TEDWomen 2016
Michele L. Sullivan: Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness
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We all go through challenges -- some you can see, most you can't, says Michele L. Sullivan. In a talk about perspective, Sullivan shares stories full of wit and wisdom and reminds us that we're all part of each other's support systems. "The only shoes you can walk in are your own," she says. "With compassion, courage and understanding, we can walk together, side by side."
Michele L. Sullivan - Social innovator
Michele L. Sullivan is known for her sustainable and collaborative approach to philanthropic investing. Full bio
Michele L. Sullivan is known for her sustainable and collaborative approach to philanthropic investing. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
We all have milestones in life
that we remember so vividly.
that we remember so vividly.
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The first one for me
was when I was entering kindergarten.
was when I was entering kindergarten.
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My big brother was in school,
and by golly, it was my time.
and by golly, it was my time.
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And I went trottin' down that hallway.
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I was so excited, I almost wet myself.
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And I go to the door,
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and there was the teacher
with a warm welcome,
with a warm welcome,
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and she took me into the classroom,
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showed me my little cubbyhole --
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we all remember those
little cubbyholes, don't we --
little cubbyholes, don't we --
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and we put our stuff in there.
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And then she said, "Go over to the circle
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and play with the kids
until class starts."
until class starts."
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So I went over there
and plopped down like I owned the place,
and plopped down like I owned the place,
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and I'm playing,
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and all of a sudden, the boy next to me,
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he was wearing a white shirt
with blue shorts.
with blue shorts.
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I remember it like it was yesterday.
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Suddenly he stopped playing and he said,
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"Why are you so short?"
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And I just kept playing.
I didn't think he was talking to me.
I didn't think he was talking to me.
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(Laughter)
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And in a louder voice, he said,
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"Hey, why are you so short?"
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So I looked up and I said,
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"What are you talking about?
Let's just play. We're happy.
Let's just play. We're happy.
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I've been waiting for this."
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And so we played,
and about a minute later,
and about a minute later,
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the girl next to him,
in a white shirt and a pink skirt,
in a white shirt and a pink skirt,
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stood up, put her hands on her hips,
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and said, "Yeah,
why do you look so different?"
why do you look so different?"
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And I went, "What are you talking about?
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I don't look different. I'm not short.
Again, let's just play."
Again, let's just play."
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About this time, I looked
all around the circle I was in,
all around the circle I was in,
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and all the kids had stopped playing
and they were all looking at me.
and they were all looking at me.
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And I'm thinking --
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in today's language,
it would be "OMG" or "WTF."
it would be "OMG" or "WTF."
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01:53
(Laughter)
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What just happened?
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So all the confidence
that I went in with that morning
that I went in with that morning
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was withering away as the morning went on
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and the questions kept coming.
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And at the end of the morning,
before I went home,
before I went home,
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the teacher had us in a circle,
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and I actually found myself
outside of the circle.
outside of the circle.
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I couldn't look at anybody.
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I could not understand what just happened.
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And over the next few years,
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I hated to go out in public.
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I felt every stare, every giggle,
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every pointed finger,
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not the finger,
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but every pointed finger,
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and I hated it.
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I would hide behind my parents' legs
like nobody could see me.
like nobody could see me.
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And as a child,
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you can't understand
another child's curiosity,
another child's curiosity,
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nor an adult's ignorance.
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It became very apparent to me
that the real world was not built
that the real world was not built
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for someone of my size,
both literally or figuratively.
both literally or figuratively.
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And so I have no anonymity,
as you can probably tell,
as you can probably tell,
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and while you can see my size,
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we all go through many challenges
through our lifetime.
through our lifetime.
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And some you can see, like mine.
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Most you can't.
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You can't tell if someone's dealing
with a mental illness,
with a mental illness,
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or they're struggling
with their gender identity,
with their gender identity,
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they're caring for an aging parent,
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they're having financial difficulty.
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You can't see that kind of stuff.
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So while you can see
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one of my challenges is my size,
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seeing does not mean you understand
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what it's truly to be me on a daily basis,
or what I go through.
or what I go through.
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And so I'm here to debunk a myth.
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I do not believe you can
walk in someone else's shoes,
walk in someone else's shoes,
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and because of that, we must adopt
a new way of giving of ourselves.
a new way of giving of ourselves.
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Simply stated, I will never know
what it's like to be you
what it's like to be you
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and you will never know
what it's like to be me.
what it's like to be me.
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I cannot face your fears
or chase your dreams,
or chase your dreams,
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and you can't do that for me,
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but we can be supportive of each other.
