TEDWomen 2010
Tony Porter: A call to men
湯尼波特:給男人的忠告
Filmed:
Readability: 2.9
3,010,230 views
湯尼.波特在TEDWomen演講中向所有的男人請求:不要"像個男人"。述說自身生活經歷的故事, 他描繪了一種從小即被灌輸在許多男人及男孩腦子中的一種信念, 使他們不尊重, 不善待甚至虐待女人或其他人。他的解決方法:掙脫這種"男人的箱子"。
Tony Porter - Author, educator, activist
Tony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women. Full bio
Tony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I grew up in New York City,
0
0
3000
我在紐約市長大
00:18
between Harlem and the Bronx.
1
3000
2000
哈林區跟布朗克斯區中間
00:20
Growing up as a boy, we were taught
2
5000
2000
在兒童時期我們就被教導
00:22
that men had to be tough, had to be strong,
3
7000
2000
男人一定要堅強, 一定要強壯
00:24
had to be courageous, dominating --
4
9000
3000
一定要很有勇氣,是統治的
00:27
no pain, no emotions,
5
12000
2000
沒有痛覺, 沒有情感
00:29
with the exception of anger --
6
14000
2000
憤怒除外--
00:31
and definitely no fear;
7
16000
2000
恐懼那是絕對不能有的--
00:33
that men are in charge,
8
18000
2000
男人就該主導一切
00:35
which means women are not;
9
20000
2000
就是說女人不是這樣的
00:37
that men lead,
10
22000
2000
男人領導
00:39
and you should just follow and do what we say;
11
24000
3000
而你們就應該追隨並且臣服
00:42
that men are superior; women are inferior;
12
27000
3000
男人是上等的, 而女人是次等的
00:45
that men are strong; women are weak;
13
30000
3000
男人是強壯的, 而女人是軟弱的
00:48
that women are of less value,
14
33000
3000
女人沒什麼價值--
00:51
property of men,
15
36000
2000
是男人的財產--
00:53
and objects,
16
38000
2000
及附屬物品
00:55
particularly sexual objects.
17
40000
3000
尤其是性玩物
00:58
I've later come to know that to be
18
43000
3000
我後來慢慢瞭解那就是
01:01
the collective socialization of men,
19
46000
3000
男人的集體社會化進程
01:04
better known
20
49000
2000
又被稱為
01:06
as the "man box."
21
51000
2000
"男人的箱子"
01:08
See this man box has in it
22
53000
2000
這個男人的箱子擁有
01:10
all the ingredients
23
55000
2000
所有的要素-
01:12
of how we define what it means to be a man.
24
57000
2000
我們如何定義對於男人是什麼
01:14
Now I also want to say, without a doubt,
25
59000
2000
現在我同樣要說,毫無疑問地說
01:16
there are some wonderful, wonderful,
26
61000
2000
這裏有很多很好很好,
01:18
absolutely wonderful things
27
63000
2000
實在很好的事情,
01:20
about being a man.
28
65000
2000
去做一個男人
01:22
But at the same time,
29
67000
2000
但是同時
01:24
there's some stuff
30
69000
2000
也有一些是
01:26
that's just straight up twisted,
31
71000
2000
就是真的很古怪
01:28
and we really need to begin
32
73000
2000
我們必須開始
01:30
to challenge, look at it
33
75000
2000
去挑戰它, 審視它
01:32
and really get in the process
34
77000
2000
並且真正地去
01:34
of deconstructing, redefining,
35
79000
3000
摧毀並重塑
01:37
what we come to know as manhood.
36
82000
3000
我們稱為男子氣概的這個東西
01:41
This is my two at home, Kendall and Jay.
37
86000
2000
這是我的兩個小孩, Kendall跟Jay
01:43
They're 11 and 12.
38
88000
2000
他們一個11歲一個12歲
01:45
Kendall's 15 months older than Jay.
