TEDxWomen 2011
Jane Fonda: Life's third act
Jane Fonda: Akti i tretë i jetës
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Gjeneratës së sotme, i janë shtuar gati 30 vite në pritshmerinë e gjatësisë së jetës– dhe keto vite nuk janë thjesht një shënim apo një patollogji. Tek TEDxWomen, Jane Fonda na pyet se çfarë mendojmë për këtë faze të re të jetës tonë.
Jane Fonda - Actor and activist
Jane Fonda has had three extraordinary careers (so far): Oscar-winning actor, fitness guru, impassioned activist. Full bio
Jane Fonda has had three extraordinary careers (so far): Oscar-winning actor, fitness guru, impassioned activist. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
There have been many revolutions
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Ka patur shume revolucione
00:17
over the last century,
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pergjate shekullit te kaluar,
00:19
but perhaps none as significant
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dhe mbase asnjeri prej tyre eshte aq i rendesishem
00:21
as the longevity revolution.
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sa revolucioni i jetegjatesise.
00:24
We are living on average today
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Ne sot jetojme mesatarisht
00:26
34 years longer than our great-grandparents did.
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34 vite me shume seç jetonin stergjysherit tane.
00:29
Think about that.
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Mendoni pak mbi kete pike.
00:31
That's an entire second adult lifetime
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Eshte nje jete e tere per nje te rritur
00:34
that's been added to our lifespan.
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qe eshte shtuar ne jeten tone.
00:36
And yet, for the most part,
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Dhe prapeseprape, ne pjesen me te madhe,
00:38
our culture has not come to terms with what this means.
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kultura jone nuk ka arritur akoma te kuptoje se çfare do te thote kjo.
00:41
We're still living with the old paradigm
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Ne vazhdojme te jetojme me paradigmin se
00:44
of age as an arch.
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mosha eshte si nje hark.
00:46
That's the metaphor, the old metaphor.
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Kjo eshte metafora, metafora e vjeter.
00:48
You're born, you peak at midlife
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Lindim, arrijme kulmin ne mesin e jetes tone
00:50
and decline into decrepitude.
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dhe pastaj vijme gjithnje ne renie.
00:52
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
00:54
Age as pathology.
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Mosha si nje patollogji.
00:56
But many people today --
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Por shume njerez sot --
00:58
philosophers, artists, doctors, scientists --
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filozofe, artiste, mjeke, shkencetare -
01:01
are taking a new look at what I call the third act,
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po veshtrojne ne menyre te re ate çka une quaj Akti i trere,
01:04
the last three decades of life.
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tre dekadat e fundit te jetes.
01:07
They realize that this is actually a developmental stage of life
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Ata e kuptojne se kjo faze eshte nje periudhe e jetes
01:12
with its own significance --
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qe ka rendesine e vet -
01:14
as different from midlife
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dhe ndryshon nga periudha e mesme e jetes
01:17
as adolescence is from childhood.
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siç ndryshon adoleshenca nga femijeria.
01:20
And they are asking -- we should all be asking --
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Dhe pyesin veten - sic ne te gjithe duhet te pyesim veten -
01:23
how do we use this time?
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si mund ta perdorim kete kohe?
01:26
How do we live it successfully?
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Si mund ta jetojme ne menyre te sukseshme?
01:28
What is the appropriate new metaphor
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Cila eshte metafora e re qe perdorim
01:30
for aging?
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per plakjen?
01:32
I've spent the last year researching and writing about this subject.
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Kam kaluar gjithe vitin e kaluar duke bere kerkime dhe duke shkruar per kete argument.
01:35
And I have come to find
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Dhe arrita ne perfundimin
01:37
that a more appropriate metaphor for aging
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se metafora me e pershtatshme per plakjen
01:41
is a staircase --
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eshte shkalla --
01:43
the upward ascension of the human spirit,
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ngjitja lart e shpirtit te njeriut,
01:47
bringing us into wisdom, wholeness
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duke na sjelle me teper mençuri, plotesim
01:49
and authenticity.
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dhe origjinalitet.
