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Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: We should all be feminists
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We teach girls that they can have ambition, but not too much ... to be successful, but not too successful, or they'll threaten men, says author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. In this classic talk that started a worldwide conversation about feminism, Adichie asks that we begin to dream about and plan for a different, fairer world -- of happier men and women who are truer to themselves.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Novelist
Inspired by Nigerian history and tragedies all but forgotten by recent generations of westerners, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s novels and stories are jewels in the crown of diasporan literature. Full bio
Inspired by Nigerian history and tragedies all but forgotten by recent generations of westerners, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s novels and stories are jewels in the crown of diasporan literature. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So I would like to start by telling you
about one of my greatest friends,
about one of my greatest friends,
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Okoloma Maduewesi.
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Okoloma lived on my street
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and looked after me like a big brother.
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If I liked a boy,
I would ask Okoloma's opinion.
I would ask Okoloma's opinion.
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Okoloma died in the notorious
Sosoliso plane crash
Sosoliso plane crash
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in Nigeria in December of 2005.
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Almost exactly seven years ago.
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Okoloma was a person I could argue with,
laugh with and truly talk to.
laugh with and truly talk to.
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He was also the first person
to call me a feminist.
to call me a feminist.
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I was about fourteen,
we were at his house, arguing.
we were at his house, arguing.
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Both of us bristling
with half bit knowledge
with half bit knowledge
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from books that we had read.
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I don't remember what this
particular argument was about,
particular argument was about,
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but I remember
that as I argued and argued,
that as I argued and argued,
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01:01
Okoloma looked at me and said,
"You know, you're a feminist."
"You know, you're a feminist."
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It was not a compliment.
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01:07
(Laughter)
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I could tell from his tone,
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the same tone that you would use
to say something like,
to say something like,
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"You're a supporter of terrorism."
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01:14
(Laughter)
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I did not know exactly
what this word "feminist" meant,
what this word "feminist" meant,
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and I did not want Okoloma
to know that I did not know.
to know that I did not know.
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So I brushed it aside,
and I continued to argue.
and I continued to argue.
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01:27
And the first thing
I planned to do when I got home
I planned to do when I got home
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was to look up the word
"feminist" in the dictionary.
"feminist" in the dictionary.
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01:32
Now fast forward to some years later,
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I wrote a novel about a man
who among other things beats his wife
who among other things beats his wife
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and whose story doesn't end very well.
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01:42
While I was promoting
the novel in Nigeria,
the novel in Nigeria,
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a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,
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told me he wanted to advise me.
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And for the Nigerians here,
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I'm sure we're all familiar
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with how quick our people are
to give unsolicited advice.
to give unsolicited advice.
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He told me that people were saying
that my novel was feminist
that my novel was feminist
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02:05
and his advice to me --
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02:06
and he was shaking his head
sadly as he spoke --
sadly as he spoke --
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was that I should never
call myself a feminist
call myself a feminist
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02:12
because feminists
are women who are unhappy
are women who are unhappy
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because they cannot find husbands.
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02:16
(Laughter)
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So I decided to call myself
"a happy feminist."
"a happy feminist."
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Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me
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that feminism was not our culture
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02:29
and that feminism wasn't African,
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and that I was calling myself a feminist
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because I had been corrupted
by "Western books."
by "Western books."
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Which amused me,
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because a lot of my early readings
were decidedly unfeminist.
were decidedly unfeminist.
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I think I must have read every single
Mills & Boon romance published
Mills & Boon romance published
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before I was sixteen.
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And each time I tried to read those books
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called "the feminist classics,"
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I'd get bored, and I really
struggled to finish them.
struggled to finish them.
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02:52
But anyway, since feminism was un-African,
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I decided that I would now call myself
"a happy African feminist."
"a happy African feminist."
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At some point I was a happy African
feminist who does not hate men
feminist who does not hate men
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03:04
and who likes lip gloss
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and who wears high heels
for herself but not for men.
for herself but not for men.
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03:08
(Laughter)
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03:09
Of course a lot of this
was tongue-in-cheek,
was tongue-in-cheek,
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but that word feminist is so heavy
with baggage, negative baggage.
with baggage, negative baggage.
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You hate men, you hate bras,
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you hate African culture,
that sort of thing.
that sort of thing.
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03:22
Now here's a story from my childhood.
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When I was in primary school,
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my teacher said at the beginning of term
that she would give the class a test
that she would give the class a test
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and whoever got the highest score
would be the class monitor.
would be the class monitor.
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03:34
Now, class monitor was a big deal.
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If you were a class monitor,
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you got to write down
the names of noisemakers --
the names of noisemakers --
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(Laughter)
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which was having enough power of its own.
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But my teacher would also give you
a cane to hold in your hand
a cane to hold in your hand
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while you walk around
and patrol the class for noisemakers.
and patrol the class for noisemakers.
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Now, of course you were not
actually allowed to use the cane.
actually allowed to use the cane.
