Mandy Len Catron: Falling in love is the easy part
ماندي لين كاترن: الوقوع في الحب هو أسهل جزء
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
in January of this year.
في يناير من هذا العام.
is about a psychological study
in the laboratory,
بالمختبر،
trying the study myself
دراسة نفسي
36 increasingly personal questions
36 سؤالا على بعضهم البعض
having gained any one quality or ability,
قدرة جديدة،
in front of another person?
get more personal as they go along.
what you like about them;
to someone you just met.
a few years earlier,
قبل بضع سنوات،
that two of the participants
to the ceremony.
manufacturing romantic love,
تصنيع الحب الرومانسي،
to try this study myself,
لتجربة هذه الدراسة بنفسي،
but not particularly well,
so I sent it to the Modern Love column
فأرسلتها إلى قسم الحب العصري
are probably wondering,
you might be wondering this
for the past seven months.
السبع الماضية.
what I want to talk about today.
on a book about love stories
حول قصص الحب
about my own experiences
حول تجاربي الخاصة
a couple hundred views at the most,
بالمتابعة من قبل مئات الأشخاص،
just my Facebook friends,
على موقع الفايسبوك،
in the New York Times
بصحيفة نيويورك تايمز
to the traffic on my blog.
and Good Morning America had called.
برنامج اليوم" و "صباح الخيرأمريكا"
would receive over 8 million views,
بمتابعة 8 مليون شخص،
the confidence to write honestly
has made international news --
أصبحت في الأخبار العالمية --
that people across the world
أنحاء العالم
in the status of your new relationship.
which they did every day for weeks,
وهو ما قاموا به كل يوم،
popped up immediately.
shouted up to the stage,
بالصراخ على المسرح،
is part of the deal.
in an international newspaper,
to feel comfortable asking about it.
للسؤال عن ذلك.
for the scope of the response.
to have taken on a life of their own.
يعد بالإمكان التحكم بهم.
published a follow-up article
مقالا للمتابعة
of trying the study themselves,
لهذه الدراسة بأنفسهم،
in the face of all of this attention
هذا الإهتمام
of my own relationship.
علاقتي الخاصة.
for the two of us
for photos of the two us.
for the process of falling in love,
feel qualified for.
if the study worked,
ما إذا كانت العملية ناجحة،
of producing love that would last,
إنتاج حبّ دائم،
sustainable love.
حب مستمر.
I didn't feel capable of answering.
بقدرتي على الإجابة عليه.
was only a few months old,
the wrong question in the first place.
في الوهلة الأولى.
we were still together really tell them?
ما نزال معا بالنسبة لهم؟
of doing these 36 questions
36 سؤالا
about these questions
was not to produce romantic love.
خلق حب رومانسي.
among college students,
personalistic self-disclosure."
و شخصي "
did feel closer after doing it,
من بعضهم البعض بعد تجربة هذا،
used Aron's fast friends protocol
بروتوكول آرون
trust and intimacy between strangers.
بين الغرباء.
of the police and members of community,
of opposing political ideologies.
سياسية مختلفة.
الصيف الماضي،
with four minutes of eye contact,
مصحوبة بأربعة دقائق من تبادل النظرات،
كنت ألقي مُحادثة
and it didn't work."
ولكنها لم تنجح."
with the person you did it with?" I asked.
قمت معه بالتجربة؟" سألته.
better friends?" I asked.
know each other after doing the study?"
البعض بعد تجربة الدراسة؟"
he was looking for.
التي كان في انتظارها.
that any of us are looking for
التي ينتظرها أي منا
a really difficult breakup.
since I was 20,
أن كان عمري 20 سنة،
I could make a life without him.
عن كيفية العيش بدونه.
about the science of romantic love,
ما يتعلق بعلم الحب الرومنسي،
somehow inoculate me from heartache.
this at the time --
for this book I was writing --
لكي أكتب كتابي --
إلى أحداث الماضي.
with the knowledge of romantic love,
as terrible and lonely as I did then.
معي آنذاك.
has been useful in some ways.
مفيدة بعدة طرق.
I am more relaxed.
أكثر استرخاءً.
about asking for what I want.
is sometimes more
ما أريده في بعض الأحيان
مضمونا،
by the person I love indefinitely.
أجل غير مسمّى.
if we were still together.
معرفة ما إذا كنا نزال معا.
about the 36 questions
حول 36 سؤالا
a shortcut to falling in love.
للوقوع في الحب.
mitigate some of the risk involved,
المخاطر التي تنطوي عليها،
do provide a mechanism
that most of us really want from love:
من الحب:
the short version of the story.
النسخة القصيرة من القصة.
"Are you still together?"
"هل مازلتم مع بعضكم البعض؟"
some more difficult questions,
when things get difficult,
when to just cut and run?
into every relationship,
the answers to these questions,
كلّ هذه الأسئلة،
at having a more thoughtful conversation
لمحادثة أكثر عمقا
of my relationship is this:
هي التالية:
and I did a study
بدراسة
the same thing as staying in love.
مختلف تماما.
"Love didn't happen to us.
"الحب لا يحدث لنا.
made the choice to be."
when I read that now,
عندما أقرأ ذلك الآن،
I really hadn't considered
لم آخذ في عين الإعتبار
in that choice.
we would each have to make that choice,
سنقوم فيها بذلك الاختيار،
to have to make that choice
بذلك الإختيار
he will always choose me.
في كلّ مرّة أو لا.
and answered 36 questions,
على 36 سؤالا كافيا،
so generous and kind and fun
وشغف ومرح كافيا
in the biggest newspaper in America.
بأمريكا.
is turn my relationship
هو تحويل علاقتي
I don't quite believe in.
التي لا أؤمن بها جدا.
I will spend my life wanting,
كاملة وأنا أريده،
implied by the title to my article,
"نهاية سعيدة"،
that I didn't actually write.
to make the choice to love someone,
هو فرصة اختيار أن تحب أحدهم،
to love me back,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Mandy Len Catron - WriterMandy Len Catron explores love stories.
Why you should listen
Originally from Appalachian Virginia, Mandy Len Catron is a writer living and working in Vancouver, British Columbia. Her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone, is available for preorder on Amazon. Catron's writing has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Walrus, as well as literary journals and anthologies. She writes about love and love stories at The Love Story Project and teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Her article "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This" was one of the most popular articles published by the New York Times in 2015.
Mandy Len Catron | Speaker | TED.com