TEDxCreativeCoast
Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
Seleste Hedlija: 10 veidi, kā uzlabot sarunu
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Ja darbs ir atkarīgs no tā, cik labi protat sarunāties, tad par sarunu iemācāties ļoti daudz, un saprotat, ka vairums no mums īsti labi to neprot. Seleste Hedlija gadu desmitiem ir strādājusi par radio programmu vadītāju un zina, kas veido labu sarunu: godīgums, kodolīgums, skaidrība un veselīgi daudz klausīšanās. Šajā pamācošajā runā viņa dalās ar 10 noderīgiem likumiem labākām sarunām. "Meklējiet citus, runājiet ar tiem, klausieties," viņa saka. "Un par visu svarīgāk – esiet gatavi apbrīnot."
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio host
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
All right, I want to see a show of hands:
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Es vēlos, lai rokas paceļ tie,
kas kādu ir bloķējuši Facebook tādēļ,
00:14
how many of you have
unfriended someone on Facebook
unfriended someone on Facebook
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00:17
because they said something offensive
about politics or religion,
about politics or religion,
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ka tas pateicis kaut ko aizskarošu
par politiku vai reliģiju,
par politiku vai reliģiju,
00:21
childcare, food?
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bērnu audzināšanu, ēdienu?
00:23
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
00:25
And how many of you
know at least one person that you avoid
know at least one person that you avoid
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Un cik no jums pazīst kaut vienu cilvēku,
no kura jūs izvairāties,
jo vienkārši negribat ar viņu runāt?
jo vienkārši negribat ar viņu runāt?
00:28
because you just don't want
to talk to them?
to talk to them?
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00:30
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
00:32
You know, it used to be that in order
to have a polite conversation,
to have a polite conversation,
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Savulaik, lai saruna būtu pieklājīga,
vajadzēja tikai sekot Henrija Higinsa
padomam no "Mana skaistā lēdija":
padomam no "Mana skaistā lēdija":
00:36
we just had to follow the advice
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
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turieties pie laika apstākļiem
un savas veselības.
un savas veselības.
00:39
Stick to the weather and your health.
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Bet tagad, klimata izmaiņu
un antivakcinēšanas kustības laikā...
un antivakcinēšanas kustības laikā...
00:41
But these days, with climate change
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
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(Smiekli)
00:44
(Laughter)
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šīs tēmas arī vairs nav drošas.
00:46
are not safe either.
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00:47
So this world that we live in,
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Tā nu mūsu pasaule,
00:50
this world in which every conversation
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šī pasaule, kurā katra saruna
00:53
has the potential
to devolve into an argument,
to devolve into an argument,
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draud pārvērsties strīdā,
00:55
where our politicians
can't speak to one another
can't speak to one another
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kurā politiķi nespēj
viens ar otru sarunāties
viens ar otru sarunāties
00:57
and where even the most trivial of issues
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un kurā pat visnenozīmīgākajām lietām
00:59
have someone fighting both passionately
for it and against it, it's not normal.
for it and against it, it's not normal.
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ir gan kaismīgi atbalstītāji,
gan noliedzēji – tas nav normāli.
gan noliedzēji – tas nav normāli.
Pew Research veica pētījumu
ar 10 000 amerikāņu pieaugušajiem
ar 10 000 amerikāņu pieaugušajiem
01:04
Pew Research did a study
of 10,000 American adults,
of 10,000 American adults,
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01:08
and they found that at this moment,
we are more polarized,
we are more polarized,
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un secināja, ka šobrīd
mēs esam vairāk polarizēti,
mēs esam vairāk polarizēti,
01:10
we are more divided,
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vairāk sašķelti
01:12
than we ever have been in history.
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nekā jelkad visā vēstures gaitā.
01:14
We're less likely to compromise,
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Mēs mazāk esam gatavi kompromisiem,
01:16
which means we're
not listening to each other.
not listening to each other.
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kas nozīmē to, ka viens otrā neklausāmies.
01:18
And we make decisions about where to live,
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Un mēs lemjam par to, kur dzīvot,
01:21
who to marry and even
who our friends are going to be,
who our friends are going to be,
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ko precēt un pat ar ko draudzēties,
01:23
based on what we already believe.
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balstoties uz saviem
jau esošajiem uzskatiem.
jau esošajiem uzskatiem.
