TEDxBoulder
Ash Beckham: We're all hiding something. Let's find the courage to open up
Eš Bekam (Ash Beckham): Svi mi krijemo nešto. Hajde da smognemo hrabrost da to iskažemo
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U ovom dirljivom govoru, Eš Bekam nudi svež pristup saosećanju i otvorenosti. Počinje s razumevanjem da svi, u nekom trenutku života, iskuse tegobu. Jedini izlaz je, kaže Bekam, otvoriti vrata i izaći iz svog ormana.
Ash Beckham - Equality advocate
Ash Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy. Full bio
Ash Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm going to talk to you tonight
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Večeras ću vam pričati
00:14
about coming out of the closet,
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o izlaženju iz ormana,
ali ne u tradicionalnom smislu,
00:16
and not in the traditional sense,
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00:17
not just the gay closet.
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ne samo o gej ormanu.
00:19
I think we all have closets.
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Mislim da svi imamo ormane.
00:21
Your closet may be telling someone
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Tvoj orman je možda reći nekome
00:23
you love her for the first time,
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da je voliš po prvi put,
00:25
or telling someone that you're pregnant,
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ili reći nekome da si trudna,
00:27
or telling someone you have cancer,
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ili reći nekome da imaš rak,
00:30
or any of the other hard conversations
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ili bilo šta drugo od teških razgovora
00:32
we have throughout our lives.
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koje vodimo kroz naše živote.
00:34
All a closet is is a hard conversation,
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Sve što je orman je težak razgovor,
00:38
and although our topics may vary tremendously,
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i pored toga što se naše teme
strahovito razlikuju,
strahovito razlikuju,
00:41
the experience of being in
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iskustvo toga da budeš u ormanu
00:43
and coming out of the closet is universal.
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i izađeš iz njega je univerzalno.
00:46
It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done.
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Strašno je, mrzimo to,
i mora da se učini.
i mora da se učini.
00:52
Several years ago,
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Pre nekoliko godina,
00:53
I was working at the South Side Walnut Cafe,
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radila sam u mestu
zvanom "South Side Walnut",
zvanom "South Side Walnut",
00:57
a local diner in town,
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lokalnom gradskom restoranu,
00:59
and during my time there I would go through phases
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i tokom mog rada tamo
prolazila sam kroz faze
prolazila sam kroz faze
01:01
of militant lesbian intensity:
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miltantnog lezbijskog intenziteta:
01:05
not shaving my armpits,
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nisam brijala pazuhe,
01:07
quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel.
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citirala sam tekstove
Ani Difranko kao gospel.
Ani Difranko kao gospel.
01:10
And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts
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I u zavisnosti od toga
koliko su mi pantalone
koliko su mi pantalone
01:13
and how recently I had shaved my head,
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bile vrećaste i koliko sam
nedavno obrijala glavu,
nedavno obrijala glavu,
01:15
the question would often be sprung on me,
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postavljali su mi pitanje,
01:17
usually by a little kid:
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uglavnom mala deca:
01:19
"Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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"Hmm... jesi li ti dečak ili devojčica?"
01:24
And there would be an awkward silence at the table.
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Nastala bi neprijatna tišina za stolom.
01:27
I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,
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Stisnula bih malo jače zube,
01:29
hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance.
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držala bih lonče kafe s malo više besa.
01:32
The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper
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Tata bi neprijatno listao svoje novine
01:35
and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.
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a mama bi uperila hladan pogled na dete.
01:37
But I would say nothing,
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Ali ja ne bih rekla ništa,
01:39
and I would seethe inside.
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i kipela bih iznutra.
01:41
And it got to the point where every time I walked up
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Došla sam do toga da sam,
svaki put kad bih došla
svaki put kad bih došla
01:43
to a table that had a kid anywhere between
three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.
three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.
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do stola za kojim je dete između
3 i 10 godina, bila spremna za svađu.
3 i 10 godina, bila spremna za svađu.
01:47
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:49
And that is a terrible feeling.
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I to je grozan osećaj.
01:51
So I promised myself, the next
time, I would say something.
time, I would say something.
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Obećala sam sebi, sledeći put,
reći ću nešto.
reći ću nešto.
01:55
I would have that hard conversation.
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Obaviću taj teški razgovor.
01:57
So within a matter of weeks, it happens again.
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I tako, za par nedelja, ponovilo se.
02:00
"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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"Jesi li ti dečak ili devojčica?"