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Instead of trying to walk
in each other's shoes,
in each other's shoes,
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we must adopt a new way
of giving of ourselves.
of giving of ourselves.
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04:11
I learned at an early age
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that I did have to do some things
different than most people,
different than most people,
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04:17
but I also learned there were things
I was on equal footing with,
I was on equal footing with,
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and one of those was the classroom.
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Heh, heh, heh. I was equal.
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As a matter of fact,
I excelled in the classroom.
I excelled in the classroom.
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04:28
This was vitally important,
I discovered as I grew older
I discovered as I grew older
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and realized I wasn't going to be able
to do a physical job.
to do a physical job.
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I needed an education.
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So I went on and got a university degree,
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but I felt to be one step ahead
of everyone for employment,
of everyone for employment,
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I needed to have
an advanced university degree,
an advanced university degree,
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so I went ahead and got that.
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Now I'm ready for my interview.
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Remember your first interview?
What am I going to wear?
What am I going to wear?
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What questions?
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And don't forget that firm handshake.
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I was right there with you.
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So 24 hours before my interview,
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05:01
a friend of mine
who I've known all my life
who I've known all my life
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called and said, "Michele,
the building you're going in has steps."
the building you're going in has steps."
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And she knew I couldn't climb steps.
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So suddenly, my focus changed.
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In my shoes, I was worried
about how am I going to get there?
about how am I going to get there?
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So I went early and found a loading dock
and got in and had a great interview.
and got in and had a great interview.
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They had no idea what I went through
for the day and that's OK.
for the day and that's OK.
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You're probably thinking my greatest
challenge that day was the interview,
challenge that day was the interview,
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or getting in the building.
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In reality, my biggest challenge that day
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was getting through the loading dock
without getting run over.
without getting run over.
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I am very vulnerable
in certain situations:
in certain situations:
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airports, hallways, parking lots,
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loading docks.
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And so I have to be very careful.
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I have to anticipate and be flexible
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and move as quickly as I can sometimes.
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So I got the job,
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and in my current role
I travel quite a bit.
I travel quite a bit.
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06:01
And travel is a challenge
for all of us these days.
for all of us these days.
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And so you probably get to the airport,
run through security, get to the gate.
run through security, get to the gate.
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Did I get my aisle seat or my window seat?
Did I get my upgrade?
Did I get my upgrade?
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Me, first of all,
I don't run through anything.
I don't run through anything.
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(Laughter)
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And I especially don't run through the TSA
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because I get to experience
the personal patdown.
the personal patdown.
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I won't comment on that.
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And then I make my way to the gate,
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and with my gift of gab
that my parents said I was born with,
that my parents said I was born with,
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I talk to the gate agent, and then I say,
"By the way, my scooter weighs this much,
"By the way, my scooter weighs this much,
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I have a dry cell battery,
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and I can drive it down
to the door of the plane."
to the door of the plane."
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Also, the day before, I had called
the city where I'm traveling to
the city where I'm traveling to
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to find out where I could rent a scooter
in case mine gets broken on the way.
in case mine gets broken on the way.
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So in my shoes,
it's a little bit different.
it's a little bit different.
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When I get onto the plane,
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I use my gift of gab to ask the lady
to put my bag up, and they graciously do.
to put my bag up, and they graciously do.
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I try not to eat or drink on a plane
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because I don't want to have to
get up and walk on the plane,
get up and walk on the plane,
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but nature has its own schedule,
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and not long ago,
it knocked and I answered.
it knocked and I answered.
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So I walked up to the front of the plane
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and gabbed with the flight attendant,
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and said, "Can you watch the door?
I can't reach the lock."
I can't reach the lock."
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So I'm in there doing my business,
and the door flies open.
and the door flies open.
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And there's a gentleman there
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with a look of horror on his face.
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I'm sure I had the same look.
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As I came out, I noticed
that he was sitting right across from me,
that he was sitting right across from me,
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and he's in total, complete embarrassment.
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So I walk up to him and I quietly go,
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"Are you going to remember this
as much as I am?"
as much as I am?"
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(Laughter)
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And he goes, "I think so."
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(Laughter)
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Now, while he's probably
not talking about it publicly, I am.
not talking about it publicly, I am.
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(Laughter)
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But we talked for the rest of the flight,
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and we got to know each other,
our families, sports, work,
our families, sports, work,
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and when we landed, he said,
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"Michele, I noticed
someone put your bag up.
someone put your bag up.
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Can I get that for you?"
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And I said, "Of course, thank you."
