TED@State Street London
Morgana Bailey: The danger of hiding who you are
莫干娜·百利: 隐藏真实自我的危险
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莫干娜·百利在过去16年中一直隐瞒着真实的自己. 在这次勇敢的演讲中, 她终于说出了对他人而言可能不足挂齿, 却足以让她昏厥的一句话. 为什么要站出来? 因为她发现自己的沉默对于自己内心, 职业生涯以及社交都有着深远的影响. 在她的听众, 也是同事面前, 她回忆了自己害怕被他人评判的经历, 以及如何开始认可自己的评判.
Morgana Bailey - Human resources professional
A human resources activist, Morgana Bailey wants to see the diversity of society reflected in the workplace, and employees of all walks of life feel comfortable being open about who they are. Full bio
A human resources activist, Morgana Bailey wants to see the diversity of society reflected in the workplace, and employees of all walks of life feel comfortable being open about who they are. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
When I was young,
I prided myself as a nonconformist
I prided myself as a nonconformist
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当我年轻的时候
我曾为自己能不墨守成规而感到骄傲
我曾为自己能不墨守成规而感到骄傲
00:17
in the conservative
U.S. state I live in, Kansas.
U.S. state I live in, Kansas.
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那时候我生活在保守的美国堪萨斯州
00:22
I didn't follow along with the crowd.
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我不随大流
00:24
I wasn't afraid to try
weird clothing trends or hairstyles.
weird clothing trends or hairstyles.
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勇敢尝试奇装异服和和怪异发型
直言不讳, 而且勤于社交
00:28
I was outspoken and extremely social.
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00:31
Even these pictures and postcards
of my London semester abroad 16 years ago
of my London semester abroad 16 years ago
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这是大约十六年前我出国在伦敦那学期的图片和明信片
00:38
show that I obviously didn't care
if I was perceived as weird or different.
if I was perceived as weird or different.
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从这些也能看出
我完全不在乎是否会被觉得怪异或另类
我完全不在乎是否会被觉得怪异或另类
00:44
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
00:46
But that same year
I was in London, 16 years ago,
I was in London, 16 years ago,
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但也就是同一年
十六年前在伦敦的那年
十六年前在伦敦的那年
00:51
I realized something about myself
that actually was somewhat unique,
that actually was somewhat unique,
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我意识到自己的确有点特别
00:56
and that changed everything.
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于是一切从此发生了改变
01:01
I became the opposite
of who I thought I once was.
of who I thought I once was.
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我变得与从前的自己判若两人
01:05
I stayed in my room
instead of socializing.
instead of socializing.
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自己待在房间而不再去社交
01:08
I stopped engaging in clubs
and leadership activities.
and leadership activities.
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终止了俱乐部和领导活动
01:12
I didn't want to stand out
in the crowd anymore.
in the crowd anymore.
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不再愿意在人多的时候突出自己
01:16
I told myself it was because
I was growing up and maturing,
I was growing up and maturing,
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我告诉自己那只是因为
自己在长大和成熟
自己在长大和成熟
01:20
not that I was suddenly
looking for acceptance.
looking for acceptance.
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而不是因为突然间开始寻找认同
01:23
I had always assumed I was immune
to needing acceptance.
to needing acceptance.
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我曾经一度假定自己不需要被接纳
01:26
After all, I was a bit unconventional.
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毕竟我是有点不那么传统
01:29
But I realize now
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而现在我明白
01:31
that the moment I realized
something was different about me
something was different about me
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在我意识到自己有点特别的那一刻
01:35
was the exact same moment
that I began conforming and hiding.
that I began conforming and hiding.
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就是我循规蹈矩和隐藏自己的开始
01:41
Hiding is a progressive habit,
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隐藏是一种逐步加强的习惯
01:44
and once you start hiding,
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一旦你开始这样做了
01:45
it becomes harder and harder
to step forward and speak out.
to step forward and speak out.
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重新开始展示真实的自己就会变得越来越难
01:51
In fact, even now,
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事实上， 即使不久前
01:53
when I was talking to people
about what this talk was about,
about what this talk was about,
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在我和别人谈论这次演讲的时候
01:57
I made up a cover story
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我其实也没有说出真实的内容
01:59
and I even hid the truth
about my TED Talk.
about my TED Talk.
