TEDxNewYork
Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself
Adam Galinsky: Kiat-Kiat Angkat Bicara
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Angkat bicara tidak mudah dilakukan, bahkan di saat kita menyadari akan perlunya angkat bicara. Cari tahu cara tampil meyakinkan, mengatasi situasi sosial serta memperoleh kekuasaan dengan mengikuti kiat-kiat dari pakar psikologi Adam Galinsky.
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologist
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Speaking up is hard to do.
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Angkat bicara tidak mudah dilakukan.
00:16
I understood the true meaning
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
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Saya menyadari makna kalimat ini
tepat sebulan yang lalu,
tepat sebulan yang lalu,
00:21
when my wife and I became new parents.
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saat mulai menjadi orang tua.
00:25
It was an amazing moment.
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Saat yang menakjubkan.
00:26
It was exhilarating and elating,
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Menggembirakan,
00:29
but it was also scary and terrifying.
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tapi juga mengkhawatirkan.
00:32
And it got particularly terrifying
when we got home from the hospital,
when we got home from the hospital,
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Kekhawatiran itu makin menjadi ketika kami
pulang ke rumah dari rumah sakit,
pulang ke rumah dari rumah sakit,
00:36
and we were unsure
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kami tak yakin
00:38
whether our little baby boy was getting
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
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apakah bayi laki-laki kami mendapat
nutrisi yang cukup dari ASI.
nutrisi yang cukup dari ASI.
00:42
And we wanted to call our pediatrician,
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Ingin rasanya menelepon dokter anak kami,
00:45
but we also didn't want
to make a bad first impression
to make a bad first impression
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namun kami tak ingin memberi kesan buruk
00:48
or come across as a crazy,
neurotic parent.
neurotic parent.
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atau dianggap sebagai orang tua
yang hilang akal.
yang hilang akal.
00:51
So we worried.
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Dengan pertimbangan itu,
00:52
And we waited.
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kami pilih menunggu.
00:54
When we got to the doctor's office
the next day,
the next day,
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Saat tiba giliran konsultasi
keesokan harinya,
keesokan harinya,
00:56
she immediately gave him formula
because he was pretty dehydrated.
because he was pretty dehydrated.
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dokter anak ini memberikan susu formula
karena bayi kami mengalami dehidrasi.
karena bayi kami mengalami dehidrasi.
01:01
Our son is fine now,
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Sekarang dia baik-baik saja,
01:02
and our doctor has reassured us
we can always contact her.
we can always contact her.
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dokter kami juga berkata bahwa dirinya
bisa dihubungi kapanpun.
bisa dihubungi kapanpun.
01:06
But in that moment,
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Saat itu,
01:07
I should've spoken up, but I didn't.
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seharusnya saya angkat bicara,
tapi saya tidak.
tapi saya tidak.
01:10
But sometimes we speak up
when we shouldn't,
when we shouldn't,
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Ada kalanya kita angkat bicara
pada saat yang tidak seharusnya,
pada saat yang tidak seharusnya,
01:14
and I learned that over 10 years ago
when I let my twin brother down.
when I let my twin brother down.
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saya menyadari ini saat membuat kembaran
saya kecewa 10 tahun lalu.
saya kecewa 10 tahun lalu.
01:18
My twin brother
is a documentary filmmaker,
is a documentary filmmaker,
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Dia pembuat film dokumenter,
01:21
and for one of his first films,
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salah satu karyanya,
01:22
he got an offer
from a distribution company.
from a distribution company.
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ditawar oleh sebuah perusahaan distribusi.
01:25
He was excited,
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Ia merasa senang,
01:26
and he was inclined to accept the offer.
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dan hampir saja menerima tawaran itu.
01:29
But as a negotiations researcher,
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Tapi sebagai peneliti di bidang negosiasi,
01:31
I insisted he make a counteroffer,
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saya meyakinkannya untuk
menaikkan tawaran,
menaikkan tawaran,
01:34
and I helped him craft the perfect one.
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dan membantu menuliskannya
dengan sempurna.
dengan sempurna.
01:37
And it was perfect --
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Benar-benar sempurna --
01:39
it was perfectly insulting.
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sangat menghina.
01:42
The company was so offended,
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Perusahaan itu merasa tersinggung,
01:44
they literally withdrew the offer
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lalu membatalkan tawaran tersebut
01:46
and my brother was left with nothing.
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kembaran saya kehilangan segalanya.
01:48
And I've asked people all over the world
about this dilemma of speaking up:
about this dilemma of speaking up:
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Saya bertanya pada orang-orang mengenai
dilema angkat bicara ini:
dilema angkat bicara ini:
01:52
when they can assert themselves,
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saat berkata tegas,
01:54
when they can push their interests,
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saat menyampaikan keinginan,
01:55
when they can express an opinion,
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saat menyatakan pendapat,
01:58
when they can make an ambitious ask.
