TED@State Street London
Morgana Bailey: The danger of hiding who you are
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Morgana Bailey has been hiding her true self for 16 years. In a brave talk, she utters four words that might not seem like a big deal to some, but to her have been paralyzing. Why speak up? Because she’s realized that her silence has personal, professional and societal consequences. In front of an audience of her co-workers, she reflects on what it means to fear the judgment of others, and how it makes us judge ourselves.
Morgana Bailey - Human resources professional
A human resources activist, Morgana Bailey wants to see the diversity of society reflected in the workplace, and employees of all walks of life feel comfortable being open about who they are. Full bio
A human resources activist, Morgana Bailey wants to see the diversity of society reflected in the workplace, and employees of all walks of life feel comfortable being open about who they are. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
When I was young,
I prided myself as a nonconformist
I prided myself as a nonconformist
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Ketika muda, saya membanggakan diri
sebagai orang berpandangan terbuka
sebagai orang berpandangan terbuka
00:17
in the conservative
U.S. state I live in, Kansas.
U.S. state I live in, Kansas.
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di negara bagian Amerika yang konservatif,
Kansas.
Kansas.
00:22
I didn't follow along with the crowd.
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Aku tidak mengikuti masyarakat.
00:24
I wasn't afraid to try
weird clothing trends or hairstyles.
weird clothing trends or hairstyles.
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Aku tidak takut mencoba tren pakaian atau
gaya rambut aneh.
gaya rambut aneh.
00:28
I was outspoken and extremely social.
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Aku bicara terang-terangan dan
gemar bersosialisasi.
gemar bersosialisasi.
00:31
Even these pictures and postcards
of my London semester abroad 16 years ago
of my London semester abroad 16 years ago
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Bahkan foto dan kartu pos dari semesterku
di London 16 tahun lalu
di London 16 tahun lalu
00:38
show that I obviously didn't care
if I was perceived as weird or different.
if I was perceived as weird or different.
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menunjukkan bahwa aku memang tidak peduli
bila dianggap aneh atau berbeda.
bila dianggap aneh atau berbeda.
00:44
(Laughter)
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(gelak tawa)
00:46
But that same year
I was in London, 16 years ago,
I was in London, 16 years ago,
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Tapi di tahun yang sama,
16 tahun lalu ketika aku berada di London,
16 tahun lalu ketika aku berada di London,
00:51
I realized something about myself
that actually was somewhat unique,
that actually was somewhat unique,
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Aku menyadari sesuatu tentang diriku
yang ternyata cukup unik,
yang ternyata cukup unik,
00:56
and that changed everything.
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dan itu mengubah semuanya.
01:01
I became the opposite
of who I thought I once was.
of who I thought I once was.
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Aku menjadi kebalikan dari diri
yang kukenal sebelumnya.
yang kukenal sebelumnya.
01:05
I stayed in my room
instead of socializing.
instead of socializing.
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Aku diam di kamar, bukannya bersosialisasi.
01:08
I stopped engaging in clubs
and leadership activities.
and leadership activities.
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Aku berhenti aktif di klub dan kegiatan
kepemimpinan.
kepemimpinan.
01:12
I didn't want to stand out
in the crowd anymore.
in the crowd anymore.
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Aku tidak lagi mau mencolok di keramaian.
01:16
I told myself it was because
I was growing up and maturing,
I was growing up and maturing,
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Kukatakan pada diriku sendiri
Aku tengah bertumbuh dan menjadi dewasa
Aku tengah bertumbuh dan menjadi dewasa
01:20
not that I was suddenly
looking for acceptance.
looking for acceptance.
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bukan karena aku tiba-tiba
mengharapkan penerimaan.
mengharapkan penerimaan.
Aku selalu berpikir aku
tidak butuh penerimaan.
tidak butuh penerimaan.
01:23
I had always assumed I was immune
to needing acceptance.
to needing acceptance.
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Lagipula aku memang agak tidak biasa.
01:26
After all, I was a bit unconventional.
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01:29
But I realize now
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Tapi sekarang aku menyadari,
01:31
that the moment I realized
something was different about me
something was different about me
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begitu aku sadar ada yang berbeda dariku
01:35
was the exact same moment
that I began conforming and hiding.
that I began conforming and hiding.
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saat itulah aku mulai mengikuti alur
dan bersembunyi.
dan bersembunyi.
01:41
Hiding is a progressive habit,
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Sembunyi adalah kebiasaan
yang terus berkembang
yang terus berkembang
01:44
and once you start hiding,
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dan begitu kau mulai sembunyi,
01:45
it becomes harder and harder
to step forward and speak out.
to step forward and speak out.