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And we wished each other well,
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and the most important thing that day
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was that he was not going to leave
with that embarrassment,
with that embarrassment,
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that experience of embarrassment.
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He won't forget it, and neither will I,
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but I think he will remember more
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our chat and our different perspectives.
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When you travel internationally,
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it can be even more challenging
in certain ways.
in certain ways.
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A few years ago, I was in Zanzibar,
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and I come wheeling in,
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and think about that.
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Short, white, blond woman in a chair.
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That doesn't probably happen every day.
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So I go up, and with my gift of gab,
I start to talk to the agent.
I start to talk to the agent.
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So friendly, and I ask
about their culture and so forth,
about their culture and so forth,
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and I notice there wasn't a jet bridge.
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So I had to kind of say,
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"Not only do you have to lift my chair,
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I could use some help
getting up the steps."
getting up the steps."
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So we got to spend about an hour together
while we waited for the flight,
while we waited for the flight,
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and it was the most magnificent hour.
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Our perspective changed
for both of us that day.
for both of us that day.
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And once I got on the flight,
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he patted me on the back
and wished me well,
and wished me well,
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and I thanked him so much.
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And again, I think he's going
to remember that experience more
to remember that experience more
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than when I first came in,
and there was a bit of hesitation.
and there was a bit of hesitation.
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And as you notice, I get a lot of help.
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I would not be where I am today
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if it was not for my family,
my friends, my colleagues
my friends, my colleagues
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and the many strangers
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that help me every single day of my life.
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And it's important
that we all have a support system.
that we all have a support system.
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Asking for help is a strength,
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not a weakness.
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(Applause)
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We all need help throughout our lifetime,
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but it is just as important
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that we are part
of other people's support systems.
of other people's support systems.
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We must adopt that way of giving back.
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We all obviously have a role to play
in our own successes,
in our own successes,
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but think about the role we have to play
in other people's successes,
in other people's successes,
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just like people do for me
every single day.
every single day.
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It's vitally important
that we help each other,
that we help each other,
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because society is increasingly
placing people in silos
placing people in silos
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based on biases and ideologies.
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And we must look past the surface
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and be confronted with the truth
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that none of us are what you can see.
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There's more to us than that,
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and we're all dealing with things
that you cannot see.
that you cannot see.
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So living a life free of judgment
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allows all of us to share
those experiences together
those experiences together
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and have a totally different perspective,
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just like the couple of people
I mentioned earlier in my stories.
I mentioned earlier in my stories.
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So remember, the only shoes
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you truly can walk in are your own.
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I cannot walk in yours.
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I know you can't walk in my size 1s --
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(Laughter)
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but you can try.
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But we can do something better than that.
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With compassion,
courage and understanding,
courage and understanding,
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we can walk side by side
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and support one another,
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and think about how society can change
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if we all do that
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instead of judging
on only what you can see.
on only what you can see.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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Thank you.
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Michele L. Sullivan - Social innovatorMichele L. Sullivan is known for her sustainable and collaborative approach to philanthropic investing.
Why you should listen
Michele L. Sullivan has held various globally influential leadership positions at Caterpillar during her 29-year career. She currently is Caterpillar's Director of Corporate Social Innovation and President of the Caterpillar Foundation, the philanthropic arm of Caterpillar Inc.
Throughout Sullivan's career, she has dramatically grown the reach, influence and impact of each role. Her time with the Caterpillar Foundation is no different. She has taken the Caterpillar Foundation from a transactional Foundation into a global and strategic Foundation. She has moved the Foundation from Corporate Social Responsibility into Corporate Social Innovation. This strategy places the human need first, not as an afterthought of profit. Sullivan is well known for her global expertise and sustainable and collaborative approach to philanthropic investing.
Sullivan strongly believes monumental and sustainable change in our largest global challenges can only happen through partnerships and collaboration between public, private and non-profit entities. This strategy resulted in the Caterpillar Foundation's transformation into one of the most influential corporate foundations and, ultimately, the launch of the Foundation's collaborative impact platform, Together.Stronger.
Determination and resilience have been present throughout Sullivan;s life. She endured many years of orthopedic surgeries and other challenges. She provided leadership starting in the Little Prairie Chapter of Little People of America as a teenager. She was named by Inside Philanthropy as one of the 50 most powerful women in philanthropy and she served as a US delegate to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women. She is a member of the ONE board of directors and chairs the Greater Peoria Local Initiatives Support Corporation (LISC) Advisory Board. She earned her MBA from Bradley University, and she is the first woman to be President of the Caterpillar Foundation.
Michele L. Sullivan | Speaker | TED.com