James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
Tohle se stane, když odpovíte na spam
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
to get through my spam filter.
but it turned up in my inbox,
ale zobrazil se v přijaté poště,
called Solomon Odonkoh.
jménem Solomon Odonkoh
I want to share with you, Solomon."
se kterým se chci s tebou podělit, Solomon."
on the delete button, right?
vznášela na tlačítkem delete, správně?
I thought, I could just delete this.
pomyslel jsem si, že bych to prostě smazal.
we've all always wanted to do.
chtěli vždycky někdy udělat.
Your email intrigues me."
velmi mě Váš email zaujal"
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
budeme vám posílat zlato"
of any gold you distributes."
ze všeho zlata, které budete distribuovat.
with a professional.
with smaller quantity," --
going to do it, let's go big.
jít, pojďme ve velkým.
How much gold do you have?"
of how much gold I have,
aby jste to zvládl.
your capability of handling.
jako zkušební dodávku"
as trial shipment."
at least a metric ton."
executive bank manager."
"Jsem bankovní výkonný jednatel hedge fondů."
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
co posílám drahé kovy, můj příteli
via the postal service,
to convince my company
moji společnost
with you on this one.
absolutně souhlasím.
to take into the board meeting.
grafické znázornění na zasedání.
any statisticians in the house,
you'll find a helpful chart.
kde najdete užitečný graf.
run the numbers.
as much gold as possible."
tolik zlata, kolik jenom šlo."
to tug your heartstrings,
kdy se snaží hrát na vaše city
když to dobře dopadne,
if the deal goes well,
a very good commission as well."
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
svůj podíl?"
what about you?"
30 different varieties.
různých variant.
and you can dip them.
a namáčet si je.
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
zlatý valoune, bonsoir (franc. dobrou noc)
this had been going for, like, weeks,
trvalo to tak týdny,
weeks of my life,
do you want to come for a drink?"
an email about some gold."
že by to už mělo skončit.
to knock it on the head.
absurdního zakončení.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
obávám se ohledně bezpečnosti.
I'm concerned about security.
coming up with this code
noc vymýšlením téhle šifry,
in all further correspondence:
další korespondenci:
(čokoládové vejce plněné krémem)
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
Nárok: Arašídy M&Ms
they use, right?
která používají, ne?
in all further correspondence."
mi Kitkat v další korespondenci.
I thought, I've gone too far.
Myslel jsem, že jsem zašel už moc daleko.
So I had to backpedal a little.
Takže jsem trochu přibrzdit.
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
I've ever received.
email, jaký jsem kdy dostal.
turned up in my inbox.
přišlo do schránky.
for the Gummy Bear --
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
potřebné bublinkové lahve Coly, želé fazolky.
as much time as could
kolik bych mohl
scam emails as I could?
kolik bych dokázal?
replying to scam emails.
začnete odpovídat na podvodné emaily.
who do mean things to scammers.
podvodníkům zlé věci.
they're spending with me
tráví se mnou
scamming vulnerable adults
zranitelných dospělých na
and I highly recommend you do --
a že vám to vřele doporučuji --
a byla to noční můra.
and it was a nightmare.
and have a thousand emails
was a legitimate response --
any day is a good day
jakýkoliv den je dobrý den
that begins like this:
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
ZE ZEMĚ
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
NELSONA MANDELI
this is a letter of authorization.
tenhle dopis pověření.
tak je to jen tvar!
written on it, it's just a shape!
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
je mi to velmi líto.
před třemi měsíci,
jako velmi vážný.
as fairly serious."
you can have, not being alive.
ve kterým můžete být - nebýt živý.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
INSTRUKCEMI MÉHO BANKÉŘE.
(také song od Boba Marleyho)
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
PŘEVOD 3 000$. ONE LOVE
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com