01:26
Again, that means
we're not listening to each other.
we're not listening to each other.
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Tas vēlreiz nozīmē,
ka viens otrā neklausāmies.
ka viens otrā neklausāmies.
01:29
A conversation requires a balance
between talking and listening,
between talking and listening,
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Sarunā vajadzīgs līdzsvars
starp runāšanu un klausīšanos,
starp runāšanu un klausīšanos,
01:32
and somewhere along the way,
we lost that balance.
we lost that balance.
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un kaut kur laika gaitā
mēs šo līdzsvaru esam pazaudējuši.
mēs šo līdzsvaru esam pazaudējuši.
01:35
Now, part of that is due to technology.
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Daļēji tas ir noticis tehnoloģiju dēļ.
01:37
The smartphones that you all
either have in your hands
either have in your hands
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Viedtālruņi, kas visiem ir vai nu rokās,
vai pietiekoši tuvu,
lai varētu ātri pēc tiem pastiepties.
lai varētu ātri pēc tiem pastiepties.
01:39
or close enough that you could
grab them really quickly.
grab them really quickly.
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Pēc Pew Research teiktā
01:42
According to Pew Research,
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aptuveni trešdaļa amerikāņu pusaudžu
nosūta vairāk nekā simts īsziņu dienā.
nosūta vairāk nekā simts īsziņu dienā.
01:43
about a third of American teenagers
send more than a hundred texts a day.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
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01:48
And many of them, almost most of them,
are more likely to text their friends
are more likely to text their friends
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Un daudzi no viņiem, gandrīz visi,
draugam drīzāk nosūta ziņu
draugam drīzāk nosūta ziņu
01:53
than they are to talk
to them face to face.
to them face to face.
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nekā uzsāk tiešu sarunu.
Žurnālā The Atlantic ir lielisks raksts,
01:56
There's this great piece in The Atlantic.
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tā autors ir vidusskolas skolotājs
vārdā Pols Barnvels.
vārdā Pols Barnvels.
01:58
It was written by a high school teacher
named Paul Barnwell.
named Paul Barnwell.
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Viņš uzdeva skolēniem
komunikācijas projektu.
komunikācijas projektu.
02:01
And he gave his kids
a communication project.
a communication project.
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Viņš gribēja tiem iemācīt, kā runāt
par kādu tēmu bez pierakstiem.
par kādu tēmu bez pierakstiem.
02:03
He wanted to teach them how to speak
on a specific subject without using notes.
on a specific subject without using notes.
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Un viņš teica, lūk, ko: "Esmu sapratis..."
02:06
And he said this: "I came to realize..."
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02:08
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
02:12
"I came to realize
that conversational competence
that conversational competence
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"Esmu sapratis, ka sarunāšanās prasme
02:15
might be the single
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
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varētu būt visnenovērtētākā no prasmēm,
ko mēs nespējam iemācīt.
ko mēs nespējam iemācīt.
02:19
Kids spend hours each day engaging
with ideas and each other through screens,
with ideas and each other through screens,
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Bērni stundām ilgi komunicē ar idejām
un vienaudžiem caur ekrānu,
un vienaudžiem caur ekrānu,
02:23
but rarely do they have an opportunity
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bet tiem reti rodas iespēja
02:25
to hone their interpersonal
communications skills.
communications skills.
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attīstīt savstarpējās
komunikācijas prasmes.
komunikācijas prasmes.
02:28
It might sound like a funny question,
but we have to ask ourselves:
but we have to ask ourselves:
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Tas varētu izklausīties smieklīgi,
bet mums pašiem sev jājautā:
bet mums pašiem sev jājautā:
02:31
Is there any 21st-century skill
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vai 21. gadsimtā ir vēl kāda prasme,
02:33
more important than being able to sustain
coherent, confident conversation?"
coherent, confident conversation?"
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kas būtu svarīgāka par saprotamas,
pārliecinātas sarunas uzturēšanu?"
pārliecinātas sarunas uzturēšanu?"
02:39
Now, I make my living talking to people:
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Sarunāšanās ar cilvēkiem
ir mans maizes darbs:
ir mans maizes darbs:
02:41
Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers,
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es runāju ar Nobela prēmiju ieguvējiem,
šoferiem, miljardieriem,
bērnudārzu audzinātājiem,
bērnudārzu audzinātājiem,
02:43
billionaires, kindergarten teachers,
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02:46
heads of state, plumbers.
