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TED2014

Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

Andrew Solomon: Kako nas najgori trenutci u životu čine onime što jesmo

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Pisac Andrew Solomon proveo je karijeru pričajući priče o teškoćama drugih. Sada se okreće prema sebi, dovodeći nas u djetinjstvo borbe, također pričajući priče o hrabrim ljudima koje je upoznao u godinama nakon toga. U potresnom, iskrenom i ponekad zaista smiješnom govoru, Solomon daje moćan poziv na djelovanje kako bismo stvorili značenje u našim najvećim tegobama.

- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

As a student of adversity,
Kako proučavam raznolikost,
00:12
I've been struck over the years
primijetio sam tijekom godina
00:16
by how some people
kako neki ljudi
00:17
with major challenges
s velikim izazovima
00:19
seem to draw strength from them,
naizgled crpe snagu iz njih,
00:21
and I've heard the popular wisdom
i čuo sam popularnu mudrost
00:24
that that has to do with finding meaning.
koja kaže da to ima veze
s pronalaženjem značenja.
00:26
And for a long time,
I dugo vremena,
00:28
I thought the meaning was out there,
mislio sam da je značenje negdje vani,
00:30
some great truth waiting to be found.
neka velika istina koja čeka
da je se otkrije.
00:32
But over time, I've come to feel
No nakon nekog vremena, počeo sam osjećati
00:35
that the truth is irrelevant.
kako je istina nebitna.
00:38
We call it finding meaning,
Zovemo to pronalaženje značenja,
00:40
but we might better call it forging meaning.
ali bolje bi bilo da to nazovemo
lažiranje značenja.
00:42
My last book was about how families
Moja posljednja knjiga govori o obiteljima
00:47
manage to deal with various kinds of challenging
koje se nose s
različitim vrstama izazovnih
00:49
or unusual offspring,
ili neobičnih potomaka,
00:52
and one of the mothers I interviewed,
i jedna od majki koje sam intervjuirao,
00:54
who had two children with
multiple severe disabilities,
koja ima dvoje djece
s višestrukim invaliditetom,
00:56
said to me, "People always give us
rekla mi je, "Ljudi nam uvijek govore
00:59
these little sayings like,
ove male izreke, kao,
01:02
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle,'
'Bog vam ne daje više od onoga
s čim se možete nositi',
01:03
but children like ours
ali djeca kao naša
01:07
are not preordained as a gift.
nisu predodređena kao dar.
01:09
They're a gift because that's what we have chosen."
Dar su jer smo tako odabrali."
01:13
We make those choices all our lives.
Takve izbore donosimo čitav svoj život.
01:18
When I was in second grade,
Kada sam bio u drugom razredu,
01:22
Bobby Finkel had a birthday party
Bobby Finkel imao je rođendansku zabavu
01:25
and invited everyone in our class but me.
i pozvao sve u razredu osim mene.
01:27
My mother assumed there
had been some sort of error,
Moja majka pretpostavila
je da se dogodila neka greška,
01:32
and she called Mrs. Finkel,
i nazvala je gospođu Finkel,
01:34
who said that Bobby didn't like me
koja je rekla da me Bobby ne voli
01:36
and didn't want me at his party.
i nije htio da dođem na zabavu.
01:38
And that day, my mom took me to the zoo
I tog dana, mama me odvela u zoološki vrt
01:42
and out for a hot fudge sundae.
i van na sladoled.
01:45
When I was in seventh grade,
Kada sam bio u sedmom razredu,
01:48
one of the kids on my school bus
jedan od dječaka u školskom busu
01:49
nicknamed me "Percy"
nazvao me "Percy"
01:52
as a shorthand for my demeanor,
kao skraćenicu za moje ponašanje,
01:54
and sometimes, he and his cohort
i ponekad, on i njegova kohorta
01:56
would chant that provocation
uzvikivali bi tu provokaciju
01:59
the entire school bus ride,
cijelu vožnju busom,
02:02
45 minutes up, 45 minutes back,
45 minuta tamo, 45 minuta natrag,
02:03
"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"
"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"
02:07
When I was in eighth grade,
Kada sam bio u osmom razredu
02:12
our science teacher told us
naš profesor rekao je
02:14
that all male homosexuals
da svi muški homoseksualci
02:16
develop fecal incontinence
razviju fekalnu inkontinenciju
02:18
because of the trauma to their anal sphincter.
zbog traume analnog sfinktera.
