ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com
TED2014

Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

安德魯.索羅門: 生命中的難關如何造就我們

Filmed:
6,466,776 views

作家安德魯.索羅門以撰寫他人的苦難故事為業。現在他講述自己兒時所經歷的掙扎,同時也分享他後來遇見的勇敢人們的故事。在這場真摯感人卻不失幽默的演講中,索羅門呼籲大家應該要付諸行動,為人生最大的挑戰鑄造意義。
- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
As a student學生 of adversity逆境,
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總在逆境中學習的我,
00:16
I've been struck來襲 over the years年份
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過去幾年來
00:17
by how some people
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看到有些人
00:19
with major重大的 challenges挑戰
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在面對極大的挑戰時
00:21
seem似乎 to draw strength強度 from them,
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卻能越挫越勇而感到很訝異。
00:24
and I've heard聽說 the popular流行 wisdom智慧
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我也常聽到有人說
00:26
that that has to do with finding發現 meaning含義.
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這跟找尋意義有關。
00:28
And for a long time,
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很久以來,
00:30
I thought the meaning含義 was out there,
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我以為「意義」存在著,
00:32
some great truth真相 waiting等候 to be found發現.
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就像某個待人尋找的真相。
00:35
But over time, I've come to feel
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但經過一段時間,
我開始覺得真相並不重要。
00:38
that the truth真相 is irrelevant不相干.
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00:40
We call it finding發現 meaning含義,
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我們稱之為找尋意義,
00:42
but we might威力 better call it forging鍛造 meaning含義.
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或許應該說是鑄造意義才對。
00:47
My last book was about how families家庭
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我的新書是關於
家庭如何應對各種挑戰
00:49
manage管理 to deal合同 with various各個 kinds of challenging具有挑戰性的
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00:52
or unusual異常 offspring子孫,
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或是子女異於常人。
00:54
and one of the mothers母親 I interviewed採訪,
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我訪談的其中一位母親,
00:56
who had two children孩子 with
multiple severe嚴重 disabilities殘疾人,
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兩個孩子都有多重嚴重身障,
00:59
said to me, "People always give us
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她告訴我:「很多人都會告訴我們
01:02
these little sayings語錄 like,
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一些俗語像是
01:03
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle處理,'
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『上帝絕不會給你超過你能負荷的試煉。』
01:07
but children孩子 like ours我們的
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但像我們家的孩子,
01:09
are not preordained注定 as a gift禮品.
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卻不註定是禮物。
01:13
They're a gift禮品 because that's what we have chosen選擇."
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他們之所以為禮物,
只因是我們所選擇的。」
01:18
We make those choices選擇 all our lives生活.
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我們一生都在做這種決定。
01:22
When I was in second第二 grade年級,
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當我國小二年級時,
01:25
Bobby鮑比 Finkel芬克爾 had a birthday生日 party派對
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巴比.芬可辦了個慶生會,
01:27
and invited邀請 everyone大家 in our class but me.
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並邀請全班參加,除了我以外。
01:32
My mother母親 assumed假定 there
had been some sort分類 of error錯誤,
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我媽以為或許是哪裡弄錯,
01:34
and she called Mrs太太. Finkel芬克爾,
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所以打給芬可的媽媽。
01:36
who said that Bobby鮑比 didn't like me
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她卻告訴我母親,巴比不喜歡我,
01:38
and didn't want me at his party派對.
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所以不要我參加他的慶生會。
01:42
And that day, my mom媽媽 took me to the zoo動物園
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當天,我媽帶我到動物園,
01:45
and out for a hot fudge做傻事 sundae聖代.
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還買了個熔岩巧克力聖代給我。
01:48
When I was in seventh第七 grade年級,
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我國一時,
01:49
one of the kids孩子 on my school學校 bus總線
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校車上有位同學
01:52
nicknamed綽號 me "Percy珀西"
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替我取了綽號「波西」
01:54
as a shorthand速記 for my demeanor風度,
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來取笑我的言行舉止。
01:56
and sometimes有時, he and his cohort隊列
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有時候,他和同夥
01:59
would chant that provocation挑釁
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會不斷覆頌這詞。
02:02
the entire整個 school學校 bus總線 ride,
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整段來回學校的公車上,
02:03
45 minutes分鐘 up, 45 minutes分鐘 back,
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45 分鐘上學、45 分鐘放學的路上,
02:07
"Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西!"
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不斷喊:「波西!波西!波西!」
02:12
When I was in eighth第八 grade年級,
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我國二時,
02:14
our science科學 teacher老師 told us
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科學課的老師說
02:16
that all male homosexuals同性戀者
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所有男同性戀
02:18
develop發展 fecal糞便 incontinence失禁
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都會大便失禁,
02:20
because of the trauma外傷 to their anal肛門 sphincter括約肌.
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因為肛門括約肌的損傷。
02:25
And I graduated畢業 high school學校
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我高中畢業以前
02:26
without ever going to the cafeteria自助餐館,
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從沒去過學校餐廳,
02:29
where I would have satSAT with the girls女孩
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因為如果去了,
我也會跟女生坐在一起,
02:31
and been laughed笑了 at for doing so,
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然後因此被取笑;
02:33
or satSAT with the boys男孩
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或是與男生坐一起,
02:35
and been laughed笑了 at for being存在 a boy男孩
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然後被取笑
我是個該跟女生坐一塊的男孩子。
02:37
who should be sitting坐在 with the girls女孩.
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02:39
I survived倖存 that childhood童年 through通過 a mix混合
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我之所以安然度過童年,
都是透過逃避跟忍受。
02:42
of avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力.