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valstu vadītājiem, santehniķiem.
02:48
I talk to people that I like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
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Es runāju gan ar tādiem, kas man patīk,
gan ar tādiem, kas nepatīk.
gan ar tādiem, kas nepatīk.
02:51
I talk to some people that I disagree with
deeply on a personal level.
deeply on a personal level.
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Es runāju ar dažiem,
kuriem dziļi personiski nepiekrītu.
kuriem dziļi personiski nepiekrītu.
02:55
But I still have
a great conversation with them.
a great conversation with them.
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Bet tomēr mums ir lieliska saruna.
02:58
So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes
or so teaching you how to talk
or so teaching you how to talk
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Tāpēc nākamās 10 minūtes
vēlos jūs pamācīt, kā runāt
vēlos jūs pamācīt, kā runāt
03:02
and how to listen.
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un kā klausīties.
Daudzi no jums jau ir dzirdējuši
daudz tamlīdzīgu padomu,
daudz tamlīdzīgu padomu,
03:04
Many of you have already heard
a lot of advice on this,
a lot of advice on this,
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03:07
things like look the person in the eye,
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kā, piemēram, skatīties acīs,
03:09
think of interesting topics
to discuss in advance,
to discuss in advance,
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iepriekš izdomāt
interesantas sarunas tēmas,
interesantas sarunas tēmas,
03:13
look, nod and smile to show
that you're paying attention,
that you're paying attention,
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skatīties, māt un smaidīt,
lai parādītu, ka klausāties,
lai parādītu, ka klausāties,
03:18
repeat back what you just heard
or summarize it.
or summarize it.
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atkārtot un apkopot dzirdēto.
03:21
So I want you to forget all of that.
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Gribu, lai jūs to visu aizmirstat.
03:22
It is crap.
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Tās ir muļķības.
03:24
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
03:27
There is no reason to learn
how to show you're paying attention
how to show you're paying attention
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Nevajag mācīties izrādīt, ka klausāties,
03:31
if you are in fact paying attention.
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ja jūs patiešām klausāties.
03:35
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
03:36
(Applause)
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(Aplausi)
03:39
Now, I actually use the exact
same skills as a professional interviewer
same skills as a professional interviewer
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Kā profesionāla intervētāja
es izmantoju tieši tās pašas prasmes,
es izmantoju tieši tās pašas prasmes,
03:43
that I do in regular life.
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kas man vajadzīgas ikdienas dzīvē.
03:46
So, I'm going to teach you
how to interview people,
how to interview people,
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Tāpēc es jūs pamācīšu, kā intervēt,
03:49
and that's actually going to help you
learn how to be better conversationalists.
learn how to be better conversationalists.
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un tas jums palīdzēs kļūt
par labākiem sarunas uzturētājiem.
par labākiem sarunas uzturētājiem.
03:53
Learn to have a conversation
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Mācieties sarunāties,
03:55
without wasting your time,
without getting bored,
without getting bored,
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netērējot laiku, negarlaikojoties,
03:57
and, please God,
without offending anybody.
without offending anybody.
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un, Dieva dēļ, neaizvainojot kādu.
04:00
We've all had really great conversations.
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Mums visiem ir bijušas lieliskas sarunas.
04:03
We've had them before.
We know what it's like.
We know what it's like.
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Mums tādas ir bijušas.
Mēs zinām, kā tas ir.
Mēs zinām, kā tas ir.
Tādas sarunas, pēc kurām
jūtaties iesaistīti un iedvesmoti
jūtaties iesaistīti un iedvesmoti
04:05
The kind of conversation where you
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
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04:09
or where you feel
like you've made a real connection
like you've made a real connection
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vai pēc kurām jūtat,
ka esat patiešām satuvinājušies ar otru
vai jūs ir pilnībā sapratuši.
vai jūs ir pilnībā sapratuši.
04:11
or you've been perfectly understood.
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04:13
There is no reason
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Nav iemesla,
04:14
why most of your interactions
can't be like that.
can't be like that.
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kāpēc visas jūsu saskarsmes
nevarētu būt tādas.
nevarētu būt tādas.
04:18
So I have 10 basic rules.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
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Tāpēc man ir 10 pamatlikumi.
