TEDxCreativeCoast
Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
Celeste Headlee: 10 načina za vođenje boljeg razgovora
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Kada vam posao ovisi o tome kako dobro razgovarate s ljudima tada mnogo naučite o vođenju razgovora -- i to da mnogi od nas ne razgovaraju baš jako dobro. Celeste Headlee već desetljećima radi kao voditeljica na radiju i zna sastojke sjajne konverzacije: Iskrenost, sažetost, jasnoća i zdrava količina slušanja. U ovom pronicljivom govoru, ona daje 10 korisnih pravila za vođenje boljeg razgovora. "Izađite, pričajte s ljudima, slušajte ih," kaže ona. "I, što je najvažnije, budite spremni biti zadivljeni."
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio host
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
All right, I want to see a show of hands:
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U redu, želim da dignete ruke:
koliko vas je nekome odbilo
prijateljstvo na Facebooku
prijateljstvo na Facebooku
00:14
how many of you have
unfriended someone on Facebook
unfriended someone on Facebook
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00:17
because they said something offensive
about politics or religion,
about politics or religion,
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jer je rekao nešto uvredljivo
u vezi politike ili religije,
u vezi politike ili religije,
00:21
childcare, food?
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brige o djeci, hrane?
00:23
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
00:25
And how many of you
know at least one person that you avoid
know at least one person that you avoid
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A koliko vas zna bar jednu
osobu koju izbjegavate
osobu koju izbjegavate
00:28
because you just don't want
to talk to them?
to talk to them?
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samo zato jer ne želite
s njom razgovarati?
s njom razgovarati?
00:30
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
Znate, nekada je vrijedilo da
za pristojan razgovor
za pristojan razgovor
00:32
You know, it used to be that in order
to have a polite conversation,
to have a polite conversation,
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samo trebamo slijediti savjet
Henryja Higginsa u "My Fair Lady":
Henryja Higginsa u "My Fair Lady":
00:36
we just had to follow the advice
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
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Drži se vremena i svog zdravlja.
00:39
Stick to the weather and your health.
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Ali danas, s klimatskom promjenom i
pokretom protiv cijepljenja, te teme --
pokretom protiv cijepljenja, te teme --
00:41
But these days, with climate change
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
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00:44
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
00:46
are not safe either.
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isto tako nisu sigurne.
00:47
So this world that we live in,
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Dakle, ovaj svijet u kojem živimo,
00:50
this world in which every conversation
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ovaj svijet u kojem svaki razgovor
00:53
has the potential
to devolve into an argument,
to devolve into an argument,
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ima potencijal prerasti u svađu,
gdje naši političari ne mogu
razgovarati jedan s drugim
razgovarati jedan s drugim
00:55
where our politicians
can't speak to one another
can't speak to one another
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00:57
and where even the most trivial of issues
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i gdje čak i najtrivijalnija pitanja
00:59
have someone fighting both passionately
for it and against it, it's not normal.
for it and against it, it's not normal.
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imaju strasne pobornike
ili protivnike, nije normalan.
ili protivnike, nije normalan.
01:04
Pew Research did a study
of 10,000 American adults,
of 10,000 American adults,
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Pew Research je proveo istraživanje
na 10.000 odraslih Amerikanaca
na 10.000 odraslih Amerikanaca
01:08
and they found that at this moment,
we are more polarized,
we are more polarized,
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i ustanovili su da smo u ovom času
više polarizirani,
više polarizirani,
01:10
we are more divided,
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više smo podijeljeni,
01:12
than we ever have been in history.
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nego bilo kada u povijesti.
01:14
We're less likely to compromise,
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Manje smo skloni kompromisu,
01:16
which means we're
not listening to each other.
not listening to each other.
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što znači da ne slušamo jedni druge.
01:18
And we make decisions about where to live,
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I odlučujemo o tome gdje ćemo živjeti,
01:21
who to marry and even
who our friends are going to be,
who our friends are going to be,
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za koga se udati i čak
tko će nam biti prijatelji,
tko će nam biti prijatelji,
01:23
based on what we already believe.
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na temelju onoga u što već vjerujemo.
