Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
Селеста Хэдли: 10 способов стать хорошим собеседником
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
кто удалял друзей из «Фейсбука»
unfriended someone on Facebook
что-то оскорбительное
about politics or religion,
которых вы избегаете,
know at least one person that you avoid
с ними говорить?
to talk to them?
to have a polite conversation,
в общении, нужно было,
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
и моды на отказ от прививок...
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
to devolve into an argument,
говорить друг с другом,
can't speak to one another
разжигают споры, —
for it and against it, it's not normal.
опрос 10 000 взрослых американцев
of 10,000 American adults,
we are more polarized,
что общество более поляризовано,
not listening to each other.
друг друга.
who our friends are going to be,
we're not listening to each other.
не слушаем.
between talking and listening,
между говорением и слушанием,
we lost that balance.
нарушили этот баланс.
either have in your hands
которые вы не выпускаете из рук,
grab them really quickly.
не отходить ни на шаг.
отправляют более 100 сообщений в день.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
предпочитают именно сообщения,
are more likely to text their friends
to them face to face.
named Paul Barnwell.
a communication project.
on a specific subject without using notes.
выступать без опоры на записи.
that conversational competence
научить детей вести диалог.
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
with ideas and each other through screens,
сидя перед мониторами ПК и гаджетов.
communications skills.
но мы должны спросить себя:
but we have to ask ourselves:
coherent, confident conversation?"
и уверенно вести беседу?
и водителями грузовиков,
детских садов,
I talk to people that I don't like.
С людьми, которые мне не нравятся.
deeply on a personal level.
на личном уровне.
чудесную беседу.
a great conversation with them.
за следующие 10 минут научить вас говорить
or so teaching you how to talk
много советов на эту тему.
a lot of advice on this,
зрительный контакт,
to discuss in advance,
интересные темы для разговоров,
that you're paying attention,
показывая, что внимательно слушаете,
or summarize it.
за собеседником или обобщайте.
how to show you're paying attention
демонстрировать внимание,
внимательно следите за разговором.
same skills as a professional interviewer
я пользуюсь тем же набором навыков,
и в повседневной жизни.
how to interview people,
интервьюировать людей,
learn how to be better conversationalists.
лучше общаться.
without getting bored,
не умирая от скуки
without offending anybody.
хорошие беседы.
We know what it's like.
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
причастность и вдохновение
like you've made a real connection
установить связь,
can't be like that.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
Мы с вами по ним сейчас пройдёмся.
one of them and master it,
одновременно.
just set down your cell phone
or whatever is in your hand.
которые мы обычно теребим в руках.
you had with your boss.
you're going to have for dinner.
of the conversation,
and half out of it.
or argument or pushback or growth,
или аргументы окружающих на этот счёт,
к себе в эфир всезнаек.
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
будет ненавидеть Обаму и аборты,
он будет критиковать банки,
and Dick Cheney.
assuming that you have something to learn.
возможностью узнать что-то новое.
a setting aside of oneself.
нужно отстраниться от самого себя».
и от своего собственного мнения.
setting aside your personal opinion.
less and less vulnerable
to open up the inner recesses
на восприятие слушателя.
something to learn.
человек знает что-то, чего не знаете вы».
knows something that you don't."
хорошо разбирается.
what, when, where, why or how.
«что», «где», «когда» и «как».
you're going to get a simple answer out.
вы получите простой ответ.
powerful word in that sentence,
на самое сильное слово в вопросе,
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
и ответом будет «да» или «нет».
Он лучше знает, что чувствовал.
They're the ones that know.
"What was that like?"
for a moment and think about it,
на секунду и действительно задуматься,
более интересный ответ.
a much more interesting response.
will come into your mind
go out of your mind.
for several minutes
что-то рассказывает,
and asks a question
or it's already been answered.
или на который гость уже ответил.
несколько минут назад,
stopped listening two minutes ago
of this really clever question,
невероятно умный вопрос
and determined to say that.
a conversation with someone,
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
повстречали Хью Джекмана в кафе.
are going to come to you.
признайтесь в этом.
say that you don't know.
на Национальном Общественном Радио,
especially on NPR,
that they're going on the record,
в своих заявлениях
about what they claim to be an expert in
с опытом собеседников.
your experience with theirs.
о потере близких людей,
about having lost a family member,
you lost a family member.
свои примеры на эту тему.
they're having at work,
о проблемах на работе,
как вы ненавидите свою.
how much you hate your job.
it is not about you.
чтобы доказать свою крутость
to prove how amazing you are
what his IQ was, and he said,
о его IQ. Он ответил:
своим IQ, — неудачники».
about their IQs are losers."
a promotional opportunity.
разрекламировать себя.
and it's really boring,
or in conversations with our kids,
over and over.
разными словами.
to come up with in your mind.
What they care about is you.
но явно самый важный.
but it is the most important one.
известных людей говорили,
really important people have said
самым-самым важным навыком
the number one most important skill
you're not learning."
ever listened his way out of a job."
не уволили за то, что они много слушали».
I'm not interested in.
что мне не интересно.
at about 225 word per minute,
со скоростью 225 слов в минуту,
до 500 слов в минуту.
500 words per minute.
недостающие 275 слов.
those other 275 words.
it takes effort and energy
you're not in a conversation.
barely related sentences
ничем не связанные предложения,
with the intent to understand.
не с целью понять собеседника,
and it's this one: Be brief.
short enough to retain interest,
достаточно короткий, чтобы заинтересовать,
the subject. -- My Sister]
покрыть самое важное. — Моя сестра]
basic concept, and it is this one:
в один простой принцип:
with a very famous grandfather,
to talk to my grandparents,
поговорить разные люди,
my mother would come over to us,
моя мама имела обыкновение подойти
а это — артист русского балета».
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
amazing thing about them.
хорошей ведущей эфира.
it's what makes me a better host.
as often as I possibly can,
be prepared to be amazed.
будьте готовы удивляться.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com