
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Ne jemi te ster-trajnuar per te qene lideret e nje pakete.
06:09
It's starts really, really early.
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Dhe kjo fillon shume shume heret ne kohe
06:11
How early?
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Sa heret?
06:13
Well babies will fake a cry,
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Foshnjet do te shtiren kur qajne,
06:15
pause, wait to see who's coming
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do te pauzojne, te shohin se kush po shfaqet
06:17
and then go right back to crying.
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dhe me pas do te kthehen e te qajne perseri.
06:19
One-year-olds learn concealment.
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Nje vjecaret i mesojne keto fshehje mistrece.
06:21
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
06:23
Two-year-olds bluff.
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Dy vjecaret bejne blof.
06:25
Five-year-olds lie outright.
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Pese vjecaret genjejne keshtu, plotesisht troç.
06:27
They manipulate via flattery.
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Ata manipulojne me ane te shakave.
06:29
Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover up.
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Nente vjecaret jane eksperte per ti fshehur pasojat e veprimeve.
06:32
By the time you enter college,
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Ne kohen kur futesh ne shkolle te mesme
06:34
you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions.
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do ta genjesh nenen nje nga nenete rastet e mundshme.
06:37
By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners,
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Ndersa ne momentin qe ne i futemi punes se te qenurit mbajtes te familjes
06:40
we enter a world that is just cluttered
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ne futemi ne botera te ndryshme te shperndara
06:42
with spam, fake digital friends,
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me miq te shtirur dixhital,
06:44
partisan media,
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media te animeve partiake,
06:46
ingenious identity thieves,
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hajdute te zgjuar te identitetit,
06:48
world-class Ponzi schemers,
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deshtime bankare si ajo Ponzi Schemers,
06:50
a deception epidemic --
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nje mashtrim epidemik --
06:52
in short, what one author calls
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shkurtimisht, siç nje autor e quan
06:54
a post-truth society.
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nje shoqeri e post-realitetit.
06:57
It's been very confusing
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Ka qene shume konfuze
06:59
for a long time now.
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per nje kohe te gjate.
07:03
What do you do?
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Cfare ben ti?
07:05
Well there are steps we can take
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Epo, jane disa masa qe mund ti marrim
07:07
to navigate our way through the morass.
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per te ndricuar rrugen tone.
07:09
Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time.
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Detektivet e genjeshtareve jane te trajnuar dhe arrijne tek e verteta ne 90 perqind te rasteve.
07:12
The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate.
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Pjesa tjeter e jona, jemi veten 54 perqind te sakte.
07:15
Why is it so easy to learn?
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Pse eshte kaq e lehte per te mesuar?
07:17
There are good liars and there are bad liars. There are no real original liars.
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Ekzistojne genjeshtare te mire, dhe te keqinj. Por nuk ekzistojne genjeshtare origjinale.
07:20
We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques.
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Ne te gjithe bejme te njejtat gabime. Ne te gjithe perdorim te njejtat teknika.
07:23
So what I'm going to do
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Pra, ajo cka une do te bej
07:25
is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception.
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eshte se do tju tregoj dy modele te mashtrimit.
07:27
And then we're going to look at the hot spots and see if we can find them ourselves.
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Dhe me pas do ti shikojme dhe analizojme ato, dhe ti gjejme vete tiparet.
07:30
We're going to start with speech.
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Le te fillojme me fjalimin.
07:33
(Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me.
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(Video) Bill Clinton: Dua qe ju te gjithe te me degjoni.
07:35
I'm going to say this again.
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Dhe do ta them perseri
07:37
I did not have sexual relations
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Une nuk kam pasur marredhenie seksuale
07:40
with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
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me ate gruan, Zonjen Lewinsky.
07:44
I never told anybody to lie,
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Asnjehere si kam thene dikujt qe te genjej,
07:46
not a single time, never.
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asnjehere te vetme, kurre.
07:48
And these allegations are false.
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Dhe keto akuza jane te gjitha te rreme
07:51
And I need to go back to work for the American people.
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Mua me duhet ti kthehem punes per popullin amerikan
07:53
Thank you.
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Faleminderit.
07:58
Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs?
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Pamela Meyer: Ne rregull, cilat ishin shenjat prej llafazani?
08:01
Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial.
