TEDSummit
James Veitch: The agony of trying to unsubscribe
Džejms Vič (James Veitch): Agonija pokušaja otkazivanja pretplate
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Dešava se svima nama: otkažemo pretplatu za neki reklamni imejl, i nekoliko dana kasnije još jedna poruka iz iste firme se pojavi u našem sandučetu. Komičar Džejms Vič je preokrenuo svoju frustracju u kapricioznost kad je lokalni supermarket odbi da prihvati ne kao odgovor. Usledile su ludorije.
James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
It's funny the things you forget.
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Smešno je šta sve zaboravite.
00:15
I went to see my mother the other day,
and she told me this story
and she told me this story
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Otišao sam u posetu majci pre neki dan,
i ispričala mi je priču,
i ispričala mi je priču,
00:19
that I'd completely
forgotten about
forgotten about
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koju sam u potpunosti zaboravio,
00:21
how, when we were driving together,
she would pull the car over,
she would pull the car over,
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da kad bismo se vozili zajedno,
ona bi zaustavila auto,
ona bi zaustavila auto,
00:25
and by the time she had
gotten out of the car,
gotten out of the car,
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i dok bi izašla iz auta,
00:27
and gone around the car
to let me out of the car,
to let me out of the car,
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i obišla ga kako bi meni otvorila vrata,
00:29
I would have already gotten out of the car
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ja bih već bio napolju
00:31
and pretended to have died.
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i pretvarao se da sam mrtav.
00:34
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:37
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
00:47
Because that's how you die.
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Jer se tako umire.
00:48
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:50
And I remember, that was a game
I used to play with myself
I used to play with myself
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I sećam se da je to igra
koju sam igrao sa samim sobom,
koju sam igrao sa samim sobom,
00:54
to entertain myself whenever
I was bored or frustrated.
I was bored or frustrated.
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kako bih se zabavio kad god bi mi bilo
dosadno ili bih bio isfrustriran.
dosadno ili bih bio isfrustriran.
00:58
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:00
Settle down.
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Smirite se.
01:01
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:03
People say we live in an age
of information overload. Right?
of information overload. Right?
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Kažu da živimo u dobu
prenatrpanosti informacijama. Je l' da?
prenatrpanosti informacijama. Je l' da?
01:06
I don't know about that,
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Ne znam za to,
01:08
but I just know that I get
too many marketing emails.
too many marketing emails.
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ali prosto znam da dobijam
previše reklamnih mejlova.
previše reklamnih mejlova.
01:10
I got a marketing email
from a supermarket firm,
from a supermarket firm,
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Dobijam reklamne mejlove
iz firme za supermarkete,
iz firme za supermarkete,
01:13
which will remain nameless
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koju nećemo imenovati,
01:14
for predominantly legal reasons,
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iz uglavnom pravnih razloga,
01:16
but which I'm going to call "SafeMart."
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ali koju ću da nazovem "SafeMart".
01:19
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:21
I got an email from them,
and it went like this, it said:
and it went like this, it said:
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Dobio sam imejl od njih
koji je glasio ovako:
koji je glasio ovako:
01:24
"Just three weeks until SafeMart
at King's Cross opens!!!"
at King's Cross opens!!!"
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"Svega tri nedelje do otvaranja
SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
01:28
And I resented this,
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I ovo mi je bilo odvratno,
01:30
because not only do I not remember
signing up to that,
signing up to that,
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jer ne samo da se ne sećam
da sam se pretplatio za ovo,
da sam se pretplatio za ovo,
01:34
but I resent the fact
that they appear to think
that they appear to think
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već mi je bila odvratna
činjenica da oni izgleda misle
činjenica da oni izgleda misle
01:37
that I should be excited
about a shop opening.
about a shop opening.
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kako bi trebalo da budem uzbuđen
zbog otvaranja prodavnice.
zbog otvaranja prodavnice.
01:41
So what I did was I scrolled down
to the bottom of the email,
to the bottom of the email,
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Pa sam skrolovao do dna imejla
01:44
and I pressed, "Unsubscribe."