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02:45
What I didn't know then,
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我當時並不知道,
02:47
and do know now,
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而現在已經知道的是,
02:49
is that avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力
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逃避和忍受
02:51
can be the entryway入口 to forging鍛造 meaning含義.
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會是鑄造意義的起點。
02:56
After you've forged偽造的 meaning含義,
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在你鑄造意義之後,
02:58
you need to incorporate合併 that meaning含義
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需要將這意義
03:00
into a new identity身分.
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融入到新的身分中。
03:02
You need to take the traumas創傷 and make them part部分
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你需要讓經歷過的創傷
成為自己的一部分,
03:06
of who you've come to be,
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03:08
and you need to fold the worst最差 events事件 of your life
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並將人生中經歷過的最糟事件
03:11
into a narrative敘述 of triumph勝利,
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化為勝利的故事,
03:13
evincing表明放棄 a better self
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成為更好的自己,
03:15
in response響應 to things that hurt傷害.
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以回應那些曾傷害你的事。
03:18
One of the other mothers母親 I interviewed採訪
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我寫書時所訪談過的
03:20
when I was working加工 on my book
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其中一位母親
03:22
had been raped強姦 as an adolescent青少年,
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在青少年時期曾被強暴,
03:25
and had a child兒童 following以下 that rape強姦,
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還因此懷孕生子,
03:28
which哪一個 had thrown拋出 away her career事業 plans計劃
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讓她必須從此拋棄原有的事業計劃,
03:31
and damaged破損 all of her emotional情緒化 relationships關係.
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且重創了她所有的感情關係。
03:35
But when I met會見 her, she was 50,
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當我認識她時,她 50 歲,
03:38
and I said to her,
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我告訴她:
03:39
"Do you often經常 think about the man who raped強姦 you?"
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「妳會時常想起強暴妳的那個人嗎?」
03:42
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger憤怒,
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她回答:「我以前想到他會滿腔怒火,
03:46
but now only with pity可憐."
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但現在只會可憐他。」
03:48
And I thought she meant意味著 pity可憐 because he was
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我本想,她說的可憐是覺得
03:51
so unevolved未演化 as to have doneDONE this terrible可怕 thing.
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強暴犯野蠻到會做出這種事。
03:54
And I said, "Pity可憐?"
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我問:「可憐?」
03:56
And she said, "Yes,
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她說:「是啊,
03:57
because he has a beautiful美麗 daughter女兒
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因為他有這麼漂亮的女兒,
04:00
and two beautiful美麗 grandchildren孫子
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以及兩位可愛的小孫子,
04:02
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
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卻一點都不知道,而我知道。
04:06
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky幸運 one."
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所以我其實才是幸運的那一個。」
04:12
Some of our struggles鬥爭 are things we're born天生 to:
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我們面臨到的有些掙扎是天生的:
04:15
our gender性別, our sexuality性慾, our race種族, our disability失能.
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性別、性向、種族、殘疾。
04:21
And some are things that happen發生 to us:
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有些則是後天的:
04:23
being存在 a political政治 prisoner囚犯, being存在 a rape強姦 victim受害者,
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政治犯、性侵被害者、
04:27
being存在 a Katrina卡特里娜 survivor倖存者.
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卡崔娜颶風生還者。
04:29
Identity身分 involves涉及 entering進入 a community社區
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建立身分需要進到一個社群,
04:32
to draw strength強度 from that community社區,
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從那社群中找尋力量,
04:35
and to give strength強度 there too.
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並給予社群力量。
04:37
It involves涉及 substituting "and" for "but" --
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需要用「而且」代替「但是」,
04:42
not "I am here but I have cancer癌症,"
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不要說:「我還活著,但我患有癌症。」
04:46
but rather, "I have cancer癌症 and I am here."
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而是說:「我患有癌症,而我還活著。」
04:51
When we're ashamed羞愧,
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當我們羞愧的時候,
04:53
we can't tell our stories故事,
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我們就無法述說自己的故事,
04:55
and stories故事 are the foundation基礎 of identity身分.
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而這些故事正是身分的基礎。
05:00
Forge鍛造 meaning含義, build建立 identity身分,
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鑄造意義、建立身分;
05:04
forge鍛造 meaning含義 and build建立 identity身分.
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鑄造意義、建立身分。
05:07
That became成為 my mantra口頭禪.
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這變成了我的咒語。
05:10
Forging鍛造 meaning含義 is about changing改變 yourself你自己.
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鑄造意義是關於改變自己;
05:13
Building建造 identity身分 is about changing改變 the world世界.
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建立身分是關於改變世界。
05:17
All of us with stigmatized污名化 identities身份
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身分被汙名化的所有人
05:19
face面對 this question daily日常:
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每天都面對這個問題:
05:21
how much to accommodate容納 society社會
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為了融入社會
05:24
by constraining制約 ourselves我們自己,
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要限制自己多少?
05:26
and how much to break打破 the limits範圍
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要打破多少限制
05:29
of what constitutes構成 a valid有效 life?
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才能活出一個真正的人生?
05:32
Forging鍛造 meaning含義 and building建造 identity身分
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鑄造意義和建立身分
05:35
does not make what was wrong錯誤 right.
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並不會顛倒是非,
05:38
It only makes品牌 what was wrong錯誤 precious珍貴.
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只會讓錯變得更寶貴。
05:43
In January一月 of this year,
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今年一月
05:45
I went to Myanmar緬甸 to interview訪問 political政治 prisoners囚犯,
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我到緬甸訪問政治犯。
05:49
and I was surprised詫異 to find them less bitter
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我感到意外的是,
05:52
than I'd anticipated預期.