Es tos visus uzskaitīšu,
bet, godīgi sakot,
ja izvēlaties vienu un izkopjat to,
ja izvēlaties vienu un izkopjat to,
04:21
but honestly, if you just choose
one of them and master it,
one of them and master it,
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04:25
you'll already enjoy better conversations.
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jūs jau baudīsiet labākas sarunas.
Pirmais: nedariet vairākus
darbus vienlaikus.
darbus vienlaikus.
04:27
Number one: Don't multitask.
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Ar to es nedomāju,
ka vienkārši jāliek mierā telefons
ka vienkārši jāliek mierā telefons
04:30
And I don't mean
just set down your cell phone
just set down your cell phone
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04:32
or your tablet or your car keys
or whatever is in your hand.
or whatever is in your hand.
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vai planšete, vai auto atslēgas,
vai kas nu jums ir rokās.
vai kas nu jums ir rokās.
04:35
I mean, be present.
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Es saku – esiet klātesoši!
04:37
Be in that moment.
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Esiet tajā brīdī.
04:39
Don't think about your argument
you had with your boss.
you had with your boss.
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Nedomājiet par strīdu ar savu priekšnieku.
04:42
Don't think about what
you're going to have for dinner.
you're going to have for dinner.
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Nedomājiet, ko ēdīsiet vakariņās.
Ja vēlaties izbeigt sarunu,
04:44
If you want to get out
of the conversation,
of the conversation,
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tad izbeidziet to,
04:46
get out of the conversation,
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bet neesiet tajā pa pusei.
04:48
but don't be half in it
and half out of it.
and half out of it.
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04:50
Number two: Don't pontificate.
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Otrais: nesprediķojiet.
04:52
If you want to state your opinion
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Ja vēlaties izteikt viedokli
04:55
without any opportunity for response
or argument or pushback or growth,
or argument or pushback or growth,
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nepieļaujot atbildes, strīdus,
negācijas vai attīstību,
negācijas vai attīstību,
05:01
write a blog.
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rakstiet blogu!
05:02
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
05:05
Now, there's a really good reason
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
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Savā programmā es nelaižu ekspertus,
un tam ir ļoti labs iemesls:
un tam ir ļoti labs iemesls:
05:09
Because they're really boring.
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jo viņi ir ļoti garlaicīgi.
05:10
If they're conservative, they're going to
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
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Ja tie ir konservatīvi, tad ienīst
Obamu un pārtikas kartītes, un abortus.
Obamu un pārtikas kartītes, un abortus.
Ja liberāli, tad ienīst lielas bankas
un naftas kompānijas, un Diku Čeiniju.
un naftas kompānijas, un Diku Čeiniju.
05:14
If they're liberal, they're going to hate
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05:16
big banks and oil corporations
and Dick Cheney.
and Dick Cheney.
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05:18
Totally predictable.
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Pilnīgi paredzami.
05:20
And you don't want to be like that.
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Un jūs tādi negribat būt.
05:21
You need to enter every conversation
assuming that you have something to learn.
assuming that you have something to learn.
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Katra saruna jāuzsāk ar domu,
ka kaut ko iemācīsieties.
ka kaut ko iemācīsieties.
05:27
The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said
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Pazīstamais terapeits
M. Skots Peks ir teicis,
M. Skots Peks ir teicis,
05:29
that true listening requires
a setting aside of oneself.
a setting aside of oneself.
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ka īstena klausīšanās prasa
sevis nolikšanu malā.
sevis nolikšanu malā.
05:34
And sometimes that means
setting aside your personal opinion.
setting aside your personal opinion.
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Un dažreiz tas nozīmē nolikt malā
savu personisko viedokli.
savu personisko viedokli.
05:38
He said that sensing this acceptance,
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Viņš teica, ka, sajūtot šādu pieņemšanu,
05:41
the speaker will become
less and less vulnerable
less and less vulnerable
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runātājs kļūs arvien mazāk ievainojams
05:43
and more and more likely
to open up the inner recesses
to open up the inner recesses
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un aizvien vairāk atvērs klausītājam
05:46
of his or her mind to the listener.
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savas personības slēptākās šķautnes.
05:49
Again, assume that you have
something to learn.
something to learn.
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Vēlreiz – pieņemiet,
ka jums kaut kas jāiemācās.
ka jums kaut kas jāiemācās.