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i pritisnuo "Otkaži pretplatu".
01:46
And I thought that'd be the end of it.
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I verovao sam da je tu kraj.
01:48
But a week later,
I got another one that said,
I got another one that said,
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No nedelju dana kasnije,
dobio sam drugi mejl:
dobio sam drugi mejl:
01:50
"Just two weeks
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"Svega dve nedelje
01:52
until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"
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do otvaranja SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
01:54
And I thought, obviously,
I haven't clicked hard enough.
I haven't clicked hard enough.
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I pomislio sam da nisam
dovoljno jako pritisnuo.
dovoljno jako pritisnuo.
01:57
So I tried it again. Right?
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Pa sam pokušao ponovo. Je li?
02:00
Lo and behold, a week passes,
you guessed it,
you guessed it,
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I gle sad, nedelja je prošla, pogađate:
02:02
"Just one week until SafeMart
at King's Cross opens!!!"
at King's Cross opens!!!"
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"Svega jedna nedelja
do otvarnja SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
do otvarnja SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
02:06
And here's the problem:
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A evo u čemu je problem:
02:08
The internet gave us access to everything;
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internet nam je omogućio pristup svemu;
02:11
but it also gave everything access to us.
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ali je takođe svemu omogućio pristup nama.
02:15
It's hard enough to discriminate
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Dovoljno je teško odabrati
02:16
between the things that genuinely
matter in this world
matter in this world
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između stvari
koje su uistinu važne u svetu
koje su uistinu važne u svetu
02:19
and the minutiae of life,
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i životnih tričarija,
02:20
without having emails
about supermarket chains
about supermarket chains
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i bez imejlova o otvaranju
lanaca supermarketa
lanaca supermarketa
02:23
and Candy Crush Saga.
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i Kendi kraš sage.
02:26
And I was really annoyed with them,
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I zaista su me nervirali,
02:28
and I thought, OK, I was about to write
a strongly worded email,
a strongly worded email,
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pa sam pomislio, u redu, napisaću
imejl pun teških reči,
imejl pun teških reči,
02:31
which I can do quite well.
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nešto što mi dobro ide.
02:32
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:35
And I thought, no --
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I pomislio sam, ne --
02:37
I'm going to find the game.
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izumiću igru.
02:38
So I replied to it, and I said,
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Pa sam odgovorio na mejl rečima:
02:41
"I literally cannot wait!!!!"
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"Ja bukvalno jedva čekam!!!"
02:43
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:47
"What do you need from me?"
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"Šta treba da uradim?"
Odgovorili su mi,
lik po imenu Den je rekao:
lik po imenu Den je rekao:
02:51
They got back to me;
a guy called Dan said,
a guy called Dan said,
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"Hej Džejms. Zamolio sam kolegu
za pomoć s tvojim upitom."
za pomoć s tvojim upitom."
02:53
"Hi James. I've asked a colleague
to help me with your query."
to help me with your query."
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02:56
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:57
Like it needs help.
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Kao da je pomoć potrebna.
03:00
And I said, "What's the plan, Dan?
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Te sam pitao: "Kakav je plan, Den?
Razmišljao sam o vatrometu,
zamku na naduvavanje..."
zamku na naduvavanje..."
03:02
I'm thinking fireworks, bouncy castle ..."
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03:04
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:08
"I'm not sure what you mean."
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"Nisam siguran na šta mislite."
03:09
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:11
I said, "I'm just tremendously
excited about the opening!"
excited about the opening!"
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Rekao sam: "Prosto sam izuzetno
uzbuđen zbog otvaranja!"
uzbuđen zbog otvaranja!"
03:14
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:17
"Do you want to book
the bouncy castle or shall I?"
the bouncy castle or shall I?"
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"Hoćete li vi
da iznajmite zamak ili ću ja?"
da iznajmite zamak ili ću ja?"
03:23
He said, "I think you have misunderstood."
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Rekao je:
"Mislim da ste pogrešno shvatili."
"Mislim da ste pogrešno shvatili."