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他們比我想像中的還怡然自得。
05:53
Most of them had knowingly有意識 committed提交
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大部分的政治犯
明知道他們所犯下的罪
05:55
the offenses罪行 that landed登陸 them in prison監獄,
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會讓他們進監獄,
05:58
and they had walked in with their heads held保持 high,
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但仍昂首地走進獄中,
06:01
and they walked out with their heads
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多年後同樣
昂首地走出來。
06:03
still held保持 high, many許多 years年份 later後來.
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06:07
Dr博士. Ma ThidaThida, a leading領導 human人的 rights權利 activist活動家
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馬蒂妲醫生是人權積極分子,
06:10
who had nearly幾乎 died死亡 in prison監獄
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她差點死在監獄中,
06:12
and had spent花費 many許多 years年份 in solitary confinement坐月子,
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且有好幾年都在單獨監禁中度過。
06:15
told me she was grateful感激 to her jailers獄卒
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她告訴我,她很感激那些獄吏
06:19
for the time she had had to think,
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讓她有時間思考、
06:21
for the wisdom智慧 she had gained獲得,
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讓她更有智慧、
06:23
for the chance機會 to hone磨練 her meditation冥想 skills技能.
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讓她有機會增進冥想技巧。
06:27
She had sought追捧 meaning含義
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她也尋求這其中的意義,
06:29
and made製作 her travail陣痛 into a crucial關鍵 identity身分.
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並將痛苦轉為很重要的一種身分。
06:33
But if the people I met會見
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但如果我遇見的這些人
06:35
were less bitter than I'd anticipated預期
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對於身在監獄
06:37
about being存在 in prison監獄,
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比我想像中的更加泰然,
06:38
they were also less thrilled高興 than I'd expected預期
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那他們也比我預料中的更不期待
06:41
about the reform改革 process處理 going on
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他們國家所經歷的改革過程。
06:43
in their country國家.
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06:45
Ma ThidaThida said,
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馬蒂妲說:
06:47
"We Burmese緬甸語 are noted注意
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「我們緬甸人很著名的是
06:48
for our tremendous巨大 grace恩典 under pressure壓力,
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面對壓力時所展現的無比優雅,
06:52
but we also have grievance不平 under glamour魅力,"
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但在我們的光環底下也有委屈。」
06:56
she said, "and the fact事實 that there have been
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她說:「而事實是,
這些轉換和改變
06:58
these shifts轉變 and changes變化
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07:00
doesn't erase抹去 the continuing繼續 problems問題
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並不會消弭我們社會中
07:02
in our society社會
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一直存在的問題,
07:04
that we learned學到了 to see so well
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我們在監獄中的時候,
07:06
while we were in prison監獄."
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把這些問題都看清了。」
07:08
And I understood了解 her to be saying
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我認為她的意思是
07:10
that concessions讓步 confer授予 only a little humanity人性,
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在人性需要真正能顯現的地方,
07:14
where full充分 humanity人性 is due應有,
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妥協只賦予一丁點人性,
07:16
that crumbs are not the same相同
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就像給人麵包屑,
07:18
as a place地點 at the table,
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不等於可以坐上桌一樣。
07:20
which哪一個 is to say you can forge鍛造 meaning含義
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也就是說,你可以鑄造意義
07:23
and build建立 identity身分 and still be mad as hell地獄.
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並建立身分,
同時還是滿腔怒火。
我沒有被強暴過,
07:29
I've never been raped強姦,
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07:31
and I've never been in anything
remotely遠程 approaching接近
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也從來沒有做過任何
07:34
a Burmese緬甸語 prison監獄,
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會被關進緬甸監獄的事。
07:36
but as a gay同性戀者 American美國,
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但身為同性戀的美國人,
07:37
I've experienced有經驗的 prejudice偏見 and even hatred,
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我經歷過偏見甚至仇恨,
07:42
and I've forged偽造的 meaning含義 and I've built內置 identity身分,
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我鑄造過意義也建立過身分,
07:46
which哪一個 is a move移動 I learned學到了 from people
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這是我從那些
07:48
who had experienced有經驗的 far worse更差 privation困苦
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比我經歷過更糟糕處境的人身上
學到的對策。
07:51
than I've ever known已知.
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07:53
In my own擁有 adolescence青春期,
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我自己的青少年時期,
07:55
I went to extreme極端 lengths長度 to try to be straight直行.
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也曾為了改變性向而做出極端之舉。
07:59
I enrolled就讀 myself in something called
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我參與了一種
08:01
sexual有性 surrogacy代孕 therapy治療,
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性向替代療法。
08:03
in which哪一個 people I was encouraged鼓勵 to call doctors醫生
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裡面有所謂的醫生,
08:07
prescribed規定 what I was encouraged鼓勵 to call exercises演習
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需要做所謂的療法,
08:10
with women婦女 I was encouraged鼓勵 to call surrogates代理人,
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對象是所謂的女性代理人,
08:14
who were not exactly究竟 prostitutes妓女
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這些代理人不算妓女,
08:17
but who were also not exactly究竟 anything else其他.
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但也不算是其他別的。
08:20
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:24
My particular特定 favorite喜愛
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我最喜歡的代理人
08:26
was a blonde金發 woman女人 from the Deep South
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是一位來自南方腹地的金髮女人,
08:28
who eventually終於 admitted承認 to me
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後來終於跟我承認
08:30
that she was really a necrophiliac戀屍癖
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她有戀屍癖,
08:32
and had taken採取 this job工作 after she got in trouble麻煩
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她之所以會做這份工作,
是因為她在停屍間遇到了點麻煩。
08:35
down at the morgue停屍房.