01:26
Again, that means
we're not listening to each other.
we're not listening to each other.
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Ponovo, to znači da
ne slušamo jedni druge.
ne slušamo jedni druge.
01:29
A conversation requires a balance
between talking and listening,
between talking and listening,
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Konverzacija zahtijeva ravnotežu
između pričanja i slušanja,
između pričanja i slušanja,
01:32
and somewhere along the way,
we lost that balance.
we lost that balance.
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a mi smo, negdje usput,
izgubili tu ravnotežu.
izgubili tu ravnotežu.
01:35
Now, part of that is due to technology.
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Dio toga je posljedica tehnologije.
01:37
The smartphones that you all
either have in your hands
either have in your hands
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Pametnih telefona koje svi
imate ili u rukama
imate ili u rukama
ili dovoljno blizu da ih
možete brzo zgrabiti.
možete brzo zgrabiti.
01:39
or close enough that you could
grab them really quickly.
grab them really quickly.
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Prema Pew Research centru,
01:42
According to Pew Research,
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otprilike trećina američkih tinejđera
šalje preko stotinu poruka dnevno.
šalje preko stotinu poruka dnevno.
01:43
about a third of American teenagers
send more than a hundred texts a day.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
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01:48
And many of them, almost most of them,
are more likely to text their friends
are more likely to text their friends
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A mnogi od njih, skoro većina njih,
prijateljima će radije slati poruke
prijateljima će radije slati poruke
01:53
than they are to talk
to them face to face.
to them face to face.
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nego s njima razgovarati licem u lice.
Ima taj odličan članak
u časopisu The Atlantic.
u časopisu The Atlantic.
01:56
There's this great piece in The Atlantic.
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01:58
It was written by a high school teacher
named Paul Barnwell.
named Paul Barnwell.
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Napisao ga je srednjoškolski
nastavnik Paul Barnwell.
nastavnik Paul Barnwell.
On je svojim đacima zadao
komunikacijski zadatak.
komunikacijski zadatak.
02:01
And he gave his kids
a communication project.
a communication project.
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Želio ih je naučiti kako govoriti
o određenoj temi bez upotrebe bilješki.
o određenoj temi bez upotrebe bilješki.
02:03
He wanted to teach them how to speak
on a specific subject without using notes.
on a specific subject without using notes.
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I rekao je ovo: "Shvatio sam ..."
02:06
And he said this: "I came to realize..."
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02:08
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:12
"I came to realize
that conversational competence
that conversational competence
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"Shvatio sam da je
sposobnost komuniciranja
sposobnost komuniciranja
02:15
might be the single
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
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možda najviše zanemarena vještina
koju smo propustili podučavati.
koju smo propustili podučavati.
02:19
Kids spend hours each day engaging
with ideas and each other through screens,
with ideas and each other through screens,
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Djeca svaki dan provode sate baveći se
idejama i jedno drugim putem ekrana,
idejama i jedno drugim putem ekrana,
02:23
but rarely do they have an opportunity
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no rijetko imaju priliku
02:25
to hone their interpersonal
communications skills.
communications skills.
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brusiti svoje međuljudske
komunikacijske vještine.
komunikacijske vještine.
02:28
It might sound like a funny question,
but we have to ask ourselves:
but we have to ask ourselves:
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Možda ovo pitanje zvuči smiješno,
ali moramo se upitati:
ali moramo se upitati:
02:31
Is there any 21st-century skill
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Postoji li ijedna vještina 21-og stoljeća
02:33
more important than being able to sustain
coherent, confident conversation?"
coherent, confident conversation?"
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važnija od sposobnosti vođenja
suvislog, samosvjesnog razgovora?
suvislog, samosvjesnog razgovora?
02:39
Now, I make my living talking to people:
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Ja zarađujem za život pričajući s ljudima:
02:41
Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers,
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nobelovcima, vozačima kamiona,
02:43
billionaires, kindergarten teachers,
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milijarderima, tetama iz vrtića,
02:46
heads of state, plumbers.
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predsjednicima država,
vodoinstalaterima.
vodoinstalaterima.
Pričam s ljudima koji mi se sviđaju.
