James Veitch: The agony of trying to unsubscribe
جیمز ویتک: اقدام زجرآور لغو کردن اشتراک
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
را فراموش میکنیم.
and she told me this story
و او از ماجرایی گفت
forgotten about
she would pull the car over,
ماشین را کنار میزند
gotten out of the car,
to let me out of the car,
تا من را پیاده کند،
I used to play with myself
که با خودم میکردم
I was bored or frustrated.
یا استصیال خودم را سرگرم کنم.
of information overload. Right?
اطلاعات زندگی میکنیم.
too many marketing emails.
که کلی ایمیل بازاریابی میگیرم.
from a supermarket firm,
and it went like this, it said:
at King's Cross opens!!!"
در چهارراه کینگ مانده»
signing up to that,
برایش ثبتنام کرده بودم،
that they appear to think
که ظاهرا فکر کرده بودند
about a shop opening.
to the bottom of the email,
I got another one that said,
در چهارراه کینگ مانده»
I haven't clicked hard enough.
دکمه را محکم فشار نداده بودم.
you guessed it,
یک هفته گذشت و باز هم
at King's Cross opens!!!"
در چهارراه کینگ مانده!!!!»
ما را به همه چیز داده؛
همه چیز را به ما داده.
matter in this world
بدون دریافت ایمیلهای
about supermarket chains
a strongly worded email,
درست و حسابی برایشان بنویسم،
a guy called Dan said,
شخصی به نام دن گفت،
to help me with your query."
درخواستت کمک گرفتم.»
excited about the opening!"
خیلی هیجانزدهام!»
the bouncy castle or shall I?"
یا من رزرو کنم؟»
but there is no celebration planned."
اما خبری از جشن گرفتن نیست.»
until,' 'Two weeks until' emails?
ایمیلهای سه هفته تا... دو هفته تا... چیه؟
castle was non-refundable."
را پس نمیدهند.»
a few hundred quid, Dan."
چوقی از دست دادیم، دن.»
for anything you have ordered."
سفارش شما نیستم.»
چه کسی بوده.
are in this together."
در این کار نقش داریم.»
to make sure people take their shoes off?"
کسی با کفش داخل آن بشه؟»
with Dan deteriorated somewhat,
با دن تیره و تار شد،
your Case Number is ..."
شماره پرونده شما هست...»
this is ... -- and I, I ....
All I'm doing is collecting case numbers.
نتیجه همه کارم این شماره پروندههاست.
why there was no bouncy castle."
چرا خبری از قلعه بادکنکی نبود.»
the end of the story,
that anything -- everything --
هر چیزی
as getting out of a car,
مثل از ماشین پیاده شدن
مناسب را بیابیم.
your Case Number is #0000001.]
شماره پرونده شما هست 0000001#]
it was quite labor-intensive,
خیلی پرزحمت بود
auto-replier program.
ایمیلی خودکار بود.
it receives an email from SafeMart,
از سیف مارت ایمیلی بیاید
جواب این بود،
your Case Number is ..."
شماره پرونده شما ...»
to up the case number every time.
شماره پرونده نوشتن استفاده کردم.
a number of emails going back and forth.
sense of satisfaction to know
بدانم
are just going to be pinging one another
تا ابد به بازی با هم
I don't think that's bad.
by the bureaucracy
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com