TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice foreslår at vi alle siger tak
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I dette utrolig simple 3 minutters foredrag, reflekterer Dr. Laura Trice over kraften af det magiske ord "tak" -- for at gøre venskaber dybere, for at reparere en forbindelse, for at være sikker på at en anden person ved hvad de betyder for en. Prøv det.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Hej. Jeg er her for at tale om vigtigheden af
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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ros, beundring og at sige tak,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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og at det er specifikt og oprigtigt.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Og måden jeg blev interesseret i dette på var,
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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at jeg lagde mærke til mig selv, da jeg voksede op,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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og indtil for et par år siden,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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at jeg gerne ville sige tak til nogen,
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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jeg ville gerne rose dem,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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jeg ville gerne høre deres ros om mig
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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og jeg stoppede det bare.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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Og jeg spurgte mig selv, hvorfor?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Jeg følte mig genert, jeg følte mig flov.
00:45
And then my question became,
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Og så blev mit spørgsmål,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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er jeg den eneste der gør det her?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Så, jeg besluttede mig for at undersøge det.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Jeg er så heldig at jeg arbejder i et afvænnings center,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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så jeg får mulighed for at se mennesker der står ansigt til ansigt med afhængighed.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Og nogle gange handler det om noget så simpelt som,
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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at deres inderste sår er, at deres far døde uden nogensinde at sige at han var stolt af dem.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Men så hører de fra hele deres familie og venner,
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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at deres far fortalte alle andre at han var stolt af dem,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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men han sagde det aldrig til sønnen.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Det er fordi han ikke vidste, at hans søn havde brug for at høre det.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Så mit spørgsmål er, hvorfor beder vi ikke om tingene vi har brug for?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Jeg kender en herre, gift i 25 år,
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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der længes efter at høre sin kone sige,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Tak for at være forsøgeren, så jeg kan blive hjemme hos børnene,"
01:25
but won't ask.
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men beder ikke om det.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Jeg kender en kvinde der er god til dette.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Hun, en gang om ugen, mødes med hendes mand og siger,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"Jeg kunne virkelig godt tænke mig, at du takkede mig for alle de ting jeg gjorde i huset og med børnene."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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Og han siger, "Åh, dette er skønt, dette er skønt."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Og ros skal virkelig være oprigtig,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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men hun tager ansvar for det.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Og en af mine venner, April, som jeg har kendt siden børnehaven,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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hun takker sine børn for at de gøre deres pligter.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Og hun sagde, "Hvorfor skulle jeg ikke takke dem for det, selvom de gør det de bør?"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Så, spørgsmålet er, hvorfor blokerede jeg for det?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Hvorfor blokerede andre folk for det?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Hvorfor kan jeg sige, "Jeg vil have min bøf medium stegt,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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jeg har brug for sko i størrelse 36," men jeg vil ikke sige,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"Vil du give mig ros på denne måde?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Og det er fordi jeg giver jer kritisk data om mig.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Jeg fortæller jer om min usikkerhed.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Jeg fortæller jer hvor jeg har brug for hjælp.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Og jeg behandler jer, min indercirkel,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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som om I er fjenden.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Fordi hvad kan I gøre med de informationer?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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I kunne forsømme mig.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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I kunne misbruge det.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Eller I kunne faktisk give mig det jeg har brug for.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Og jeg tog cyklen ind i cykelforretningen -- jeg elsker det her --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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samme cykel, og det gjorde noget der hedder at "afrette" hjulene.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Fyren sagde, "Du ved, når man afretter hjulene,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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gør det cyklen så meget bedre."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Jeg får den samme cykel tilbage,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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og de har taget alle ekser ud af de samme hjul
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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som jeg har haft i to og et halvt år, og min cykel er som ny.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Så, jeg vil udfordre jer alle sammen.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Jeg vil have jer til at afrette jeres hjul:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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vær ærlig om den ros I har brug for at høre.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Hvad har I brug for at høre? Tag hjem til konen --
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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spørg hende, hvad har hun brug for?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Gå hjem til jeres mand -- hvad har han brug for?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Gå hjem og stil de spørgsmål, og hjælp så menneskene rundt om jer.
02:52
And it's simple.
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Og det er simpelt.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Og hvorfor skulle vi bekymre os om dette?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Vi taler om fred i verden.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Hvordan kan vi have fred i verden med forskellige kulturer, forskellige sprog?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Jeg tror det starter husstand for husstand, under det samme tag.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Så, lad os rette op på det i vores egen baghave.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Og jeg vil gerne takke jer alle i publikummet
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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for at være fantastiske ægtemænd, fantastiske mødre,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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venner, døtre, sønner.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Og måske er der aldrig nogen der har sagt det til jer,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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men i har gjort et virkelig, virkelig godt stykke arbejde.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Og tak fordi I kom her, bare mødte op,
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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og ændre verden med jeres ideer.
03:20
Thank you.
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Tak.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Bifald)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com