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Epo se pari degjuam se cka do te thote mohim jo-protokolar.
08:05
Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial
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Studimet tregojne se njerezit qe jane shume parashikues ne mohimet e tyre
08:08
will resort to formal rather than informal language.
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do te perdorin me shume gjuhen zyrtare sesa informale.
08:11
We also heard distancing language: "that woman."
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Gjithashtu degjuam pak edhe nga fraza distanciale " ajo grua".
08:14
We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves
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Ne e dime se genjeshtaret ne menyre jo te pergjegjshme distancojne veten
08:16
from their subject
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nga subjekti i tyre
08:18
using language as their tool.
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duke perdorur gjuhen si nje arme te forte.
08:21
Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ... "
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Tashme, nese Bill Clinton kishte thene " Epo, me ju thene te drejten..."
08:24
or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ... "
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ose te famshmit e Richard Nixon, "Me tere sinqeritetin...."
08:26
he would have been a dead giveaway
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ai do te ishte nje anashkalues i vdekur
08:28
for any liespotter than knows
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per çdo genjeshtar qe di
08:30
that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that,
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se gjuha e kualifikuar, siç quhet, nese kualifikohet ne ate menyre
08:33
further discredits the subject.
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e diskretiton me tutje temen.
08:35
Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety,
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Tani ne qoftese ai e kishte perseritur ne teresi pyetjen,
08:38
or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail --
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ose ne qoftese ai e kishte mbushur llogarine e tij me nje detaj te vogel --
08:42
and we're all really glad he didn't do that --
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dhe ne jemi te gjithe te kenaqur qe ai nuk e beri --
08:44
he would have further discredited himself.
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ai do ta kishte fshehur veten edhe me tutje.
08:46
Freud had it right.
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Frojdi kishte te drejtat e tij.
08:48
Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech:
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Frojdi ka thene, shiko, ketu ka me shume se nje fjalim:
08:51
"No mortal can keep a secret.
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"Asnje njeri i vdekshem smund te mbaje nje sekret.
08:54
If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips."
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Nese buzet nuk i flasin, ai flet me ane te gishtave."
08:57
And we all do it no matter how powerful you are.
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Dhe ne te gjithe e bejme kete, pa marre parasysh fuqine.
09:00
We all chatter with our fingertips.
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Ne te gjithe merremi vesh me ane te shenjave te gishtave
09:02
I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama
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Une do tju tregoj Dominique Strauss Kahn me Obamen
09:05
who's chattering with his fingertips.
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te cilet po merren vesh me ane te shenjave te gishtave.
09:08
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
09:11
Now this brings us to our next pattern,
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Tani kjo na con ne nje model tjeter,
09:14
which is body language.
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qe eshte gjuha e trupit.
09:17
With body language, here's what you've got to do.
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Me gjuhen e trupit, ja cfare duhet te bejme.
09:20
You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door.
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You vetem duhet te hidhni supozimet tuaj nga dera.
09:23
Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit.
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Lere shkencen qe te kete durim pak me njohurite tuaj.
09:25
Because we think liars fidget all the time.
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Sepse ne mendojme qe genjeshtaret luajne gjate gjithe kohes.
09:28
Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying.
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Epo degjojeni kete, ata jane te njohur qe te ngrijne trupat e tyre te siperm kur jane duke genjyer.
09:31
We think liars won't look you in the eyes.
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Ne mendojme se genjeshtaret nuk na shikojne ne sy.
09:34
Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much
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Epo degjoni kete, ata ju shikojne ne sy me shume sec duhet
09:36
just to compensate for that myth.
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vetem per ta kompensuar per ate mit.
09:38
We think warmth and smiles
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Ne gjithmone mendojme se ngrohtesia dhe buzeqeshja
09:40
convey honesty, sincerity.
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pecjellin sinqeritet dhe besnikeri
09:42
But a trained liespotter
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Por nje zbulues i trajnuar genjeshtrash
09:44
can spot a fake smile a mile away.
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mund ta dalloje nje buzeqeshje te shtirur me kilometra.
09:46
Can you all spot the fake smile here?
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A mundeni ju te gjithe ta identifikoni buzeqeshjen e shtirur?
09:50
You can consciously contract
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Ju me vetedije mund ti kontrolloni
09:52
the muscles in your cheeks.