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saat bertanya dengan penuh ambisi.
02:00
And the range of stories
are varied and diverse,
are varied and diverse,
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Hasilnya bermacam-macam dan berbeda-beda,
02:05
but they also make up
a universal tapestry.
a universal tapestry.
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namun ada kesamaan.
02:07
Can I correct my boss
when they make a mistake?
when they make a mistake?
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Apa boleh mengoreksi kesalahan atasan?
02:10
Can I confront my coworker
who keeps stepping on my toes?
who keeps stepping on my toes?
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Apa boleh menentang kolega yang
suka menginjak-injak?
suka menginjak-injak?
02:14
Can I challenge my friend's
insensitive joke?
insensitive joke?
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Apa boleh membalas gurauan
yang seenaknya saja dilontarkan?
yang seenaknya saja dilontarkan?
02:18
Can I tell the person I love the most
my deepest insecurities?
my deepest insecurities?
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Apa boleh kita menceritakan rasa
ketidaknyamanan kepada orang tersayang?
ketidaknyamanan kepada orang tersayang?
02:22
And through these experiences,
I've come to recognize
I've come to recognize
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Melalui semua pertanyaan itu,
saya menyadari
saya menyadari
02:25
that each of us have something called
a range of acceptable behavior.
a range of acceptable behavior.
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bahwa masing-masing dari kita memiliki
tolok ukur kewajaran dalam bertindak.
tolok ukur kewajaran dalam bertindak.
02:29
Now, sometimes we're too strong;
we push ourselves too much.
we push ourselves too much.
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Kadang kita berlebihan;
terlalu memaksakan kehendak.
terlalu memaksakan kehendak.
02:34
That's what happened with my brother.
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Itu yang dialami kembaran saya.
02:36
Even making an offer was outside
his range of acceptable behavior.
his range of acceptable behavior.
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Menaikkan tawaran baginya masuk
ke dalam sikap tidak wajar.
ke dalam sikap tidak wajar.
02:41
But sometimes we're too weak.
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Tapi kadang kita terlalu lemah.
02:43
That's what happened with my wife and I.
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Itu yang dialami saya dan istri saya.
02:45
And this range of acceptable behaviors --
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Mengenai ukuran kewajaran ini --
02:47
when we stay within our range,
we're rewarded.
we're rewarded.
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saat bertindak dalam batas wajar,
kita dapat pujian.
kita dapat pujian.
02:50
When we step outside that range,
we get punished in a variety of ways.
we get punished in a variety of ways.
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Ketika bertindak di luar batas wajar,
kita dapat sanksi yang bermacam jenisnya.
kita dapat sanksi yang bermacam jenisnya.
02:54
We get dismissed or demeaned
or even ostracized.
or even ostracized.
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Dijauhi, dihujat, atau bahkan dikucilkan.
02:58
Or we lose that raise
or that promotion or that deal.
or that promotion or that deal.
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Atau gagal mendapat kenaikan gaji,
jabatan atau kesepakatan bisnis.
jabatan atau kesepakatan bisnis.
03:01
Now, the first thing we need to know is:
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Hal pertama yang harus kita ketahui:
03:04
What is my range?
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Apa ukuran kewajaran kita?
03:06
But the key thing is,
our range isn't fixed;
our range isn't fixed;
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Namun perlu diketahui,
tolok ukur ini tidak selalu sama;
tolok ukur ini tidak selalu sama;
03:11
it's actually pretty dynamic.
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sebenarnya cukup dinamis.
03:12
It expands and it narrows
based on the context.
based on the context.
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Berubah tergantung konteksnya.
03:17
And there's one thing that determines
that range more than anything else,
that range more than anything else,
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Hal yang paling berpengaruh,
03:22
and that's your power.
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adalah kekuasaan.
03:23
Your power determines your range.
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Kekuasaan menentukan ukuran kewajaran.
03:25
What is power?
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Apa itu kekuasaan?
03:26
Power comes in lots of forms.
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Banyak bentuknya,
03:28
In negotiations, it comes
in the form of alternatives.
in the form of alternatives.
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Dalam sebuah negosiasi, kekuasaan
dapat berbentuk alternatif.
dapat berbentuk alternatif.
03:31
So my brother had no alternatives;
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Kembaran saya tidak memiliki alternatif;
03:33
he lacked power.
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ia tak berkuasa.
03:35
The company had lots of alternatives;
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Perusahaan itu memiliki alternatif;
03:36
they had power.
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mereka berkuasa.
03:38
Sometimes it's being new
to a country, like an immigrant,
to a country, like an immigrant,
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Menjadi orang baru di suatu
negara, contohnya imigran,
negara, contohnya imigran,
03:41
or new to an organization
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orang baru di suatu organisasi
03:42
or new to an experience,
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atau mendapat pengalaman baru,
03:44
like my wife and I as new parents.