02:20
And I graduated high school
I maturirao sam iz srednje škole
02:25
without ever going to the cafeteria,
bez da sam ijednom otišao u kafeteriju,
02:26
where I would have sat with the girls
gdje bih sjedio s djevojkama
02:29
and been laughed at for doing so,
zbog čega bi me smijavali,
02:31
or sat with the boys
ili sjedio s momcima
02:33
and been laughed at for being a boy
gdje bi me ismijavali što sam momak
02:35
who should be sitting with the girls.
koji bi trebao sjediti s djevojkama.
02:37
I survived that childhood through a mix
Preživio sam to djetinjstvo
pomoću kombinacije
02:39
of avoidance and endurance.
izbjegavanja i izdržljivosti.
02:42
What I didn't know then,
Ono što nisam tada znao,
02:45
and do know now,
a sada znam,
02:47
is that avoidance and endurance
je da su izbjegavanje i izdržljivost
02:49
can be the entryway to forging meaning.
put prema lažiranju značenja.
02:51
After you've forged meaning,
Kada ste lažirali značenje,
02:56
you need to incorporate that meaning
morate to značenje uključiti
02:58
into a new identity.
u novi identitet.
03:00
You need to take the traumas and make them part
Morate uzeti traume i učiniti ih dijelom
03:02
of who you've come to be,
osobe koja postanete,
03:06
and you need to fold the worst events of your life
i morate složiti najgore događaje
u svom životu
03:08
into a narrative of triumph,
u priču trijumfa,
03:11
evincing a better self
pokazujući boljeg sebe
03:13
in response to things that hurt.
kao odgovor na stvari koje bole.
03:15
One of the other mothers I interviewed
Jedna druga majka koju sam intervjuirao
03:18
when I was working on my book
kada sam radio na svojoj knjizi
03:20
had been raped as an adolescent,
silovana je kao adolescentica,
03:22
and had a child following that rape,
i rodila je nakon tog silovanja,
03:25
which had thrown away her career plans
što je uništilo njene planove o karijeri
03:28
and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
i naštetilo svim njenim
emocionalnim vezama.
03:31
But when I met her, she was 50,
No, kada sam je upoznao, imala je 50,
03:35
and I said to her,
i upitao je,
03:38
"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"
"Razmišljate li često o čovjeku koji vas je silovao?"
03:39
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,
Odgovorila je, "Nekad sam razmišljala
o njemu s ljutnjom,
03:42
but now only with pity."
ali sada ga samo žalim."
03:46
And I thought she meant pity because he was
Mislio sam da ga žali jer je
03:48
so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
bio tako nerazvijen
i učinio tu užasnu stvar.
03:51
And I said, "Pity?"
I rekao sam, "Žalite ga?"
03:54
And she said, "Yes,
I ona je rekla, "Da,
03:56
because he has a beautiful daughter
jer ima prekrasnu kćer
03:57
and two beautiful grandchildren
i dvoje prekrasne unučadi
04:00
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
ali ne zna za to, a ja znam.
04:02
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
Tako da sam ja ta koja je sretna."
04:06
Some of our struggles are things we're born to:
Neke naše borbe su nam urođene:
04:12
our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.
naš spol, naša seksualnost,
naša rasa, naš invaliditet.
04:15
And some are things that happen to us:
A neke su stvari koje nam se dogode:
04:21
being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,
biti politički zatvorenik,
žrtva silovanja,
04:23
being a Katrina survivor.
biti preživjeli nakon uragana Katrine.
04:27
Identity involves entering a community
Identitet traži ulazak u zajednicu
04:29
to draw strength from that community,
kako bismo crpili snagu iz te zajednice,
04:32
and to give strength there too.
i kako bi i njoj dali snagu.
04:35
It involves substituting "and" for "but" --
Uključuje zamjenu "i" za "ali" --
04:37
not "I am here but I have cancer,"
ne "Ovdje sam, ali imam rak."
04:42
but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
već, "Imam rak i ovdje sam."
04:46
When we're ashamed,
Kada nas je sram,
04:51
we can't tell our stories,
ne možemo pričati svoje priče,
04:53
and stories are the foundation of identity.
a priče su osnova identiteta.
04:55
Forge meaning, build identity,
Lažiraj značenje, gradi identitet,
05:00
forge meaning and build identity.
lažiraj značenje i gradi identitet.
05:04
That became my mantra.
To mi je postala mantra.
05:07
Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
Lažiranje značenja važno je
za mijenjanje samog sebe.