39
90000
2000
Kendall比Jay大了15個月
01:47
There was a period of time when my wife -- her name is Tammie -- and I,
40
92000
3000
過去我和我的太太Tammie有一段時間
01:50
we just got real busy and whip, bam, boom:
41
95000
2000
我們就在房間裡忙活, 然後咻咻
01:52
Kendall and Jay.
42
97000
2000
Kendall跟Jay就出生了
01:54
(Laughter)
43
99000
2000
(笑聲)
01:56
And when they were about five and six,
44
101000
2000
到了他們大約五歲跟六歲的時候
01:58
four and five,
45
103000
2000
或四歲五歲
02:00
Jay could come to me,
46
105000
2000
Jay可以來找我
02:02
come to me crying.
47
107000
2000
哭著來找我
02:04
It didn't matter what she was crying about,
48
109000
2000
不管她為什麼哭
02:06
she could get on my knee, she could snot my sleeve up,
49
111000
2000
她都可以坐在我的膝蓋上, 把鼻涕弄得我袖子上到處都是
02:08
just cry, cry it out.
50
113000
2000
就是哭, 哭完就好了
02:10
Daddy's got you. That's all that's important.
51
115000
3000
爸爸在這裡. 這才是全部, 這才是最重要的.
02:13
Now Kendall on the other hand --
52
118000
2000
那Kendall就不一樣了
02:15
and like I said, he's only 15 months older than her --
53
120000
3000
就像我說的, 他只比她大了15個月
02:18
he'd come to me crying,
54
123000
2000
在他哭著來找我的時候
02:20
it's like as soon as I would hear him cry,
55
125000
2000
似乎是我一聽到他哭
02:22
a clock would go off.
56
127000
2000
一塊碼表就開始計時
02:24
I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds,
57
129000
3000
我大概會給他30秒左右
02:27
which means, by the time he got to me,
58
132000
3000
就是說,當他走近我的時候
02:30
I was already saying things like, "Why are you crying?
59
135000
2000
我已經會告訴他:"你在哭什麼?"
02:32
Hold your head up. Look at me.
60
137000
3000
把頭抬高!看著我!
02:35
Explain to me what's wrong.
61
140000
2000
解釋給我聽出了什麼問題
02:37
Tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you.
62
142000
2000
告訴我發生什麼事了? 我聽不懂你在說什麼
02:39
Why are you crying?"
63
144000
2000
你在哭什麼?
02:41
And out of my own frustration
64
146000
2000
然後出於對我自己的挫敗感
02:43
of my role and responsibility
65
148000
2000
我的角色和我的責任
02:45
of building him up as a man
66
150000
2000
來把他打造成一個男人
02:47
to fit into these guidelines
67
152000
2000
來迎合這些準則
02:49
and these structures that are defining this man box,
68
154000
3000
和這些構造——那些男人的盒子界定的東西
02:52
I would find myself saying things like,
69
157000
2000
我會發現我會說這樣的事情
02:54
"Just go in your room.
70
159000
2000
"只管進你的房間
02:56
Just go on, go on in your room.
71
161000
2000
去你的房間
02:58
Sit down,
72
163000
2000
坐下
03:00
get yourself together
73
165000
2000
使你自己平靜下來
03:02
and come back and talk to me
74
167000
2000
然後回來對我說
03:04
when you can talk to me like a --" what?
75
169000
2000
但你可以對我說話的時候像個—" 什麼
03:06
(Audience: Man.)
76
171000
2000
（觀眾:男人)
03:08
Like a man.
77
173000
2000
"像一個男人"
03:10
And he's five years old.
78
175000
2000
他那時是五歲
03:12
And as I grow in life,
79
177000
2000
當我在生活生長大的時候
03:14
I would say to myself,
80
179000
2000
我會對自己說
03:16
"My God, what's wrong with me?
81
181000
2000
"天呐,我出了什麼問題？"
03:18
What am I doing? Why would I do this?"
82
183000
3000
我在做什麼?我為什麼要這麼做?"
03:21
And I think back.
83
186000
2000
當我回想起
03:23
I think back to my father.