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seperti kami saat baru menjadi orang tua.
03:46
Sometimes it's at work,
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Di dunia kerja,
03:47
where someone's the boss
and someone's the subordinate.
and someone's the subordinate.
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antara atasan dan bawahan.
03:50
Sometimes it's in relationships,
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Dalam hubungan antar manusia,
03:52
where one person's more invested
than the other person.
than the other person.
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saat seseorang memberi lebih daripada
yang ia terima.
yang ia terima.
03:55
And the key thing is that when
we have lots of power,
we have lots of power,
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Pada intinya ketika berkuasa,
03:58
our range is very wide.
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tolok ukurnya sangatlah luas.
04:00
We have a lot of leeway in how to behave.
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Ada banyak pilihan.
04:03
But when we lack power, our range narrows.
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Ketika tidak berkuasa,
tolok ukur itu menyempit.
tolok ukur itu menyempit.
04:06
We have very little leeway.
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Pilihan menjadi terbatas.
04:08
The problem is that when
our range narrows,
our range narrows,
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Saat hal itu terjadi,
04:11
that produces something called
the low-power double bind.
the low-power double bind.
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timbul situasi serba salah.
04:16
The low-power double bind happens
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Serba salah ini muncul ketika
04:19
when, if we don't speak up,
we go unnoticed,
we go unnoticed,
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kalau tidak angkat bicara,
tidak dihiraukan,
tidak dihiraukan,
04:22
but if we do speak up, we get punished.
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kalau angkat bicara, terkena sanksi.
04:25
Now, many of you have heard
the phrase the "double bind"
the phrase the "double bind"
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Seperti kita ketahui "serba salah"
04:28
and connected it with one thing,
and that's gender.
and that's gender.
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dikaitkan dengan jenis kelamin.
04:31
The gender double bind is women
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
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Wanita yang tidak angkat bicara
tidak dihiraukan,
tidak dihiraukan,
04:35
and women who do speak up get punished.
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sedangkan mereka yang
angkat bicara, dicela.
angkat bicara, dicela.
04:38
And the key thing is that women have
the same need as men to speak up,
the same need as men to speak up,
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Padahal sama halnya dengan pria,
wanita juga perlu angkat bicara,
wanita juga perlu angkat bicara,
04:43
but they have barriers to doing so.
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namun mereka memiliki hambatan.
04:46
But what my research has shown
over the last two decades
over the last two decades
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Riset saya selama 20 tahun terakhir
membuktikan bahwa
membuktikan bahwa
04:49
is that what looks
like a gender difference
like a gender difference
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apa yang kita anggap perbedaan gender
04:53
is not really a gender double bind,
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bukan situasi serba salah yang
dikarenakan gender,
dikarenakan gender,
04:55
it's a really a low-power double bind.
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melainkan serba salah karena
tak berkuasa.
tak berkuasa.
04:57
And what looks like a gender difference
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Perbedaan gender ini
04:59
are really often just power
differences in disguise.
differences in disguise.
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merupakan bentuk perbedaan kekuasaan
yang terselubung.
yang terselubung.
Sering kali perbedaan antara
pria dan wanita
pria dan wanita
05:03
Oftentimes we see a difference
between a man and a woman
between a man and a woman
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atau pria dan wanita
secara umumnya
secara umumnya
05:06
or men and women,
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05:07
and think, "Biological cause.
There's something fundamentally different
There's something fundamentally different
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kita anggap sebagai faktor biologis.
Ada perbedaan fundamental yang berkaitan
dengan jenis kelamin.
dengan jenis kelamin.
05:10
about the sexes."
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05:12
But in study after study,
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Setelah menelusuri lebih lanjut,
05:14
I've found that a better explanation
for many sex differences
for many sex differences
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saya menemukan penjelasan yang lebih tepat
yaitu berujung pada kekuasaan.
05:18
is really power.
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05:20
And so it's the low-power double bind.
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Perasaan serba salah yang berujung
pada kekuasaan.
pada kekuasaan.
05:23
And the low-power double bind
means that we have a narrow range,
means that we have a narrow range,
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Yang berarti menyempitnya
jangkauan,
jangkauan,
05:28
and we lack power.
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tidak punya kuasa.
05:30
We have a narrow range,
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Jangkauan kuasa sempit,
05:31
and our double bind is very large.
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situasi serba salah yang makin menjadi.
05:34
So we need to find ways
to expand our range.
to expand our range.
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Ukuran ini perlu diubah.
05:36
And over the last couple decades,
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Selama berpuluh tahun belakangan,
05:38
my colleagues and I have found
two things really matter.
two things really matter.
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saya dan rekan kerja menemukan
dua hal penentu.
dua hal penentu.
05:41
The first: you seem powerful
in your own eyes.
in your own eyes.
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Satu: Berkuasa di mata diri sendiri.