03:25
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:27
"A new store is opening,
but there is no celebration planned."
but there is no celebration planned."
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"Otvara se nova prodavnica,
ali nije planirana proslava."
ali nije planirana proslava."
03:31
I said, "But what was all the 'Three weeks
until,' 'Two weeks until' emails?
until,' 'Two weeks until' emails?
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Upitao sam: "Pa šta su bili svi ti 'Tri
nedelje do,' 'Dve nedelje do' mejlovi?
nedelje do,' 'Dve nedelje do' mejlovi?
03:35
I was getting excited."
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Bio sam uzbuđen."
03:37
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:40
"I'm sorry you're disappointed."
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"Žao mi je što ste se razočarali."
03:41
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:45
I said, "Not to worry.
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Rekao sam: "Ne brinite.
03:48
Let's do something anyway!
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Svejedno uradimo nešto!
03:51
Besides, the deposit on the bouncy
castle was non-refundable."
castle was non-refundable."
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Ionako je depozit za dovorac
na naduvavanje bespovratan."
na naduvavanje bespovratan."
03:54
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:58
"If we don't use it, we're out
a few hundred quid, Dan."
a few hundred quid, Dan."
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"Ako ga ne iskoristimo,
propade nam nekoliko stotki, Den."
propade nam nekoliko stotki, Den."
04:01
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:04
He said, "Mr. Veitch, I'm not responsible
for anything you have ordered."
for anything you have ordered."
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Rako je: "G. Vič, nisam odgovoran
za bilo šta što ste poručili."
za bilo šta što ste poručili."
04:09
I said, "Let's not get into who did what.
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Rekao sam: "Ne ulazimo u to
ko je šta uradio.
ko je šta uradio.
04:14
Bottom line: you and I
are in this together."
are in this together."
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Naposletku: vi i ja smo zajedno u ovome."
04:16
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:19
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
04:23
"Question: Will you be there
to make sure people take their shoes off?"
to make sure people take their shoes off?"
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"Pitanje: hoćete li biti tu
da se postarate da se ljudi izuvaju?"
da se postarate da se ljudi izuvaju?"
04:26
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:31
I'll be honest, then my relationship
with Dan deteriorated somewhat,
with Dan deteriorated somewhat,
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Biću iskren, potom se moja veza
s Denom unekoliko pogoršala
s Denom unekoliko pogoršala
04:34
because the next email I got was this:
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jer sam dobio sledeći mejl:
04:37
"Thanks for your email -
your Case Number is ..."
your Case Number is ..."
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"Hvala za vaš imejl -
broj vašeg slučaja je..."
broj vašeg slučaja je..."
04:39
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:41
That's outrageous.
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To je nečuveno.
04:43
I said, "Dan?"
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Rekao sam: "Den?"
04:44
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:46
And I got -- and I was just like,
this is ... -- and I, I ....
this is ... -- and I, I ....
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I dobio sam - i bio sam u fazonu,
ovo je.. - i ja, ja...
ovo je.. - i ja, ja...
04:49
And I said, "Danny?"
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I rekao sam: "Deni?"
04:51
And I thought, this is terrible.
All I'm doing is collecting case numbers.
All I'm doing is collecting case numbers.
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I pomislio sam da je to užasno.
Samo sam sakupljao brojeve.
Samo sam sakupljao brojeve.
04:56
I said, "D-Dog?"
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Rekoh: "De-druže?"
04:57
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:00
"The store is now open."
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"Prodavnica je otvorena."
05:01
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:05
I said, "But Dan, they must have wondered
why there was no bouncy castle."
why there was no bouncy castle."
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Rekoh: "Ali, Den, sigurno su se pitali
zašto nije bilo zamka na naduvavanje."
zašto nije bilo zamka na naduvavanje."
05:10
And then we were back to this.
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I onda smo se vratili ovome.
05:15
And that might have been
the end of the story,
the end of the story,
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I to bi možda bio kraj priče,
05:17
but I remembered
that anything -- everything --
that anything -- everything --
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ali sam se setio da bilo šta - sve -
05:21
even something as mundane
as getting out of a car,
as getting out of a car,
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čak i nešto svakidašnje
poput izlaska iz auta,
poput izlaska iz auta,
05:25
can be fun if you find the right game.