01:51
Age not at all as pathology;
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Pra mosha jo si patologji;
01:53
age as potential.
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por mosha si potencial.
01:55
And guess what?
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Dhe e dini se çfare?
01:57
This potential is not for the lucky few.
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Ky potencial nuk eshte vetem per disa njerez fatlum.
01:59
It turns out,
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Sepse veme re se,
02:01
most people over 50
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pjesa me e madhe e njerezve mbi 50 vjeç
02:03
feel better, are less stressed,
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ndihen me mire, jane me pak te stresuar,
02:05
are less hostile, less anxious.
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jane me pak agresiv dhe me pak te shqetesuar.
02:07
We tend to see commonalities
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Ne kemi prirje te shikojme me shume gjerat e perbashketa
02:09
more than differences.
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sesa ndryshimet.
02:11
Some of the studies even say
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Biles disa nga studimet thone se
02:13
we're happier.
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jemi me te lumtur.
02:15
This is not what I expected, trust me.
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Dhe vertet qe nuk mendoja se do te ishte ky rezultati i studimit tim.
02:17
I come from a long line of depressives.
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Une vij nga nje rruge e gjate depresivesh.
02:20
As I was approaching my late 40s,
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Ndersa po i afrohesha te 40tave,
02:22
when I would wake up in the morning
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kur zgjohesha ne mengjes
02:24
my first six thoughts would all be negative.
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mendimet e mija te pare ishin te gjitha negative.
02:26
And I got scared.
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Dhe kjo me trembi.
02:28
I thought, oh my gosh.
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Mendova, oh zot i madh.
02:30
I'm going to become a crotchety old lady.
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Do te behem nje plake kapriçoze.
02:32
But now that I am actually smack-dab in the middle of my own third act,
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Por tani qe une faktikisht jam ne mes te aktit tim te trete,
02:36
I realize I've never been happier.
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kam kuptuar se nuk kam qene kurre me e lumtur.
02:39
I have such a powerful feeling of well-being.
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Kam nje ndjesi shume te fuqishme te te ndjeri shume te mire.
02:44
And I've discovered
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Dhe kam zbuluar
02:46
that when you're inside oldness,
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se kur je ne brendesi te plakjes,
02:48
as opposed to looking at it from the outside,
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ndersa kundershton ta shikosh nga jashte,
02:50
fear subsides.
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frika kalon.
02:52
You realize, you're still yourself --
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Dhe ti e kupton, se je perseri ti - -
02:54
maybe even more so.
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biles tani me shume se kurre.
02:56
Picasso once said, "It takes a long time to become young."
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Pikaso dikur ka thene, "Duhet shume kohe per tu rinuar."
03:00
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
03:02
I don't want to romanticize aging.
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Nuk dua te prezantoj plakjen si diçka romantike.
03:04
Obviously, there's no guarantee
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Se sigurisht nuk ka garanci
03:06
that it can be a time of fruition and growth.
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qe do te jete nje periudhe rritje dhe perfitimi.
03:08
Some of it is a matter of luck.
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Varet shume dhe nga fati.
03:10
Some of it, obviously, is genetic.
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Ndersa, ne disa raste varet nga genet.
03:13
One third of it, in fact, is genetic.
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Nje e treta e rasteve ne fakt varet nga genet.
03:15
And there isn't much we can do about that.
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Dhe ne kete rast nuk kemi seç bejme ne.
03:18
But that means that two-thirds
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Por kjo do te thote se ne dy te tretat e rasteve
03:20
of how well we do in the third act,
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varet nga ne se sa mire e kalojme,
03:22
we can do something about.
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te berit dicka ne aktin e trete.
03:25
We're going to discuss what we can do
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Do te diskutojme bashke se çfare mund te bejme
03:28
to make these added years really successful
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qe keto vite te jene vertet te suksesshme
03:31
and use them to make a difference.
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dhe ti perdorim ato per me mire.
03:34
Now let me say something about the staircase,
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Tani me lini t'ju them diçka per shkallen,
03:36
which may seem like an odd metaphor for seniors
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qe mund t'ju duket si nje metafore e çuditshme per njerezit e moshuar
03:40
given the fact that many seniors are challenged by stairs.