05:46
The second: you seem powerful
in the eyes of others.
in the eyes of others.
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Dua: Berkuasa di mata orang lain.
05:49
When I feel powerful,
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Saat saya merasa berkuasa,
05:52
I feel confident, not fearful;
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saya percaya diri, tidak takut;
05:54
I expand my own range.
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jangkauan saya melebar.
05:55
When other people see me as powerful,
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Saat orang lain melihat saya berkuasa,
05:58
they grant me a wider range.
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mereka memberi kebebasan lebih
kepada saya.
kepada saya.
06:01
So we need tools to expand
our range of acceptable behavior.
our range of acceptable behavior.
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Kita memerlukan cara
untuk mengubah jangkauan kepercayaan diri.
untuk mengubah jangkauan kepercayaan diri.
06:05
And I'm going to give you
a set of tools today.
a set of tools today.
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Saya akan menunjukkan caranya hari ini.
06:08
Speaking up is risky,
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Angkat bicara itu berisiko,
06:10
but these tools will lower
your risk of speaking up.
your risk of speaking up.
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tapi cara ini akan menurunkan risiko itu.
06:15
The first tool I'm going to give you
got discovered in negotiations
got discovered in negotiations
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Cara pertama yang akan saya berikan
berasal dari negosiasi
berasal dari negosiasi
06:20
in an important finding.
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sebuah penemuan penting.
06:22
On average, women make
less ambitions offers
less ambitions offers
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Rata-rata, wanita mengajukan tawaran
yang kurang ambisius
yang kurang ambisius
06:26
and get worse outcomes than men
at the bargaining table.
at the bargaining table.
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dan hasilnya tidak sebagus pria.
06:30
But Hannah Riley Bowles
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
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Hannah Riley Bowles dan Emily Amanatullah
menemukan bahwa
menemukan bahwa
06:33
there's one situation
where women get the same outcomes as men
where women get the same outcomes as men
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ada situasi di mana hasil yang dicapai
wanita dan pria sama
wanita dan pria sama
06:37
and are just as ambitious.
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dan sama-sama ambisius.
06:39
That's when they advocate for others.
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Yaitu saat seorang wanita
memberi saran kepada wanita lain.
memberi saran kepada wanita lain.
06:43
When they advocate for others,
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Saat itu,
06:45
they discover their own range
and expand it in their own mind.
and expand it in their own mind.
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mereka menyadari jangkauan yang
mereka miliki dan mengembangkannya.
mereka miliki dan mengembangkannya.
06:50
They become more assertive.
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Mereka jadi lebih meyakinkan.
06:51
This is sometimes called
"the mama bear effect."
"the mama bear effect."
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Hal ini disebut "efek ibu beruang".
06:55
Like a mama bear defending her cubs,
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Seperti ibu beruang yang
melindungi anaknya,
melindungi anaknya,
06:57
when we advocate for others,
we can discover our own voice.
we can discover our own voice.
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saat memberi saran kepada orang lain,
kita dapat tersadar akan diri sendiri.
kita dapat tersadar akan diri sendiri.
07:02
But sometimes, we have
to advocate for ourselves.
to advocate for ourselves.
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Namun kadang kita perlu memberi saran
pada diri sendiri.
pada diri sendiri.
07:05
How do we do that?
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Bagaimana caranya?
07:06
One of the most important tools
we have to advocate for ourselves
we have to advocate for ourselves
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Satu hal yang paling penting ketika
memberi saran pada diri sendiri
memberi saran pada diri sendiri
07:10
is something called perspective-taking.
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adalah sudut pandang.
07:13
And perspective-taking is really simple:
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Adalah hal yang sederhana:
07:16
it's simply looking at the world
through the eyes of another person.
through the eyes of another person.
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melihat dunia dengan
sudut pandang orang lain.
sudut pandang orang lain.
07:21
It's one of the most important tools
we have to expand our range.
we have to expand our range.
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Sudut pandang sangatlah penting
untuk memperluas jangkauan kita.
untuk memperluas jangkauan kita.
07:24
When I take your perspective,
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Dengan melihat dari sudut pandang Anda,
07:26
and I think about what you really want,
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sambil memikirkan apa yang Anda mau,
07:29
you're more likely to give me
what I really want.
what I really want.
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semakin besar kesempatan saya untuk dapat
apa yang saya mau dari Anda.
apa yang saya mau dari Anda.
07:33
But here's the problem:
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Hanya saja:
melihat dari sudut pandang orang lain
tak mudah dilakukan.
tak mudah dilakukan.
07:34
perspective-taking is hard to do.
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07:37
So let's do a little experiment.
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Mari kita lakukan percobaan.
07:38
I want you all to hold
your hand just like this:
your hand just like this:
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Angkat tangan Anda seperti ini
07:41
your finger -- put it up.
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telunjuk -- mengarah ke atas.