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muskujt ne faqen tuaj.
09:55
But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes.
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Por buzeqeshja e vertete eshte tek syte, qendron tek syte.
09:58
They cannot be consciously contracted,
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Ata nuk mund te kontrollohen me vetedije,
10:00
especially if you overdid the Botox.
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sidomos nese ke mbiperdorur Botoks.
10:02
Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.
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Mos e mbi-perdor Botoksin, askush sdo te mendoj se je i sinqerte.
10:05
Now we're going to look at the hot spots.
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Tani do te shikojme disa spote.
10:07
Can you tell what's happening in a conversation?
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A mund te tregoni cfare po ndodh ne bisede?
10:09
Can you start to find the hot spots
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A mund te filloni ti shihni genjeshtrat
10:12
to see the discrepancies
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mosperputhjet
10:14
between someone's words and someone's actions?
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midis veprimeve dhe fjaleve te njerezve?
10:16
Now I know it seems really obvious,
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Tani e di se eshte me te vertete e dukshme
10:18
but when you're having a conversation
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por kur je buke bere bisede
10:20
with someone you suspect of deception,
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me dike per te cilin dyshon se po te mashtron,
10:23
attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.
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sjellja, deri me sot eshte indikatori me i madh i se vertetes.
10:26
An honest person is going to be cooperative.
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Nje person i ndershem do te jete bashkepunues.
10:28
They're going to show they're on your side.
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Ata do tju tregojne qe jane ne anen tuaj.
10:30
They're going to be enthusiastic.
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Ata do te jene entuziaste.
10:32
They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth.
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Ata do te shprehin gatishmeri dhe ndihme per te mberritur tek e verteta.
10:34
They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects,
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Ata do te jene te gatshem per ide, emra te dyshimte,
10:37
provide details.
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dhe te sigurojne detaje.
10:39
They're going to say, "Hey,
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Ata do te thone,"Hej,
10:41
maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks."
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ndoshta ishin ata djemte e listave te pagave qe kane harruar cekun."
10:44
They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused
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Ata do te zemerohen nese e ndjejne se po akuzohen padrejtesisht
10:47
throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes;
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pergjate tere intervistes, jo vetem ne fleshe te ndara;
10:49
they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview.
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ata do te jene te irrituar gjate tere intervistes.
10:52
And if you ask someone honest
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Nese pyet dike me sinqeritet
10:54
what should happen to whomever did forge those checks,
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cfare duhet te bejme me ata djemte e cekut,
10:57
an honest person is much more likely
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nje person i sinqerte ka shume mundesi
10:59
to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.
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te rekomandoje nje denim strikt, sesa nje te bute
11:03
Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation
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Le te themi se ju e keni po ate bisede
11:05
with someone deceptive.
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me nje mashtrues.
11:07
That person may be withdrawn,
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Ky person mund te terhiqet,
11:09
look down, lower their voice,
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te shikoje posht, ta ul zerin
11:11
pause, be kind of herky-jerky.
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te pushoje, te sillet si herky-jerky.
11:13
Ask a deceptive person to tell their story,
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Pyet nje mashtrues ta tregoje historine e tyre,
11:15
they're going to pepper it with way too much detail
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ata do ta mbushin ate me plot detaje
11:18
in all kinds of irrelevant places.
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ne disa vende te panevojshme.
11:21
And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order.
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Dhe pastaj do ta ri-tregojne historine ne nje renditje kronologjike.
11:24
And what a trained interrogator does
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Dhe ajo cfare ben nje hetues i trajnuar
11:26
is they come in and in very subtle ways
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eshte se futen ne disa skuta dhe menyra te holla
11:28
over the course of several hours,
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per disa ore te tera,
11:30
they will ask that person to tell that story backwards,
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dhe do ta pyesin ate person per ta treguar historine edhe njehere
11:33
and then they'll watch them squirm,
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dhe do te shikojne ato pershperitjet, belbezimet,
11:35
and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.
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dhe do ti bejne disa pyetje nga te cilat del perfundimi se ky eshte mashtrim.
11:38
Why do they do that? Well we all do the same thing.
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Pse e bejne ata kete gje? Epo ne te gjithe e bejme te njejten gje.
11:41
We rehearse our words,
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Ne i ushtrojme fjalet tona,
11:43
but we rarely rehearse our gestures.
