ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.

Why you should listen

Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK. 

He lives in London with his full body pillow.

More profile about the speaker
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com
TEDSummit

James Veitch: The agony of trying to unsubscribe

Džejms Vič (James Veitch): Agonija pokušaja otkazivanja pretplate

Filmed:
21,478,160 views

Dešava se svima nama: otkažemo pretplatu za neki reklamni imejl, i nekoliko dana kasnije još jedna poruka iz iste firme se pojavi u našem sandučetu. Komičar Džejms Vič je preokrenuo svoju frustracju u kapricioznost kad je lokalni supermarket odbi da prihvati ne kao odgovor. Usledile su ludorije.
- Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
It's funnyсмешно the things you forgetзаборави.
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Smešno je šta sve zaboravite.
00:15
I wentотишао to see my motherмајка the other day,
and she told me this storyприча
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Otišao sam u posetu majci pre neki dan,
i ispričala mi je priču,
00:19
that I'd completelyу потпуности
forgottenзаборављен about
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koju sam u potpunosti zaboravio,
00:21
how, when we were drivingвожња togetherзаједно,
she would pullповући the carауто over,
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da kad bismo se vozili zajedno,
ona bi zaustavila auto,
00:25
and by the time she had
gottenготтен out of the carауто,
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i dok bi izašla iz auta,
00:27
and goneотишла around the carауто
to let me out of the carауто,
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i obišla ga kako bi meni otvorila vrata,
00:29
I would have alreadyвећ gottenготтен out of the carауто
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ja bih već bio napolju
00:31
and pretendedpravila se to have diedумро.
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i pretvarao se da sam mrtav.
00:34
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
00:37
(ApplauseAplauz)
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(Aplauz)
00:47
Because that's how you dieумрети.
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Jer se tako umire.
00:48
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
00:50
And I rememberзапамтити, that was a gameигра
I used to playигра with myselfЈа сам
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I sećam se da je to igra
koju sam igrao sa samim sobom,
00:54
to entertainzabavljam myselfЈа сам wheneverбило кад
I was boredдосадно or frustratedфрустриран.
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kako bih se zabavio kad god bi mi bilo
dosadno ili bih bio isfrustriran.
00:58
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
01:00
SettleSredi down.
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Smirite se.
01:01
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
01:03
People say we liveживи in an ageстарост
of informationинформације overloadпреоптерећење. Right?
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Kažu da živimo u dobu
prenatrpanosti informacijama. Je l' da?
01:06
I don't know about that,
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Ne znam za to,
01:08
but I just know that I get
too manyмноги marketingМаркетинг emailsемаилс.
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ali prosto znam da dobijam
previše reklamnih mejlova.
01:10
I got a marketingМаркетинг emailемаил
from a supermarketсупер маркет firmфирма,
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Dobijam reklamne mejlove
iz firme za supermarkete,
01:13
whichкоја will remainостају namelessбезимени
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koju nećemo imenovati,
01:14
for predominantlyпретежно legalправни reasonsразлоге,
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iz uglavnom pravnih razloga,
01:16
but whichкоја I'm going to call "SafeMartSafeMart."
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ali koju ću da nazovem "SafeMart".
01:19
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
01:21
I got an emailемаил from them,
and it wentотишао like this, it said:
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Dobio sam imejl od njih
koji je glasio ovako:
01:24
"Just threeтри weeksнедељама untilсве док SafeMartSafeMart
at King'sKraljevo CrossKrst opensотвара се!!!"
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"Svega tri nedelje do otvaranja
SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
01:28
And I resentedPrezirao je this,
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I ovo mi je bilo odvratno,
01:30
because not only do I not rememberзапамтити
signingпотписивање up to that,
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jer ne samo da se ne sećam
da sam se pretplatio za ovo,
01:34
but I resentljuti the factчињеница
that they appearпојавити to think
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već mi je bila odvratna
činjenica da oni izgleda misle
01:37
that I should be excitedузбуђени
about a shopсхоп openingотварање.
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kako bi trebalo da budem uzbuđen
zbog otvaranja prodavnice.
01:41
So what I did was I scrolledse spustila down
to the bottomдно of the emailемаил,
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Pa sam skrolovao do dna imejla
01:44
and I pressedpritisne, "UnsubscribeOtkazivanje pretplate."