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semakin lama semakin sulit
untuk maju dan berbicara.
untuk maju dan berbicara.
01:51
In fact, even now,
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Bahkan, saat ini,
01:53
when I was talking to people
about what this talk was about,
about what this talk was about,
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ketika aku berbicara pada orang
tentang apakah seminar ini
tentang apakah seminar ini
01:57
I made up a cover story
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Aku membuat cerita bohong
01:59
and I even hid the truth
about my TED Talk.
about my TED Talk.
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dan menyembunyikan kenyataan
tentang seminar TED-ku.
tentang seminar TED-ku.
02:04
So it is fitting and scary
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Jadi sesuai dan menakutkan bahwa
02:09
that I have returned
to this city 16 years later
to this city 16 years later
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aku kembali ke kota ini 16 tahun kemudian
02:13
and I have chosen this stage
to finally stop hiding.
to finally stop hiding.
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dan aku telah memilih panggung ini
untuk berhenti bersembunyi.
untuk berhenti bersembunyi.
02:20
What have I been hiding
for 16 years?
for 16 years?
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Apa yang telah kusembunyikan selama
16 tahun?
16 tahun?
02:26
I am a lesbian.
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Aku seorang lesbian.
02:29
(Applause)
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(tepuk tangan)
02:45
Thank you.
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Terima kasih.
02:48
I've struggled to say those words,
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Aku bersusah payah
untuk bisa mengatakannya
untuk bisa mengatakannya
02:50
because I didn't want
to be defined by them.
to be defined by them.
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karena aku tidak ingin dipandang
karena itu.
karena itu.
02:53
Every time I would think
about coming out in the past,
about coming out in the past,
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Di masa lalu,
setiap kali aku berpikir untuk mengaku
setiap kali aku berpikir untuk mengaku
02:56
I would think to myself,
but I just want to be known as Morgana,
but I just want to be known as Morgana,
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Aku selalu berpikir, 'tapi aku
hanya ingin dilihat sebagai Morgana'
hanya ingin dilihat sebagai Morgana'
03:01
uniquely Morgana,
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Morgana saja,
03:03
but not "my lesbian friend Morgana,"
or "my gay coworker Morgana."
or "my gay coworker Morgana."
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bukan 'temanku Morgana yang lesbian'
atau 'Morgana si rekan kerjaku yang gay'.
atau 'Morgana si rekan kerjaku yang gay'.
03:08
Just Morgana.
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Hanya Morgana.
03:10
For those of you from large
metropolitan areas,
metropolitan areas,
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Bagi kalian yang berasal
dari kota metropolis
dari kota metropolis
03:14
this may not seem like a big deal to you.
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mungkin ini tidak terasa
seperti hal besar.
seperti hal besar.
03:16
It may seem strange
that I have suppressed the truth
that I have suppressed the truth
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Mungkin terasa aneh
bahwa aku memendam kenyataan
bahwa aku memendam kenyataan
03:19
and hidden this for so long.
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dan menyembunyikannya begitu lama.
03:23
But I was paralyzed by my fear
of not being accepted.
of not being accepted.
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Tapi aku dihantui ketakutan
tidak diterima.
tidak diterima.
03:28
And I'm not alone, of course.
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Dan tentu, aku tak sendiri.
03:31
A 2013 Deloitte study found
that a surprisingly large number of people
that a surprisingly large number of people
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Penelitian tahun 2013 di Deloitte
menemukan bahwa sejumlah besar orang
menemukan bahwa sejumlah besar orang
03:36
hide aspects of their identity.
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menyembunyikan aspek identitasnya.
03:39
Of all the employees they surveyed,
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Dari semua pegawai yang disurvei,
03:41
61 percent reported changing an aspect
of their behavior or their appearance
of their behavior or their appearance
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61 persen melaporkan melakukan
perubahan pada sikap atau penampilan
perubahan pada sikap atau penampilan
03:47
in order to fit in at work.
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supaya bisa cocok di kantor.
03:49
Of all the gay, lesbian
and bisexual employees,
and bisexual employees,
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Dari semua pegawai gay, lesbian,
dan transgender
dan transgender
03:54
83 percent admitted to changing
some aspects of themselves
some aspects of themselves
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83 persen mengakui mengubah
aspek diri mereka
aspek diri mereka
03:59
so they would not
appear at work "too gay."
appear at work "too gay."
