Julie Lythcott-Haims: How to raise successful kids -- without over-parenting
Julie Lythcott-Haims: Bagaimana membesarkan anak yang sukses -- tanpa didikan berlebihan
Julie Lythcott-Haims speaks and writes on the phenomenon of helicopter parenting and the dangers of a checklisted childhood -- the subject of her book, "How to Raise an Adult." Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
to be a parenting expert.
pakar pengasuhan anak.
in parenting, per Se.
pada pengasuhan anak saja.
of parenting these days
tertentu belakangan ini
to develop into theirselves.
untuk bertumbuh menjadi diri mereka.
of parenting these days
mengkhawatirkan
being very concerned
in the lives of their kids
dalam kehidupan anak-anak mereka
going on there as well,
a kid can't be successful
tidak bisa menjadi sukses
and preventing at every turn
dalam setiap langkahnya,
and micromanaging every moment,
mengatur setiap perilaku,
some small subset of colleges and careers.
memilih kuliah dan karir.
dengan cara seperti ini,
membesarkan dua anak remaja saya,
in raising my two teenagers,
a kind of checklisted childhood.
berdasarkan daftar keinginan saya.
childhood looks like.
they go to the right schools,
ke sekolah yang tepat,
at the right schools,
dalam sekolah yang tepat,
yang tepat dalam sekolah yang tepat.
in the right classes in the right schools.
nilainya juga,
but the accolades and the awards
kegiatannya, kepemimpinannya.
the activities, the leadership.
tidak sekedar ikut sebuah klub,
demi masa depannya.
want to see that.
you care about others.
pada orang lain.
hoped-for degree of perfection.
meraih suatu tingkat kesempurnaan.
to perform at a level of perfection
untuk tampil sempurna
to perform at ourselves,
untuk tampil sempurna,
have to argue with every teacher
harus berdebat dengan setiap guru
mendukungnya,
nagging as the case may be,
bernegosiasi, terkadang juga merengek,
to be a kid in this checklisted childhood.
yang masa kecilnya diatur.
no time for free play.
bermain dengan bebas.
has to be enriching, we think.
harus ada unsur belajarnya.
every quiz, every activity
setiap ulangan, setiap kegiatan
for this future we have in mind for them,
yang telah kita rancang untuk mereka,
of helping out around the house,
dari tugas membereskan rumah,
of getting enough sleep
dari tidur yang cukup
the items on their checklist.
rencana kegiatan yang telah kita atur.
we say we just want them to be happy,
katanya kita hanya ingin mereka bahagia,
at the Westminster Dog Show --
di Pertunjukan Anjing Westminster --
and soar a little farther,
dan membumbung lebih jauh,
be interested in studying
mau pilih belajar apa
guru pembimbing,
to get into the right college?"
ke universitas yang tepat?"
start to roll in in high school,
teman-temannya
into the right college with these grades?"
universitas bagus dengan nilai ini?"
at the end of high school,
had said, "What you've done is enough,
berkata, "Yang kaulakukan sudah cukup,
in childhood is enough."
di masa kecilmu sudah cukup."
under high rates of anxiety and depression
kegelisahan dan depresi yang tinggi
to have been worth it?
it's all worth it.
semuanya setimpal.
they will have no future
mereka tak punya masa depan
tiny set of colleges or careers
kampus dan jenjang karir favorit
tak akan bisa dibanggakan
on the backs of our cars.
yang bisa kita tempel di belakang mobil.
kita perbuat
to really look at it,
benar-benar melihatnya
think their worth comes
berpikir harga diri mereka
their precious developing minds
perkembangan pikiran mereka
of the movie "Being John Malkovich,"
film "Being John Malkovich,"
achieve any of this without me."
melakukan semua ini tanpa kami."
and overdirection and hand-holding,
dan dukungan yang berlebihan,
of the chance to build self-efficacy,
untuk membangun keyakinan diri,
of the human psyche,
dari jiwa manusia,
than that self-esteem they get
yang mereka dapatkan
that one's own actions lead to outcomes,
tindakannya mengarahkan hasilnya,
actions on one's behalf,
mengatasnamakan dirinya,
lead to outcomes.
mengarahkan hasilnya.
self-efficacy, and they must,
diri, dan itu memang harus dilakukan,
of the thinking, planning, deciding,
merencanakan, memutuskan,
mencoba dan gagal,
or interest in their lives,
orang tua dalam kehidupannya,
grades and scores and accolades and awards
nilai, pujian, dan penghargaan
admission to a tiny number of colleges
ujian masuk ke segelintir universitas
peluang karir,
of success for our kids.
sempit bagi anak-anak kita.
achieve some short-term wins
meraih keberhasilan kecil,
if we help them do their homework,
mendapatkan nilai tinggi,
childhood résumé when we help --
lebih panjang jika kita membantu --
comes at a long-term cost
membawa kerugian jangka panjang
we should be less concerned
kekhawatiran kita
to apply to or might get into
the habits, the mindset, the skill set,
pola pikir, keterampilan,
wherever they go.
kemana pun mereka melangkah.
less obsessed with grades and scores
dengan nilai dan angka anak-anak kita
a foundation for their success
menyediakan dasar bagi kesuksesan mereka
kasih sayang
Did I just say chores? I really did.
