Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
סלסט האדלי: 10 דרכים בהן תוכל להיות לנו שיחות טובות יותר
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
unfriended someone on Facebook
about politics or religion,
בקשר לפוליטיקה או דת,
know at least one person that you avoid
שאתם נמנעים ממנו
to talk to them?
to have a polite conversation,
כדי שתהיה שיחה מנומסת,
של הנרי היגינס ב "גבירתי הנאווה":
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
והתנגדות לחיסונים, הנושאים האלו --
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
יש פוטנציאל להתפתח לויכוח,
to devolve into an argument,
לא יכולים לדבר אחד עם השני
can't speak to one another
for it and against it, it's not normal.
גם בעד זה וגם נגד זה, זה לא נורמלי.
of 10,000 American adults,
של 10,000 אמריקאים בוגרים,
we are more polarized,
not listening to each other.
who our friends are going to be,
we're not listening to each other.
between talking and listening,
we lost that balance.
either have in your hands
grab them really quickly.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
שולחים יותר ממאה טקסטים ביום.
are more likely to text their friends
או כמעט כולם ישלחו טקסט לחבריהם
to them face to face.
named Paul Barnwell.
בשם פול בארנוול.
a communication project.
on a specific subject without using notes.
על נושאים ספציפיים בלי שימוש ברשימות.
that conversational competence
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
שאנחנו נכשלים בללמד.
with ideas and each other through screens,
עם רעיונות ועמיתים דרך מסכים,
communications skills.
but we have to ask ourselves:
אבל אנחנו צריכים לשאול את עצמנו:
coherent, confident conversation?"
להחזיק שיחות ברורות ובטוחות?"
I talk to people that I don't like.
אני מדברת עם אנשים שאני לא אוהבת.
deeply on a personal level.
שאני לא מסכימה איתם עמוקות ברמה אישית.
a great conversation with them.
or so teaching you how to talk
בללמד אתכם איך לדבר
a lot of advice on this,
to discuss in advance,
that you're paying attention,
כדי להראות שאתם מקשיבים,
or summarize it.
how to show you're paying attention
same skills as a professional interviewer
how to interview people,
learn how to be better conversationalists.
איך להיות בני שיח טובים יותר.
without getting bored,
בלי להשתעמם,
without offending anybody.
We know what it's like.
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
מרותק ומלא השראה
like you've made a real connection
can't be like that.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
אני אסביר לכם את כולם,
one of them and master it,
בוחרים אחד מהם ושולטים בו,
just set down your cell phone
or whatever is in your hand.
או מה שזה לא יהיה בידכם.
you had with your boss.
שהיה לכם עם הבוס שלכם.
you're going to have for dinner.
of the conversation,
and half out of it.
or argument or pushback or growth,
או דחיפה או גדילה,
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
למה אני לא מאפשרת מומחים בתוכנית שלי:
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
את אובמה ובולי מזון והפלות.
and Dick Cheney.
assuming that you have something to learn.
בהנחה שיש לכם משהו ללמוד.
a setting aside of oneself.
setting aside your personal opinion.
את הדעה האישית שלך.
less and less vulnerable
to open up the inner recesses
something to learn.
knows something that you don't."
יודע משהו שאתם לא."
what, when, where, why or how.
מה, מתי, איפה, למה או איך.
you're going to get a simple answer out.
אתם תקבלו תשובות פשוטות.
powerful word in that sentence,
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
"כן, הייתי" או "לא, לא הייתי."
They're the ones that know.
"What was that like?"
for a moment and think about it,
הם יצטרכו לעצור ולחשוב על זה,
a much more interesting response.
will come into your mind
go out of your mind.
for several minutes
and asks a question
or it's already been answered.
או שהיא כבר נענתה.
stopped listening two minutes ago
הפסיק להקשיב לפני שתי דקות
of this really clever question,
and determined to say that.
a conversation with someone,
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
את היו ג'קמן בבית קפה.
are going to come to you.
say that you don't know.
תגידו שאתם לא יודעים.
especially on NPR,
that they're going on the record,
about what they claim to be an expert in
למה שהם טוענים להיות מומחים בו
your experience with theirs.
about having lost a family member,
you lost a family member.
בו אתם איבדתם בן משפחה.
they're having at work,
how much you hate your job.
שונאים את העבודה שלכם.
זה אף פעם לא אותו הדבר.
it is not about you.
to prove how amazing you are
כדי להוכיח כמה אתם מדהימים
what his IQ was, and he said,
פעם מה ה IQ שלו, והוא אמר,
about their IQs are losers."
בנוגע ל IQ שלהם הם לוזרים."
a promotional opportunity.
and it's really boring,
or in conversations with our kids,
over and over.
לנסח את זה מחדש שוב ושוב.
to come up with in your mind.
What they care about is you.
but it is the most important one.
really important people have said
כמה אנשים באמת חשובים אמרו
the number one most important skill
you're not learning."
ever listened his way out of a job."
לא הקשיב את עצמו מחוץ לעבודתו."
I'm not interested in.
שום דבר שלא מעניין אותי.
at about 225 word per minute,
500 words per minute.
לעד 500 מילים בדקה.
those other 275 words.
it takes effort and energy
you're not in a conversation.
אתם לא בשיחה.
barely related sentences
שצועקים משפטים שבקושי קשורים
with the intent to understand.
and it's this one: Be brief.
short enough to retain interest,
קצרה מספיק כדי לשמור על עניין,
the subject. -- My Sister]
כדי לכסות את הנושא. -- אחותי]
basic concept, and it is this one:
with a very famous grandfather,
to talk to my grandparents,
my mother would come over to us,
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
amazing thing about them.
it's what makes me a better host.
מה שעושה אותי למנחה טובה.
as often as I possibly can,
be prepared to be amazed.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com