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But it was an exciting prospect
for the nine-year-old me.
for the nine-year-old me.
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I very much wanted
to be the class monitor.
to be the class monitor.
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04:05
And I got the highest score on the test.
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Then, to my surprise, my teacher said
that the monitor had to be a boy.
that the monitor had to be a boy.
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She had forgotten
to make that clear earlier
to make that clear earlier
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because she assumed it was ... obvious.
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(Laughter)
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A boy had the second highest
score on the test,
score on the test,
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and he would be monitor.
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04:23
Now, what was even more
interesting about this
interesting about this
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is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul
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who had no interest
in patrolling the class with the cane,
in patrolling the class with the cane,
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while I was full of ambition to do so.
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04:38
But I was female and he was male,
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and so he became the class monitor.
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And I've never forgotten that incident.
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I often make the mistake of thinking
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that something that is obvious to me
is just as obvious to everyone else.
is just as obvious to everyone else.
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Now, take my dear friend Louis
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for example.
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Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,
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and we would have conversations
and he would tell me,
and he would tell me,
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"I don't know what you mean by things
being different or harder for women.
being different or harder for women.
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Maybe in the past, but not now."
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And I didn't understand how Louis
could not see what seems so self-evident.
could not see what seems so self-evident.
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05:10
Then one evening, in Lagos,
Louis and I went out with friends.
Louis and I went out with friends.
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05:14
And for people here
who are not familiar with Lagos,
who are not familiar with Lagos,
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there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,
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the sprinkling of energetic men
who hang around outside establishments
who hang around outside establishments
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and very dramatically
"help" you park your car.
"help" you park your car.
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I was impressed
with the particular theatrics
with the particular theatrics
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of the man who found us
a parking spot that evening.
a parking spot that evening.
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And so as we were leaving,
I decided to leave him a tip.
I decided to leave him a tip.
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I opened my bag,
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put my hand inside my bag,
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brought out my money
that I had earned from doing my work,
that I had earned from doing my work,
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and I gave it to the man.
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And he, this man who was
very grateful and very happy,
very grateful and very happy,
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took the money from me,
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looked across at Louis
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and said, "Thank you, sir!"
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05:57
(Laughter)
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Louis looked at me, surprised,
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and asked, "Why is he thanking me?
I didn't give him the money."
I didn't give him the money."
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Then I saw realization
dawn on Louis' face.
dawn on Louis' face.
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The man believed that whatever money I had
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had ultimately come from Louis.
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Because Louis is a man.
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Men and women are different.
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We have different hormones,
we have different sexual organs,
we have different sexual organs,
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we have different biological abilities.
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Women can have babies, men can't.
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At least not yet.
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(Laughter)
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Men have testosterone and are
in general physically stronger than women.
in general physically stronger than women.
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There's slightly more women
than men in the world,
than men in the world,
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about 52 percent of the world's
population is female.
population is female.
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But most of the positions of power
and prestige are occupied by men.
and prestige are occupied by men.
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The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,
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Wangari Maathai,
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put it simply and well when she said:
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"The higher you go,
the fewer women there are."
the fewer women there are."
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In the recent US elections we kept hearing
of the Lilly Ledbetter law,
of the Lilly Ledbetter law,
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and if we go beyond the nicely
alliterative name of that law,
alliterative name of that law,
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it was really about a man and a woman
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doing the same job,
being equally qualified,
being equally qualified,
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and the man being paid more
because he's a man.
because he's a man.
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So in the literal way, men rule the world,
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and this made sense a thousand years ago
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because human beings lived then in a world
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in which physical strength was
the most important attribute for survival.
the most important attribute for survival.
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The physically stronger person
was more likely to lead,
was more likely to lead,
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and men, in general,
are physically stronger.
are physically stronger.
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Of course there are many exceptions.
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(Laughter)
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But today we live
in a vastly different world.
in a vastly different world.
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The person more likely to lead
is not the physically stronger person;
is not the physically stronger person;
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it is the more creative person,
the more intelligent person,
the more intelligent person,
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the more innovative person,
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and there are no hormones
for those attributes.
for those attributes.
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A man is as likely as a woman
to be intelligent,
to be intelligent,
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to be creative, to be innovative.
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We have evolved;
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but it seems to me that our ideas
of gender had not evolved.
of gender had not evolved.
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Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby
of one of the best Nigerian hotels.
of one of the best Nigerian hotels.
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I thought about naming the hotel,
but I thought I probably shouldn't.
but I thought I probably shouldn't.
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And a guard at the entrance stopped me
and asked me annoying questions,
and asked me annoying questions,
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because their automatic assumption is
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that a Nigerian female walking
into a hotel alone is a sex worker.
into a hotel alone is a sex worker.
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And by the way,
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why do these hotels
focus on the ostensible supply
focus on the ostensible supply
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rather than the demand for sex workers?
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In Lagos I cannot go alone
into many "reputable" bars and clubs.
into many "reputable" bars and clubs.
