Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself
آدم جالينسكي: كيف تتحدث لنفسك؟
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
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of this phrase exactly one month ago,
قبل شهر بالضبط
when we got home from the hospital,
إلى المنزل من المستشفى،
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
غذائية كافية من الرضاعة الطبيعية.
to make a bad first impression
neurotic parent.
the next day,
اليوم التالي،
because he was pretty dehydrated.
من القليل من الجفاف.
we can always contact her.
بها دائماً.
أفعل.
when we shouldn't,
لا ينبغي علينا أن نتحدث،
when I let my twin brother down.
أكثر من ١٠ سنوات.
is a documentary filmmaker,
from a distribution company.
about this dilemma of speaking up:
التحدث هذه:
اهتماماتهم،
are varied and diverse,
a universal tapestry.
when they make a mistake?
who keeps stepping on my toes?
insensitive joke?
مراعية للمشاعر؟
my deepest insecurities?
قلقي العميق؟
I've come to recognize
a range of acceptable behavior.
نطاق السلوك المقبول.
we push ourselves too much.
أكثر مما ينبغي.
his range of acceptable behavior.
سلوكه المقبول.
we're rewarded.
ضمن حدود نطاقنا.
we get punished in a variety of ways.
خارج نطاقنا.
or even ostracized.
or that promotion or that deal.
أو تلك الصفقة.
our range isn't fixed;
غير ثابت،
based on the context.
that range more than anything else,
من غيره،
in the form of alternatives.
في المفاوضات.
to a country, like an immigrant,
مثل المهاجر،
and someone's the subordinate.
than the other person.
أكثر من الآخر.
we have lots of power,
our range narrows,
ينتج شيء يسمى
the low-power double bind.
we go unnoticed,
the phrase the "double bind"
and that's gender.
ألا وهو نوع الجنس.
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
اللاتي لا يتحدثن لا يُلاحَظن،
the same need as men to speak up,
للتحدث كما للرجال،
over the last two decades
الماضيين،
like a gender difference
differences in disguise.
between a man and a woman
There's something fundamentally different
شيء مختلف جذرياً
for many sex differences
من الاختلافات بين الجنسين
means that we have a narrow range,
أن لدينا نطاق ضيق،
to expand our range.
two things really matter.
القليلة الماضية.
in your own eyes.
in the eyes of others.
our range of acceptable behavior.
نطاق سلوكنا المقبول.
a set of tools today.
your risk of speaking up.
التحدث عنك.
got discovered in negotiations
في المفاوضات
less ambitions offers
at the bargaining table.
على طاولة المفاوضات مقارنةً بالرجال .
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
وإيميلي أمانة الله
where women get the same outcomes as men
على نتائج مساوية للرجال،
and expand it in their own mind.
عن الآخرين.
"the mama bear effect."
we can discover our own voice.
اكتشاف أصواتنا.
to advocate for ourselves.
بعض الأحيان.
we have to advocate for ourselves
through the eyes of another person.
شخص آخر.
we have to expand our range.
لتوسيع نطاقنا.
what I really want.
your hand just like this:
a capital letter E on your forehead
draw this E in one of two ways,
بأحدى طريقتين،
as a test of perspective-taking.
لتبني وجهة النظر.
an E to another person.
from someone else's vantage point.
is the self-focused E.
على الذات.
self-focused in a crisis.
about a particular crisis.
in Watsonville, California.
up with a bomb."
didn't give him the money.
really important.
is going to be evicted
to rob the bank --
fill out the paperwork."
defused a volatile situation.
وضعاً متقلباً.
and assertive, but still be likable.
وفي نفس الوقت محبوبين.
but still be likable,
وفي نفس الوقت محبوبين،
and you want to sell someone a car.
سيارة لشخص ما.
if you give them two options.
إذا أعطيته خيارين.
and a five-year warranty.
people a choice among options,
ضمن خيارات،
to accept your offer.
work with salespeople;
and rejected everything.
في الرابعة من العمر.
had a brilliant idea.
حسناً، ذلك القميص.
حسناً، ذلك البنطلون.
and without resistance.
around the world
in my audience; when I have allies."
أي عندما يكون لدي حلفاء"
and the eyes of others,
especially in high places,
وخصوصاً في الأماكن الراقية،
they like us because we flatter them,
سيحبوننا لأننا نتملق لهم،
another double bind.
our accomplishments,
about one of our accomplishments,
in their eyes but also be likeable.
ومحبوبين كذلك.
when I have been forewarned
the advice to come ask me for advice.
بأن يطلب النصيحة مني.
three things about this:
to come ask me for advice.
on the strategic benefits
عن الفوائد التخطيطية
because they asked for advice.
لأنهم يطلبون مني النصيحة.
more confident speaking up
بالثقة للتحدث
we already have credibility.
فستكون لدينا المصداقية بالفعل.
we don't have the credibility.
لدينا المصداقية.
we can come across as an expert
to go up to friend of theirs
في الأيام القليلة المقبلة
a passion of yours to me."
about the other person
hands were coming at me."
لأنها كادت أن تصطدم بي".
with a little higher pitch."
as if telling me a secret."
as you listened to their passion?"
in our own eyes, to speak up,
للتحدث،
from others to speak up.
كذلك كي نتحدث.
when we come across as too weak.
وأن نكون ضعفاء جداً.
at work when they shed tears.
عندما يذرفون الدموع.
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
عن عواطفنا كشغف
disappears for both men and women.
يختفي عند كل من الرجال والنساء.
from my late father
brother's wedding.
passion was cinema,
for my brother's wedding
in the human comedy.
في الكوميديا البشرية.
and enriching your performance.
and work to improve their performance
على تحسين أدائهم
ranges and roles in this world.
the essence of this talk:
expanding and evolving.
باستمرار.
can use these tools --
of acceptable behavior,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologistAdam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.
Why you should listen
Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."
Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012).
Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages.
Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com