05:52
Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet
knows something that you don't."
knows something that you don't."
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Bils Naijs: "Ikviens satiktais cilvēks
zina kaut ko, ko jūs nezināt."
zina kaut ko, ko jūs nezināt."
05:57
I put it this way:
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Es teiktu šādi:
05:58
Everybody is an expert in something.
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katrs ir eksperts kādā jomā.
06:03
Number three: Use open-ended questions.
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Trešais: uzdodiet atvērtus jautājumus.
06:06
In this case, take a cue from journalists.
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Šajā gadījumā
ņemiet piemēru no žurnālistiem.
ņemiet piemēru no žurnālistiem.
06:08
Start your questions with who,
what, when, where, why or how.
what, when, where, why or how.
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Sāciet jautājumu ar
kas, ko, kad, kur, kāpēc vai kā.
kas, ko, kad, kur, kāpēc vai kā.
06:11
If you put in a complicated question,
you're going to get a simple answer out.
you're going to get a simple answer out.
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Ja uzdodat sarežģītu jautājumu,
saņemsiet vienkāršu atbildi.
saņemsiet vienkāršu atbildi.
06:14
If I ask you, "Were you terrified?"
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Ja es jums jautāju, vai bijāt pārbijies,
06:17
you're going to respond to the most
powerful word in that sentence,
powerful word in that sentence,
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jūs atbildēsiet uz spēcīgāko
šī teikuma vārdu, kas ir "pārbijies",
šī teikuma vārdu, kas ir "pārbijies",
06:20
which is "terrified," and the answer is
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
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Un atbilde ir:
"Jā, biju" vai "Nē, nebiju."
"Jā, biju" vai "Nē, nebiju."
"Vai bijāt dusmīgs?" "Jā, ļoti dusmīgs."
06:23
"Were you angry?" "Yes, I was very angry."
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06:25
Let them describe it.
They're the ones that know.
They're the ones that know.
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Ļaujiet viņiem to aprakstīt,
viņi zina labāk.
viņi zina labāk.
06:28
Try asking them things like,
"What was that like?"
"What was that like?"
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Jautājiet kaut kā šādi: "Kā tas bija?"
06:31
"How did that feel?"
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"Kā jūs jutāties?"
06:33
Because then they might have to stop
for a moment and think about it,
for a moment and think about it,
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Jo tad viņi varētu uz brīdi
apstāties un padomāt,
apstāties un padomāt,
06:37
and you're going to get
a much more interesting response.
a much more interesting response.
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un jūs saņemsiet
daudz interesantāku atbildi.
daudz interesantāku atbildi.
06:40
Number four: Go with the flow.
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Ceturtais: peldiet pa straumi.
06:43
That means thoughts
will come into your mind
will come into your mind
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Tas nozīmē, ka jums ienāks prātā domas
06:46
and you need to let them
go out of your mind.
go out of your mind.
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un jums tās jālaiž ārā.
06:49
We've heard interviews often
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Bieži intervijās dzirdam,
06:51
in which a guest is talking
for several minutes
for several minutes
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kā viesis runā vairākas minūtes,
06:54
and then the host comes back in
and asks a question
and asks a question
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un tad ierunājas intervētājs
un uzdod jautājumu,
un uzdod jautājumu,
kas šķiet nāk no nez kurienes
vai arī jau ir atbildēts.
vai arī jau ir atbildēts.
06:56
which seems like it comes out of nowhere,
or it's already been answered.
or it's already been answered.
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Tas nozīmē, ka intervētājs droši vien
pārstājis klausīties pirms divām minūtēm,
pārstājis klausīties pirms divām minūtēm,
07:00
That means the host probably
stopped listening two minutes ago
stopped listening two minutes ago
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07:02
because he thought
of this really clever question,
of this really clever question,
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jo domājis par šo ļoti gudro jautājumu,
07:06
and he was just bound
and determined to say that.
and determined to say that.
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un viņam tas bija par katru cenu jāuzdod.
07:09
And we do the exact same thing.
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Un mēs darām tieši tāpat.
07:11
We're sitting there having
a conversation with someone,
a conversation with someone,
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Mēs sēžam, sarunājoties ar kādu,
un tad atceramies to reizi,
kad kafejnīcā satikām Hjū Džekmenu.
kad kafejnīcā satikām Hjū Džekmenu.