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supaya tidak terlihat 'terlalu gay'
di tempat kerja.
di tempat kerja.
04:04
The study found that even in companies
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Penelitian menemukan bahkan di perusahaan
04:07
with diversity policies
and inclusion programs,
and inclusion programs,
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yang punya aturan keragaman dan program
inklusi,
inklusi,
04:11
employees struggle
to be themselves at work
to be themselves at work
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pegawai kesulitan menjadi diri sendiri
di tempat kerja
di tempat kerja
04:14
because they believe
conformity is critical
conformity is critical
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karena mereka merasa mengikuti standar
sangatlah penting
sangatlah penting
04:16
to their long-term career advancement.
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untuk peningkatan karir mereka
dalam jangka panjang.
dalam jangka panjang.
04:20
And while I was surprised
that so many people just like me
that so many people just like me
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Dan walau aku terkejut
ada banyak orang sepertiku
ada banyak orang sepertiku
04:25
waste so much energy
trying to hide themselves,
trying to hide themselves,
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membuang begitu banyak energi
untuk menyembunyikan diri mereka,
untuk menyembunyikan diri mereka,
04:29
I was scared when I discovered
that my silence
that my silence
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Aku ketakutan ketika tahu
kebisuanku
kebisuanku
04:33
has life-or-death consequences
and long-term social repercussions.
and long-term social repercussions.
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mempunyai akibat hidup atau mati
dan hukuman sosial jangka panjang.
dan hukuman sosial jangka panjang.
04:41
Twelve years:
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Dua belas tahun:
04:43
the length by which
life expectancy is shortened
life expectancy is shortened
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masa hidup yang berkurang
04:46
for gay, lesbian and bisexual people
in highly anti-gay communities
in highly anti-gay communities
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bagi gay, lesbian, dan biseksual
di komunitas anti gay
di komunitas anti gay
04:53
compared to accepting communities.
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dibandingkan komunitas yang menerima.
04:56
Twelve years reduced life expectancy.
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12 tahun berkurang dari perkiraan masa hidup.
05:01
When I read that in The Advocate
magazine this year,
magazine this year,
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Ketika aku membaca itu di majalah
'The Advocate" tahun ini,
'The Advocate" tahun ini,
05:04
I realized I could no longer
afford to keep silent.
afford to keep silent.
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aku sadar aku tak lagi bisa diam saja.
05:08
The effects of personal stress and
social stigmas are a deadly combination.
social stigmas are a deadly combination.
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Efek gabungan tekanan pribadi dan
pandangan sosial bisa mematikan.
pandangan sosial bisa mematikan.
05:16
The study found that gays
in anti-gay communities
in anti-gay communities
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Penelitian menemukan gay di
komunitas anti gay
komunitas anti gay
05:19
had higher rates of heart disease,
violence and suicide.
violence and suicide.
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punya persentase penyakit hati, kekerasan,
dan bunuh diri yang lebih tinggi.
dan bunuh diri yang lebih tinggi.
05:25
What I once thought
was simply a personal matter
was simply a personal matter
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Apa yang sempat kuanggap
sekadar masalah pribadi
sekadar masalah pribadi
05:29
I realized had a ripple effect
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ternyata berdampak lebih
05:31
that went into the workplace
and out into the community
and out into the community
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hingga ke tempat kerja dan lingkungan
05:33
for every story just like mine.
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untuk setiap cerita
seperti ceritaku.
seperti ceritaku.
05:37
My choice to hide
and not share who I really am
and not share who I really am
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Pilihanku untuk bersembunyi
dan tidak menunjukkan diriku sebenarnya
dan tidak menunjukkan diriku sebenarnya
05:41
may have inadvertently contributed
to this exact same environment
to this exact same environment
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mungkin telah tak sengaja berkontribusi
pada lingkungan seperti ini
pada lingkungan seperti ini
05:45
and atmosphere of discrimination.
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dan suasana diskriminasi.
05:48
I'd always told myself
there's no reason to share that I was gay,
there's no reason to share that I was gay,
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Aku selalu mengatakan pada diriku
tak ada alasan untuk mengatakan aku gay
tak ada alasan untuk mengatakan aku gay
05:53
but the idea that my silence
has social consequences
has social consequences
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tapi pemikiran bahwa kebisuanku
berdampak sosial
berdampak sosial
05:57
was really driven home this year
when I missed an opportunity
when I missed an opportunity
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baru nampak jelas tahun ini
ketika aku kehilangan kesempatan
ketika aku kehilangan kesempatan
06:02
to change the atmosphere of discrimination
in my own home state of Kansas.
in my own home state of Kansas.
