TEDxHouston
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability
Brene Brown: Bulnerabilitatearen indarra"
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Brene Brown - ek giza konexioa ikertzen du---- enpatizatu, partaide izan eta maitatzeko dugun gaitasuna. TEDxHouston-go hitzaldi hunkigarri eta dibertigarri hontan, era sakonean partekatzen du bere ikerketa, bere burua eta gizadia ulertzeko bilaketa pertsonal batetara bultzatu zuena.
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
So, I'll start with this:
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Beno, honekin hasiko naiz
00:17
a couple years ago, an event planner called me
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duela pare bat urte, ekitaldi antolatzaile batek deitu ninduen
00:19
because I was going to do a speaking event.
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hitzaldi bat ematera nindoalako
00:21
And she called, and she said,
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deitu zidan, eta esan zidan
00:23
"I'm really struggling with how
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"Benetan borrokan ari naiz
00:25
to write about you on the little flyer."
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gonbidapenerako zutaz idatzi behar dudanarekin"
00:27
And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"
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eta pentsatu nuen " Tira, zein da ba borroka hori?"
00:29
And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,
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Eta esan zidan " Ba, hitzegiten ikusi zintudan"
00:31
and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,
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eta uste dut ikertzaile deituko zaitudala
00:34
but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,
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baina beldur naiz ikertzaile deitzen badizut inor ez dela etorriko
00:36
because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."
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aspergarri eta hutsala zarela pentsatuko bait dute"
00:38
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
00:40
And I was like, "Okay."
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Primeran.
00:42
And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk
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Eta esan zidan " Baina zure hitzalditik gustatu zitzaidana
00:44
is you're a storyteller.
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zu istorio kontalari bat zarela da
00:46
So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."
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beraz, uste dut istorio kontalari deituko zaitudala"
00:49
And of course, the academic, insecure part of me
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Eta noski, nire alderdi akademiko eta inseguruak
00:52
was like, "You're going to call me a what?"
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zion " zer deitu behar nauzula?"
00:54
And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."
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Eta berak esan zidan " Istorio kontalari deituko zaitut"
00:57
And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"
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Eta nik " Eta zergatik ez iratxo magikoa?"
01:00
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
01:03
I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."
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Nik nion " Emaidazu segundu batez hontaz pentsatzeko"
01:06
I tried to call deep on my courage.
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Nire kuraia batzen saiatu
01:09
And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.
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eta pentsatu nuen, istorio kontalari bat naiz.
01:12
I'm a qualitative researcher.
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Ikerlari kualitatiboa naiz
01:14
I collect stories; that's what I do.
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istorioak biltzen ditut, hori da egiten dudana.
01:16
And maybe stories are just data with a soul.
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Eta agian istorioak arima duten datuak besterik ez dira.
01:19
And maybe I'm just a storyteller.
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Eta agian istorio kontalari bat baino ez naiz.
01:21
And so I said, "You know what?
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Beraz esan nion, "Aizu,
01:23
Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."
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zergatik ez duzu istorio kontalari ikerlaria naizela esaten?"
01:26
And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."
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Eta erantzu zidan, "Jaja.Holakorik ez da esistitzen"
01:29
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
01:31
So I'm a researcher-storyteller,
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Beraz istorio kontalari ikerlaria naiz
01:33
and I'm going to talk to you today --
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eta gaur hitz egingo dizuet
01:35
we're talking about expanding perception --
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pertzepzioa zabaltzeaz hitz egiten ari gara
01:37
and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories
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beraz zuei hitz egin eta zenbait istorio kontatu nahi dizkizuet
01:39
about a piece of my research
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nere pertzepzioa oinarritik zabaldu zuen
01:42
that fundamentally expanded my perception
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nere ikerketaren zati bati buruz
01:45
and really actually changed the way that I live and love
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nere bizi eta maitatzeko,
01:48
and work and parent.
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lan egin eta guraso izateko era guztiz aldatuz
01:50
And this is where my story starts.
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Eta hemen hasten da nire istorioa.
01:52
When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,
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Ikerlari gaztea nintzela, doktoretza ikastaroan
01:55
my first year I had a research professor
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lehenengo urtean ikerkuntza irakasle bat izan nuen
01:57
who said to us,
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esan ziguna
01:59
"Here's the thing,
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"Hemen dago kakoa.
02:01
if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."
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"Ezin baduzu neurtu, ez da esistitzen."
02:04
And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.
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Zurikeritan zebilkidala pentsatzen nuen.
02:07
I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."
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" Benetan?" nion nik, eta berak "Erabat"
02:10
And so you have to understand
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Eta tira, ulertu behar duzue
02:12
that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work,
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Gizarte langintzan lizentzua naizela, master bat ere badudala,
02:14
and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,
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eta nire doktaradutza lortzen ari nintzela,
02:16
so my entire academic career
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beraz nire karrera guztia
02:18
was surrounded by people
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bizitza nahaspilotsua
02:20
who kind of believed
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dela pentsatzea maite duen
02:22
in the "life's messy, love it."
