TEDxChapmanU
Mandy Len Catron: Falling in love is the easy part
曼迪·伦·卡特伦: 相爱容易相守难
Filmed:
Readability: 3.5
3,963,490 views
你知道吗，问任何人36个问题，你就会爱上他（她）。曼迪·伦·卡特伦尝试了这个实验，真的见效了，她还就此写了一篇热文（没准你母亲都给你转发过）。但是，这是真爱吗？这样的关系能不能维持下去呢？相爱和相守到底有何不同？
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I published this article
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今年1月份
00:14
in the New York Times Modern Love column
in January of this year.
in January of this year.
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我将这篇文章发表在
《纽约时报》“现代爱情”专栏。
《纽约时报》“现代爱情”专栏。
《想爱上某人，你要这么做》
00:18
"To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This."
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这篇文章讲的是一项心理学研究，
00:21
And the article
is about a psychological study
is about a psychological study
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00:23
designed to create romantic love
in the laboratory,
in the laboratory,
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如何在实验室创造出浪漫的爱情，
我自己在去年一个夏夜
00:26
and my own experience
trying the study myself
trying the study myself
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也完成了这项试验。
00:29
one night last summer.
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过程很简单：
00:31
So the procedure is fairly simple:
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两个陌生人轮流问对方
36个问题，问题越来越私人化，
36个问题，问题越来越私人化，
00:34
two strangers take turns asking each other
36 increasingly personal questions
36 increasingly personal questions
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然后四目相对，
00:41
and then they stare into each other's eyes
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一言不发地对视4分钟。
00:44
without speaking for four minutes.
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00:47
So here are a couple of sample questions.
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我选出了其中几个问题。
问题12:如果你明早醒来
能获得一项品质或能力，
能获得一项品质或能力，
00:50
Number 12: If you could wake up tomorrow
having gained any one quality or ability,
having gained any one quality or ability,
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你希望是什么？
00:56
what would it be?
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00:58
Number 28: When did you last cry
in front of another person?
in front of another person?
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问题28:你上一次当着
别人的面哭是什么时候？
别人的面哭是什么时候？
（上一次）独自哭泣呢？
01:02
By yourself?
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如大家所见，
这些问题的确越来越私人化。
这些问题的确越来越私人化。
01:04
As you can see, they really do
get more personal as they go along.
get more personal as they go along.
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问题30，我很喜欢这一个：
01:08
Number 30, I really like this one:
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告诉对面的人，你喜欢他（她）什么，
01:10
Tell your partner
what you like about them;
what you like about them;
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要非常诚实，
01:13
be very honest this time,
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说一些你也许不会对
初次见面的人说的话。
初次见面的人说的话。
01:15
saying things you might not say
to someone you just met.
to someone you just met.
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01:20
So when I first came across this study
a few years earlier,
a few years earlier,
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因此当我几年前偶然听说
这个实验的时候，
这个实验的时候，
有一个细节真的打动了我，
01:25
one detail really stuck out to me,
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我听到传言，说有两个参加实验的人
01:27
and that was the rumor
that two of the participants
that two of the participants
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在半年后结婚了，
01:30
had gotten married six months later,
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他俩邀请了整个实验团队去参加婚礼。
01:33
and they'd invited the entire lab
to the ceremony.
to the ceremony.
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当然，我非常怀疑
01:37
So I was of course very skeptical
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这种完全人造的浪漫爱情，
01:40
about this process of just
manufacturing romantic love,
manufacturing romantic love,
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但同时我也很好奇。
01:43
but of course I was intrigued.
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当我自己也有机会去完成这个实验时
01:46
And when I got the chance
to try this study myself,
to try this study myself,
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——和一个我认识但不是很熟的人——
01:50
with someone I knew
but not particularly well,
but not particularly well,
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我完全没想到我们会陷入爱河。
01:53
I wasn't expecting to fall in love.
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但是我们真的陷进去了，而且——
01:56
But then we did, and --
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（笑声）
01:59
(Laughter)
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我认为这是一个精彩的故事，
所以几个月后，我将它发给了
所以几个月后，我将它发给了
02:01
And I thought it made a good story,
so I sent it to the Modern Love column
so I sent it to the Modern Love column
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“现代爱情”专栏。
02:05
a few months later.
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今年一月，文章发表了，
02:07
Now, this was published in January,
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02:11
and now it is August,
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现在是八月份，
所以我想你们中间肯定有人在想，
02:13
so I'm guessing that some of you
are probably wondering,
are probably wondering,
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我俩是不是还在一起？
02:17
are we still together?