05:10
Building identity is about changing the world.
Građenje identiteta važno je
za mijenjanje svijeta.
05:13
All of us with stigmatized identities
Svi mi sa stigmatiziranim idenitetom
05:17
face this question daily:
suočavamo se s ovim pitanjem svaki dan:
05:19
how much to accommodate society
koliko udovoljiti društvu
05:21
by constraining ourselves,
ograničavajući same sebe,
05:24
and how much to break the limits
i koliko probiti granice onoga
05:26
of what constitutes a valid life?
što se smatra ispravnim životom?
05:29
Forging meaning and building identity
Lažiranje značenja i izgradnja identiteta
05:32
does not make what was wrong right.
ne čini ono što je bilo pogrešno ispravnim.
05:35
It only makes what was wrong precious.
Samo čini ono što je pogrešno dragocjenim.
05:38
In January of this year,
U siječnju ove godine,
05:43
I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,
otišao sam u Mijanmar kako
bih intervjuirao političke zatvorenike,
05:45
and I was surprised to find them less bitter
i iznenadio sam se kada
sam shvatio da su manje ogorčeni
05:49
than I'd anticipated.
nego što sam očekivao.
05:52
Most of them had knowingly committed
Većina ih je svjesno počinila
05:53
the offenses that landed them in prison,
prekršaje koji su ih doveli u zatvor,
05:55
and they had walked in with their heads held high,
i ušli su visoko uzdignutih glava,
05:58
and they walked out with their heads
i izašli su visoko uzdignutih glava
06:01
still held high, many years later.
godinama nakon toga.
06:03
Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist
Dr. Ma Thida, vodeća
aktivistica za ljudska prava
06:07
who had nearly died in prison
koja je skoro umrla u zatvoru
06:10
and had spent many years in solitary confinement,
i provela mnoge godine u samici,
06:12
told me she was grateful to her jailers
rekla mi je da je zahvalna
onima koji su je pritvorili
06:15
for the time she had had to think,
zbog vremena koje je imala da razmišlja,
06:19
for the wisdom she had gained,
zbog mudrosti koju je stekla,
06:21
for the chance to hone her meditation skills.
za šansu da usavrši svoje meditacijske vještine.
06:23
She had sought meaning
Tražila je značenje
06:27
and made her travail into a crucial identity.
i svoje nedaće pretvorila u krucijalni identitet.
06:29
But if the people I met
Ali ljudi koje sam upoznao
06:33
were less bitter than I'd anticipated
bili su neočekivano manje ogorčeni
06:35
about being in prison,
zbog boravka u zatvoru,
06:37
they were also less thrilled than I'd expected
također su bili i manje oduševljeni
nego što sam očekivao
06:38
about the reform process going on
oko procesa reforme koji se događa
06:41
in their country.
u njihovoj zemlji.
06:43
Ma Thida said,
Ma Thida je rekla,
06:45
"We Burmese are noted
"Mi Burmanci poznati smo
06:47
for our tremendous grace under pressure,
po našoj nevjerojatnoj
gracioznosti pod pritiskom,
06:48
but we also have grievance under glamour,"
ali i našim "glamuroznim" trpljenjem,"
06:52
she said, "and the fact that there have been
rekla je, "i činjenica da postoje
06:56
these shifts and changes
ovi pomaci i promjene
06:58
doesn't erase the continuing problems
ne briše stalne probleme
07:00
in our society
našeg društva
07:02
that we learned to see so well
koje smo naučili vidjeti tako dobro
07:04
while we were in prison."
dok smo bili u zatvoru."
07:06
And I understood her to be saying
I shvatio sam da je govorila
07:08
that concessions confer only a little humanity,
kako ustupci donose samo malo humanosti,
07:10
where full humanity is due,
gdje je potpuna humanost potrebna,
07:14
that crumbs are not the same
da mrvice nisu iste
07:16
as a place at the table,
kao mjesto za stolom,
07:18
which is to say you can forge meaning
što govori da možete lažirati značenje
07:20
and build identity and still be mad as hell.
i graditi identitet i još
uvijek biti strašno ljuti.
07:23
I've never been raped,
Nikad me nisu silovali,
07:29
and I've never been in anything
remotely approaching
i nikad nisam bio u ničem približno
07:31
a Burmese prison,
kao što je burmanski zatvor,
07:34
but as a gay American,
ali kao gej Amerikanac,
07:36
I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,
iskusio sam predrasude i čak i mržnju,
07:37
and I've forged meaning and I've built identity,
i lažirao sam značenje i izgradio identitet,
07:42
which is a move I learned from people
što je potez koji sam naučio od ljudi
07:46
who had experienced far worse privation
koji su iskusili mnogo veću oskudicu
07:48
than I've ever known.
nego što sam ja ikad poznavao.