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i pritisnuo "Otkaži pretplatu".
01:46
And I thought that'dто би be the endкрај of it.
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I verovao sam da je tu kraj.
01:48
But a weekНедеља laterкасније,
I got anotherдруги one that said,
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No nedelju dana kasnije,
dobio sam drugi mejl:
01:50
"Just two weeksнедељама
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"Svega dve nedelje
01:52
untilсве док SafeMartSafeMart at King'sKraljevo CrossKrst opensотвара се!!!"
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do otvaranja SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
01:54
And I thought, obviouslyочигледно,
I haven'tније clickedna klik hardтешко enoughдовољно.
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I pomislio sam da nisam
dovoljno jako pritisnuo.
01:57
So I triedПокушали it again. Right?
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Pa sam pokušao ponovo. Je li?
02:00
LoLo and beholdЕво, a weekНедеља passesпролази,
you guessedPogodio it,
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I gle sad, nedelja je prošla, pogađate:
02:02
"Just one weekНедеља untilсве док SafeMartSafeMart
at King'sKraljevo CrossKrst opensотвара се!!!"
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"Svega jedna nedelja
do otvarnja SafeMart-a u Kings Krosu!!!"
02:06
And here'sево the problemпроблем:
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A evo u čemu je problem:
02:08
The internetинтернет gaveдала us accessприступ to everything;
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internet nam je omogućio pristup svemu;
02:11
but it alsoтакође gaveдала everything accessприступ to us.
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ali je takođe svemu omogućio pristup nama.
02:15
It's hardтешко enoughдовољно to discriminatediskriminira
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Dovoljno je teško odabrati
02:16
betweenизмеђу the things that genuinelyискрено
matterматерија in this worldсвет
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između stvari
koje su uistinu važne u svetu
02:19
and the minutiaesitnice of life,
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i životnih tričarija,
02:20
withoutбез havingимати emailsемаилс
about supermarketсупер маркет chainsланци
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i bez imejlova o otvaranju
lanaca supermarketa
02:23
and CandyCandy CrushSimpatija SagaSaga.
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i Kendi kraš sage.
02:26
And I was really annoyedизнервиран with them,
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I zaista su me nervirali,
02:28
and I thought, OK, I was about to writeпиши
a stronglyснажно wordedNe mogu sada emailемаил,
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pa sam pomislio, u redu, napisaću
imejl pun teških reči,
02:31
whichкоја I can do quiteприлично well.
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nešto što mi dobro ide.
02:32
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
02:35
And I thought, no --
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I pomislio sam, ne --
02:37
I'm going to find the gameигра.
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izumiću igru.
02:38
So I repliedодговорио је to it, and I said,
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Pa sam odgovorio na mejl rečima:
02:41
"I literallyбуквално cannotне може wait!!!!"
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"Ja bukvalno jedva čekam!!!"
02:43
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
02:47
"What do you need from me?"
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"Šta treba da uradim?"
Odgovorili su mi,
lik po imenu Den je rekao:
02:51
They got back to me;
a guy calledпозвани DanDen said,
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"Hej Džejms. Zamolio sam kolegu
za pomoć s tvojim upitom."
02:53
"HiZdravo JamesJames. I've askedпитао a colleagueколега
to help me with your queryupit."
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02:56
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
02:57
Like it needsпотребе help.
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Kao da je pomoć potrebna.
03:00
And I said, "What's the planплан, DanDen?
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Te sam pitao: "Kakav je plan, Den?
Razmišljao sam o vatrometu,
zamku na naduvavanje..."
03:02
I'm thinkingразмишљање fireworksvatromet, bouncyza skakanje castledvorac ..."
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03:04
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:08
"I'm not sure what you mean."
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"Nisam siguran na šta mislite."
03:09
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:11
I said, "I'm just tremendouslyстрашно
excitedузбуђени about the openingотварање!"
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Rekao sam: "Prosto sam izuzetno
uzbuđen zbog otvaranja!"
03:14
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:17
"Do you want to bookкњига
the bouncyza skakanje castledvorac or shallтреба I?"
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"Hoćete li vi
da iznajmite zamak ili ću ja?"
03:23
He said, "I think you have misunderstoodRazumeo."
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Rekao je:
"Mislim da ste pogrešno shvatili."
03:25
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:27