Ya, benar.
of humans ever conducted
yang pernah dilakukan
success in life,
profesional dalam hidup,
comes from having done chores as a kid,
semasa kecil,
and-pitch-in mindset,
sesuaikan diri,
there's some unpleasant work,
ada perkerjaan tak menyenangkan,
it might as well be me,
mungkin itu aku,
to the betterment of the whole,
kemajuan secara keseluruhan,
in the workplace.
menonjol di tempat kerja.
Anda tahu hal ini.
in the checklisted childhood,
dalam daftar tugas masa kecil,
the work of chores around the house,
dari pekerjaan di rumah,
as young adults in the workplace
dan di tempat kerja
lacking the impulse, the instinct
mereka kurang memiliki dorongan, naluri
dan menyesuaikan diri
how can I be useful to my colleagues?
apa yang bisa saya lakukan buat yang lain?
to what my boss might need?
mungkin dibutuhkan atasan saya?
from the Harvard Grant Study
dari Penelitian Harvard Grant
our friends, our family.
kawan-kawan kita, keluarga kita.
our kids how to love,
anak-anak kita bagaimana mengasihi,
if they don't first love themselves,
jika tak mengasihi diri sendiri,
if we can't offer them unconditional love.
jika kita tak memberi cinta tak bersyarat.
with grades and scores
come home from school,
put away our phones,
singkirkan telepon
the joy that fills our faces
sukacita yang tersirat di wajah kita
for the first time in a few hours.
setelah terpisah beberapa saat.
says, "Lunch," like mine did,
"Makan siang," seperti anak saya,
tes matematika,
take an interest in lunch.
pada makan siang.
about lunch today?"
dari makan siang hari ini?"
they matter to us as humans,
chores and love,
tugas di rumah dan cinta
but give me a break.
tapi tunggu dulu.
top scores and grades
skor dan nilai tinggi,
and I'm going to tell you, sort of.
dan mari saya beri tahu Anda.
are asking that of our young adults,
memang melihat itu semua,
rankings racket would have us believe --
yang kita percayai,
of the biggest brand name schools
went to state school,
masuk ke sekolah negeri,
no one has heard of,
yang tak terkenal,
and flunked out.
is in our communities,
dalam komunitas kita,
at a few more colleges,
beberapa universitas lain,
from the equation,
ego kita sendiri,
this truth and then realize,
kebenaran ini,
of those big brand-name schools.
ke salah satu sekolah ternama tersebut.
according to a tyrannical checklist
menjalani daftar dari tirani,
on their own volition,
Sawyer dan Avery.
Sawyer and Avery.
to carefully clip and prune
form of a human
selektif.
to warrant them admission
dengan ribuan anak orang lain --
highly selective colleges.
with thousands of other people's kids --
lingkungan yang sehat,
a nourishing environment,
mencintai orang lain dan menerima cinta
love others and receive love
menjadi apa yang saya inginkan,
pribadi mulia.
what I would have them become,
in becoming their glorious selves.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julie Lythcott-Haims - Academic, authorJulie Lythcott-Haims speaks and writes on the phenomenon of helicopter parenting and the dangers of a checklisted childhood -- the subject of her book, "How to Raise an Adult."
Why you should listen
Julie Lythcott-Haims is the author of the New York Times best-selling book How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success. The book emerged from her decade as Stanford University's Dean of Freshmen, where she was known for her fierce advocacy for young adults and received the university's Lloyd W. Dinkelspiel Award for creating "the" atmosphere that defines the undergraduate experience. She was also known for her fierce critique of the growing trend of parental involvement in the day-to-day lives of college students. Toward the end of her tenure as dean, she began speaking and writing widely on the harm of helicopter parenting. How to Raise an Adult is being published in over two dozen countries and gave rise to her TED Talk and a sequel which will be out in 2018. In the meantime, Lythcott-Haims's memoir on race, Real American, will be out in Fall 2017.
Lythcott-Haims is a graduate of Stanford University, Harvard Law School, and California College of the Arts. She lives in Silicon Valley with her partner of over twenty-five years, their two teenagers and her mother.
Julie Lythcott-Haims | Speaker | TED.com