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pertsonez inguratuta zegoen.
02:25
And I'm more of the, "life's messy,
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Eta ni gehiago naiz "Bizitza nahaspilotsua da,
02:27
clean it up, organize it
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garbitu ezazu, antolatu,
02:30
and put it into a bento box."
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eta Bento kaxa batean sartu" estilokoa
02:32
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
02:34
And so to think that I had found my way,
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Eta pentsatu nuen nire bidea topatu nuela
02:37
to found a career that takes me --
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betetzen ninduen karrera bat sortzeko.
02:40
really, one of the big sayings in social work
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zeren gizarte langintzan esaera handienetako bat
02:43
is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work."
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lanaren ezerosotasunean murgiltzea da
02:46
And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head
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eta nire kasuan, "Kolpe bat eman ezerosotasunari buruan,
02:49
and move it over and get all A's.
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baztertu zazu eta atera dena bikain"
02:51
That was my mantra.
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Hori zen nire mantra
02:54
So I was very excited about this.
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Beraz oso emozionatuta nengoen
02:56
And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,
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Eta pentsatu nuen, badakizu? hau da niretzako karrera egokia
02:59
because I am interested in some messy topics.
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zenbait gai nahaspilotsutan interesatua bait nago
03:02
But I want to be able to make them not messy.
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Baina gai hoiek ez nahaspilotsu bihurtzeko kapaz izan nahi dut
03:04
I want to understand them.
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Ulertu nahi ditut
03:06
I want to hack into these things
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Gauza hauek arakatu nahi ditut
03:08
I know are important
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Badakit garrantzitsuak direla
03:10
and lay the code out for everyone to see.
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eta kodea deszifratu guztiek ikusi dezaten
03:12
So where I started was with connection.
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Beraz, konexioarekin hasi nintzen
03:15
Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,
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Zeren, 10 urtez gizate langitzan jardun bazara
03:18
what you realize
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gauza batetaz jabetzen zara
03:20
is that connection is why we're here.
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eta da konexioa dela gu hemen egotearen arrazoia
03:23
It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
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horrek ematen dio helburu eta zentzua gure bizitzari
03:26
This is what it's all about.
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Hortaz doa guztia.
03:28
It doesn't matter whether you talk to people
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Ez dio inporta, ze arlotan lan egiten duen jendearekin hitzegiten duzun
03:30
who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect,
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gizarte-justizia, adimen-osasun edo abusu eta utzikerian,
03:33
what we know is that connection,
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dakiguna da konexioa dela eta
03:35
the ability to feel connected, is --
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konektatuta sentitzeko gaitasunagatik
03:38
neurobiologically that's how we're wired --
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-neurobiologikoki horrela eratuta bait gaude-
03:41
it's why we're here.
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gaudela hemen.
03:43
So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.
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Beraz pentsatu nuen, badakizu? Konexiotik hasiko naiz
03:46
Well, you know that situation
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Ezaguna zaizue egoera hau:
03:49
where you get an evaluation from your boss,
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Zure nagusiak zure lana ebaluatzen du
03:51
and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome,
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eta ikaragarri ondo egiten dituzun 37 gauza aipatzen dizkizu
03:54
and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?"
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eta - "hazteko aukera" bat
03:56
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
03:58
And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?
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eta zuk hazteko aukera hortan besterik ezin duzu pentatu, ezta?
04:02
Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,
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Tira, itxuraz nire lanari ere horixe gertatu zitzaion
04:05
because, when you ask people about love,
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zeren, jendeari maitasunaz galdetzen diozunean
04:08
they tell you about heartbreak.
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bihotz urratuez hitzegiten dizute
04:10
When you ask people about belonging,
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jendeari pertenentziari buruz galdetzen diozunean
04:12
they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences
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bere esperientzia jasangaitzenak kontatuko dizkizute
04:15
of being excluded.
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bazterketari buruz
04:17
And when you ask people about connection,
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Eta jendeari konexioaz galdetzen diozunean
04:19
the stories they told me were about disconnection.
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kontatzen dituzten istoriak deskonexioari buruzkoak dira
04:22
So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --
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Beraz oso azkar- ikerketan hasi eta sei astetara
04:25
I ran into this unnamed thing
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izenik gabeko zera horrekin egin nuen topo
04:28
that absolutely unraveled connection
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korapilotik askatu gabeko konexio bat
04:31
in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.
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aurretik sekula ulertu edo ikusi ez nuena
04:34
And so I pulled back out of the research
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Berez ikerketa bertan behera utzi
04:36
and thought, I need to figure out what this is.
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eta pentsatu nuen, hau zer den ulertu beharra daukat.
04:39
And it turned out to be shame.
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Lotsa zela nabarmendu zen
04:42
And shame is really easily understood
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Eta lotsa oso errez uler daiteke:
04:44
as the fear of disconnection:
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deskonexioari zaion beldurra.
