TEDxNewYork
Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself
Adam Galinski (Adam Galinsky): Kako se zauzeti za sebe
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Teško je zauzeti se za sebe, čak i kada znate da bi trebalo. Naučite kako da se založite za sebe, da se snađete u zapetljanim društvenim situacijama i proširite svoje lične moći uz svesrdnu pomoć socijalnog psihologa Adama Galinskog.
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologist
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Speaking up is hard to do.
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Teško je zauzeti se za sebe.
00:16
I understood the true meaning
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
of this phrase exactly one month ago,
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Razumeo sam pravo značenje te fraze
tačno pre mesec dana,
tačno pre mesec dana,
00:21
when my wife and I became new parents.
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kada smo supruga i ja postali roditelji.
00:25
It was an amazing moment.
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Bio je to neverovatan trenutak.
00:26
It was exhilarating and elating,
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Uzbudljiv i pun ushićenja,
00:29
but it was also scary and terrifying.
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ali takođe i zastrašujuć.
00:32
And it got particularly terrifying
when we got home from the hospital,
when we got home from the hospital,
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A postalo je posebno zastrašujuće
kada smo stigli kući iz bolnice
kada smo stigli kući iz bolnice
00:36
and we were unsure
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i nismo bili sigurni
00:38
whether our little baby boy was getting
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
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da li naš mali sin iz majčinog mleka
dobija dovoljno hranljivih sastojaka.
dobija dovoljno hranljivih sastojaka.
00:42
And we wanted to call our pediatrician,
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Želeli smo da pozovemo našeg pedijatra,
00:45
but we also didn't want
to make a bad first impression
to make a bad first impression
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ali opet nismo želeli
da ostavimo loš prvi utisak,
da ostavimo loš prvi utisak,
ili da izgledamo kao ludi,
neurotični roditelji.
neurotični roditelji.
00:48
or come across as a crazy,
neurotic parent.
neurotic parent.
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00:51
So we worried.
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Tako da smo brinuli
00:52
And we waited.
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i čekali.
00:54
When we got to the doctor's office
the next day,
the next day,
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Kada smo otišli kod lekara sledećeg dana,
odmah mu je dala veštačku hranu
jer je prilično dehidrirao.
jer je prilično dehidrirao.
00:56
she immediately gave him formula
because he was pretty dehydrated.
because he was pretty dehydrated.
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01:01
Our son is fine now,
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Naš sin je sada dobro,
01:02
and our doctor has reassured us
we can always contact her.
we can always contact her.
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a naša doktorka nas je ohrabrila
da uvek možemo da joj se obratimo.
da uvek možemo da joj se obratimo.
01:06
But in that moment,
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Ali tada
01:07
I should've spoken up, but I didn't.
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je trebalo da se izjasnim, a nisam.
01:10
But sometimes we speak up
when we shouldn't,
when we shouldn't,
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No, nekad se borimo za sebe
kada ne bi trebalo,
kada ne bi trebalo,
01:14
and I learned that over 10 years ago
when I let my twin brother down.
when I let my twin brother down.
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a to sam naučio pre više od 10 godina
kada sam izneverio brata blizanca.
kada sam izneverio brata blizanca.
01:18
My twin brother
is a documentary filmmaker,
is a documentary filmmaker,
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Moj brat režira dokumentarce
i za jedan od svojih prvih filmova
01:21
and for one of his first films,
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dobio je ponudu od jednog distributera.
01:22
he got an offer
from a distribution company.
from a distribution company.
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01:25
He was excited,
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Bio je uzbuđen
01:26
and he was inclined to accept the offer.
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i samo što nije prihvatio ponudu.
01:29
But as a negotiations researcher,
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Ali kao analitičar za pregovore,
01:31
I insisted he make a counteroffer,
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insistirao sam da napravi kontraponudu
01:34
and I helped him craft the perfect one.
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i pomogao sam mu da izradi savršenu.
01:37
And it was perfect --
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I bila je savršena -
01:39
it was perfectly insulting.
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bila je savršeno uvredljiva.
01:42
The company was so offended,
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Distributer je bio toliko uvređen
01:44
they literally withdrew the offer
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da su bukvalno povukli ponudu
01:46
and my brother was left with nothing.
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i moj brat je ostao bez ičega.
01:48
And I've asked people all over the world
about this dilemma of speaking up:
about this dilemma of speaking up:
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A ja sam pitao ljude širom sveta
o dilemi u vezi izražavanja svog stava:
o dilemi u vezi izražavanja svog stava:
01:52
when they can assert themselves,
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kada mogu da se založe za sebe,
01:54
when they can push their interests,
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kada mogu da nametnu svoje interese,
01:55
when they can express an opinion,
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kada mogu da izraze svoje mišljenje,
01:58
when they can make an ambitious ask.