07:51
In my own adolescence,
U svojoj adolescenciji,
07:53
I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.
išao sam u ekstreme
kako bih bio "straight".
07:55
I enrolled myself in something called
Prijavio sam se na nešto što se zove
07:59
sexual surrogacy therapy,
terapija seksualnim surogatom,
08:01
in which people I was encouraged to call doctors
u kojem su mi ljudi
koje sam trebao zvati liječnicima
08:03
prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises
prepisivali nešto što sam
trebao nazivati vježbe
08:07
with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,
sa ženama koje sam trebao
nazvati surogatima,
08:10
who were not exactly prostitutes
koje nisu bile baš prostitutke
08:14
but who were also not exactly anything else.
ali nisu baš bile ni išta drugo.
08:17
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
08:20
My particular favorite
Meni najdraža
08:24
was a blonde woman from the Deep South
bila je plavuša s Juga
08:26
who eventually admitted to me
koja mi je priznala
08:28
that she was really a necrophiliac
da je zapravo nekrofil
08:30
and had taken this job after she got in trouble
i da je prihvatila ovaj posao
nakon što je upala u nevolje
08:32
down at the morgue.
u mrtvačnici.
08:35
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
08:37
These experiences eventually allowed me to have
Ova iskustva su mi dozvolila da imam
08:43
some happy physical relationships with women,
neke sretne fizičke odnose sa ženama,
08:46
for which I'm grateful,
za što sam zahvalan,
08:49
but I was at war with myself,
ali sam ratovao sam sa sobom,
08:50
and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.
i iskopao sam strašne rane
u vlastitoj psihi.
08:53
We don't seek the painful experiences
Ne tražimo bolna iskustva
08:58
that hew our identities,
koja sijeku naš identitet,
09:01
but we seek our identities
ali tražimo identitet
09:04
in the wake of painful experiences.
kao posljedicu bolnih iskustava.
09:06
We cannot bear a pointless torment,
Ne možemo podnijeti besmisleno mučenje,
09:09
but we can endure great pain
ali možemo izdržati veliku bol
09:12
if we believe that it's purposeful.
ako vjerujemo da ima smisla.
09:14
Ease makes less of an impression on us
Lakoća ostavlja manji utisak na nas
09:18
than struggle.
nego borba.
09:20
We could have been ourselves without our delights,
Mogli smo biti ono što jesmo bez užitaka,
09:21
but not without the misfortunes
ali ne bez poteškoća
09:24
that drive our search for meaning.
koje potiču našu potragu za značenjem.
09:26
"Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,"
"Zato, ja uživam u slabostima,"
09:29
St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,
napisao je Sv. Pavao u
Drugoj poslanici Korinćanima,
09:33
"for when I am weak, then I am strong."
"jer kad sam slab, tada sam jak."
09:35
In 1988, I went to Moscow
Godine 1988. išao sam u Moskvu
09:39
to interview artists of the Soviet underground,
intervjuirati umjetnike
Sovjetskog podzemlja,
09:42
and I expected their work to be
I očekivao sam da će njihov rad biti
09:46
dissident and political.
disidentski i politički.
09:47
But the radicalism in their work actually lay
Ali radikalizam njihovih radova ležao je
09:50
in reinserting humanity into a society
u ponovnom uvođenju čovječnosti u društvo
09:53
that was annihilating humanity itself,
koje je samo uništavalo čovječnost,
09:56
as, in some senses, Russian society
kao što, u nekom smislu, rusko društvo
09:58
is now doing again.
to ponovno čini.
10:01
One of the artists I met said to me,
Jedan od umjetnika
koje sam upoznao rekao mi je,
10:03
"We were in training to be not artists but angels."
"Ne treniramo da bismo bili
umjetnici već anđeli".
10:05
In 1991, I went back to see the artists
Godine 1991. vratio sam se
da posjetim umjetnike
10:10
I'd been writing about,
o kojima sam pisao,
10:13
and I was with them during the putsch
i bio sam s njima za vrijeme puča
10:14
that ended the Soviet Union,
koji je srušio Sovjetski Savez,
10:16
and they were among the chief organizers
i bili su jedni od glavnih organizatora
10:18
of the resistance to that putsch.
otpora tome puču.