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They just don't let you in
if you're a woman alone,
if you're a woman alone,
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you have to be accompanied by a man.
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Each time I walk into
a Nigerian restaurant with a man,
a Nigerian restaurant with a man,
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the waiter greets the man and ignores me.
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The waiters are products --
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(Laughter)
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At this some women
felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"
felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"
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The waiters are products of a society
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that has taught them that men
are more important than women.
are more important than women.
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And I know that waiters
don't intend any harm.
don't intend any harm.
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But it's one thing to know intellectually
and quite another to feel it emotionally.
and quite another to feel it emotionally.
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Each time they ignore me,
I feel invisible.
I feel invisible.
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I feel upset.
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I want to tell them
that I am just as human as the man,
that I am just as human as the man,
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that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.
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These are little things,
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but sometimes it's the little things
that sting the most.
that sting the most.
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And not long ago, I wrote an article
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about what it means
to be young and female in Lagos,
to be young and female in Lagos,
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and the printers told me,
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"It was so angry."
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Of course it was angry!
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(Laughter)
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I am angry.
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Gender as it functions today
is a grave injustice.
is a grave injustice.
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We should all be angry.
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Anger has a long history
of bringing about positive change;
of bringing about positive change;
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but, in addition to being angry,
I'm also hopeful.
I'm also hopeful.
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Because I believe deeply
in the ability of human beings
in the ability of human beings
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to make and remake
themselves for the better.
themselves for the better.
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Gender matters everywhere in the world,
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but I want to focus on Nigeria
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and on Africa in general,
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because it is where I know,
and because it is where my heart is.
and because it is where my heart is.
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And I would like today to ask
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that we begin to dream about
and plan for a different world,
and plan for a different world,
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a fairer world,
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a world of happier men and happier women
who are truer to themselves.
who are truer to themselves.
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And this is how to start:
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we must raise our daughters differently.
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We must also raise our sons differently.
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We do a great disservice to boys
on how we raise them;
on how we raise them;
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we stifle the humanity of boys.
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We define masculinity
in a very narrow way,
in a very narrow way,
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masculinity becomes this hard, small cage
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and we put boys inside the cage.
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We teach boys to be afraid of fear.
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We teach boys to be afraid
of weakness, of vulnerability.
of weakness, of vulnerability.
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We teach them to mask their true selves,
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because they have to be,
in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"
in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"
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In secondary school, a boy and a girl,
both of them teenagers,
both of them teenagers,
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both of them with the same amount
of pocket money, would go out
of pocket money, would go out
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and then the boy
would be expected always to pay,
would be expected always to pay,
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to prove his masculinity.
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11:23
And yet we wonder why boys are more likely
to steal money from their parents.
to steal money from their parents.
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What if both boys and girls were raised
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not to link masculinity with money?
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What if the attitude
was not "the boy has to pay"
was not "the boy has to pay"
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but rather "whoever has more should pay?"
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Now, of course because
of that historical advantage,
of that historical advantage,
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it is mostly men who will have more today,
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but if we start
raising children differently,
raising children differently,
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then in fifty years, in a hundred years,
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boys will no longer have the pressure
of having to prove this masculinity.
of having to prove this masculinity.
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3800
11:57
But by far the worst thing we do to males,
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3016
12:00
by making them feel
that they have to be hard,
that they have to be hard,
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2336
12:03
is that we leave them
with very fragile egos.
with very fragile egos.
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12:07
The more "hard man"
the man feels compelled to be,
the man feels compelled to be,
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3400
12:11
the weaker his ego is.
239
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1600
12:14
And then we do a much greater
disservice to girls
disservice to girls
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3016
12:18
because we raise them
to cater to the fragile egos of men.
to cater to the fragile egos of men.
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12:22
We teach girls to shrink themselves,
to make themselves smaller,
to make themselves smaller,
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12:25
we say to girls,
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1200
12:27
"You can have ambition, but not too much."
244
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2176
12:29
(Laughter)
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1376
12:31
"You should aim to be successful,
but not too successful,
but not too successful,
246
739240
2696
12:33
otherwise you would threaten the man."
247
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2040
12:36
If you are the breadwinner
in your relationship with a man,
in your relationship with a man,
248
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2896
12:39
you have to pretend that you're not,
249
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1976
12:41
especially in public,
250
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1656
12:43
otherwise you will emasculate him.
251
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2040
12:46
But what if we question
the premise itself?
the premise itself?
252
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2336
12:49
Why should a woman's success
be a threat to a man?
be a threat to a man?
253
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3320
12:53
What if we decide
to simply dispose of that word,
to simply dispose of that word,
254
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3536
12:56
and I don't think there's an English word
I dislike more than "emasculation."
I dislike more than "emasculation."
255
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13:02
A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me
256
770720
2296
13:05
if I was worried that men
would be intimidated by me.
would be intimidated by me.
257
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2640
13:08
I was not worried at all.