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kada mogu da izađu
sa ambicioniznim zahtevom.
sa ambicioniznim zahtevom.
02:00
And the range of stories
are varied and diverse,
are varied and diverse,
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Spektar odgovora
je različit i raznovrstan,
je različit i raznovrstan,
02:05
but they also make up
a universal tapestry.
a universal tapestry.
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ali takođe čini i jedinstvenu tapiseriju.
02:07
Can I correct my boss
when they make a mistake?
when they make a mistake?
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Mogu li da ispravim nadređenog
kada napravi grešku?
kada napravi grešku?
02:10
Can I confront my coworker
who keeps stepping on my toes?
who keeps stepping on my toes?
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Mogu li da se suprotstavim kolegi
koji mi stalno staje na žulj?
koji mi stalno staje na žulj?
02:14
Can I challenge my friend's
insensitive joke?
insensitive joke?
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Mogu li da odgovorim
na neumesnu šalu prijatelja?
na neumesnu šalu prijatelja?
02:18
Can I tell the person I love the most
my deepest insecurities?
my deepest insecurities?
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Mogu li osobi koju najviše volim
reći svoje najdublje strahove?
reći svoje najdublje strahove?
02:22
And through these experiences,
I've come to recognize
I've come to recognize
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Kroz ova iskustva, spoznao sam
02:25
that each of us have something called
a range of acceptable behavior.
a range of acceptable behavior.
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da svako od nas ima nešto što se zove
spektar prihvatljivog ponašanja.
spektar prihvatljivog ponašanja.
02:29
Now, sometimes we're too strong;
we push ourselves too much.
we push ourselves too much.
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Ponekad smo isuviše jaki;
previše pomeramo svoje granice.
previše pomeramo svoje granice.
02:34
That's what happened with my brother.
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To se dogodilo sa mojim bratom.
02:36
Even making an offer was outside
his range of acceptable behavior.
his range of acceptable behavior.
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Čak je i samo iznošenje ponude
bila van njegovog opsega
prihvatljivog ponašanja.
prihvatljivog ponašanja.
02:41
But sometimes we're too weak.
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Ali nekad smo isuviše slabi.
02:43
That's what happened with my wife and I.
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To se desilo sa mojom suprugom i sa mnom.
02:45
And this range of acceptable behaviors --
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Ovaj spektar prihvatljivog ponašanja -
02:47
when we stay within our range,
we're rewarded.
we're rewarded.
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kada ostajemo u svom opsegu,
bivamo nagrađeni.
Kada iskoračimo izvan granica,
bivamo kažnjeni na razne načine.
bivamo kažnjeni na razne načine.
02:50
When we step outside that range,
we get punished in a variety of ways.
we get punished in a variety of ways.
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Odbacuju nas, ponižavaju
ili čak izopštavaju.
ili čak izopštavaju.
02:54
We get dismissed or demeaned
or even ostracized.
or even ostracized.
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Ili izgubimo tu povišicu,
unapređenje ili pogodbu.
unapređenje ili pogodbu.
02:58
Or we lose that raise
or that promotion or that deal.
or that promotion or that deal.
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03:01
Now, the first thing we need to know is:
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E, sad, prvo što treba da znamo
je gde su naše granice.
je gde su naše granice.
03:04
What is my range?
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03:06
But the key thing is,
our range isn't fixed;
our range isn't fixed;
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Ključno je da naše granice nisu fiksirane;
u stvari su prilično dinamične.
03:11
it's actually pretty dynamic.
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03:12
It expands and it narrows
based on the context.
based on the context.
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Šire se i sužavaju zavisno od konteksta.
03:17
And there's one thing that determines
that range more than anything else,
that range more than anything else,
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Postoji nešto što određuje te granice
više od bilo čega drugog,
više od bilo čega drugog,
03:22
and that's your power.
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a to je vaša moć.
03:23
Your power determines your range.
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Vaša moć određuje vaše granice.
03:25
What is power?
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Šta je moć?
03:26
Power comes in lots of forms.
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Moć dolazi u dosta oblika.
03:28
In negotiations, it comes
in the form of alternatives.
in the form of alternatives.
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U pregovorima dolazi u obliku alternativa.
03:31
So my brother had no alternatives;
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Moj brat nije imao nijednu alternativu;
03:33
he lacked power.
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nedostajala mu je moć.
03:35
The company had lots of alternatives;
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Kompanija je imala dosta alternativa;
03:36
they had power.
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ona je posedovala moć.
03:38
Sometimes it's being new
to a country, like an immigrant,
to a country, like an immigrant,
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Ponekad to znači biti nov
u nekoj državi, poput imigranta,
u nekoj državi, poput imigranta,
03:41
or new to an organization
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ili nov u nekoj organizaciji
03:42
or new to an experience,
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ili naići na novo iskustvo,
03:44
like my wife and I as new parents.