04:46
Is there something about me
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Bada nigan zerbait
04:48
that, if other people know it or see it,
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besteek ezagutu edo ikusten badute
04:51
that I won't be worthy of connection?
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konexioa jasotzeko ez-duin egingo nauena
04:54
The things I can tell you about it:
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Horri buruz esan dezakedana da
04:56
it's universal; we all have it.
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unibertsala dela, denok daukagu
04:58
The only people who don't experience shame
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Lotsa ezagutzen ez duten pertsonek
05:00
have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
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ez daukate giza enpatia eta konexiorako ahalmenik
05:02
No one wants to talk about it,
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Inork ez du hortaz hitzegin nahi
05:04
and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
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eta orduan eta gutxiago hitzegin hortaz, orduan eta gehiago daukazu
05:09
What underpinned this shame,
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Lotsa honek oinarri bat badu
05:11
this "I'm not good enough," --
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"Ez naiz behar bezain ona" hori
05:13
which we all know that feeling:
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denok ezagutzen dugun sentimendua
05:15
"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,
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" Ez naiz behar bezain trinkoa. Ez naiz behar bezain argala
05:17
rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough,
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behar bezain aberatsa, ederra, dotorea,
05:19
promoted enough."
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ez naute behar bezala promozionatu"
05:21
The thing that underpinned this
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Guzti honen oinarrian
05:23
was excruciating vulnerability,
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bulnerabilitate jasanezina zegoen
05:26
this idea of,
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konexioa gertatu ahal izateko
05:28
in order for connection to happen,
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gure burua ikusgai,
05:30
we have to allow ourselves to be seen,
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benetan eta sakonki ikusgai jartzea
05:33
really seen.
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beharrezkoa delako ideia
05:35
And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.
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Eta badakizue zer sentitzen dudan bulnerabilitatari buruz. Gorroto dut.
05:38
And so I thought, this is my chance
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Beraz pentsaatu nuen, hau da nire aukera.
05:40
to beat it back with my measuring stick.
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nere neurtzeko makilarekin garaituko dut.
05:43
I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,
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Sartzera noa, gauzak nola funtzionatzen duen ulertuko dut
05:46
I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,
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urte bat iragango dut, eta erabat dekonstruituko dut lotsa,
05:49
I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,
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bulnerabilidadeak nola lan egiten duen ulertuko dut,
05:51
and I'm going to outsmart it.
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eta bera baino azkarragoa izango naiz.
05:54
So I was ready, and I was really excited.
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Beraz prest nengoen, eta benetan emozionatuta.
05:59
As you know, it's not going to turn out well.
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Dakizuen bezela, honek ez du ondo bukatuko
06:01
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
06:04
You know this.
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Badakizue.
06:06
So, I could tell you a lot about shame,
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Gauza asko esan ditzazket lotsari buruz
06:08
but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.
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baina beste norbaiten denbora beharko nuke hortarako
06:10
But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --
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baina hontara laburtzen dela esan diezazueket
06:13
and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned
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eta agian ikerketa hau egiten iragan dudan hamarkada hontan
06:16
in the decade of doing this research.
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ikasi dudan gauzarik garrantzitsuena da
06:19
My one year
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Nere urte hori
06:21
turned into six years:
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sei urteko lanean bilakatu zen
06:23
thousands of stories,
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milaka istorio
06:25
hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.
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ehundaka elkarrizketa luze, talde fokalak,
06:28
At one point, people were sending me journal pages
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Jendeak bere egunerokoen orriak bidaltzen zizkidan
06:30
and sending me their stories --
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bere istorioak igortzen zizkidan
06:33
thousands of pieces of data in six years.
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milaka datu sei urtetan
06:36
And I kind of got a handle on it.
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eta nolabait ulertzea lortu nuen
06:38
I kind of understood, this is what shame is,
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nolabiat konprenitu nuen, hau da lotsa
06:40
this is how it works.
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honela funtzionatzen du.
06:42
I wrote a book,
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Liburu bat idatzi nuen,
06:44
I published a theory,
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teoria bat argitaratu nuen,
06:46
but something was not okay --
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baina zerbait ez zebilen ondo
06:49
and what it was is that,
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eta honokoa zen
06:51
if I roughly took the people I interviewed
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elkarrizketatutako jendea orokorrean
06:53
and divided them into people
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sailkatzen banuen
06:56
who really have a sense of worthiness --
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bere burua baloratzeko zeukaten eraren arabera
06:59
that's what this comes down to,
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hau zen emaitza
07:01
a sense of worthiness --
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alde batetik, balio izatearen sentimendua
07:03
they have a strong sense of love and belonging --
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maitasun eta pertenentzia zentzu indartsua dutenak
07:06
and folks who struggle for it,
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eta horregatik borrokatzen duen jendea
07:08
and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
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etengabe bere buruari behar bezain onak ote diren galdezka dabilen jendea
07:10
There was only one variable
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Aldagai bakarrak
07:12
that separated the people who have
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bereitzen zituen
07:14
a strong sense of love and belonging
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maitasun eta pertenentzia zentzu sendoa zuen jendea
07:16
and the people who really struggle for it.