258
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1736
13:10
In fact, it had not occurred
to me to be worried
to me to be worried
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13:12
because a man who would
be intimidated by me
be intimidated by me
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13:14
is exactly the kind of man
I would have no interest in.
I would have no interest in.
261
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2616
13:17
(Laughter)
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13:18
(Applause)
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13:26
But still I was really struck by this.
264
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2840
13:29
Because I'm female,
I'm expected to aspire to marriage;
I'm expected to aspire to marriage;
265
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3600
13:33
I'm expected to make my life choices
266
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1776
13:35
always keeping in mind
that marriage is the most important.
that marriage is the most important.
267
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3080
13:40
A marriage can be a good thing;
268
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1976
13:42
it can be a source of joy
and love and mutual support.
and love and mutual support.
269
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4416
13:46
But why do we teach girls
to aspire to marriage
to aspire to marriage
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13:48
and we don't teach boys the same?
271
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1720
13:52
I know a woman
who decided to sell her house
who decided to sell her house
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2176
13:55
because she didn't want
to intimidate a man who might marry her.
to intimidate a man who might marry her.
273
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3040
13:59
I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria
who, when she goes to conferences,
who, when she goes to conferences,
274
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4456
14:04
wears a wedding ring
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1376
14:05
because according to her,
276
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1216
14:07
she wants the other participants
in the conference to "give her respect."
in the conference to "give her respect."
277
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3920
14:12
I know young women
who are under so much pressure
who are under so much pressure
278
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2336
14:14
from family, from friends,
even from work to get married,
even from work to get married,
279
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4096
14:18
and they're pushed
to make terrible choices.
to make terrible choices.
280
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2080
14:21
A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,
281
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2616
14:24
our society teaches her
to see it as a deep, personal failure.
to see it as a deep, personal failure.
282
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4120
14:29
And a man at a certain age
who is unmarried,
who is unmarried,
283
857040
2776
14:31
we just think he hasn't come around
to making his pick.
to making his pick.
284
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2616
14:34
(Laughter)
285
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1856
14:36
It's easy for us to say,
286
864360
1616
14:38
"Oh, but women can
just say no to all of this."
just say no to all of this."
287
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2256
14:40
But the reality is more difficult
and more complex.
and more complex.
288
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2440
14:43
We're all social beings.
289
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1776
14:45
We internalize ideas
from our socialization.
from our socialization.
290
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2496
14:47
Even the language we use
291
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1976
14:49
in talking about marriage
and relationships illustrates this.
and relationships illustrates this.
292
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3416
14:53
The language of marriage
is often the language of ownership
is often the language of ownership
293
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2856
14:56
rather than the language of partnership.
294
884000
2160
14:58
We use the word "respect"
295
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2696
15:01
to mean something a woman shows a man
296
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2776
15:04
but often not something
a man shows a woman.
a man shows a woman.
297
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2080
15:08
Both men and women in Nigeria will say --
298
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2456
15:10
this is an expression
I'm very amused by --
I'm very amused by --
299
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2296
15:12
"I did it for peace in my marriage."
300
900960
2320
15:16
Now, when men say it,
301
904400
1576
15:18
it is usually about something
that they should not be doing anyway.
that they should not be doing anyway.
302
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3176
15:21
(Laughter)
303
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1936
15:23
Sometimes they say it to their friends,
304
911160
2776
15:25
it's something to say to their friends
in a kind of fondly exasperated way,
in a kind of fondly exasperated way,
305
913960
3936
15:29
you know, something that ultimately
proves how masculine they are,
proves how masculine they are,
306
917920
3136
15:33
how needed, how loved.
307
921080
1456
15:34
"Oh, my wife said
I can't go to the club every night,
I can't go to the club every night,
308
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2496
15:37
so for peace in my marriage,
I do it only on weekends."
I do it only on weekends."
309
925080
2816
15:39
(Laughter)
310
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1696
15:41
Now, when a woman says,
"I did it for peace in my marriage,"
"I did it for peace in my marriage,"
311
929640
4256
15:45
she's usually talking
about giving up a job,
about giving up a job,
312
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3536
15:49
a dream,
313
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1456
15:50
a career.
314
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1360
15:53
We teach females that in relationships,
315
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2416
15:55
compromise is what women do.
316
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2280
15:59
We raise girls to see
each other as competitors --
each other as competitors --
317
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2576
16:01
not for jobs or for accomplishments,
which I think can be a good thing,
which I think can be a good thing,
318
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3456
16:05
but for attention of men.
319
953160
1600
16:07
We teach girls that they
cannot be sexual beings
cannot be sexual beings
320
955920
2936
16:10
in the way that boys are.
321
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1496
16:12
If we have sons, we don't mind
knowing about our sons' girlfriends.
knowing about our sons' girlfriends.
322
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3320
16:16
But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.
323
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2336
16:18
(Laughter)
324
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1616
16:20
But of course when the time is right,
325
968480
1816
16:22
we expect those girls to bring back
the perfect man to be their husbands.
the perfect man to be their husbands.