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poput moje supruge i mene kao roditelja.
03:46
Sometimes it's at work,
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Ponekad je to na poslu,
gde je neko nadređeni a neko podređeni.
03:47
where someone's the boss
and someone's the subordinate.
and someone's the subordinate.
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Ponekad je to u nekoj vezi,
03:50
Sometimes it's in relationships,
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gde je jedna osoba ulaže
više od one druge.
više od one druge.
03:52
where one person's more invested
than the other person.
than the other person.
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03:55
And the key thing is that when
we have lots of power,
we have lots of power,
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A ključna stvar je da,
kada imamo veliku moć,
kada imamo veliku moć,
03:58
our range is very wide.
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naše granice su vrlo široke.
04:00
We have a lot of leeway in how to behave.
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Imamo dosta slobode u svom ponašanju.
04:03
But when we lack power, our range narrows.
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Ali kada nemamo moć,
naše granice se sužavaju.
naše granice se sužavaju.
04:06
We have very little leeway.
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Imamo jako malo slobode.
04:08
The problem is that when
our range narrows,
our range narrows,
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Problem je u tome što,
kada se granice smanje,
kada se granice smanje,
04:11
that produces something called
the low-power double bind.
the low-power double bind.
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to stvara nešto što se zove
duple poruke kod manje moći.
duple poruke kod manje moći.
04:16
The low-power double bind happens
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Duple poruke kod manje moći
se događaju kada,
se događaju kada,
04:19
when, if we don't speak up,
we go unnoticed,
we go unnoticed,
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ako ne izrazimo svoj stav,
ostajemo neprimećeni,
ostajemo neprimećeni,
04:22
but if we do speak up, we get punished.
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ali ako progovorimo, bivamo kažnjeni.
04:25
Now, many of you have heard
the phrase the "double bind"
the phrase the "double bind"
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E, sad, mnogi od vas su čuli
frazu „duple poruke“
frazu „duple poruke“
04:28
and connected it with one thing,
and that's gender.
and that's gender.
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i povezuju je
sa jednom stvari, a to je rod.
sa jednom stvari, a to je rod.
04:31
The gender double bind is women
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
who don't speak up go unnoticed,
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Duple poruke kod roda podrazumevaju
da kada žene ne izraze stav,
ne primete ih,
ne primete ih,
04:35
and women who do speak up get punished.
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a žene koje izraze stav, bivaju kažnjene.
04:38
And the key thing is that women have
the same need as men to speak up,
the same need as men to speak up,
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Ključno je da žene imaju istu potrebu
da izraze stav kao i muškarci,
da izraze stav kao i muškarci,
04:43
but they have barriers to doing so.
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ali na tom putu imaju prepreke.
04:46
But what my research has shown
over the last two decades
over the last two decades
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Moje istraživanje je pokazalo
tokom poslednje dve decenije
tokom poslednje dve decenije
04:49
is that what looks
like a gender difference
like a gender difference
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da ono što izgledaju kao rodne razlike
04:53
is not really a gender double bind,
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nisu stvarno „duple poruke“ kod roda
04:55
it's a really a low-power double bind.
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već „duple poruke“ kad je moć u pitanju.
04:57
And what looks like a gender difference
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Ono što izgleda kao rodna razlika
04:59
are really often just power
differences in disguise.
differences in disguise.
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je često zapravo
prikrivena razlika u moći.
prikrivena razlika u moći.
05:03
Oftentimes we see a difference
between a man and a woman
between a man and a woman
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Često vidimo razliku
između muškarca i žene
između muškarca i žene
ili muškaraca i žena,
05:06
or men and women,
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i mislimo: „Biološki uzrok.
05:07
and think, "Biological cause.
There's something fundamentally different
There's something fundamentally different
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Postoji nešto suštinski različito
u pogledu polova.“
u pogledu polova.“
05:10
about the sexes."
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Ali ja sam u svakoj studiji
05:12
But in study after study,
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05:14
I've found that a better explanation
for many sex differences
for many sex differences
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otkrio da je bolje objašnjenje
za mnoge polne razlike
za mnoge polne razlike
05:18
is really power.
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zapravo moć.
05:20
And so it's the low-power double bind.
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Tako su to duple poruke kod manje moći.
05:23
And the low-power double bind
means that we have a narrow range,
means that we have a narrow range,
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A duple poruke kod male moći
podrazumevaju da imamo sužen izbor
podrazumevaju da imamo sužen izbor
05:28
and we lack power.
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i da nemamo moć.
05:30
We have a narrow range,
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Imamo sužene granice
05:31
and our double bind is very large.
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i „duple poruke“ su veoma izražene.
05:34
So we need to find ways
to expand our range.
to expand our range.
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Treba da nađemo načine
da proširimo naše granice.
da proširimo naše granice.