Pričam s ljudima koji mi se ne sviđaju.
Pričam s ljudima koji mi se ne sviđaju.
02:48
I talk to people that I like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
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02:51
I talk to some people that I disagree with
deeply on a personal level.
deeply on a personal level.
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Pričam s nekim ljudima s kojima
se duboko ne slažem na osobnoj razini.
se duboko ne slažem na osobnoj razini.
02:55
But I still have
a great conversation with them.
a great conversation with them.
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Pa ipak vodim s njima
odličnu konverzaciju.
odličnu konverzaciju.
02:58
So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes
or so teaching you how to talk
or so teaching you how to talk
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Zato bih željela da vas u sljedećih
10-ak minuta podučim kako pričati
10-ak minuta podučim kako pričati
03:02
and how to listen.
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i kako slušati.
03:04
Many of you have already heard
a lot of advice on this,
a lot of advice on this,
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Mnogi od vas su već čuli
mnogo savjeta o tome,
mnogo savjeta o tome,
03:07
things like look the person in the eye,
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stvari poput, gledaj osobu u oči,
03:09
think of interesting topics
to discuss in advance,
to discuss in advance,
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unaprijed smisli zanimljive teme
za diskusiju
za diskusiju
03:13
look, nod and smile to show
that you're paying attention,
that you're paying attention,
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gledaj, kimaj i smiješi se da pokažeš
kako pažljivo pratiš,
kako pažljivo pratiš,
03:18
repeat back what you just heard
or summarize it.
or summarize it.
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ponovi ono što si upravo čuo
ili to rezimiraj.
ili to rezimiraj.
03:21
So I want you to forget all of that.
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Dakle, hoću da sve to zaboravite.
03:22
It is crap.
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To su besmislice.
03:24
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:27
There is no reason to learn
how to show you're paying attention
how to show you're paying attention
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Nema razloga da učite
kako pokazati da pažljivo pratite
kako pokazati da pažljivo pratite
03:31
if you are in fact paying attention.
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ako zaista pažljivo pratite.
03:35
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:36
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
03:39
Now, I actually use the exact
same skills as a professional interviewer
same skills as a professional interviewer
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Kao profesionalni voditelj intervjua
ja zapravo koristim one iste vještine
ja zapravo koristim one iste vještine
03:43
that I do in regular life.
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koje koristim u običnom životu.
03:46
So, I'm going to teach you
how to interview people,
how to interview people,
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Dakle, naučit ću vas kako
intervjuirati ljude,
intervjuirati ljude,
03:49
and that's actually going to help you
learn how to be better conversationalists.
learn how to be better conversationalists.
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a to će vam ustvari pomoći
da postanete bolji sugovornici.
da postanete bolji sugovornici.
Da naučite voditi razgovor
03:53
Learn to have a conversation
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03:55
without wasting your time,
without getting bored,
without getting bored,
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ne rasipajući svoje vrijeme,
ne dosađujući se,
ne dosađujući se,
03:57
and, please God,
without offending anybody.
without offending anybody.
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i, uz Božju pomoć,
ne vrijeđajući nikoga.
ne vrijeđajući nikoga.
04:00
We've all had really great conversations.
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Mi smo svi vodili zaista sjajne razgovore.
Vodili smo ih već prije.
Znamo kako to izgleda.
Znamo kako to izgleda.
04:03
We've had them before.
We know what it's like.
We know what it's like.
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Ona vrsta konverzacije nakon koje
se osjećate uključeni i inspirirani,
se osjećate uključeni i inspirirani,
04:05
The kind of conversation where you
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
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ili osjećate kao da ste
ostvarili istinsku povezanost
ostvarili istinsku povezanost
04:09
or where you feel
like you've made a real connection
like you've made a real connection
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04:11
or you've been perfectly understood.
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ili da su vas savršeno razumjeli.
04:13
There is no reason
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Nema razloga zašto
04:14
why most of your interactions
can't be like that.
can't be like that.
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većina naših interakcija
ne bi bila takva.
ne bi bila takva.
04:18
So I have 10 basic rules.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
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Ja imam 10 osnovnih pravila.
