James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
James Veitch: Esto es lo que pasa cuando uno responde un correo basura
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
mi filtro de correo.
to get through my spam filter.
acabó en mi bandeja de entrada
but it turned up in my inbox,
called Solomon Odonkoh.
que quiero compartirte, Salomón".
I want to share with you, Solomon."
on the delete button, right?
el botón de borrar,
Pensé, podría solo borrarlo.
I thought, I could just delete this.
we've all always wanted to do.
siempre hemos querido hacer.
Your email intrigues me."
tu mensaje me intriga".
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
te enviaremos Oro".
of any gold you distributes."
las entregas de oro".
with a professional.
tratando con un profesional.
una cantidad más pequeña"...
with smaller quantity," --
de USD 2.5 millones".
going to do it, let's go big.
hacerlo, vamos a lo grande.
How much gold do you have?"
of how much gold I have,
de cuánto oro tengo,
capacidad para manejarlo.
your capability of handling.
50 kg. como prueba".
as trial shipment."
menos una tonelada".
at least a metric ton."
banco de fondos de cobertura".
executive bank manager."
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
veo lingotes, amigo mío,
el servicio postal,
via the postal service,
to convince my company
convencer a mi empresa
totalmente contigo en esto
with you on this one.
lo presentes en la reunión del consejo.
to take into the board meeting.
any statisticians in the house,
sepa de estadística,
you'll find a helpful chart.
correo encontrarás un gráfico útil.
run the numbers.
a hacer los números.
tanto oro como sea posible".
as much gold as possible."
to tug your heartstrings,
que tratan de tocar tu corazón,
si el acuerdo va bien,
if the deal goes well,
comisión muy buena también".
a very good commission as well."
¿en qué vas a gastar tu dinero?".
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
what about you?"
30 different varieties.
zanahorias y bañarlas.
and you can dip them.
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
pepita de oro, bonsoir."
semanas con esto
this had been going for, like, weeks,
mejores semanas de mi vida,
weeks of my life,
un poco de las manos.
¿quieres venir a tomar algo?".
do you want to come for a drink?"
un correo sobre algo de oro".
an email about some gold."
que dejarle KO.
to knock it on the head.
una conclusión ridícula.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
I'm concerned about security.
preocupado por la seguridad.
la noche pensando en este código
coming up with this code
correspondencia posterior:
in all further correspondence:
Concesión: M&Ms de cacahuate.
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
gigante de gomita".
they use, right?
que se utilizan, ¿cierto?
in all further correspondence."
en toda la correspondencia posterior".
Pensé, he ido demasiado lejos.
I thought, I've gone too far.
So I had to backpedal a little.
¿tenemos un acuerdo?
estoy tratando de bla, bla"...
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
¡tienes que utilizar el código!"
I've ever received.
correo que he recibido.
lo que llegó a mi bandeja de entrada.
turned up in my inbox.
for the Gummy Bear --
el saldo del oso de gomita
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
y frijoles de jalea necesarios
cacahuate empiece.
el mayor tiempo posible
as much time as could
de correos fraudulentos que pudiera?
scam emails as I could?
replying to scam emails.
responden mensajes de estafa.
estoy haciendo sea malo.
who do mean things to scammers.
cosas malas a los estafadores.
hacerles perder el tiempo.
que pasen conmigo
they're spending with me
scamming vulnerable adults
estafando a adultos vulnerables
and I highly recommend you do --
recomiendo que lo hagan,
electrónico con otro nombre.
dirección de correo.
and it was a nightmare.
un inicio y fue una pesadilla.
y tenía como mil correos
and have a thousand emails
era una respuesta legítima,
was a legitimate response --
cualquier día es un buen día
any day is a good day
that begins like this:
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
MANDELA EL EXPRESIDENTE SUDAFRICANO ".
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
MILLONES DEL PAÍS
MI MARIDO NELSON MANDELA".
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
es una carta de autorización.
this is a letter of authorization.
hay nada escrito, ¡es solo una forma!
written on it, it's just a shape!
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
Nelson murió hace 3 meses,
salud como bastante grave".
as fairly serious."
you can have, not being alive.
salud se puede tener, no estar vivo.
CON MIS INSTRUCCIONES BANCARIAS.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
NO WOMAN, NO CRY".
TRANSFERENCIA DE 3000 USD. ONE LOVE".
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com