02:02
Familiar silence, but this time I'm ready,
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Poznata tišina, ali ovaj put sam spremna,
02:05
and I am about to go all Women's Studies 101
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i ima da napravim Osnove ženskih studija
02:09
on this table. (Laughter)
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za ovim stolom.
(Smeh)
(Smeh)
02:12
I've got my Betty Friedan quotes.
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Imam svoje citate Beti Fridan,
02:14
I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes.
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imam svoje citate Glorije Stajnem.
02:16
I've even got this little bit from
"Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.
"Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.
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Čak imam nesto iz "Vagininih monologa"
što ću citirati.
što ću citirati.
02:19
So I take a deep breath and I look down
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I tako, duboko udahnem
i pogledam dole
i pogledam dole
02:23
and staring back at me is a
four-year-old girl in a pink dress,
four-year-old girl in a pink dress,
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a u mene bulji četvorogodišnja devojčica
u ružičastoj haljini,
u ružičastoj haljini,
02:27
not a challenge to a feminist duel,
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nije izazov na feministički dvoboj,
02:29
just a kid with a question:
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samo dete s pitanjem:
02:32
"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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"Jesi li ti dečak ili devojčica"
02:34
So I take another deep breath,
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I tako, još jednom duboko udahnem,
02:36
squat down to next to her, and say,
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čučnem do nje, i kažem,
02:37
"Hey, I know it's kind of confusing.
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"Hej, znam da je malo zbunjujuće.
02:39
My hair is short like a boy's,
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Imam kratku kosu kao dečak,
02:41
and I wear boy's clothes, but I'm a girl,
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i nosim mušku odeću,
ali ja sam devojčica,
ali ja sam devojčica,
02:43
and you know how sometimes
you like to wear a pink dress,
you like to wear a pink dress,
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i znaš kako ponekad voliš da nosiš
svoju roze haljinu,
svoju roze haljinu,
02:45
and sometimes you like to
wear your comfy jammies?
wear your comfy jammies?
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a ponekad volis da nosiš
udobnu pidžamu?
udobnu pidžamu?
02:48
Well, I'm more of a comfy jammies kind of girl."
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Pa, ja sam više tip devojke
za udobne pidžame."
za udobne pidžame."
02:52
And this kid looks me dead in the eye,
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A dete me pogleda pravo u oči,
bez treptaja
bez treptaja
02:54
without missing a beat, and says,
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i kaže: "Moja omiljena pidžama
02:55
"My favorite pajamas are purple with fish.
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je ljubičasta, sa ribom na njoj.
02:57
Can I get a pancake, please?"
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Mogu li, molim vas, dobiti palačinku?"
02:59
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:02
And that was it. Just, "Oh, okay. You're a girl.
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I to je bilo to. Samo -
"Oh, dobro. Ti si devojčica.
"Oh, dobro. Ti si devojčica.
03:05
How about that pancake?"
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Može ta palačinka?"
03:08
It was the easiest hard conversation
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Bio je to najlakši "teški" razgovor
03:10
I have ever had.
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koji sam ikad vodila.
03:12
And why? Because Pancake Girl and I,
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A zašto? Zato što smo
"devojčica s palačinkom" i ja
"devojčica s palačinkom" i ja
03:15
we were both real with each other.
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bile iskrene jedna prema drugoj.
03:18
So like many of us,
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Kao i mnogi od nas,
03:20
I've lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah,
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živela sam u nekoliko ormana
u svom životu, i da,
u svom životu, i da,
03:23
most often, my walls happened to be rainbow.
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najčešće, moji zidovi ispadnu šareni.
03:25
But inside, in the dark,
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Ali unutra, u mraku,
03:27
you can't tell what color the walls are.
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ne znaš koje su boje zidovi.
03:29
You just know what it feels like to live in a closet.
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Samo znaš kako je živeti u ormanu.
03:33
So really, my closet is no different than yours
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I zapravo, moj orman
nije ništa drugačiji od tvog
nije ništa drugačiji od tvog
03:36
or yours or yours.
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ili tvog, ili tvog.
03:39
Sure, I'll give you 100 reasons
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Naravno, daću vam 100 razloga
03:41
why coming out of my closet was
harder than coming out of yours,
harder than coming out of yours,
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zašto je moje izlaženje iz ormana
teže od vašeg,
teže od vašeg,
03:43
but here's the thing: Hard is not relative.
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ali evo jedne stvari:
Teško nije relativno.
Teško nije relativno.
03:46
Hard is hard.
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Teško je teško.