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duke patur parasysh se pjesa me e madhe e pleqve vuajne kur ngjisin shkallet.
03:43
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
03:45
Myself included.
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Duke u perfshire dhe une vete ne kete fakt.
03:48
As you may know,
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Siç mund ta dini,
03:50
the entire world operates on a universal law:
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e gjithe bota funksionon ne baze te nje ligji universal:
03:53
entropy, the second law of thermodynamics.
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entropia, ligji i dyte i termodinamikes.
03:57
Entropy means that everything in the world, everything,
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Entropi do te thote se çdo gje ne bote, çdogje,
04:00
is in a state of decline and decay,
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eshte ne gjendjen e renies ose te shkaterrimit,
04:02
the arch.
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te harkut.
04:04
There's only one exception to this universal law,
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Dhe vetem nje gje ben perjashtim ne kete ligj universal,
04:07
and that is the human spirit,
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dhe kjo gje eshte shpirti i njeriut,
04:09
which can continue to evolve upwards --
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qe vazhdon te zhvillohet per se larti --
04:12
the staircase --
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ne shkalle --
04:14
bringing us into wholeness,
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duke arritur ne plotesimin e tij,
04:16
authenticity and wisdom.
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origjinalitetin dhe mençurine.
04:19
And here's an example of what I mean.
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Ja ku eshte nje shembull i asaj çka dua t'ju them.
04:21
This upward ascension
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Kjo ngjitje per lart
04:23
can happen even in the face of extreme physical challenges.
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mund te ndodhi dhe ne raste sfidash fizike te medha.
04:27
About three years ago,
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Rreth 3 vjet me pare,
04:29
I read an article in the New York Times.
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lexova nje artikull ne New York Times.
04:31
It was about a man named Neil Selinger --
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Fliste per nje burre qe quhej Neil Selinger --
04:33
57 years old, a retired lawyer --
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57 vjeç, avokat ne pension --
04:36
who had joined the writers group at Sarah Lawrence
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i cili kishte hyre ne grupin e shkrimtareve te Sarah Lawrence
04:39
where he found his writer's voice.
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ku gjeti zerin e tij te shkrimeve.
04:42
Two years later,
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Dy vite me pas,
04:44
he was diagnosed with ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease.
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u diagnostikua me semundjen e ashtuquajtur Lou Gehrig (ALS).
04:47
It's a terrible disease. It's fatal.
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Eshte nje semundje e tmerrshme. Eshte fatale.
04:50
It wastes the body, but the mind remains intact.
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Shkaterron trupin, por truri mbetet i paprekur.
04:54
In this article, Mr. Selinger wrote the following
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Ne kete artikull, Z. Selinger shkroi keto rreshta
04:57
to describe what was happening to him.
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per te pershkruar se çfare po i ndodhte.
05:00
And I quote,
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Po i lexoj,
05:03
"As my muscles weakened,
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"Ndersa muskujt e mi dobesoheshin,
05:05
my writing became stronger.
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shkrimi im forcohej.
05:08
As I slowly lost my speech,
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Ndersa dalengadale humba mundesine te flas,
05:11
I gained my voice.
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fitova zerin tim.
05:14
As I diminished, I grew.
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Ndersa tkurresha, u rrita.
05:16
As I lost so much,
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Ndersa humba shume,
05:18
I finally started to find myself."
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fillova me se fundi te gjeja vetveten."
05:22
Neil Selinger, to me,
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Neil Selinger per mua,
05:24
is the embodiment of mounting the staircase
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eshte personifikimi i shkalles qe ngjitet
05:27
in his third act.
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drejt aktit te tij te trete.
05:30
Now we're all born with spirit, all of us,
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Tani ne te gjithe kemi lindur me nje shpirt,
05:32
but sometimes it gets tamped down
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por disa here ndodh qe ai te bjere poshte
05:35
beneath the challenges of life,
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ne sfidat e ndryshme te jetes,
05:37
violence, abuse, neglect.
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dhunes, abuzimit, neglizhences.