Sva ću vam ih objasniti,
Sva ću vam ih objasniti,
04:21
but honestly, if you just choose
one of them and master it,
one of them and master it,
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no iskreno, ako izaberete samo
jedno od njih i svladate ga,
jedno od njih i svladate ga,
04:25
you'll already enjoy better conversations.
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već ćete uživati u boljoj konverzaciji.
04:27
Number one: Don't multitask.
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Broj jedan:
Ne radite više stvari odjednom.
Ne radite više stvari odjednom.
04:30
And I don't mean
just set down your cell phone
just set down your cell phone
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I tu ne mislim samo da
odložite svoj mobitel
odložite svoj mobitel
ili svoj tablet ili ključeve od auta
ili bilo što što imate u ruci.
ili bilo što što imate u ruci.
04:32
or your tablet or your car keys
or whatever is in your hand.
or whatever is in your hand.
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04:35
I mean, be present.
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Mislim, budite prisutni.
04:37
Be in that moment.
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Budite u tom trenutku.
04:39
Don't think about your argument
you had with your boss.
you had with your boss.
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Nemojte misliti na svađu
koju ste imali sa šefom.
koju ste imali sa šefom.
04:42
Don't think about what
you're going to have for dinner.
you're going to have for dinner.
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Nemojte misliti na to što ćete večerati.
04:44
If you want to get out
of the conversation,
of the conversation,
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Ako želite prekinuti konverzaciju,
prekinite ju,
04:46
get out of the conversation,
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04:48
but don't be half in it
and half out of it.
and half out of it.
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ali nemojte biti napola u njoj,
a napola izvan nje.
a napola izvan nje.
04:50
Number two: Don't pontificate.
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Broj dva: Nemojte propovijedati.
04:52
If you want to state your opinion
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Ako želite iznijeti svoje mišljenje
04:55
without any opportunity for response
or argument or pushback or growth,
or argument or pushback or growth,
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bez mogućnosti za odgovor
ili diskusiju ili prigovor ili razvoj,
ili diskusiju ili prigovor ili razvoj,
05:01
write a blog.
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pišite blog.
05:02
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
05:05
Now, there's a really good reason
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
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Postoji zaista dobar razlog zašto
ne puštam učene ljude na moj šou:
ne puštam učene ljude na moj šou:
05:09
Because they're really boring.
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Zato jer su stvarno dosadni.
05:10
If they're conservative, they're going to
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
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Ako su konzervativci, mrzit će Obamu
i bonove za hranu i abortus.
i bonove za hranu i abortus.
Ako su liberali, mrzit će
05:14
If they're liberal, they're going to hate
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velike banke i naftne korporacije
i Dicka Cheneya.
i Dicka Cheneya.
05:16
big banks and oil corporations
and Dick Cheney.
and Dick Cheney.
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Potpuno predvidivo.
05:18
Totally predictable.
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05:20
And you don't want to be like that.
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A vi ne želite biti takvi.
05:21
You need to enter every conversation
assuming that you have something to learn.
assuming that you have something to learn.
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Trebali bi u svaki razgovor ulaziti s
s pretpostavkom da ćete nešto naučiti.
s pretpostavkom da ćete nešto naučiti.
05:27
The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said
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Čuveni terapeut M. Scott Peck je rekao
05:29
that true listening requires
a setting aside of oneself.
a setting aside of oneself.
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istinsko slušanje zahtijeva
da sebe ostavimo po strani.
da sebe ostavimo po strani.
05:34
And sometimes that means
setting aside your personal opinion.
setting aside your personal opinion.
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A to ponekad znači ostaviti po strani
svoje osobno mišljenje.
svoje osobno mišljenje.
05:38
He said that sensing this acceptance,
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On kaže da osjetivši to prihvaćanje
05:41
the speaker will become
less and less vulnerable
less and less vulnerable
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govornik postaje sve manje ranjiv
05:43
and more and more likely
to open up the inner recesses
to open up the inner recesses
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i sve više voljan za otvaranje
skrovitih mjesta svoga uma
skrovitih mjesta svoga uma
05:46
of his or her mind to the listener.
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onome koji sluša.