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mengubah suasana diskriminasi
di negara bagianku Kansas.
di negara bagianku Kansas.
06:08
In February, the Kansas House of
Representatives brought up a bill for vote
Representatives brought up a bill for vote
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Pada Februari, dewan perwakilan Kansas
memungut suara untuk undang-undang
memungut suara untuk undang-undang
06:13
that would have essentially
allowed businesses
allowed businesses
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yang dapat memperbolehkan usaha
06:16
to use religious freedom as a reason
to deny gays services.
to deny gays services.
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menggunakan alasan keagamaan
untuk menolak layanan untuk gay.
untuk menolak layanan untuk gay.
06:25
A former coworker and friend of mine
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Mantan rekan kerja sekaligus temanku
06:28
has a father who serves
in the Kansas House of Representatives.
in the Kansas House of Representatives.
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mempunyai ayah di dewan perwakilan Kansas.
06:33
He voted in favor of the bill,
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Dia menyetujui undang-undang itu,
06:38
in favor of a law that would allow
businesses to not serve me.
businesses to not serve me.
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menyetujui hukum yang mengizinkan usaha
untuk tidak melayaniku.
untuk tidak melayaniku.
06:46
How does my friend feel
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Bagaimana perasaan temanku
06:48
about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
queer and questioning people?
queer and questioning people?
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terhadap lesbian, gay, transgender, banci,
dan orang yang ragu?
dan orang yang ragu?
06:53
How does her father feel?
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Bagaimana perasaan ayahnya?
06:56
I don't know, because I was never honest
with them about who I am.
with them about who I am.
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Aku tidak tahu, sebab aku tidak pernah
jujur pada mereka tentang aku.
jujur pada mereka tentang aku.
07:02
And that shakes me to the core.
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Itu mengguncangku.
07:05
What if I had told her my story years ago?
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Bagaimana jika aku menceritakan kisahku
bertahun-tahun yang lalu?
bertahun-tahun yang lalu?
07:09
Could she have told
her father my experience?
her father my experience?
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Mungkinkah dia menceritakan
pengalamanku pada ayahnya?
pengalamanku pada ayahnya?
07:11
Could I have ultimately
helped change his vote?
helped change his vote?
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Mungkinkah aku membantu
mengubah suaranya?
mengubah suaranya?
07:16
I will never know,
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Aku takkan pernah tahu,
07:19
and that made me realize
I had done nothing
I had done nothing
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dan itu membuatku sadar
aku tidak berbuat apa-apa
aku tidak berbuat apa-apa
07:23
to try to make a difference.
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untuk mencoba membuat perubahan.
07:27
How ironic that I work
in human resources,
in human resources,
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Betapa ironisnya aku yang bekerja
di sumberdaya manusia,
di sumberdaya manusia,
07:31
a profession that works to welcome,
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profesi yang menyambut,
07:33
connect and encourage
the development of employees,
the development of employees,
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menghubungkan dan mendorong
perkembangan pegawai,
perkembangan pegawai,
07:37
a profession that advocates
that the diversity of society
that the diversity of society
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profesi yang menganjurkan keragaman
di masyarakat
di masyarakat
07:40
should be reflected in the workplace,
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harus terlihat di tempat kerja,
07:43
and yet I have done nothing
to advocate for diversity.
to advocate for diversity.
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tapi aku belum melakukan apapun
untuk menganjurkan keragaman.
untuk menganjurkan keragaman.
07:48
When I came to this company one year ago,
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Ketika aku masuk perusahaan ini
setahun lalu
setahun lalu
07:51
I thought to myself, this company
has anti-discrimination policies
has anti-discrimination policies
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Aku berpikir pada diriku, perusahaan ini
punya peraturan anti diskriminasi
punya peraturan anti diskriminasi
07:56
that protect gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender people.
bisexual and transgender people.
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yang melindungi gay, lesbian, biseksual,
dan transgender.
dan transgender.
08:00
Their commitment to diversity is evident
through their global inclusion programs.
through their global inclusion programs.
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Komitmen mereka pada keragaman terbukti
dari program inklusi internasional mereka.
dari program inklusi internasional mereka.
08:06
When I walk through the doors
of this company, I will finally come out.
of this company, I will finally come out.
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Ketika aku masuk perusahaan ini,
aku akan mengaku.
aku akan mengaku.
08:12
But I didn't.
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Tapi tidak.