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我之所以知道你们想问，
02:19
And the reason I think
you might be wondering this
you might be wondering this
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是因为过去七个月里，
02:22
is because I have been asked this question
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我已经被问了无数次。
02:24
again and again and again
for the past seven months.
for the past seven months.
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我今天真的想回答这个问题。
02:28
And this question is really
what I want to talk about today.
what I want to talk about today.
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但是让我们先说说别的。
02:32
But let's come back to it.
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（笑声）
02:33
(Laughter)
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在文章发表前一周，
02:36
So the week before the article came out,
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我非常紧张。
02:38
I was very nervous.
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我一直在写一本关于爱情的书，
02:41
I had been working
on a book about love stories
on a book about love stories
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已经好几年了，
02:44
for the past few years,
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我已经习惯于在我的博客上
02:46
so I had gotten used to writing
about my own experiences
about my own experiences
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分享我自己的爱情经历。
02:48
with romantic love on my blog.
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然而博客可能最多只有几百人在看，
02:51
But a blog post might get
a couple hundred views at the most,
a couple hundred views at the most,
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而且大多数是我“脸书”上的好友，
02:56
and those were usually
just my Facebook friends,
just my Facebook friends,
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而我发表到《纽约时报》上的文章，
02:59
and I figured my article
in the New York Times
in the New York Times
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可能会有几千人看。
03:02
would probably get a few thousand views.
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03:06
And that felt like a lot of attention
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对一段刚刚确定的关系而言，
关注的人有点太多了
（不是件好事儿）。
（不是件好事儿）。
03:08
on a relatively new relationship.
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03:12
But as it turned out, I had no idea.
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但对随之而来的事情，我毫无准备。
03:16
So the article was published online
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这篇文章上线
是在一个周五的晚上，
03:18
on a Friday evening,
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到周六的时候，我的博客访问量
（暴涨）成了这个样子。
（暴涨）成了这个样子。
03:20
and by Saturday, this had happened
to the traffic on my blog.
to the traffic on my blog.
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到周日的时候， 《今日秀》和《早安美国》
都给我打电话了。
都给我打电话了。
03:26
And by Sunday, both the Today Show
and Good Morning America had called.
and Good Morning America had called.
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03:32
Within a month, the article
would receive over 8 million views,
would receive over 8 million views,
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一个月之内，这篇文章
被点击超过800万次，
被点击超过800万次，
所以，对我而言，
03:37
and I was, to say the least,
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我对如此高的关注度毫无准备。
03:39
underprepared for this sort of attention.
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鼓起勇气，如实写出
03:43
It's one thing to work up
the confidence to write honestly
the confidence to write honestly
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自己的恋爱经历是一回事；
03:46
about your experiences with love,
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而发现自己的爱情故事
03:48
but it is another thing to discover
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成为国际新闻就是另一回事了。
03:51
that your love life
has made international news --
has made international news --
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（笑声）
03:54
(Laughter)
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更别说全世界人民
03:55
and to realize
that people across the world
that people across the world
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都在关注你的新恋情进展了。
03:59
are genuinely invested
in the status of your new relationship.
in the status of your new relationship.
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（笑声）
04:04
(Laughter)
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人们每天给我打电话，发邮件，
持续了好几周，
持续了好几周，
04:06
And when people called or emailed,
which they did every day for weeks,
which they did every day for weeks,
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他们都会问同样的问题：
04:11
they always asked the same question first:
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你们还在一起吗？
04:14
are you guys still together?
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实际上，在我准备这次演讲时，
04:17
In fact, as I was preparing this talk,
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我在收件箱里搜索句子，
04:19
I did a quick search of my email inbox
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“你们还在一起吗？”
04:21
for the phrase "Are you still together?"
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蹦出来好多结果。
04:23
and several messages
popped up immediately.
popped up immediately.
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问的人有学生，有记者，
04:26
They were from students and journalists
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还有善意的陌生人，就像这一位。
04:29
and friendly strangers like this one.
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我参加电台访谈节目，他们也会问我。
04:32
I did radio interviews and they asked.
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甚至有一次我在做演讲，
有一位女士大叫着跑上台，
有一位女士大叫着跑上台，
04:34
I even gave a talk, and one woman
shouted up to the stage,
shouted up to the stage,
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“嘿，曼迪，你的男朋友呢？”
04:38
"Hey Mandy, where's your boyfriend?"
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我立刻就脸红了。
04:42
And I promptly turned bright red.