84
188000
3000
當我回想起我的父親
03:26
There was a time in my life
85
191000
2000
我的一生中有這麼一段時間
03:28
where we had a very troubled experience in our family.
86
193000
3000
我們的家庭有段非常混亂的經歷
03:31
My brother, Henry, he died tragically
87
196000
2000
我的兄弟Henry，死得非常悲慘
03:33
when we were teenagers.
88
198000
2000
當我們都是少年的時候
03:35
We lived in New York City, as I said.
89
200000
2000
我們住在紐約市,我剛剛說過
03:37
We lived in the Bronx at the time,
90
202000
3000
我們當時住在布朗克斯區
03:40
and the burial was in a place called Long Island,
91
205000
3000
葬禮在一個名叫Long Island的地方舉行
03:43
it was about two hours outside of the city.
92
208000
3000
那個地方在城市外,大概需要兩個小時的車程
03:46
And as we were preparing
93
211000
2000
當我們準備
03:48
to come back from the burial,
94
213000
2000
從葬禮回來的時候
03:50
the cars stopped at the bathroom
95
215000
2000
車停在了一個盥洗室(廁所)
03:52
to let folks take care of themselves
96
217000
2000
讓親屬們解決自己的問題
03:54
before the long ride back to the city.
97
219000
2000
在到城市的很長的一段路程之前
03:56
And the limousine empties out.
98
221000
2000
轎車中沒有人了
03:58
My mother, my sister, my auntie, they all get out,
99
223000
2000
我的媽媽,姐姐,還有伯母,都出去了
04:00
but my father and I stayed in the limousine,
100
225000
3000
但是我的爸爸和我還在轎車中
04:03
and no sooner than the women got out,
101
228000
3000
在這些女人們出去沒多久
04:06
he burst out crying.
102
231000
3000
他開始哭了
04:09
He didn't want cry in front of me,
103
234000
2000
他不想在我的面前哭
04:11
but he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the city,
104
236000
3000
但是他知道他在回到城市不能堅持住
04:14
and it was better me than to allow himself
105
239000
2000
在我面前表達這些感覺和情感比在
04:16
to express these feelings and emotions in front of the women.
106
241000
3000
那些女人面前要好
04:19
And this is a man
107
244000
2000
這是一個男人
04:21
who, 10 minutes ago,
108
246000
2000
十分鐘前
04:23
had just put his teenage son
109
248000
2000
剛剛把他的還未成年的兒子放入了
04:25
in the ground --
110
250000
2000
土地裏
04:27
something I just can't even imagine.
111
252000
3000
有一些事情我是無法想像的
04:32
The thing that sticks with me the most
112
257000
2000
深深插入我的內心的那些事情
04:34
is that he was apologizing to me
113
259000
3000
是他向我道歉
04:37
for crying in front of me,
114
262000
2000
為在我面前哭泣
04:39
and at the same time, he was also giving me props,
115
264000
3000
與此同時,他也安慰我
04:42
lifting me up,
116
267000
2000
讓我振作起來
04:44
for not crying.
117
269000
2000
不哭泣
04:46
I come to also look at this
118
271000
3000
我也將這個看作
04:49
as this fear that we have as men,
119
274000
2000
作為一個男人而擁有的恐懼
04:51
this fear that just has us paralyzed,
120
276000
2000
讓我們麻木的這種恐懼情緒，
04:53
holding us hostage
121
278000
2000
是我們成為
04:55
to this man box.
122
280000
2000
束縛男人的人質
04:57
I can remember speaking
123
282000
2000
我記起一次談話
04:59
to a 12-year-old boy, a football player,
124
284000
2000
和一個12歲的男孩,一個足球運動員
05:01
and I asked him, I said,
125
286000
2000
我問他,我說,
05:03
"How would you feel if,
126
288000
2000
“你會怎麼也想,如果
05:05
in front of all the players,
127
290000
2000
在所有的運動員面前
05:07
your coach told you you were playing like a girl?"
