TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice sugjeron qe ne te gjithe te themi faleminderit.
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Ne kete fjalim te thjeshte zhgenjyes 3 minutesh, Dr. Laura Trice mendon per fuqine e fjales magjike "faleminderit" -- per te thelluar nje miqesi, per te riparuar nje lidhje, per te qene e sigurte qe personi tjeter e kupton se cfare rendesie ka tek ty. Provojeni.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Pershendetje. Une jam ketu sot per te folur rreth rendesise se
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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lavderimit, admirimit dhe falenderimit,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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dhe qe te jete e vecante dhe e mirefillte.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Dhe menyra si une u apasionova pas kesaj,
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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eshte qe e konstatova tek vetja ime, nderkohe qe rritesha,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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dhe deri para disa viteve me pare,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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qe do te kisha dashur per ti thene faleminderit dikujt,
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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do te kisha dashur ti lavderoja ata,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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do te kisha dashur te merrja lavderimet e tyre per veten time
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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dhe une e ndalova ate.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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Pyeta veten time, perse?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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U ndjeva e turpshme, e ndrojtur.
00:45
And then my question became,
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Dhe me pas pyetja ime u kthye ne,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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a jam une i vetmi person qe e ben kete?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Keshtu qe, vendosa te hetoj.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Une jam mjaftueshem me fat qe punoj ne nje qender rehabilitimi,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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keshtu qe shoh njerez qe perballen me jeten dhe vdekjen me pasion.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Dhe ndonjehere zbret ne dicka aq te thjeshte sa,
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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plaga e tyre kryesore eshte qe i ati i tyre vdiq pa i thene ndonjehere qe ishte krenar per ta.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Por me pas, e degjojne nga te gjithe familjaret dhe miqte e tyre
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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qe i ati i ka thene te gjitheve qe ai ishte krenar per te,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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por pa ja thene te birit.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Kjo ndodh sepse ai nuk e dinte qe i biri kishte nevoje ta degjonte.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Keshtu qe pyetja ime eshte, pse nuk pyesim per gjerat qe kemi nevoje?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Une njoh nje zoteri, i martuar prej 25 vitesh,
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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qe ka deshire te madhe per te degjuar gruan e tij te thote,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Faleminderit qe je shtylla e familjes, keshtu qe une mund te rri ne shtepi me femijet,"
01:25
but won't ask.
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por nuk do ta kerkoj.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Une njoh nje grua qe eshte e mire per kete.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Ajo, njehere ne jave, takohet me burrin e saj dhe i thote,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"Une me te vertete dua qe te me falenderosh per te gjitha gjerat qe bera per shtepine dhe per femijet."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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Dhe ai vazhdon, "Oh, kjo eshte e shkelqyer, kjo eshte e shkelqyer."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Dhe lavderimi duhet qe te jete i vertete,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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pasi ajo merr pergjegjesi per kete.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Dhe nje mikeshe e imja, April, te cilen e kam patur qe ne kopesht,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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i falenderon femijet e saj qe bejne punet e tyre.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Dhe ajo thote, "Pse nuk duhet t'i falenderoj ata, edhe pse ata duhet ti bejne keto?"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Keshtu qe pyetja eshte, pse isha duke e bllokuar kete gje?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Pse njerezit e tjere e bllokojne kete gje?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Pse une mund te them, "Une do ta marr biftekun te pjekur mesatar,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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mua me duhet numri gjashte per kepucet, "por nderkohe une nuk mund te them,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"A mund te me lavderosh ne kete menyre?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Dhe kjo ndodh sepse jam duke te te dhene te dhena kritike rreth vetes sime.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Jam duke te te treguar se ku jam e pasigurte.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Jam duke te te treguar se ku me nevojitet ndihma jote.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Dhe jam duke te trajtuar, rrethin tim te brendshem,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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sikur te jesh nje armik.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Sepse ne fund te fundit, cfare mund te besh me ato te dhena?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Ju mund te me lini pas dore.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Ju mund te abuzoni.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Ose ju mund te takoheni me nevojat e mia.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Dhe une marre bicikleten ne dyqanin e bicikletave -- e dashuroj kete --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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te njejten biciklete, dhe ato bejne dicka qe quhet "te vertetosh" rrotat.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Djali tha, " Po vertetove gomat,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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do ta besh bicikleten shume me te mire."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Une mora te njejten biciklete prapsht,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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dhe ata kane marre te gjitha prishjet e vogla nga te gjitha rrotat e njejta
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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une e kam patur per dy vjet e gjysem, dhe bicikleta ime eshte si e re.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Pra, une do tju sfidoj te gjitheve ju.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Une dua qe ju te gjithe te vertetoni rrotat tuaj:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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te jini te ndershem ne lidhje me lavderimet qe doni te degjoni.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Cfare deshironi te degjoni? Shkoni ne shtepi tek gruaja juaj --
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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shkoni dhe pyeteni ate, se per cfare ka ajo nevoje?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Shkoni ne shtepi tek burri juaj, -- per cfare ka ai nevoje?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Shkoni ne shtepi dhe bejini keto pyetje, dhe me pas ndihmoni njerezit perreth jush.
02:52
And it's simple.
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Dhe eshte e thjeshte.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Dhe pse duhet te kujdesemi per kete?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Ne flasim rreth paqes ne bote.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Si mund te kemi paqe ne bote me kultura te ndryshme, me gjuhe te ndryshme?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Une mendoj qe fillon familje per familje, nen te njejten cati.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Pra, le ta fillojme kete ndryshim ne oborrin e shtepise tone.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Dhe une dua te falenderoj te gjitheve ju ne publik
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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per te qene bashkeshorte te mire, mama te mira,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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miq, bije, djale.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Ndoshta asnje nuk ja u ka thene kete gje me pare,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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por keni bere nje pune te mire, nje pune vertete te mire.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Dhe faleminderit qe ishit ketu, edhe thjesht qe u shfaqet
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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dhe qe ndryshoni boten me idete tuaj.
03:20
Thank you.
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Ju faleminderit.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com