07:43
And I want you to draw
a capital letter E on your forehead
a capital letter E on your forehead
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Ukir huruf "E" kapital di dahi
secepat mungkin.
07:48
as quickly as possible.
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07:52
OK, it turns out that we can
draw this E in one of two ways,
draw this E in one of two ways,
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Oke, ternyata mengukir huruf E bisa
dilakukan dengan dua cara,
dilakukan dengan dua cara,
07:55
and this was originally designed
as a test of perspective-taking.
as a test of perspective-taking.
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tes ini memang untuk menguji
kemampuan melihat dari sudut pandang lain.
kemampuan melihat dari sudut pandang lain.
07:58
I'm going to show you two pictures
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Saya akan menampilkan dua foto
08:00
of someone with an E on their forehead --
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seseorang dengan huruf E di dahinya --
08:02
my former student, Erika Hall.
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mantan murid saya, Erika Hall.
08:05
And you can see over here,
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Coba lihat di sini,
08:07
that's the correct E.
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huruf E yang benar.
08:08
I drew the E so it looks like
an E to another person.
an E to another person.
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Saya buat huruf E-nya tampak seperti
E yang benar bagi orang lain.
E yang benar bagi orang lain.
08:12
That's the perspective-taking E
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Ini disebut sudut pandang huruf E
08:14
because it looks like an E
from someone else's vantage point.
from someone else's vantage point.
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karena tampak seperti E
di mata orang lain.
di mata orang lain.
08:17
But this E over here
is the self-focused E.
is the self-focused E.
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Tapi E yang di sebelah sini adalah
E kita sendiri.
E kita sendiri.
Kita sering memikirkan diri sendiri.
08:20
We often get self-focused.
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08:22
And we particularly get
self-focused in a crisis.
self-focused in a crisis.
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Kita menjadi lebih fokus pada diri sendiri
pada saat krisis.
pada saat krisis.
08:26
I want to tell you
about a particular crisis.
about a particular crisis.
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Saya punya kisah mengenai krisis.
08:28
A man walks into a bank
in Watsonville, California.
in Watsonville, California.
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Seorang pria mendatangi sebuah bank
di Watsonville, California.
di Watsonville, California.
08:32
And he says, "Give me $2,000,
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Ia berkata, "Serahkan $2000,
08:34
or I'm blowing the whole bank
up with a bomb."
up with a bomb."
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atau saya ledakkan tempat ini."
08:37
Now, the bank manager
didn't give him the money.
didn't give him the money.
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Manajer bank tidak langsung
menyerahkan uangnya.
menyerahkan uangnya.
08:40
She took a step back.
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Ia berpikir.
08:41
She took his perspective,
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Mencoba melihat dari
08:43
and she noticed something
really important.
really important.
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sudut pandang pria itu dan
menyadari hal penting.
menyadari hal penting.
08:45
He asked for a specific amount of money.
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Pria ini meminta jumlah uang
yang spesifik.
yang spesifik.
08:48
So she said,
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Manajer tersebut berkata,
08:50
"Why did you ask for $2,000?"
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"Kenapa $2000?"
08:53
And he said, "My friend
is going to be evicted
is going to be evicted
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Pria itu menjawab, "Temanku akan diusir
08:55
unless I get him $2,000 immediately."
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bila tak segera memberinya $2000."
08:57
And she said, "Oh! You don't want
to rob the bank --
to rob the bank --
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Lalu manajer itu berkata,
"Oh! Anda tidak bermaksud merampok --
"Oh! Anda tidak bermaksud merampok --
09:01
you want to take out a loan."
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maksud Anda adalah pinjaman."
09:02
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
09:03
"Why don't you come back to my office,
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"Ayo ikut ke ruangan saya,
saya akan tunjukkan caranya."
09:05
and we can have you
fill out the paperwork."
fill out the paperwork."
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(Tawa)
09:07
(Laughter)
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Dengan melihat dari sudut pandang si pria
sang manajer mampu meredakan ketegangan.
sang manajer mampu meredakan ketegangan.
09:09
Now, her quick perspective-taking
defused a volatile situation.
defused a volatile situation.
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09:14
So when we take someone's perspective,
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Dengan memahami sudut pandang orang lain,
09:16
it allows us to be ambitious
and assertive, but still be likable.
and assertive, but still be likable.
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kita tampil meyakinkan
tapi tetap diterima pada saat yang sama.
tapi tetap diterima pada saat yang sama.
09:21
Here's another way to be assertive
but still be likable,
but still be likable,
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Cara lain agar tetap meyakinkan
dan juga diterima,
dan juga diterima,
09:24
and that is to signal flexibility.
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adalah tunjukkan fleksibilitas.
09:27
Now, imagine you're a car salesperson,
and you want to sell someone a car.
and you want to sell someone a car.