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može da bude zabavno,
ako nađete pravu igru.
ako nađete pravu igru.
05:29
So,
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Dakle,
05:31
this is what I replied:
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evo šta sam odgovorio:
05:34
[Thanks for your email -
your Case Number is #0000001.]
your Case Number is #0000001.]
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[Hvala na mejlu -
vaš broj slučaja je #0000001.]
vaš broj slučaja je #0000001.]
05:36
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:39
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
05:44
And we just, uh ...
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I prosto smo...
05:46
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:48
It was like we were dancing.
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Bilo je poput plesa.
05:50
It was just a beautiful relationship.
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Bila je to predivna veza.
05:52
We just kept going.
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Prosto smo nastavili.
05:55
It was lovely.
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Bilo je ljupko.
05:56
But to be honest, guys,
it was quite labor-intensive,
it was quite labor-intensive,
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Ali iskreno, ljudi,
bilo je tu prilično intenzivnog rada,
bilo je tu prilično intenzivnog rada,
05:59
and I had other stuff to do,
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a ja sam imao i drugog posla,
06:02
believe it or not.
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verovali ili ne.
06:05
So what I did is I have a little email
auto-replier program.
auto-replier program.
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Ja imam maleni program
za automatsko odgovaranje na mejlove.
za automatsko odgovaranje na mejlove.
06:12
And I set it up so every time
it receives an email from SafeMart,
it receives an email from SafeMart,
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Te sam ga podesio da svaki put
kad dobije mejl od SafeMart-a,
kad dobije mejl od SafeMart-a,
06:15
it just pings one back.
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prosto uzvrati drugim.
06:16
So I set it up, and it says,
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Te sam ga podesio da kaže:
06:18
"Thanks for your email -
your Case Number is ..."
your Case Number is ..."
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"Hvala na vašem mejlu -
broj vašeg slučaja je..."
broj vašeg slučaja je..."
06:20
Then it has a little formula that I wrote
to up the case number every time.
to up the case number every time.
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Potom tu je mala formula koju sam napisao
da svaki put uveća broj.
da svaki put uveća broj.
06:24
And I put it on the server
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I postavio sam to na server
06:26
and set it running.
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i pokrenuo ga.
06:29
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:34
I'll be honest, guys --
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Biću iskren, ljudi -
06:36
then I forgot about it.
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potom sam zaboravio na to.
06:37
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:40
I checked back on it the other day,
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Proverio sam ga pre neki dan,
06:42
and it appears there have been
a number of emails going back and forth.
a number of emails going back and forth.
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i izgleda da je više mejlova
prosleđeno tamo i ovamo.
prosleđeno tamo i ovamo.
06:49
We're on 21,439.
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Trenutno smo na 21,439.
06:52
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
06:59
It gives me an immense
sense of satisfaction to know
sense of satisfaction to know
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Pričinjava mi izuzetno
zadovoljstvo saznanje
zadovoljstvo saznanje
07:02
that these computer programs
are just going to be pinging one another
are just going to be pinging one another
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da će ovi kompjuterski programi
da se dobacuju ovako
da se dobacuju ovako
07:06
for eternity.
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zauvek.
07:08
And as legacies go,
I don't think that's bad.
I don't think that's bad.
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I kako stvari stoje,
ne mislim da je to loše.
ne mislim da je to loše.
07:13
So guys, just remember:
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Pa, ljudi, samo se setite:
07:15
if ever you feel weighed down
by the bureaucracy
by the bureaucracy
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ako vas ikad savlada birokratija
07:18
and often mundanity of modern life,
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i svakidašnjica modernog života,
07:22
don't fight the frustration.
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ne borite se protiv frustracija.
07:26
Let it be the catalyst
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Neka one budu katalizatori
07:28
for whimsy.
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za kapricioznost.
07:31
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
07:34
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
07:35
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com