326
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3896
16:26
We police girls,
we praise girls for virginity,
we praise girls for virginity,
327
974240
3376
16:29
but we don't praise boys for virginity,
328
977640
1936
16:31
and it's always made me wonder how exactly
this is supposed to work out because ...
this is supposed to work out because ...
329
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3905
16:35
(Laughter)
330
983529
2327
16:37
(Applause)
331
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2960
16:45
I mean, the loss of virginity
is usually a process that involves ...
is usually a process that involves ...
332
993760
3400
16:50
Recently a young woman
was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,
was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,
333
998680
4176
16:54
I think some of us know about that.
334
1002880
1696
16:56
And the response of many young Nigerians,
both male and female,
both male and female,
335
1004600
3256
16:59
was something along the lines of this:
336
1007880
2496
17:02
"Yes, rape is wrong.
337
1010400
2176
17:04
But what is a girl doing
in a room with four boys?"
in a room with four boys?"
338
1012600
3280
17:08
Now, if we can forget
the horrible inhumanity of that response,
the horrible inhumanity of that response,
339
1016920
4120
17:14
these Nigerians have been raised
to think of women as inherently guilty,
to think of women as inherently guilty,
340
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3920
17:19
and they have been raised
to expect so little of men
to expect so little of men
341
1027319
3136
17:22
that the idea of men as savage beings
without any control
without any control
342
1030480
3695
17:26
is somehow acceptable.
343
1034200
1240
17:28
We teach girls shame.
344
1036839
2017
17:30
"Close your legs." "Cover yourself."
345
1038880
1880
17:33
We make them feel
as though by being born female
as though by being born female
346
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2255
17:35
they're already guilty of something.
347
1043720
2096
17:37
And so, girls grow up to be women
348
1045839
2336
17:40
who cannot see they have desire.
349
1048200
2136
17:42
They grow up to be women
who silence themselves.
who silence themselves.
350
1050360
2880
17:47
They grow up to be women
who cannot say what they truly think,
who cannot say what they truly think,
351
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3416
17:50
and they grow up --
352
1058520
1336
17:51
and this is the worst thing
we did to girls --
we did to girls --
353
1059880
2176
17:54
they grow up to be women
who have turned pretense into an art form.
who have turned pretense into an art form.
354
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4136
17:58
(Applause)
355
1066240
3840
18:04
I know a woman who hates domestic work,
356
1072440
3416
18:07
she just hates it,
357
1075880
1496
18:09
but she pretends that she likes it,
358
1077400
1720
18:12
because she's been taught
that to be "good wife material"
that to be "good wife material"
359
1080200
4096
18:16
she has to be --
to use that Nigerian word --
to use that Nigerian word --
360
1084320
2376
18:18
very "homely."
361
1086720
1480
18:21
And then she got married,
362
1089440
1536
18:23
and after a while her husband's family
began to complain that she had changed.
began to complain that she had changed.
363
1091000
3816
18:26
(Laughter)
364
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1576
18:28
Actually, she had not changed,
365
1096440
1456
18:29
she just got tired of pretending.
366
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1920
18:32
The problem with gender,
367
1100720
3136
18:35
is that it prescribes how we should be
368
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2536
18:38
rather than recognizing how we are.
369
1106440
2000
18:41
Now imagine how much happier we would be,
370
1109400
2456
18:43
how much freer to be
our true individual selves,
our true individual selves,
371
1111880
3496
18:47
if we didn't have the weight
of gender expectations.
of gender expectations.
372
1115400
2640
18:51
Boys and girls are
undeniably different biologically,
undeniably different biologically,
373
1119240
4776
18:56
but socialization
exaggerates the differences
exaggerates the differences
374
1124040
2976
18:59
and then it becomes
a self-fulfilling process.
a self-fulfilling process.
375
1127040
2576
19:01
Now, take cooking for example.
376
1129640
2040
19:04
Today women in general are more likely
to do the housework than men,
to do the housework than men,
377
1132280
3496
19:07
the cooking and cleaning.
378
1135800
1256
19:09
But why is that?
379
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1576
19:10
Is it because women
are born with a cooking gene?
are born with a cooking gene?
380
1138680
2856
19:13
(Laughter)
381
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1416
19:15
Or because over years they have been
socialized to see cooking as their role?
socialized to see cooking as their role?
382
1143000
4256
19:19
Actually, I was going to say that maybe
women are born with a cooking gene,
women are born with a cooking gene,
383
1147280
3576
19:22
until I remember that the majority
of the famous cooks in the world,
of the famous cooks in the world,
384
1150880
3456
19:26
whom we give the fancy title of "chefs,"
385
1154360
2296
19:28
are men.
386
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1200
19:30
I used to look up to my grandmother
387
1158960
1696
19:32
who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,
388
1160680
2056
19:34
and wonder how she would have been
389
1162760
1736
19:36
if she had the same opportunities
as men when she was growing up.
as men when she was growing up.