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08:37
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:43
These experiences經驗 eventually終於 allowed允許 me to have
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這種經驗終究讓我
08:46
some happy快樂 physical物理 relationships關係 with women婦女,
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跟女性有種蠻愉悅的肢體關係,
08:49
for which哪一個 I'm grateful感激,
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對此我很感激,
08:50
but I was at war戰爭 with myself,
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但我陷入與自己的戰爭中,
08:53
and I dug terrible可怕 wounds傷口 into my own擁有 psyche精神.
189
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也在我心底埋下很深的創傷。
08:58
We don't seek尋求 the painful痛苦 experiences經驗
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我們並不找尋
會鑿開身分的痛苦經驗,
09:01
that hew our identities身份,
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09:04
but we seek尋求 our identities身份
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但我們尋找的身分
09:06
in the wake喚醒 of painful痛苦 experiences經驗.
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是尾隨痛苦經驗而來的。
09:09
We cannot不能 bear a pointless無意義 torment折磨,
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我們無法承受無意義的折磨,
09:12
but we can endure忍受 great pain疼痛
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但我們可以忍受極大的痛苦,
09:14
if we believe that it's purposeful有目的的.
196
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只要我們相信這是有意義的。
09:18
Ease緩解 makes品牌 less of an impression印象 on us
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泰然在我們身上留下的印記
09:20
than struggle鬥爭.
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比掙扎更淺。
09:21
We could have been ourselves我們自己 without our delights美食,
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沒有喜樂我們還是可以做自己,
09:24
but not without the misfortunes不幸
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但沒了驅使我們
09:26
that drive駕駛 our search搜索 for meaning含義.
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找尋意義的厄運那就做不到。
09:29
"Therefore因此, I take pleasure樂趣 in infirmities軟弱,"
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「因此,我以軟弱為歡喜,」
09:33
St. Paul保羅 wrote in Second第二 Corinthians科林蒂安,
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聖保羅在哥林多後書裡寫道,
09:35
"for when I am weak, then I am strong強大."
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「因為當我軟弱時,我就能變得剛強。」
09:39
In 1988, I went to Moscow莫斯科
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1988 年,我去了莫斯科
09:42
to interview訪問 artists藝術家 of the Soviet蘇聯 underground地下,
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訪問蘇聯地鐵的藝術家,
09:46
and I expected預期 their work to be
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我期望他們的作品是
09:47
dissident持不同政見 and political政治.
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充滿異議及政治的。
09:50
But the radicalism激進主義 in their work actually其實 lay鋪設
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但他們作品中的激進
其實是為了將人性重放回社會中,
09:53
in reinserting重新插入 humanity人性 into a society社會
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09:56
that was annihilating殲敵 humanity人性 itself本身,
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因為這個社會正在泯滅人性,
09:58
as, in some senses感官, Russian俄語 society社會
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某些方面看來,
這樣的事在俄羅斯社會正在重演。
10:01
is now doing again.
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10:03
One of the artists藝術家 I met會見 said to me,
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其中一位藝術家告訴我:
10:05
"We were in training訓練 to be not artists藝術家 but angels天使."
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「我們被訓練做天使,而非藝術家」。
10:10
In 1991, I went back to see the artists藝術家
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1991 年,我又回去
見了這些我筆下的藝術家,
10:13
I'd been writing寫作 about,
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10:14
and I was with them during the putsch政變
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當推翻蘇聯的政變發生時,
10:16
that ended結束 the Soviet蘇聯 Union聯盟,
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我正與他們在一起,
10:18
and they were among其中 the chief首席 organizers組織者
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他們也與推動政變的主要發起人一起。
10:21
of the resistance抵抗性 to that putsch政變.
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10:24
And on the third第三 day of the putsch政變,
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政變第三天,
10:27
one of them suggested建議 we walk步行 up to Smolenskaya斯摩棱斯克.
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有人建議我們走到斯摩棱斯克。
10:30
And we went there,
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我們到那時,
10:31
and we arranged安排 ourselves我們自己 in
front面前 of one of the barricades路障,
225
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3259
在路障前面找個位置待著。
10:35
and a little while later後來,
226
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一會兒過後,
10:36
a column of tanks坦克 rolled熱軋 up,
227
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一排坦克車過來,
10:39
and the soldier士兵 on the front面前 tank坦克 said,
228
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第一輛坦克車上的士兵說:
10:41
"We have unconditional無條件的 orders命令
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2204
「我們有令,
10:43
to destroy破壞 this barricade.
230
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不論如何都要破壞這些柵欄。
10:44
If you get out of the way,
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如果你們現在讓開,
10:46
we don't need to hurt傷害 you,
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那我們就不會傷害你們。
10:48
but if you won't慣於 move移動, we'll have no choice選擇
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但如果你們不走,
我們只能將你們輾過去,別無他擇。」
10:50
but to run you down."
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1713
10:51
And the artists藝術家 I was with said,
235
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1852
我身邊的藝術家就說:
10:53
"Give us just a minute分鐘.
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「給我們一分鐘,
10:54
Give us just a minute分鐘 to tell you why we're here."
237
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就一分鐘,述說我們來此的原因。」
10:59
And the soldier士兵 folded折疊 his arms武器,
238
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那位士兵雙手在胸前交叉,
11:01
and the artist藝術家 launched推出 into a
Jeffersonian杰斐遜 panegyric to democracy民主
239
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4600
然後藝術家唸了傑佛遜的民主頌詞,
11:05
such這樣 as those of us who live生活
240
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1858
我們這些
11:07
in a Jeffersonian杰斐遜 democracy民主
241
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1921
住在傑佛遜式民主國家的人
11:09
would be hard-pressed捉襟見肘 to present當下.
