TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice foreslår at vi sier takk
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I dette villedende enkle 3-minutters innlegget grubler Dr. Laura Trice på makten til det magiske ordet "takk" -- for å befeste et vennskap, å reparere et forhold, for å forsikre en annen person hva de betyr for deg. Prøv det.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Hei. Jeg er her for å prate om viktigheten av
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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lovprisning, admirasjon og takk,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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og at det må være spesifikt og genuint.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Måten jeg ble interessert i dette på var at
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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jeg la merke til det i meg selv da jeg vokste opp,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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og til et par år siden,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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at jeg ville si takk til noen,
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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jeg ville gi dem skryt,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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jeg ville at de skulle gi meg skryt
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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men jeg bare stoppet det.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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Og jeg spurte meg selv, hvorfor?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Jeg følte meg sjenert, synes det var pinlig.
00:45
And then my question became,
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Og så ble spørsmålet mitt,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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er jeg den eneste som gjør dette?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Så jeg bestemte meg for å undersøke.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Jeg er heldig nok til å jobbe i en rehabiliteringsklinikk,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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så jeg ser folk som går gjennom livet og døden med misbruk.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Og noen ganger skyldes det noe så enkelt som at
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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deres kjerneproblem er at faren deres døde uten å noen gang si at han var stolt av dem.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Men så hører de fra familie og venner
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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at faren fortalte alle andre at han var stolt av ham,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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men han sa det aldri til sønnen sin.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Det er fordi han ikke visste at sønnen hans trengte å høre det.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Så mitt spørsmål er, hvorfor spør vi ikke etter de tingene vi trenger?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Jeg vet om en mann som har vært gift i 25 år
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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som ønsker å høre kona si,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Takk for at du forsørger oss, så jeg kan være hjemme med ungene,"
01:25
but won't ask.
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men som ikke vil spørre.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Jeg vet om en kvinne som er god på dette.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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En gang i uka går hun til mannen sin og sier,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"Jeg vil at du takker meg for alle tingene jeg har gjort i huset og med ungene."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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Og han sier, "Åh, dette er flott, dette er flott."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Og ros må virkelig være genuint,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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men hun tar ansvar for det.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Og en venn av meg, April, som jeg har kjent siden barnehagen,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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takker sine unger for at de gjør pliktene sine.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Og hun sier, "Hvorfor skal jeg ikke takke dem, selv om de må gjøre det?"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Så spørsmålet er, hvorfor blokkerte jeg det?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Hvorfor blokkerte andre det?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Hvorfor kan jeg si, "Jeg vil ha biffen medium stekt,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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jeg trenger størrelse 36 sko," men jeg vil ikke si,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"Kan du gi meg ros for dette?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Og det er fordi jeg gir deg kritisk data om meg.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Jeg forteller deg hvor jeg er usikker.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Jeg forteller deg hvor jeg trenger din hjelp.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Og jeg behandler deg, min innerste sirkel,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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som om du er fienden.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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For hva kan du gjøre med den informasjonen?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Du kan neglisjere meg.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Du kunne misbruke den.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Eller du kunne faktisk møtt mine behov.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Og jeg tok sykkelen min med til sykkelbutikken -- jeg elsker dette --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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samme sykkel, og de gjør noe de kaller å "balansere" hjulene.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Fyren sa, "Du vet, når du balanserer hjulene,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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blir sykkelen mye bedre."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Jeg fikk tilbake samme sykkelen,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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og de har tatt alle de små skjevhetene bort fra hjulene
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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jeg har hatt i to og et halvt år, og sykkelen er som ny.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Så jeg vil utfordre dere alle.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Jeg vil at dere balanserer hjulene deres:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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vær ærlig om rosen som du trenger å høre.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Hva trenger du å høre? Gå hjem til kona,
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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og spør henne, hva trenger hun?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Gå hjem til mannen din -- hva trenger han?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Gå hjem og spør disse spørsmålene og hjelp så menneskene rundt deg.
02:52
And it's simple.
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Og det er lett.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Og hvorfor bør vi bry oss om dette?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Vi snakker om verdensfred.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Hvordan kan vi ha verdensfred med ulike kulturer, ulike språk?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Jeg tror det starter husholdning for husholdning, under samme tak.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Så la oss rydde opp i vår egen bakgård.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Og jeg vil takke alle dere i salen
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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for at dere er flotte ektemenn, flotte mødre,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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venner, døtre, sønner.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Og kanskje ingen har sagt det til deg,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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men du har gjort en skikkelig, skikkelig god jobb.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Og takk for at du er her, for at du har møtt opp
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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og forandrer verden med dine ideér.
03:20
Thank you.
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Takk.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Applaus)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com