390
1164520
3360
19:40
Now today, there are
many more opportunities for women
many more opportunities for women
391
1168960
2576
19:43
than there were
during my grandmother's time
during my grandmother's time
392
1171560
2256
19:45
because of changes in policy,
changes in law,
changes in law,
393
1173840
2616
19:48
all of which are very important.
394
1176480
1576
19:50
But what matters even more
is our attitude, our mindset,
is our attitude, our mindset,
395
1178080
4536
19:54
what we believe
and what we value about gender.
and what we value about gender.
396
1182640
3296
19:57
What if in raising children
397
1185960
2416
20:00
we focus on ability instead of gender?
398
1188400
2800
20:04
What if in raising children
we focus on interest instead of gender?
we focus on interest instead of gender?
399
1192000
4120
20:09
I know a family
who have a son and a daughter,
who have a son and a daughter,
400
1197000
2216
20:11
both of whom are brilliant at school,
401
1199240
1896
20:13
who are wonderful, lovely children.
402
1201160
1896
20:15
When the boy is hungry,
the parents say to the girl,
the parents say to the girl,
403
1203080
2536
20:17
"Go and cook Indomie noodles
for your brother."
for your brother."
404
1205640
2216
20:19
(Laughter)
405
1207880
1216
20:21
Now, the daughter doesn't
particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,
particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,
406
1209120
3496
20:24
but she's a girl, and so she has to.
407
1212640
2776
20:27
Now, what if the parents,
408
1215440
1776
20:29
from the beginning,
409
1217240
1616
20:30
taught both the boy and the girl
to cook Indomie?
to cook Indomie?
410
1218880
3920
20:35
Cooking, by the way,
is a very useful skill for boys to have.
is a very useful skill for boys to have.
411
1223920
3016
20:38
I've never thought it made sense
to leave such a crucial thing,
to leave such a crucial thing,
412
1226960
4856
20:43
the ability to nourish oneself --
413
1231840
1896
20:45
(Laughter)
414
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1216
20:47
in the hands of others.
415
1235000
1536
20:48
(Applause)
416
1236560
2920
20:53
I know a woman who has the same degree
and the same job as her husband.
and the same job as her husband.
417
1241760
3856
20:57
When they get back from work,
she does most of the housework,
she does most of the housework,
418
1245640
2896
21:00
which I think is true for many marriages.
419
1248560
2176
21:02
But what struck me about them
420
1250760
1736
21:04
was that whenever her husband
changed the baby's diaper,
changed the baby's diaper,
421
1252520
2976
21:07
she said "thank you" to him.
422
1255520
2280
21:11
Now, what if she saw this
as perfectly normal and natural
as perfectly normal and natural
423
1259040
4416
21:15
that he should, in fact,
care for his child?
care for his child?
424
1263480
3336
21:18
(Laughter)
425
1266840
1840
21:21
I'm trying to unlearn
many of the lessons of gender
many of the lessons of gender
426
1269680
3496
21:25
that I internalized when I was growing up.
427
1273200
2296
21:27
But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable
in the face of gender expectations.
in the face of gender expectations.
428
1275520
5056
21:32
The first time I taught
a writing class in graduate school,
a writing class in graduate school,
429
1280600
3000
21:36
I was worried.
430
1284360
1256
21:37
I wasn't worried
about the material I would teach
about the material I would teach
431
1285640
2336
21:40
because I was well-prepared,
432
1288000
1336
21:41
and I was going to teach
what I enjoy teaching.
what I enjoy teaching.
433
1289360
2216
21:43
Instead, I was worried about what to wear.
434
1291600
2080
21:46
I wanted to be taken seriously.
435
1294680
1600
21:49
I knew that because I was female
436
1297480
1576
21:51
I will automatically
have to prove my worth.
have to prove my worth.
437
1299080
3160
21:55
And I was worried
that if I looked too feminine,
that if I looked too feminine,
438
1303240
2256
21:57
I would not be taken seriously.
439
1305520
1776
21:59
I really wanted to wear
my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,
my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,
440
1307320
4336
22:03
but I decided not to.
441
1311680
1816
22:05
Instead, I wore a very serious,
442
1313520
2376
22:07
very manly and very ugly suit.
443
1315920
2576
22:10
(Laughter)
444
1318520
1496
22:12
Because the sad truth is
that when it comes to appearance
that when it comes to appearance
445
1320040
2696
22:14
we start off with men
as the standard, as the norm.
as the standard, as the norm.
446
1322760
2600
22:17
If a man is getting ready
for a business meeting,
for a business meeting,
447
1325960
2336
22:20
he doesn't worry
about looking too masculine
about looking too masculine
448
1328320
2136
22:22
and therefore not being taken for granted.
449
1330480
2496
22:25
If a woman has to get ready
for business meeting,
for business meeting,
450
1333000
2496
22:27
she has to worry
about looking too feminine
about looking too feminine
451
1335520
2776
22:30
and what it says and whether or not
she will be taken seriously.
she will be taken seriously.