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我能理解他们的反应。
04:45
I understand that this
is part of the deal.
is part of the deal.
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既然你在一家国际性的报纸上
写出自己的爱情故事，
写出自己的爱情故事，
04:48
If you write about your relationship
in an international newspaper,
in an international newspaper,
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你就应该预料到
大家会毫无顾忌地问这问那。
大家会毫无顾忌地问这问那。
04:51
you should expect people
to feel comfortable asking about it.
to feel comfortable asking about it.
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但我只是没想到反响会如此之大。
04:55
But I just wasn't prepared
for the scope of the response.
for the scope of the response.
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这36个问题仿佛有了自己的生命力。
05:00
The 36 questions seem
to have taken on a life of their own.
to have taken on a life of their own.
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实际上，《纽约时报》为情人节又发表了
05:04
In fact, the New York Times
published a follow-up article
published a follow-up article
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一篇后续文章，
05:07
for Valentine's Day,
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讲的是读者们自己进行实验的经历，
05:09
which featured readers' experiences
of trying the study themselves,
of trying the study themselves,
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他们的成功率各不相同。
05:13
with varying degrees of success.
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05:16
So my first impulse
in the face of all of this attention
in the face of all of this attention
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所以面对如此多的关注，
我的第一反应
我的第一反应
就是要保护我的恋爱关系。
05:21
was to become very protective
of my own relationship.
of my own relationship.
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05:25
I said no to every request
for the two of us
for the two of us
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对于所有要我俩共同接受采访的媒体，
我都拒绝了。
05:28
to do a media appearance together.
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我不接受电视采访，
05:31
I turned down TV interviews,
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我拒绝提供两人的合照。
05:33
and I said no to every request
for photos of the two us.
for photos of the two us.
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我觉得我是害怕被贴上
05:37
I think I was afraid that we would become
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对待爱情太过随意的标签，
05:39
inadvertent icons
for the process of falling in love,
for the process of falling in love,
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我接受不了这种评价。
05:43
a position I did not at all
feel qualified for.
feel qualified for.
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05:48
And I get it:
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我明白：
人们不光想知道这实验有没有效，
05:51
people didn't just want to know
if the study worked,
if the study worked,
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他们还想知道这实验会不会真的成功：
05:54
they wanted to know if it really worked:
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也就是说，刻意制造出来的
爱情能否持久，
爱情能否持久，
05:57
that is, if it was capable
of producing love that would last,
of producing love that would last,
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不是昙花一现，而是能持续下去的真爱。
06:01
not just a fling, but real love,
sustainable love.
sustainable love.
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但这个问题我没办法回答。
06:07
But this was a question
I didn't feel capable of answering.
I didn't feel capable of answering.
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因为我的感情也才开始几个月而已，
06:11
My own relationship
was only a few months old,
was only a few months old,
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而且我觉得这个问题问得不对。
06:13
and I felt like people were asking
the wrong question in the first place.
the wrong question in the first place.
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06:20
What would knowing whether or not
we were still together really tell them?
we were still together really tell them?
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知道我俩是否在一起
能起什么作用呢？
能起什么作用呢？
如果我们分手了，
06:24
If the answer was no,
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是不是意味着做这36道题
06:25
would it make the experience
of doing these 36 questions
of doing these 36 questions
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就没什么意义了呢？
06:29
any less worthwhile?
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06:32
Dr. Arthur Aron first wrote
about these questions
about these questions
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这些问题最初是亚瑟·阿伦博士
在1997年的这项研究中设计出来的，
06:35
in this study here in 1997,
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当时，研究者的目的
并不是要制造爱情。
并不是要制造爱情。
06:40
and here, the researcher's goal
was not to produce romantic love.
was not to produce romantic love.
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而是想增进
06:44
Instead, they wanted to foster
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大学生之间的人际关系，
06:46
interpersonal closeness
among college students,
among college students,
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通过阿伦所谓的
06:50
by using what Aron called
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“持续的、不断深入的、
双向的、自我人格剖析”。
双向的、自我人格剖析”。
06:52
"sustained, escalating, reciprocal,
personalistic self-disclosure."
personalistic self-disclosure."
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听起来真是浪漫啊，不是吗？
06:57
Sounds romantic, doesn't it?
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07:01
But the study did work.