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eta horrekin borrokan zebilena
07:18
And that was, the people who have
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eta honokoa zen,
07:20
a strong sense of love and belonging
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maitasun eta pertenentzia zentzu sendoa duen jendeak
07:22
believe they're worthy of love and belonging.
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maitasuna eta pertenentzia merezi dituela uste du
07:25
That's it.
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Hori da
07:27
They believe they're worthy.
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Balio edo merezi dutela uste dute.
07:30
And to me, the hard part
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Eta niretzako, konexioz kanpo uzten gaituen
07:33
of the one thing that keeps us out of connection
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elementuaren alderdirik gogorrena
07:36
is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,
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konexio hori merezi ez izatearen beldurra da,
07:39
was something that, personally and professionally,
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pertsonalki eta profesionalki
07:41
I felt like I needed to understand better.
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hobeto ulertu behar nuela sentitzen nuen
07:44
So what I did
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Orduan
07:47
is I took all of the interviews
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pena merezi eta balio zutela pentsatuz bizi ziren pertsonen
07:49
where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,
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elkarrizketak hartu nituen
07:52
and just looked at those.
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eta hoiek bakarrik aztertu nituen.
07:55
What do these people have in common?
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Zer dute pertsona guzti hauek amankomunean?
07:57
I have a slight office supply addiction,
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Bulego materialari adikzio txiki bat diot
07:59
but that's another talk.
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baina horri beste hitzaldi bat izango litzateke
08:02
So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie,
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Karpeta bat eta arkatz bat nituen eskuan
08:05
and I was like, what am I going to call this research?
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eta nion, nola deituko dut ikerketa hau?
08:07
And the first words that came to my mind
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Burura etorri zitzaizkidan lehenengo hitzak
08:09
were whole-hearted.
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"bihotz-betedunak" izan ziren
08:11
These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.
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bihotz-betedunak, merezi izatearen zentzu sakon horrekin bizi direnak
08:14
So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,
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Beraz hori idatzi nuen karpetaren gainkaldean,
08:17
and I started looking at the data.
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eta datuak aztertzen hasi nintzen
08:19
In fact, I did it first
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Hortik hasi nintzen
08:21
in a four-day
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lau egun iraun zituen
08:23
very intensive data analysis,
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datu-analisi intentso batean
08:26
where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.
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non berreskuratu nituen elkarrizketak, istorioak, inzidenteak
08:29
What's the theme? What's the pattern?
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Zein da da gaia?
08:32
My husband left town with the kids
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Nere senarrak eta umeak herritik aldegin zuten
08:35
because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,
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Jackson Pollock estiloko eromenean sartzen bait naiz
08:38
where I'm just like writing
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non idatzi besterik ez dudan egiten
08:40
and in my researcher mode.
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nire ikerlari moduan murgilduta
08:43
And so here's what I found.
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Eta hemen da topatu nuena
08:47
What they had in common
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Amankomunean zeukatena
08:49
was a sense of courage.
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kuraia zentzua zen
08:51
And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.
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eta kuraia eta ausardia bereizi nahi nituzke minutu batez
08:54
Courage, the original definition of courage,
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""courage", kuraiaren jatorrizko definizioa
08:56
when it first came into the English language --
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ingelesera iritsi zenean
08:58
it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --
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latinezko "cor" hitzetik zetorren, bihotza
09:01
and the original definition
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eta jatorrizko definizioan hau esan nahi zuen:
09:03
was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
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zein zaren azaltzen duen istorioa bihotz betearekin kontatzea
09:06
And so these folks
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Eta tipo hauek
09:08
had, very simply, the courage
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sinpleki, bazuten kuraia
09:10
to be imperfect.
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inperfektu izateko
09:13
They had the compassion
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Konpasioa zuten
09:15
to be kind to themselves first and then to others,
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lehenik bere buruarekin eta ondoren besteekin zintzo izateko
09:18
because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people
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zeren, nabarmentzen den bezala, ezin dugu besteekin konpasiorik izan
09:21
if we can't treat ourselves kindly.
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ez badugu gure burua goxotasunez tratatzen
09:24
And the last was they had connection,
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Eta azkenik, konexioa zuten
09:26
and -- this was the hard part --
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eta - hau zen zatirik gogorrena-
09:28
as a result of authenticity,
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bere autentizitatearen ondorioz
09:31
they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be
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izan beharko luketenari buruzko ideiak baztertzeko desiatzen zeuden
09:34
in order to be who they were,
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benetan zirenak izan ahal izateko
09:36
which you have to absolutely do that
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eta hori erabat egin beharra daukazu
09:39
for connection.
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konektatu ahal izateko.