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我甚至隐瞒了我TED演讲的真相
02:04
So it is fitting and scary
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我内心真的很害怕
02:09
that I have returned
to this city 16 years later
to this city 16 years later
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十六年后，我回到这个城市
02:13
and I have chosen this stage
to finally stop hiding.
to finally stop hiding.
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选择这个舞台， 不再遮掩
那么， 十六年来我都在隐藏什么？
02:20
What have I been hiding
for 16 years?
for 16 years?
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02:26
I am a lesbian.
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我是一个同性恋
02:29
(Applause)
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(掌声)
02:45
Thank you.
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谢谢
02:48
I've struggled to say those words,
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我挣扎着说出了这些字
02:50
because I didn't want
to be defined by them.
to be defined by them.
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因为我不想被它们所定义
02:53
Every time I would think
about coming out in the past,
about coming out in the past,
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过去 每当我想要出柜
02:56
I would think to myself,
but I just want to be known as Morgana,
but I just want to be known as Morgana,
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我就会暗想，我只想做莫甘娜
（译注：演讲者自己）
（译注：演讲者自己）
03:01
uniquely Morgana,
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那个独一无二的莫甘娜
03:03
but not "my lesbian friend Morgana,"
or "my gay coworker Morgana."
or "my gay coworker Morgana."
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而不是“我的同性恋朋友莫甘娜”
或者”我的同性恋同事莫甘娜"
或者”我的同性恋同事莫甘娜"
03:08
Just Morgana.
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只是莫甘娜就好了
03:10
For those of you from large
metropolitan areas,
metropolitan areas,
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对在座的那些来自大都市的人来说
03:14
this may not seem like a big deal to you.
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这也许没什么
03:16
It may seem strange
that I have suppressed the truth
that I have suppressed the truth
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也许我看起来很奇怪
压抑了这个真相
压抑了这个真相
03:19
and hidden this for so long.
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并且遮掩了如此之久
03:23
But I was paralyzed by my fear
of not being accepted.
of not being accepted.
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可不被接纳真的会让我恐惧到吓瘫
03:28
And I'm not alone, of course.
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当然 不止我一个人这样
03:31
A 2013 Deloitte study found
that a surprisingly large number of people
that a surprisingly large number of people
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2013年德勤的一项研究发现
有惊人数目的人
有惊人数目的人
03:36
hide aspects of their identity.
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在自己的身份方面都有所隐藏
03:39
Of all the employees they surveyed,
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在他们调查的全部雇员中
03:41
61 percent reported changing an aspect
of their behavior or their appearance
of their behavior or their appearance
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61%的人报告为了适应工作
03:47
in order to fit in at work.
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有改变过行为或外表的某个方面
03:49
Of all the gay, lesbian
and bisexual employees,
and bisexual employees,
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在所有的男、女同性恋以及双性恋雇员中
03:54
83 percent admitted to changing
some aspects of themselves
some aspects of themselves
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83%的人承认自己有过某些方面的改变
03:59
so they would not
appear at work "too gay."
appear at work "too gay."
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以使在工作场合不会表现的“过于同性恋”
04:04
The study found that even in companies
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研究发现即使是在
04:07
with diversity policies
and inclusion programs,
and inclusion programs,
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有着多元化政策与兼容并包性计划的公司
04:11
employees struggle
to be themselves at work
to be themselves at work
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雇员们也会为在工作场合做自己而斗争
04:14
because they believe
conformity is critical
conformity is critical
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因为他们相信
04:16
to their long-term career advancement.
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趋同对于长期的职业发展来说至关重要
04:20
And while I was surprised
that so many people just like me
that so many people just like me
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当我惊讶于如此多的人像我一样
04:25
waste so much energy
trying to hide themselves,
trying to hide themselves,
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浪费相当多精力去隐藏自己的同时
04:29
I was scared when I discovered
that my silence
that my silence
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我也感到了恐惧——
当我发现自己的沉默
当我发现自己的沉默
04:33
has life-or-death consequences
and long-term social repercussions.
and long-term social repercussions.
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会造成生死攸关的后果以及长远的社会影响
04:41
Twelve years:
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十二年：
04:43
the length by which
life expectancy is shortened
life expectancy is shortened
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这个数字是那些在强烈反对同性恋社区中
生活的同性恋、双性恋者
生活的同性恋、双性恋者
04:46
for gay, lesbian and bisexual people
in highly anti-gay communities
in highly anti-gay communities
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相对在接纳同性恋社区中
04:53
compared to accepting communities.
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预期寿命的缩减量
04:56
Twelve years reduced life expectancy.