242
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都還唸不出來的頌詞。
11:13
And they went on and on,
243
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他們一直說下去,
11:14
and the soldier士兵 watched看著,
244
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2003
而士兵也看著,
11:16
and then he satSAT there for a full充分 minute分鐘
245
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1729
他聽完後,
11:18
after they were finished
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在那裡坐滿一分鐘,
11:20
and looked看著 at us so bedraggled荒廢 in the rain,
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就在雨中看著滿是泥濘的我們,
11:22
and said, "What you have said is true真正,
248
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說道:
「你們說的是事實,
而我們必須遵從人民的意志。
11:26
and we must必須 bow to the will of the people.
249
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3616
11:30
If you'll你會 clear明確 enough足夠 space空間 for us to turn around,
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如果你們願意讓路讓我們掉頭,
11:32
we'll go back the way we came來了."
251
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那我們會照原路回去。」
11:35
And that's what they did.
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他們也確實這麼做了。
11:37
Sometimes有時, forging鍛造 meaning含義
253
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有時候,鑄造意義
11:39
can give you the vocabulary詞彙 you need
254
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可以給你所需的詞彙,
11:42
to fight鬥爭 for your ultimate最終 freedom自由.
255
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讓你爭取最終的自由。
11:45
Russia俄國 awakened驚醒 me to the lemonade檸檬汽水 notion概念
256
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3155
俄羅斯讓我想到檸檬汁的概念,
11:48
that oppression壓迫 breeds品種 the power功率 to oppose反對 it,
257
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2554
壓榨只會助長反對勢力,
11:51
and I gradually逐漸 understood了解 that as the cornerstone基石
258
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3426
而我漸漸了解
這就是身分的基石。
11:54
of identity身分.
259
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11:55
It took identity身分 to rescue拯救 me from sadness.
260
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身分將我從悲傷中拯救出來。
12:00
The gay同性戀者 rights權利 movement運動 posits的posits a world世界
261
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2116
在同志權運動所設想的世界裡,
12:02
in which哪一個 my aberrancesaberrances are a victory勝利.
262
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2851
我的缺陷是種勝利。
12:05
Identity身分 politics政治 always works作品 on two fronts戰線:
263
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3628
身分政治總有兩個目標:
12:09
to give pride自豪 to people who have a given特定 condition條件
264
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3055
讓有特殊情況或特徵的人自豪,
12:12
or characteristic特性,
265
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1457
12:13
and to cause原因 the outside world世界
266
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1676
以及讓外面的世界
12:15
to treat對待 such這樣 people more gently平緩 and more kindly和藹.
267
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3528
以更溫和的方式善待那些人。
12:18
Those are two totally完全 separate分離 enterprises企業,
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3518
這是兩種很不同的目標,
12:22
but progress進展 in each sphere領域
269
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1825
但不管是哪一邊的進展,
12:24
reverberates宛轉 in the other.
270
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都能在另一邊得到回響。
12:26
Identity身分 politics政治 can be narcissistic自戀.
271
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3749
身分政治也可以是很自戀的。
12:30
People extol稱賞 a difference區別 only because it's theirs他們的.
272
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3328
人們吹捧與眾不同,
只因為他們就是如此。
12:33
People narrow狹窄 the world世界 and function功能
273
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2399
人們窄化個別群體的世界及功能,
12:36
in discrete離散的 groups without empathy同情 for one another另一個.
274
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3051
對他人沒有同理心。
12:39
But properly正確 understood了解
275
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2485
但只要充分理解
12:41
and wisely明智 practiced,
276
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1921
並聰明執行,
12:43
identity身分 politics政治 should expand擴大
277
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1991
身分政治應該可以
擴展我們對於人性的想法。
12:45
our idea理念 of what it is to be human人的.
278
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2527
12:48
Identity身分 itself本身
279
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1718
身分本身
12:49
should be not a smug躊躇滿志 label標籤
280
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2549
不應該是沾沾自喜的標籤,
12:52
or a gold medal勳章
281
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2084
也不該是金牌,
12:54
but a revolution革命.
282
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2473
而是革命。
12:56
I would have had an easier更輕鬆 life if I were straight直行,
283
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3566
如果我是異性戀,那我的生活會輕鬆些,
13:00
but I would not be me,
284
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1797
但那就不會是我了。
13:02
and I now like being存在 myself better
285
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2665
現在,我更喜歡做自己,
13:04
than the idea理念 of being存在 someone有人 else其他,
286
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2053
而非成為其他人的想法,
13:07
someone有人 who, to be honest誠實,
287
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1648
老實說那樣的人,
13:08
I have neither也不 the option選項 of being存在
288
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2084
我不只根本當不成,
13:10
nor也不 the ability能力 fully充分 to imagine想像.
289
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2477
也無法想像他們的生活。
13:13
But if you banish放逐 the dragons小龍,
290
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2152
但如果你驅除惡龍,
13:15
you banish放逐 the heroes英雄,
291
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2565
你也驅逐了英雄,
13:17
and we become成為 attached
292
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1541
我們也會變得依賴
13:19
to the heroic英勇 strain應變 in our own擁有 lives生活.
293
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3128
自己生命中英雄特質。
13:22
I've sometimes有時 wondered想知道
294
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1281
我有時候會想
13:23
whether是否 I could have ceased停止
to hate討厭 that part部分 of myself
295
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2782
我有沒有辦法停止憎恨那部分的自己,
13:26
without gay同性戀者 pride's驕傲的 technicolor彩色印片法 fiesta節日,
296
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2581
不需藉由同志自豪日的豔麗慶典,
13:29
of which哪一個 this speech言語 is one manifestation表現.
