Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
Celeste Headlee: Dix façons d'améliorer ses conversations
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
unfriended someone on Facebook
about politics or religion,
a dit des choses choquantes sur la
(Rires)
know at least one person that you avoid
personne que vous évitez
to talk to them?
pas lui parler?
Vous savez, auparavant,
to have a polite conversation,
on n'avait qu'à suivre le conseil
dans My fair lady :
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
et à la santé.
changements climatiques
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
(rires)
sans danger.
où nous vivons,
toute conversation
en conflit,
to devolve into an argument,
ne peuvent se parler,
can't speak to one another
s'attaquant de façon passionnée,
for it and against it, it's not normal.
Pew Research a mené une étude
of 10,000 American adults,
et a trouvé que nous sommes
we are more polarized,
Nous avons moins
écoutons pas
not listening to each other.
décisions
notre conjoint,
who our friends are going to be,
une fois, cela signifie que
we're not listening to each other.
Les conversations exigent un équilibre
between talking and listening,
certain temps,
we lost that balance.
équilibre.
en partie, des téléphones
ou à portée de la main.
either have in your hands
grab them really quickly.
envoie plus de cent textos par jour.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
qui ont plus de chance de texter leurs
are more likely to text their friends
en personne.
to them face to face.
le magasine The Atlantic,
enseignant au secondaire.
named Paul Barnwell.
communication
a communication project.
comment parler d'un sujet sans utiliser
on a specific subject without using notes.
that conversational competence
tenir une conversation
négligée dans l'éducation des jeunes.
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
avec des idées et d'autres jeunes
with ideas and each other through screens,
à la communication
communications skills.
drôle comme question, mais
but we have to ask ourselves:
capable de soutenir, en toute confiance
coherent, confident conversation?"
Je gagne ma vie
d'État, des plombiers.
à d'autres que
I talk to people that I don't like.
je suis en profond désaccord.
deeply on a personal level.
conversation avec eux.
a great conversation with them.
pour vous enseigner comment parler
or so teaching you how to talk
a lot of advice on this,
entendu ces conseils :
conversation intéressants;
to discuss in advance,
pour montrer que vous êtes attentifs;
that you're paying attention,
ou faites-en un résumé.
or summarize it.
how to show you're paying attention
à montrer qu'on est attentif
same skills as a professional interviewer
comme intervieweuse professionnelle
how to interview people,
interviewer des gens,
learn how to be better conversationalists.
converser avec plus d'aisance, apprendre
without getting bored,
sans que ce soit
qui que ce soit.
without offending anybody.
bonnes conversations.
We know what it's like.
On sait ce que c'est.
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
un sentiment d'engagement et
like you've made a real connection
d'avoir établi
d'avoir été
pour toutes nos interactions.
can't be like that.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
vais vous présenter, mais en vérité,
one of them and master it,
vous la perfectionnez,
just set down your cell phone
déposer votre téléphone,
or whatever is in your hand.
ou autre chose
soyez présent.
you had with your boss.
passée avec votre patron.
you're going to have for dinner.
mangerez au souper.
of the conversation,
and half out of it.
votre opinion,
or argument or pushback or growth,
de réticence ou de croissance,
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
de venir à mon émission
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
Obama, les coupons alimentaires
pétrolières
and Dick Cheney.
Entrez dans toute
assuming that you have something to learn.
vous aurez quelque
Scott Peck, thérapeute
requiert qu'on se laisse de côté
a setting aside of oneself.
opinions en sourdine.
setting aside your personal opinion.
se sentant acceptée,
less and less vulnerable
to open up the inner recesses
ce qui se trouve
Encore une fois,
something to learn.
quelque chose à apprendre.
knows something that you don't."
rencontre savent une chose qu'on ignore. »
what, when, where, why or how.
où, pourquoi ou comment.
you're going to get a simple answer out.
vous obtiendrez une réponse simple.
«étiez-vous terrifié?»,
powerful word in that sentence,
dans la phrase,
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
«oui, je l'étais»,
Laissez à la personne
They're the ones that know.
C'est elle qui le sait.
"What was that like?"
elle aura sans doute à y penser,
for a moment and think about it,
plus intéressante.
a much more interesting response.
will come into your mind
go out of your mind.
for several minutes
assez longtemps,
and asks a question
qui semble
or it's already been answered.
on a déjà une réponse?
stopped listening two minutes ago
d'écouter il y a 2 minutes
of this really clever question,
vraiment ingénieuse,
and determined to say that.
a conversation with someone,
personne,
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
rencontré Hugh Jackman dans un café.
are going to come to you.
venir et passer.
say that you don't know.
dites-le. Les gens à la radio,
especially on NPR,
[National Public Radio],
that they're going on the record,
publiquement,
about what they claim to be an expert in
délimiter leur champ d'expertise,
avec certitude.
Faites preuve de prudence.
your experience with theirs.
de votre interlocuteur à la vôtre.
about having lost a family member,
de sa famille,
you lost a family member.
où vous avez perdu
they're having at work,
d'un problème
à quel point vous
how much you hate your job.
Ce n'est pas
est unique. Aussi, vous n'êtes pas
it is not about you.
profiter de la conversation pour prouver
to prove how amazing you are
qui lui demandait quel
what his IQ was, and he said,
« Je n'en sais
about their IQs are losers."
sont des ratés ». (Rires)
des occasions d'auto-promotion.
a promotional opportunity.
and it's really boring,
ennuyeux,
or in conversations with our kids,
travail ou avec nos enfants,
encore et encore.
over and over.
to come up with in your mind.
Ils s'en fichent.
What they care about is you.
Alors oubliez les détails.
but it is the most important one.
la plus importante.
really important people have said
vraiment importants ont dit
the number one most important skill
la plus importante
you're not learning."
n'apprenez pas.
ever listened his way out of a job."
n'a jamais été congédié pour
nous écoutons pas?
I'm not interested in.
ne m'intéresse pas.
at about 225 word per minute,
un taux d'environ 225 mots à la minute,
500 words per minute.
jusqu'à 500 mots à la minute.
those other 275 words.
des 275 mots manquants.
it takes effort and energy
et de l'énergie,
à quelqu'un, mais
you're not in a conversation.
ce n'est pas une conversation,
barely related sentences
crient des phrases sans rapport,
les uns les autres.
with the intent to understand.
avec l'intention de comprendre.
l'intention de réagir. »
and it's this one: Be brief.
Soyez bref.
short enough to retain interest,
mini-jupe : assez courte
the subject. -- My Sister]
pour couvrir le sujet (Ma soeur)]
basic concept, and it is this one:
concept de base :
with a very famous grandfather,
célèbre, et il
to talk to my grandparents,
my mother would come over to us,
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
il est danseur de ballet russe. »
personne
amazing thing about them.
caché et d'extraordinaire.
it's what makes me a better host.
fait de moi une
as often as I possibly can,
aussi souvent que possible,
à être étonnée,
be prepared to be amazed.
prêts à être étonnés.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com