09:43
The other thing that they had in common
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Beste zerbait ere bazuten amankomunean
09:45
was this:
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eta hau zen
09:50
They fully embraced vulnerability.
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Bulnerabilitatea erabat besarkatzen zuten
09:55
They believed
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Sinisten zuten
09:58
that what made them vulnerable
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bulnerable egiten zituen horrek berak
10:01
made them beautiful.
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eder egiten zituela
10:05
They didn't talk about vulnerability
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Ez zioten bulnerabilitatea
10:07
being comfortable,
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eroso zenik
10:09
nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --
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baina ezta jasanezina zenik ere,
10:12
as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.
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lotsari buruzko elkarrizketetan entzuten nuen bezala
10:14
They just talked about it being necessary.
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Solik beharrezkoa zela zioten
10:18
They talked about the willingness
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hitzegiten zuten
10:20
to say, "I love you" first,
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"maite zaitut" lehenik esateko nahiaz
10:23
the willingness
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inolako garantiarik
10:26
to do something
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eskeintzen ez duen
10:28
where there are no guarantees,
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zerbait egiteko irrikaz
10:31
the willingness
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mamografia baten ondoren
10:33
to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call
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medikuaren deiaren zai zauden bitartean
10:35
after your mammogram.
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arnasa hartzeko irrikaz
10:38
They're willing to invest in a relationship
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Harreman batean inbertitzeko prest daude
10:41
that may or may not work out.
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ondo edo gaizki aterako den neurtu gabe
10:44
They thought this was fundamental.
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Hau oinarrizkoa dela uste dute
10:47
I personally thought it was betrayal.
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Nik pertsonalki, traizioa zela uste nuen
10:50
I could not believe I had pledged allegiance
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ikerketari erabateko fideltasuna
10:53
to research, where our job --
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hitz eman bait nion
10:55
you know, the definition of research
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eta ikerketaren definizioa
10:57
is to control and predict, to study phenomena,
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kontrolatu eta aurresatea da, fenomenoak estudiatzea
11:00
for the explicit reason
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kontrolatu eta aurresateko
11:02
to control and predict.
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arrazoi zehatzagatik
11:04
And now my mission
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eta orain, kontrolatu eta aurresan ahal izateko
11:06
to control and predict
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ekin dudan misioaren emaitza
11:08
had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability
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bulnerabilitatearekin bizi behar dela da
11:11
and to stop controlling and predicting.
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eta kontrolatu eta aurresateari utzi.
11:14
This led to a little breakdown --
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Honek krisialdi txiki bat sortu zidan
11:17
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
11:21
-- which actually looked more like this.
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--tira, honen antza gehiago zeukan
11:24
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
11:26
And it did.
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Bai, antza gehio zeukan
11:28
I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
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Krisialdi deitu nion, nere terapeutak iratzartze espirituala deitzen zion
11:32
A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,
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Iratzartze espiritualak krisialdiak baino hobeto ematen du belarrira
11:34
but I assure you it was a breakdown.
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baina zin egiten dizuet krisialdi bat izan zela.
11:36
And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.
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Datu guztiak alde batera utzi eta terapeuta bat bilatu behar nuen
11:38
Let me tell you something: you know who you are
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Utzidazue zerbait esaten: Nor zaren jakingo duzu
11:41
when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.
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zure lagunei deitu eta "Norbait ikusi behar dut" esaten diezunean
11:44
Do you have any recommendations?"
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"Gomendatuko zenidake norbait?"
11:47
Because about five of my friends were like,
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Zeren bost lagunek edo erantzun zidaten
11:49
"Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist."
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"UF!!! Ez nuek zure terapeuta izan nahi"
11:51
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
11:54
I was like, "What does that mean?"
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"Zer esan nahi du horrek" nion?
11:56
And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.
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eta beraiek " Zera bakarrik esan nahi nuke, badakizu?
11:59
Don't bring your measuring stick."
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Ez eraman zure neurtzeko makila zurekin!"
12:01
I was like, "Okay."
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"Ados" esan nuen
12:06
So I found a therapist.
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Terapeuta bat bilatu nuen
12:08
My first meeting with her, Diana --
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Diana, gure lehen elkarrizketara
12:11
I brought in my list
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bihotz betekoak bizi ziren erari buruzko
12:13
of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.
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zerrenda eraman nuen, eseri nintzen
12:16
And she said, "How are you?"
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eta esan zidan " Zer moduz zaude?"
12:18
And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."
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eta nik. "Primera nago, oso ondo"
12:21
She said, "What's going on?"
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esan zidan "Zer gertatzen da?"
12:23
And this is a therapist who sees therapists,
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Terapeutak tratatzen dituen terapeuta bat da
12:26
because we have to go to those,
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guk haiengana jo behar dugu
12:28
because their B.S. meters are good.
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txorakeriak antzematen hobeak bait dira
12:31
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
12:33
And so I said,
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Eta esan nuen
12:35
"Here's the thing, I'm struggling."
