Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself
אדם גלינסקי: איך לדבר בזכות עצמך
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
הבנתי לפני חודש בדיוק,
when we got home from the hospital,
כשהגענו מבית החולים הביתה,
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
to make a bad first impression
neurotic parent.
the next day,
because he was pretty dehydrated.
כי הוא היה די מיובש.
we can always contact her.
יכולים ליצור עימה קשר.
when we shouldn't,
כשלא היינו צריכים,
when I let my twin brother down.
כשאכזבתי את אחי התאום.
is a documentary filmmaker,
של סרטים דוקומנטריים,
from a distribution company.
about this dilemma of speaking up:
ההתלבטות של לטעון בעבורך:
האינטרסים שלהם,
are varied and diverse,
a universal tapestry.
when they make a mistake?
שלי כשהוא טועה?
who keeps stepping on my toes?
הממשיך לדרוך על בהונותי?
insensitive joke?
לא רגישות של חבר?
my deepest insecurities?
את חוסר הבטחון העמוק ביותר שלי?
I've come to recognize
a range of acceptable behavior.
התנהגות קבילה.
we push ourselves too much.
ודוחפים את עצמנו יותר מדי.
his range of acceptable behavior.
לתחום ההתנהגות הקבילה שלו.
we're rewarded.
אנו מתוגמלים.
we get punished in a variety of ways.
אנו נענשים במגוון אופנים.
or even ostracized.
מושפלים ואף מנודים.
or that promotion or that deal.
הקידום או העיסקה.
our range isn't fixed;
based on the context.
that range more than anything else,
יותר מכל דבר אחר,
in the form of alternatives.
to a country, like an immigrant,
and someone's the subordinate.
והשני כפיף,
than the other person.
we have lots of power,
המרווח שלנו קטן.
our range narrows,
the low-power double bind.
הכפול של חולשה.
we go unnoticed,
the phrase the "double bind"
המונח "החסם הכפול"
and that's gender.
מיגדר.
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
מבחינים בנשים שלא מחוות את דעתן,
the same need as men to speak up,
יש צורך זהה לחוות דעתן כמו לגברים,
over the last two decades
במשך שני העשורים האחרונים
like a gender difference
differences in disguise.
between a man and a woman
There's something fundamentally different
for many sex differences
means that we have a narrow range,
to expand our range.
להרחבת התחום שלנו.
two things really matter.
in your own eyes.
in the eyes of others.
our range of acceptable behavior.
תחום ההתנהגות הקבילה שלנו.
a set of tools today.
your risk of speaking up.
got discovered in negotiations
less ambitions offers
at the bargaining table.
מאשר גברים בשולחן המו"מ.
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
where women get the same outcomes as men
תוצאות זהות לאלו של הגברים
and expand it in their own mind.
ומרחיבות אותו בעיני עצמן.
"the mama bear effect."
we can discover our own voice.
אנו יכולים לגלות את קולנו.
to advocate for ourselves.
we have to advocate for ourselves
כשאנו טוענים בעבורנו
through the eyes of another person.
דרך עיניים של מישהו אחר.
we have to expand our range.
להרחבת התחום שלנו.
what I really want.
את מה שאני באמת רוצה.
your hand just like this:
a capital letter E on your forehead
draw this E in one of two ways,
as a test of perspective-taking.
an E to another person.
from someone else's vantage point.
מנקודת המבט של מישהו אחר.
is the self-focused E.
E מרוכזת בעצמה.
self-focused in a crisis.
about a particular crisis.
in Watsonville, California.
up with a bomb."
didn't give him the money.
really important.
is going to be evicted
to rob the bank --
אתה לא חייב לשדוד את הבנק --
fill out the paperwork."
defused a volatile situation.
ניטרל מצב נפיץ.
and assertive, but still be likable.
ועדיין חביבים.
but still be likable,
and you want to sell someone a car.
ואתם רוצים למכור מכונית למישהו.
if you give them two options.
אם תתנו להם שתי חלופות,
and a five-year warranty.
people a choice among options,
לאנשים בחירה בין חלופות,
to accept your offer.
work with salespeople;
and rejected everything.
had a brilliant idea.
and without resistance.
around the world
in my audience; when I have allies."
כשיש לי בעלי ברית"
and the eyes of others,
ובעיני אחרים,
especially in high places,
במיוחד בחלונות גבוהים,
they like us because we flatter them,
רוכשים את חיבתם כי אנו מחמיאים להם,
another double bind.
our accomplishments,
about one of our accomplishments,
אחד מהישגינו,
in their eyes but also be likeable.
וגם להיות אהודים.
when I have been forewarned
בהן קיבלתי התראה
the advice to come ask me for advice.
לבוא ולשאול בעצתי.
three things about this:
דברים בעניין זה:
to come ask me for advice.
לבוא לשאול בעצתי.
on the strategic benefits
היתרונות האסטרטגיים
because they asked for advice.
כי הם שאלו לעצתי.
more confident speaking up
לחוות את דעתנו
we already have credibility.
we don't have the credibility.
we can come across as an expert
to go up to friend of theirs
a passion of yours to me."
about the other person
hands were coming at me."
הידיים שלהם היו בכיווני."
with a little higher pitch."
as if telling me a secret."
כאילו שהם מספרים לי סוד."
as you listened to their passion?"
in our own eyes, to speak up,
from others to speak up.
את הרשות לחוות את דעתנו.
when we come across as too weak.
אפילו כשאנו נראים חלשים מדי.
at work when they shed tears.
כשהם מזילים דמעות במקום העבודה.
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
את רגשותינו החזקים כתשוקה,
disappears for both men and women.
לגברים ונשים כאחד.
from my late father
brother's wedding.
passion was cinema,
for my brother's wedding
in the human comedy.
and enriching your performance.
and work to improve their performance
ופועלים לשפר את תפקודם
ranges and roles in this world.
the essence of this talk:
expanding and evolving.
משתנים ומתרחבים בקביעות.
can use these tools --
of acceptable behavior,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologistAdam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.
Why you should listen
Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."
Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012).
Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages.
Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com