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por rralle i ushtrojme edhe gjestet.
11:45
We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."
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Ne themi "Po", ne i shtrengojme duart, "Jo"
11:47
We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders.
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Ne tregojme histori shume te bindshme, dhe i levizim krahet tane.
11:50
We commit terrible crimes,
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Ne pranojme fajin per krime te renda,
11:52
and we smile at the delight in getting away with it.
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dhe buzeqeshim me kenaqesi kur largohemi prej tyre.
11:55
Now that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."
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Dhe kjo buzeqeshje quhet "kenaqesi hajvanesh".
11:58
And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward,
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Dhe ne do te shohim te tilla ne disa sekuenca te videove,
12:01
but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him,
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por ne do te fillojme - per ju te cilet nuk e njihni ate,
12:03
this is presidential candidate John Edwards
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ky eshte kanditati per president, John Edwards
12:06
who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock.
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i cili shokoi Ameriken, kur pranoi nje femije jashte martesor.
12:09
We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test.
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Ne do ta shohim ate duke folur per testin e atesise.
12:12
See now if you can spot him
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Shikojeni tani nese mund ta vereni
12:14
saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"
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ai thote "Po" , ndersa e shkund koken per "Jo"
12:16
slightly shrugging his shoulders.
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duke lekundur pak edhe krahet.
12:18
(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one.
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(Video) John Edwards: Do te isha i lumtur te merrja pjese.
12:20
I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine,
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E di qe eshte e pamundur qe ky femije te jete i imi
12:23
because of the timing of events.
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per shkak te kohes se ngjarjeve qe kane ndodhur
12:25
So I know it's not possible.
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Keshtu qe, e di qe eshte e pamundur.
12:27
Happy to take a paternity test,
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Jam i lumtur per te bere testin e atesise,
12:29
and would love to see it happen.
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dhe ta shohe ate duke ndodhur.
12:31
Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --
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Intervistuesi: A do ta beni ate se shpejti? E eshte dikush --
12:34
JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test.
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JE: Epo, Une jam vetem njeri, vetem njeri qe eshte pjese e ketij testi.
12:37
But I'm happy to participate in one.
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Por jam i lumtur te marr pjese ne nje.
12:40
PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot
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PM: Ne rregull, keto levizje te kokes jane me te lehta per ti kapur
12:42
once you know to look for them.
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nese vetem njehere i shikon me kujdes.
12:44
There're going to be times
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Do te jene disa
12:46
when someone makes one expression
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kur dikush ben nje shprehje
12:48
while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash.
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duke e fshehur tjetren qe rrjedh shpejt si nje blic
12:52
Murderers are known to leak sadness.
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Vrasesit jane te njohur per shkaktimin e pikellimit.
12:54
Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand,
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Partneri juaj i ri mund t`ju shtrengoje doren
12:56
celebrate, go out to dinner with you
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te festoje, te shkoje ne dreke me ju
12:58
and then leak an expression of anger.
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dhe pastaj te shfaqe nje ndjenje te zemerimit.
13:01
And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here,
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Asnjeri prej nesh nuk do te shnderrohet ne nje ekspert te dallimit te fytyrave, brenda nates
13:04
but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous, and it's easy to learn,
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por mund tju mesoj dicka qe eshte vertet e rrezikshme, dhe eshte e lehte per tu mesuar
13:07
and that's the expression of contempt.
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dhe kjo eshte shprehja e perbuzjes.
13:10
Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field.
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Me zemerimin, keni marre dy njerez ne te njejten fusheloje.
13:13
It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship.
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Ende kjo eshte nje marredhenie e shendetshme.
13:15
But when anger turns to contempt,
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Por kur zemerimi kthehet ne perbuzje,
13:17
you've been dismissed.
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ju jeni te mboshtur.
13:19
It's associated with moral superiority.
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Eshte e lidhur me superioritetin moral.
13:21
And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from.
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Dhe per kete arsye, eshte shume, shume i veshtire sherimi.
13:24
Here's what it looks like.
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Ja se si duket.
13:26
It's marked by one lip corner
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Eshte e shenuar nga nje qoshe
13:28
pulled up and in.
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e terhequr brenda dhe jashte.
13:30
It's the only asymmetrical expression.