128
292000
3000
你的教練說你踢球踢得像一個女孩？”
05:10
Now I expected him to say something like,
129
295000
2000
我期待他說出這樣的話
05:12
I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that.
130
297000
2000
我會感覺傷心,感覺瘋狂,感覺生氣,或類似的事情
05:14
No, the boy said to me --
131
299000
2000
不過,這個男孩這樣對我說--
05:16
the boy said to me,
132
301000
2000
這個男孩這樣對我說
05:18
"It would destroy me."
133
303000
3000
"這會毀了我."
05:21
And I said to myself,
134
306000
3000
之後我對自己說
05:24
"God, if it would destroy him
135
309000
2000
"天呐,如果這樣會毀了他 —
05:26
to be called a girl,
136
311000
2000
— 被叫做一個女孩,
05:28
what are we then teaching him
137
313000
3000
我們之後要怎麼樣教育他
05:31
about girls?"
138
316000
3000
關於女孩?“
05:34
(Applause)
139
319000
4000
(掌聲)
05:38
It took me back to a time
140
323000
2000
這使我會想到一段時期
05:40
when I was about 12 years old.
141
325000
3000
在我大概12歲的時候
05:43
I grew up in tenement buildings in the inner city.
142
328000
3000
我在城內的貧民區長大
05:46
At this time we're living in the Bronx,
143
331000
2000
這段時期我們生活在布朗克斯區
05:48
and in the building next to where I lived there was a guy named Johnny.
144
333000
3000
在我住的地方鍍金有一個叫做Johnny的人
05:51
He was about 16 years old,
145
336000
2000
他大概16歲
05:53
and we were all about 12 years old -- younger guys.
146
338000
2000
我們都是些12歲或更年輕的孩子
05:55
And he was hanging out with all us younger guys.
147
340000
2000
他和我們年輕的男孩在一起
05:57
And this guy, he was up to a lot of no good.
148
342000
2000
他品行不正
05:59
He was the kind of kid who parents would have to wonder,
149
344000
2000
他是那種父母們一定會擔心的孩子
06:01
"What is this 16-year-old boy doing with these 12-year-old boys?"
150
346000
3000
"16歲的男孩和12歲的男孩會做些什麼?"
06:04
And he did spend a lot of time up to no good.
151
349000
2000
他做了很多壞事
06:06
He was a troubled kid.
152
351000
2000
它是一個很麻煩的男孩
06:08
His mother had died from a heroin overdose.
153
353000
2000
他的媽媽死于過量吸食海洛因(一種毒品)
06:10
He was being raised by his grandmother.
154
355000
2000
他由他的祖母帶著長大
06:12
His father wasn't on the set.
155
357000
2000
他父親管不了他
06:14
His grandmother had two jobs.
156
359000
2000
他的祖母有兩個工作
06:16
He was home alone a lot.
157
361000
2000
他經常獨自在家
06:18
But I've got to tell you, we young guys,
158
363000
2000
但是我一定要告訴你,我們這些小男孩
06:20
we looked up to this dude, man.
159
365000
2000
我們看高這個傢伙.
06:22
He was cool. He was fine.
160
367000
3000
他很酷.他很好.
06:25
That's what the sisters said, "He was fine."
161
370000
3000
他是那些女孩們說的,"他不錯"
06:28
He was having sex.
162
373000
2000
他咻咻.
06:30
We all looked up to him.
163
375000
2000
我們都看高他.
06:32
So one day, I'm out in front of the house doing something --
164
377000
2000
有一天,我在我們的房子外面做些事情 —
06:34
just playing around, doing something -- I don't know what.
165
379000
3000
只是在那裏玩,做些事情—我不知道那是什麼
06:37
He looks out his window; he calls me upstairs; he said, "Hey Anthony."
166
382000
2000
他從他的窗戶探出頭來,他叫我上樓,他說,”嘿,Anthony"
06:39
They called me Anthony growing up as a kid.
167
384000
2000
我是被他們叫著Anthony長大的
06:41
"Hey Anthony, come on upstairs."