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" Hauxe da gauza, borrokan ari naiz"
12:37
And she said, "What's the struggle?"
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Eta berak " Zein da borroka?"
12:39
And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.
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Ata nik " Tira, bulnerabilitate arazo bat daukat
12:42
And I know that vulnerability is the core
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Eta badakit bulnerabilitatea muina dela
12:45
of shame and fear
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beldur eta lotsaren muina
12:47
and our struggle for worthiness,
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balio izateagatiko gure burrukaren muina
12:49
but it appears that it's also the birthplace
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baina baita ere badirudi sorlekua dela
12:52
of joy, of creativity,
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poza eta sormenaren,
12:55
of belonging, of love.
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pertenentzia eta maitasunaren sorlekua
12:57
And I think I have a problem,
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eta uste dut arazo bat dudala
12:59
and I need some help."
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eta laguntza pixkat behar dut"
13:02
And I said, "But here's the thing:
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Eta esan nuen " Baina horixe da dena
13:04
no family stuff,
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ez famili kalakarik
13:06
no childhood shit."
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ez haurtzaroko kakarik"
13:08
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
13:10
"I just need some strategies."
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"Estrategia batzu baino ez ditut behar"
13:13
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
13:17
(Applause)
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(Txaloak)
13:20
Thank you.
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Eskerrikasko
13:24
So she goes like this.
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Eta berak horrela egiten du
13:27
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
13:29
And then I said, "It's bad, right?"
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Eta orduan nik diot " Txarra da, ezta?"
13:32
And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
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Eta berak "Ez da ez txarra ez ona"
13:35
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
13:37
"It just is what it is."
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" Dena besterik ez da"
13:39
And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."
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Eta nik " Ene Jainkoa, hau zeharo gogaikarria izango da"
13:42
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
13:45
And it did, and it didn't.
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Eta izan zen, eta ez zen izan
13:47
And it took about a year.
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Urte bete behar izan nuen
13:50
And you know how there are people
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Eta badakizue nola zenbait pertsona
13:52
that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,
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bulnerabilitatea eta xamurtasuna garrantzitsuak direla ohartu eta
13:55
that they surrender and walk into it.
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errenditu eta bertan murgiltzen diren?
13:58
A: that's not me,
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A: Hori ez naiz ni
14:00
and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.
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B: Horrelakoa den jendearekin ez naiz ibili ere egiten.
14:03
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
14:06
For me, it was a yearlong street fight.
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Neretzako urtebeteko kale borroka izan zen
14:09
It was a slugfest.
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Lehia bat izan zen
14:11
Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.
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Bulnerabilitateak bultzatzen zuen, nik bultzada itzultzen nuen
14:13
I lost the fight,
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Borroka galdu nuen
14:16
but probably won my life back.
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baina seguruaski nire bizitza berreskuratu nuen
14:18
And so then I went back into the research
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Beraz, ikerketara itzuli nintzen
14:20
and spent the next couple of years
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Eta pare bat urte eman nituen
14:22
really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,
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Bihotz-betekoak ulertzen saiatzen,
14:25
what choices they were making,
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sein diren egiten dituzten aukeraketak
14:27
and what are we doing
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eta zer egiten ari garen
14:29
with vulnerability.
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bulnerabilitatearekin.
14:31
Why do we struggle with it so much?
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Zergatik borrokatzen dugu hainbeste horrekin?
14:33
Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?
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Ni bakarrik ari al naiz bulnerabilitatearekin borrokan?
14:36
No.
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Ez
14:38
So this is what I learned.
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Hau da ikasi nuena
14:41
We numb vulnerability --
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Bulnerabilitatea sorgortzen dugu
14:44
when we're waiting for the call.
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--deiaren zai gaudenean
14:46
It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook
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Barregarria izan zen, Twitter eta Facebook bidez galdetu nuen
14:48
that says, "How would you define vulnerability?
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"Nola definituko zenuke bulnerabilitatea?"
14:50
What makes you feel vulnerable?"
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"Zerk egiten zaitu bulneragarri?"
14:52
And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.
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ordu t´erdian, 150 erantzun nituen
14:55
Because I wanted to know
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Jakin nahi nuen
14:57
what's out there.
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zer zegoen hor kanpoan
15:00
Having to ask my husband for help
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"Nere senarrari laguntza eskatzeak
15:02
because I'm sick, and we're newly married;
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gaixo nagoelako, eta ezkonberriak gara"
15:05
initiating sex with my husband;
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"nire senarrarekin sexua praktikatzen hasteak"
15:08
initiating sex with my wife;
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"nire emaztearekin sexua praktikatzen hasteak"
15:10
being turned down; asking someone out;
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"baztertua izateak", "norbaiti geratzeko eskatzeak"
15:13
waiting for the doctor to call back;
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"medikuak dei diezadan itxoiteak"
15:15
getting laid off; laying off people --
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"lanetik kaleratua izateak", "jendea kaleratu beharrak"
15:18
this is the world we live in.