03:48
Who can tell me that explaining to
someone you've just declared bankruptcy
someone you've just declared bankruptcy
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Ko mi može reći da je
objasniti nekom da si bankrotirao
objasniti nekom da si bankrotirao
03:52
is harder than telling someone
you just cheated on them?
you just cheated on them?
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teže nego reći nekome
da si ga prevario?
da si ga prevario?
03:54
Who can tell me that his coming out story
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Ko mi može reći da je
njegova priča izlaženja
njegova priča izlaženja
03:57
is harder than telling your five-year-old
you're getting a divorce?
you're getting a divorce?
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teža nego reći svom petogodišnjem detetu
da se rastajete?
da se rastajete?
03:59
There is no harder, there is just hard.
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Ne postoji teže, postoji samo teško.
04:03
We need to stop ranking our hard
against everyone else's hard
against everyone else's hard
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Treba prestati vrednovati naše teško
nasuprot tuđih
nasuprot tuđih
04:06
to make us feel better or worse about our closets
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da se osećamo bolje ili gore
u vezi sa svojim ormanima
u vezi sa svojim ormanima
04:09
and just commiserate on the
fact that we all have hard.
fact that we all have hard.
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i samo se pomiriti sa činjenicom
da nam je svima teško.
da nam je svima teško.
04:13
At some point in our lives, we all live in closets,
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U nekom trenutku života,
svi živimo u ormanu,
svi živimo u ormanu,
04:16
and they may feel safe,
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i možda se čini sigurnim,
04:18
or at least safer than what lies
on the other side of that door.
on the other side of that door.
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ili bar sigurnijim od onoga
što je s druge strane vrata.
što je s druge strane vrata.
04:21
But I am here to tell you,
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Ali ja sam ovde da vam kažem
04:23
no matter what your walls are made of,
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bez obzira od čega su vaši zidovi,
04:25
a closet is no place for a person to live.
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orman nije mesto za život.
04:29
Thanks. (Applause)
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Hvala.
(Aplauz)
(Aplauz)
04:32
So imagine yourself 20 years ago.
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Zamislite se pre 20 godina.
04:36
Me, I had a ponytail, a strapless dress,
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Ja, ja sam imala konjski repić,
haljinu bez bretela,
haljinu bez bretela,
04:41
and high-heeled shoes.
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i cipele sa visokom štiklom.
04:43
I was not the militant lesbian
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Nisam bila militantna lezbejka
04:44
ready to fight any four-year-old
that walked into the cafe.
that walked into the cafe.
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spremna na svađu sa četvorogodišnjakom
koji bi naišao u kafić.
koji bi naišao u kafić.
04:48
I was frozen by fear, curled up in the corner
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Bila sam smrznuta od straha,
sklupčana u uglu
sklupčana u uglu
04:52
of my pitch-black closet
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svog ormana crnog kao ugalj
04:54
clutching my gay grenade,
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stiskajući svoju gej bombu,
04:57
and moving one muscle is the scariest thing
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i pokretanje jednog mišića
bila je najstrašnija stvar
bila je najstrašnija stvar
05:00
I have ever done.
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koju sam ikad uradila.
05:03
My family, my friends, complete strangers --
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Moja porodica, prijatelji,
potpuni stranci -
potpuni stranci -
05:05
I had spent my entire life
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potraćila sam čitav život
05:06
trying to not disappoint these people,
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pokušavajući da ne razočaram te ljude,
05:08
and now I was turning the world upside down
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a zatim sam okretala
čitav svet naopačke
čitav svet naopačke
05:11
on purpose.
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namerno.
05:13
I was burning the pages of the script
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Palila sam stranice propisa
05:15
we had all followed for so long,
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koje sam tako dugo sledila,
05:17
but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you.
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ali ako ne bacite tu bombu, ubiće vas.
05:21
One of my most memorable grenade tosses
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Jedno od najupečatljivijih
bacanja bombe
bacanja bombe
05:23
was at my sister's wedding.
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bilo je na sestrinom venčanju.
05:25
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:27
It was the first time that many in attendance
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Bilo je to prvi put da su mnogi prisutni
05:30
knew I was gay, so in doing
my maid of honor duties,
my maid of honor duties,
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saznali da sam gej,
i tako radeći kumine dužnosti,
i tako radeći kumine dužnosti,
05:33
in my black dress and heels,
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u svojoj crnoj haljini i štiklama,
05:35
I walked around to tables
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hodala sam oko stolova,
05:37
and finally landed on a table of my parents' friends,
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i konačno došla do stola
prijatelja mojih roditelja,
prijatelja mojih roditelja,
05:39
folks that had known me for years.