08:14
Instead of taking advantage
of the opportunity,
of the opportunity,
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Bukannya mengambil kesempatan ini,
08:18
I did nothing.
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Aku tidak melakukan apa-apa.
08:31
(Applause)
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(tepuk tangan)
08:39
When I was looking through
my London journal and scrapbook
my London journal and scrapbook
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Ketika aku melihat-lihat
jurnal dan buku kliping
jurnal dan buku kliping
08:43
from my London semester
abroad 16 years ago,
abroad 16 years ago,
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dari semesterku di London
16 tahun silam,
16 tahun silam,
08:46
I came across this modified quote
from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise."
from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise."
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Aku menemukan kutipan bebas dari
buku Toni Morrison, 'Paradise'
buku Toni Morrison, 'Paradise'
08:53
"There are more scary things
inside than outside."
inside than outside."
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"Ada hal-hal yang lebih menyeramkan di
dalam daripada di luar."
dalam daripada di luar."
08:57
And then I wrote a note
to myself at the bottom:
to myself at the bottom:
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Dan kemudian aku menuliskan catatan
untuk diriku sendiri di bawah:
untuk diriku sendiri di bawah:
09:01
"Remember this."
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"Ingat ini."
09:03
I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself
to get out and explore London,
to get out and explore London,
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Aku yakin aku mendorong diriku
untuk keluar menjelajahi London,
untuk keluar menjelajahi London,
09:08
but the message I missed was the need
to start exploring and embracing myself.
to start exploring and embracing myself.
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tapi pesan yang kulewatkan adalah perlunya
untuk menjelajah dan menerima diriku.
untuk menjelajah dan menerima diriku.
09:15
What I didn't realize
until all these years later
until all these years later
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Apa yang tidak kusadari
hingga sekarang, bertahun-tahun kemudian
hingga sekarang, bertahun-tahun kemudian
09:19
is that the biggest obstacles
I will ever have to overcome
I will ever have to overcome
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adalah halangan terbesar yang perlu
kuhadapi
kuhadapi
09:24
are my own fears and insecurities.
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adalah ketakutan dan keraguan
pada diriku sendiri.
pada diriku sendiri.
09:28
I believe that by facing my fears inside,
I will be able to change reality outside.
I will be able to change reality outside.
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Aku percaya dengan menghadapi ketakutanku,
aku akan bisa mengubah kenyataan diluar.
aku akan bisa mengubah kenyataan diluar.
09:37
I made a choice today
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Aku membuat pilihan hari ini
09:39
to reveal a part of myself
that I have hidden for too long.
that I have hidden for too long.
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menyingkap bagian diriku
yang sudah kusembunyikan terlalu lama.
yang sudah kusembunyikan terlalu lama.
09:46
I hope that this means
I will never hide again,
I will never hide again,
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Aku harap ini berarti
aku takkan pernah bersembunyi lagi,
aku takkan pernah bersembunyi lagi,
09:50
and I hope that by coming out today,
I can do something to change the data
I can do something to change the data
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dan berharap dengan mengaku hari ini, aku
bisa melakukan sesuatu untuk mengubah data
bisa melakukan sesuatu untuk mengubah data
09:57
and also to help others who feel different
be more themselves and more fulfilled
be more themselves and more fulfilled
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juga membantu orang yang merasa berbeda
lebih menjadi diri sendiri, lebih berhasil
lebih menjadi diri sendiri, lebih berhasil
10:03
in both their professional
and personal lives.
and personal lives.
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dalam kehidupan pribadi dan profesional
mereka.
mereka.
10:08
Thank you.
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Terima kasih.
10:11
(Applause)
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(tepuk tangan)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Morgana Bailey - Human resources professionalA human resources activist, Morgana Bailey wants to see the diversity of society reflected in the workplace, and employees of all walks of life feel comfortable being open about who they are.
Why you should listen
“I am in human resources, a profession that works to welcome, connect and encourage the development of employees,” says Morgana Bailey. At State Street, she directs the Global Human Resources data management team, which maintains data records for the company’s approximately 29,000 employees. Morgana collaborates with people across State Street as corporate policies, regulatory requirements and related employee data requirements continually evolve. Her career experiences have confirmed that the only constant is change, and one’s ability — or inability — to adapt can generate profound long-term outcomes.
At TED@StateStreet, Morgana Bailey revealed a part of herself that she had kept supressed for 16 years. She hopes that her openness will inspire others to stop hiding, and be open about who they are in both their personal and professional lives.
Morgana Bailey | Speaker | TED.com