168
386000
2000
"嘿,Anthony,上樓來."
06:43
Johnny call, you go.
169
388000
2000
Johnny 叫,你就要去.
06:45
So I run right upstairs.
170
390000
2000
所以我很快的上樓去.
06:47
As he opens the door, he says to me, "Do you want some?"
171
392000
3000
當他開門的時候,他對我說,“你想要一些嗎?”
06:50
Now I immediately knew what he meant.
172
395000
2000
當時我很快明白了他想說什麼.
06:52
Because for me growing up at that time,
173
397000
2000
我成長的那個時候
06:54
and our relationship with this man box,
174
399000
2000
我們對這個男人的盒子有認識的人
06:56
"Do you want some?" meant one of two things:
175
401000
2000
"你想要一些嗎"意味著兩件事中的其中一件
06:58
sex or drugs --
176
403000
2000
性 或者毒品 --
07:00
and we weren't doing drugs.
177
405000
2000
我們不吸毒.
07:02
Now my box, my card,
178
407000
2000
現在我的盒子,其中的內容物
07:04
my man box card,
179
409000
2000
我的盒子的內容物
07:06
was immediately in jeopardy.
180
411000
2000
立刻感到威脅.
07:08
Two things: One, I never had sex.
181
413000
3000
兩件事:一,我從未咻咻
07:11
We don't talk about that as men.
182
416000
2000
我們作為男人不談論這些.
07:13
You only tell your dearest, closest friend, sworn to secrecy for life,
183
418000
3000
你會和你最親愛的，最要好的朋友發誓保守這秘密
07:16
the first time you had sex.
184
421000
2000
才談起你的第一次性體驗.
07:18
For everybody else, we go around like we've been having sex since we were two.
185
423000
3000
對於其他人,我們走起來好像我們2歲的時候就已經做愛的
07:21
There ain't no first time.
186
426000
2000
這裏沒有第一次.
07:23
(Laughter)
187
428000
3000
(笑聲)
07:26
The other thing I couldn't tell him is that I didn't want any.
188
431000
2000
另一件事是我不能告訴他我一點也不想.
07:28
That's even worse. We're supposed to always be on the prowl.
189
433000
3000
那樣更糟. 我們應該總是在徘徊.
07:31
Women are objects,
190
436000
2000
女人們只是玩物,
07:33
especially sexual objects.
191
438000
2000
尤其是性玩物.
07:35
Anyway, so I couldn't tell him any of that.
192
440000
2000
不管怎樣,我不能告訴他這些.
07:37
So, like my mother would say, make a long story short,
193
442000
2000
所以,正如我的媽媽會說,簡而言之
07:39
I just simply said to Johnny, "Yes."
194
444000
2000
我只是對Johnny說,“是的."
07:41
He told me to go in his room.
195
446000
2000
他告訴我進去他的房間
07:43
I go in his room. On his bed is a girl from the neighborhood named Sheila.
196
448000
3000
我走進他的房間.在他的床上有一個鄰家女孩名叫Sheila.
07:46
She's 16 years old.
197
451000
2000
她是16歲.
07:48
She's nude.
198
453000
2000
她是赤裸的.
07:50
She's what I know today to be mentally ill,
199
455000
2000
她是我現在才知道的所謂精神疾病患者,
07:52
higher-functioning at times than others.
200
457000
3000
和其他人相比她有時不正常.
07:55
We had a whole choice of inappropriate names for her.
201
460000
3000
我們也有許多數不清的外號取笑她.
07:59
Anyway, Johnny had just gotten through having sex with her.
202
464000
3000
不管怎樣,Johnny 剛剛和她做愛.
08:02
Well actually, he raped her, but he would say he had sex with her.
203
467000
3000
或者說,他強姦了她,但是他會說他和他做愛.
08:05
Because, while Sheila never said no,
204
470000
3000
因為,Sheila從來不說不可以,
08:08
she also never said yes.
205
473000
2000
她也從來不說可以.
08:10
So he was offering me the opportunity to do the same.