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ljudi koji su me znali godinama.
05:42
And after a little small talk,
one of the women shouted out,
one of the women shouted out,
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I posle malo ćaskanja,
jedna je žena viknula:
jedna je žena viknula:
05:45
"I love Nathan Lane!"
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"Volim Nejtana Lejna!"
05:48
And the battle of gay relatability had begun.
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I započela je bitka gej povezivanja.
05:51
"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"
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"Eš, jesi li ikada bila u Kastru?"
05:53
"Well, yeah, actually, we have
friends in San Francisco."
friends in San Francisco."
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"Pa da, zapravo,
imamo prijatelje u San Francisku."
imamo prijatelje u San Francisku."
05:55
"Well, we've never been there
but we've heard it's fabulous."
but we've heard it's fabulous."
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"Nikada nismo bili tamo
ali čuli smo da je neverovatno."
ali čuli smo da je neverovatno."
05:58
"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio?
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"Eš, znaš li mog frizera Antonija?
06:00
He's really good and he has
never talked about a girlfriend."
never talked about a girlfriend."
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Zaista je dobar i nije nikada
pričao o devojci."
pričao o devojci."
06:03
"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?
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"Eš, koja ti je omiljena serija?
06:05
Our favorite TV show? Favorite: Will & Grace.
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Naša je Vil i Grejs.
06:07
And you know who we love? Jack.
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I znaš koga volimo? Džeka.
06:08
Jack is our favorite."
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Džek nam je najdraži."
06:10
And then one woman, stumped
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Zatim je jedna žena zastala,
06:13
but wanting so desperately to show her support,
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očajnički želeći da pokaže podršku,
06:15
to let me know she was on my side,
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i da mi do znanja da je na mojoj strani,
06:18
she finally blurted out,
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i napokon je izvalila:
06:19
"Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts."
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"Pa, ponekad moj muž nosi
ružičaste košulje."
ružičaste košulje."
06:23
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:25
And I had a choice in that moment,
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I imala sam izbor u tom trenutku,
06:27
as all grenade throwers do.
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kao što svi bacači bombi imaju.
06:29
I could go back to my girlfriend
and my gay-loving table
and my gay-loving table
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Mogla sam se vratiti svojoj devojci
i svom stolu koji voli gejeve,
i svom stolu koji voli gejeve,
06:33
and mock their responses,
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i rugati se njihovim odgovorima,
06:35
chastise their unworldliness and their inability
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izgrditi njihovu nerečitost
i nesposobnost
i nesposobnost
06:37
to jump through the politically correct
gay hoops I had brought with me,
gay hoops I had brought with me,
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da preskoče politički ispravne gej obruče
koje sam donela,
koje sam donela,
06:40
or I could empathize with them
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ili sam mogla saosećati sa njima
06:43
and realize that that was maybe one of
the hardest things they had ever done,
the hardest things they had ever done,
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i shvatiti da je to bila jedna od
najtežih stvari koju su ikada učinili,
najtežih stvari koju su ikada učinili,
06:47
that starting and having that conversation
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to započinjanje i vođenje tog razgovora
06:50
was them coming out of their closets.
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za njih je bilo izlaženje iz ormana.
06:52
Sure, it would have been easy
to point out where they felt short.
to point out where they felt short.
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Naravno, bilo bi lako
pokazati gde su podbacili.
pokazati gde su podbacili.
06:56
It's a lot harder to meet them where they are
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Mnogo je teže izaći im u susret
06:58
and acknowledge the fact that they were trying.
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i prihvatiti činjenicu da su se trudili.
07:00
And what else can you ask someone to do but try?
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A šta drugo možete tražiti od nekoga
nego da se trudi?
nego da se trudi?
07:05
If you're going to be real with someone,
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Ako ćete biti iskreni s nekim,
07:07
you gotta be ready for real in return.
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morate biti spremni
na povratnu iskrenost,
na povratnu iskrenost,
07:11
So hard conversations are still not my strong suit.
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Teški razgovori i dalje nisu
moje područje.
moje područje.
07:14
Ask anybody I have ever dated.
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Pitajte bilo koga sa kim sam izlazila.
07:16
But I'm getting better, and I follow what I like to call
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Ali poboljšavam se, i sledim
ono što zovem tri principa
ono što zovem tri principa
07:19
the three Pancake Girl principles.
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"devojčice s palačinkama".