07:14
and then we remember that time
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
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07:17
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
07:18
And we stop listening.
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Un pārstājam klausīties.
07:20
Stories and ideas
are going to come to you.
are going to come to you.
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Stāsti un idejas jums nāks prātā.
07:22
You need to let them come and let them go.
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Jums jāļauj tām nākt un iet.
07:26
Number five: If you don't know,
say that you don't know.
say that you don't know.
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Piektais: ja nezināt,
tad sakiet, ka nezināt.
tad sakiet, ka nezināt.
07:30
Now, people on the radio,
especially on NPR,
especially on NPR,
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Cilvēki radio, īpaši nacionālajā radio,
07:33
are much more aware
that they're going on the record,
that they're going on the record,
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daudz vairāk apzinās, ka viņus ieraksta,
07:36
and so they're more careful
about what they claim to be an expert in
about what they claim to be an expert in
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tāpēc viņi ir uzmanīgāki ar jomām,
kurās uzdodas par ekspertiem,
kurās uzdodas par ekspertiem,
07:39
and what they claim to know for sure.
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un ar to, ko viņi droši apgalvo.
07:41
Do that. Err on the side of caution.
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Dariet tā! Labāk būt
lieku reizi piesardzīgam.
lieku reizi piesardzīgam.
07:44
Talk should not be cheap.
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Vārdiem jābūt pārdomātiem.
07:46
Number six: Don't equate
your experience with theirs.
your experience with theirs.
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Sestais: nesalīdziniet
savu pieredzi ar viņējo.
savu pieredzi ar viņējo.
07:51
If they're talking
about having lost a family member,
about having lost a family member,
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Ja viņi stāsta, kā zaudējuši
ģimenes locekli,
ģimenes locekli,
07:54
don't start talking about the time
you lost a family member.
you lost a family member.
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nesāciet stāstīt, kā arī jūs reiz
zaudējāt ģimenes locekli.
zaudējāt ģimenes locekli.
Ja viņi stāsta par nepatikšanām darbā,
07:56
If they're talking about the trouble
they're having at work,
they're having at work,
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nesakiet, cik ļoti
jūs ienīstat savu darbu.
jūs ienīstat savu darbu.
07:59
don't tell them about
how much you hate your job.
how much you hate your job.
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Tas nav tas pats. Tas nekad nav tas pats.
08:02
It's not the same. It is never the same.
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Viss pieredzētais ir individuāls.
08:04
All experiences are individual.
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08:05
And, more importantly,
it is not about you.
it is not about you.
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Un kas ir svarīgākais –
šis stāsts nav par jums.
šis stāsts nav par jums.
08:09
You don't need to take that moment
to prove how amazing you are
to prove how amazing you are
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Jums nav jāizmanto šis brīdis,
lai pierādītu, cik lielisks jūs esat
lai pierādītu, cik lielisks jūs esat
08:13
or how much you've suffered.
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vai cik ļoti esat cietis.
08:15
Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once
what his IQ was, and he said,
what his IQ was, and he said,
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Kāds reiz jautāja Stīvenam Hokingam,
kāds ir viņa IQ, un viņš teica:
kāds ir viņa IQ, un viņš teica:
08:18
"I have no idea. People who brag
about their IQs are losers."
about their IQs are losers."
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"Nav ne jausmas.
Tie, kas lielās ar IQ, ir neveiksminieki."
Tie, kas lielās ar IQ, ir neveiksminieki."
08:21
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
08:23
Conversations are not
a promotional opportunity.
a promotional opportunity.
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Sarunas nav domātas sevis reklamēšanai.
[Kā tev iet? Palasi manu blogu.
21. gadsimta saruna.]
21. gadsimta saruna.]
08:28
Number seven:
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Septītais:
08:31
Try not to repeat yourself.
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mēģiniet neatkārtoties.
08:32
It's condescending,
and it's really boring,
and it's really boring,
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Tas ir pazemojoši,
un tas ir ļoti garlaicīgi,
un tas ir ļoti garlaicīgi,
08:35
and we tend to do it a lot.
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un mēs to darām diezgan bieži,
08:36
Especially in work conversations
or in conversations with our kids,
or in conversations with our kids,
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jo sevišķi sarunās
ar darba biedriem vai ar bērniem.
ar darba biedriem vai ar bērniem.