05:36
And over the last couple decades,
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Poslednjih nekoliko decenija,
moje kolege i ja smo otkrili
da su dve stvari vrlo važne.
da su dve stvari vrlo važne.
05:38
my colleagues and I have found
two things really matter.
two things really matter.
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05:41
The first: you seem powerful
in your own eyes.
in your own eyes.
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Prvo: da sami sebe smatrate moćnima.
05:46
The second: you seem powerful
in the eyes of others.
in the eyes of others.
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Drugo: da vas drugi smatraju moćnima.
05:49
When I feel powerful,
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Kada se osećam moćno,
05:52
I feel confident, not fearful;
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imam samopouzdanje, ne strah;
05:54
I expand my own range.
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širim svoje granice.
05:55
When other people see me as powerful,
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Kada me drugi vide kao moćnog,
05:58
they grant me a wider range.
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oni mi daju veće granice.
06:01
So we need tools to expand
our range of acceptable behavior.
our range of acceptable behavior.
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Znači, treba nam nešto što bi proširilo
naše granice prihvatljivog ponašanja.
naše granice prihvatljivog ponašanja.
06:05
And I'm going to give you
a set of tools today.
a set of tools today.
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A ja ću vas danas upoznati
sa nekoliko alata.
sa nekoliko alata.
06:08
Speaking up is risky,
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Izražavanje svog stava je rizično,
06:10
but these tools will lower
your risk of speaking up.
your risk of speaking up.
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ali ovi alati će smanjiti
rizik izjašnjavanja.
rizik izjašnjavanja.
06:15
The first tool I'm going to give you
got discovered in negotiations
got discovered in negotiations
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Prvi alat koji ću podeliti sa vama
je otkriven u pregovorima
je otkriven u pregovorima
06:20
in an important finding.
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u jednom važnom pronalasku.
06:22
On average, women make
less ambitions offers
less ambitions offers
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U proseku, žene iznose
manje ambiciozne ponude
manje ambiciozne ponude
06:26
and get worse outcomes than men
at the bargaining table.
at the bargaining table.
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i imaju gore ishode od muškaraca
za pregovaračkim stolom.
za pregovaračkim stolom.
06:30
But Hannah Riley Bowles
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
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Ali Hana Rajli Bouls
i Emili Amanatula su otkrile
i Emili Amanatula su otkrile
06:33
there's one situation
where women get the same outcomes as men
where women get the same outcomes as men
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da postoji jedna situacija
gde su žene uspešne kao i muškarci
gde su žene uspešne kao i muškarci
06:37
and are just as ambitious.
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i isto tako ambiciozne.
06:39
That's when they advocate for others.
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To je kada štite druge.
06:43
When they advocate for others,
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Kada se zalažu za druge,
06:45
they discover their own range
and expand it in their own mind.
and expand it in their own mind.
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one otkrivaju svoje granice
i šire ih u svom umu.
i šire ih u svom umu.
06:50
They become more assertive.
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Postaju asertivnije.
06:51
This is sometimes called
"the mama bear effect."
"the mama bear effect."
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Ovo se ponekad zove „efekat mame lavice“.
06:55
Like a mama bear defending her cubs,
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Poput majke zaštitnice
koja brani svoje mlade,
koja brani svoje mlade,
06:57
when we advocate for others,
we can discover our own voice.
we can discover our own voice.
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kada štitimo druge,
otkrivamo sopstveni glas.
otkrivamo sopstveni glas.
07:02
But sometimes, we have
to advocate for ourselves.
to advocate for ourselves.
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No, ponekad, moramo da zaštitimo sebe.
07:05
How do we do that?
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Kako to da uradimo?
07:06
One of the most important tools
we have to advocate for ourselves
we have to advocate for ourselves
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Jedan od najvažnijih alata
kojim raspolažemo za svoju zaštitu
kojim raspolažemo za svoju zaštitu
07:10
is something called perspective-taking.
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se ponekad zove menjanje perspektive.
07:13
And perspective-taking is really simple:
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Menjanje perspektive je dosta jednostavno:
07:16
it's simply looking at the world
through the eyes of another person.
through the eyes of another person.
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to je prosto gledanje na svet
očima druge osobe.
očima druge osobe.
07:21
It's one of the most important tools
we have to expand our range.
we have to expand our range.
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To je jedan od najvažnijih alata
koje imamo za širenje svojih granica.
koje imamo za širenje svojih granica.
07:24
When I take your perspective,
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Kada zauzmem vašu perspektivu
07:26
and I think about what you really want,
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i razmišljam o tome šta vi zapravo želite,
07:29
you're more likely to give me
what I really want.
what I really want.
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veće su šanse da ćete mi pružiti
ono što ja želim.
ono što ja želim.
07:33
But here's the problem:
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Ali evo problema:
07:34
perspective-taking is hard to do.
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menjanje perspektive je teško postići.