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十二年的寿命缩减——
05:01
When I read that in The Advocate
magazine this year,
magazine this year,
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今年 当我在Advocate杂志上看到这个时
05:04
I realized I could no longer
afford to keep silent.
afford to keep silent.
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我意识到自己不能再继续沉默下去了
05:08
The effects of personal stress and
social stigmas are a deadly combination.
social stigmas are a deadly combination.
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个人压力和社会偏见的效果结合乃是致命的
05:16
The study found that gays
in anti-gay communities
in anti-gay communities
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研究发现
在反同性恋社区中生活的同性恋者
在反同性恋社区中生活的同性恋者
05:19
had higher rates of heart disease,
violence and suicide.
violence and suicide.
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出现心脏病 暴力 自杀的比例会更高
05:25
What I once thought
was simply a personal matter
was simply a personal matter
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我意识到 自己之前以为只是个人事件的
05:29
I realized had a ripple effect
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其实具有涟漪效应
05:31
that went into the workplace
and out into the community
and out into the community
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它们进入工作场合 影响到社区生活
05:33
for every story just like mine.
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就像每一个与我类似的故事那样
05:37
My choice to hide
and not share who I really am
and not share who I really am
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我隐藏真实自己的这一选择
05:41
may have inadvertently contributed
to this exact same environment
to this exact same environment
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也许无意间也助长了那些同样的
05:45
and atmosphere of discrimination.
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带有歧视的环境和氛围
05:48
I'd always told myself
there's no reason to share that I was gay,
there's no reason to share that I was gay,
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我曾一直告诉自己说
我没有理由分享我是同性恋的事实
我没有理由分享我是同性恋的事实
05:53
but the idea that my silence
has social consequences
has social consequences
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沉默的社会效应
05:57
was really driven home this year
when I missed an opportunity
when I missed an opportunity
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这个想法直到今年才闪入我的脑中
06:02
to change the atmosphere of discrimination
in my own home state of Kansas.
in my own home state of Kansas.
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当时 我错过了一个在家乡堪萨斯州
改善歧视氛围的机会
改善歧视氛围的机会
06:08
In February, the Kansas House of
Representatives brought up a bill for vote
Representatives brought up a bill for vote
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二月份 堪萨斯州众议院提出一项法案待表决
06:13
that would have essentially
allowed businesses
allowed businesses
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原则上允许企业以宗教自由为名
06:16
to use religious freedom as a reason
to deny gays services.
to deny gays services.
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拒绝对同性恋者提供服务
06:25
A former coworker and friend of mine
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我之前的一位同事兼朋友的父亲
06:28
has a father who serves
in the Kansas House of Representatives.
in the Kansas House of Representatives.
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在众议院工作
06:33
He voted in favor of the bill,
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他对这项法案投赞成票
06:38
in favor of a law that would allow
businesses to not serve me.
businesses to not serve me.
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支持这个允许企业拒绝对我提供服务的方案
06:46
How does my friend feel
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我的朋友对男、女同性恋、双性者、变性者
06:48
about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
queer and questioning people?
queer and questioning people?
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对这些奇怪的、被质疑的人如何想呢？
06:53
How does her father feel?
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她的父亲又如何觉得呢？
06:56
I don't know, because I was never honest
with them about who I am.
with them about who I am.
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我不知道 因为我从来没有
向他们坦白我是同性恋的事实
向他们坦白我是同性恋的事实
07:02
And that shakes me to the core.
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而这一点动摇了我的内心
07:05
What if I had told her my story years ago?
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如果我许多年前告诉她会怎么样呢
07:09
Could she have told
her father my experience?
her father my experience?
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她会告诉她父亲我的经历么？
07:11
Could I have ultimately
helped change his vote?
helped change his vote?
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我可以最终使得他改变态度么？
07:16
I will never know,
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我不会知道了
07:19
and that made me realize
I had done nothing
I had done nothing
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而这件事让我意识到
07:23
to try to make a difference.
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自己没有为改变做任何努力
07:27
How ironic that I work
in human resources,
in human resources,
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多讽刺啊，我从事人力资源的工作
07:31
a profession that works to welcome,
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一个欢迎、联合并鼓励
07:33
connect and encourage
the development of employees,
the development of employees,
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员工发展的职业
07:37
a profession that advocates
that the diversity of society
that the diversity of society
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一个提倡在工作场合
07:40
should be reflected in the workplace,
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响应社会多元化的职业
07:43
and yet I have done nothing
to advocate for diversity.
to advocate for diversity.