10:21
And on the third day of the putsch,
I trećeg dana puča,
10:24
one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.
jedan od njih predložio je
da prošetamo do Smolenskaje.
10:27
And we went there,
I otišli smo tamo,
10:30
and we arranged ourselves in
front of one of the barricades,
i smjestili se ispred jedne od barikada,
10:31
and a little while later,
i malo kasnije,
10:35
a column of tanks rolled up,
kolona tenkova se dovezla,
10:36
and the soldier on the front tank said,
i vojnik na prvom tenku rekao je,
10:39
"We have unconditional orders
"Imamo bezuvjetne naredbe
10:41
to destroy this barricade.
da uništimo ovu barikadu.
10:43
If you get out of the way,
Ako se sklonite,
10:44
we don't need to hurt you,
nema potrebe da vas ozlijedimo,
10:46
but if you won't move, we'll have no choice
ali ako se nećete maknuti, nemamo izbora,
10:48
but to run you down."
morat ćemo vas pregaziti."
10:50
And the artists I was with said,
I umjetnici s kojima sam bio rekli su,
10:51
"Give us just a minute.
"Dajte nam minutu.
10:53
Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."
Samo minutu da vam kažemo
zašto smo ovdje."
10:54
And the soldier folded his arms,
Vojnik je prekrižio ruke,
10:59
and the artist launched into a
Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy
a umjetnik je započeo
jeffersonski hvalospjev demokraciji
11:01
such as those of us who live
kakav bismo mi koji živimo
11:05
in a Jeffersonian democracy
u jeffersonskoj demokraciji
11:07
would be hard-pressed to present.
teško mogli izložiti.
11:09
And they went on and on,
I pričali su i pričali,
11:13
and the soldier watched,
i vojnik je gledao,
11:14
and then he sat there for a full minute
i onda je sjedio ondje punu minutu
11:16
after they were finished
nakon što su završili
11:18
and looked at us so bedraggled in the rain,
i gledao u nas mokre na kiši,
11:20
and said, "What you have said is true,
i rekao, "Ono što ste rekli je istina,
11:22
and we must bow to the will of the people.
i moramo se pokloniti volji ljudi.
11:26
If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around,
Ako raščistite dovoljno
prostora da se okrenemo,
11:30
we'll go back the way we came."
vratit ćemo se odakle smo došli."
11:32
And that's what they did.
I to su i učinili.
11:35
Sometimes, forging meaning
Ponekad, lažiranje značenja
11:37
can give you the vocabulary you need
može vam dati vokabular koji trebate
11:39
to fight for your ultimate freedom.
da bi se borili za svoju konačnu slobodu.
11:42
Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion
Rusija mi je pokazala sladunjavu ideju
11:45
that oppression breeds the power to oppose it,
da opresija stvara snagu
koja će joj se suprotstaviti,
11:48
and I gradually understood that as the cornerstone
i postupno sam to shvatio
kao kamen temeljac
11:51
of identity.
identiteta.
11:54
It took identity to rescue me from sadness.
Bio je potreban identitet
da me spasi od tuge.
11:55
The gay rights movement posits a world
Pokret za prava homoseksualaca
postavlja svijet
12:00
in which my aberrances are a victory.
gdje moja zastranjivanja postaju pobjede.
12:02
Identity politics always works on two fronts:
Politika identiteta
uvijek djeluje dvojako:
12:05
to give pride to people who have a given condition
daje osjećaj ponosa ljudima
s određenim stanjem
12:09
or characteristic,
ili karakteristikom,
12:12
and to cause the outside world
i potiče svijet
12:13
to treat such people more gently and more kindly.
da tretira takve ljude
puno nježnije i ljubaznije.
12:15
Those are two totally separate enterprises,
Ovo su dva potpuno odvojena nastojanja,
12:18
but progress in each sphere
ali napredak u bilo kojoj od tih sfera
12:22
reverberates in the other.
odražava se na drugu.
12:24
Identity politics can be narcissistic.
Politika identiteta može biti narcisoidna.
12:26
People extol a difference only because it's theirs.
Ljudi veličaju razliku samo zato što je njihova.
12:30
People narrow the world and function
Ljudi sužavaju svijet i funkcioniranje
12:33
in discrete groups without empathy for one another.
u diskretnim grupama bez
suosjećanja za druge.