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Bayangkan Anda sebagai penjual mobil
dan Anda sedang menawari seorang pembeli.
dan Anda sedang menawari seorang pembeli.
09:31
You're going to more likely make the sale
if you give them two options.
if you give them two options.
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Peluang keberhasilan Anda membesar
ketika Anda menawarkan 2 pilihan.
ketika Anda menawarkan 2 pilihan.
09:36
Let's say option A:
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Misalnya, pilihan A:
09:37
$24,000 for this car
and a five-year warranty.
and a five-year warranty.
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harga $24.000 ditambah garansi 5 tahun.
09:41
Or option B:
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Atau pilihan B:
09:42
$23,000 and a three-year warranty.
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harga $23.000 ditambah garansi 3 tahun.
09:45
My research shows that when you give
people a choice among options,
people a choice among options,
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Penelitian saya menunjukkan bahwa
bila seseorang ditawari beberapa pilihan,
bila seseorang ditawari beberapa pilihan,
09:49
it lowers their defenses,
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pertahanan melemah,
09:51
and they're more likely
to accept your offer.
to accept your offer.
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kecenderungan menerima usulan meningkat.
09:54
And this doesn't just
work with salespeople;
work with salespeople;
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Ini tak hanya terjadi pada penjualan;
09:56
it works with parents.
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tapi juga orang tua.
09:57
When my niece was four,
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Saat berumur 4 tahun,
09:58
she resisted getting dressed
and rejected everything.
and rejected everything.
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ponakan saya menolak berpakaian,
apapun itu.
apapun itu.
10:02
But then my sister-in-law
had a brilliant idea.
had a brilliant idea.
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Hingga akhirnya kakak saya
memiliki sebuah ide.
memiliki sebuah ide.
10:05
What if I gave my daughter a choice?
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Bagaimana kalau saya tawari dia pilihan?
10:07
This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt.
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Kaos yang ini atau itu? Oke, yang itu.
10:09
This pant or that pant? OK, that pant.
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Celana yang ini atau itu? Oke, yang itu.
10:11
And it worked brilliantly.
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Idenya berhasil.
10:13
She got dressed quickly
and without resistance.
and without resistance.
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Ponakan saya tidak lagi menolak
berpakaian.
berpakaian.
10:17
When I've asked the question
around the world
around the world
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Ketika saya bertanya pada orang-orang
10:19
when people feel comfortable speaking up,
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kapankah mereka berani angkat bicara?
10:21
the number one answer is:
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jawaban yang muncul pertama:
10:23
"When I have social support
in my audience; when I have allies."
in my audience; when I have allies."
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4754
"Saat mendapat dukungan pendengar;
saat saya punya kawan."
saat saya punya kawan."
10:28
So we want to get allies on our side.
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3546
Intinya, kita ingin punya kawan.
10:31
How do we do that?
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Bagaimana caranya?
10:33
Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear.
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Salah satunya dengan menjadi ibu beruang.
10:36
When we advocate for others,
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Ketika kita memberi anjuran,
10:37
we expand our range in our own eyes
and the eyes of others,
and the eyes of others,
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kita kembangkan jangkauan kita
di hadapan diri sendiri dan orang lain,
di hadapan diri sendiri dan orang lain,
10:41
but we also earn strong allies.
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dan juga memperoleh kawan.
10:43
Another way we can earn strong allies,
especially in high places,
especially in high places,
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Cara lain untuk mendapat dukungan,
terlebih dari yang posisinya lebih tinggi,
terlebih dari yang posisinya lebih tinggi,
10:48
is by asking other people for advice.
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adalah dengan meminta nasihat.
10:51
When we ask others for advice,
they like us because we flatter them,
they like us because we flatter them,
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Saat dimintai nasihat, orang jadi senang
karena itu sama halnya dengan pujian,
karena itu sama halnya dengan pujian,
10:57
and we're expressing humility.
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dan penghormatan.
10:59
And this really works to solve
another double bind.
another double bind.
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Hal ini sangat manjur untuk mengatasi
keserbasalahan.
keserbasalahan.
11:02
And that's the self-promotion double bind.
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Serba salah dalam hal mempromosikan
diri sendiri.
diri sendiri.
11:05
The self-promotion double bind
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Serba salah tipe ini terjadi
11:07
is that if we don't advertise
our accomplishments,
our accomplishments,
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jika kita tidak mempromosikan pencapaian,
11:10
no one notices.
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tidak ada yang menyadari.
11:11
And if we do, we're not likable.
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Tapi saat kita promosikan, tidak disukai.
11:13
But if we ask for advice
about one of our accomplishments,
about one of our accomplishments,
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Namun jika kita minta nasihat tentang
pencapaian kita,
pencapaian kita,
11:17
we are able to be competent
in their eyes but also be likeable.
in their eyes but also be likeable.
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kita tampak kompeten di mata orang lain
dan juga disukai.
dan juga disukai.