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但是我没有做任何事情去倡导这种多元化
07:48
When I came to this company one year ago,
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一年前当我走进这家公司的时候
07:51
I thought to myself, this company
has anti-discrimination policies
has anti-discrimination policies
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我心里暗想 这家公司有反歧视的政策
07:56
that protect gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender people.
bisexual and transgender people.
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用来保护同性恋者 双性恋者和变性者
08:00
Their commitment to diversity is evident
through their global inclusion programs.
through their global inclusion programs.
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他们对多元文化的承诺已经在
全球的兼容并包性计划中得以应证
全球的兼容并包性计划中得以应证
08:06
When I walk through the doors
of this company, I will finally come out.
of this company, I will finally come out.
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当我走进这家公司大门 我终于可以出柜了
08:12
But I didn't.
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但我没有
08:14
Instead of taking advantage
of the opportunity,
of the opportunity,
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我没有利用这个机会
08:18
I did nothing.
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什么都没有做
08:31
(Applause)
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(掌声)
08:39
When I was looking through
my London journal and scrapbook
my London journal and scrapbook
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当我回味十六年前在伦敦那学期的
08:43
from my London semester
abroad 16 years ago,
abroad 16 years ago,
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伦敦杂志和剪贴簿的时候
08:46
I came across this modified quote
from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise."
from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise."
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偶然发现了一句来自托妮 莫里森的著作“乐园”中的引用
08:53
"There are more scary things
inside than outside."
inside than outside."
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大概是说 “源自我们内心的恐惧远比来自外界的多"
08:57
And then I wrote a note
to myself at the bottom:
to myself at the bottom:
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我在最下面为自己写下了这样的话
09:01
"Remember this."
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“铭记”
09:03
I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself
to get out and explore London,
to get out and explore London,
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我确信当时我是在鼓励自己走出去 探索伦敦
09:08
but the message I missed was the need
to start exploring and embracing myself.
to start exploring and embracing myself.
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但我错过的是开始探寻和拥抱自己的需求
09:15
What I didn't realize
until all these years later
until all these years later
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直到这么多年后我才明白
09:19
is that the biggest obstacles
I will ever have to overcome
I will ever have to overcome
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我需要克服的最大障碍
09:24
are my own fears and insecurities.
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永远是自身的恐惧和不安
09:28
I believe that by facing my fears inside,
I will be able to change reality outside.
I will be able to change reality outside.
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我相信通过正视自己内心的恐惧
我将能够改变外界的现状
我将能够改变外界的现状
09:37
I made a choice today
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今天 我做了选择
09:39
to reveal a part of myself
that I have hidden for too long.
that I have hidden for too long.
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揭示隐藏了许久的那部分自己
09:46
I hope that this means
I will never hide again,
I will never hide again,
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我希望这意味着
我再也不会隐藏
我再也不会隐藏
09:50
and I hope that by coming out today,
I can do something to change the data
I can do something to change the data
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我希望通过今天的出柜
我可以为改变那个数字（12年）做一些事情
我可以为改变那个数字（12年）做一些事情
09:57
and also to help others who feel different
be more themselves and more fulfilled
be more themselves and more fulfilled
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帮助那些感觉到不同的人
在他们的工作和生活中
在他们的工作和生活中
10:03
in both their professional
and personal lives.
and personal lives.
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做得更像他们自己 更为满足
10:08
Thank you.
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谢谢
10:11
(Applause)
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(掌声)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Morgana Bailey - Human resources professionalA human resources activist, Morgana Bailey wants to see the diversity of society reflected in the workplace, and employees of all walks of life feel comfortable being open about who they are.
Why you should listen
“I am in human resources, a profession that works to welcome, connect and encourage the development of employees,” says Morgana Bailey. At State Street, she directs the Global Human Resources data management team, which maintains data records for the company’s approximately 29,000 employees. Morgana collaborates with people across State Street as corporate policies, regulatory requirements and related employee data requirements continually evolve. Her career experiences have confirmed that the only constant is change, and one’s ability — or inability — to adapt can generate profound long-term outcomes.
At TED@StateStreet, Morgana Bailey revealed a part of herself that she had kept supressed for 16 years. She hopes that her openness will inspire others to stop hiding, and be open about who they are in both their personal and professional lives.
Morgana Bailey | Speaker | TED.com