07:37
So let's do a little experiment.
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Vreme je za mali eksperiment.
07:38
I want you all to hold
your hand just like this:
your hand just like this:
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Želim da svi ovako držite šaku;
07:41
your finger -- put it up.
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podignite prst.
07:43
And I want you to draw
a capital letter E on your forehead
a capital letter E on your forehead
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I želim da nacrtate
veliko slovo E na svom čelu
veliko slovo E na svom čelu
07:48
as quickly as possible.
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što brže možete.
07:52
OK, it turns out that we can
draw this E in one of two ways,
draw this E in one of two ways,
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Okej, izgleda da možemo
da nacrtamo ovo E na dva načina,
da nacrtamo ovo E na dva načina,
07:55
and this was originally designed
as a test of perspective-taking.
as a test of perspective-taking.
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i ovo je prvobitno osmišljeno
kao test menjanja perspektive.
kao test menjanja perspektive.
07:58
I'm going to show you two pictures
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Pokazaću vam dve slike
08:00
of someone with an E on their forehead --
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nekoga sa slovom E na čelu -
moje bivše studentkinje, Erike Hol.
08:02
my former student, Erika Hall.
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08:05
And you can see over here,
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Ovde možete videti
08:07
that's the correct E.
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da je ovo tačno slovo E.
08:08
I drew the E so it looks like
an E to another person.
an E to another person.
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Nacrtao sam slovo E
tako da drugoj osobi izgleda kao E.
tako da drugoj osobi izgleda kao E.
08:12
That's the perspective-taking E
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To je E sa promenjenom perspektivom
08:14
because it looks like an E
from someone else's vantage point.
from someone else's vantage point.
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zato što izgleda kao E
sa stanovišta nekog drugog.
sa stanovišta nekog drugog.
08:17
But this E over here
is the self-focused E.
is the self-focused E.
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Ali ovo E ovde je E usmereno na sebe.
Često smo fokusirani sami na sebe.
08:20
We often get self-focused.
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08:22
And we particularly get
self-focused in a crisis.
self-focused in a crisis.
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A posebno postanemo fokusirani
sami na sebe tokom neke krize.
sami na sebe tokom neke krize.
08:26
I want to tell you
about a particular crisis.
about a particular crisis.
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Ispričaću vam o jednoj konkretnoj krizi.
Čovek ulazi u banku
u Votsonvilu u Kaliforniji
u Votsonvilu u Kaliforniji
08:28
A man walks into a bank
in Watsonville, California.
in Watsonville, California.
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08:32
And he says, "Give me $2,000,
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i kaže: „Dajte mi 2 000 dolara
08:34
or I'm blowing the whole bank
up with a bomb."
up with a bomb."
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ili ću dići celu banku u vazduh.“
08:37
Now, the bank manager
didn't give him the money.
didn't give him the money.
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E, sad, upravnica banke
mu nije dala novac.
mu nije dala novac.
08:40
She took a step back.
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Koraknula je unazad.
08:41
She took his perspective,
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Zauzela je njegov stav
08:43
and she noticed something
really important.
really important.
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i primetila je nešto zaista važno.
08:45
He asked for a specific amount of money.
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Zatražio je određenu količinu novca.
08:48
So she said,
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Stoga je upitala:
08:50
"Why did you ask for $2,000?"
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„A zašto tražite 2 000 dolara?“
08:53
And he said, "My friend
is going to be evicted
is going to be evicted
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Odgovorio je: „Mog prijatelja će iseliti
08:55
unless I get him $2,000 immediately."
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ako mu odmah ne nabavim 2 000 dolara.“
08:57
And she said, "Oh! You don't want
to rob the bank --
to rob the bank --
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A ona će njemu: „Pa vama ne treba
da opljačkate banku -
da opljačkate banku -
09:01
you want to take out a loan."
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vama treba da uzmete kredit.“
09:02
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
09:03
"Why don't you come back to my office,
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„Da odemo mi do moje kancelarije
i tamo završimo papirologiju.“
09:05
and we can have you
fill out the paperwork."
fill out the paperwork."
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09:07
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
09:09
Now, her quick perspective-taking
defused a volatile situation.
defused a volatile situation.
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Njena brza promena perspektive
je sprečila neizvesnu situaciju.
je sprečila neizvesnu situaciju.
09:14
So when we take someone's perspective,
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Tako kada zauzmemo nečiju perspektivu,
09:16
it allows us to be ambitious
and assertive, but still be likable.
and assertive, but still be likable.
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možemo biti ambiciozni i asertivni,
a dopasti se drugima.
a dopasti se drugima.
09:21
Here's another way to be assertive
but still be likable,
but still be likable,
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Drugi načina da budete asertivni,
a opet da se dopadnete drugima,
a opet da se dopadnete drugima,
09:24
and that is to signal flexibility.