297
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4501
而這場演講就是其中一種表現方式。
13:33
I used to think I would know myself to be mature成熟
298
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2897
我之前認為自己真正成長的時候,
13:36
when I could simply只是 be gay同性戀者 without emphasis重點,
299
804465
2854
就是我能不多強調
自己同志身分地當同志,
13:39
but the self-loathing自我厭惡 of that period left a void空虛,
300
807319
3909
但那時期的自我厭惡
留下了一塊空白,
13:43
and celebration慶典 needs需求 to fill and overflow溢出 it,
301
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3735
需要歡樂的事來填滿它,
13:47
and even if I repay償還 my private私人的 debt債務 of melancholy愁緒,
302
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3694
但即使我還清自己的悲傷債,
13:50
there's still an outer world世界 of homophobia同性戀
303
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2756
外面還是有恐懼同志的世界,
13:53
that it will take decades幾十年 to address地址.
304
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2889
這需要幾十年的時間解決。
13:56
Someday日後, being存在 gay同性戀者 will be a simple簡單 fact事實,
305
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3315
有一天,
當同性戀只會是個簡單的事實,
13:59
free自由 of party派對 hats帽子 and blame,
306
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2849
沒有區分與指責。
14:02
but not yet然而.
307
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但這天還沒到。
14:04
A friend朋友 of mine who thought gay同性戀者 pride自豪
308
831984
2749
我有個朋友覺得
同志自豪日好像辦得越來越過火,
14:06
was getting得到 very carried攜帶的 away with itself本身,
309
834733
1914
14:08
once一旦 suggested建議 that we organize組織
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1564
然後建議我們舉辦
14:10
Gay同性戀者 Humility謙遜 Week.
311
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2022
同志謙遜週。
14:12
(Laughter笑聲) (Applause掌聲)
312
840233
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(笑聲)(掌聲)
14:18
It's a great idea理念,
313
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2195
這想法很好,
14:21
but its time has not yet然而 come.
314
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2429
但時候未到。
14:23
(Laughter笑聲)
315
851267
1985
(笑聲)
14:25
And neutrality中立, which哪一個 seems似乎 to lie謊言
316
853252
2199
還有中立性,
看似就位在絕望與慶祝中間,
14:27
halfway between之間 despair絕望 and celebration慶典,
317
855451
2754
14:30
is actually其實 the endgame結束遊戲.
318
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3186
其實就是終局。
14:33
In 29 states狀態 in the U.S.,
319
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在美國的 29 州裡,
14:36
I could legally法律上 be fired解僱 or denied否認 housing住房
320
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3262
我可以被合法開除或拒絕居住,
14:39
for being存在 gay同性戀者.
321
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2166
就因為我是同性戀。
14:41
In Russia俄國, the anti-propaganda反宣傳 law
322
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2621
在俄羅斯,反宣傳法
14:44
has led to people being存在 beaten毆打 in the streets街道.
323
871960
2977
導致有人在街頭被打死。
14:47
Twenty-seven二十七 African非洲人 countries國家
324
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2056
27 個非洲國家
14:49
have passed通過 laws法律 against反對 sodomy雞姦,
325
876993
2898
通過了禁止肛交的法律。
14:52
and in Nigeria尼日利亞, gay同性戀者 people can legally法律上
326
879891
2239
而在奈及利亞,
同志可以合法地被投石致死,
14:54
be stoned砸死 to death死亡,
327
882130
1458
14:55
and lynchings私刑 have become成為 common共同.
328
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私刑也越來越常見。
14:58
In Saudi沙特 Arabia阿拉伯 recently最近, two men男人
329
886278
3090
最近在沙烏地阿拉伯,
兩名男子發生性行為被抓個正著,
15:01
who had been caught抓住 in carnal肉體 acts行為,
330
889368
1905
15:03
were sentenced判刑 to 7,000 lashes睫毛 each,
331
891273
4667
因此各被判七千下鞭刑,
15:08
and are now permanently永久 disabled as a result結果.
332
895940
3399
導致他們現在終身殘廢。
15:11
So who can forge鍛造 meaning含義
333
899339
1871
所以誰可以鑄造意義,
15:13
and build建立 identity身分?
334
901210
2780
並建立身分?
15:16
Gay同性戀者 rights權利 are not primarily主要 marriage婚姻 rights權利,
335
903990
3327
同志權不只有婚姻權,
15:19
and for the millions百萬 who live生活 in unacceptingunaccepting places地方
336
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2936
對於在其他不接受同性戀國家的上百萬人,
15:22
with no resources資源,
337
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2177
他們沒有資源,
15:24
dignity尊嚴 remains遺跡 elusive難以捉摸.
338
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2480
也毫無尊嚴。
15:27
I am lucky幸運 to have forged偽造的 meaning含義
339
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3012
我很幸運可以鑄造意義
15:30
and built內置 identity身分,
340
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2066
並建立身分,
15:32
but that's still a rare罕見 privilege特權,
341
919988
2297
但這是很罕見的特權,
15:34
and gay同性戀者 people deserve值得 more collectively
342
922285
2829
同性戀值得更多的公平正義,
15:37
than the crumbs of justice正義.
343
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3436
而不是那一丁點。
15:40
And yet然而, every一切 step forward前鋒
344
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3051
但是這過程的每一步
15:43
is so sweet.
345
931601
2066
都很甜蜜。
15:45
In 2007, six years年份 after we met會見,
346
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3654
2007 年,我們相識六年後,
15:49
my partner夥伴 and I decided決定
347
937321
2057
我的伴侶和我
15:51
to get married已婚.
