James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
James Veitch: Això és el que passa quan respons als correus fraudulents
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
el meu filtre de "spam".
to get through my spam filter.
but it turned up in my inbox,
called Solomon Odonkoh.
Solomon Odonkoh.
I want to share with you, Solomon."
que vull compartir amb tu, Salomon."
el botó d'esborrar, sí?
on the delete button, right?
I thought, I could just delete this.
we've all always wanted to do.
el teu correu m'intriga."
Your email intrigues me."
"Benvolgut James Veitch,
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
of any gold you distributes."
de tot l'or que reparteixis"
with a professional.
with smaller quantity," --
amb una quantitat modesta"
2,5 milions de dòlars."
going to do it, let's go big.
entrem per la porta gran.
How much gold do you have?"
of how much gold I have,
de quant d'or tenim,
et pots encarregar.
your capability of handling.
com un enviament de prova."
as trial shipment."
at least a metric ton."
"Com et guanyes la vida?"
executive bank manager."
d'inversions d'alt risc d'un banc."
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
amb lingots d'or, amic meu,
via the postal service,
per correu,
to convince my company
convèncer la meva empresa
with you on this one.
tens tot el meu suport.
to take into the board meeting.
a la reunió amb els directors.
any statisticians in the house,
you'll find a helpful chart.
adjunt a aquest correu
run the numbers.
ha fet els càlculs.
as much gold as possible."
com ens pugueu enviar."
per tocar la teva fibra sensible.
to tug your heartstrings,
si aquest negoci tira endavant,
if the deal goes well,
una bona comissió."
a very good commission as well."
en què et gastaràs la teva part?"
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
I tu?"
what about you?"
30 different varieties.
and you can dip them.
i sucar-les-hi.
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
perla daurada, bonsoir"
this had been going for, like, weeks,
això havia durat setmanes,
de la meva vida,
weeks of my life,
"James, vols quedar?"
do you want to come for a drink?"
espero un correu sobre l'or."
an email about some gold."
to knock it on the head.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
I'm concerned about security.
coming up with this code
i he creat aquest codi.
in all further correspondence:
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
de goma gegant."
they use, right?
in all further correspondence."
refereix-te a mi com a KitKat."
I thought, I've gone too far.
havia anat massa lluny.
So I had to backpedal a little.
el tracte va endavant?
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
i estic intentant bla, bla..."
has de fer servir el codi!"
I've ever received.
turned up in my inbox.
per a l'Osset de goma,
for the Gummy Bear --
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
Cola esbravada necessaris
pugui començar el procès.
as much time as could
tant de temps com pugui
scam emails as I could?
com sigui possible?
replying to scam emails.
who do mean things to scammers.
malgastar el seu temps.
they're spending with me
scamming vulnerable adults
and I highly recommend you do --
i us ho recomano molt,
and it was a nightmare.
amb un milers de correus
and have a thousand emails
was a legitimate response --
any day is a good day
qualsevol dia,
that begins like this:
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
Aquesta Winnie Mandela.
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
45 milions de dòlars fora del país
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
del meu marit Nelson Mandela"
que és molt graciós.
this is a letter of authorization.
i és una carta d'autorització.
written on it, it's just a shape!
no té res escrit,
em sap greu sentir això.
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
as fairly serious."
és crític."
you can have, not being alive.
en el qual es pot estar, estar mort.
"Tingui l'amabilitat
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
[cançó de Bob Marley].
una transferència de 3000$
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
(Aplaudiments)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com