07:21
Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses,
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Sada, molim vas, gledajte na ovo
kroz jednu gej prizmu,
kroz jednu gej prizmu,
07:25
but know what it takes to come out of any closet
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ali znajte da sve što treba
za izlazak iz bilo kog ormana
za izlazak iz bilo kog ormana
07:28
is essentially the same.
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u suštini je isto.
07:30
Number one: Be authentic.
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Broj jedan: budite autentični.
07:33
Take the armor off. Be yourself.
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Sklonite oklop. Budite svoji.
07:34
That kid in the cafe had no armor,
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To dete u kafiću nije imalo oklop,
07:36
but I was ready for battle.
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ali ja sam bila spremna za bitku.
07:38
If you want someone to be real with you,
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Ako želite da neko bude
iskren sa vama,
iskren sa vama,
07:41
they need to know that you bleed too.
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treba da zna da i vi krvarite.
07:44
Number two: Be direct. Just
say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.
say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.
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Broj dva: budite direktni.
Samo recite. Strgnite flaster.
Samo recite. Strgnite flaster.
07:47
If you know you are gay, just say it.
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Ako znate da ste gej, samo recite.
07:50
If you tell your parents you might be gay,
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Ako kažete roditeljima
da ste možda gej,
da ste možda gej,
07:51
they will hold out hope that this will change.
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oni će gajiti nadu
da će se to možda promeniti.
da će se to možda promeniti.
07:53
Do not give them that sense of false hope.
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Ne dajte im taj tračak lažne nade.
07:56
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
07:58
And number three, and most important --
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I broj tri, i najvažnije -
08:03
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:05
Be unapologetic.
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Nemojte se pravdati.
08:09
You are speaking your truth.
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Govorite istinu.
08:11
Never apologize for that.
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Nikad se nemojte pravdati za to.
08:15
And some folks may have gotten hurt along the way,
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Neki ljudi će možda biti povređeni,
08:17
so sure, apologize for what you've done,
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i svakako,
izvinite se za to što ste uradili,
izvinite se za to što ste uradili,
08:20
but never apologize for who you are.
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ali nikada se ne izvinjavajte
za ono što jeste.
za ono što jeste.
08:23
And yeah, some folks may be disappointed,
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I da, možda će neki biti razočarani,
08:26
but that is on them, not on you.
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ali to je na njima, ne na vama.
08:29
Those are their expectations
of who you are, not yours.
of who you are, not yours.
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To su njihova očekivanja od vas, ne vaša.
08:31
That is their story, not yours.
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To je njihova priča, ne vaša.
08:36
The only story that matters
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Jedina priča koja je bitna
08:37
is the one that you want to write.
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je ona koju vi želite da napišete.
08:40
So the next time you find yourself
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Zato, sledeći put,
kada se nađete
kada se nađete
08:42
in a pitch-black closet clutching your grenade,
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u ormanu crnom kao ugalj,
držeći svoju bombu,
držeći svoju bombu,
08:44
know we have all been there before.
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znajte da smo svi tamo bili.
08:48
And you may feel so very alone, but you are not.
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I možete se osetiti usamljenima,
ali niste.
ali niste.
08:51
And we know it's hard but we need you out here,
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I svi znamo da je teško,
ali trebaš nam ovde, napolju,
ali trebaš nam ovde, napolju,
08:54
no matter what your walls are made of,
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bez obzira od čega
su tvoji zidovi napravljeni
su tvoji zidovi napravljeni
08:57
because I guarantee you there are others
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jer vam garantujem da ima i drugih
08:59
peering through the keyholes of their closets
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koji vire kroz ključaonice svojih ormana
09:01
looking for the next brave soul to
bust a door open, so be that person
bust a door open, so be that person
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tražeći hrabru dušu da razvali vrata,
i zato budite ta osoba
i zato budite ta osoba
09:05
and show the world that we
are bigger than our closets
are bigger than our closets
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i pokažite svetu
da smo veći od svojih ormana
da smo veći od svojih ormana
09:08
and that a closet is no place for a person
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i da orman nije mesto
za čovekov stvarni život.
09:12
to truly live.
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09:13
Thank you, Boulder. Enjoy your night. (Applause)
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Bolder, hvala vam.
Uživajte u ostatku večeri. (Aplauz)
Uživajte u ostatku večeri. (Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Ash Beckham - Equality advocateAsh Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy.
Why you should listen
Ash Beckham is no stranger to hard conversations. In her work, she shares how coming out as a lesbian helped her appreciate our common humanity and better understand the hardships that we all face. This equality advocate mixes personal experience and wisdom to help everyone bravely face their demons.
Ash Beckham | Speaker | TED.com