"A newново storeпродавница is openingотварање,
but there is no celebrationproslava plannedпланирано."
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"Otvara se nova prodavnica,
ali nije planirana proslava."
03:31
I said, "But what was all the 'Three' Tri weeksнедељама
untilсве док,' 'Two' Dva weeksнедељама until'dok ' emailsемаилс?
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Upitao sam: "Pa šta su bili svi ti 'Tri
nedelje do,' 'Dve nedelje do' mejlovi?
03:35
I was gettingдобијања excitedузбуђени."
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Bio sam uzbuđen."
03:37
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:40
"I'm sorry you're disappointedразочаран."
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"Žao mi je što ste se razočarali."
03:41
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:45
I said, "Not to worryзабринути.
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Rekao sam: "Ne brinite.
03:48
Let's do something anywayУ сваком случају!
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Svejedno uradimo nešto!
03:51
BesidesOsim toga, the depositdepozita on the bouncyza skakanje
castledvorac was non-refundablekarta."
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Ionako je depozit za dovorac
na naduvavanje bespovratan."
03:54
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:58
"If we don't use it, we're out
a fewнеколико hundredсто quidfunti, DanDen."
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"Ako ga ne iskoristimo,
propade nam nekoliko stotki, Den."
04:01
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
04:04
He said, "MrG.. VeitchViи je, I'm not responsibleодговоран
for anything you have orderedнаручио."
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Rako je: "G. Vič, nisam odgovoran
za bilo šta što ste poručili."
04:09
I said, "Let's not get into who did what.
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Rekao sam: "Ne ulazimo u to
ko je šta uradio.
04:14
BottomDna lineлине: you and I
are in this togetherзаједно."
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Naposletku: vi i ja smo zajedno u ovome."
04:16
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
04:19
(ApplauseAplauz)
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(Aplauz)
04:23
"QuestionPitanje: Will you be there
to make sure people take theirњихова shoesципеле off?"
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"Pitanje: hoćete li biti tu
da se postarate da se ljudi izuvaju?"
04:26
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
04:31
I'll be honestпоштен, then my relationshipоднос
with DanDen deterioratedse pogoršala somewhatдонекле,
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Biću iskren, potom se moja veza
s Denom unekoliko pogoršala
04:34
because the nextследећи emailемаил I got was this:
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jer sam dobio sledeći mejl:
04:37
"ThanksHvala ti for your emailемаил -
your CaseSlučaj NumberBroj is ..."
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"Hvala za vaš imejl -
broj vašeg slučaja je..."
04:39
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
04:41
That's outrageousизузетно.
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To je nečuveno.
04:43
I said, "DanDen?"
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Rekao sam: "Den?"
04:44
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
04:46
And I got -- and I was just like,
this is ... -- and I, I ....
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I dobio sam - i bio sam u fazonu,
ovo je.. - i ja, ja...
04:49
And I said, "DannyDeni?"
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I rekao sam: "Deni?"
04:51
And I thought, this is terribleстрашно.
All I'm doing is collectingприкупљање caseслучај numbersбројеви.
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I pomislio sam da je to užasno.
Samo sam sakupljao brojeve.
04:56
I said, "D-DogD-psa?"
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Rekoh: "De-druže?"
04:57
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
05:00
"The storeпродавница is now openотворен."
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"Prodavnica je otvorena."
05:01
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
05:05
I said, "But DanDen, they mustмора have wonderedпитао се
why there was no bouncyza skakanje castledvorac."
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Rekoh: "Ali, Den, sigurno su se pitali
zašto nije bilo zamka na naduvavanje."
05:10
And then we were back to this.
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I onda smo se vratili ovome.
05:15
And that mightМожда have been
the endкрај of the storyприча,
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I to bi možda bio kraj priče,
05:17
but I rememberedсетио
that anything -- everything --
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ali sam se setio da bilo šta - sve -
05:21
even something as mundaneМундане
as gettingдобијања out of a carауто,
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čak i nešto svakidašnje
poput izlaska iz auta,
05:25
can be funзабавно if you find the right gameигра.
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može da bude zabavno,
ako nađete pravu igru.
05:29
So,
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Dakle,
05:31
this is what I repliedодговорио је:
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evo šta sam odgovorio:
05:34
[ThanksHvala ti for your emailемаил -
your CaseSlučaj NumberBroj is #0000001.]
