Mandy Len Catron: Falling in love is the easy part
مندی لن کاترون: عاشق شدن قسمت آسان است
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
in January of this year.
is about a psychological study
in the laboratory,
trying the study myself
36 increasingly personal questions
که بطور فزاینده ای شخصیتر میشد
having gained any one quality or ability,
و هر توانایی یا خصوصیتی را که میخواستی داشتی
in front of another person?
دیگری گریه کردی کی بود؟
get more personal as they go along.
شخصیتر میشوند.
what you like about them;
to someone you just met.
که تازه او را ملاقات کردید نمی گویی.
a few years earlier,
اولین بار این مطالعه را شروع کردم،
that two of the participants
to the ceremony.
مطالعه برای مراسم دعوت کرده بودند.
manufacturing romantic love,
to try this study myself,
که این مطالعه بر روی خودم انجام دهم،
but not particularly well,
ولی نه خیلی خوب،
so I sent it to the Modern Love column
بنابراین چند ماه بعد
are probably wondering,
you might be wondering this
که شما دردنبال این هستید
for the past seven months.
گذشته از من پرسیده شده است.
what I want to talk about today.
درباره آن امروز صحبت کنم.
on a book about love stories
about my own experiences
a couple hundred views at the most,
تنها چند صد نفر آن را ببینند،
just my Facebook friends,
in the New York Times
to the traffic on my blog.
and Good Morning America had called.
"صبح بخیر آمریکا "و "نمایش امروز" با من تماس گرفتند.
would receive over 8 million views,
the confidence to write honestly
داشته باشی تا با صداقت درباره تجربه ات
has made international news --
that people across the world
مردم سراسر جهان
in the status of your new relationship.
شما سرمایهگذاری میکنند.
which they did every day for weeks,
تو تلفن یا ایمل میزنند،
مشابهی را میپرسند:
این سخنرانی را آماده میکردم،
popped up immediately.
shouted up to the stage,
is part of the deal.
in an international newspaper,
to feel comfortable asking about it.
راحتی بکنند تا از تو درابن باره سوال کنند.
for the scope of the response.
to have taken on a life of their own.
published a follow-up article
of trying the study themselves,
روی خودشان با درجات مختلفی
in the face of all of this attention
of my own relationship.
for the two of us
for photos of the two us.
عکسبرداری از ما گفتم نه.
for the process of falling in love,
عاشق شدم تبدیل شویم،
feel qualified for.
برای اینکاراصلا مناسب نیست.
if the study worked,
این مطالعه درست بود یا نه،
of producing love that would last,
عاشق شدن بشود و باقی بماند،
sustainable love.
عشق واقعی، عشق پایدار.
I didn't feel capable of answering.
پاسخ دادن به آن را نداشتم.
was only a few months old,
the wrong question in the first place.
اشتباهی در وهله اول میکنند.
we were still together really tell them?
of doing these 36 questions
about these questions
was not to produce romantic love.
به عشق رمانتیک نبود.
among college students,
personalistic self-disclosure."
و بی پردگی شخصی" میگوید.
did feel closer after doing it,
احساس نزدیکی کردند،
used Aron's fast friends protocol
ازپروتکل دوستان سریع آرون استفاده میکنند
trust and intimacy between strangers.
of the police and members of community,
of opposing political ideologies.
with four minutes of eye contact,
and it didn't work."
و این کار نکرد."
کمی بهت زده بود.
with the person you did it with?" I asked.
تو عاشق کسی که باهاش بودی نشدی؟"
better friends?" I asked.
know each other after doing the study?"
همدیگر را واقعا بهتر می شناسید"
he was looking for.
that any of us are looking for
فکر نمیکنم این پاسخی باشد
a really difficult breakup.
since I was 20,
I could make a life without him.
آیا میتوانم بدون او زندگی کنم.
about the science of romantic love,
دانست را درباره اش تحقیق کردم،
somehow inoculate me from heartache.
به نحوی من را در برابر اندوه واکسینه کند.
this at the time --
for this book I was writing --
یک کتاب تحقیق میکنم--
به نظر میاید این کاملا روشن بوده است.
with the knowledge of romantic love,
در برابر عشق رومنتیک مسلح کنم،
as terrible and lonely as I did then.
بعد از آن اتفاق افتاده بود را دیگر داشته باشم.
has been useful in some ways.
I am more relaxed.
about asking for what I want.
is sometimes more
by the person I love indefinitely.
عشق ورزیده شوم.
if we were still together.
آیا ما هنوز هم با هم هستیم یا نه.
about the 36 questions
a shortcut to falling in love.
mitigate some of the risk involved,
برخی درگیرها کاسته شود،
دارید که از دست خواهید داد،
do provide a mechanism
مکانیزمی را برای شناخت سریع فردی
شناخته شوید را نیز فراهم میاورد،
that most of us really want from love:
که بیشتر ما از عشق میخواهیم:
the short version of the story.
از داستان را قبول کنیم.
"Are you still together?"
"آیا هنوز با هم هستید؟"
some more difficult questions,
که چه کسی لیافت عشق تو را دارد
when things get difficult,
هنگامی که مشکلات پیش میآید،
when to just cut and run?
ارتباطت را قطع کنی و بروی؟
into every relationship,
میکنی می توانی زندگی کنی ،
the answers to these questions,
at having a more thoughtful conversation
مهمی برای یک گفتگوی عقلایی
of my relationship is this:
and I did a study
the same thing as staying in love.
"Love didn't happen to us.
"عشق برای ما اتفاق نیفتاد.
made the choice to be."
عاشق باشیم."
when I read that now,
I really hadn't considered
من واقعا توجه نداشتم
in that choice.
we would each have to make that choice,
هریک از ما باید این انتخاب را بکنیم،
to have to make that choice
he will always choose me.
من را انتخاب خواهد کرد یا نه.
and answered 36 questions,
که من این ۳۶ پرسش را پاسخ دهم
so generous and kind and fun
بخشنده، مهربان و دوست داشتی باشد
in the biggest newspaper in America.
is turn my relationship
I don't quite believe in.
که من خیلی به این عقیده ندارم.
I will spend my life wanting,
چیزی که شاد من زندگیم را صرف انتظارکشیدن برای آن کردم،
implied by the title to my article,
that I didn't actually write.
که من آن را واقعا ننوشتم.
to make the choice to love someone,
داشتن انتخاب برای عشق ورزیدن به یک نفر باشد،
to love me back,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Mandy Len Catron - WriterMandy Len Catron explores love stories.
Why you should listen
Originally from Appalachian Virginia, Mandy Len Catron is a writer living and working in Vancouver, British Columbia. Her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone, is available for preorder on Amazon. Catron's writing has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Walrus, as well as literary journals and anthologies. She writes about love and love stories at The Love Story Project and teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Her article "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This" was one of the most popular articles published by the New York Times in 2015.
Mandy Len Catron | Speaker | TED.com