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hau da hizi dugun mundua.
15:20
We live in a vulnerable world.
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Mundu bulnerable batean bizi gara
15:23
And one of the ways we deal with it
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eta bulnerabilitatea maneiatzeko darabilgun eratako bat
15:25
is we numb vulnerability.
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bulnerabilitatea sorgortzea da
15:27
And I think there's evidence --
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Eta uste dut ebidentzia dagoela
15:29
and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,
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-----eta ez da ebidentzi hau izatearen arrazoi bakarra
15:31
but I think it's a huge cause --
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baina garrantzitsuenetakoa dela uste dut-----
15:33
we are the most in-debt,
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EE.BB.ko istorio guztian izan den
15:37
obese,
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heldu talderik zorpetuena,
15:40
addicted and medicated
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lodiena, adiktuena,
15:43
adult cohort in U.S. history.
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eta medikatuena gara
15:48
The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --
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Arazoa da- eta hontaz ikerketan konturatu nintzen--
15:51
that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
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ezin dituzula emozioak selektiboki sorgortu.
15:55
You can't say, here's the bad stuff.
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Ezin duzu esan, hemen daude gauza txarrak
15:58
Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,
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hemen daude bulnerabilitatea, pena, lotsa
16:00
here's fear, here's disappointment.
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hemen dago beldurra, hemen dezepzioa
16:02
I don't want to feel these.
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Ez ditut sentitu nahi.
16:04
I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
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Zerbeza pare bat edan eta platano eta intxaur opil bat jatera noa
16:07
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
16:09
I don't want to feel these.
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Ez ditut sentitu nahi.
16:11
And I know that's knowing laughter.
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Eta badakit barre hoiek ezagutza-barreak direla.
16:13
I hack into your lives for a living.
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Zuen bizitzatan arakatzea da nire ofizioa.
16:16
God.
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Jainkoa.
16:18
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
16:20
You can't numb those hard feelings
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Ezin dituzu sentimendu latz hoiek sorgortu
16:23
without numbing the other affects, our emotions.
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afektuak eta emozioak sorgortu gabe.
16:25
You cannot selectively numb.
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Ezin duzu selektiboki sorgortu
16:27
So when we numb those,
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Beraz lehenengoak sorgortzean
16:30
we numb joy,
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zoriona sorgortzen dugu
16:32
we numb gratitude,
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esker ona sorgortzen dugu
16:34
we numb happiness.
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zoriona sorgortzen dugu.
16:36
And then we are miserable,
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Eta orduan lur jota sentitzen gara,
16:39
and we are looking for purpose and meaning,
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helburu eta esanahi baten bila hasten gara
16:41
and then we feel vulnerable,
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eta orduan bulnerable sentitzen gara
16:43
so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
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eta orduan, zerbeza pare bat eta platano eta intxaur opil bat hartzen ditugu.
16:46
And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
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Eta benetan ziklo arriskutsua bilakatzen da
16:51
One of the things that I think we need to think about
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Pentsatu beharrekoak ditugun gauzetatik bat
16:54
is why and how we numb.
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zergatik eta nola sorgortzen dugun da.
16:56
And it doesn't just have to be addiction.
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Eta ez dauka zertan adikzio bat izan beharrik.
16:59
The other thing we do
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Egiten dugun beste gauza bat
17:01
is we make everything that's uncertain certain.
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ziurrak ez diren gauzak ziur bihurtzea da.
17:05
Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery
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Erlijioa fede eta misterioan oinarritutako sinismena izatetik
17:08
to certainty.
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ziurtasuna izatera pasa da.
17:10
I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.
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Zuzen nabil, oker zaude. Ixil zaitez.
17:13
That's it.
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Hori da guztia.
17:15
Just certain.
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Ziurtasuna soilik
17:17
The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,
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Orduan eta beldur gehiago izan, orduan eta
17:19
the more afraid we are.
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bulnerableago izan
17:21
This is what politics looks like today.
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Horrelakoa da politika gaur egun.
17:23
There's no discourse anymore.
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Jada ez dago diskurtsorik.
17:25
There's no conversation.
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Ez dago elkarrizketarik.
17:27
There's just blame.
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Erruen leporatzea soilik.
17:29
You know how blame is described in the research?
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Badakizue ikerketak nola definitzen duen erruak leporatzea ?
17:32
A way to discharge pain and discomfort.
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Mina eta ezerosotasuna deskargatzeko era bat
17:36
We perfect.
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Perfekzionatu egiten dugu
17:38
If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,
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Nere bizitzak itxura hori izatea gustatuko litzaidake
17:41
but it doesn't work.
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baina ez du funtzionatzen.
17:43
Because what we do is we take fat from our butts
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Zeren eta gantza ipurditik atera
17:45
and put it in our cheeks.
