James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
James Veitch: Iată ce pățești când răspunzi la e-mailuri spam
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
din categoria spam-urilor.
to get through my spam filter.
but it turned up in my inbox,
dar mi-a apărut în inbox.
called Solomon Odonkoh.
I want to share with you, Solomon."
interesantă. Solomon”
on the delete button, right?
pe butonul delete, da?
I thought, I could just delete this.
Mă gândeam să șterg e-mailul.
we've all always wanted to do.
să facem la un moment dat.
Your email intrigues me."
„Solomon, e-mailul tău mă face curios.”
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
O să-ți trimitem aur.”
of any gold you distributes."
pe care tu-l distribuie.”
with a professional.
cu un profesionist.
with smaller quantity," --
de 2,5 milioane de dolari.”
going to do it, let's go big.
s-o facem serios.”
How much gold do you have?"
of how much gold I have,
ci la cât faci tu față.”
your capability of handling.
ca transport de probă.”
as trial shipment."
dacă nu-mi trimiți măcar o tonă.”
at least a metric ton."
de profituri rapide.”
executive bank manager."
dragul meu, oh, nu.”
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
„De unde ești?”
dar dacă trimiți prin poștă
via the postal service,
pentru transport.
to convince my company
compania să expedieze cantități mai mari.”
with you on this one.
to take into the board meeting.
să-l arăți la ședință.
any statisticians in the house,
ce merită atenție.
you'll find a helpful chart.
găsești o diagramă utilă.
run the numbers.
as much gold as possible."
cât de mult aur se poate.”
și era rândul lui Solomon.
to tug your heartstrings,
ca afacerea să decurgă bine,
if the deal goes well,
un comision frumos.”
a very good commission as well."
„Tu pe ce-o să-ți cheltui partea?”
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
Dar tu?”
what about you?"
și aveau 30 de feluri diferite.
30 different varieties.
Îi cureți și-i înmoi.
and you can dip them.
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
this had been going for, like, weeks,
– cele mai grozave din viața mea –
weeks of my life,
Îmi ieșeam din mână.
„Nu pot. Aștept un email despre ceva aur.”
do you want to come for a drink?"
an email about some gold."
Trebuia să devină ridicol.
to knock it on the head.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
I'm concerned about security.
trebuie să folosim un cod.”
și m-am gândit la codul ăsta
coming up with this code
în corespondența viitoare:
in all further correspondence:
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
Pretenție = Arahide M&M.
Western Union = șopârlă uriașă gumată.”
they use, right?
in all further correspondence."
de-acum înainte.”
M-am gândit că am mers prea departe.
I thought, I've gone too far.
So I had to backpedal a little.
Așa că a trebuit să-l mai îmbunez:
și... bla, bla, bla...”
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
pe care l-am primit vreodată.
I've ever received.
turned up in my inbox.
for the Gummy Bear --
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
de Cola Fizzy și de bombonele
as much time as could
cât de mult timp am putea
scam emails as I could?
e-mailuri ale escrocilor?
când răspunzi la mailurile escrocilor.
replying to scam emails.
și foarte recomandabil s-o facem.
who do mean things to scammers.
lucruri foarte urâte escrocilor.
e să-i fac să piardă timpul.
they're spending with me
pe care-l petrec cu mine
scamming vulnerable adults
escrocând adulți vulnerabili
and I highly recommend you do --
– și vă recomand călduros s-o faceți –
Eu am folosit-o și a fost un coșmar.
and it was a nightmare.
1000 de mailuri despre mărirea penisului,
and have a thousand emails
was a legitimate response --
any day is a good day
that begins like this:
fostul președinte sud-african.”
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
45 milioane de dolari afară din țară
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
Nelson Mandela.”
this is a letter of authorization.
o scrisoare de autorizare.
e doar o formă!
written on it, it's just a shape!
să aud asta.
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
a murit acum 3 luni,
as fairly serious."
you can have, not being alive.
să nu fii viu.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
instrucțiunile băncii.”
să-i transferi 3000 de dolari. O iubire.”
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com