08:40
we have a point to make,
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Mums kaut kas jāuzsver,
08:42
so we just keep rephrasing it
over and over.
over and over.
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tāpēc mēs to pārfrāzējam atkal un atkal.
08:45
Don't do that.
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Nedariet tā!
08:46
Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.
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Astotais: neiegrimstiet sīkumos.
08:49
Frankly, people don't care
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Godīgi sakot, citiem ir vienalga
08:52
about the years, the names,
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par gadskaitļiem, vārdiem,
08:54
the dates, all those details
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datumiem, visiem tiem sīkumiem,
08:56
that you're struggling
to come up with in your mind.
to come up with in your mind.
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ko jūs pūlaties atcerēties.
08:59
They don't care.
What they care about is you.
What they care about is you.
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Viņiem ir vienalga.
Viņiem interesējat jūs.
Viņiem interesējat jūs.
09:01
They care about what you're like,
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Viņiem interesē, kāds esat jūs,
kas jums ir kopīgs.
kas jums ir kopīgs.
09:04
what you have in common.
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09:05
So forget the details. Leave them out.
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Tāpēc aizmirstiet sīkumus! Izlaidiet tos!
09:08
Number nine:
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Devītais:
09:10
This is not the last one,
but it is the most important one.
but it is the most important one.
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Šis nav pēdējais, bet vissvarīgākais.
09:13
Listen.
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Ieklausieties!
Es nevaru vien beigt uzskaitīt,
cik daudz ļoti svarīgu cilvēku ir teikuši,
cik daudz ļoti svarīgu cilvēku ir teikuši,
09:14
I cannot tell you how many
really important people have said
really important people have said
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09:18
that listening is perhaps the most,
the number one most important skill
the number one most important skill
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ka klausīšanās droši vien
ir vissvarīgākā prasme,
ir vissvarīgākā prasme,
09:22
that you could develop.
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ko iespējams attīstīt.
09:23
Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing,
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Buda ir teicis, un es pārfrāzēšu:
09:25
"If your mouth is open,
you're not learning."
you're not learning."
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"Ja jūsu mute ir vaļā, jūs nemācāties."
09:28
And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man
ever listened his way out of a job."
ever listened his way out of a job."
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Un Kelvins Kūlidžs ir teicis: "Neviens
nekad nav zaudējis darbu klausoties."
nekad nav zaudējis darbu klausoties."
09:32
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
09:34
Why do we not listen to each other?
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Kāpēc mēs neklausāmies viens otrā?
09:36
Number one, we'd rather talk.
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Pirmkārt, tāpēc ka mums patīk runāt.
09:39
When I'm talking, I'm in control.
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Runājot es kontrolēju.
09:41
I don't have to hear anything
I'm not interested in.
I'm not interested in.
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Man nav jāklausās kaut kas,
kas mani neinteresē.
kas mani neinteresē.
09:43
I'm the center of attention.
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Es esmu uzmanības centrā.
09:45
I can bolster my own identity.
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Es varu apliecināt savu identitāti.
09:47
But there's another reason:
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Bet ir vēl viens iemesls:
09:48
We get distracted.
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mēs zaudējam uzmanību.
09:50
The average person talks
at about 225 word per minute,
at about 225 word per minute,
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Vidēji cilvēks izrunā
aptuveni 225 vārdus minūtē,
aptuveni 225 vārdus minūtē,
09:53
but we can listen at up to
500 words per minute.
500 words per minute.
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bet mēs spējam uztvert
ap 500 vārdiem minūtē.
ap 500 vārdiem minūtē.
09:57
So our minds are filling in
those other 275 words.
those other 275 words.
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Tāpēc mūsu prāts pievieno
atlikušos 275 vārdus.
atlikušos 275 vārdus.
10:01
And look, I know,
it takes effort and energy
it takes effort and energy
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Un es zinu, ka patiešām klausīties kādā
nav viegli un tas prasa piepūli,
nav viegli un tas prasa piepūli,
10:05
to actually pay attention to someone,
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10:07
but if you can't do that,
you're not in a conversation.
you're not in a conversation.
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bet, ja to nespējat, jūs nesarunājaties.