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eta gure masailetan jartzen dugu
17:47
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
17:50
Which just, I hope in 100 years,
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Espero dut ehun bat urtean
17:52
people will look back and go, "Wow."
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jendeak atzera begiratuko duela eta esan "Uau!!"
17:54
(Laughter)
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(Barreak)
17:56
And we perfect, most dangerously,
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Eta askoz arriskutsuagoa dena
17:58
our children.
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gure haurrak perfekzionatzen ditugu.
18:00
Let me tell you what we think about children.
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Utzidazue haurrei buruz pentsazen dudana esaten
18:02
They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.
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Jaiotzen direnean borrokarako egituratuta daude
18:05
And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,
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Eta haurtxo perfektu hoiek besotan hartzen ditugunean
18:08
our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.
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gure lana ez da honokoa " Begira iezaiozu, perfektua da!
18:10
My job is just to keep her perfect --
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Nire lana perfektu mantentzea da soilik---
18:12
make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."
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14 urterekin tenis taldean eta 17-rekin Yalen onartuko dutela ziurtatzea."
18:15
That's not our job.
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Hori ez da gure lana.
18:17
Our job is to look and say,
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Gure lana begiratu eta hau esatea da:
18:19
"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,
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"Badakizu? Inperfektua zara, eta borrokarako jaio zara
18:22
but you are worthy of love and belonging."
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baina maitasuna eta pertenentzia merezi dituzu".
18:24
That's our job.
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Hori da gure lana
18:26
Show me a generation of kids raised like that,
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Erakutsidazue horrela hazitako ume belaunaldi bat
18:28
and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.
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eta gaur egun ikusten ditugun arazoak desagertuko lirateke.
18:31
We pretend that what we do
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Sinistu nahi dugu guk egiten dugunak
18:35
doesn't have an effect on people.
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ez duela besteengan eraginik.
18:38
We do that in our personal lives.
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Hau gure bizitza pertsonalean egiten dugu.
18:40
We do that corporate --
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Baita enpresa mailan ere---
18:42
whether it's a bailout, an oil spill,
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berdin dio finantza- erreskate bat izan, petrolio-isuri bat
18:44
a recall --
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edo kargu-kentze bat,
18:46
we pretend like what we're doing
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guk egiten dugunak besteengan
18:48
doesn't have a huge impact on other people.
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eraginik izango ez duenaren itxura egiten dugu
18:51
I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.
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Korporazioei esango nieke, aizue, ez gara hain inozoak
18:55
We just need you to be authentic and real
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Autentiko eta zintzo izan zaitezten behar dugu
18:57
and say, "We're sorry.
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eta esan " Sentitzen dugu"
18:59
We'll fix it."
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" Konponduko dugu"
19:05
But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.
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Baina bada beste bide bat, eta honekin uzten zaituztet
19:07
This is what I have found:
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Hau da aurkitu dudana:
19:09
to let ourselves be seen,
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Gure burua ikus dezaten uztea
19:11
deeply seen,
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sakonki ikus dezaten
19:13
vulnerably seen;
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gure bulnerabilitatearekin ikus gaitzaten
19:16
to love with our whole hearts,
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bihotz betearekin maitatzea
19:18
even though there's no guarantee --
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inolako garantiarik ez dagoen arren-----
19:20
and that's really hard,
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eta hori oso gogorra da
19:22
and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --
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guraso bezela, hau ikaragarri gogorra da
19:27
to practice gratitude and joy
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esker ona eta zoriona praktikatu
19:30
in those moments of terror,
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zenbait unetan ikara sentitzen badugu
19:32
when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much?
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" Hainbeste maite al zaitzaket?" pentsatzean
19:34
Can I believe in this this passionately?
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"Hontaz hainbeste pasiorekin sinetsi al dezaket?"
19:36
Can I be this fierce about this?"
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"Honi buruz hain intenso izan al naiteke?"
19:39
just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,
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gerta litekeena katastrofizatu ordez, gelditzeko kapazak izan eta
19:41
to say, "I'm just so grateful,
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esan " Zeharo esker oneko sentitzen naiz
19:44
because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
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hain bulnerable sentitzeak bizirik nagoela esan nahi bait du"
19:48
And the last, which I think is probably the most important,
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Eta azkenik, nire iritziz garrantzitsuena dena:
19:51
is to believe that we're enough.
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aski garela sinistea
19:54
Because when we work from a place,
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Zeren eta lanean hasten garenean
19:56
I believe, that says, "I'm enough,"
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"pena merezi dut", "aski naiz" abiapuntu hortatik
20:00
then we stop screaming and start listening,
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oihu egiteari utzi eta entzuten hasten gara,
20:04
we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,
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zintzoago eta goxoago gara gure ingurukoekin
20:06
and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
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eta zintzoago eta goxoago gara gure buruarekin.
20:09
That's all I have. Thank you.
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Hau da dudan guztia. Eskerrikasko
20:11
(Applause)
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(Txaloak).
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcherBrené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.
Why you should listen
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:
How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com