11:22
And this is so powerful
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2007
Ini benar-benar berguna
11:24
it even works when you see it coming.
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apalagi saat Anda menyadarinya lebih awal.
11:27
There have been multiple times in life
when I have been forewarned
when I have been forewarned
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Beberapa kali dalam hidup, saya mendapat
peringatan di awal
peringatan di awal
11:31
that a low-power person has been given
the advice to come ask me for advice.
the advice to come ask me for advice.
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bahwa orang-orang yang tak memiliki kuasa
akan datang meminta nasihat kepada saya.
akan datang meminta nasihat kepada saya.
11:36
I want you to notice
three things about this:
three things about this:
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Saya ingin Anda menyadari
tiga hal dari sini:
tiga hal dari sini:
11:38
First, I knew they were going
to come ask me for advice.
to come ask me for advice.
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Pertama, saya tahu mereka akan datang
untuk meminta nasihat.
untuk meminta nasihat.
11:41
Two, I've actually done research
on the strategic benefits
on the strategic benefits
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Kedua, saya sudah melakukan riset
tentang keuntungan dari
tentang keuntungan dari
11:45
of asking for advice.
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meminta nasihat.
11:47
And three, it still worked!
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2326
Yang ketiga, itu masih juga berhasil!
11:50
I took their perspective,
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Melalui sudut pandang mereka,
11:51
I became more invested in their calls,
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saya memberi mereka perhatian lebih,
11:54
I became more committed to them
because they asked for advice.
because they asked for advice.
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saya lebih berkomitmen karena
dimintai nasehat.
dimintai nasehat.
11:58
Now, another time we feel
more confident speaking up
more confident speaking up
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Contoh lain saat kita jadi lebih
percaya diri untuk angkat bicara
percaya diri untuk angkat bicara
12:01
is when we have expertise.
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adalah saat memiliki keahlian.
12:04
Expertise gives us credibility.
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Keahlian memberi kita kredibilitas.
12:06
When we have high power,
we already have credibility.
we already have credibility.
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2927
Saat berkuasa, kita telah
memiliki kredibilitas.
memiliki kredibilitas.
12:09
We only need good evidence.
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1465
Kita hanya butuh sedikit bukti.
12:11
When we lack power,
we don't have the credibility.
we don't have the credibility.
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Saat kita tidak berkuasa,
Kita tidak berkrediblitas.
Kita tidak berkrediblitas.
12:14
We need excellent evidence.
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Kita butuh bukti yang kuat.
12:17
And one of the ways
we can come across as an expert
we can come across as an expert
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Salah satu cara untuk menjadi orang ahli
12:21
is by tapping into our passion.
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adalah dengan menggunakan kegemaran.
12:23
I want everyone in the next few days
to go up to friend of theirs
to go up to friend of theirs
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Dalam waktu beberapa hari ke depan,
coba temui teman-teman Anda
coba temui teman-teman Anda
12:27
and just say to them,
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1245
katakan pada mereka,
12:29
"I want you to describe
a passion of yours to me."
a passion of yours to me."
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"Jelaskan kegemaranmu padaku".
12:32
I've had people do this all over the world
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Saya pernah meminta orang-orang
melakukan hal ini
melakukan hal ini
12:35
and I asked them,
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1256
lalu saya tanyai mereka,
12:36
"What did you notice
about the other person
about the other person
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"Apa yang Anda sadari saat meminta orang
12:38
when they described their passion?"
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2054
menjelaskan kegemarannya?"
12:40
And the answers are always the same.
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1900
Jawabannya selalu sama.
12:42
"Their eyes lit up and got big."
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2008
"Matanya berbinar-binar dan besar."
12:44
"They smiled a big beaming smile."
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2949
"Mereka tersenyum lebar."
12:47
"They used their hands all over --
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1644
"Tangannya kemana-mana--
12:49
I had to duck because their
hands were coming at me."
hands were coming at me."
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757395
2482
saya harus menghindar karena
hampir kena saya."
hampir kena saya."
"Bicaranya cepat dengan nada
yang agak tinggi."
yang agak tinggi."
12:51
"They talk quickly
with a little higher pitch."
with a little higher pitch."
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2201
12:54
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
12:55
"They leaned in
as if telling me a secret."
as if telling me a secret."
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2444
"Badannya condong seolah sedang
bicara rahasia."
bicara rahasia."
12:57
And then I said to them,
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1321
Lalu saya berkata,
12:58
"What happened to you
as you listened to their passion?"
as you listened to their passion?"
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"Apa yang Anda rasakan saat
mendengarkan mereka?"
mendengarkan mereka?"
13:02
They said, "My eyes lit up.
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2280
Mereka jawab, "Mata saya berbinar-binar.
13:04
I smiled.
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Saya tersenyum.
13:05
I leaned in."