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但这项研究确实有效。
参与者确实感觉比实验前更亲密了，
07:03
The participants
did feel closer after doing it,
did feel closer after doing it,
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随后的几项研究同样使用了
阿伦的快速交友模式，
阿伦的快速交友模式，
07:06
and several subsequent studies have also
used Aron's fast friends protocol
used Aron's fast friends protocol
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以此来在陌生人之间
迅速地建立信任，消除隔阂。
迅速地建立信任，消除隔阂。
07:11
as a way to quickly create
trust and intimacy between strangers.
trust and intimacy between strangers.
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他们将这种方法
用在警察和社区成员之间，
用在警察和社区成员之间，
07:15
They've used it between members
of the police and members of community,
of the police and members of community,
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用在持不同政见的人群之间。
07:19
and they've used it between people
of opposing political ideologies.
of opposing political ideologies.
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07:23
The original version of the story,
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这个故事的初始版本，
也就是我去年夏天完成的，
07:25
the one that I tried last summer,
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将私人问题和4分钟眼神交流
结合在一起，
结合在一起，
07:28
that pairs the personal questions
with four minutes of eye contact,
with four minutes of eye contact,
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在这篇文章里也提到了，
07:32
was referenced in this article,
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但不幸的是这篇文章从未被发表。
07:34
but unfortunately it was never published.
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07:38
So a few months ago, I was giving a talk
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几个月前，我在一所小型文理学院
做演讲，
07:41
at a small liberal arts college,
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演讲结束后，一名男生过来找我，
07:44
and a student came up to me afterwards
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他怯生生地说，
07:46
and he said, kind of shyly,
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07:49
"So, I tried your study,
and it didn't work."
and it didn't work."
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“嗯，我试过你的方法了，但是不管用。”
他看起来很迷茫的样子。
07:54
He seemed a little mystified by this.
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“你的意思是，你没有爱上
跟你一起做实验的那个人？”我问。
跟你一起做实验的那个人？”我问。
07:57
"You mean, you didn't fall in love
with the person you did it with?" I asked.
with the person you did it with?" I asked.
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“也许……”他停顿了一下。
08:02
"Well..." He paused.
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“我觉得她只想与我做朋友。”
08:04
"I think she just wants to be friends."
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08:09
"But did you become
better friends?" I asked.
better friends?" I asked.
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“但你们的关系是不是
比以前更好了？”我又问。
比以前更好了？”我又问。
“你有没有觉得实验之后，
你俩对彼此的了解都有所加深？”
你俩对彼此的了解都有所加深？”
08:13
"Did you feel like you got to really
know each other after doing the study?"
know each other after doing the study?"
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他点了点头。
08:16
He nodded.
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“那么，这个实验就是管用的。”我说
08:18
"So, then it worked," I said.
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我知道这不是他想得到的答案。
08:21
I don't think this is the answer
he was looking for.
he was looking for.
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事实上，我认为这不是任何人
想要得到的答案，
想要得到的答案，
08:25
In fact, I don't think this is the answer
that any of us are looking for
that any of us are looking for
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尤其是他们在寻找爱情的时候。
08:29
when it comes to love.
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我第一次完成这个实验的时候
08:32
I first came across this study
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是29岁，
08:33
when I was 29
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当时我正在经历一场非常痛苦的分手。
08:35
and I was going through
a really difficult breakup.
a really difficult breakup.
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这段感情是从我20岁时开始的，
08:38
I had been in the relationship
since I was 20,
since I was 20,
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几乎贯穿了我成年后的所有岁月，
08:41
which was basically my entire adult life,
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他是我第一个真正爱的人，
08:44
and he was my first real love,
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我无法想象没有他的人生会是怎样。
08:46
and I had no idea how or if
I could make a life without him.
I could make a life without him.
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于是我求助于科学。
08:51
So I turned to science.
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我研究了所有我能找到的
关于爱情的科学资料，
关于爱情的科学资料，
08:53
I researched everything I could find
about the science of romantic love,
about the science of romantic love,
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我觉得我当时是想以此来疗伤。
08:58
and I think I was hoping that it might
somehow inoculate me from heartache.
somehow inoculate me from heartache.
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我不知道当时我有没有
意识到这一点——
意识到这一点——
09:03
I don't know if I realized
this at the time --
this at the time --
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09:07
I thought I was just doing research
for this book I was writing --
for this book I was writing --
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我认为自己只是在为写的书做研究——
但事后回想，当时确实是想借此疗伤。
09:10
but it seems really obvious in retrospect.
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我当时希望用爱情的知识武装自己，
09:13
I hoped that if I armed myself
with the knowledge of romantic love,
with the knowledge of romantic love,
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也许失恋带来的伤害和孤独感
就不会那么强烈。
就不会那么强烈。
09:18
I might never have to feel
as terrible and lonely as I did then.
as terrible and lonely as I did then.