12:36
But properly understood
No, pravilno razumijevanje
12:39
and wisely practiced,
i mudro prakticiranje
12:41
identity politics should expand
politike identiteta trebalo bi proširiti
12:43
our idea of what it is to be human.
našu ideju onoga što znači biti čovjek.
12:45
Identity itself
Identitet sam po sebi
12:48
should be not a smug label
ne bi trebao biti samodopadna odlika
12:49
or a gold medal
ili zlatna medalja
12:52
but a revolution.
već revolucija.
12:54
I would have had an easier life if I were straight,
Imao bih puno lakši život
da sam "straight",
12:56
but I would not be me,
ali to ne bih bio ja,
13:00
and I now like being myself better
i sada više volim biti ja
13:02
than the idea of being someone else,
nego netko drugi,
13:04
someone who, to be honest,
netko tko, zapravo,
13:07
I have neither the option of being
nemam ni opciju biti
13:08
nor the ability fully to imagine.
niti mogućnost da u potpunosti zamislim.
13:10
But if you banish the dragons,
Ali ako prognate zmajeve,
13:13
you banish the heroes,
prognat ćete junake,
13:15
and we become attached
i postajemo privrženi
13:17
to the heroic strain in our own lives.
herojskoj crti u našim vlastitim životima.
13:19
I've sometimes wondered
Ponekada sam se pitao
13:22
whether I could have ceased
to hate that part of myself
bih li mogao prestati mrziti taj dio sebe
13:23
without gay pride's technicolor fiesta,
bez šarene proslave gej pridea,
13:26
of which this speech is one manifestation.
čija je manifestacija i ovaj govor.
13:29
I used to think I would know myself to be mature
Mislio sam da ću biti zreo
13:33
when I could simply be gay without emphasis,
kada budem jednostavno mogao
biti gej bez naglašavanja,
13:36
but the self-loathing of that period left a void,
ali samoprijezir tog razdoblja
ostavio je prazninu,
13:39
and celebration needs to fill and overflow it,
i proslava je mora napuniti i preplaviti,
13:43
and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy,
i čak i ako otplatim svoj privatni dug melankolije,
13:47
there's still an outer world of homophobia
još uvijek postoji vanjski svijet homofobije
13:50
that it will take decades to address.
za koji će trebati desetljeća da se prozove.
13:53
Someday, being gay will be a simple fact,
Jednoga dana, biti gej bit će
jednostavna činjenica,
13:56
free of party hats and blame,
bez ikakvih šarenih šeširića i krivice,
13:59
but not yet.
ali ne još.
14:02
A friend of mine who thought gay pride
Moj prijatelj koji je mislio da se gej pride
14:04
was getting very carried away with itself,
poprilično zanio sam sobom,
14:06
once suggested that we organize
jednom je predložio da organiziramo
14:08
Gay Humility Week.
Tjedan Gej Poniznosti.
14:10
(Laughter) (Applause)
(Smijeh) (Pljesak)
14:12
It's a great idea,
To je super ideja,
14:18
but its time has not yet come.
ali njeno vrijeme još nije došlo.
14:21
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
14:23
And neutrality, which seems to lie
I neutralnost, koja, čini se, leži
14:25
halfway between despair and celebration,
na pola puta između očaja i slavlja,
14:27
is actually the endgame.
je zapravo završna igra.
14:30
In 29 states in the U.S.,
U 29 američkih država,
14:33
I could legally be fired or denied housing
legalno bih mogao dobiti otkaz ili bi
mi mogao biti odbijen smještaj
14:36
for being gay.
zato što sam gej.
14:39
In Russia, the anti-propaganda law
U Rusiji, zakon o anti-propagandi
14:41
has led to people being beaten in the streets.
doveo je do toga
da su ljude tukli na ulici.
14:44
Twenty-seven African countries
Dvadeset i sedam afričkih zemalja
14:47
have passed laws against sodomy,
donijele su zakone protiv sodomije,
14:49
and in Nigeria, gay people can legally
a u Nigeriji, gej ljudi mogu legalno
14:52
be stoned to death,
biti kamenovani do smrti,
14:54
and lynchings have become common.
i linčevi su postali uobičajeni.
14:55
In Saudi Arabia recently, two men
U Saudijskoj Arabiji nedavno, dva muškarca
14:58
who had been caught in carnal acts,
koje su uhvatili u tjelesnom činu,
15:01
were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each,
osuđeni su na 7000 udaraca bičem,
15:03
and are now permanently disabled as a result.
i kao posljedica toga,
sada su trajno invalidi.