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1373
Saya mencondongkan diri."
13:07
When we tap into our passion,
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2069
Ketika kita membicarakan kegemaran,
13:09
we give ourselves the courage,
in our own eyes, to speak up,
in our own eyes, to speak up,
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3366
kita memberikan keberanian pada diri
kita untuk angkat bicara,
kita untuk angkat bicara,
13:12
but we also get the permission
from others to speak up.
from others to speak up.
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dan mendapat izin dari orang lain
pada saat yang sama.
pada saat yang sama.
13:16
Tapping into our passion even works
when we come across as too weak.
when we come across as too weak.
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Ini juga berlaku saat kita merasa lemah.
13:22
Both men and women get punished
at work when they shed tears.
at work when they shed tears.
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4474
Baik pria maupun wanita akan dicela
kalau ketahuan menangis saat bekerja.
kalau ketahuan menangis saat bekerja.
13:27
But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
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Namun Lizzie Wolf membuktikan saat emosi
diluapkan dalam bentuk kegemaran,
diluapkan dalam bentuk kegemaran,
13:33
the condemnation of our crying
disappears for both men and women.
disappears for both men and women.
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tidak ada lagi celaan ketika menangis
saat bekerja, baik itu pria maupun wanita.
saat bekerja, baik itu pria maupun wanita.
13:40
I want to end with a few words
from my late father
from my late father
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Saya ingin mengakhiri dengan beberapa kata
dari almarhum ayah saya
dari almarhum ayah saya
13:44
that he spoke at my twin
brother's wedding.
brother's wedding.
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2161
yang ia ucapkan pada
pernikahan kembaran saya.
pernikahan kembaran saya.
13:46
Here's a picture of us.
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1585
Ini foto kami.
13:49
My dad was a psychologist like me,
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Ayah adalah seorang psikolog seperti saya,
13:51
but his real love and his real
passion was cinema,
passion was cinema,
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3722
tapi kecintaan dan kegemarannya
ada pada perfilman,
ada pada perfilman,
13:55
like my brother.
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seperti kembaran saya.
13:56
And so he wrote a speech
for my brother's wedding
for my brother's wedding
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Ia menulis pidato untuk
acara pernikahan kembaran saya
acara pernikahan kembaran saya
13:59
about the roles we play
in the human comedy.
in the human comedy.
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tentang berperan dalam sebuah komedi.
14:02
And he said, "The lighter your touch,
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Ia berkata ,"Semakin sedikit persiapan
14:04
the better you become at improving
and enriching your performance.
and enriching your performance.
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semakin mudah untuk improvisasi
dan memperkaya penampilan."
dan memperkaya penampilan."
14:09
Those who embrace their roles
and work to improve their performance
and work to improve their performance
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Mereka yang menghayati peran
dan mencoba meningkatkan penampilannya
dan mencoba meningkatkan penampilannya
14:14
grow, change and expand the self.
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tumbuh, berubah, dan berkembang.
14:17
Play it well,
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Lakukan dengan baik,
14:18
and your days will be mostly joyful."
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dan hari-harimu akan menyenangkan."
14:20
What my dad was saying
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Maksud ayah saya adalah
14:22
is that we've all been assigned
ranges and roles in this world.
ranges and roles in this world.
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kita semua memiliki peran masing-masing.
14:27
But he was also saying
the essence of this talk:
the essence of this talk:
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Ayah saya juga mengatakan bahwa
inti pembicaraan ini:
inti pembicaraan ini:
14:31
those roles and ranges are constantly
expanding and evolving.
expanding and evolving.
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peran dan jangkauan akan selalu
berkembang dan berubah.
berkembang dan berubah.
14:36
So when a scene calls for it,
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Saat dibutuhkan,
14:39
be a ferocious mama bear
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jadilah ibu beruang yang garang,
14:41
and a humble advice seeker.
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dan seorang pencari nasihat
yang rendah hati.
yang rendah hati.
14:43
Have excellent evidence and strong allies.
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Miliki bukti dan dukungan yang kuat.
14:47
Be a passionate perspective taker.
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Bersemangatlah melihat
dari sudut pandang orang lain.
dari sudut pandang orang lain.
Jika kita menggunakan cara-cara itu --
14:50
And if you use those tools --
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14:52
and each and every one of you
can use these tools --
can use these tools --
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dan masing-masing dari kita
bisa menggunakan cara itu --
bisa menggunakan cara itu --
14:56
you will expand your range
of acceptable behavior,
of acceptable behavior,
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kita kembangkan jangkauan atas
perilaku yang bisa diterima
perilaku yang bisa diterima
14:59
and your days will be mostly joyful.
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dan hari-hari kita akan menyenangkan.
15:04
Thank you.
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Terima kasih.
15:05
(Applause)
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(Tepuk tangan)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologistAdam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.
Why you should listen
Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."
Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012).
Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages.
Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com