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Eshte e vetmja shprehje asimetrike.
13:33
And in the presence of contempt,
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Dhe ne pranine e perbuzjes,
13:35
whether or not deception follows --
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edhe nese mashtrimi bie poshte --
13:37
and it doesn't always follow --
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dhe kjo nuk ndodh shpesh --
13:39
look the other way, go the other direction,
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shikojeni anen tjeter, shkoni ne tjetrin drejtim
13:41
reconsider the deal,
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rishqyrtojeni marreveshjen,
13:43
say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."
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thoni "Jo faleminderit. Nuk do te vij vetem per nje endje te vogel. Faleminderit"
13:47
Science has surfaced
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Shkenca ka nxjerr ne pah
13:49
many, many more indicators.
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shume, shume indikatore.
13:51
We know, for example,
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Ne e dime, pershembull
13:53
we know liars will shift their blink rate,
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qe genjeshtaret shpesh e nderrojne normen e injorimit
13:55
point their feet towards an exit.
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dhe kembet i cojne per tek dalja.
13:57
They will take barrier objects
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Ata do te marrin objekte penguese
13:59
and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them.
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duke i futur ato mes vetes dhe personit me te cilin po bejne interviste
14:02
They'll alter their vocal tone,
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Ata do te ndryshojne edhe tonin e tyre
14:04
often making their vocal tone much lower.
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shpesh duke e zvogeluar volumin.
14:07
Now here's the deal.
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Kjo eshte marreveshja.
14:09
These behaviors are just behaviors.
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Keto sjellje jane vetem sjellje.
14:12
They're not proof of deception.
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Ato nuk jane prova te nje mashtrimi.
14:14
They're red flags.
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Ato jane vetem flamur te kuq.
14:16
We're human beings.
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Ne jemi qenie njerezore
14:18
We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long.
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Ne bejme shpesh xheste mashtruese ne shume vende, tere diten.
14:21
They don't mean anything in and of themselves.
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Dhe keto xheste nuk kane nje domethenie te madhe.
14:23
But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal.
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Por kur i sheh se ata po grupohen, atehere kjo eshte shenja.
14:26
Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions,
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Shiko, degjo, heto, bej disa pyetje te veshtira,
14:29
get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing,
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dil pak prej asaj pozites komode te te njohurit,
14:32
walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions,
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por dil ne ate rrugen e kuriozitetit, bej ende pyetje,
14:35
have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport.
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ki me shume dinjitet, dhe trajtoje personin me te cilin bisedon me nje raport.
14:38
Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows
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Mos u mundo te behesh si ata tek "Ligji & Rregulli" ose si ata te programeve tjera
14:41
that pummel their subjects into submission.
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qe rrahin me grushta mendimet e tyre subjektive.
14:43
Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.
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Mos u bej fort agresiv, sepse nuk funksionon.
14:46
Now we've talked a little bit
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Dhe ja biseduam pak
14:48
about how to talk to someone who's lying
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se si te komunikosh me dike qe genjen
14:50
and how to spot a lie.
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dhe si te zbulosh nje genjeshter.
14:52
And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like.
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Dhe sic kam premtuar, tashme do te shohim se si duket e verteta.
14:55
But I'm going to show you two videos,
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Por une do tju tregoj dy video,
14:57
two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth.
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dy nena - njera po genjen, njera thote te verteten.
15:00
And these were surfaced
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Dhe te dyja kane dale ne siperfaqe
15:02
by researcher David Matsumoto in California.
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nga studiusi David Matsumoto nga Kalifornia.
15:04
And I think they're an excellent example
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Dhe mendoj se ato jane nje shembull brilant
15:06
of what the truth looks like.
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se si ne realitet zbulohet e verteta.
15:08
This mother, Diane Downs,
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Kjo nene, Diane Downs
15:10
shot her kids at close range,
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i qelloi femijet e saj nga disance te afert,
15:12
drove them to the hospital
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i dergoi ata per ne spital
15:14
while they bled all over the car,
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derisa ata po gjakosnin gjate gjithe rruges,
15:16
claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.
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duke thene se nje njeri i huaj ua kishte bere kete femijeve te saj.
15:18
And you'll see when you see the video,
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Dhe ju do ta shihni edhe ne video
15:20
she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother.
