TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice predlaže da svi kažemo hvala
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U ovom varljivo jednostavnom trominutnom govoru, dr. Laura Trice razmišlja o snazi čarobnih riječi "hvala ti" -- kako bi produbili prijateljstvo, popravili vezu, kako bi bili sigurni da druga osoba zna što nam znači. Pokušajte.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Bok. Ovdje sam kako bih vam pričala o važnosti
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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pohvale, divljenja i zahvalnosti,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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i kako bi to moralo biti specifično i iskreno.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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To me je zainteresiralo
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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tako što sam kod sebe primjetila, dok sam odrastala,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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i sve do prije nekoliko godina,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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kako bih poželjela nekome reći "hvala ti",
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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voljela bih pohvaliti ih,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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i voljela bih da oni mene pohvale,
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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a onda bih se zaustavila.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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I zapitala sam se, zašto je tako?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Osjetila bih stid, osjetila bih sram.
00:45
And then my question became,
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I onda sam se zapitala
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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jesam li ja jedina koja se tako osjeća?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Tako sam odlučila to istražiti.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Imam sreće što radim u rehabilitacijskoj ustanovi,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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pa viđam ljude koji se suočavaju sa životom i smrću s ovišnošću.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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I ponekad se sve svodi na nešto jednostavno poput,
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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da je njihova najdublja rana to što im je otac umro bez da je rekao koliko je ponosan na njih.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Ali onda su čuli od cijele obitelji i prijatelja
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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kako je otac rekao svima drugima koliko je ponosan na njega,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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ali to nikada nije rekao svom sinu.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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To je zato jer nije znao koliko je njegovom sinu potrebno da to čuje.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Dakle, moje pitanje je, zašto ne tražimo stvari koje su nam potrebne?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Znam gospodina koji je u braku 25 godina
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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koji žudi da njegova žena kaže,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Hvala ti što donosiš kruh na stol, kako bih ja mogla ostati s djecom kod kuće",
01:25
but won't ask.
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ali ne pita.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Znam ženu koja je dobra u tome.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Ona se, jednom tjedno, sretne s mužem i kaže,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"Željela bih da mi se zahvališ za sve te stvari koje radim u kući i s djecom."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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A on kaže, "Oh, to je sjajno, to je sjajno."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Pohvala mora biti iskrena,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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ali ona preuzima odgovornost za to.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Jedna moja prijateljica, April, koju znam još iz vrtića,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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zahvaljuje svojoj djeci jer obavljaju kućne poslove.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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I ona kaže, "Zašto im ne bih zahvaljivala, premda im je to obvezai?!"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Dakle pitanje je, zašto sam ja to blokirala?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Zašto su to drugi ljudi blokirali?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Zašto mogu reči, "Uzeti ću srednje pečeni odrezak,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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trebam cipele broj 36", ali ne želim reči,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"Možeš li me pohvaliti na ovaj način?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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To je zato što vam dajem kritične informacije o sebi.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Govorim vam gdje sam nesigurna.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Govorim vam gdje mi je potrebna vaša pomoć.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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I tretiram vas, svoj najuži krug,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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kao da ste mi neprijatelji.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Jer što vi možete napraviti s tim podacima?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Možete me zanemariti.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Možete ih zloupotrijebiti.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Ili možete odgovoriti mojim potrebama.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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I tako sam odvezla svoj bicikl u servis -- volim ovo --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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isti bicikl, i oni su mi izbalansirali kotače.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Dečko mi je rekao, "Znate kada izbalansirate kotače
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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bicikl će vam biti znatno bolji."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Dobila sam isti bicikl nazad,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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a oni su izravnali sve male neravnine na kotačima
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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koje sam imala dvije i pol godine, i sad je moj bicikl kao nov.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Zato ću vas sada sve izazvati.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Želim da izbalansirate svoje kotače:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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budite iskreni o pohvalama koje želite čuti.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Što želite čuti? Odite kući svojoj ženi
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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idite i pitajte ju, što točno ona treba?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Odite kući svom mužu -- što točno on treba?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Odite kući i postavite ta pitanja, te pomozite ljudima oko sebe.
02:52
And it's simple.
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I to je jednostavno.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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A zašto bismo o tome trebali brinuti?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Govorimo o miru u svijetu.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Kako možemo imati svjetski mir s različitim kulturama, različitim jezicima?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Mislim da to počinje od kućanstva do kućanstva, pod istim krovom.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Zato krenimo od vlastitog dvorišta.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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I želim vam svima u publici zahvaliti
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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što ste sjajni muževi, sjajne majke,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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prijatelji, kćeri, sinovi.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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I možda vam to nitko nikada nije rekao,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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ali napravili ste stvarno, stvarno dobar posao.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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I hvala vam što ste ovdje, što ste se pojavili
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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i što želite promijeniti svijet svojim idejama.
03:20
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com