05:40
Perhaps our parents suffered from depression.
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Ndoshta prinderit tane vuanin nga depresioni.
05:42
Perhaps they weren't able to love us
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Ndoshta ata nuk ishin ne gjendje te na donin
05:44
beyond how we performed in the world.
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me teper se ajo çka ne vlenim ne kete bote.
05:48
Perhaps we still suffer
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Mbase ne vuajme perseri
05:50
from a psychic pain, a wound.
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nga dhimbja fizike, nje plage.
05:52
Perhaps we feel that many of our relationships have not had closure.
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Mbase e ndjejme qe shume nga relatat tona nuk kane patur nje mbarim real.
05:56
And so we can feel unfinished.
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Dhe ne kete menyre ndihemi te pakompletuar.
06:00
Perhaps the task of the third act
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Mbase detyra e aktit te trete
06:03
is to finish up the task of finishing ourselves.
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eshte pikerisht permbyllja e detyres se kompletimit tone.
06:08
For me, it began as I was approaching my third act,
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Per mua, filloi ndersa po i afrohesha aktit tim te trete,
06:12
my 60th birthday.
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ne 60 vjetorin tim.
06:14
How was I supposed to live it?
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Si duhet ta jetoja ate?
06:16
What was I supposed to accomplish in this final act?
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Cfare duhet te realizoja ne kete akt final?
06:19
And I realized that, in order to know where I was going,
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Atehere kuptova se ne menyre qe te dija se ku po shkoja,
06:23
I had to know where I'd been.
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duhet te dija mire se ku kisha qene me pare.
06:25
And so I went back
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Keshtu qe u ktheva prapsht
06:27
and I studied my first two acts,
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dhe studiova aktet e mia te para,
06:29
trying to see who I was then,
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dhe u perpoqa te shikoja se kush kisha qene atehere,
06:32
who I really was --
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kush isha vertete ---
06:34
not who my parents or other people told me I was,
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jo ate ç'ka me thonin familjaret e miqte e mi se isha,
06:37
or treated me like I was.
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ose si me konsideronin ata.
06:39
But who was I? Who were my parents --
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Kush isha une? Cilet ishin prinderit e mi --
06:41
not as parents, but as people?
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jo si prinder, por si njerez?
06:44
Who were my grandparents?
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Cilet ishin gjysherit e mi?
06:46
How did they treat my parents?
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Si i trajtuan ata prinderit e mi?
06:48
These kinds of things.
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Gjera te tilla.
06:51
I discovered a couple of years later
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Dhe pas nja dy vitesh zbulova
06:54
that this process that I had gone through
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se ky proçes qe kisha pershkuar
06:57
is called by psychologists
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quhet nga psikologet
06:59
"doing a life review."
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"te besh nje rishikim te jetes".
07:01
And they say it can give new significance
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Dhe thone se mund ti japi serish rendesi,
07:03
and clarity and meaning
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qartesi dhe kuptim
07:05
to a person's life.
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jetes se nje njeriu.
07:07
You may discover, as I did,
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Dhe mbase do te zbuloni, ashtu siç bera dhe une,
07:10
that a lot of things that you used to think were your fault,
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se shume gjera qe mendonit me pare jane te gabuara,
07:13
a lot of things you used to think about yourself,
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shume gjera qe mendonit per veten,
07:16
really had nothing to do with you.
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realisht nuk kane fare lidhje me ju.
07:19
It wasn't your fault; you're just fine.
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Nuk e keni ju fajin: Ju jeni ne rregull.
07:22
And you're able to go back
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Dhe tani mund te ktheheni prapa
07:24
and forgive them
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dhe ti falni ata
07:26
and forgive yourself.
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dhe veten tuaj.
07:28
You're able to free yourself
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Jeni ne gjendje te çlironi veten
07:31
from your past.
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nga e kaluara.
07:33
You can work to change
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Mund te ndryshoni
07:35
your relationship to your past.
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lidhjen tuaj me te kaluaren.
07:37
Now while I was writing about this,
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Dhe ndersa po shkruaja per kete studim,
07:39
I came upon a book called "Man's Search for Meaning"
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me ra ne duar libri me titull "Kerkimi i njeriut per Kuptimin"
07:42
by Viktor Frankl.