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se ajo as nuk mund te shtiret si nje nene e pikelluar.
15:22
What you want to look for here
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Cfare ju deshironi te shikoni ketu
15:24
is an incredible discrepancy
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eshte nje mosperputhje e pabesueshme
15:26
between horrific events that she describes
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midis ngjarjeve te tmerrshme qe ajo pershkruan
15:28
and her very, very cool demeanor.
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dhe sjelljes se saj shume te ftohte.
15:30
And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.
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Dhe nese shikoni me afer, do te shihni edhe nje kenaqesi dopio ne kete video
15:33
(Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes,
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(Video) Diane Downs: Naten kur i mbylla syte,
15:35
I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving,
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une pash Christin duke e zgjatur doren nderkohe qe une po i jepja makines,
15:38
and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth.
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dhe gjaku po fillonte ti dilte nga goja.
15:41
And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time --
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Dhe kjo -- ndoshta do te zhduket me kohen --
15:43
but I don't think so.
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por une nuk e besoj.
15:45
That bothers me the most.
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Kjo me pengon mua me se shumti.
15:55
PM: Now I'm going to show you a video
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PM: Tani do tju tregoj nje video
15:57
of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion,
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te nje nene aktualisht te brengosur, Erin Runnion,
15:59
confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court.
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duke u perballur me vrasesit e vajzes se saj ne gjykate.
16:03
Here you're going to see no false emotion,
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Ketu ju nuk do te shihni emocione te shtirura,
16:05
just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.
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por vetem nje shprehje normale te nje nene ne agoni.
16:08
(Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement on the third anniversary
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(Video) Erin Runnion: E kam shkruar kete deklarate ne pervjetorin e trete
16:10
of the night you took my baby,
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te asaj nate qe ti ma more femijen,
16:12
and you hurt her,
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dhe e lendove ate,
16:14
and you crushed her,
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e copetove ate,
16:16
you terrified her until her heart stopped.
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e tmerrove deri ne momentin kur zemra e saj ndaloi.
16:20
And she fought, and I know she fought you.
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Dhe ajo ka luftuar, e di qe ajo ka luftuar kunder teje.
16:23
But I know she looked at you
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Por e di se ajo te ka shikuar
16:25
with those amazing brown eyes,
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me syte e saj te kafte dhe te mrekullueshem,
16:27
and you still wanted to kill her.
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dhe ti prape ke dashur ta vrasesh.
16:30
And I don't understand it,
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Dhe une nuk e kuptoj
16:32
and I never will.
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dhe skam per ta kuptuar kurre.
16:35
PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.
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PM: Ne rregull, s`ka asnje pike dyshimi ne vertetesine e ketyre emocioneve.
16:39
Now the technology around what the truth looks like
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Tani teknologjia rreth te vertetes sesi duket
16:42
is progressing on, the science of it.
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eshte duke perparuar, sikurse edhe shkenca.
16:45
We know for example
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Ne e dime, per shembull
16:47
that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans,
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se kemi edhe gjurmues te specialuar per sy apo skanera te rrezeve infrared,
16:50
MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out
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MRI` qe mund te dekodojne sinjalet qe nxjerr trupi yne
16:53
when we're trying to be deceptive.
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kur ne deshirojme te mashtrojme.
16:55
And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us
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Dhe keto teknologji do ti serviren secilit prej nesh
16:58
as panaceas for deceit,
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sikur zgjidhje per mashtrim,
17:00
and they will prove incredibly useful some day.
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dhe nje dite do te dalin me rezultate shume interesante.
17:03
But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime:
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Por gjithashtu ne te njejten kohe ju duhet te pyesni veten:
17:05
Who do you want on your side of the meeting,
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Ke do te deshironi ne anen tuaj gjate takimit
17:07
someone who's trained in getting to the truth
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dike qe eshte trajnuar ta gjeje te verteten
17:10
or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram
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apo ndonje person qe do te terheq nje elektroencefalograme 400 kileshe
17:12
through the door?
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pergjate deres ?
17:14
Liespotters rely on human tools.
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Zbuluesit e genjeshtrave mbeshteten ne mjetet e njeriut.
17:18
They know, as someone once said,
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Ata e dine, sic dikush ka thene,
17:20
"Character's who you are in the dark."