348
939378
1734
決定結婚。
15:53
Meeting會議 John約翰 had been the discovery發現
349
941112
2182
認識約翰,我找到了
15:55
of great happiness幸福
350
943294
1856
幸福喜樂,
15:57
and also the elimination消除 of great unhappiness不幸,
351
945150
3100
也消除了很多過去的不幸福。
16:00
and sometimes有時, I was so occupied佔據
352
948250
2614
有時候我腦子甚至會一直想著
16:03
with the disappearance消失 of all that pain疼痛
353
950864
2501
那些痛苦的消失,
16:05
that I forgot忘記 about the joy喜悅,
354
953365
2352
而忘記那些喜樂,
16:07
which哪一個 was at first the less
remarkable卓越 part部分 of it to me.
355
955717
3747
因為那起初對我來說
並沒有那麼有印象。
16:11
Marrying was a way to declare宣布 our love
356
959464
2701
結婚是種宣誓我們愛的方式,
16:14
as more a presence存在 than an absence缺席.
357
962165
3986
是證明其存在而非不存在。
16:18
Marriage婚姻 soon不久 led us to children孩子,
358
966151
2452
婚姻很也快地帶來小孩子,
16:20
and that meant意味著 new meanings含義
359
968603
1607
這也就表示新的意義
16:22
and new identities身份, ours我們的 and theirs他們的.
360
970210
4252
與新的身分,我們和他們的身分。
16:26
I want my children孩子 to be happy快樂,
361
974462
2927
我要我的孩子快快樂樂,
16:29
and I love them most achingly心痛 when they are sad傷心.
362
977389
3781
他們難過時,
我對他們的愛也感受得到痛。
16:33
As a gay同性戀者 father父親, I can teach them
363
981170
2680
身為同性戀父親,我可以教他們
16:36
to own擁有 what is wrong錯誤 in their lives生活,
364
983850
2677
面對人生中出錯的部分,
16:38
but I believe that if I succeed成功
365
986527
1793
但我相信,如果我成功地
16:40
in sheltering庇護 them from adversity逆境,
366
988320
2320
保護他們免受逆境之苦,
16:42
I will have failed失敗 as a parent.
367
990640
2890
那我反而是個失敗的父親。
16:45
A Buddhist佛教徒 scholar學者 I know once一旦 explained解釋 to me
368
993530
3068
我認識的一位佛教學者告訴我,
16:48
that Westerners西方人 mistakenly think
369
996598
1969
西方人錯誤地認為
16:50
that nirvana is what arrives到達
370
998567
2355
極樂世界只會在
16:53
when all your woe榮辱與共 is behind背後 you
371
1000922
2743
你所有的悲傷都被拋在腦後時出現,
16:55
and you have only bliss to look forward前鋒 to.
372
1003665
3239
所以你只要期盼喜樂就好。
16:59
But he said that would not be nirvana,
373
1006904
2165
但他說那樣就不是極樂世界了,
17:01
because your bliss in the present當下
374
1009069
1510
因為你當下的喜樂
17:02
would always be shadowed附有陰影 by the joy喜悅 from the past過去.
375
1010579
3999
總會被過去喜樂的陰影所蒙蔽。
17:06
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive到達 at
376
1014578
2830
他說,極樂世界是
17:09
when you have only bliss to look forward前鋒 to
377
1017408
2382
當你以找尋喜樂為目標,
17:11
and find in what looked看著 like sorrows悲傷
378
1019790
2483
且從看似悲傷的情況中
17:14
the seedlings of your joy喜悅.
379
1022273
2853
找到喜樂的種子。
17:17
And I sometimes有時 wonder奇蹟
380
1025126
1711
我有時候會想
17:19
whether是否 I could have found發現 such這樣 fulfillment履行
381
1026837
2393
我能否在婚姻與兒女中找到滿足,
17:21
in marriage婚姻 and children孩子
382
1029230
1462
17:22
if they'd他們會 come more readily容易,
383
1030692
2053
如果他們能來得更加簡單,
17:24
if I'd been straight直行 in my youth青年 or were young年輕 now,
384
1032745
4025
如果我年輕時變成異性戀,
或是現在還年輕,
17:28
in either of which哪一個 cases this might威力 be easier更輕鬆.
385
1036770
3422
不管哪種情況,會不會變得更容易。
17:32
Perhaps也許 I could.
386
1040192
1579
或許會吧。
17:33
Perhaps也許 all the complex複雜 imagining想像 I've doneDONE
387
1041771
2337
或許我所想像的那些複雜內容
17:36
could have been applied應用的 to other topics主題.
388
1044108
2133
可以適用在其他話題上。
17:38
But if seeking meaning含義
389
1046241
1640
但如果尋求意義
17:40
matters事項 more than finding發現 meaning含義,
390
1047881
1857
比找尋意義重要,
17:41
the question is not whether是否 I'd be happier幸福
391
1049738
3363
那問題不會是
我被欺負時會不會快樂一點,
17:45
for having been bullied欺負,
392
1053101
1546
17:46
but whether是否 assigning分配 meaning含義
393
1054647
1672
而是賦予意義
17:48
to those experiences經驗
394
1056319
1735
給那些經驗
17:50
has made製作 me a better father父親.
395
1058054
2416
能不能讓我成為更好的父親。
17:52
I tend趨向 to find the ecstasy狂喜 hidden in ordinary普通 joys歡樂,
396
1060470
4008
我常在平凡的喜樂中
找到令人狂喜的事,
17:56
because I did not expect期望 those joys歡樂
397
1064478
1959
因為我並沒有想到那些喜樂
17:58
to be ordinary普通 to me.