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i Viktor Frankl.
07:44
Viktor Frankl was a German psychiatrist
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Viktor Frankl ishte nje psikiater gjerman,
07:47
who'd spent five years in a Nazi concentration camp.
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qe kishte jetuar 5 vite ne nje kamp perqendrimi nazist.
07:50
And he wrote that, while he was in the camp,
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Dhe ai ka shkruar se ndersa ishte ne kamp,
07:53
he could tell, should they ever be released,
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ai ishte ne gjendje te identifikonte,
07:57
which of the people would be okay
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se cilet njerez do te ishin mire pasi te dilnin nga kampi,
07:59
and which would not.
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dhe cilet do te vuanin.
08:01
And he wrote this:
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Dhe shkroi keto fjali:
08:06
"Everything you have in life can be taken from you
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"Cdo gje qe keni ne jete mund t'jua marrin,
08:09
except one thing,
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perveç nje gjeje,
08:11
your freedom to choose
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lirine tuaj per te zgjedhur
08:13
how you will respond
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se si te reagoni
08:15
to the situation.
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ndaj nje situate.
08:17
This is what determines
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Kjo eshte ajo çka percakton
08:19
the quality of the life we've lived --
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cilesine e jetes qe keni jetuar --
08:21
not whether we've been rich or poor,
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jo faktin nese keni qene te pasur apo te varfer,
08:23
famous or unknown,
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te famshem apo te panjohur,
08:25
healthy or suffering.
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te shendetshem apo te pervuajtur.
08:27
What determines our quality of life
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Ajo çka percakton cilesine e jetes sone
08:30
is how we relate to these realities,
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varet nga menyra se si ne lidhemi me keto realitete,
08:33
what kind of meaning we assign them,
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nga kuptimi qe u japim ne atyre,
08:35
what kind of attitude we cling to about them,
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nga qendrimi qe mbajme ndaj tyre,
08:38
what state of mind we allow them to trigger."
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dhe gjendja mendore qe ne u lejojme te na çojne keto realitete."
08:42
Perhaps the central purpose of the third act
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Mbase qellimi kryesor i aktit te trete
08:45
is to go back and to try, if appropriate,
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eshte pikerisht qe te kthehemi prapsht, nese eshte e mundur,
08:49
to change our relationship
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per te ndryshuar lidhjen
08:51
to the past.
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qe kemi me te kaluaren.
08:53
It turns out that cognitive research shows
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Eshte vene re se kerkimi per te njohur tregon
08:56
when we are able to do this,
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se kur jemi ne gjendje ta bejme kete gje,
08:58
it manifests neurologically --
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shfaqet ne menyre neurologjike --
09:01
neural pathways are created in the brain.
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se ne tru jane krijuar rruge neutrale.
09:04
You see, if you have, over time,
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Me kalimin e kohes, ju jeni ne gjendje te shikoni,
09:06
reacted negatively to past events and people,
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nese keni reaguar negativisht ne te kaluaren ndaj ngjarjeve ose njerezve,
09:09
neural pathways are laid down
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rruget neutrale percaktohen
09:12
by chemical and electrical signals that are sent through the brain.
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nga sinjalet kimike ose elektrike qe dergon truri.
09:15
And over time, these neural pathways become hardwired,
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Dhe me kalimin e kohes, keto rruge neutrale behen me te fuqishme,
09:18
they become the norm --
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dhe kthehen ne nje rregull --
09:20
even if it's bad for us
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dhe pse e gjithe kjo nuk eshte pozitive per ne
09:22
because it causes us stress and anxiety.
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sepse na shkakton stres dhe ankth.
09:25
If however,
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Gjithesesi nese,
09:27
we can go back and alter our relationship,
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ne mund te kthehemi prapsht dhe te ndryshojme marredheniet tona
09:31
re-vision our relationship
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pra ti rishikojme keto marredhenie
09:33
to past people and events,
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me njerezit dhe ngjarjet e se shkuares
09:35
neural pathways can change.