05:49
Again, assume that you have
something to learn.
something to learn.
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Ponovno, pretpostavite da
ćete nešto naučiti.
ćete nešto naučiti.
05:52
Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet
knows something that you don't."
knows something that you don't."
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Bill Nye: "Svatko koga ćete ikada sresti
zna nešto što vi ne znate."
zna nešto što vi ne znate."
05:57
I put it this way:
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Ja to kažem ovako:
05:58
Everybody is an expert in something.
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Svatko je stručnjak u nečemu.
06:03
Number three: Use open-ended questions.
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Broj tri: Postavljajte otvorena pitanja.
06:06
In this case, take a cue from journalists.
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U ovom slučaju, ugledajte se u novinare.
06:08
Start your questions with who,
what, when, where, why or how.
what, when, where, why or how.
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Započnite svoja pitanja sa tko,
što, kada, gdje, zašto ili kako.
što, kada, gdje, zašto ili kako.
06:11
If you put in a complicated question,
you're going to get a simple answer out.
you're going to get a simple answer out.
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Ako postavite komplicirano pitanje,
dobit ćete jednostavan odgovor.
dobit ćete jednostavan odgovor.
06:14
If I ask you, "Were you terrified?"
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Ako vas upitam, "Jeste li bili užasnuti?"
06:17
you're going to respond to the most
powerful word in that sentence,
powerful word in that sentence,
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vi ćete odgovoriti na
najjaču riječ u toj rečenici,
najjaču riječ u toj rečenici,
koja je "užasnut" i odgovor je
"Da, bio sam" ili "Ne, nisam bio."
"Da, bio sam" ili "Ne, nisam bio."
06:20
which is "terrified," and the answer is
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
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"Jeste li bili ljuti?"
"Da, bio sam jako ljut."
"Da, bio sam jako ljut."
06:23
"Were you angry?" "Yes, I was very angry."
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06:25
Let them describe it.
They're the ones that know.
They're the ones that know.
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Pustite njih da to opišu.
Oni su ti koji znaju.
Oni su ti koji znaju.
06:28
Try asking them things like,
"What was that like?"
"What was that like?"
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Pokušajte ih pitati stvari kao,
"Kako je to bilo?"
"Kako je to bilo?"
06:31
"How did that feel?"
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"Kako ste se osjećali?"
06:33
Because then they might have to stop
for a moment and think about it,
for a moment and think about it,
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Zato jer će tada možda morati
zastati na čas i razmisliti o tome,
zastati na čas i razmisliti o tome,
06:37
and you're going to get
a much more interesting response.
a much more interesting response.
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a vi ćete dobiti mnogo
zanimljiviji odgovor.
zanimljiviji odgovor.
06:40
Number four: Go with the flow.
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Broj četiri: Prepustite se.
06:43
That means thoughts
will come into your mind
will come into your mind
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To znači da će vam misli padati na um
06:46
and you need to let them
go out of your mind.
go out of your mind.
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i vi biste ih trebali pustiti da siđu s uma.
06:49
We've heard interviews often
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Često smo čuli intervjue
06:51
in which a guest is talking
for several minutes
for several minutes
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u kojima gost govori nekoliko minuta
06:54
and then the host comes back in
and asks a question
and asks a question
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i onda domaćin upada
i postavlja pitanje
i postavlja pitanje
06:56
which seems like it comes out of nowhere,
or it's already been answered.
or it's already been answered.
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koje kao da dolazi niotkuda
ili je već bilo odgovoreno.
ili je već bilo odgovoreno.
07:00
That means the host probably
stopped listening two minutes ago
stopped listening two minutes ago
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To znači da je domaćin vjerojatno
prestao slušati prije dvije minute
prestao slušati prije dvije minute
07:02
because he thought
of this really clever question,
of this really clever question,
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jer se sjetio tog stvarno
pametnog pitanja,
pametnog pitanja,
07:06
and he was just bound
and determined to say that.
and determined to say that.
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i bio je baš uporan i
odlučan da ga postavi.
odlučan da ga postavi.
07:09
And we do the exact same thing.
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A mi radimo upravo istu stvar.