452
1338320
4280
22:36
I wish I had not worn
that ugly suit that day.
that ugly suit that day.
453
1344000
2200
22:39
I've actually banished it
from my closet, by the way.
from my closet, by the way.
454
1347440
3136
22:42
Had I then the confidence
that I have now to be myself,
that I have now to be myself,
455
1350600
4936
22:47
my students would have benefited
even more from my teaching,
even more from my teaching,
456
1355560
2936
22:50
because I would have been more comfortable
457
1358520
2056
22:52
and more fully and more truly myself.
458
1360600
2000
22:55
I have chosen to no longer
be apologetic for my femaleness
be apologetic for my femaleness
459
1363800
4016
22:59
and for my femininity.
460
1367840
1200
23:01
(Applause)
461
1369680
3000
23:07
And I want to be respected
in all of my femaleness
in all of my femaleness
462
1375800
2856
23:10
because I deserve to be.
463
1378680
1560
23:13
Gender is not an easy
conversation to have.
conversation to have.
464
1381200
2440
23:17
For both men and women,
465
1385080
1576
23:18
to bring up gender is sometimes
to encounter almost immediate resistance.
to encounter almost immediate resistance.
466
1386680
3936
23:22
I can imagine some people here
are actually thinking,
are actually thinking,
467
1390640
3256
23:25
"Women too do sef."
468
1393920
1920
23:29
Some of the men here might be thinking,
469
1397520
2176
23:31
"OK, all of this is interesting,
470
1399720
1736
23:33
but I don't think like that."
471
1401480
1560
23:35
And that is part of the problem.
472
1403960
2216
23:38
That many men do not
actively think about gender
actively think about gender
473
1406200
2976
23:41
or notice gender
474
1409200
1496
23:42
is part of the problem of gender.
475
1410720
2016
23:44
That many men, say, like my friend Louis,
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that everything is fine now.
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23:50
And that many men do nothing to change it.
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23:53
If you are a man and you walk
into a restaurant with a woman
into a restaurant with a woman
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23:55
and the waiter greets only you,
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23:58
does it occur to you to ask the waiter,
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24:00
"Why haven't you greeted her?"
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24:05
Because gender can be --
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24:06
(Laughter)
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24:16
Actually, we may repose
part of a longer version of this talk.
part of a longer version of this talk.
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4496
24:21
So, because gender can be
a very uncomfortable conversation to have,
a very uncomfortable conversation to have,
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3576
24:25
there are very easy ways to close it,
to close the conversation.
to close the conversation.
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24:28
So some people will bring up
evolutionary biology and apes,
evolutionary biology and apes,
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4176
24:32
how, you know, female apes
bow down to male apes
bow down to male apes
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24:36
and that sort of thing.
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24:37
But the point is we're not apes.
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24:39
(Laughter)
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24:41
(Applause)
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24:46
Apes also live on trees
and have earthworms for breakfast,
and have earthworms for breakfast,
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24:51
and we don't.
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24:53
Some people will say,
"Well, poor men also have a hard time."
"Well, poor men also have a hard time."
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24:57
And this is true.
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24:59
But that is not what this --
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25:01
(Laughter)
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25:02
But this is not
what this conversation is about.
what this conversation is about.
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25:06
Gender and class
are different forms of oppression.
are different forms of oppression.
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3776
25:10
I actually learned quite a bit
about systems of oppression
about systems of oppression
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25:13
and how they can be blind to one another
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25:16
by talking to black men.
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25:19
I was once talking
to a black man about gender
to a black man about gender
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3176
25:22
and he said to me,
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1376
25:23
"Why do you have to say
'my experience as a woman'?
'my experience as a woman'?
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3456
25:27
Why can't it be
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25:28
'your experience as a human being'?"
509
1516640
1880
25:31
Now, this was the same man
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25:33
who would often talk
about his experience as a black man.
about his experience as a black man.
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25:39
Gender matters.
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1527360
1216
25:40
Men and women
experience the world differently.
experience the world differently.
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1528600
2496
25:43
Gender colors the way
we experience the world.
we experience the world.
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1531120
2816
25:45
But we can change that.
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1533960
1400
25:48
Some people will say,
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1536520
1936
25:50
"Oh, but women have the real power,
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1538480
2456
25:52
bottom power."
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1540960
1776
25:54
And for non-Nigerians,
bottom power is an expression
bottom power is an expression
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2896
25:57
which I suppose means
something like a woman
something like a woman
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1545680
1856
25:59
who uses her sexuality
to get favors from men.
to get favors from men.
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2760
26:03
But bottom power is not power at all.
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1551200
2720
26:08
Bottom power means that a woman
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2776
26:11
simply has a good root to tap into,
from time to time --
from time to time --
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2896
26:14
somebody else's power.
525
1562120
1440
26:16
And then, of course, we have to wonder
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1564640
1856
26:18
what happens when
that somebody else is in a bad mood,
that somebody else is in a bad mood,
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2656
26:21
or sick
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1569200
1376
26:22
or impotent.