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09:24
And all this knowledge
has been useful in some ways.
has been useful in some ways.
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这些知识最后都或多或少发挥了作用，
我对爱情更加有耐心。
我变得不那么执着。
我变得不那么执着。
09:28
I am more patient with love.
I am more relaxed.
I am more relaxed.
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我也更加有自信去追求自己想要的。
09:31
I am more confident
about asking for what I want.
about asking for what I want.
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但同时我也能更加清晰地认识自己，
09:35
But I can also see myself more clearly,
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我发现我想要的很多，
09:39
and I can see that what I want
is sometimes more
is sometimes more
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有时候甚至是一些只能意会的东西。
09:43
than can reasonably be asked for.
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我希望爱情是一种保障，
09:46
What I want from love is a guarantee,
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并不仅仅是今天被爱，
09:50
not just that I am loved today
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或者明天被爱，
09:52
and that I will be loved tomorrow,
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而是被我爱的这个人永远地爱下去。
09:54
but that I will continue to be loved
by the person I love indefinitely.
by the person I love indefinitely.
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10:01
Maybe it's this possibility of a guarantee
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也许大家关心我俩是不是还在一起
真正的原因在于
10:04
that people were really asking about
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大家都想看看
这种保障是否真的存在。
这种保障是否真的存在。
10:06
when they wanted to know
if we were still together.
if we were still together.
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10:10
So the story that the media told
about the 36 questions
about the 36 questions
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因此媒体对这36道题的故事
感兴趣的真正原因
感兴趣的真正原因
在于大家好奇：爱情是否存在捷径。
10:14
was that there might be
a shortcut to falling in love.
a shortcut to falling in love.
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也许存在某种方法，
可以降低爱情的风险，
可以降低爱情的风险，
10:18
There might be a way to somehow
mitigate some of the risk involved,
mitigate some of the risk involved,
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而这个实验本身，
也非常吸引人，
也非常吸引人，
10:21
and this is a very appealing story,
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因为爱上某人的感觉非常奇妙，
10:24
because falling in love feels amazing,
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但同时也让人感到害怕。
10:27
but it's also terrifying.
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当你承认爱上某人的那一刻起，
10:30
The moment you admit to loving someone,
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也就意味着你要放弃很多东西，
10:33
you admit to having a lot to lose,
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10:36
and it's true that these questions
do provide a mechanism
do provide a mechanism
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但这些问题的确提供了一种
快速了解一个人的途径，
10:40
for getting to know someone quickly,
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同时也提供了你被人了解的途径，
10:43
which is also a mechanism for being known,
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我想，我们大多数人
都希望从爱情中获得以下东西：
都希望从爱情中获得以下东西：
10:45
and I think this is the thing
that most of us really want from love:
that most of us really want from love:
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被了解，被关注，被理解。
10:50
to be known, to be seen, to be understood.
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10:55
But I think when it comes to love,
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但我也认为，当谈到爱情时，
我们有时太过简单粗暴，
10:57
we are too willing to accept
the short version of the story.
the short version of the story.
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简单到只想问“你们是否还在一起？”，
11:01
The version of the story that asks,
"Are you still together?"
"Are you still together?"
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而这个问题只用是和否就可以回答。
11:05
and is content with a yes or no answer.
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11:09
So rather than that question,
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因此相对这个问题，
我建议大家问一些更深的问题，
11:11
I would propose we ask
some more difficult questions,
some more difficult questions,
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比如：
11:15
questions like:
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11:17
How do you decide who deserves your love
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你如何确定谁值得你爱？
谁不值得？
11:20
and who does not?
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11:22
How do you stay in love
when things get difficult,
when things get difficult,
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当遇到困难时你如何维系爱情，
你如何判断何时该分手，
各走各的路？
各走各的路？
11:26
and how do you know
when to just cut and run?
when to just cut and run?
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11:29
How do you live with the doubt
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你如何处理
每段感情都可能出现的信任问题，
11:31
that inevitably creeps
into every relationship,
into every relationship,
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甚至比这更难一点，
11:34
or even harder,
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你如何处理伴侣的不信任？
11:36
how do you live with your partner's doubt?
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11:39
I don't necessarily know
the answers to these questions,
the answers to these questions,
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我不一定知道这些问题的答案，
但我认为，我们以
更加成熟的方式来讨论爱情
更加成熟的方式来讨论爱情
11:43
but I think they're an important start
at having a more thoughtful conversation
at having a more thoughtful conversation
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会是一个不错的开始。
11:48
about what it means to love someone.