07:11
We're sitting there having
a conversation with someone,
a conversation with someone,
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Sjedimo i pričamo s nekim,
a onda se sjetimo trenutka kad smo
sreli Hugha Jackmana u kafiću.
sreli Hugha Jackmana u kafiću.
07:14
and then we remember that time
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
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07:17
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
07:18
And we stop listening.
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I prestajemo slušati.
07:20
Stories and ideas
are going to come to you.
are going to come to you.
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Priče i ideje će vam nadolaziti.
07:22
You need to let them come and let them go.
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Vi ih morate pustiti da dođu i odu.
07:26
Number five: If you don't know,
say that you don't know.
say that you don't know.
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Broj pet:
Ako ne znate, recite da ne znate.
Ako ne znate, recite da ne znate.
07:30
Now, people on the radio,
especially on NPR,
especially on NPR,
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Dakle, ljudi na radiju,
posebno na javnom radiju,
posebno na javnom radiju,
07:33
are much more aware
that they're going on the record,
that they're going on the record,
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puno su svjesniji toga da
da govore javno i službeno,
da govore javno i službeno,
07:36
and so they're more careful
about what they claim to be an expert in
about what they claim to be an expert in
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i zato su oprezniji s
tvrdnjama o svojoj stručnosti
tvrdnjama o svojoj stručnosti
07:39
and what they claim to know for sure.
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i o tome što tvrde da pouzdano znaju.
07:41
Do that. Err on the side of caution.
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Učinite tako. Oprez je majka mudrosti.
07:44
Talk should not be cheap.
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Govor ne smije biti jeftin.
07:46
Number six: Don't equate
your experience with theirs.
your experience with theirs.
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Broj šest: Nemojte izjednačavati
svoje iskustvo s njihovim.
svoje iskustvo s njihovim.
Ako govore o gubitku člana obitelji,
07:51
If they're talking
about having lost a family member,
about having lost a family member,
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nemojte početi govoriti o vremenu
kad ste vi izgubili člana obitelji.
kad ste vi izgubili člana obitelji.
07:54
don't start talking about the time
you lost a family member.
you lost a family member.
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07:56
If they're talking about the trouble
they're having at work,
they're having at work,
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Ako govore o problemima
koje imaju na poslu,
koje imaju na poslu,
nemojte im pričati o tome
koliko vi mrzite svoj posao.
koliko vi mrzite svoj posao.
07:59
don't tell them about
how much you hate your job.
how much you hate your job.
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To nije isto. To nikada nije isto.
08:02
It's not the same. It is never the same.
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08:04
All experiences are individual.
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Sva iskustva su osobna.
08:05
And, more importantly,
it is not about you.
it is not about you.
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I, što je još važnije,
ne radi se o vama.
ne radi se o vama.
08:09
You don't need to take that moment
to prove how amazing you are
to prove how amazing you are
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Ne morate koristiti taj trenutak
da dokažete koliko ste vi čudesni
da dokažete koliko ste vi čudesni
08:13
or how much you've suffered.
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ili koliko ste vi patili.
Netko je jednom upitao
Stephena Hawkinga
Stephena Hawkinga
08:15
Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once
what his IQ was, and he said,
what his IQ was, and he said,
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koliki mu je IQ, a on je rekao,
"Nemam pojma.
"Nemam pojma.
08:18
"I have no idea. People who brag
about their IQs are losers."
about their IQs are losers."
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Ljudi koje se hvale
svojim IQ-om su gubitnici."
svojim IQ-om su gubitnici."
08:21
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:23
Conversations are not
a promotional opportunity.
a promotional opportunity.
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Razgovorinisu prilike za promociju.
[ Konverzacija u 21. stoljeću
Kako si Todo. Čitaj moj blog.]
Kako si Todo. Čitaj moj blog.]
08:28
Number seven:
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Broj sedam:
08:31
Try not to repeat yourself.
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Pokušajte ne ponavljati se.
08:32
It's condescending,
and it's really boring,
and it's really boring,
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To je pokroviteljski i zaista dosadno,
08:35
and we tend to do it a lot.
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a mi smo skloni često to raditi.