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je da pokažete fleksibilnost.
09:27
Now, imagine you're a car salesperson,
and you want to sell someone a car.
and you want to sell someone a car.
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Sad zamislite da ste prodavac automobila
i želite nekome da prodate auto.
i želite nekome da prodate auto.
09:31
You're going to more likely make the sale
if you give them two options.
if you give them two options.
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Veća je verovatnoća da će prodaja
biti uspešna ako ponudite dve opcije.
biti uspešna ako ponudite dve opcije.
09:36
Let's say option A:
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Da kažemo da je prva opcija:
09:37
$24,000 for this car
and a five-year warranty.
and a five-year warranty.
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24 000 dolara za ovaj auto
i pet godina garancije.
i pet godina garancije.
09:41
Or option B:
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Ili druga opcija:
09:42
$23,000 and a three-year warranty.
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23 000 dolara i tri godine garancije.
09:45
My research shows that when you give
people a choice among options,
people a choice among options,
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Moje istraživanje pokazuje
da kada ljudima date više opcija,
da kada ljudima date više opcija,
09:49
it lowers their defenses,
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njihov mehanizam odbrane opada
09:51
and they're more likely
to accept your offer.
to accept your offer.
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i verovatnije je
da će prihvatiti vašu ponudu.
da će prihvatiti vašu ponudu.
09:54
And this doesn't just
work with salespeople;
work with salespeople;
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To ne važi samo za prodavce;
to važi i za roditelje.
09:56
it works with parents.
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Moja bratanica je sa četiri godine
09:57
When my niece was four,
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09:58
she resisted getting dressed
and rejected everything.
and rejected everything.
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pružala otpor prema oblačenju
i odbijala je sve.
i odbijala je sve.
10:02
But then my sister-in-law
had a brilliant idea.
had a brilliant idea.
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Ali je onda moja snaja
došla na sjajnu ideju.
došla na sjajnu ideju.
Šta ako svojoj ćerki dam izbor?
10:05
What if I gave my daughter a choice?
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10:07
This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt.
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Ova ili ona majica? Okej, ona majica.
Ove pantalonice ili one? Okej, one.
10:09
This pant or that pant? OK, that pant.
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10:11
And it worked brilliantly.
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To je sjajno funkcionisalo.
10:13
She got dressed quickly
and without resistance.
and without resistance.
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Oblačenje je išlo brzo
i bez ikakvog otpora.
i bez ikakvog otpora.
10:17
When I've asked the question
around the world
around the world
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Kada sam širom sveta
postavljao pitanje ljudima
postavljao pitanje ljudima
kada im je najprijatnije
da izraze svoj stav,
da izraze svoj stav,
10:19
when people feel comfortable speaking up,
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2051
10:21
the number one answer is:
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najčešći odgovor bio je:
10:23
"When I have social support
in my audience; when I have allies."
in my audience; when I have allies."
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„Kada imam podršku ljudi u publici;
kada imam saveznike.“
kada imam saveznike.“
10:28
So we want to get allies on our side.
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Znači, želimo da uz nas budu saveznici.
10:31
How do we do that?
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Kako to da postignemo?
10:33
Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear.
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Pa, jedan od načina
je da budemo kao lavica.
je da budemo kao lavica.
10:36
When we advocate for others,
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1476
Kada se borimo za druge,
10:37
we expand our range in our own eyes
and the eyes of others,
and the eyes of others,
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3529
bivamo veći u sopstvenim očima
i u očima drugih,
i u očima drugih,
10:41
but we also earn strong allies.
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a takođe pridobijamo i moćne saveznike.
10:43
Another way we can earn strong allies,
especially in high places,
especially in high places,
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Drugi način da steknemo moćne saveznike,
posebno na visokim pozicijama,
posebno na visokim pozicijama,
10:48
is by asking other people for advice.
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je da pitamo ljude za savet.
10:51
When we ask others for advice,
they like us because we flatter them,
they like us because we flatter them,
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Kada pitamo druge za savet,
dopadamo im se jer im laskamo
dopadamo im se jer im laskamo
10:57
and we're expressing humility.
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i pokazujemo poniznost.
10:59
And this really works to solve
another double bind.
another double bind.
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Ovo zaista funkcioniše
kada treba rešiti drugu „duplu poruku“.
kada treba rešiti drugu „duplu poruku“.
11:02
And that's the self-promotion double bind.
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A to je „dupla poruka“ samopromocije.
11:05
The self-promotion double bind
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Dupla poruka samopromocije podrazumeva da,
11:07
is that if we don't advertise
our accomplishments,
our accomplishments,
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ako sami ne istaknemo svoje rezultate,
11:10
no one notices.
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niko ih ne primećuje.
11:11
And if we do, we're not likable.
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A ako to uradimo, ljudi nas ne vole.