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11:52
So, if you want it,
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当然，如果你们坚持想要知道
我的爱情故事缩略版，
我满足你们：
我满足你们：
11:54
the short version of the story
of my relationship is this:
of my relationship is this:
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一年前，我和一个熟人进行了一次实验，
11:58
a year ago, an acquaintance
and I did a study
and I did a study
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看爱情能否被制造出来，
12:01
designed to create romantic love,
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结果我们相爱了，
12:04
and we fell in love,
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现在也没有分开，
12:06
and we are still together,
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我非常开心。
12:08
and I am so glad.
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12:11
But falling in love is not
the same thing as staying in love.
the same thing as staying in love.
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但坠入爱河与维持爱情是两回事。
12:16
Falling in love is the easy part.
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相爱容易相守难。
12:20
So at the end of my article, I wrote,
"Love didn't happen to us.
"Love didn't happen to us.
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所以在文章结尾，我写到，
“爱情不是从天而降的。
“爱情不是从天而降的。
我们相爱是因为我们选择了相爱。”
12:24
We're in love because we each
made the choice to be."
made the choice to be."
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再读这句话时，我有点不好意思，
12:28
And I cringe a little
when I read that now,
when I read that now,
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不是因为这句话不对，
12:32
not because it isn't true,
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而是当时，
我对选择相爱意味着什么，
我对选择相爱意味着什么，
12:34
but because at the time,
I really hadn't considered
I really hadn't considered
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并没有考虑得那么周全。
12:37
everything that was contained
in that choice.
in that choice.
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我没有考虑，有多少次
我们本应该下定决心相爱，
我们本应该下定决心相爱，
12:41
I didn't consider how many times
we would each have to make that choice,
we would each have to make that choice,
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以及在不知道对方
是否选择我的前提下，
是否选择我的前提下，
12:46
and how many times I will continue
to have to make that choice
to have to make that choice
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未来我还需要下多少次决心。
12:50
without knowing whether or not
he will always choose me.
he will always choose me.
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我希望通过36个问题的问和答，
12:54
I want it to be enough to have asked
and answered 36 questions,
and answered 36 questions,
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通过选择一个如此慷慨、
善良、风趣的人相爱，
善良、风趣的人相爱，
12:59
and to have chosen to love someone
so generous and kind and fun
so generous and kind and fun
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通过将我的选择在全美最大的报纸上曝光，
已经足够我认定这个选择了。
已经足够我认定这个选择了。
13:04
and to have broadcast that choice
in the biggest newspaper in America.
in the biggest newspaper in America.
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13:10
But what I have done instead
is turn my relationship
is turn my relationship
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然而我所做的却是将我的爱情
变成了一个
我自己都不怎么相信的神话故事。
我自己都不怎么相信的神话故事。
13:14
into the kind of myth
I don't quite believe in.
I don't quite believe in.
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我现在追求的，
也许我一辈子都会去追求的，
也许我一辈子都会去追求的，
13:18
And what I want, what perhaps
I will spend my life wanting,
I will spend my life wanting,
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就是让这个神话成真。
13:22
is for that myth to be true.
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我希望一个幸福的结局，
就像我文章标题所暗示的，
就像我文章标题所暗示的，
13:25
I want the happy ending
implied by the title to my article,
implied by the title to my article,
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顺便说一句，
13:30
which is, incidentally,
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整篇文章只有那个标题不是我写的。
13:31
the only part of the article
that I didn't actually write.
that I didn't actually write.
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（笑声）
13:35
(Laughter)
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但是我有机会去选择我爱的人，
13:38
But what I have instead is the chance
to make the choice to love someone,
to make the choice to love someone,
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也希望他能爱我，
13:43
and the hope that he will choose
to love me back,
to love me back,
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这事儿挺让人害怕的，
13:46
and it is terrifying,
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但这就是爱情。
13:49
but that's the deal with love.
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谢谢大家。
13:51
Thank you.
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Mandy Len Catron - WriterMandy Len Catron explores love stories.
Why you should listen
Originally from Appalachian Virginia, Mandy Len Catron is a writer living and working in Vancouver, British Columbia. Her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone, is available for preorder on Amazon. Catron's writing has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Walrus, as well as literary journals and anthologies. She writes about love and love stories at The Love Story Project and teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Her article "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This" was one of the most popular articles published by the New York Times in 2015.
Mandy Len Catron | Speaker | TED.com