15:08
So who can forge meaning
I tko može lažirati značenje
15:11
and build identity?
i graditi identitet?
15:13
Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,
Gej prava nisu primarno pravo na brak,
15:16
and for the millions who live in unaccepting places
i za milijune onih koji žive na
mjestima koja ih ne prihvaćaju
15:19
with no resources,
bez resursa,
15:22
dignity remains elusive.
dostojanstvo ostaje nedostižno.
15:24
I am lucky to have forged meaning
Sretan sam što sam lažirao značenje
15:27
and built identity,
i izgradio identitet,
15:30
but that's still a rare privilege,
ali to je još uvijek rijetka privilegija,
15:32
and gay people deserve more collectively
i gej ljudi zaslužuju više kolektivno
15:34
than the crumbs of justice.
od mrvica pravde.
15:37
And yet, every step forward
A ipak, svaki korak naprijed
15:40
is so sweet.
je tako sladak.
15:43
In 2007, six years after we met,
U 2007., šest godina nakon upoznavanja,
15:45
my partner and I decided
moj partner i ja odlučili
15:49
to get married.
smo stupiti u brak.
15:51
Meeting John had been the discovery
Upoznati Johna bilo je otkriće
15:53
of great happiness
velike sreće
15:55
and also the elimination of great unhappiness,
i otklanjanje velike tuge,
15:57
and sometimes, I was so occupied
i ponekad sam bio toliko okupiran
16:00
with the disappearance of all that pain
nestankom sve te boli
16:03
that I forgot about the joy,
da sam zaboravio na radost,
16:05
which was at first the less
remarkable part of it to me.
što je isprva bio manje
dojmljiv dio toga za mene.
16:07
Marrying was a way to declare our love
Brak je bio način da izrazimo našu ljubav
16:11
as more a presence than an absence.
više kao prisutnost nego odsustvo.
16:14
Marriage soon led us to children,
Brak nas je uskoro doveo do djece,
16:18
and that meant new meanings
i to je dovelo do novih značenja
16:20
and new identities, ours and theirs.
i novih identiteta, naših i njihovih.
16:22
I want my children to be happy,
Želim da moja djeca budu sretna,
16:26
and I love them most achingly when they are sad.
i najviše ih volim kada su tužna.
16:29
As a gay father, I can teach them
Kao gej roditelj, mogu ih naučiti
16:33
to own what is wrong in their lives,
da prihvate ono što je krivo
u njihovim životima,
16:36
but I believe that if I succeed
ali vjerujem da ako ih uspijem
16:38
in sheltering them from adversity,
zaštiti od raznovrsnosti,
16:40
I will have failed as a parent.
podbacit ću kao roditelj.
16:42
A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me
Budistički učenjak kojeg poznajem
jednom mi je objasnio
16:45
that Westerners mistakenly think
da Zapadnjaci pogrešno misle
16:48
that nirvana is what arrives
da je nirvana nešto što stiže
16:50
when all your woe is behind you
kada su sve brige iza tebe
16:53
and you have only bliss to look forward to.
i da te očekuje samo sreća.
16:55
But he said that would not be nirvana,
Ali rekao je da to ne bi bila nirvana,
16:59
because your bliss in the present
jer vaša trenutna sreća
17:01
would always be shadowed by the joy from the past.
uvijek bi bila u sjeni
vaše radosti iz prošlosti.
17:02
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at
Nirvana je, kaže, kada dođete do toga
17:06
when you have only bliss to look forward to
da imate samo sreću kojoj ćete se veseliti
17:09
and find in what looked like sorrows
i kada u onome što su bile tuge
17:11
the seedlings of your joy.
pronađete sadnice vaše sreće.
17:14
And I sometimes wonder
I ponekad se pitam
17:17
whether I could have found such fulfillment
bih li mogao pronaći takvo ispunjenje
17:19
in marriage and children
u braku i djeci
17:21
if they'd come more readily,
da su došli spremniji,
17:22
if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now,
da sam bio "straight" u mladosti
ili da sam sada mlad,
17:24
in either of which cases this might be easier.
kada bi to, u oba slučaja, bilo lakše.
17:28
Perhaps I could.
Možda bih mogao.
17:32
Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done
Možda bi moja složena zamišljanja
17:33
could have been applied to other topics.
mogla biti primijenjena na druge teme.