11:13
But if we ask for advice
about one of our accomplishments,
about one of our accomplishments,
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No, ako pitamo za savet u vezi
sa nekim našim poduhvatima,
sa nekim našim poduhvatima,
11:17
we are able to be competent
in their eyes but also be likeable.
in their eyes but also be likeable.
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izgledaćemo kompetentno,
a i dopašćemo se drugima.
a i dopašćemo se drugima.
11:22
And this is so powerful
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A ovo je tako moćno
11:24
it even works when you see it coming.
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da čak funkcioniše i kada to očekujete.
11:27
There have been multiple times in life
when I have been forewarned
when I have been forewarned
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Dosta puta u životu mi se desilo
da sam bio upozoren
da sam bio upozoren
11:31
that a low-power person has been given
the advice to come ask me for advice.
the advice to come ask me for advice.
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da su nekome sa manje moći
dali savet da dođe kod mene po savet.
dali savet da dođe kod mene po savet.
11:36
I want you to notice
three things about this:
three things about this:
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Želim da primetite tri stvari
kod ove situacije.
kod ove situacije.
11:38
First, I knew they were going
to come ask me for advice.
to come ask me for advice.
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Prvo, znao sam da će doći
da me pita za savet.
da me pita za savet.
11:41
Two, I've actually done research
on the strategic benefits
on the strategic benefits
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Drugo, zapravo sam radio istraživanje
o strateškim prednostima
o strateškim prednostima
11:45
of asking for advice.
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1301
traženja saveta.
11:47
And three, it still worked!
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I treće, i dalje je prolazilo!
Zauzeo sam drugu perspektivu.
11:50
I took their perspective,
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11:51
I became more invested in their calls,
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Postao sam više uključen
za njihove potrebe,
za njihove potrebe,
11:54
I became more committed to them
because they asked for advice.
because they asked for advice.
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više sam im se posvetio
jer su me pitali za savet.
jer su me pitali za savet.
11:58
Now, another time we feel
more confident speaking up
more confident speaking up
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Druga situacija kada se izjašnjavamo
sa više samopouzdanja
sa više samopouzdanja
12:01
is when we have expertise.
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1741
je kada imamo znanje.
12:04
Expertise gives us credibility.
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Znanje nam daje kredibilitet.
Kada imamo veliku moć,
već imamo kredibilitet.
već imamo kredibilitet.
12:06
When we have high power,
we already have credibility.
we already have credibility.
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12:09
We only need good evidence.
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Samo nam treba dobar dokaz.
12:11
When we lack power,
we don't have the credibility.
we don't have the credibility.
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Kada nemamo moć, nemamo kredibilitet.
12:14
We need excellent evidence.
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Treba nam odličan dokaz.
12:17
And one of the ways
we can come across as an expert
we can come across as an expert
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A jedan od načina na koji možemo
da se pokažemo kao eksperti
da se pokažemo kao eksperti
12:21
is by tapping into our passion.
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je da zaronimo u našu strast.
12:23
I want everyone in the next few days
to go up to friend of theirs
to go up to friend of theirs
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Želim da svi vi u narednih par dana
odete do svojih prijatelja
odete do svojih prijatelja
12:27
and just say to them,
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i kažete im:
12:29
"I want you to describe
a passion of yours to me."
a passion of yours to me."
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„Želim da mi opišeš svoju strast.“
12:32
I've had people do this all over the world
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Zadao sam ljudima širom sveta da to rade
12:35
and I asked them,
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1256
i pitao ih:
12:36
"What did you notice
about the other person
about the other person
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2169
„Šta ste primetili kod te osobe
12:38
when they described their passion?"
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2054
dok je opisivala svoju strast
prema nečemu?“
prema nečemu?“
12:40
And the answers are always the same.
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1900
Odgovori su uvek bili isti.
12:42
"Their eyes lit up and got big."
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2008
„Oči bi im zasijale i raširile se.“
12:44
"They smiled a big beaming smile."
268
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2949
„Osmeh bi im obasjao lice.“
12:47
"They used their hands all over --
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1644
„Dosta bi gestikulirali -
morao sam da se odmaknem
jer bi me inače udarili.“
jer bi me inače udarili.“
12:49
I had to duck because their
hands were coming at me."
hands were coming at me."
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2482
„Pričaju brzo i malo glasnije.“
12:51
"They talk quickly
with a little higher pitch."
with a little higher pitch."
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2201
12:54
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
„Nagnuli bi se kao da mi pričaju tajnu.“
12:55
"They leaned in
as if telling me a secret."
as if telling me a secret."
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2444
12:57
And then I said to them,
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1321
Pitao sam ih:
12:58
"What happened to you
as you listened to their passion?"
as you listened to their passion?"
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3074
„Šta se desilo vama
dok ste ih slušali da tako pričaju?“
dok ste ih slušali da tako pričaju?“
13:02
They said, "My eyes lit up.
