James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
Джеймс Витч: Вот что случается, когда отвечаешь на спам
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
to get through my spam filter.
через мой спам-фильтр.
but it turned up in my inbox,
но оно оказалось у меня во входящих.
called Solomon Odonkoh.
I want to share with you, Solomon."
предложение для вас. Соломон».
on the delete button, right?
«Удалить».
I thought, I could just delete this.
Я думал, что я могу удалить письмо.
we've all always wanted to do.
что всем нам всегда хотелось сделать.
Your email intrigues me."
письмо меня заинтриговало».
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
мы вышлем вам золото.
of any gold you distributes."
что прАдадите».
with a professional.
с профессионалом.
with smaller quantity," --
going to do it, let's go big.
то делать его по-крупному.
How much gold do you have?"
Сколько золота у вас есть?»
of how much gold I have,
your capability of handling.
as trial shipment."
at least a metric ton."
executive bank manager."
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
золотые слитки, дружище,
via the postal service,
to convince my company
мою компанию
with you on this one.
Соломон.
to take into the board meeting.
для твоей встречи с директорами.
any statisticians in the house,
you'll find a helpful chart.
полезный график.
run the numbers.
провёл расчёты.
as much gold as possible."
сколько возможно».
пытаются задеть вас за живое,
to tug your heartstrings,
если дело пойдёт хорошо,
if the deal goes well,
неплохие комиссионные».
a very good commission as well."
На что потратишь свою долю?»
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
what about you?"
30 different varieties.
и макать её туда.
and you can dip them.
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
доброй ночи».
this had been going for, like, weeks,
это длилось неделями,
weeks of my life,
пойдём, выпьем чего-нибудь?»
do you want to come for a drink?"
насчёт золота».
an email about some gold."
to knock it on the head.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
я беспокоюсь о безопасности.
I'm concerned about security.
coming up with this code
in all further correspondence:
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
Требование — M&M's.
Огромная мармеладная ящерица.
they use, right?
правда же?
in all further correspondence."
Киткат в будущих письмах».
I thought, I've gone too far.
Похоже, зашёл слишком далеко.
So I had to backpedal a little.
Надо было немного сдать назад.
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
я пытаюсь бла-бла-бла...»
I've ever received.
лучшим в моей жизни.
turned up in my inbox.
было во входящих.
for the Gummy Bear --
Мармеладному мишке...
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
мармелад и конфеты
(Аплодисменты)
as much time as could
scam emails as I could?
replying to scam emails.
когда начинаешь отвечать на спам.
who do mean things to scammers.
they're spending with me
scamming vulnerable adults
and I highly recommend you do --
а я очень вам советую —
and it was a nightmare.
и видел тысячу писем
and have a thousand emails
was a legitimate response --
any day is a good day
это отличный день,
that begins like this:
которое начинается так:
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
бывшего президента ЮАР».
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
45 миллионов долларов
моего мужа, Нельсона».
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
это очень смешно.
this is a letter of authorization.
это доверенность.
written on it, it's just a shape!
не написано, то это просто звёздочка!
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
очень жаль это слышать.
умер три месяца назад,
as fairly serious."
вызывает вопросы».
(Аплодисменты)
you can have, not being alive.
которое может быть, — не быть живым.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
инструкциям моих банкиров.
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
перевод на 3 000 долларов. Одна любовь».
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com