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[Hvala na mejlu -
vaš broj slučaja je #0000001.]
05:36
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
05:39
(ApplauseAplauz)
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(Aplauz)
05:44
And we just, uh ...
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I prosto smo...
05:46
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
05:48
It was like we were dancingплес.
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Bilo je poput plesa.
05:50
It was just a beautifulЛепа relationshipоднос.
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Bila je to predivna veza.
05:52
We just keptчува going.
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Prosto smo nastavili.
05:55
It was lovelyдивно.
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Bilo je ljupko.
05:56
But to be honestпоштен, guys,
it was quiteприлично labor-intensiveинтензивног рада,
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Ali iskreno, ljudi,
bilo je tu prilično intenzivnog rada,
05:59
and I had other stuffствари to do,
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a ja sam imao i drugog posla,
06:02
believe it or not.
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verovali ili ne.
06:05
So what I did is I have a little emailемаил
auto-replierauto-replier programпрограм.
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Ja imam maleni program
za automatsko odgovaranje na mejlove.
06:12
And I setкомплет it up so everyсваки time
it receivesprima an emailемаил from SafeMartSafeMart,
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Te sam ga podesio da svaki put
kad dobije mejl od SafeMart-a,
06:15
it just pingstakve zvukove one back.
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prosto uzvrati drugim.
06:16
So I setкомплет it up, and it saysкаже,
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Te sam ga podesio da kaže:
06:18
"ThanksHvala ti for your emailемаил -
your CaseSlučaj NumberBroj is ..."
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"Hvala na vašem mejlu -
broj vašeg slučaja je..."
06:20
Then it has a little formulaформула that I wroteнаписао
to up the caseслучај numberброј everyсваки time.
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Potom tu je mala formula koju sam napisao
da svaki put uveća broj.
06:24
And I put it on the serverServer
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I postavio sam to na server
06:26
and setкомплет it runningтрчање.
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i pokrenuo ga.
06:29
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
06:34
I'll be honestпоштен, guys --
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Biću iskren, ljudi -
06:36
then I forgotзаборавио about it.
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potom sam zaboravio na to.
06:37
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
06:40
I checkedцхецкед back on it the other day,
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Proverio sam ga pre neki dan,
06:42
and it appearsсе појављује there have been
a numberброј of emailsемаилс going back and forthнапред.
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i izgleda da je više mejlova
prosleđeno tamo i ovamo.
06:49
We're on 21,439.
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2985
Trenutno smo na 21,439.
06:52
(ApplauseAplauz)
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(Aplauz)
06:59
It givesдаје me an immenseогромно
senseсмисао of satisfactionзадовољство to know
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Pričinjava mi izuzetno
zadovoljstvo saznanje
07:02
that these computerрачунар programsпрограме
are just going to be pingingPing one anotherдруги
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da će ovi kompjuterski programi
da se dobacuju ovako
07:06
for eternityEternity.
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zauvek.
07:08
And as legaciesnaslednici go,
I don't think that's badлоше.
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I kako stvari stoje,
ne mislim da je to loše.
07:13
So guys, just rememberзапамтити:
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1810
Pa, ljudi, samo se setite:
07:15
if ever you feel weighedsvoje mišljenje down
by the bureaucracyбирократија
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423407
3453
ako vas ikad savlada birokratija
07:18
and oftenчесто mundanitymundanity of modernмодеран life,
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2141
i svakidašnjica modernog života,
07:22
don't fightборба the frustrationфрустрација.
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1825
ne borite se protiv frustracija.
07:26
Let it be the catalystкатализатор
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1500
Neka one budu katalizatori
07:28
for whimsyhir.
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1165
za kapricioznost.
07:31
(LaughterSmeh)
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2515
(Smeh)
07:34
Thank you.
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1159
Hvala vam.
07:35
(ApplauseAplauz)
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3832
(Aplauz)
Translated by Milenka Okuka
Reviewed by Mile Živković

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.

Why you should listen

Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK. 

He lives in London with his full body pillow.

More profile about the speaker
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com