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"Karakteri qe ju jeni ne erresire".
17:22
And what's kind of interesting
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Dhe cfare eshte shume interesante
17:24
is that today we have so little darkness.
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eshte se diteve te sotme ne kemi shume pak erresire.
17:26
Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.
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Bota jone ndricohet 24 ore pa pushim.
17:29
It's transparent
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Eshte transparente
17:31
with blogs and social networks
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me blogje dhe rrjete sociale
17:33
broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people
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duke transmetuar levizjet e gjenerates se re te njerezve
17:35
that have made a choice to live their lives in public.
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qe kane bere zgjidhje te jetojne jeten e tyre ne publik.
17:38
It's a much more noisy world.
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Eshte nje bote me e zhurmshme.
17:42
So one challenge we have
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Dhe, nje sfide qe ne e kemi
17:44
is to remember,
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eshte qe te kujtojme
17:46
oversharing, that's not honesty.
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shperndarjen, qe nuk eshte ndershmeri.
17:49
Our manic tweeting and texting
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Mania jone per te twittuar apo shkruar
17:51
can blind us to the fact
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mund te na verboje ne faktin
17:53
that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity --
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se hollesite e sjelles njerezore, integritetit dhe karakterit
17:56
that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter.
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kane shume rendesi, dhe eshte ajo qe do te kete gjithmone rendesi.
17:59
So in this much noisier world,
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Pra, ne nje bote te tille te zhurmshme,
18:01
it might make sense for us
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me siguri do te kete kuptim per ne
18:03
to be just a little bit more explicit
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qe te jemi pak me shume te qarte
18:05
about our moral code.
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rreth kodit tone moral.
18:08
When you combine the science of recognizing deception
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Kur e kombinon shkencen e te zbuluarit te mashtrimit
18:10
with the art of looking, listening,
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me artin e shikimit, degjimit,
18:12
you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie.
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ti e largon veten nga bashkepunimi ne nje genjeshter.
18:15
You start up that path
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Ju e nisni kete rruge
18:17
of being just a little bit more explicit,
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duke qene pak me te qarte,
18:19
because you signal to everyone around you,
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sepse sinalizon te gjithe njerezit rreth teje,
18:21
you say, "Hey, my world, our world,
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dhe thua, "Hej, bota ime, bota jone,
18:24
it's going to be an honest one.
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duhet te jete e sinqerte.
18:26
My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened
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Bota ime do te jete ajo ku do te kete shum fuqi
18:28
and falsehood is recognized and marginalized."
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ku genjeshtra njihet dhe margjinalizohet."
18:31
And when you do that,
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Dhe kur ju do ta beni kete,
18:33
the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.
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terreni perreth vetes suaj do te zhvendoset pak.
18:36
And that's the truth. Thank you.
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Dhe kjo eshte e verteta. Faleminderit
18:39
(Applause)
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)Duartrokitje)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Pamela Meyer - Lie detectorPamela Meyer thinks we’re facing a pandemic of deception, but she’s arming people with tools that can help take back the truth.
Why you should listen
Social media expert Pamela Meyer can tell when you’re lying. If it’s not your words that give you away, it’s your posture, eyes, breathing rate, fidgets, and a host of other indicators. Worse, we are all lied to up to 200 times a day, she says, from the white lies that allow society to function smoothly to the devastating duplicities that bring down corporations and break up families.
Working with a team of researchers over several years, Meyer, who is CEO of social networking company Simpatico Networks, collected and reviewed most of the research on deception that has been published, from such fields as law-enforcement, military, psychology and espionage. She then became an expert herself, receiving advanced training in deception detection, including multiple courses of advanced training in interrogation, microexpression analysis, statement analysis, behavior and body language interpretation, and emotion recognition. Her research is synthetized in her bestselling book Liespotting.
More profile about the speakerWorking with a team of researchers over several years, Meyer, who is CEO of social networking company Simpatico Networks, collected and reviewed most of the research on deception that has been published, from such fields as law-enforcement, military, psychology and espionage. She then became an expert herself, receiving advanced training in deception detection, including multiple courses of advanced training in interrogation, microexpression analysis, statement analysis, behavior and body language interpretation, and emotion recognition. Her research is synthetized in her bestselling book Liespotting.
Pamela Meyer | Speaker | TED.com