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Odgovorili su: „I meni su oči zasjale.
13:04
I smiled.
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Smešio sam se.
13:05
I leaned in."
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1373
Nagnuo sam se.“
13:07
When we tap into our passion,
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2069
Kada smo usredsređeni na našu strast,
13:09
we give ourselves the courage,
in our own eyes, to speak up,
in our own eyes, to speak up,
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u sopstvenim očima postajemo hrabriji
da izrazimo naš stav,
da izrazimo naš stav,
13:12
but we also get the permission
from others to speak up.
from others to speak up.
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a takođe i od drugih dobijemo dozvolu
da izrazimo mišljenje.
da izrazimo mišljenje.
13:16
Tapping into our passion even works
when we come across as too weak.
when we come across as too weak.
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Usredsređivanje na našu strast
čak funkcioniše i kada izgledamo preslabi.
čak funkcioniše i kada izgledamo preslabi.
13:22
Both men and women get punished
at work when they shed tears.
at work when they shed tears.
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I muškarci i žene bivaju kažnjeni
na poslu kada zaplaču.
na poslu kada zaplaču.
13:27
But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
we frame our strong emotions as passion,
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Međutim, Lizi Volf je pokazala da,
kada oblikujemo snažne emocije u strast,
kada oblikujemo snažne emocije u strast,
13:33
the condemnation of our crying
disappears for both men and women.
disappears for both men and women.
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prezir prema našem plaču
nestaje i kod muškaraca i žena.
nestaje i kod muškaraca i žena.
13:40
I want to end with a few words
from my late father
from my late father
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Želim da završim sa par reči
mog pokojnog oca
mog pokojnog oca
13:44
that he spoke at my twin
brother's wedding.
brother's wedding.
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na venčanju mog brata blizanca.
13:46
Here's a picture of us.
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Evo nas trojice na slici.
13:49
My dad was a psychologist like me,
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Moj tata je bio psiholog, kao i ja,
13:51
but his real love and his real
passion was cinema,
passion was cinema,
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ali je njegova prava ljubav
i strast bio bioskop,
i strast bio bioskop,
13:55
like my brother.
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kao i kod mog brata.
13:56
And so he wrote a speech
for my brother's wedding
for my brother's wedding
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I tako je napisao govor
za venčanje mog brata
za venčanje mog brata
13:59
about the roles we play
in the human comedy.
in the human comedy.
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o ulogama koje igramo u ljudskoj komediji.
14:02
And he said, "The lighter your touch,
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Rekao je: „Što je nežniji tvoj dodir,
14:04
the better you become at improving
and enriching your performance.
and enriching your performance.
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bićeš bolji u unapređenju
i obogaćivanju svog nastupa.
i obogaćivanju svog nastupa.
14:09
Those who embrace their roles
and work to improve their performance
and work to improve their performance
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Oni koji prigrle svoje uloge
i rade na unapređivanju svog nastupa,
i rade na unapređivanju svog nastupa,
14:14
grow, change and expand the self.
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rastu, menjaju se i šire sebe.
14:17
Play it well,
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Odigraj dobro,
14:18
and your days will be mostly joyful."
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i tvoji dani biće ispunjeni radošću.“
14:20
What my dad was saying
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Ono što je moj tata mislio
14:22
is that we've all been assigned
ranges and roles in this world.
ranges and roles in this world.
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je da su nam svima pripisane
granice i uloge na ovom svetu.
granice i uloge na ovom svetu.
14:27
But he was also saying
the essence of this talk:
the essence of this talk:
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Ali je takođe rekao i suštinu ovog govora:
14:31
those roles and ranges are constantly
expanding and evolving.
expanding and evolving.
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ove uloge i okviri
se stalno šire i razvijaju.
se stalno šire i razvijaju.
14:36
So when a scene calls for it,
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Tako da kada to scena zahteva,
14:39
be a ferocious mama bear
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budite i razjarena lavica
14:41
and a humble advice seeker.
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i neko ko ponizno traži savet.
14:43
Have excellent evidence and strong allies.
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Imajte odlične dokaze i moćne saveznike.
14:47
Be a passionate perspective taker.
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Strastveno se stavljajte
u tuđu perspektivu.
u tuđu perspektivu.
14:50
And if you use those tools --
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I ako koristite ove alate -
14:52
and each and every one of you
can use these tools --
can use these tools --
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a svako od vas to može -
14:56
you will expand your range
of acceptable behavior,
of acceptable behavior,
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prevazići ćete svoje granice
prihvatljivog ponašanja,
prihvatljivog ponašanja,
14:59
and your days will be mostly joyful.
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i dani će vam biti ispunjeni radošću.
15:04
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
15:05
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologistAdam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.
Why you should listen
Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."
Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012).
Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages.
Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com