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1200
26:24
(Laughter)
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1572280
3416
26:27
Some people will say that a woman
being subordinate to a man is our culture.
being subordinate to a man is our culture.
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1575720
6240
26:34
But culture is constantly changing.
532
1582640
1976
26:36
I have beautiful twin nieces
who are fifteen and live in Lagos.
who are fifteen and live in Lagos.
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1584640
4656
26:41
If they had been born a hundred years ago
534
1589320
1960
26:44
they would have been
taken away and killed.
taken away and killed.
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1592000
2136
26:46
Because it was our culture,
it was our culture to kill twins.
it was our culture to kill twins.
536
1594160
3040
26:51
So what is the point of culture?
537
1599040
1720
26:53
I mean there's the decorative,
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1601480
1576
26:55
the dancing ...
539
1603080
1616
26:56
but also, culture really is about
preservation and continuity of a people.
preservation and continuity of a people.
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1604720
4616
27:01
In my family,
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27:02
I am the child who is most interested
in the story of who we are,
in the story of who we are,
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3176
27:05
in our traditions,
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1613840
1256
27:07
in the knowledge about ancestral lands.
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1615120
2176
27:09
My brothers are not as interested as I am.
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27:11
But I cannot participate,
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27:14
I cannot go to umunna meetings,
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2016
27:16
I cannot have a say.
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27:18
Because I'm female.
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1200
27:20
Culture does not make people,
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1628080
2096
27:22
people make culture.
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1630200
1400
27:24
So if it is in fact true --
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1632920
1776
27:26
(Applause)
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1634720
3496
27:30
So if it is in fact true
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1638240
1616
27:31
that the full humanity of women
is not our culture,
is not our culture,
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1639880
2896
27:34
then we must make it our culture.
556
1642800
1720
27:38
I think very often of my dear friend,
Okoloma Maduewesi.
Okoloma Maduewesi.
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5616
27:43
May he and all the others
who passed away in that Sosoliso crash
who passed away in that Sosoliso crash
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3976
27:47
continue to rest in peace.
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1655680
1480
27:50
He will always be remembered
by those of us who loved him.
by those of us who loved him.
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3080
27:54
And he was right that day many years ago
when he called me a feminist.
when he called me a feminist.
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4496
27:59
I am a feminist.
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1667400
1240
28:01
And when I looked up the word
in the dictionary that day,
in the dictionary that day,
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2696
28:04
this is what it said:
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1672120
1256
28:05
"Feminist: a person
who believes in the social, political
who believes in the social, political
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3376
28:08
and economic equality of the sexes."
566
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3696
28:12
My great grandmother,
from the stories I've heard,
from the stories I've heard,
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1680520
2936
28:15
was a feminist.
568
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1576
28:17
She ran away from the house of the man
she did not want to marry
she did not want to marry
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3376
28:20
and ended up marrying
the man of her choice.
the man of her choice.
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1688480
2080
28:23
She refused, she protested, she spoke up
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2976
28:26
whenever she felt she was being deprived
of access, of land, that sort of thing.
of access, of land, that sort of thing.
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28:31
My great grandmother
did not know that word "feminist,"
did not know that word "feminist,"
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1699480
3296
28:34
but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one.
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1920
28:38
More of us should reclaim that word.
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1920
28:42
My own definition of feminist is:
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2400
28:45
"A feminist is a man or a woman
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28:47
who says --
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28:49
(Laughter)
579
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28:52
(Applause)
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28:58
A feminist is a man or a woman who says,
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29:01
"Yes, there's a problem
with gender as it is today,
with gender as it is today,
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29:05
and we must fix it.
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29:06
We must do better."
584
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1720
29:09
The best feminist I know
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29:12
is my brother Kene.
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29:14
He's also a kind,
good-looking, lovely man,
good-looking, lovely man,
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29:18
and he's very masculine.
588
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1760
29:21
Thank you.
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29:22
(Applause)
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4280
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - NovelistInspired by Nigerian history and tragedies all but forgotten by recent generations of westerners, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s novels and stories are jewels in the crown of diasporan literature.
Why you should listen
In Nigeria, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's novel Half of a Yellow Sun has helped inspire new, cross-generational communication about the Biafran war. In this and in her other works, she seeks to instill dignity into the finest details of each character, whether poor, middle class or rich, exposing along the way the deep scars of colonialism in the African landscape.
Adichie's newest book, The Thing Around Your Neck, is a brilliant collection of stories about Nigerians struggling to cope with a corrupted context in their home country, and about the Nigerian immigrant experience.
Adichie builds on the literary tradition of Igbo literary giant Chinua Achebe—and when she found out that Achebe liked Half of a Yellow Sun, she says she cried for a whole day. What he said about her rings true: “We do not usually associate wisdom with beginners, but here is a new writer endowed with the gift of ancient storytellers.”
(Photo: Wani Olatunde)
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie | Speaker | TED.com