206
475000
2000
所以他給我做相同事情的機會.
08:12
So when I go in the room, I close the door.
207
477000
3000
當我走進那個房間,我關上門.
08:15
Folks, I'm petrified.
208
480000
2000
人們啊,我呆住了.
08:17
I stand with my back to the door so Johnny can't bust in the room
209
482000
2000
我靠著門,這樣Johnny 就不能突然沖進房間
08:19
and see that I'm not doing anything,
210
484000
2000
並且看到我什麼都沒幹.
08:21
and I stand there long enough that I could have actually done something.
211
486000
3000
我站在那裏很久以示我可以做一些事情.
08:24
So now I'm no longer trying to figure out what I'm going to do;
212
489000
2000
所以現在我不知道我將要做什麼,
08:26
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this room.
213
491000
3000
我正在努力去想辦法如何離開這個房間.
08:29
So in my 12 years of wisdom,
214
494000
2000
我用我12年的智慧,
08:31
I zip my pants down,
215
496000
2000
我把我的褲子拉開脫下來,
08:33
I walk out into the room,
216
498000
2000
我從房間裏走出來.
08:35
and lo and behold to me,
217
500000
2000
他們注視我,
08:37
while I was in the room with Sheila,
218
502000
2000
當我進房間和Sheila一起的時候,
08:39
Johnny was back at the window calling guys up.
219
504000
3000
Johnny 回到窗戶那裏叫男孩們上來.
08:42
So now there's a living room full of guys.
220
507000
2000
現在起居室充滿了男孩.
08:44
It was like the waiting room in the doctor's office.
221
509000
3000
就好像醫生辦公室的等待間一樣.
08:47
And they asked me how was it,
222
512000
2000
他們問我怎麼樣.
08:49
and I say to them, "It was good,"
223
514000
3000
我告訴他們,"不錯."
08:52
and I zip my pants up in front of them,
224
517000
2000
我在他們面前拉起了褲子,
08:54
and I head for the door.
225
519000
2000
我衝向門口.
08:56
Now I say this all with remorse,
226
521000
2000
現在我悔恨地說著這些,
08:58
and I was feeling a tremendous amount of remorse at that time,
227
523000
2000
那時我也感受到一股巨大的遺憾,
09:00
but I was conflicted, because, while I was feeling remorse, I was excited,
228
525000
3000
但是我很矛盾,因為,當我感到悔恨的時候,我很興奮,
09:03
because I didn't get caught.
229
528000
2000
因為我沒有被發現(作假),
09:05
But I knew I felt bad about what was happening.
230
530000
2000
但是我知道我對發生的事情感覺很不好.
09:07
This fear, getting outside the man box,
231
532000
3000
從男人的盒子中出來的恐懼
09:10
totally enveloped me.
232
535000
2000
完全把我包住了.
09:12
It was way more important to me,
233
537000
2000
這對我來說更重要,
09:14
about me and my man box card
234
539000
3000
男人的盒子中的內容
09:17
than about Sheila
235
542000
2000
比Sheila
09:19
and what was happening to her.
236
544000
2000
以及在她身上將要發生的事情.
09:21
See collectively, we as men
237
546000
2000
總括說,我們作為男人
09:23
are taught to have less value in women,
238
548000
2000
被教育認為女人的價值較少,
09:25
to view them as property and the objects of men.
239
550000
3000
看待她們是男人的財富和玩物.
09:28
We see that as an equation that equals violence against women.
240
553000
3000
我們把這看成一個方程,等於對女人的暴力
09:31
We as men, good men,
241
556000
2000
我們作為男人,好的男人,
09:33
the large majority of men,
242
558000
2000
大部分的男人,
09:35
we operate on the foundation
243
560000
2000
我們在建構
09:37
of this whole collective socialization.
244
562000
2000
整個集體社會.
09:39
We kind of see ourselves separate, but we're very much a part of it.
245
564000
3000
我們自認為我們是批次分開的,但我們在其中也是一體.