08:36
Especially in work conversations
or in conversations with our kids,
or in conversations with our kids,
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Osobito u razgovorima o poslu
ili u razgovoru s djecom,
ili u razgovoru s djecom,
08:40
we have a point to make,
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želimo nešto naglasiti,
08:42
so we just keep rephrasing it
over and over.
over and over.
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pa stalno iznova govorimo
istu stvar samo preformuliranu.
istu stvar samo preformuliranu.
08:45
Don't do that.
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Nemojte to raditi.
08:46
Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.
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Broj osam: Klonite se detalja.
08:49
Frankly, people don't care
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Iskreno, ljudi ne mare
08:52
about the years, the names,
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za godine, imena,
08:54
the dates, all those details
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datume, sve te detalje
08:56
that you're struggling
to come up with in your mind.
to come up with in your mind.
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kojih se svim silama
pokušavate prisjetiti.
pokušavate prisjetiti.
08:59
They don't care.
What they care about is you.
What they care about is you.
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Njima to nije važno.
Ono što im je važno ste vi.
Ono što im je važno ste vi.
09:01
They care about what you're like,
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Zanima ih kakvi ste,
09:04
what you have in common.
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što vam je zajedničko.
09:05
So forget the details. Leave them out.
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Stoga zaboravite detalje. Izostavite ih.
09:08
Number nine:
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Broj devet:
09:10
This is not the last one,
but it is the most important one.
but it is the most important one.
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Ovo nije zadnje, ali je najvažnije.
09:13
Listen.
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Slušajte.
09:14
I cannot tell you how many
really important people have said
really important people have said
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Ne mogu vam reći
koliko je stvarno važnih ljudi reklo
koliko je stvarno važnih ljudi reklo
09:18
that listening is perhaps the most,
the number one most important skill
the number one most important skill
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da je slušanje možda najvažnija,
vještina broj jedan
vještina broj jedan
09:22
that you could develop.
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koju biste mogli razviti.
09:23
Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing,
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Buddha je rekao, a ja prafraziram,
09:25
"If your mouth is open,
you're not learning."
you're not learning."
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"Ako su ti usta otvorena,
tada ne učiš."
tada ne učiš."
09:28
And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man
ever listened his way out of a job."
ever listened his way out of a job."
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A Calvin Coolidge je rekao, "Nitko nije
bio izbačen s posla zbog slušanja."
bio izbačen s posla zbog slušanja."
09:32
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
09:34
Why do we not listen to each other?
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Zašto ne slušamo jedni druge?
09:36
Number one, we'd rather talk.
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Broj jedan, više volimo govoriti.
09:39
When I'm talking, I'm in control.
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Kada govorim, ja imam kontrolu.
09:41
I don't have to hear anything
I'm not interested in.
I'm not interested in.
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Ne moram slušati ništa
što me ne zanima.
što me ne zanima.
09:43
I'm the center of attention.
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Ja sam u središtu pažnje.
09:45
I can bolster my own identity.
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Mogu ojačati vlastiti identitet.
09:47
But there's another reason:
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No, postoji još jedan razlog:
09:48
We get distracted.
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Gubimo pozornost.
09:50
The average person talks
at about 225 word per minute,
at about 225 word per minute,
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Prosječna osoba govori
oko 225 riječi u minuti,
oko 225 riječi u minuti,
09:53
but we can listen at up to
500 words per minute.
500 words per minute.
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no mi možemo slušati
do 500 riječi u minuti.
do 500 riječi u minuti.
09:57
So our minds are filling in
those other 275 words.
those other 275 words.
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Tako naši umovi umeću
onih drugih 275 riječi.
onih drugih 275 riječi.
10:01
And look, I know,
it takes effort and energy
it takes effort and energy
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I gledajte, ja znam da za to
treba truda i snage
treba truda i snage
10:05
to actually pay attention to someone,
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da se stvarno obraća pažnja na nekoga,
10:07
but if you can't do that,
you're not in a conversation.
you're not in a conversation.
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ali ako to ne možete,
onda ne vodite konverzaciju.
onda ne vodite konverzaciju.