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keto rruge neutrale mund te ndryshojne.
09:37
And if we can maintain
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Dhe nese mund te mbajme
09:39
the more positive feelings about the past,
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gjithnje nje qendrim pozitiv ndaj te kaluares,
09:42
that becomes the new norm.
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ky behet me kohen rregulli i ri.
09:44
It's like resetting a thermostat.
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Eshte tamam sikur rregullon nje termostat.
09:47
It's not having experiences
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Nuk jane eksperiencat
09:50
that make us wise,
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qe na bejne te mençur,
09:53
it's reflecting on the experiences that we've had
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por eshte reflektimi mbi keto eksperienca qe kemi patur
09:57
that makes us wise --
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qe na mençuron --
09:59
and that helps us become whole,
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dhe kjo na ndihmon te gjitheve ne teresi,
10:01
brings wisdom and authenticity.
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na sjell mençuri e origjinalitet.
10:03
It helps us become what we might have been.
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Na ndihmon te behemi çka mund te kishim qene.
10:07
Women start off whole, don't we?
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Ne grate jemi nismetare, apo jo?
10:09
I mean, as girls, we start off feisty -- "Yeah, who says?"
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Dua te them se ne vajzeri, nisim gjerat me energji --- "Po, kush thote?"
10:12
We have agency.
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Ne kemi agjensi.
10:14
We are the subjects of our own lives.
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Jemi subjektet e jetes sone.
10:16
But very often,
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Por shume shpesh,
10:18
many, if not most of us, when we hit puberty,
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shume, mbase pjesa me e madhe e te gjitheve ne, kur kalojme ne pubertet,
10:21
we start worrying about fitting in and being popular.
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fillojme te shqetesohemi per te qene pjese e grupit dhe per tu bere popullor.
10:24
And we become the subjects and objects of other people's lives.
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Dhe fillojme te behemi subjekte dhe objekte te jetes se njerezve te tjere.
10:28
But now, in our third acts,
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Por tani, ne aktin e trete te jetes sone,
10:31
it may be possible
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mund te jete e mundshme
10:33
for us to circle back to where we started
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qe ne te kthehemi aty ku e nisem rrugen
10:36
and know it for the first time.
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dhe ta njohim ate per here te pare.
10:38
And if we can do that,
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Dhe nese arrijme te bejme kete,
10:41
it will not just be for ourselves.
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nuk do te jete vetem per veten tone.
10:44
Older women
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Njerezit e vjeter
10:46
are the largest demographic in the world.
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jane popullata me e madhe ne bote.
10:48
If we can go back and redefine ourselves
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Nese ne mund te kthehemi prapsh e te ripercaktojme veten tone
10:51
and become whole,
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dhe te kompletohemi,
10:53
this will create a cultural shift in the world,
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kjo do te krijonte nje permiresim kulturor ne te gjithe boten,
10:58
and it will give an example to younger generations
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dhe do te ishte nje shembull i rendesishem dhe per gjeneratat me te reja
11:01
so that they can reconceive their own lifespan.
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ne menyre qe ta rishikojne jeten me sy te tjere.
11:04
Thank you very much.
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Shume faleminderit.
11:06
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jane Fonda - Actor and activistJane Fonda has had three extraordinary careers (so far): Oscar-winning actor, fitness guru, impassioned activist.
Why you should listen
Jane Fonda is an actor, author, producer and activist supporting environmental issues, peace and female empowerment. She founded the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention, and established the Jane Fonda Center for Adolescent Reproductive Health at Emory. She cofounded the Women’s Media Center, and sits on the board of V-Day, a global effort to stop violence against women and girls.
Fonda's remarkable screen and stage career includes two Best Actress Oscars, an Emmy, a Tony Award nomination and an Honorary Palme d’Or from the Cannes Film Festival. Offstage, she revolutionized the fitness industry in the 1980s with Jane Fonda’s Workout — the all-time top-grossing home video. She has written a best-selling memoir, My Life So Far, and Prime Time, a comprehensive guide to living life to the fullest.
Jane Fonda | Speaker | TED.com