09:42
You see, we have to come to understand
246
567000
3000
我們要理解
09:45
that less value, property and objectification is the foundation
247
570000
3000
價值小,象徵財富和性玩物的女人也是社會的一體
09:48
and the violence can't happen without it.
248
573000
2000
而且,停止暴力也離不開這種認同感.
09:50
So we're very much a part of the solution
249
575000
3000
所以我們是這解決方案的一部分
09:53
as well as the problem.
250
578000
2000
像這個問題一樣
09:55
The center for disease control says
251
580000
2000
疾病預防控制中心說，
09:57
that men's violence against women is at epidemic proportions,
252
582000
3000
從流行病的程度看，男人對女人的暴力,
10:00
is the number one health concern for women
253
585000
2000
對女人的健康來說是首要重要的事情
10:02
in this country and abroad.
254
587000
2000
不管在國內還是國外.
10:04
So quickly, I'd like to just say,
255
589000
3000
簡而言之,我想說
10:07
this is the love of my life, my daughter Jay.
256
592000
3000
這是我生命中的至愛,我的女兒Jay
10:10
The world I envision for her --
257
595000
2000
我為她設想的世界
10:12
how do I want men to be acting and behaving?
258
597000
2000
我希望男人應該如何表現?
10:14
I need you on board. I need you with me.
259
599000
2000
我需要你們同在. 我需要你們和我一起.
10:16
I need you working with me and me working with you
260
601000
3000
我希望你們和我一起工作以及我和你們一起工作
10:19
on how we raise our sons
261
604000
2000
在如何培養我們 的兒子上
10:21
and teach them to be men --
262
606000
2000
以及教育他們成長為男人 --
10:23
that it's okay to not be dominating,
263
608000
2000
不控制一切是可以的,
10:25
that it's okay to have feelings and emotions,
264
610000
3000
擁有感覺和情緒是可以的,
10:28
that it's okay to promote equality,
265
613000
2000
促進男女平等是可以的,
10:30
that it's okay to have women who are just friends and that's it,
266
615000
3000
和女人只是成為朋友是可以的,
10:33
that it's okay to be whole,
267
618000
2000
男人和女人是一體的,
10:35
that my liberation as a man
268
620000
3000
我作為一個男人的自由
10:38
is tied to your liberation as a woman. (Applause)
269
623000
3000
也給予你們作為女人的自由.
10:41
I remember asking a nine-year-old boy,
270
626000
3000
我記得問一個九歲的男孩,
10:44
I asked a nine-year-old boy,
271
629000
3000
我問一個九歲的男孩
10:47
"What would life be like for you,
272
632000
2000
生活對你來說會成為什麼樣?
10:49
if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?"
273
634000
2000
如果你不用一定擁有這個男人的盒子?
10:51
He said to me, "I would be free."
274
636000
2000
他告訴我說,“我將會自由.”
10:53
Thank you folks.
275
638000
2000
謝謝你們.
10:55
(Applause)
276
640000
12000
（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tony Porter - Author, educator, activistTony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women.
Why you should listen
Tony Porter is an author, educator and activist working to advance social justice issues. As the co-founder of A CALL TO MEN, Tony is internationally recognized for his efforts to prevent violence against women while promoting a healthy, respectful manhood. Tony’s 2010 TED Talk has been named by GQ Magazine as one of the “Top 10 TED Talks Every Man Should See.”
Tony is an adviser to the National Football League, National Basketball Association, National Hockey League and Major League Baseball, providing policy consultation, working extensively with player engagement, and facilitating violence prevention and healthy manhood training.
He is an international lecturer for the U.S. State Department, having extensive global experience to include Brazil, India and Africa, and has been a guest presenter to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women. Tony has worked with the United States Military Academy at West Point and the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis.
He is sought after for his in-depth understanding of the collective socialization of men, and has served as a script consultant for the Emmy Award-winning television series “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.”
Tony is the author of Breaking Out of the Man Box and the visionary for NFL Dads: Dedicated to Daughters.
Tony Porter | Speaker | TED.com