10:10
You're just two people shouting out
barely related sentences
barely related sentences
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Vi ste samo dvoje ljudi koji izvikuju
jedva povezane rečenice
jedva povezane rečenice
10:13
in the same place.
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na istom mjestu.
10:14
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:16
You have to listen to one another.
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Morate slušati jedan drugoga.
10:19
Stephen Covey said it very beautifully.
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Stephen Covey je to prekrasno rekao.
10:20
He said, "Most of us don't listen
with the intent to understand.
with the intent to understand.
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Rekao je, "Većina nas
ne sluša s namjerom da razumije.
ne sluša s namjerom da razumije.
10:24
We listen with the intent to reply."
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Mi slušamo s namjerom da odgovorimo."
10:28
One more rule, number 10,
and it's this one: Be brief.
and it's this one: Be brief.
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Još jedno pravilo, broj 10,
a to je ovo: Budite kratki.
a to je ovo: Budite kratki.
10:32
[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;
short enough to retain interest,
short enough to retain interest,
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[Dobar razgovor je kao mini suknja;
dovoljno kratka da zadrži interes,
dovoljno kratka da zadrži interes,
10:36
but long enough to cover
the subject. -- My Sister]
the subject. -- My Sister]
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ali dovoljno duga da pokrije temu.
-- Moja sestra]
-- Moja sestra]
10:38
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:40
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
10:42
All of this boils down to the same
basic concept, and it is this one:
basic concept, and it is this one:
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Sve ovo svodi se na isti
osnovni koncept, a taj je:
osnovni koncept, a taj je:
10:47
Be interested in other people.
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Zanimajte se za druge ljude.
10:50
You know, I grew up
with a very famous grandfather,
with a very famous grandfather,
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Znate, ja sam odrasla uz
vrlo slavnog djeda,
vrlo slavnog djeda,
10:52
and there was kind of a ritual in my home.
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i postojala neka vrsta
rituala u mom domu.
rituala u mom domu.
10:54
People would come over
to talk to my grandparents,
to talk to my grandparents,
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Ljudi bi navraćali da razgovaraju
s mojim djedom i bakom,
s mojim djedom i bakom,
10:57
and after they would leave,
my mother would come over to us,
my mother would come over to us,
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a nakon što bi otišli,
moja majka bi nam prišla,
moja majka bi nam prišla,
11:00
and she'd say, "Do you know who that was?
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i rekla, "Znate li tko je to bio?
11:02
She was the runner-up to Miss America.
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Ona je bila pratilja Miss Amerike.
11:03
He was the mayor of Sacramento.
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On je bio gradonačelnik Sacramenta.
11:05
She won a Pulitzer Prize.
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
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Ona je dobila Pulitzerovu nagradu.
On je ruski baletan."
On je ruski baletan."
11:08
And I kind of grew up assuming
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I ja sam na neki način
odrastala smatrajući
odrastala smatrajući
11:12
everyone has some hidden,
amazing thing about them.
amazing thing about them.
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da svatko u sebi nosi neke
skrivene, zapanjujuće stvari.
skrivene, zapanjujuće stvari.
11:15
And honestly, I think
it's what makes me a better host.
it's what makes me a better host.
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I iskreno, mislim da je to ono
što me čini boljom voditeljicom.
što me čini boljom voditeljicom.
11:19
I keep my mouth shut
as often as I possibly can,
as often as I possibly can,
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Ja držim zatvorena usta
kada god mogu,
kada god mogu,
11:22
I keep my mind open,
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držim otvoren um,
11:23
and I'm always prepared to be amazed,
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i uvijek sam spremna
da budem zadivljena,
da budem zadivljena,
11:26
and I'm never disappointed.
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i nikada se nisam razočarala.
11:28
You do the same thing.
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Učinite istu stvar.
11:30
Go out, talk to people,
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Izađite, razgovarajte s ljudima,
11:33
listen to people,
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slušajte ljude,
11:34
and, most importantly,
be prepared to be amazed.
be prepared to be amazed.
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i, najvažnije, budite spremni
biti zadivljeni.
biti zadivljeni.
11:38
Thanks.
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Hvala.
11:39
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com