10:10
You're just two people shouting out
barely related sentences
barely related sentences
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Jūs esat divi cilvēki,
kas izmet gandrīz nesaistītas frāzes
kas izmet gandrīz nesaistītas frāzes
10:13
in the same place.
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viens otram blakus.
10:14
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
10:16
You have to listen to one another.
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Jums jāklausās vienam otrā.
10:19
Stephen Covey said it very beautifully.
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Stīvens Kovijs par to ir skaisti teicis:
10:20
He said, "Most of us don't listen
with the intent to understand.
with the intent to understand.
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"Vairums no mums klausās
nevis tādēļ, lai saprastu,
nevis tādēļ, lai saprastu,
10:24
We listen with the intent to reply."
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mēs klausāies, lai atbildētu."
10:28
One more rule, number 10,
and it's this one: Be brief.
and it's this one: Be brief.
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Vēl viens likums – desmitais –
un tas ir šāds: runājiet īsi.
un tas ir šāds: runājiet īsi.
[Laba saruna ir kā minisvārki;
pietiekoši īsa, lai saglabātu interesi,
pietiekoši īsa, lai saglabātu interesi,
10:32
[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;
short enough to retain interest,
short enough to retain interest,
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10:36
but long enough to cover
the subject. -- My Sister]
the subject. -- My Sister]
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bet pietiekoši gara, lai pārklātu sakāmo.
Mana māsa.]
Mana māsa.]
10:38
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
10:40
(Applause)
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(Aplausi)
10:42
All of this boils down to the same
basic concept, and it is this one:
basic concept, and it is this one:
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To visu var apkopot vienā
pamatprincipā, kas ir šāds:
pamatprincipā, kas ir šāds:
10:47
Be interested in other people.
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interesējieties par cilvēkiem.
10:50
You know, I grew up
with a very famous grandfather,
with a very famous grandfather,
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Ziniet, es uzaugu ar ļoti slavenu vectēvu,
10:52
and there was kind of a ritual in my home.
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un mūsu mājās bija tāds kā rituāls.
10:54
People would come over
to talk to my grandparents,
to talk to my grandparents,
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Daudzi pie mums nāca runāt
ar mūsu vecvecākiem,
ar mūsu vecvecākiem,
10:57
and after they would leave,
my mother would come over to us,
my mother would come over to us,
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un, kad viņi bija prom,
mana māte nāca pie mums un teica:
mana māte nāca pie mums un teica:
11:00
and she'd say, "Do you know who that was?
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"Ziniet, kas tie bija?
Viņa bija "Miss Amerika"
otrās vietas ieguvēja.
otrās vietas ieguvēja.
11:02
She was the runner-up to Miss America.
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11:03
He was the mayor of Sacramento.
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Viņš bija Sakramento mērs.
11:05
She won a Pulitzer Prize.
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
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Viņa ieguva Pulicera balvu.
Viņš ir krievu baletdejotājs."
Viņš ir krievu baletdejotājs."
11:08
And I kind of grew up assuming
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Es uzaugu, pieņemot,
11:12
everyone has some hidden,
amazing thing about them.
amazing thing about them.
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ka katrā cilvēkā ir kaut kas
apslēpts un pārsteidzošs.
apslēpts un pārsteidzošs.
Un, godīgi sakot, es domāju, ka tas mani
padara par labāku raidījumu vadītāju.
padara par labāku raidījumu vadītāju.
11:15
And honestly, I think
it's what makes me a better host.
it's what makes me a better host.
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11:19
I keep my mouth shut
as often as I possibly can,
as often as I possibly can,
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Cik vien varu, turu muti ciet
11:22
I keep my mind open,
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un prātu atvērtu,
11:23
and I'm always prepared to be amazed,
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un arvien esmu gatava
piedzīvot pārsteigumu,
piedzīvot pārsteigumu,
11:26
and I'm never disappointed.
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un nekad neviļos.
11:28
You do the same thing.
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Dariet tāpat!
11:30
Go out, talk to people,
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Ejiet, runājiet ar citiem,
11:33
listen to people,
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klausieties citos,
11:34
and, most importantly,
be prepared to be amazed.
be prepared to be amazed.
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un par visu svarīgāk –
esiet gatavi piedzīvot pārsteigumus.
esiet gatavi piedzīvot pārsteigumus.
11:38
Thanks.
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Paldies.
11:39
(Applause)
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(Aplausi)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com