398
1066437
2528
對我來說是平凡的。
18:01
I know many許多 heterosexuals異性戀 who have
399
1068965
1817
我知道很多異性戀的人
18:02
equally一樣 happy快樂 marriages婚姻 and families家庭,
400
1070782
2266
有很快樂的婚姻與家庭,
18:05
but gay同性戀者 marriage婚姻 is so breathtakingly驚人的 fresh新鮮,
401
1073048
2861
但同性戀婚姻有如一股清流,
18:08
and gay同性戀者 families家庭 so exhilaratingly令人欣喜 new,
402
1075909
3304
同性戀家庭也很新穎,
18:11
and I found發現 meaning含義 in that surprise.
403
1079213
4259
在這樣的驚喜中,我也找到意義。
18:15
In October十月, it was my 50th birthday生日,
404
1083472
3438
我十月時度過 50 歲生日,
18:19
and my family家庭 organized有組織的 a party派對 for me,
405
1086910
3218
家人替我辦了慶生會。
18:22
and in the middle中間 of it,
406
1090128
1489
到一半的時候,
18:23
my son兒子 said to my husband丈夫
407
1091617
1417
我兒子告訴我丈夫,
18:25
that he wanted to make a speech言語,
408
1093034
1666
他想要發表演講,
18:26
and John約翰 said,
409
1094700
994
約翰告訴他:
18:27
"George喬治, you can't make a speech言語. You're four."
410
1095694
4622
「喬治,你不會演講啦,你才四歲。」
18:32
(Laughter笑聲)
411
1100316
1514
(笑聲)
18:34
"Only Grandpa爺爺 and Uncle叔叔 David大衛 and I
412
1101830
2336
「只有爺爺、大衛叔叔和我
18:36
are going to make speeches演講 tonight今晚."
413
1104166
2049
今晚可以演講。」
18:38
But George喬治 insisted堅持 and insisted堅持,
414
1106215
2905
但喬治不斷堅持,
18:41
and finally最後, John約翰 took him up to the microphone麥克風,
415
1109120
3003
約翰才終於把麥克風交給他,
18:44
and George喬治 said very loudly高聲,
416
1112123
3056
然後喬治很大聲地說:
18:47
"Ladies女士們 and gentlemen紳士,
417
1115179
2444
「各位先生女士,
18:49
may可能 I have your attention注意 please."
418
1117623
2582
請大家注意我這邊。」
18:52
And everyone大家 turned轉身 around, startled.
419
1120205
2715
大家嚇了一跳,轉頭看他。
18:55
And George喬治 said,
420
1122920
2107
然後喬治說:
18:57
"I'm glad高興 it's Daddy's爸爸的 birthday生日.
421
1125027
2331
「我很高興今天是爸爸生日。
18:59
I'm glad高興 we all get cake蛋糕.
422
1127358
3441
我很高興大家都有蛋糕。
19:02
And daddy, if you were little,
423
1130799
3158
爸爸,如果你現在還是小朋友,
19:06
I'd be your friend朋友."
424
1133957
3267
那我願意當你的朋友。」
19:09
And I thought — Thank you.
425
1137770
2831
我想──謝謝。
19:12
I thought that I was indebted感激的
426
1140601
2299
我想我也要感謝
19:15
even to Bobby鮑比 Finkel芬克爾,
427
1142900
1795
巴比.芬可,
19:16
because all those earlier experiences經驗
428
1144695
2737
因為過去的那些經驗
19:19
were what had propelled推進的 me to this moment時刻,
429
1147432
2368
才讓我有現在這一刻,
19:22
and I was finally最後 unconditionally無條件 grateful感激
430
1149800
2532
我終於能夠無條件地感激現在的生活,
19:24
for a life I'd once一旦 have doneDONE anything to change更改.
431
1152332
3775
這個我曾經願意不顧一切改變的人生。
19:28
The gay同性戀者 activist活動家 Harvey哈維 Milk牛奶
432
1156107
2045
同性戀積極分子哈維.米爾克
19:30
was once一旦 asked by a younger更年輕 gay同性戀者 man
433
1158152
2528
曾經被年輕的同性戀男子問,
19:32
what he could do to help the movement運動,
434
1160680
2216
他能做什麼幫忙同性戀活動。
19:35
and Harvey哈維 Milk牛奶 said,
435
1162896
1411
哈維.米爾克回答:
19:36
"Go out and tell someone有人."
436
1164307
2414
「走出去告訴別人吧。」
19:38
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate沒收
437
1166721
2624
總是會有人
想要奪走我們的人性,
19:41
our humanity人性,
438
1169345
1605
19:43
and there are always stories故事 that restore恢復 it.
439
1170950
2788
但也總是有重建人性的故事。
19:45
If we live生活 out loud,
440
1173738
1578
如果我們活得精彩,
19:47
we can trounce打敗 the hatred
441
1175316
1666
我們就能擊敗怨恨
19:49
and expand擴大 everyone's大家的 lives生活.
442
1176982
3414
並充實每個人的生活。
19:52
Forge鍛造 meaning含義. Build建立 identity身分.
443
1180396
3624
鑄造意義;建立身分。
19:56
Forge鍛造 meaning含義.
444
1184020
2073
鑄造意義;
19:58
Build建立 identity身分.
445
1186093
2747
建立身分。
20:01
And then invite邀請 the world世界
446
1188840
1798
然後邀請全世界
20:02
to share分享 your joy喜悅.
447
1190638
1696
來分享你的喜悅。
20:04
Thank you.
448
1192334
3246
謝謝。
20:07
(Applause掌聲)
449
1195580
1426
(掌聲)
20:09
Thank you. (Applause掌聲)
450
1197006
3077
謝謝。(掌聲)
20:12
Thank you. (Applause掌聲)
451
1200083
4099
謝謝。(掌聲)
20:16
Thank you. (Applause掌聲)
452
1204182
4000
謝謝。(掌聲)
Translated by Adrienne Lin
Reviewed by Marssi Draw

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com