17:36
But if seeking meaning
Ali ako traženje značenja
17:38
matters more than finding meaning,
znači više od njegova pronalaska,
17:40
the question is not whether I'd be happier
pitanje nije bih li bio sretniji
17:41
for having been bullied,
što su me zlostavljali,
17:45
but whether assigning meaning
već je li pridavanje značenja
17:46
to those experiences
tim iskustvima
17:48
has made me a better father.
mene učinilo boljim ocem.
17:50
I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys,
Ekstazu pronalazim
skrivenu u običnim radostima,
17:52
because I did not expect those joys
jer nisam očekivao da će te radosti
17:56
to be ordinary to me.
biti obične za mene.
17:58
I know many heterosexuals who have
Znam mnoge heteroseksualce koji imaju
18:01
equally happy marriages and families,
jednako sretne brakove i obitelji,
18:02
but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh,
ali gej brak je tako svjež,
18:05
and gay families so exhilaratingly new,
i gej obitelji su toliko uzbudljivo nove,
18:08
and I found meaning in that surprise.
i pronašao sam značenje u tom iznenađenju.
18:11
In October, it was my 50th birthday,
U listopadu sam navršio pedeset godina,
18:15
and my family organized a party for me,
i moja obitelj organizirala je
zabavu za mene,
18:19
and in the middle of it,
i u sred zabave,
18:22
my son said to my husband
moj sin rekao je mom suprugu
18:23
that he wanted to make a speech,
da želi održati govor,
18:25
and John said,
i John je rekao,
18:26
"George, you can't make a speech. You're four."
"George, ti ne možeš održati govor.
Imaš četiri godine."
18:27
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
18:32
"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I
"Samo djed, i ujak David i ja
18:34
are going to make speeches tonight."
održat ćemo govore večeras."
18:36
But George insisted and insisted,
Ali George je inzistirao i inzistirao,
18:38
and finally, John took him up to the microphone,
i John ga je najzad podigao do mikrofona,
18:41
and George said very loudly,
i George je rekao vrlo glasno,
18:44
"Ladies and gentlemen,
"Dame i gospodo,
18:47
may I have your attention please."
mogu li dobiti vašu pozornost, molim vas."
18:49
And everyone turned around, startled.
I svi su se okrenuli, zastrašeni.
18:52
And George said,
I George je rekao,
18:55
"I'm glad it's Daddy's birthday.
"Drago mi je da je tatin rođendan.
18:57
I'm glad we all get cake.
Drago mi je da ćemo svi jesti tortu.
18:59
And daddy, if you were little,
I tata, da si malen,
19:02
I'd be your friend."
ja bih bio tvoj prijatelj."
19:06
And I thought — Thank you.
I pomislio sam - Hvala ti.
19:09
I thought that I was indebted
Pomislio sam da sam dužan
19:12
even to Bobby Finkel,
čak i Bobbyju Finkelu,
19:15
because all those earlier experiences
jer su me sva prijašnja iskustva
19:16
were what had propelled me to this moment,
dovela do tog trenutka,
19:19
and I was finally unconditionally grateful
i napokon sam bio bezuvjetno zahvalan
19:22
for a life I'd once have done anything to change.
za život koji sam jednom htio
promijeniti pod svaku cijenu.
19:24
The gay activist Harvey Milk
Gej aktivist Harvey Milk,
19:28
was once asked by a younger gay man
kada ga je mlađi gej muškarac upitao
19:30
what he could do to help the movement,
što može učiniti kako bi pomogao pokretu,
19:32
and Harvey Milk said,
odgovorio je,
19:35
"Go out and tell someone."
"Idi i reci nekome."
19:36
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate
Uvijek postoji netko tko želi zaplijeniti
19:38
our humanity,
našu čovječnost,
19:41
and there are always stories that restore it.
i uvijek postoje priče koje je povrate.
19:43
If we live out loud,
Ako živimo glasno,
19:45
we can trounce the hatred
možemo nadići mržnju
19:47
and expand everyone's lives.
i proširiti svačije živote.
19:49
Forge meaning. Build identity.
Lažirajte značenje. Izgradite identitet.
19:52
Forge meaning.
Lažirajte značenje.
19:56
Build identity.
Izgradite identitet.
19:58
And then invite the world
I onda pozovite svijet
20:01
to share your joy.
da dijeli vašu radost.
20:02
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
20:04
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
20:07
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam. (Pljesak)
20:09
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam. (Pljesak)
20:12
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam. (Pljesak)
20:16
Translated by Ivan Stamenkovic
Reviewed by Maja Covic

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About the speaker:

Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


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